Jennifer Lauck's Blog, page 23

Manuscript Review Service

A writer needs help! It's hard to go at your art alone. But who do you trust? Who can you count on? Where will you get the best advice on your writing?




I am here to help you write the best book you can write. Part of what I offer is a manuscript review service that helps give you a sense of where your writing is at and if I can help escort you to an agent who can take you to the next step. Here is how this service works.

Phase I: Contact me at jennifer@jenniferlauck.com, send a note of interest and include an overview of the book as well as a personal bio.

I'll let you know my availability and will provide a contract which lays out what I will do in my initial read, including my fee and the deadline that I will meet to get back to you. (I usually take about thirty days to review a manuscript. The reading fee is $500 plus printing costs if I print myself.) After signing our contract, sending me a check or a payment via PayPal, you send your manuscript, with a SASE to my offices in Portland. You can alternatively send a PDF and a .doc of your book which I will print the PDF and that cost will be added to the reading fee.

If your book needs attention, I will submit a report about why and what I suggest. If it is good to go, I'll tell you where to send it with my blessing (and a $250.00 refund).

Phase II: If I can help you refocus, reframe and revise your book, I will propose an expanded reading with my team who will also read your book. Together we will create a full report, 8-10 pages long, which assesses the strengths of your book and gives advice on how to bring those strengths out. We'll also provide you with a questionnaire that gives us deeper insights into your process and your goals.

This expanded service is an additional $1000-$2000.00. If I include extensive line edits, the fee will move to the higher end of the range. Rest assured, you and I always agree on all costs prior to any being incurred.

Phase II takes about three weeks and is followed up with a meeting where you can ask questions that arise after you have read the report and looked through the edits.

Final Thoughts: There are a lot of people out there who offer to read your manuscript and who make a lot of promises. I put my word in writing and give you 150% of my attention--my best attention--to help you create the best book possible. I provide the highest quality review and service and to assure this, will provide you with a list of recommendations. Your money is important. Your book is important. I am here to take you and your writing seriously and give you a high quality response.

Webinar: Memoir From the Ground Up

I believe everyone has a story to tell and that you can write your memoir. What's missing is the "how" to do it! This Sunday, July 24th, I host an intensive on how you can writeyour memoir from the ground up. This is very practical and focused teaching
on how to get the job started and how to stay on track.

WHEN: Sunday, July 24th from 2:00 p.m. to 5:30 p.m.

WHAT: You will learn how to write your memoir from the ground up & you will be able to leave this seminar with a practical plan for how to get the job done.

EXTRA: You will walk away with a recording of our call & a workbook to take with you which comes in the PDF format.

MY GUARANTEE: If you do not leave this teaching with a true, solid and focused plan, I will give you your money back--no questions asked.

What the Hell Happened to Jennifer?

According to experts in the field of "weblog" study, if you do not post, on your site, at least four days a week--your blog is "dead."

Is it true? Is there some all knowing "blog-God" who comes along to state the time of death and put the final stats of your blog demise in a record book?

Well, I'm here to testify (if it's true), there has been a miracle. This blog is alive, resuscitated and full of breath.

Now for the debrief.

Where have I been?

Over at the new teaching site. That is where I have been. Do you note there are now "two" weblogs. Can you imagine? Two? Talk about pressure.

Suffice to say I have been busy, busy, busy with obligations/teachings/speaking and working up to my eyeballs and I have a house and I am a wife and I am the Go-To Point Girl for Mr. 14 and Ms. 9 and their summer break is in full swing hot hot go go whew.

Here is a little good news. I perused the web and bring you--writer you--this amazing advice on your craft. Read carefully, apply advice, send me your pages and let's make your writing shine that much brighter.

Here's how to work together. Here is where you go to listen to those fantastic free teleseminars. And click right here for a link to get you all set up in the Beach Intensive. Want to take a Master Class this fall? Well, click here.
And if you are eager to learn more about your craft as a writer, read on. This is a post well worth your time. HEY...do be a huge favor and leave me a comment so I know this site still has a pulse.


Writerisms and other Sins: A Writer's Shortcut to Stronger Writing
Copyright © 1995 by C.J. Cherryh

Writerisms: overused and misused language. In more direct words: find 'em, root 'em out, and look at your prose without the underbrush.

1. am, is, are, was, were, being, be, been … combined with "by" or with "by … someone" implied but not stated. Such structures are passives. In general, limit passive verb use to one or two per book. The word "by" followed by a person is an easy flag for passives.

2. am, is, are, was, were, being, be, been … combined with an adjective. "He was sad as he walked about the apartment." "He moped about the apartment." A single colorful verb is stronger than any was + adjective; but don't slide to the polar opposite and overuse colorful verbs. There are writers that vastly overuse the "be" verb; if you are one, fix it. If you aren't one—don't, because overfixing it will commit the next error.

3. florid verbs. "The car grumbled its way to the curb" is on the verge of being so colorful it's distracting. {Florid fr. Lat. floreo, to flower.}If a manuscript looks as if it's sprouted leaves and branches, if every verb is "unusual," if the vocabulary is more interesting than the story … fix it by going to more ordinary verbs. There are vocabulary-addicts who will praise your prose for this but not many who can simultaneously admire your verbs as verbs and follow your story, especially if it has content. The car is not a main actor and not one you necessarily need to make into a character. If its action should be more ordinary and transparent, don't use an odd expression. This is prose.This statement also goes for unusual descriptions and odd adjectives, nouns, and adverbs.

4. odd connectives. Some writers overuse "as" and "then" in an attempt to avoid "and" or "but," which themselves can become a tic. But "as" is only for truly simultaneous action. The common deck of conjunctions available is:

* when (temporal)
* if (conditional)
* since (ambiguous between temporal and causal)
* although (concessive)
* because (causal)
* and (connective)
* but (contrasting)
* as (contemporaneous action or sub for "because") while (roughly equal to "as")

These are the ones I can think of. If you use some too much and others practically never, be more even-handed. Then, BTW, is originally more of an adverb than a proper conjunction, although it seems to be drifting toward use as a conjunction. However is really a peculiar conjunction, demanding in most finicky usage to be placed *after* the subject of the clause.

Don't forget the correlatives, either … or, neither … nor, and "not only … but also."

And "so that," "in order that," and the far shorter and occasionally merciful infinitive: "to … {verb}something."

5. Descriptive writerisms. Things that have become "conventions of prose" that personally stop me cold in text.

* "framed by" followed by hair, tresses, curls, or most anything cute.
* "swelling bosom"
* "heart-shaped face"
* "set off by": see "framed by"
* "revealed" or "revealed by": see "framed by." Too precious for words when followed by a fashion statement.
* Mirrors … avoid mirrors, as a basic rule of your life. You get to use them once during your writing career. Save them for more experience. But it doesn't count if they don't reflect … by which I mean see the list above. If you haven't read enough unpublished fiction to have met the infamous mirror scenes in which Our Hero admires his steely blue eyes and manly chin, you can scarcely imagine how bad they can get.

* limpid pools and farm ponds: I don't care what it is, if it reflects your hero and occasions a description of his manly dimple, it's a mirror.As a general rule … your viewpoint characters should have less, rather than more, description than anyone else: a reader of different skin or hair color ought to be able to sink into this persona without being continually jolted by contrary information.Stick to what your observer can observe. One's own blushes can be felt, but not seen, unless one is facing … .a mirror. See above.

* "as he turned, then stepped aside from the descending blow … " First of all, it takes longer to read than to happen: pacing fault. Second, the "then" places action #2 sequentially after #1, which makes the whole evasion sequence a 1-2 which won't work. This guy is dead or the opponent was telegraphing his moves in a panel-by-panel comic book style which won't do for regular prose. Clunky. Slow. Fatally slow.

* "Again" or worse "once again." Established writers don't tend to overuse this one: it seems like a neo fault, possibly a mental writerly stammer—lacking a next thing to do, our hero does it "again" or "once again" or "even yet." Toss "still" and "yet" onto the pile and use them sparingly.

6. Dead verbs. Colorless verbs.
* walked
* turned
* crossed
* run, ran
* go, went, gone
* leave, left
* have, had
* get, got

You can add your own often used colorless verbs: these are verbs that convey an action but don't add any other information. A verb you've had to modify (change) with an adverb is likely inadequate to the job you assigned it to do.

7. Colorless verb with inadequate adverb: "He walked slowly across the room."More informative verb with no adverb: "He trudged across the room," "He paced across the room," "He stalked across the room," each one a different meaning, different situation. But please see problem 3, above, and don't go overboard.

8. Themely English With apologies to hard-working English teachers, school English is not fiction English.Understand that the meticulous English style you labored over in school, including the use of complete sentences and the structure of classic theme-sentence paragraphs, was directed toward the production of non-fiction reports, resumes, and other non-fiction applications.The first thing you have to do to write fiction? Suspect all the English style you learned in school and violate rules at need. Many of those rules will turn out to apply; many won't.{Be ready to defend your choices. If you are lucky, you will be copyedited. Occasionally the copyeditor will be technically right but fictionally wrong and you will have to tell your editor why you want that particular expression left alone.}

9. Scaffolding and spaghetti. Words the sole function of which is to hold up other words. For application only if you are floundering in too many "which" clauses. Do not carry this or any other advice to extremes."What it was upon close examination was a mass the center of which was suffused with a glow which appeared rubescent to the observers who were amazed and confounded by this untoward manifestation." Flowery and overstructured. "What they found was a mass, the center of which glowed faintly red. They'd never seen anything like it." The second isn't great lit, but it gets the job done: the first drowns in "which" and "who" clauses.In other words—be suspicious any time you have to support one needed word (rubescent) with a creaking framework of "which" and "what" and "who." Dump the "which-what-who" and take the single descriptive word. Plant it as an adjective in the main sentence.

10. A short cut to "who" and "whom."
* Nominative: who
* Possessive: whose
* Objective: whom

The rule:

1. treat the "who-clause" as a mini-sentence.If you could substitute "he" for the who-whom, it's a "who." If you could substitute "him" for the who-whom it's a "whom."The trick is where ellipsis has occurred … or where parentheticals have been inserted … and the number of people in important and memorable places who get it wrong. "Who … do I see?" Wrong: I see he? No. I see "him." Whom do I see?

2. "Who" never changes case to match an antecedent. (word to which it refers)

* I blame them who made the unjust law. CORRECT.
* It is she whom they blame. CORRECT: The who-clause is WHOM THEY BLAME.
* They blame HER=him, =whom.
* I am the one WHO is at fault. CORRECT.
* I am the one WHOM they blame. CORRECT.
* They took him WHOM they blamed. CORRECT—but not because WHOM matches
HIM: that doesn't matter: correct because "they" is the subject of "blamed" and "whom" is the object.
* I am he WHOM THEY BLAME. CORRECT. Whom is the "object" of "they blame."

Back to rule one: "who" clauses are completely independent in case from the rest of the sentence. The case of "who" in its clause changes by the internal logic of the clause and by NO influence outside the clause. Repeat to yourself: there is no connection, there is no connection 3 x and you will never mistake for whom the bell tolls.

The examples above probably grate over your nerves. That's why "that" is gaining in popularity in the vernacular and why a lot of copyeditors will correct you incorrectly on this point. I'm beginning to believe that nine tenths of the English-speaking universe can't handle these little clauses.

11. -ing.

"Shouldering his pack and setting forth, he crossed the river … "


No, he didn't. Not unless his pack was in the river. Implies simultaneity. The participles are just like any other verbal form. They aren't a substitute legal everywhere, or a quick fix for a complex sequence of motions. Write them on the fly if you like, but once imbedded in text they're hard to search out when you want to get rid of their repetitive cadence, because -ing is part of so many fully constructed verbs {am going, etc.}

12. -ness A substitute for thinking of the right word. "Darkness," "unhappiness," and such come of tacking -ness (or occasionally – ion) onto words. There's often a better answer. Use it as needed.As a general rule, use a major or stand-out vocabulary word only once a paragraph, maybe twice a page, and if truly outre, only once per book. Parallels are clear and proper exceptions to this, and don't vary your word choice to the point of silliness: see error 3.

Wed: Writing Tip #4 Character Matters

This from the site Terrible Minds and I highly recommend you go read the whole post. It's fantastic!

The author, Chuck Wendig writes: Without character, you have nothing. Great plot? Robust storyworld? Potent themes? Elegant font? Matters little if your character is a dud. The punch might be delicious, but not if someone threw up in it. The character is why we come to the table. The character is our way through all those other things. We engage with stories because we relate to them: they are mirrors. Characters are the mirror-side version of "us" staring back. Twisted, warped, uncertain — but still us through and through.

This is a fantastic tip, for fiction writers and for all writers and certianly, without exception, the memoir writer. I will say it to writers again and again, "you must make your narrator someone we want to take a journey with." And yet writers are more concerned with telling the truth or backfilling a ton of tragic details or telling everything but the story of the narrator (ie: THEMSELVES). And here were go! It's not what happens to you (or your character, if you write fiction). What matters is that you write your well developed take of what happened. Your insight, as a questing, lost and even cynical soul--this is what makes you human on the page and what will have us travel with you through the complexity of your journey.

Enjoy Wendig's tips. He's a bright bulb-even if he swears a lot!

Book Talk: Me Talk Pretty by David Sedaris

By Anne Gudger

Sun, heat and my garden which bursts with cherry tomatoes and herbs. Summer! My favorite time of year. Just like I store my sweaters during BBQ season, I also tend to tuck away my heavier reading which means Marcel Proust's Swann's Way (a novel in 7 volumes) will have to wait for cooler, shorter days and shorter books take the stage.

Another joy of summer is that my my daughter is home from college and as soon as she was unpacked, we had a chance to swapped good summer books. As part of this exchange, she excavated Me Talk Pretty One Day from her room and handed it over. We both love David Sedaris for his wit, his sadness and his honesty. I love him so much, I've carried him on family vacations and read him out loud to my husband and kids. At Christmas one year my daughter read Holidays on Ice out loud and we laughed the whole way through. Something about Sedaris and his writing captures "family" for us. He tells the sad, funny and wicked truth.

If you are not familiar with him, Sedaris' books are collections of essays and some short stories. And, they're little glimpses into his life which ooze self-deprecation. He writes about his middle class upbringing, his Greek Heritage, his jobs, his education, his drug use, his homosexuality and all about life in France and London with his partner.

The man is damn funny. Not your Family Circus kind of ha-ha but the kind of humor you have to laugh with so you don't cry.

In Me Talk Pretty he writes:

For the first twenty years of my life, I rocked myself to sleep. It was a harmless enough hobby, but eventually, I had to give it up. Throughout the next twenty-two years I lay still and discovered that after a few minutes I could drop off with no problem. Follow seven beers with a couple of scotches and a thimble of good marijuana, and it's funny how sleep just sort of comes on its own. Often I never even made it to the bed. I'd squat down to pet the cat and wake up on the floor eight hours later, having lost a perfectly good excuse to change my clothes. I'm now told that this is not called 'going to sleep' but rather 'passing out,' a phrase that carries a distinct hint of judgment.


Or later he writes about learning French and via his honesty, I feel the reader gets a real person who messes around our with real language. It's easy to picture him asking the butcher for lamb chops:

On my fifth trip to France I limited myself to the words and phrases that people actually use. From the dog owners I learned 'Lie down,' 'Shut up,' and 'Who shit on this carpet?' The couple across the road taught me to ask questions correctly, and the grocer taught me to count. Things began to come together, and I went from speaking like an evil baby to speaking like a hillbilly. 'Is thems the thoughts of cows?' I'd ask the butcher, pointing to the calves' brains displayed in the front window. 'I want me some lamb chop with handles on 'em.'

Besides his humor, Sedaris is a fabulous storyteller. Read him for a laugh. Read him to see how he moves a piece along with strong dialogue. Read him to be reminded that if you survived your childhood, you have a ton of material to write about.

Wed: Writing Tip # 3 Mistakes I've Made

This list was compiled based on my own experience of the last 18 years as a memoir writer and as a writer seeking publication. Of course you won't make any of these mistakes! But perhaps you know a writer or two who will. Pass it on.

• Overestimate their writing ability—don't work hard enough on craft
• Look for the easy way out
• Trust the opinions of friends/family/spouses/kids
• Do not seek professional advice
• Do not invest in learning.
ie: will not part w/money for good teachers, workshops, books & advice.
• Only think about being finished
• Give up too early
• Worry about "not getting published"
• Don't read enough
• Procrastinate


This list and an expanded list of 27 ways to procrastinate are over on the teaching site! Go visit and leave your comment.

Fresh Writing: Summer Break

Yes, it's true! I am not writing because I am teaching up a storm and when I'm not teaching up a storm, I'm taking care of kids who are lose ends and if I'm not taking care of kids at loose ends, I'm working on this! The New Hard Copy Edition of Writing Life which arrived today! YAY!

Look--who puts out two books in one year? I think I must be nuts but that's the way "I roll," as the kids now say.

Check it out and if you want a hard copy, let me know and I'll ship one your way now.






If you are happy with digital download, which will save you money (and time)...that's cool too: Click here.

Book Talk: On Holiday!

Anne is devoted but like most of us, she is also busy and her Book Talk contribution will be coming next week. I've got the tip that it's going to feature David Sedaris. Stay tuned and if you are looking for some fun, go down and read the post on writing and how to make your writing more active!

Writing Tip #2: "ing" & "ly" words

Today's post is a combination of the Fresh Writing of Monday and The Writing Tip of each Wednesday.

I tell writers that in the early stages, they need to take a very close look at their word choices. Watch out for "ly" words and "ing" words.

Every time I give this very specific instruction, I get this quizzical look like, "why??"

Most are too polite to ask because this seems like a grammar lesson of some sort and they missed the lesson in school.

No, it's not true. You did not miss this lesson in school. This is my own personal "TIP." I press it out there as a way for you, as writers, to think more about your word choices and I often find that when a new writer tosses an "ly" work or an "ing" word on the page it means they are being a bit lazy in word choices and a closer look reveals the writer is degenerating into "telling verses showing." These are not fatal mistakes but they are bad habits that adds a lot of time to your learning curve. Like you cut fat out of your diet when you want to get lean, cut these "ly" and "ing" words of your sentences and go for more active language.

Let me show you an example from my own writing. I pulled this scene from a memoir I wrote, five drafts back. This whole scene and character ended up on the cutting room floor. And look, I'm "ly" - ing and "ing" ing all over the place. See what I did here and come back next week to see my revision and my choices.

~

It's early morning and I blink my eyes open to the gray cool light that is Portland in June. Heavy clouded skies hold our sun hostage until July, sometimes August. I like the cool seasons but others complain about the gray days. Portland is home to a lot of depressed people who fantasize about California, Hawaii, Mexico

Quince is inches from my face. He watches me as if this has been the case for hours. When he notices I am awake, he rolls his head on the pillow and looks up at the ceiling. It's a purposeful move that begs for me to do our morning ritual called "the face."

As I watch him, I flashback to last night, midnight and my arrival at the Portland International Airport. Quince was waiting just past the security area and had one rose in his long thin fingers. He was so happy to see me, almost relieved, as if I were his oxygen and his food. As we hugged, he was like a vine, cloying and suffocating.

All my thoughts, during my retreat and even before, circled around how I couldn't take Quince and his over the top romance anymore but when I came home, alone, to the empty airport—I was happy to see him and happier to be wanted by someone.

We dropped my bags at my apartment, went to his place—firelight, music and his hungry hands that took my body to places beyond imagination.

In the dark of last night, it was perfect again and I told myself I was in love with Quince. We made whispered promises of our unending love and even a few plans about a future together as we drifted into a love-drugged sleep.

And now, here he is, waiting for me to do "the face." It was a ritual I created at the beginning of our romance, when we'd spend all day in bed. I'd say, "I love this face," and trace from his chin to his nose to his forehead.

As he waits, the light cutting away all fantasies, I cannot bring myself to do "the face." I actually despise "the face." I even hate that Quince expects "the face" treatment every morning. I hate how it's enough for him, that perfect beginning to each day, only made more perfect by how, every night, he has another ritual I call "the neck," where he presses his face into my neck, kisses my hairline and says, "I'm right here, all night, in your dreams—just a kiss away."

Quince continues to wait. Patience is his thing but he can wait until the moon turns to cheese. I won't do the face. Instead, I lean on my elbow and look around the apartment as if seeing everything for the first time. There are empty wine glasses by the dead fire. The one rose is on the carpet, wilted. The bed is surrounded, on all sides, by electric guitars, acoustic guitars, viola's, a piano, an electric key board, goat hooves that you can shake to get a specific sound, flutes, recorders and other instruments with names I don't know.

What am I doing here?
What have I done?
I've made a huge mistake.

"Shit," I say, "look at the time." I roll out of bed and hit the floor.

"Are you okay?" Quince calls.

The jolt hurts all my bones, even my jaw but I say, "yes, I'm fine. I'm perfect, I have to get the kids, I forgot." I pat around for my underwear, my pants and my tank top. I'm scattered all over the place.

Quince is out of bed as fast as I am. "I thought Steve had them until this afternoon?" he whines.

"He does," I say, "I mean, no, he doesn't, I actually promised to take my son on a date, I forgot." I'm tug on my panties and yank the bullshit story out of thin air. My heart beats so hard, I might faint.

In the bright light of this morning, Quince looks about a hundred years old. His body is a rickety bag of bones and the years of no-exercise have not been kind to his sagging belly and behind.

I used to tell myself his physique and looks didn't matter. My ex husband had been drop dead gorgeous and look how well that worked out. No, I told myself, I loved Quince for his gentle kindness, his talent for making beautiful music from as little as a stick of wood and a nail, and for the praise and poetry that dripped like honey from his lips. I rationalized how Quince was a grown up, he was artistic, he was a genius but no matter how hard I try to get back to those old thoughts, I cannot find one good reason to stay here with this overgrown adolescent who is happy whiling away his days playing music and having me trace the outline of his nose.

I get into my shorts and yank my top over my head. Quince holds my bra on the end of one of his long fingers and his wilted penis is deflated in a nest of gray hair.

"So, I'll see you later?" he asks.

"I'll call you."

I snap the bit of lace from his hand and thrust it into my purse. At the door, I shove my feet into my sandal.

Before he can get himself into his clothes and follow me to the car, I give him a quick kiss, clatter down two flights of stairs and dive into my car.

~

Anne, help me out here. Give me your two cents on "the grammar lesson."

Summer Workshop: The Manzanita Memoir Intensive

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Come to Manzanita, Oregon, Aug, 26, 27 & 28 for a memoir workshop experience that will blow your writing life wide open.

With The Hoffman Center as host and my co-teacher Anne Gudger at my side, you will be fully immersed in a fabulous weekend of instruction and inspiration.


Learn the three main components of memoir writing: scene, summary & rumination. Learn how to effectively write these elements too. Learn Jennifer's fool proof method for finishing a full length manuscript in less than three months. Set goals Develop your framework for your full length memoirEstablish your writing practice.
All that and more will happen in this fun, relaxing, exciting and energizing intensive.

Tuition: $470.00

Make your deposit of $235.00 to hold your spot today!

Summer Memoir Intensive - PDX Deposit $235.00 Tuition $235.00






The balance of $235.00 is due Aug. 15, 2011. If you cancel, your deposit is non-refundable.

Checks can be sent to: Jennifer Lauck 2535 E. Burnside, Suite 102, Portland, OR 97214

MORE DETAILS: Write to me at Jennifer@jenniferlauck.com. Group accommodation are available.