Jennifer Lauck's Blog, page 27

Fresh Writing: A Poem Worth Reading

I am composing an essay right now, for an anthology, and haven't been able to make Fresh Writing today! Forgive me and thank me (for this beautiful poem). It broke my heart. Perhaps it will stirs yours.


After chopping off all the arms

that reached out to me; after

boarding up all the windows

and doors; after filling all the

pits with poisoned water; after

building my house on a rock of

a no, inaccessible to flattery and

fear; after cutting out my tongue

and eating it; after hurling handfuls

of silence and monosyllables of

scorn at my loves; after forgetting my name

and the name of my birth place

and the name of my race; after

judging and sentencing myself to

perpetual waiting and perpetual

loneliness, I heard against the

stones of my dungeon of syllogisms

the humid, tender, insistent

onset of spring.

　- Octavio Paz
(Elliot Weinberger translation)

Mayan Interpretations

This email came in from a very spiritual friend of mine, who is also a couples therapist in Portland. We all talk about this time, the "end of the world" time and few of us have it figured out. This is one of the most interesting interpretations. So I give Anne a week off and put this up in lieu of Book Talk!


Carlos Barrios, Mayan elder and Ajq'ij (is a ceremonial priest and spiritual guide) of the Eagle Clan. Carlos initiated an investigation into the different Mayan calendars circulating. Carlos along with his brother Gerardo studied with many teachers and interviewed nearly 600 traditional Mayan elders to widen their scope of knowledge.

Carlos found out quickly there were several conflicting interpretations of Mayan hieroglyphs, petroglyphs, Sacred Books of 'Chilam Balam' and various ancient text. Carlos found some strong words for those who may have contributed to the confusion:

Carlos Barrios: "Anthropologists visit the temple sites and read the inscriptions and make up stories about the Maya, but they do not read the signs correctly. It's just their imagination. Other people write about prophecy in the name of the Maya. They say that the world will end in December 2012. The Mayan elders are angry with this. The world will not end. It will be transformed."

"We are no longer in the World of the Fourth Sun, but we are not yet in the World of the Fifth Sun. This is the time in-between, the time of transition. As we pass through transition there is a colossal, global convergence of environmental destruction, social chaos, war, and ongoing Earth Changes."

He continues: "Humanity will continue, but in a different way. Material structures will change. From this we will have the opportunity to be more human. We are living in the most important era of the Mayan calendars and prophecies. All the prophecies of the world, all the traditions are converging now. There is no time for games. The spiritual ideal of this era is action."

Carlos tells us: "The indigenous have the calendars and know how to accurately interpret it -- not others. The Mayan Calendars comprehension of time, seasons, and cycles has proven itself to be vast and sophisticated. The Maya understand 17 different calendars such as the Tzolk'in or Cholq'ij, some of them charting time accurately over a span of more than ten million years.

"All was predicted by the mathematical cycles of the Mayan calendars. -- It will change --everything will change. Mayan Day-keepers view the Dec. 21, 2012 date as a rebirth, the start of the World of the Fifth Sun. It will be the start of a new era resulting from and signified by the solar meridian crossing the galactic equator and the Earth aligning itself with the center of the galaxy."

At sunrise on December 21, 2012 for the first time in 26,000 years the Sun rises to conjunct the intersection of the Milky Way and the plane of the ecliptic. This cosmic cross is considered to be an embodiment of the Sacred Tree, The Tree of Life, a tree remembered in all the world's spiritual traditions.

Some observers say this alignment with the heart of the galaxy in 2012 will open a channel for cosmic energy to flow through the Earth, cleansing it and all that dwells upon it, raising all to a higher level of vibration. Carlos reminds us: "This process has already begun. Change is accelerating now and it will continue to accelerate.

If the people of the Earth can get to this 2012 date in good shape without having destroyed too much of the Earth, we will rise to a new, higher level. But to get there we must transform enormously powerful forces that seek to block the way."

The date specified in the calendar Winter Solstice in the year 2012 does not mark the end of the world. Many outside people writing about the Mayan calendar sensationalize this date, but they do not know. The ones who know are the indigenous elders who are entrusted with keeping the tradition.

Carlos tells us: "The economy now is a fiction. The first five-year stretch of transition from August 1987 to August 1992 was the beginning of the destruction of the material world. We have progressed ten years deeper into the transition phase by now, and many of the so-called sources of financial stability are in fact hollow. The banks are weak. This is a delicate moment for them. They could crash globally, if we don't pay attention. Now, people are paying attention."

The North and South Poles are both breaking up. The level of the water in the oceans is going to rise. But at the same time land in the ocean, especially near Cuba, is also going to rise. Carlos tells a story about the most recent Mayan New Year ceremonies in Guatemala. He said that one respected Mam elder, who lives all year in a solitary mountain cave, journeyed to Chichicastenango to speak with the people at the ceremony. The elder delivered a simple, direct message. He called for human beings to come together in support of life and light.

"Right now each person and group is going his or her own way. The elder of the mountains said there is hope if the people of the light can come together and unite in some way. We live in a world of polarity -- day and night, man and woman, positive and negative. Light and darkness need each other. They are a balance."

"Just now the dark side is very strong, and very clear about what they want. They have their vision and their priorities clearly held, and also their hierarchy. They are working in many ways so that we will be unable to connect with the spiral Fifth World in 2012."

"On the light side everyone thinks they are the most important, that their own understandings, or their group's understandings, are the key. There's a diversity of cultures and opinions, so there is competition, diffusion, and no single focus."

Carlos believes the dark side works to block unity through denial and materialism. It also works to destroy those who are working with the light to get the Earth to a higher level. They like the energy of the old, declining Fourth World, the materialism. They do not want it to change. They do not want unity. They want to stay at this level, and are afraid of the next level.

The dark power of the declining Fourth World cannot be destroyed or overpowered. It's too strong and clear for that, and that is the wrong strategy. The dark can only be transformed when confronted with simplicity and open-heartedness. This is what leads to unity, a key concept for the World of the Fifth Sun.

Carlos said the emerging era of the Fifth Sun will call attention to a much-overlooked element. Whereas the four traditional elements of Earth, Air, Fire and Water have dominated various epochs in the past, there will be a fifth element to reckon with in the time of the Fifth Sun --- that element is 'ETHER'.

The dictionary defines Ether as a "hypothetical substance supposed to occupy all space, postulated to account for the propagation of electromagnetic radiation through space." Perhaps it could be defined as the "space between space". I would suggest it could be manifest as the alignment of charged particles from our solar system (Sun), and our galaxy (Milky Way) surge. The Ether element represents spiritual energy.

"The element of the Fifth Sun is celestial. Within the context of Ether there can be a joining of the polarities. No more darkness or light in the people, but an uplifted unity. But right now the realm of darkness is not interested in this. They are organized to block it. They seek to unbalance the Earth and its environment so we will be unready for the alignment in 2012."

"We need to work together for peace, and balance with the other side. We need to take care of the Earth that feeds and shelters us. We need to put our entire mind and heart into pursuing unity and unity now, to confront the other side and preserve life."

"We are disturbed -- we can't play anymore. Our planet can be renewed or ravaged. Now is the time to awaken and take action. Everyone is needed. You are not here for no reason. Everyone who is here now has an important purpose. This is a hard but a special time. We have the opportunity for growth, but we must be ready for this moment in history."

Carlos says: "The prophesied changes are going to happen, but our attitude and actions determine how harsh or mild they are. We need to act, to make changes, and to elect people to represent us who understand and who will take political action to respect the Earth."

"Meditation and spiritual practice are good, but also action. It's very important to be clear about who you are, and also about your relation to the Earth. Develop yourself according to your own tradition and the call of your heart. But remember to respect differences, and strive for unity. Eat wisely --- a lot of food is corrupt in either subtle or gross ways. Pay attention to what you are taking into your body. Learn to preserve food, and to conserve energy. Learn some good breathing techniques, so you have mastery of your breath. Be clear. Follow a tradition with great roots. It is not important what tradition, your heart will tell you, but it must have great roots."

"We live in a world of energy. An important task at this time is to learn to sense or see the energy of everyone and everything -- people, plants, animals. This becomes increasingly important as we draw close to the World of the Fifth Sun, for it is associated with the element 'ether' -- the realm where energy lives and weaves. Go to the sacred places of the Earth to pray for peace, and have respect for the Earth which gives us our food, clothing, and shelter. We need to reactivate the energy of these sacred places. That is our work."

"One simple but effective prayer technique is to light white or baby-blue colored candles. Think of a moment in peace. Speak your intention to the flame and send the light of it on to the leaders who have the power to make war or peace."

Carlos reminds us this is a crucially important moment for humanity and for Earth. Each person is important.

He said the elders have opened the doors so that other races can come to the Mayan world to receive the tradition. "The Maya have long appreciated and respected that there are other colors, other races, and other spiritual systems. They know that the destiny of the Mayan world is related to the destiny of the whole world."

"The greatest wisdom is in simplicity. Love, respect, tolerance, sharing, gratitude, forgiveness. It's not complex or elaborate. The real knowledge is free. It's encoded in your DNA. All you need is within you. Great teachers have said that from the beginning. Find your heart, and you will find your way."

On The Road: Day 30 & My Addiction to Eagle Cam

Eagle Cam and I became acquainted a week ago, at 4:30 a.m. PST, as I was on hold and prepping for full morning of interviews in cities and towns around the U.S. It's called a Radio Satellite Tour and mine have been going on for several days. A couple of those days meant a 4:30 wake up call for Drive Time shows on the East Coast. One of those show was in--yes, you've guessed it-- Norfolk, Virginia, home to Eagle Cam. As I was gathering up data about the various cities I would be speaking in, I stopped at Eagle Cam and cannot stop watching. The eaglets, three of them, are just a few days old and growing with the help of a very attentive mother and father.

In between my early interviews, where I recount, again and again, my at-birth abandonment by my first mother and my orphaned state by age seven, I take in the lessons of the eagles which goes like this: Feed chicks. Clean up nest. Sit on chicks to get them to sleep. Take breaks. Additionally, Mom leaves the nest for a bit of hunting and "personal time" and Dad takes over. Dad leaves the nest for a bit of fishing and "personal time" and then Mom takes over. Mom takes the night shift. Dad perches nearby for night watch. The happy couples also take time to "cuddle" in a nearby tree during a few stolen moments, while the eaglets nap.

What's wrong with that life? It's nice. It's simple. It's elegant.

I like it.

Now forgive me, as I have had a glass of wine prior to writing this and thus my "politically correct" button has been pressed down, but I'd say these birds are better parents than most people. Or perhaps what I am saying is that our parenting methods are for the birds. We are either all "all over" our kids or we ignore them. Worst-case scenario, we fail to recognize their basic human needs and turn them into objects of our lives verses subjects of their own lives. Even more dreadful, some of us have it in our minds that it is okay to abandon our children and call said abandonment "adoption." I don't want to get strong on this issue of adoption but I cannot hold back. What the heck is wrong with us? Where, as women, did we ever conceive it was acceptable to abandon our young?

Google this question: Do mammals abandon their young after birth? I did and in one second I got this response on Wiki Answers: No, mammals milk their young after birth. Think about it. We are mammals and do not abandon our young. As the above contributor has indicated, mammals (within the animal kingdom) nurture their young until they are weaned and are able to exist on their own.

(Within the animal kingdom) has been added to this answer because, in fact, in the human kingdom, we do abandon our young for all kinds of reasons: economics, education, addiction, convenience, family pressure and social pressure. What the hell? What is wrong with this situation? Why are we abandoning our babies? What is happening in our society that this is acceptable? Where, as women, did we EVER get the notion that this was a good idea and where, as a society, did we decide to make money off the venture? (Adoption racks up five billion a year in business in the U.S.)

If we look at this world and the state of affairs, wars and the like, can we track our basic human hunger and discontent to a lack of attachment to our mothers? Are we starved for materialism as way to compensate for not being held, not being fed, not be nurtured as we should be—for generations upon generations? Track the medicalization of birth, the removal of mid-wives from birthing and the introduction of man-man interventions—where the medical establishment scares the hell out of women, forces them from their young and charges a fortune--which have the worst birth outcomes in the world. Did you know the U.S. leads the developed world in infant mortality rates?

Women of our world—mothers—wake up. Stop this madness that has our sisters being forced from their children. Empower mothers to keep their children.

The reason I write, the reason I am here talking up around the country, is just for this reason. We make a massive mistake when it comes to mothering and nurturing our young. The consequences of our mistake can be seen in the way we are living, as if on the warpath against the very mother who holds us, this planet earth.

Nearly a month "on the road," meeting people, giving readings and interviews and planning two more months of the same, I am overcome by the openness of people to the issues I write about here. We know, as "mammals" that something is just not right in the way we are doing things. We feel this not-rightness in our hearts. We know we must change. We know we must return motherhood to a place of honor and stay with our young. We also know a book like Found should never be written by a daughter of this planet. We are better than this. And yet, in 2011, this is where we are at... and another interview begins.

~

I was also at Back Fence PDX, for live story telling, last week.



Seeing myself on camera had me back at Weight Watchers and counting points. Eeegads. What is that growing on my stomach? Is that middle age or just too darn many cookies?

The tour continues, Florida, LA and back for a slew of appearances in Portland in May. See the side panel for info on dates/times/places.

From what I am read on the Eagle Cam live-chat, the little birds will be leaving the nest in a few weeks--just about the time I'll be done touring and taking on another long summer with the kids. Rather than racing around like a lunatic this summer, perhaps I'll just plan to clean the nest, feed the kids and then sit on them until they get to sleep. One thing is for damn sure, I am keeping an eye on my young ones. I'm holding them very close.

Announcements: Audio Book Give Away & Spring Classes

Found: A Memoir (audio format):

I'm back in the recording/editing mode, putting final touches on Found in audio format and if you have purchased a copy of Writing Life, the downloadable workshop, you are qualified to get a FREE copy of Found on audio too. Look for that by the end of this week.



Three Spring Classes:

Skype Master Class for six students who have

1) Skype uploaded
2) emotional good health
3) a story to tell

This class is Sunday mornings for seven weeks to the month of June. Contact me for sign up details.

Portland Based Craft Class

This is in Portland on Monday nights. Check out the dates, times, terms here on the site and let me know if you want in. We have a few spots left in this class too.

Oregon Writer's Colony

Four students will have an opportunity to come to the beach on the Oregon Coast for Mentor in the House weekend. May 6, 7 & 8, you'll write and meet with me for an hour a day. I may also do a small workshop--should the opportunity arise. Details here.

Book Talk: Learning to Bow by: Bruce Feiler

Posted by Anne Gudger: writer, mother, teacher & all around STH (super terrific human).


I have a confession: I'm a master eavesdropper. Go out with me and I'll be completely, truly involved in our conversation but I can also tell you what's going on at the tables around us. It drives my husband nuts sometimes because occasionally I'll slip and laugh when what he said wasn't funny. "What?" he'll ask, eyebrows raised. "Oh, sorry," I'll tell him. "It's that couple over there. . . " "Are you listening to me?" "Yup." And I'll repeat the last lines of our conversation.

Know this too: I don't always do it. Like most good skills I can practice eavesdropping or not. I mostly drop into the fairly mundane (First dates are a favorite) and if I tune into a serious conversation, I immediately tune out since I don't think I'm a voyeur, more of an observer. I hope I'm as eavesdropper with ethics. I like paying attention to what people say. It's the writer in me.
Recently I heard a conversation where I didn't even need my super hearing. Actually, I would have been fine with missing this one except that it gave me a good idea for a Book Talk.

While I stood in line at Peet's Coffee, waiting to order my caramel latte, I heard two women chat.

Woman 1: "Remember my friend I told you about who's hosting a Japanese student?"

Woman 2: "Yeah, I think so."

1: "Well, I asked her how her student and the other students are, how they're coping with the tragedy."

2: "And?"

1: "My friend said, 'Oh, they seem okay. Kind of disconnected from the whole thing. It happened far from their homes. I think they're fine.'"

2: "Huh, well, that's good—I guess."

I wanted to cross the line from being a "woman-waiting-for-coffee" to a "woman-with-opinions." I wanted to jump in and tell these two ladies that of course the students are not okay. They're in shock. And they're teenagers. They're far from home. And on top of all that, they come from a culture that holds emotions deep inside, one that does not scream and cry, one that would not want to bring dishonor to their families by showing emotion to strangers.

As Americans, we know this about Japanese culture, right? I thought so. And as humans, if we've had a few miles on us, we know that grief is a complicated path. Expressing deep sorrow is exquisitely painful in any language.

Like all of us, my heart goes out to the Japanese, to the humans who are suffering now and who will continue to suffer as they struggle through the catastrophe. We wonder what we can do to help. Prayers? Money? Yes and yes. I also think more understanding of a culture so different from ours is always a good place to go when you want to stretch your heart.

A year ago I helped my mom sort her books—one of many clearing out the house layers we did to get her ready to downsize. She handed me Learning to Bow: Inside the Heart of Japan. "It's a good one," she said. "Insightful, touching, funny." My mom's fed me great books all my life so I pulled it from the "sell" pile and added it the "take home" stack. I read it a month later. Mom was right: it's good.

Learning to Bow is Bruce Feiler's memoir that covers his year teaching English and American culture in a small rural town in Japan. While he arrives as a teacher, he quickly becomes a student. He sees how the cultural differences challenge what he thought he was coming to do: teach English and how he needs to adapt in order to have some success with his students.

Feiler's language is not the lyrical language I'm usually drawn to but he writes with warmth and humor. We get to be puzzled and awed with him as he learns how to navigate the hierarchy at his school, properly address an envelope and date a Japanese girl. The lessons we learn and the peak view into another culture through an American's eyes are completely worth the read.

I wanted to suggest to those women at Peet's to read Learning to Bow, that maybe they could offer it to their host friend too. But since I'm working on curbing my natural tendency to butt in (like I know something, sheesh, when I don't) I resisted the temptation. But, nature being what it is—strong--I do recommend it to all of you. It's one small thing we can do when we feel frozen in not knowing what to do.

On the Road: Day 22, Interviews, The Heart Sutra & Getting On Stage

Home to a rush of daffodils, tight hugs of my children, the waft of daphne that intoxicates and sunny days intermixed with hailstorms. Spring.

I now do a series of national interviews on the radio that take me from Wisconsin to Virginia (home of the Eagle Cam, which is one of the most fascinating things I've watched in years), New York to the Carolina's, Portland (Love Iris on KGON) to LA.

My impression, after talking about Found for 22 days is this: people are good. People are open. People want to hear the story of the hero's quest that takes a lost child home to mother and BEYOND. I am really touched and heartened.

I am also deeply touched by the three women (and two daughters of one woman) who have joined me in my call to do 100,000 Heart Essence mantra and dedicate it to Japan. This was inspired by HH Dalai Lama's call to monks in Japan. I thought, "hey, we can do this." Kate Comings at Evening Star Jilly joined me first and then came Elizabeth Stevens with her two daughters (which one is your blog E?) and now Kirsten over at Write on Thyme.

We are now at 10,000 mantra and I decided "that's it," and recorded the full Heart Sutra, which I learned a few years back while studying at Spirit Rock meditation center. The Heart Sutra is an ancient text dated to the 1st century BCE. If you wish to add this audio to your practice, in order to have some container for your mantra--do it. Listen to the point the mantra begins and then pause and recite until your time is up. Then start it up and let the conclusion wrap the practice up for you.

CLICK HERE TO PLAY

NOTE: You do not need to add the Tay Ya T'Ha at the beginning. Simply do the mantra GA TE GA TE PA RA GA TE PA RA SUM GA TE BO DHI SO HA. Sitting for a few minutes, one can gather mantra adding into the hundreds. I do this about five or ten minutes a day, or during yoga, or even while I've driving. Why not? My mind is all over the place anyway--why not focus the mind for the benefit of others?

I've added a mantra at the beginning, that increases the power of your mantra practice by one billion (according to the great master who passed this mantra to me). I use this mantra prior to any practice I do. Most often I do the Green Tara practice every morning. So I just have been adding the Heart Sutra mantra as part of that.

Tomorrow I will be one of six storytellers on stage at Portland's Mission Theater, giving a spontaneous story under the heading of BROKE: BONES, WALLETS & HEARTS. I hope to see you there, books will be signed at the end of the show. Love to Portland's Back Fence for inviting me.

The Spring Craft Class in Portland is open for a few more writers. Join us beginning April 4th. And an on-line SKYPE class will also be starting up on April 3rd (thanks for the nudge Ginni). You'll have to contact me via this site, jennifer@jenniferlauck.com, for info on that.

Announcments: The Tour, Spring Class & Mantra

THE TOUR: Well, here it is, two weeks after the release of Found and I've been on the road: Seattle, SF, Berkeley and back to Seattle. A show in Seattle called King 5's New Day had me on and it was a lovely event.



SPRING CRAFT CLASS: Yes, there is still room in this class and I'm open for registration. Please come to the Teaching Page and get details. We want you with us. My co-teacher Anne and I are so happy to be teaching a FUN and inspiring class!

PRAYERS FOR JAPAN: I suggested a mantra accumulation last week, to do something for Japan, based on the call of His Holiness the Dalai Lama and look, we have six women adding up mantra now. It's very simple. Simply chant Gate Gate Para Gate Para Sum Gate Bodhi Swa Ha. Easy. Look up the Heart Sutra on line, it's very ancient and beautiful. Truly.

Book Talk: Firebird by Mark Doty

Posted by Anne Gudger: writer, mother, teacher & all around STH (super terrific human).



Poet, memoirist, deep thinker, amazing observer: Mark Doty is all this and more. Firebird—a gay coming-of-age story--is an incredible testament to his remarkable talent. Here we meet young Doty: a ten-year-old in a top hat, cane, and red chiffon scarf, interrupted while belting out Judy Garland's "Get Happy" by his shocked mother who declares, "Son, you're a boy!"

Doty's memoir is lyrical and heartbreaking. Doty navigates his twisted family—where alcoholism, sorrow and repression rein and continues to seek beauty even as his life is swamped in ugly. In the first chapter Doty rifles through his sister's drawer of precious trinkets:

it's like a pirate chest opened in a movie, little glimmers brilliant on the faceted surfaces of the treasures, little musical chimes sounding as if these were audible jewels. . chiffon. . . tulle. . . Glittery ribbons, carnations made from Kleenex clipped with a bobby pin and fringed, just so, then unfolded into a burst of imitation blossom, one drop of cologne at the center. Scents, powders, delicious nail colors. . .

Doty uses these objects to dive into his story, into his memory. The objects are a way in, an opening for rumination. I love the richness of Doty's world. The scenes he creates from his childhood show the poet he is in their depth and breadth. Equally I love how he steps back and looks at memory: how it functions, how we use it as writers


Memoir is memory. It's a rendering of experiences, the feel of the experiences more than verifiable facts. In an interview in "The Atlantic Online" (November 10, 1999) Doty says: "I like the formal elasticity of memoirs very much. They alternately behave like novels, like essays, like travel writing, like poems—and that sort of synthesis lends itself to making discoveries. I'm especially drawn to those memoirs that place the act of remembering in the foreground—those that take memory itself as part of their subject and examine the action of making a story out of what is remembered."

Doty does this beautifully in Firebird. I return again and again to a passage that's near the end of the book when I need a reminder, inspiration to infuse my writing:

"What we remember," wrote the poet who was my first teacher of the art, "can be changed. What we forget we are always." Dick was right: We live the stories we tell; the stories we don't tell live us. What you don't allow yourself to know controls and determines; whatever's held to the light "can be changed"—not the facts, of course, but how we understand them, how we live with them. Everyone will be filled by grief, distorted by sorrow; that's the nature of being a daughter or a son, as our parents are also. What matters is what we learn to make of what happens to us.

On the Road: The Found Tour

[image error] I'm in Berkeley as I write this, soon, I will be on plane to Seattle (again) for an appearance on King-5 TV and a reading at Third Place Books tomorrow. If you are in Seattle, come see me.

The tour is going great, the reception to the book is what any writer would dream of. Positive. Very positive. The readings thus far have been lovely and the fans are open, receptive, curious and they all buy books. (Thank you for buying books!)

And I must admit it's increasingly hard to focus on my own book when the story of human suffering unfolds in Japan. Like the release of Still Waters was overshadowed by the tumbling of the twin towers back in 2001, this tour takes place as we all watch nuclear plants melt down, body counts rise and markets collapse. Warnings fly around the internet and news: the Pacific NW is next, stores of potassium iodine are being stockpiled (for radiation sickness) and we are all being asked to stockpile water and food enough for two weeks. Even worse there is news that our schools will be reduced to rubble in the event of an earthquake...didn't we know? And great. Now the news hits us at the place of our deepest fear. The kids could be killed.

My goodness. Of course my poor heart flip flops with fear, aches for the people of Japan and my mind fritters around like a squirrel on speed.

It feels as if I am in a dream state where I don't know what is real and the truth of the matter is this: the ground is shifting, isn't it? And, we can't know what is going to happen next.

But hold on. The ground has always been shifting. We have never been able to know what is going to happen next. And even the best laid plans of preparation can be leveled in a moment. I'm pretty sure the people in Minamisanriku, Japan were well prepared for the tsunami and still, the whole town is now gone.

Human suffering is not new and it is not limited to Japan either. Every few seconds, someone dies. A woman has just been raped. A man has just been murdered. We know this. We know this. And yet, the intensity of loss and the situation we watch in Japan pushes all our buttons and has us belly up to the collective bar of utter shock.

The Dalai Lama wrote today, on Facebook of all places, "On days when we are calm and happy, even if difficulties arise or we fall victim to a mishap, we take it well, it doesn't bother us unduly. But on days when we feel sad or have lost our usual calmness, the least little annoyance will take on enormous proportions and be deeply upsetting to us."

Okay. Hold on. How can we take what is happening in Japan "well"? How can we remain calm? How do we not feel lost?

This is where spiritual teachings and I enter a match of tug and pull. It's fine to say "remain calm" but it is another thing to take twenty thousand people dead and the melt down of nuclear plants with a "ho hum that's life" attitude. Some might call such a response catatonia, depression, denial or even selfishness. I love the Buddhists and I love practicing Tibetan meditation but I must ask, "how do we remain calm, your holiness? How?"

1) Writing this helps. Putting the words on the page and expressing my feelings rather than redirecting or denying, is helpful. Admitting I am scared to death, at least to a page, is good. It moves the energy along. I want to scream and shake and shout too, but I will remind you I'm in the airport, so I have turned to typing.

2) I am directing my energy into prayer. The Heart Sutra has been called for by the Dalai Lama and so me and my pal K. over at Evening Star Jilly, are adding up mantra. We're at like 3000 already. If the monks can do it--why not a couple of freaked out Oregonians??

Plus, redirecting fear into something that can be helpful—a profound prayer like Heart Sutra or Our Father or anything that strikes your fancy can't be bad.

3) I watch my mind, conditioned since childhood towards a more fear based perspective due to many powerful traumas, like the early death of my mother and father. With little urging, I can go into an overdrive of fear based thinking faster than you can get a Porsche up to 100 mph on a Montana highway. So I make a point to watch it and even how the fear spreads though my body and speech like ink spilled on white linen, especially when I am with a lot of people who watch the news and tap on their own computers, taking in images of the disaster. If I can catch myself, I look past the fear to what is going on in the moment. See how all of us in this airport are safe in this moment. Our flights are on time. We have cups of coffee and tins of chocolate and clean air to breathe and smiling friends nearby. We are okay. I am okay. The sun shines. The birds fly.

When it comes again, fear, that great mental tsunami, the great nuclear meltdown, the great leveler of all levelers. I watch it again. I might even ask, "what do you want from me? Can you please, go away for one second while I count this prayer, feel this inhale and exhale, and write these words on the page?"

These are the ways I find, right now, to reach the calm HH talks about. I'm trying. I sure as hell don't have it all figured out. I really don't want to be a big know it all and tell you how to do it either. I just can admit I'm scared. And then I'm not. And then I am. And then I'm not. It's all I can do.

My flight is about to take off. Stop typing Jennifer, breathe, get on plane.

Fresh Writing: Forgive the Unforgiveable. How?

The word forgiveness hauls me back to when I was a young Catholic girl. I remember being taught how to recite Hail Mary Full of Grace and those confession boxes with a raspy voiced priest on the other side of a screen who told me he was God's gatekeeper. Before I could receive forgiveness for my collection of human sins--swearing, swiping a cookie or thinking a mean thought about my brother--I had to say, "Bless me Father for I have sinned."

To forgive was to be divine and as a child, among my spanking clean brethren, I did forgive all those who had trespassed against me. As time passed though, the trespasses seemed to add up faster than my ability to forgive and pretty soon I was buried in what had gone wrong. That's when I started to wonder: just what was the point of wiping the slate clean? Cynicism set in.

How do we forgive actions that seem unforgivable? A father who abandons us? A hospital emergency worker who killed our mother--by accident? The man who held a knife at our throat?

As I considered my own laundry list of sorrows, it felt more important to add up the crimes and stand as a proper witness to the many wrongs. It certainly seemed reasonable keep tab and be wary.

The question of forgiveness has come up for me a lot these days. Along with millions of other couples out there in the U.S., a country that suffers from a startling divorce rate, I'm in the middle of couples counseling with my husband. We are determined to save our marriage. For him it's number two. For me, number three. The statistics aren't on our side.

Second and third marriages have even higher failure rates than first marriages, according to Elizabeth Gilbert, who penned the book Committed about her own second marriage.

On one particular dark night, I went to sleep angry and woke up the same way. It had been like that for days, weeks and months. It hurt to be so pissed off at this man I called "husband" and an old lesson of forgiveness popped into my head. I thought, "just forgive him, Jennifer. Just try. Make it like a little candle you hold in a dark tunnel and keep your eye on that flame. Forgive him every five seconds if you have to but forgive."

This thought was the beginning of a major shift that nudged my rigid wall of anger just enough I could see past my husband and peer into deeper shadows. The image of the little candle held in the dark was one I had used before, as an eight-year-old child when I had endured a sustained violent and sexual attack by a man three times my age. Unable to escape, as a child, I took refuge in this image of the candle of forgiveness. I told myself that I might not live to see another day but it would be okay if I just held fast to that light.

To revisit forgiveness has meant, for me, that I had to revisit what it took to survive as a child and what I had been doing to survive for many years of my life. Yes, my marriage was in trouble but my own heart was in bigger trouble. It needed to heal in order to trust and love.

It's taken time but I've learned from myself as that small child, who used forgiveness as a way to survive, that forgiveness isn't idea and those who study forgiveness within the faith now have the wisdom to tell us forgiveness is beyond the religious and the dogmatic.

When you really look at the word "forgive" it means: to stop feeling angry or resentful toward. It means stopping and in the stopping, there is a form of surrender. In my own use of forgiveness, as a child, the act of "stopping" offered passage to the other side when I was out of options, directions and explanations.

My favorite study of forgiveness comes from Women Who Run with Wolves , by Clarisaa Pinkola Estes who writes, "many people have trouble with forgiveness because they have been taught it is a singular act to be completed in one sitting. That is not so. Forgiveness has many layers, many seasons."

Estes lists the four stages of forgiveness as these: to forgo (leave it alone), to forbear (abstain from punishing), to forget (refuse to dwell) and to finally, forgive (to abandon the debt).

Forgiveness is a lifetime path, perhaps a walk that is never fully complete but it is there and ready to be taken. I am taking my own journey on this path, one step at a time. I find the most important person to forgive as I go along, is myself and then I work out from there. As I take these small steps towards inner peace, I forgive, forgive and forgive again and while do this work, my husband remains at my side.

Posted on Huffington If you enjoy this please, pass it on and perhaps forgiveness will go viral!