Sue Baiman's Blog, page 14

I Told Myself a Story

I told myself a story

About a woman.

She was stronger than I felt,

Braver than I knew,

And someone I wanted to be.

I memorized this tale

Line by line and word for word.

By the time I knew it by heart

It was my heart

And she was manifest in me.

Sue

Stream of Consciousness

Still waters

Shallow puddles

Ideas floating downstream

Like so much flotsam

And I’m waving from the shoreline

Watching them float on by

Sometimes resigned to the fact

That there are too many of them,

They move too fast,

And are too far out of my reach.

I hear a familiar voice

Telling me I shouldn’t try so hard.

Is that my voice?

Well that just proves I’m an idiot.

Shut the fuck up!

Reach for what you want.

You do have talent.

Then again, maybe you don’t

But that’s okay

Talent is having a sharp pencil–

It won’t write any stories

By itself.

You can work,

Hard.

Put word after word,

Reach out,

Grab an idea,

Or two,

Or ten,

As they float on by.

Wrestle them down to the paper.

Push them down

Into the fibers of your being,

Water them

With tears and sweat

And blood,

Until they take root

On the shoreline of your dreams

And bear fruit.

Fruit so sweet

You almost forget

How much work it took to grow.

But now you have somewhere to climb

And if you turn your back,

For just a moment,

You can finally scratch that itch

Down the center of your being

While you act like a horse’s ass.

And the ideas keep floating by…

Are they the same ideas

Over and over again?

Or are you thinking up new things?

Maybe you should think less

And plant more.

Pick up the pencil,

The magic wand

Of words.

Create entire worlds

Out of whispered sounds.

Incantations

Of the imagination.

And enjoy the solitude

Of a tree fort

Built along the shore.

Or get off your ass

And swim.

First Review for DB&C

The first review for Deep Breaths & Chocolate is in…

I found myself agreeing with the poems as I read and thinking about what great advice was in between the lines. It really is smart poetry. I can relate to what was written as I’ve been heartbroken before, I can also relate to finding love and the ways it made me feel. There are some pretty hot poems… and I related to those as well… it seriously was like these poems were written for me to read and remember it all. I don’t usually read books twice but I can see myself reading from here when I need a little pick me up of inspiration.  ~Jessica on Goodreads.com

 

Twitter Bingo

If you use twitter, and follow more than a handful of people, you’ve probably noticed some of the typical tweets posted every day.  I’ve identified some of these types of tweets and propose if you do at least one tweet from each of five of these categories, you’ve achieved Twitter Bingo. If you think of some more, add them in the comments.

Food Pictures

Pet Pictures (particularly cat pics)

Tweets about your kids

Tweets about your job

Tweets on your latest project

The Inspirational Quote Tweet

The Angry Political RT

The Political Commentary Tweet

The Self-Promotional Tweet

The Tweet as Therapy (excessive personal info optional)

BINGO!!

Oh, and you can follow me @BrightEyedDyer on my home-away-from-home….The Twitter.

Sidewalk Chalk

Slipping through your embrace

Into the cracks in the sidewalk

Terrorized by a sing-song rhyme

That caused my 10-year old legs

To goose-step down the sidewalk

For fear of causing pain

Who’s to blame

When I flicker from view,

A whisper of all I used to be?

Phantom memory amputated,

Little girl lost only a block from home.

What if you never find me again?

Schoolyard memories,

Feeling unwanted and inferior.

Feigning laughter, trying to fit in,

When I couldn’t fade away fast enough.

Pretending I preferred solitude

When it was all I was afforded.

Sidewalks full of memories.

Crime scene chalk outlining

Past dreams only a foolish girl

Would entertain.

Lost in the cracks

Of all I never became.

Growing Up

If growing up

Means losing the wonder

Of each new moment

In each new day,

Thanks, but I’ll pass.

If growing up

Means letting the stress and worry

Of money (or the lack thereof)

Overshadow my existence,

Or cloud my vision,

So that I fail to see

The beauty all around me;

Or forget that love,

And words,

Are free,

Than I will stay a child

In a grownup’s body.

If growing up

Steals my laughter,

If adult conversations

Mean no more childish jokes,

If I must face

The brutal truths

Of an unkind world

Instead of looking for the good

In everyone and everything,

I will protest loudly

At the top of my immature lungs.

I will not act my age

When my body feels

Like I’m older than dirt.

I will not stifle my giggles.

Or stop trusting

Or stop smiling

Even if doing so

Means I get hurt sometimes

When people do not live up to

My naivety.

I will be impulsive

And impressionable.

I will flit between my loves

Juggling hobbies and jobs

Based on what feeds my soul.

I will laugh often,

Look for the amazing

In the mundane,

And never take myself

Too seriously.

None of this is to say

I won’t be responsible.

I’ve learned

That I can be an adult,

Without clubbing my inner child

To death.

And I rather like

Having her around.

Just Words

Words are my life;

My soul.

My exhalation

And my inward gasp.

They are my thoughts,

My wonderment,

Everything I grasp.

They are how I struggle

To understand,

Each sensation,

Each exploration

Of who and what

I am.

Words give meaning.

Sometimes.

When they are clear,

And concise.

Direct.

And correct.

There are no wrong answers

When trying to speak your heart.

And yet it is unfathomably

Difficult

To get it right;

Explain every part.

And if it were just words,

The initial selection,

That if chosen wisely

Would avoid vexation,

I might have half

A chance.

But no.

once selected,

They are shuffled

In my mind.

Like so many pieces

Of a jigsaw puzzle

Where the picture

Is nothing but black.

And the only way you know

That they go together,

Is by feel,

When they click

Into place.

Sounds,

Structure,

Elements of art,

Rhythm and rhyme;

These pieces of my heart.

I write them down

And tap them out;

Working,

And searching,

For understanding.

Yet for all these words,

And ways to compose,

Do you think for a second,

Do you suppose,

That I might for a moment,

The briefest instant,

Be able

To communicate,

Clearly,

Who and what I am?

My needs? My goals?

How you fit

Into my life?

Not a chance!

And I knew

Before we ever took

That first dance,

That I was making a

Horrid mistake.

I had the words,

But not the strength,

Or the bravery,

To face what they meant.

And without those things

Behind them,

I could not give them

To you.

Or spare us.

They were just words,

Stuck in my soul,

With nowhere to go,

And no way to be heard.

If I couldn’t speak them,

They were simply

Pieces of a puzzle,

Locked in the box.

Just words.

In the Darkness

In the darkness

Where your insecurities

Are harder to discern

I am blind

To your disguises

My fingers

Read your weaknesses

In Braille

Cover to cover

Touching every flaw

With the reverence

A lifetime of war stories

Told in flesh

Deserves

I bear witness

To your past sins

Even as we backslide

Into each others secrets

And pull the covers

Over us

To hide what we

Will never forget

Entwined in quiet

Understanding

Grey Skies

Minimal bits of blue

Overshadowed by shades of grey

Just enough definition

To feel the weight

Of the clouds

Pressing down

Threatening

I really wish

It would just rain

Decisively

Coldly

And wetly

Torrents streaming

Would be so much better

Than feeling apprehensive

On an already

Grey day

Sue

That Moment When

That moment when

A friend casually pats you on the shoulder

And you realize it’s the first time

Someone has touched you

Since you don’t know when

And you suddenly feel

So much older

And your heart grows colder

Knowing how alone

You’ve become

That moment when

You stride out into the world confidently

And you realize it’s the first time

You haven’t felt afraid

Since you don’t know when

And you suddenly feel

So alive

Thrilled to know you’ll survive

And it’s okay

To be on your own

Sue