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Book Review: The Night We Lost Him by Laura Dave

The Night We Lost Him by Laura Dave

My rating: 2 of 5 stars


Review also available on my site: https://roxannacross.com/2025/07/24/b...

This title is available on Amazon in paperback, hardcover, Kindle, or audiobook formats. It’s also available at your local library through the Libby App. The audiobook, published September 17, 2024, is narrated by Julia Whelan. Publishers describe the book as a combination of soulful suspense and evocative family drama, labeling it a thriller and a riveting page-turner. It also depicts an epic love story. Fair warning, the suspense is lacking. The family drama is in spades, and it is assuredly not a page-turner. Dave’s pacing for the word thriller doesn’t fit. The story moves as slowly as molasses in winter. As for the love story, Dave buried it in bits and pieces, reminding readers and listeners of mythical monsters being drawn and quartered and their remains being scattered to every corner of the earth. Not really stuff epic love stories are made of.

Hotel magnate Liam Noone is three times divorced and remains friendly with his three ex-wives. He is a very involved father to his three children: Nora, Sam, and Tommy, and he loves them all to the best of his ability. Nora, he’s had to love her from afar as he often spends his time at his cliffside cottage ‘Windbreak’ on the California coast, and she lives in Brooklyn, and unlike his twin boys, she doesn’t want anything to do with his company. And it’s at Windbreak that Liam falls to his death, even though the authorities rule it accidental. Nora and her half-brother Sam believe otherwise and embark on a journey to discover what really happened that night.

The book revolves around the night Liam died and a secret he has kept for over fifty years, with the timeline alternating between the present and the past. Nora narrates the present, and Liam shows readers and listeners the past through his eyes. It’s in these bits and pieces that the epic romance is introduced, but it’s sorely underdeveloped to the point of being unconvincing. Dave would have been better off focusing her efforts on the other plots, such as Nora’s relationship issues which only derailed readers away from the main plot and did not move it forward, Sam’s mid-life crisis and problems with his twin Tommy which remained unsolved, the secret negotiations for the sell of the company and Uncle Joe’s relationship with the potential buyer of the company, and accusations flying left and right. The family drama, the connections between the siblings, and the uncle would have been more beneficial to the readers and listeners than the superficial, nonsensical relationship between Liam and this woman, which just seemed to go around in circles. Perhaps then it would have provided a proper insight into the characters, as it is, Dave only gave us two-dimensional views without adding any depth.

The lack of drive, poor character development, and the snail’s pace for something coined as a riveting page-turner made this a disappointing 2-star listen.



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Book Review: Unf*ck Your Brain: Using Science to Get Over Anxiety, Depression, Anger, Freak-Outs, and Triggers by Faith G. Harper, PhD, LPC-S, ACS, CAN

Unfuck Your Brain: Using Science to Get Over Anxiety, Depression, Anger, Freak-Outs, and Triggers by Faith G. Harper

My rating: 1 of 5 stars


Review is also available on my site: https://roxannacross.com/2025/07/23/b...

Harper’s self-help book is available on Amazon in paperback, hardcopy, Kindle, and audiobook, or at your local library through the Libby App. The audiobook is narrated by the author, although someone should have warned her that the sound quality is poor and offers disturbing echoes similar to being recorded in a restroom stall. Also, yes, by the title, one expects profanity to be part of the book; however, for profanity to overshadow the content? Not so much. Harper tries too hard to be edgy, taking pauses before dropping every F-bomb and every other swear word under the sun, reminding listeners of a toddler who has just learned her bad words and is super thrilled to use them. The gratuitous use of profanity hinders her ability to deliver a decent book. Her explanation for this:

“I have a PhD I can say f*ck whenever I want.”

Harper’s PhD has no relevance to her use of profanity. The writing style of the book is more akin to that of a teenager on a rampage than that of an accomplished professional. Furthermore, the book only offers a surface look at the main topics of mental health: Anxiety, Depression, Anger, Freak-outs, and Triggers, mentioning common coping strategies for them. Covering the basics isn’t bad, but it might not be what readers or listeners were looking for when they picked up this book. Especially, when the opening line of the book is:

“You picked up this book because you have some unfucking to do.”

Therefore, not really unpacking the subjects above or providing substantial supportive evidence to her ramblings and profanities is thoughtless. The saving point is that she does, more than once, advise readers and listeners to seek professional help. The best advice Harper provides in the entire book.

Other helpful information, found amidst the many profanities, pertains to emotions and coping strategies. Harper explains that our emotions are supposed to last ninety seconds, and if the feelings last longer, then it becomes a mood when we are actively refreshing the emotion by thinking about it. She suggests that we focus on what we are feeling and explore those feelings, so that the emotion can pass and the mood can change. As for coping strategies, Harper suggests rehearsing them in a quiet place where we feel safe, calm, and relaxed. She also reminds us that when we try them for the first time, it can be difficult. A helpful tip: Write down the strategies that work for you on flashcards and carry them with you, so you can fall back on them later when you’re most stressed. She also recommended that we practice grounding exercises and mindfulness meditation. They have great ways to relieve anxiety, anger, diffuse freak-outs, help with depression, and grief.

The overuse of profanities, the lack of helpful information, and the poor audio quality make this a 1.5-star listen.



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Book Review: The Wedding Date by Jasmine Guillory

The Wedding Date by Jasmine Guillory

My rating: 1 of 5 stars


Review is also available on my site: https://roxannacross.com/2025/07/22/t...

In this debut novel, Guillory starts strong with an original meet-cute scene when the main characters, Alexa Monroe and Drew Nichols, get trapped in a broken-down elevator and share some soft cheese with crackers, engaging in witty banter and flirtatious looks. By the end of the encounter, Drew has Alexa agreeing to be his fake girlfriend for his ex’s upcoming wedding that weekend.

As fake dating goes, real sparks fly. Usually, sex is an excellent thing in a romance novel. Sex can even come first, and the emotions can follow. However, the execution of the scenes themselves felt off kilter. Perhaps it has to do with the abortive way they were written. Guillory didn’t quite fade-to-black, no, she teased in a way that wasn’t altogether unappealing, showing readers things would be leading up to something significant, and then suddenly it’s over. The sort-of, kind-of-happening writing style cheats the readers out of intimacy, thus disconnecting the readers from an essential part of the storyline, considering the book is sixty percent sex and forty percent eating and miscommunications.

When the weekend ends, and Cinderella and Prince are supposed to part ways, they embark on a journey of back and forth, traveling from L.A., Drew’s home, and Berkeley, where they met and Alexa lives. The long-distance relationship and lack of honest communication between them grow tiresome. Guillory presents us with these educated adults. Drew is a doctor, and Alexa is a Mayor’s Chief of Staff, yet they can’t communicate for a dime. Drew is a declared commitment-phobic guy, and Alexa’s insecurities get the better of her; she can’t stop comparing herself to others. Her body image issues throughout the book are borderline on the paranoid side. Making them both appear immature, jumping to conclusions about each other, the constant pessimism just grew exhausting.

The saving grace of Guillory’s work is the cast of supporting characters. Alexa’s co-worker, Theo, and her best friend, Maddie, are offering her support with coffee, boxes of doughnuts, bottles of wine, or just their presence. Her work itself demonstrates her passion and intelligence. The project she fights to get approved by the City Council: The Arts Rehabilitation Program for African American at-risk youth. Readers can sense how badly she needs this to get off the ground and can’t help but root for her. Drew’s co-worker, Carlos, is a hoot, and honestly, he doesn’t deserve a friend like that, given the way he treats him. Drew is grade A, asswipe. He has jealous fits and temper tantrums, taking everything out on Carlos, almost coming to blows. Why did Guillory include such a great character but leave him with a toxic friendship? If it was to show the softer side of Drew, it didn’t work. Jack is one of Drew’s patients who required surgery after a car accident, and a follow-up MRI shows that Jack has leukemia, but again, Guillory left the thread of that story plot up in the air, so readers don’t know what happened to him. However, Drew’s interaction with Jack was sweet, and his breakdown when he found out about the leukemia was heart-wrenching.

The fast pace Guillory maintained kept the storyline moving, making this a quick and easy read. If you’re a fan of rom-coms and can overlook the flaws, this one is for you. Otherwise, it’s best left on the shelf. Sorry, folks, giving this one a 1.5 stars.



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The Housemaid’s Secret: Housemaid #2 by Freida McFaden

The Housemaid's Secret by Freida McFadden

My rating: 1 of 5 stars


Review is also available on my site: https://roxannacross.com/2025/07/20/t...

Trigger Warnings: Includes graphic scenes of domestic abuse, which can be triggering for readers or listeners in similar situations.

The Housemaid’s Secret was first published on February 15, 2023, and became available as an audiobook in the same month. It is also available in paperback, hardcover, and Kindle formats on Amazon or at your local library through the Libby app. Although this is the sequel to the Housemaid series, it can be read as a standalone. The book is narrated from dual points of view: Wilhelmina Calloway, “Millie,” and Wendy Garrick, both of whom are smoothly narrated by Lauryn Allman.

Millie is a housekeeper with a complicated and secretive past that makes it hard for her to find employment. When a wealthy couple offers her a cleaning job on the Upper West Side, she thanks her lucky stars. As soon as Millie starts her new job, she realizes something is not all as it seems, especially since there is one door she must never open; the guest bedroom door where the lady of the house is recuperating from an illness. The loud sounds coming from behind the closed door are unnerving, and besides, Millie’s never been good with following the rules.

The premise of McFaden’s storyline is sound. However, how many times do we have to hear about the ‘perfect boyfriend’, his perfect family, his over-white teeth, and Millie’s laments about not telling him about her past? Tell him already, or shut up about it. McFaden isn’t moving the story forward. Instead, she’s making it go in circles, repeating the same thing in different ways, thus creating a dizzying effect that disconnects the readers and listeners from the story.

Wendy is a complex antagonist. She’s a manipulative, cunning, cold, calculated bitch who takes on the role of a battered spouse to gain Millie’s confidence and help. By skillfully orchestrating a series of events, starting with a scheme to marry Douglas Garrick to achieve financial security, agreeing to sign a prenuptial agreement limiting her settlement, but when Wendy realizes she’s unable to mold Douglas into the image she wants him to be, she begins to have an affair with Russell Simonds and a new plan forms.

McFaden initially presents Wendy as a victim of domestic abuse, creating convincing scenes for Millie, readers, and listeners to believe her plight. Gaining Millie’s trust by giving her the name of a woman she’s helped out of similar situation before Wendy, deceives Millie into believing the makeup she’s carefully applied are actual bruises and a staged scene between her and lover choking her to “mock” death leads Millie to shoot him in Wendy’s defense making it easy for her to frame Millie for her husband murder. She’s as intelligent as she is ruthless. Greed is her ultimate motivator throughout the book, and she shows no genuine emotions.

Authors do have creative license, however, for real domestic violence victims out there and for those wonderful people like Millie who provide underground help through connections, it’s despicable to have exploited that network in such fashion. Yes, McFaden wanted to sell the twist, oh no, it’s all fake, my husband has never laid a hand on me, but I did want him dead, and most of all, I wanted his money, and it’s convenient to pin it all on the help. The entire thing leaves a sour taste in the mouth, making this a 1.5-star read or listen.




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Book review: When the Body Says No: The Cost of Hidden Stress by Gabor Maté

When the Body Says No: The Cost of Hidden Stress by Gabor Maté

My rating: 1 of 5 stars


Review also available on my site: https://roxannacross.com/2025/07/16/b...

Gabor Maté’s book, initially published in paperback, hardcover, and Kindle edition in 2002, became available as an audiobook in April 2021. The audiobook is narrated by Daniel Maté, his son, creating a symbiotic relationship between listeners and the Maté father and son, as Daniel obviously knows and understands the material, introducing it with passion and proper emphasis when deserved.

In “When the Body Says No,” Maté aims to warn readers and listeners about the impact of hidden stress on the body, stating that it can lead to a range of diseases, including but not limited to Cancer, Alzheimer’s, Multiple Sclerosis, and Rheumatoid Arthritis. Through anecdotal stories from his palliative care patients, Maté will present his theory, although no supporting evidence is provided. The tone and broad statements suggest a blame-the-victim approach, which can be potentially harmful to readers and listeners.

The best example is his theory on lung cancer. According to him, smoking doesn’t cause cancer; instead, DNA does. The analogy used is smoking no more causes cancer of the lung, that being thrown in deep water causes drowning, as fatal as it can be for a non-swimmer. A combination of factors is required to cause drowning, and he provides equations to support his point; however, later on in the book, he mentions how cigarettes can have an impact on cancer, which is a direct contradiction to his earlier chapter.

Amidst the confusion between correlation and causation, Maté did hit a nail on the head when speaking about medicine. We have lost something over time, ignoring hundreds of years of history, experience, and wisdom in exchange for the narrow views of modern science, the final arbitrator of our sufferings. Physicians appear to have lost some of the most essential qualities: listening to patients, developing a relationship with them, and relying on their intuition. Now, they rely solely on objective measures, technology-based diagnostic methods, and scientific cures. They invented a new field of study, ‘psychoneuroimmunology’, which is the study of the interactions between psychological processes and the nervous system, thereby discovering the scientific basis of what had previously been known but lost.

Maté also discusses stress-inducing stimuli, such as a lack of control, love, or information, which trigger the body’s responses to threat: the Fight-or-Flight response, characterized by the release of adrenaline hormones. Uncertainty, conflict, unsatisfied emotional needs, and unfulfilled consummatory behavior are the main culprits. They will play havoc on our bodies, and if left unchecked, will lead to diseases mentioned above, according to Maté. Which is a gross overstatement. Understanding the importance of stress and how it impacts us is one thing, but saying it will lead to cancer and other autoimmune diseases is pushing the envelope.

The anecdotes were repetitive and could have been condensed, making the book more concise and engaging. The lack of supportive evidence and the confusion between correlation and causation were frustrating and, frankly, insulting, coming from such a renowned personage who brought us a disappointing book, one that belongs in a pile with fairy dust, unicorns, and flying carpets. Sorry, folks, but this one gets only one star.Gabor Maté’s book, initially published in paperback, hardcover, and Kindle edition in 2002, became available as an audiobook in April 2021. The audiobook is narrated by Daniel Maté, his son, creating a symbiotic relationship between listeners and the Maté father and son, as Daniel obviously knows and understands the material, introducing it with passion and proper emphasis when deserved.

In “When the Body Says No,” Maté aims to warn readers and listeners about the impact of hidden stress on the body, stating that it can lead to a range of diseases, including but not limited to Cancer, Alzheimer’s, Multiple Sclerosis, and Rheumatoid Arthritis. Through anecdotal stories from his palliative care patients, Maté will present his theory, although no supporting evidence is provided. The tone and broad statements suggest a blame-the-victim approach, which can be potentially harmful to readers and listeners.

The best example is his theory on lung cancer. According to him, smoking doesn’t cause cancer; instead, DNA does. The analogy used is smoking no more causes cancer of the lung, that being thrown in deep water causes drowning, as fatal as it can be for a non-swimmer. A combination of factors is required to cause drowning, and he provides equations to support his point; however, later on in the book, he mentions how cigarettes can have an impact on cancer, which is a direct contradiction to his earlier chapter.

Amidst the confusion between correlation and causation, Maté did hit a nail on the head when speaking about medicine. We have lost something over time, ignoring hundreds of years of history, experience, and wisdom in exchange for the narrow views of modern science, the final arbitrator of our sufferings. Physicians appear to have lost some of the most essential qualities: listening to patients, developing a relationship with them, and relying on their intuition. Now, they rely solely on objective measures, technology-based diagnostic methods, and scientific cures. They invented a new field of study, ‘psychoneuroimmunology’, which is the study of the interactions between psychological processes and the nervous system, thereby discovering the scientific basis of what had previously been known but lost.

Maté also discusses stress-inducing stimuli, such as a lack of control, love, or information, which trigger the body’s responses to threat: the Fight-or-Flight response, characterized by the release of adrenaline hormones. Uncertainty, conflict, unsatisfied emotional needs, and unfulfilled consummatory behavior are the main culprits. They will play havoc on our bodies, and if left unchecked, will lead to diseases mentioned above, according to Maté. Which is a gross overstatement. Understanding the importance of stress and how it impacts us is one thing, but saying it will lead to cancer and other autoimmune diseases is pushing the envelope.

The anecdotes were repetitive and could have been condensed, making the book more concise and engaging. The lack of supportive evidence and the confusion between correlation and causation were frustrating and, frankly, insulting, coming from such a renowned personage who brought us a disappointing book, one that belongs in a pile with fairy dust, unicorns, and flying carpets. Sorry, folks, but this one gets only one star.



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Book Review: Everyone Who Can Forgive Me is Dead by Jenny Hollander

Everyone Who Can Forgive Me Is Dead by Jenny Hollander

My rating: 2 of 5 stars


Review is also available on my site: https://roxannacross.com/2025/07/11/b...

Trigger warning: Includes scenes of school violence, cutting, overuse of medication and alcohol as coping mechanisms, and scenes of extreme panic attacks with dissociation, which can be triggering to readers or listeners who suffer from similar conditions.

This debut psychological suspense audiobook is also available in paperback, hardcover, or Kindle on Amazon or at your local library through the Libby App. The audiobook is narrated by Marisa Calin, and the story presented is told in a dual timeline style, switching between the past and the present.

Nine years ago, when Charlotte ‘Charlie’ Colbert started her graduate degree in journalism, headlines lit up everywhere with the story of a mass murder on a school campus, which reporters and police dubbed the “Scarlet Christmas.” Charlie was there, and she knew she was more than just a spectator, a fact she’s worked hard to keep hidden. This life-altering event shook her foundation, leaving her scarred by the past. Now, word of a movie set to be filmed about that blood-soaked night brings it all back, and Charlie has too much to lose. She’s the editor-in-chief of a glamorous magazine and is engaged to the golden boy of the publishing industry. Charlie must stop this movie, no matter what. Even if it means more blood must be spilled.

Like a tightrope walker who must keep in perfect balance, Hollander presented to readers and listeners a female protagonist suffering from severe episodes of depression, anxiety, repressed memories, and other mental issues relating to trauma. Charlie works through her problems with the help of a therapist, albeit unsure if the methods applied in the book are valid or not. The overuse of medication and alcohol as Charlie’s coping mechanism was worrisome, and the fact that Hollander didn’t address this by making a friend or her fiancée notice if it was by choice or an oversight? However, the extreme panic attacks with the dissociation episodes were beautifully written and filled with gripping emotions that readers and listeners could relate to.

Hollander’s use of the therapy session to switch the timeline from present to past blends well with the story’s flow, keeping the narrative on track and bringing it back to where it needs to be. This is very well done. In this back-and-forth plot, lines are introduced and dropped. The motives are lackluster and could have been handled differently, which impacts the ending and weakens the book’s potential. It’s as if Hollander lost her way or changed course at some point, and everything unraveled in a rush of wind, wrapping up everything in a neat package yet leaving questions in the minds of readers and listeners. Why?

Charlie’s go-to coping mechanism of expensive wines and pills, her dismissive attitude towards friends in her quest to stop the ‘movie,’ and the rushed, almost frenzied ending are what make this a 2.5-star read or listen.



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Book review: The Heiress by Rachel Hawkins

The Heiress by Rachel Hawkins

My rating: 4 of 5 stars


Review also available on my site: https://roxannacross.com/2025/07/10/b...

This audiobook is also available in paperback, hardcover, or Kindle on Amazon or at your local library through the Libby App. The narration is done by four narrators: Dan Bittner, Eliza Foss, John Pirhalla, and Patti Murin. The voice of Ruby is spot on and should not be missed by readers or listeners who enjoy mystery-suspense stories about complicated, twisted, crazy families.

Hawkins brings to life a dysfunctional family in The Heiress, telling the story from three points of view:

Camden McTavish: an orphan boy who unexpectedly inherits a nine-figure fortune from his adoptive mother.

Jules: Camden’s beautiful and supportive wife, but she has an agenda of her own.

Ruby McTavish: through a series of letters left behind, this third perspective connects readers and listeners to the entire McTavish clan: Ben, the wolf in sheep’s clothing, Libby the spoiled brat, and great aunt Nell, who doesn’t hide her disdain for Camden, ’s existence or her resentment towards her late sister Ruby.

The story reveals secrets that have been buried for over half a century. The cold-hearted calculations and machinations undertaken by the characters to achieve their goals are vividly portrayed, making it easy for readers and listeners to root for or against them. However, there are dead plotlines that could have been fixed. As in what happens to the housekeeper, what was with the confrontation between Camden and Libby about the gate? What about all those missing hikers? Other little things could have been tied off more neatly as well, instead of letting their plot lines die off into nothingness.

“Heiress, philanthropist, onetime kidnap victim, Ruby Mctavish Callahah Woodward Miller Kenmore dies at 73,” The Asheville Citizen-Times, April 2, 2013.

If she were still alive, Ruby McTavish Callahah Woodward Miller Kenmore wouldn’t be surprised to see her name in the paper. She’s actually quite famous, not only for her wealth but also for that unfortunate incident at the age of three when she was kidnapped, and well, people always want to know about her four husbands, who all died under suspicious circumstances. What exactly happened to them? Is Ruby really a cold-blooded killer? She does have the nickname “Lady Kill-More,” after all.

At the time of her death, Ruby’s entire estate, a nine-figure fortune, and newsworthy family history were passed down to her adopted son, Camden McTavish, who turned his back on his inheritance and the rest of the McTavishes. Until the family calls him back home to Ashby House when his uncle dies, it’s been ten years since Ruby’s death, and Cam doesn’t relish the thought of setting foot on McTavish land. Still, he and his wife, Jules, decide to travel together from Colorado to Tavistock, North Carolina. They find the fifteen-room mansion is in disrepair, and Ruby’s will is a tangled mess that must be dealt with once and for all.

Untangling the will, pulling strings here and there, is like a game of cat and mouse with secrets floating in the air that can destroy a legacy. The discovery of Ruby’s letters to an unknown recipient retelling her life since her kidnapping pulls on those strings, showing readers and listeners just how despicable the McTavish clan is, making it easy to relate to Camden and why he wanted nothing to do with his disturbing, dysfunctional, and a bit mental family. Camden is a total stress case throughout the book, and his voice in the audiobook perfectly portrays that. As for the letters, they were witty, often held a laughing tone, and the detailed machinations and justifications were occasionally over-simplified, but somehow that made them all the more genuine. Honestly, they were the best part of the book, and why this is a 4-star read or listen.



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Book review: The War Pianist by Mandy Robotham

The War Pianist by Mandy Robotham

My rating: 4 of 5 stars


Review also available on my site: https://roxannacross.com/2025/07/09/b...

In this historical fiction set in both London during the World War II Blitz and in Nazi-occupied Amsterdam, Robotham introduces us to two strong female protagonists: pianists who operate or control radio transmitters, tapping out messages in Morse code as quickly as if playing a concerto on a piano. It’s riveting and well-plotted, with genuine characters that will draw readers in from the start.

It’s July 1940, and Corrie Bakker, in Amsterdam under Nazi occupation, works for the Dutch Resistance. Danger approaches on all sides. Robotham’s writing is vivid. The readers can hear the boots of the soldiers coming as Corrie desperately tries to protect her family from the encroaching threats. In London, Marnie Fern, who works at the British Broadcasting Corporation, or BBC, picks her way through the burning debris to the safety of one of the underground shelters. Again, Robotham’s writing pulls the reader into the scene; you can smell the cordite in the air, taste the fear, and see the rubble left behind by the bombers. Once the raid ends, she makes her way to her beloved grandad’s house only to discover that a bomb destroyed his shop and home and killed him in the attack. Grief so powerful overtakes her, and she’s further shocked by the discovery that he’s been working as a pianist, connecting to Corrie. Marnie must continue his work to honor him.

Robotham beautifully portrays the connection between parallel lives in times of desperation. The story has many twists and turns, and the pace is tense, as it should be, to keep the terrifying manipulations, cruelty, and danger lurking around every corner real for the readers, making it more personal. It’s a story of bravery, betrayal, and, most of all, survival and bonds of friendship forged in fire.

Although the ending ties everything together and brings readers up to date, it is rushed compared to the rest of the book’s pacing and could have been more impactful, thus making this a 4-star read.



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Book Review: Widen the Window Training Your Body to Thrive During Stress and Recover from Trauma by Elizabeth A. Stanley

Widen the Window: Training Your Brain and Body to Thrive During Stress and Recover from Trauma by Elizabeth A. Stanley

My rating: 3 of 5 stars


Review also available on my site: https://roxannacross.com/2025/07/07/b...

A self-help audiobook, also available in paperback, hardcover, and Kindle formats on Amazon or at your local library, is narrated by the author herself, creating a sense of intimacy between the author and listener, as she knows where to emphasize the material presented in the book.

Stanley uses the analogy of a “stress window” to explain that we can all handle stress, and that our survival (lizard) brain regulates our responses to it. It constantly scans for internal and external threats in a process called neuroception. She uses the example of a caveman chased by a beast, fearing for his life, and his lizard brain taking over in the moment of Fight, Flight, or Freeze mode, which is the survival brain’s three lines of defense for responding to stress that exceeds our window of tolerance. This line of defense is also known as the sympathetic nervous system, or SNS for short.

What is important to remember is that traumas are personal and unique to each individual. However, Stanley’s research seems out of touch or out of date or perhaps even skewed by her bias when she discloses that only the big Ts of traumas, such as but not limited to terrorist attacks, school shootings, natural disasters, and combat, are socially understood. In contrast, the small Ts of trauma are not as comprehended, and this includes sexual assault, child neglect, abuse, and others.

Stanley says society’s views on stress as a badge of honor is the reason why we ignore the little traumas easily, because if I‘m stressed, sleep deprived, and adopt the attitude of:

“SUCK IT UP AND DRIVE ON.”

Because I’m important, I’m busy and overworked, and others recognize this. She uses an example from her time in the armed forces when she implemented a new system and stayed awake for over seventy-two hours, fighting off an infection caused by a sting, using coffee, sugar, and chewing tobacco to get it done. In the end, she received a commendation for her hard work, but was it sane of her to do so? Not giving her brain the recovery time from stress.

Recovery time from stress is managed by the survival brain, known as allostasis. The recovery process doesn’t start until the survival brain perceives safety. Chronic stress impedes the recovery. It doesn’t allow the survival brain to feel safe, building an allostatic load in the system over the long term, which causes dysregulation, affects cognitive performance in the decision-making process, and ultimately leads to stress-related diseases.

According to Stanley, the four best ways of reducing stress are:

Having an active social life
Getting enough sleep
Eating a balanced diet
Exercising regularly

She also recommends journaling and a mindfulness-based mind fitness training program she developed and teaches at various military bases, healthcare facilities, and Capitol Hill. They use this program to identify when we’re carrying a heavy allostatic load and employ the appropriate “ground and regulate” strategies for “discharging” that energy in healthy and adaptive ways instead of using harmful coping mechanisms such as smoking, drinking, binge eating, or compulsive actions.

Throughout the book, Stanley frequently emphasizes the importance of personal accountability, a key component in unlearning learned helplessness. However, the examples she uses are once again out of touch:

“Switch to a four-day work week.”
“Take days off.”
“Have one day every week where you do nothing.”
These are unrealistic and inaccessible to most readers or listeners, and disappointing because they don’t present real solutions for them, but instead shift the burden back onto them.

A reinvention of DBT layered with the author’s prejudices and biases into the material, with top-tier explanations about the body’s stress response system and exceptional skills to regulate it to decrease the long-term negative health consequences. The bulk of the book was helpful, informative, and well-researched and could easily be verified, meriting three stars.



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Book review: The 5 Resets: Rewire Your Brain and Body for Less Stress and More Resilience by Dr. Aditi Nerurkar

The 5 Resets: Rewire Your Brain and Body for Less Stress and More Resilience by Aditi Nerurkar

My rating: 4 of 5 stars


Review is also available on my site: https://roxannacross.com/2025/07/02/b...

This self-development audiobook, also available in paperback, hardcover, and Kindle on Amazon or at your local library, is narrated by the author herself, which makes it more intimate since she knows what she wants listeners to get out of the experience. Dr. Nerurkar drew on anecdotes from herself and her patients to provide enough details to describe what our stress is telling us, and that “Stress is a normal part of the human experience.”

She explains the five resets to rewire the brain:

Get clear on what matters most.
Find quiet in a noisy world.
Sync your brain and your body.
Come up for air
Bring your best self forward.

Dr. Nerurkar blends anecdotes, personal examples from her life, and those of her patients, along with questions to reflect on and tangible advice, connecting her readers and listeners to her, her patients, and their stories rather than a passing blip. She expresses the importance of embracing the idea that change can help you become wiser, stronger, and more adaptable, which is the essence of the growth mindset.

The world around us is so busy with all the social media frenzy, news at our fingertips, advertisements, television, movies, and on and on. The buzz is never-ending, thus the need to find the quiet in a noisy world. Dr. Nerurkar uses an example of a patient and how his addiction to news and social media has taken over his life. She asked him to apply the theory of two, which means making two changes in his routine for thirty days, such as turning off all notifications from his phone and setting aside four increments of twenty minutes of phone time spaced out throughout his day to check his new reels.

“STOP. BREATHE. BE.”

Dr. Nerurkar recommends this technique to many of her patients, as it allows them to pause in the moment of overwhelming stress or anxiety, breathe using methods such as the 4-4-4 or 4-7-8, and calm the storm within, enabling them to be centered and ready to move forward, body and brain in sync once more.

Dr. Nerurkar reminds her patients that the road to recovery from burnout is a slow and intentional process and that they should give themselves time, patience, and self-compassion to reach their goals. Looping back to previous patients, keeping readers and listeners engaged, she revisits the example of her patient with the news addiction and how he’s now implementing two additional changes to his routine to reach his ultimate goal. She asked him to stop charging his phone on his bedside table to avoid the middle-of-the-night urges to check his phone and to integrate twenty minutes of screen-free movement therapy, such as walking. These rituals, which we perform repeatedly in a specific order, serve as helpful catalysts to prime our brains, allowing us to create some mental space when we have little to no physical space.

For the last reset, Dr. Nerurkar addresses how our stressed brain is hyper-vigilant to the external environment, and even a seemingly insignificant mistake can trigger a cascade of negative emotions. In this state of hyper-vigilance and heightened sensitivity, adverse experiences are hallmarks of any maladaptive stress response. Therefore, by teaching our brain the language of gratitude, we’re protecting it from some of the harmful effects of stress. Again, she reminds her patients that “Stress is a normal part of the human experience.”

The main takeaways from Dr. Nerurkar’s advice are the canary warnings. She draws a parallel between canaries in the mines that warned miners of trouble when they stopped singing and how we all have our own internal canary songs warning of trouble. However, it may be a problem for us to respond to it, but we shouldn’t stop listening to our canary song. And when we realize we’ve made progress, celebrate every single win, both big and small.

The balance of examples, research, thought-provoking questions, and advice, along with the candid delivery of it, makes this a 4-star read or listen.



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