L.E. Carmichael's Blog, page 27
January 28, 2019
Thoughts on Returning from Aquaman
Scene: Lindsey and Tech Support driving home after seeing Aquaman Lindsey: I want my very own angry seahorse. Tech Support: I thought you wanted a bioluminescent octopus to play the drums for you. Lindsey: Yes. To play the drums while I ride my angry seahorse. Tech Support: Like Guitar Guy from Fury Road. Lindsey: Exactly. Tech Support: And all the manta rays are yelling “WITNESS ME!!” This is why we’re married.
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January 24, 2019
Tidying Secrets I Did Not Learn From Marie Kondo
Like most people with a social media account, I’ve been exposed to a lot of Marie Kondo over the last couple of weeks. Since a high proportion of my online friends are either writers or avid readers, a lot of that reaction has been on the negative-to-downright-enraged side, due to the rumour that Kondo will only let you keep your 30 favourite books. She never actually said that. She did say that it’s not for her to tell you what brings you joy, and if books make you happy, keep them. (Just not the ones that you feel like you […]
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January 21, 2019
Why I’ll (Probably) Never Write a “Real” Book
“So when are you going to write a real book?” Children’s writers in my audience are probably groaning right now, because this is a question we’ve all been asked at least once. Most of us come back with an expression of comically-exaggerated confusion and something along the lines of “As opposed to all of the imaginary ones?” Inside, though, we are typically seething with rage or welling up with existential despair, because what the questioner really means is “When are you going to write a book for adults?” The implication, of course, being that books for kids are in some […]
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January 16, 2019
Happy… Middle of January
2019, huh. So far, gotta say, not lovin’ it. To be fair, it’s been an especially challenging two weeks. We opened the year with a funeral for Tech Support’s mother, a wonderful woman who is already deeply missed. Air travel and stress led to illness, which led to cancelling my first school visits of the year… and also attempting to write while my brain was cocooned in bubble wrap, thanks to manuscript revisions that had to be turned around very quickly. Is it any wonder that both Fox Cousteau and I have been snuggling our Emotional Support Unicorn for the […]
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December 22, 2018
A Sleighful of Science About Reindeer
No matter which winter holiday you celebrate, I wish you the very best of the season. For those raised in the Santa Claus tradition, here are some festive facts about reindeer! 1) Reindeer and caribou are the same species, Rangifer tarandus. Some people use the common name “reindeer” for the European subspecies, and “caribou” for the North American subspecies. Others prefer to use “reindeer” for domestic herds, saving “caribou” for wild herds. For our holiday purposes, I will stick with reindeer! 2) Yes, there ARE domestic herds! Reindeer herding has been practiced by Indigenous peoples across Europe and Asia for thousands […]
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November 22, 2018
How You Can Tell It’s the Holiday Season at My House
I switched from “all season” Bath and Body Works products to Twisted Peppermint, which smells exactly like candy canes and is therefore just plain weird at other times of the year. I’ve also been listening to John Denver and The Muppets. And The Muppet’s A Red and Green Christmas. And the soundtrack to A Muppet Christmas Carol. Because nothing puts you in the holiday mood like The Muppets. Yes, it’s a little early – I usually wait until December 1 before succumbing to the season. But it’s been a rough couple months, and sometimes we need to soothe ourselves in any […]
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November 1, 2018
Halloween: The Rise of the Chocolate Mafia
Ah, Halloween. When I was a kid, it meant three things: 1) Trying to come up with a costume that would fit OVER my parka, because it’s cold in southern Alberta after dark at the end of October. One year, my mom got free boxes from the grocery store, cut arm and neck holes, and painted them – my brother was a die and I was a domino. We were the hit of the neighbourhood. 2) Losing most of my haul to said mother, because that was before peanut-free factories, and half of what was in my pillowcase would have […]
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October 29, 2018
Earl Bakken: The Man Who Changed Our Hearts
Earl Bakken passed away last week at the age of 94. Not many people have heard of Bakken, but he saved millions of lives all around the world. In 1949, Bakken founded Medtronic, a garage-based medical equipment repair shop that made $8 in its first month of operation. In 1957, an infant with a heart condition died after a blackout disabled her plug-in pacemaker. At her surgeon’s request, Bakken invented the world’s first portable model, powered by an external battery taped to the chest. A few years later, he and his partners licensed designs for the first implantable pacemaker. Money […]
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October 27, 2018
Witchcraft: Only Illegal If You Fake It
The phrase “witch hunt” has been tossed around pretty casually lately, but here’s a case where it might actually apply: an Ontario psychic has just been charged with practicing witchcraft. Or, more accurately, with pretending to practice witchcraft. Fun fact: the actual practice of witchcraft is legal in Canada. Faking it for profit, not so much. That’s what our psychic is accused of – telling customers she will lift the curse upon them, provided they are willing to pay. According to The National Post, many people were willing to pay, and pay well. The psychic is believed to have collected […]
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October 25, 2018
Randomly
So far this week: Found a $5 bill blowing down the sidewalk in Ottawa; found a $20 bill in the laundry two days later. Let’s hope this is the start of a trend. Took a tour of Parliament. May have spotted an MP. Experienced major library envy. Huddled in sweater, wool jacket, scarf, gloves, and touque while watching a guy in a kilt play the bagpipes at the cenotaph. Marvelled at his fortitude. Listened to an elderly veteran at the Canadian War Museum tell his favourite stories about women in the military, whom he called his sisters. Ate way too […]
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