d. ellis phelps's Blog, page 2

what she holds, a poetic memoir

(c) d. ellis phelps 2020

what she holds is my poetic memoir. It is a transformative work of writing as the healing process and for me the work of reconciliation. Here is the first poem:

uninvited

born

my breath
my body

( uninvited )


into this:

she left you
in your crib

you know
when you were two

she went down the road
to see that man

~

still
i wanted

precious one
cherished one

~

on mother’s day

this child
of eight

chose~

the flowers

[in the car
you wait]

carnelian rose

—french
provincial

vase:

miniature
polyurethane

molded

for life

~

later you
hated

your voice
my eyes

this vase
my mother

on the floor

~

still
i wanted

pretty one
strong one

~

when i
was twenty

there were parties
& men

—no more

wanting

numb girl
fun girl

forgetting
~

forgetting

the day
i came home

—a woman

my breasts
my hips

full

soft under-belly

becoming

me begging

another man inside

my body

—mine

~

you’re getting fat
you say

your disgust
my condemnation:

—alchemical fire

i do not know this
but we are

making:

transformative soup

& i
have left you

for another

man

~

is this the day

you turned
away

—decided

i must be

like her

~

one woman told me:

when evening
comes her husband

ties knots

turquoise twine
has consumed
the yard

he is building
a trellis

for a bean vine
—transparent

wine veins

out of control

~

the plant she says
has not produced

enough for even
one small meal

yet he
will not

cut it down

~

again
i want

again
i want

never mind
what good it is
or
whether it will last

i want

—what lives

i want turquoise

i want twine

I have removed the Moon Shadow Sanctuary Press version of the book from publication on Amazon’s KDP, as I have closed MSSP and am no longer in the hard-copy press business. Though there may be residual copies available online, I offer the manuscript here in its entirety for paid subscribers to my Writer’s Idea Box (a mere $10 annually).

When you subscribe to the Writer’s Idea Box, you will have access to both this poetic memoir, my novel Making Room for George, and to monthly writing craft workshop syllabi (here’s a sample) that I have been using in workshops with adult writers for a decade, and more paid subscriber only content.

If you’re ready to subscribe now, click the handy button below to get started and to read what holds her!

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Or, read what others have said about what she holds. Here are the back cover blurbs from the book:

Blurbs all three for what she holdsDownload

Please be aware that what she holds contains what could be emotional triggers from some. I have tried to be sensitive yet honest and transparent. My prayer is that as readers engage with the work, especially women who have had difficult father-daughter relationships, will, in walking along my path with me, be themselves led to forgiveness and thus transformation and healing.

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Floral abstract 8.18.25: “luminous”

There had been family drama. Tension lingered. I needed solace. I wanted to embody peace and calm, but I (the small ego-self) was far from feeling peaceful. I brought out my paints and started painting, chanting “Om Nama Shivaya, Om!” This painting is the product of that meditation.

original 6×6” watercolor on paper, 2025

I am convinced that the peace and ultimate joy this painting brought to me in the process of its making is carried in the energy field of the painting itself and that if you own this painting, each time you consider it, you also will be imbued with the peaceful, and joyful energy it holds.

If you would like to own this original painting, acquire it here.

Namaste,

d

Floral abstract 8.18.25

New work!

6×6” watercolor on paper, 2025, Available.

Contact me with interest. $50 plus shipping.

New work: 8.17.25

Unframed Watercolor on paper, 6×6”

Colorific for your space!

Message me with interest. $50 plus postage.

Making Room for George, a love story

I published Making Room for George with Balboa Press (the independent publishing arm of Hay House) in 2013 and after spending loads of time and money with them to promote the book, I took the book back and published the second edition as Moon Shadow Sanctuary Press in 2016 on Kindle Direct (formerly Create Space), Amazon’s print on demand venue. Then I spent more time, energy, and money marketing the book. I’m tired now.

It’s a really good book! It’s tender, funny, heart-warming, a book based on real events I lived during a time when my father-in-law, George, came to live with us. But don’t take my word for it, here are twenty-four five star reviews from Amazon readers for your perusal:

five star reviews for GeorgeDownload

I have decided to remove the book from sales on Amazon, close my small press (very small, it’s just me really), Moon Shadow Sanctuary Press (more about that later), and give paid subscribers the PDF version of the book to read.

But! I do have a few hard copies as inventory in my Texas Hill Country studio. If you’d like to purchase a signed copy ($12 via Venmo includes postage ), contact me with your mailing address. I’d love to mail one to you. AND, there are a few residual copies online even though the book is officially “unpublished” on KDP.

Ready to read right now? Subscribe and download your PDF copy. Go for it!

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Or, if you need a little more to convince you to read, here’s the back cover text of the book with blurbs for you:

Making Room for George back coverDownload

If your ready, go ahead and subscribe now to start reading! It’s only $10 annually. What could go wrong?

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Or, read the first two chapters here with no obligation:

10 First 2500 words Chapter One ^0 TwoDownload

I know you’re ready now! Subscribe below (a mere $10 annually) to read (& download) the rest of Making Room for George and have access to other subscriber content, including a collection of my poetry, what she holds, and the Writer’s Idea Box with more to come. You’ll love it! I promise.

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Need Art? Here ya go!!

Turn a piece of my art into a print on demand canvas, tote bag, comforter….

Yep. Easy peasy. Check it out!

Watercolor: the process

Four videos: one painting. Enjoy!

(C) d. ellis phelps Available

Writer’s idea Box: bonus prompt!

Cibolo Nature Center (c) d. ellis phelps

If you have already subscribed to the Writer’s Idea Box, THANK YOU!

If you haven’t subscribed to the Writer’s Idea Box, now is the time! For a $10 annual subscription, you will receive a monthly workshop syllabus that includes a writing warm up, writing samples, and one or more writing exercises for your writing pleasure.

PLUS! You will then be eligible to submit what you’ve written to the fws: writer’s idea box pages. Chris Billings is the only poet whose work appears there so far and it’s very lonely…Go read his contribution now!

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GO!

Heh heh,

d

Writer’s Idea Box: the epistolary form

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gleaning the journals: an artist purges

collage #1 (c) d. ellis phelps 2013

I have a stack, several linear feet, of journals in which I have written, recorded life events, done dream-work, and processed emotional growth work for decades.

Finally, I am ready to release them.

And so, here is the first of what is to come from one last flip through hundreds of handwritten pages before they are sacrificed to the fire.

Salud to transformation!

Namaste,

d