R.J. Blain's Blog, page 72
February 19, 2015
A Play by Play Book Review: Fifty Shades of Grey, Chapter Four
On some mornings, like this one, the only thing my sleep-muddled brain can handle is reading. While Fifty Shades of Grey isn’t what I’d considered great reading material, it’ll do. I don’t have coffee this morning. I have tea, and since it isn’t the caffeine in coffee that makes coffee so much fun, I expect this is going to be amusing for all parties involved.
If things don’t make sense during this reading, you now know why. But you know what? Bleeeeeep. Let’s have some fun, shall we?
I would like to make a note that I don’t write erotica; I don’t often write anything sexy, either. Last night, I was writing a somewhat sexy scene in Blood Diamond. No sex, but sexy. At least, in some weird and demented Fenerec way.
Long story.
Maybe I just wanted to prove I could write a tasteful, sorta steamy scene that actually made the plot and characters move forward. (But hey, while I’m talking about my books, you should totally go buy one.)
Onward, friends!
I’d like to make a second note that I’m listening to Manners Maketh Man from the Kingsman soundtrack. This could prove interesting.
Warning: This chapter discusses a lot of potential triggers. If you can’t stomach the discussion of the difference between fantasies and reality, abuse, and subjects therein, please skip this review.
Chapter Four
At the end of chapter three, Ana had her hand holding virginity thoroughly eviscerated by Christian Grey. That dastardly man! Dastardly! How dareth he?
When I last left off, she decided that she was all sorts of ready to upgrade her love light from recent hand holding virgin to wanting our love interest, one Christian Grey, to put his mouth all over her.
Cue the last remnants of my sanity going poof. Richard looks a bit worried. He’s an Alpha Fenerec, after all, and I haven’t purchased a Nicole for him yet–so he’s stuck with me. I’m so sorry, Richard.
Here we go. I’m nervous. Hold me.
Kiss me damn it! I implore him, but I can’t move. I’m paralyzed with a strange, unfamiliar need, completely captivated by him.
Can I go home yet?
Hold your horses, Ana! You’re going to make all the uptight conservatives start squealing about how hand holding is the way to the devil at the rate you’re going. This is why we can’t have nice things.
“Anastasia, you should steer clear of me. I’m not the man for you,” he whispers. What? Where is this coming from? Surely I should be the judge of that. I frown up at him, and my head swims with rejection.
Aaaahahahahahaha… Aaahahaaa. Even Christian Grey knows he’s a bad boy and that Ana’s about two hundred years behind the rest of the world. Is rejection a shark?
I have this figured out! Ana and her rejection are left shark!
“That idiot was riding the wrong way. I’m glad I was here. I shudder to think what could have happened to you. Do you want to come and sit down in the hotel for a moment?”
Dear Christian Grey,
It is with a heavy heart I write to you today, but I fear that you have been led astray by the doe-eyed Anastasia. Please run the other way as quickly as possible. Please don’t shudder on her behalf, it will simply make what I intend on doing to her far more painful to you.
I have upgraded Ana from a flaming defenestration with a landing in front of a speeding truck to strapping to rocket boosters aimed for space to make certain that future generations are not contaminated by this terrible lack of reality.
Also, here is where descriptions help. Cyclists… typically… are bicycles. You know, common, often seen around Portland area? They have two wheels and are powered by a human. Using their feet, except in some rare circumstances.
Next time, Mr. Grey, just toss her out in front of it. Maybe she’ll learn next time.
Beware of bicycles! They’re kiss me dangerous!
Moving on.
Oh god, so, they’ve gone ways… and oh god, shes crying in the parking garage. She’s crying next to the Mercedes in the parking garage.
I’m the one who did it! In the garage with a lead pipe! In the parking garage with the lead pipe!
Richard…
Mourning something that never was – my dashed hopes, dashed dreams, and my soured expectations.
Ana, if you could read my mind, what a tale my thoughts would tell. Let me give you a clue: It involves fire.
Fluffy pink unicorns dancing on raaaainbows, fluffy pink unicorns dancing on raaaaiiinbows.
RJ SMASH.
I have never been on the receiving end of rejection. Okay… so I was always one of the last to be picked for basketball or volleyball – but I understood that – running and doing something else at the same time like bouncing or throwing a ball is not my thing. I am a serious liability in any sporting field.
Girl, there needs to be an insurance policy specifically catered to you because you are a threat to you and everyone around you. You also are insufferable. You know what? A rocket is too good for you. Die from a thousand paper cuts under you fingernails. I hate you.
Christian Grey, you need rescued. Please follow me if you want to not die.
“Then why have you been crying? You never cry,” she says, her voice softening.
Are you fucking serious? Are you seriously fucking serious? This Ana, this… utterly incompetent, never-hand-her-hand-held, annoying pain in my ass doesn’t cry? This… female who can’t even handle walking through a door without falling on her face doesn’t cry?
I. Cry. Bullshit.
Someone send me a copy of this novel in paperback so I can light it on fire. Is that too much to ask?
:Insert hair pulling and screaming here.:
“I was nearly knocked over by a cyclist.” It’s the best that I can do, but it distracts her momentarily from… him.
“Jeez Ana – are you okay? Were you hurt?” She holds me at arm’s length and does a quick visual check-up on me.
“No. Christian saved me,” I whisper. “But I was quite shaken.”
I’m crying. I’m sipping at my tea, crying. There are legitimate tears stinging in my eyes, all because of the above section of dialogue. If you wanted to know what the sound of someone’s soul breaking is, it’s a mix of a whimper, a whine, and a long exhale–too broken to even count as a sigh.
I was right. It was a bicyclist. All of this… oh my god.
I don’t think even you can help me anymore, Richard. I’m so, so sorry…
“What do you mean?”
“Oh Kate, it’s obvious.” I whirl round and face her as she stands in the kitchen doorway.
“Not to me,” she says.
Is it so much to ask for some consistency, Kate? Just a little? Oh, wait, a new chapter must mean a new lease on life.
You just told her in the previous chapter that Christian Grey was bad news, Kate. Have you forgotten? I hadn’t. I was even considering allowing you to live.
In my mind, you are now tied up, attached to a stick, and left dangling over the La Brea Tar Pit. May a chicken peck you to death, slowly.
This is not the worst book I have ever read, but it’s definitely the first book I have read in a long time that has made me consider a career in mad scientist villainy–or applying to become an evil minion.
Is it bad that I wish the erotica had started in chapter one or two? Simply to spare me from how incredibly useless Ana is?
I’m sorry, but no. I’m all for the fantasies of acquiring that super sexy rich badass hunk of a man, but holy crap I do not know a single woman so utterly useless as Anastasia. Not a one.
So, ladies, please fantasize about Christian Grey doing all of the things, including and not limited to holding your hand. But please, you’re so much better than this.
This book hurts me.
I might even get drunk! I’ve never been drunk before.
I thought Ana could not possibly be more sheltered, and then this happens.
For the record, there is nothing wrong with not drinking. I didn’t get drunk until I was 18, the legal drinking age for where I live. There’s also nothing wrong with being chaste or celibate.
But this level of ‘innocence’ without a damned good reason or background–including religion–is just so over the top as to be contrived for the sake of playing out an entirely unrealistic fantasy.
Remaining pure for a partner is one thing, but this is just beyond anything normal or realistic. If there is anything abusive about this story, it is the fact that Ana was created as this clean slate with no life to her whatsoever.
No wonder those who have come from abusive situations are so up in arms over this. Ana is written to be entirely helpless, defensive, and incapable of any form of self defense. She isn’t a person, she’s a vessel for fantasies, and nothing else.
Sigh.
I need Tums.
At this point, Christian Grey has just sent Ana three first edition novels that I’d considering setting cars on fire for–and I don’t even like that branch of literature. Dear sir, they’re wasted on Ana. Send those to me.
Please?
Oh, look. Kate and Ana are moving together to a condo in Seattle. Where Christian Grey lives. How entirely unsurprising. Of course, considering I doubt Ana has any capability of living on her own–let alone surviving for ten minutes without a caretaker–I guess I should be relieved? Ana doesn’t need a degree, she has Kate! Her own personal rich lady version of Christian Grey.
Sigh.
Why isn’t Ana dead? Why has she not died yet?
Drunk Ana calling Christian Grey is fucking hilarious. Seriously, I’m dying. Poor Christian. That poor guy, seriously–poor guy. Sir, you could have just about any woman ever. Why pick Ana?
But I guess that’s maybe wherein the fantasy lies?
Even the should-have-died-at-her-job Ana can land the hunk.
That said, it’s time for serious talk.
“You know I like you Ana, please.” He has one hand at the small of my back holding me against him, the other at my chin tipping back my head. Holy fuck… he’s going to kiss me.
“No José, stop – no.” I push him, but he’s a wall of hard muscle, and I cannot shift him. His hand has slipped into my hair, and he’s holding my head in place.
“Please, Ana, cariña,” he whispers against my lips. His breath is soft and smells too sweet – of margarita and beer. He gently trails kisses along my jaw up to the side of my mouth. I feel panicky, drunk, and out of control. The feeling is suffocating.
“José, no,” I plead. I don’t want this. You are my friend, and I think I’m going to throw up.
“I think the lady said no.” A voice in the dark says quietly. Holy shit! Christian Grey, he’s here. How? José releases me.
Thank you, Christian Grey. Thank you.
This, ladies and gentleman, is probably one of the most accurate descriptions of the risks of going to a bar as a college student ever. This is also too damned common, and too damned pervasive in society.
Poorly written, but EL James just got a few points for using a very real and frightening problem in our society.
Good for you, Christian Grey, for reacting as he did–because he knows just what can happen in the big bad world. If this were the real life, I’d probably forgive him for using his rich stalkerly powers to track her cell phone and find her, saving her from the very real risk of rape.
Is his ability to get to her dangerous? Stalkerish? We knew he was in town. We knew he was in town for her, but this is a fantasy, not the real life.
The short answer is yes, it’s dangerous and stalkerish–if this were the real life. It’s not. It’s a play by play of a woman’s sexual fantasy. In this common fantasy, women want saved, rescued, desired–treated like a Princess by the man they lust for–even if that man isn’t necessarily the world’s best Knight in Shining Armor.
Then they want dominated. Because well, it can be really, really hot. There’s a reason people want to be the submissive in a bondage relationship.
Christian Grey fits the role well, I’ll give him that.
This isn’t abuse and it’s not condoning abuse. It’s fantasy, definitely. A bit creepy of a fantasy, in my opinion, but fantasy all the same. In short, Ana was created to be the ultimate Mary Sue–a character so bland many people can imagine fitting in her shoes. She’s a paper doll, someone who can be exchanged for the reader–because let’s face it, most readers are more three dimensional than Ana.
For the record, Nice Guy Jose just got dick punched to death in my head. And he’s no longer Nice Guy. He’s been renamed Scum Sucker. Fuck off and die, Scum Sucker.
I’m going to confess this right now: Of all of the characters in this book, Christian Grey is the only one I have any form of liking for.
If there’s anything abusive about this book so far, it’s Kate and the rest of the people Ana knows, for not being true friends and giving her half a clue on how to survive in the real world. That’s what friends are for, and these folks aren’t it.
Oh, of course he did. How is that possible? Is it legal? Stalker, my subconscious whispers at me through the cloud of tequila that’s still floating in my brain, but somehow, because it’s him, I don’t mind.
And because I can’t leave well enough alone, it’s time for my stalker rant! One of the common things I’ve seen ranting about Fifty Shades of Grey is that it’s all about stalking and manipulation, and that the book is a crime against women.
Ana is a crime against women, but I digress.
This is an erotic fantasy fiction. Get over it. Yes, those who have come from abusive situations are going to trigger like fuck all over this.
Abuse is real. Abuse is terrible. It’s demeaning, it’s wretched, and abusers of either gender need to be dealt with.
But there’s nothing wrong about a woman or man wanting to fantasize about being stalked. There’s nothing even wrong about a man or a woman fantasizing about being dominated or taken control of in a fantasy erotic scenario.
It’s only a problem if someone acts on it. Don’t take away another man or woman’s fantasies because you can’t handle what turns him or her on.
It doesn’t mean s/he wants raped or abused. He or she should never be abused.
But there’s nothing wrong with him or her enjoying the fantasy.
Will this chapter ever end? I’m afraid to keep reading. I might suffer an ulcer or an aneurysm at the rate I’m going.
“Drink,” he shouts his order at me.
The moving lights are twisting and turning in time to the music casting strange colored light and shadows all over the bar and the clientele. He’s alternately green, blue, white, and a demonic red. He’s watching me intently. I take a tentative sip.
“All of it,” he shouts.
This is one of those situations where some are like, he’s so bossy and so and so. Have you ever been this drunk before? He’s doing the exact right thing, in case you’re as sheltered as Ana. If you’re that drunk, water can make a huge, huge difference.
A life-saving difference, actually.
And yes, I have seen articles referencing this as abuse and manipulation. Overreactions. Geeze.
And of course Ana faints at the end of the chapter, where she’s portrayed as being the best drunk dancer ever as she can somehow manage to keep up with Christian Grey.
Wait. I reached the end of the chapter?
Richard, we made it, Richard! We made it!
And there’s no erotica yet.
Sigh.
After all of this, there better be at least some decent erotica in this book somewhere.
February 18, 2015
A Play by Play Book Review: Fifty Shades of Grey, Chapter Three
I know I read chapter two earlier today, but I’m taking a most-of-a-day off, so I’m doing things that amuse me–including reading Fifty Shades of Grey.
Despite the painful quality of the writing, I’m actually having fun writing this play by play review. I write exactly what I’m thinking about. I’m not worried about making it pretty, artistic, or useful for readers. It’s not my standard review.
While I was challenged to do it, I’m having fun.
So, for those of you new to this review series, this is meant to be fun and funny–I’ll talk about real issues too, though, as they crop up. I’ll probably pun and make bad jokes, too.
I’ll also make comments on whether or not I feel the story is abusive. Your opinion will not be my opinion.
Chapter Three
The start of chapter three seriously confused me. At the end of chapter two, she mentions needing to phone Kate. The chapter opens up with the phone call, and there are absolutely zero cues on how she’s doing this phone call. It isn’t until later I learn Ana actually has a cell.
Damn it, would it have been so terribly difficult to set up the scene? Gimme a break. I want to know what’s going on, not try to figure out how she’s getting in touch with her roommate.
Things like this annoy me–I like knowing where I’m at in a scene, how characters got there, and so on. This stuff throws me right out of a book. She could’ve been on a pay phone for all I knew, or standing right next to her boss.
Oh, well. Anyway, that is something that always bothers me when I read–when an author skips these little details. I like them, okay?
At this point in the story, there are three contenders for Ana. I guess this is a common enough fantasy, wanting to be the center of a bunch of romantic attention, wanted or otherwise. So far we have Boss Guy, Nice Guy, and Christian Grey. Boss Guy doesn’t seem too bad, pushy, but eh. Whatever. Describes most of the men I’ve known who have flirted with me that I didn’t marry. That is, all of them.
I obviously attract the wrong sort. Good thing I double-dog dared my husband to propose to me. Challenge accepted, right?
Next up is Nice Guy. He was friend zoned not ten words after he showed up in the book, so what can I say? I might attract the wrong sort, but she doesn’t know what the right sort is.
Christian Grey is the stereotypical good catch, except a bit bad boyish and sleazy, which some girls do consider a good catch.
I can’t say I’d want any one of these men, except as potential eye candy.
So, off this crew goes for a photo shoot. I’m just shaking my head. Christian Grey has a press media kit, complete with photos, because mega money. So many plot holes, so little time.
Maybe I should give up trying to make sense of this. Let’s just forget how the real world works! Squee! Bye, real world, bye!
José, Travis, and I are traveling in my Beetle, and Kate is in her CLK, since we can’t all fit in my car.
You’re an ass, Kate. I’ve been in a car just like yours, and you can fit five or six damned comfortably, plus fit a pony in the trunk. Why the hell didn’t everyone go in the Mercedes? You know, to impress the must-be-impressed Christian Grey?
“I’m fine, thank you, Mr. Grey.” She shakes his hand firmly without batting an eyelid. I remind myself that Kate has been to the best private schools in Washington. Her family has money, and she’s grown up confident and sure of her place in the world. She doesn’t take any crap. I am in awe of her.
Duuuuuuhhhh. If she owns an executive’s Mercedes, a $500,000… she came from money. She’s a bossy, rather unlikable so-and-so, who throws the incompetent under a bus. How much more telling must I put up with? Sigh.
RJ, accept it. Accept it, accept it. This is not going to magically change. Pretend you’re not going to be talked down to the entire novel.
Kate, I don’t suppose you can go and maybe get hit by a car on the next page, could you? You could have driven the group to the hotel in your Mercedes instead of making everyone else ride in the Beetle.
I guess not, eh? Damn, just my luck.
“Ana, there’s something about him.” Her tone is full of warning. “He’s gorgeous, I agree, but I think he’s dangerous. Especially to someone like you.”
“What do you mean, someone like me?” I demand, affronted.
“An innocent like you, Ana. You know what I mean,” she says a little irritated. I flush.
Okay, Kate. I’m giving you a get out of death free card. You have half a brain. That said… you’ve been stalking this guy for how long to get the funding and interview? And you’re just figuring this out?
Maybe I won’t give you that get out of death free card. You should know better–you should have known better in chapter two.
Come oooooon, is it too much to ask for a consistent character?
You, dear cast, all have more holes than my mesh pot strainer. I think Christian Grey is the only character who is consistent at this point, and he’s arguably the bad guy!
Come here, Richard. Mommy needs you again. Yeah, you’re such a good little Alpha Fenerec. Yes, yes, you are…
Ahem. Excuse me.
I think I have upgraded Kate from being tossed under a bus to hoping for a good defenestration. I will amuse myself by fantasizing how to end their lives in the pages, directly related to how much they annoy me. The more elaborate the plan to kill them, the more annoyed I am with their existence.
Entry level is being tossed under a bus. Defenestration is level two.
A girl’s gotta have fun somehow.
Here is a play by play of my reactions to this text:
He’s still holding my hand. I’m in the street, and Christian Grey is holding my hand. No one has ever held my hand. I feel giddy, and I tingle all over.
Quick inhale.
A quiet, pained groan.
Keyboard is shoved back.
Forehead is smacked into the desk once, twice…
Several long-suffering sighs.
Note to self: Smacking one’s forehead into an Ikea desk with two inch thick wood surface is painful.
Okay. Sigh. She’s how old again and she has never had her hand held? She’s supposed to be in university. This would work if Ana was fourteen. I hate unrealistic things like this. Is she some hardcore religious fanatic? Why has this character never held hands with someone?
Jose and Paul have been hunting her. Men will sometimes take hold of a girl’s hand even when she’s not…
Just like this.
Also, if you’re in the street, maybe you should crawl out of the pavement and get on the street instead. Gaaaah.
This hurt me on some deep level.
Richard, Mommy needs you again…
I have to get away from him. I walk forward, and I trip, stumbling headlong onto the road.
“Shit, Ana!” Grey cries. He tugs the hand that he’s holding so hard that I fall back against him just as a cyclist whips past, narrowly missing me, heading the wrong way up this one-way street.
All I can think is ‘Why aren’t you dead, Ana?’
Defenestration while on fire, to land in front of a speeding bus.
Christian Grey gets points for saving the idiot Ana from herself. Maybe I should start tracking the number of times she should have died from her clumsy ways. Sigh, sigh, sigh.
Being fair, I love when I’m reading a cheesy romance and one of the pairing rescues the other. I really don’t care if the boy rescues the girl or the girl rescues the boy. I eat that stuff right up. I love it. I love the whole cheesy rescuing of damsels and manlings. I love it, precious. I also love when characters rescue themselves.
But this? This stuff just hurts me. At least give me a scenario where ‘I am so incompetent I can’t walk’ isn’t the reason for a rescue being needed.
Why don’t we just put her down on her knees clinging to his leg in the classic romance cover. At least then there’d be some general satisfaction. I love this sort of stuff in a cheesy romance, but this is just a sad, sad example of it. It’s so sad my cheesy-romance-o-meter isn’t even budging from empty. I have a ‘high-pitched squeal’ marker on the cheesy-romance-o-meter. This sort of thing usually triggers it.
Sigh.
Give me a break, book. Just one break. Come on. At least make her need rescued because a drunk driver is weaving all over the road–or someone is so sky high from pot that he can’t control his car. Not because she can’t handle walking.
:Insert heartbroken wailing here.:
And for the first time in twenty-one years, I want to be kissed. I want to feel his mouth on me.
Don’t hurt yourself, little girl. You barely graduated from hand holding. Heaven forbid you upgrade from hand holding to kissing in the same chapter.
Ana, please. Come on.
I understand the lure of wanting to be involved with someone–to be rescued when rescue is needed, to have nice, strong, sheltering arms. Nice, muscular, toned arms… mhmm. Oh husband person! Your wife lady requires your sexy arms~!
Ahem.
But being serious–yeah. This is a common fantasy. Damsel in distress being rescued by someone who wants her? Yeah. I’m in on that. Shamelessly so. I’m especially into when the men need rescued. Because hooooooooooot.
But that’s what this book is about–that’s the appeal. It’s touching bases with very common fantasies. There is nothing wrong with that.
Here’s my Verdict on Chapter Three
No abuse. No stalking. Possessiveness? Sure, it’s there in high amounts. But frankly, he’s your stereotypical bad boy–a bad boy with a taste for bondage.
He’s a fantasy–and he’s a very common one, especially among women who have not come from an abusive relationship. Let’s face facts here. It’s very common for women, especially sheltered ones–or ones who are treated well by their partners–to think about things like this. To be wanted to the point of possessiveness. It can be a turn on, it can be kinky.
In the real world? Not healthy.
But there’s absolutely nothing wrong with a BDSM scenario like this. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with a guy or a girl to like reading this material. Will it trigger people who have been in abusive situations?
Definitely.
But does that mean there can’t be an audience who enjoys this sort of thing? Absolutely not.
:Shrug.: Read on, ladies. Christian Grey is a fantasy–and so long as he stays a fantasy and BDSM scenario, carry on. Carry on.
If this were the real life, this would be potentially very, very dangerous. But it’s not.
It’s a fantasy.
A Play by Play Book Review: Fifty Shades of Grey, Chapter Two
For the sake of disclosure, I am reading and writing this part of the review without any more than a sip or two of coffee. At least I’ve caught up on sleep.
Going into chapter two of Fifty Shades of Grey, I’m not really all that hopeful, truth be told. I don’t think I’ve gotten so numbed to the telling and bad writing to be able to approach this without flinching a bit.
I’m going to try, because I want to find out for myself if this book is nearly as abusive as a lot of people are saying–and if it’s really that bad.
So far, though, no signs of actual abuse, and I have read worse books… there’s a lot of time for this novel to take the worst book I’ve ever read trophy, but it hasn’t earned it quite yet.
Disclaimer: These are my reactions to the book as I’m reading. I’m weird, so some of my reactions may not be normal. If I am acting normal, please tell me so I can give myself a slap on the wrist.
Chapter Two (I need more coffee for this.)
I have one thing in common with Ana, at the start of Chapter Two. Her flight or fight reaction is very similar to how I react when I see an action flick. She’s making a prey response, which I find interesting.
At least she recognizes her reaction is completely irrational.
What I don’t like is that she’s irritated at Kate again. Yeah, girl. If you had half a brain rattling in that skull of yours, you would have known to ask at least some questions. And Kate, if you had half a brain rattling around in that skull of yours, you wouldn’t have left such an important interview to an incompetent.
They’ve both made stupid decisions for this, and they should both know better, seeing they’ve made it to their senior year of university.
Also, I know someone who owned a Mercedes very similar to the one described in chapter one.
It cost him $500,000.
I’ll just leave that there as a baseline for why I think Kate/Ana’s room sharing and this entire situation is ridiculous–and leaving me questioning why Kate would trust Ana with such a valuable vehicle.
And why Kate, who views this interview as soooo important, did not leave this with someone of equal competence… like a college professor. Because seriously, this interview involves a major university donor.
The higher ups would not be pleased leaving it to a flake like Ana.
Whhhhhyyyyyyyy….
I need more coffee.
He doesn’t suffer fools gladly, but why should he? Again, I’m irritated that Kate didn’t give me a brief biography.
That means you, Ana.
While cruising along the I-5, my mind continues to wander.
The above section is to draw your attention to the sort of consistency and quality issues riddled throughout this novel.
I check the speedometer. I’m driving more cautiously than I would on any other occasion. And I know it’s the memory of two penetrating gray eyes gazing at me, and a stern voice telling me to drive carefully. Shaking my head, I realize that Grey’s more like a man double his age.
Okay, the above section just baffles me. I mean, really? It goes against every possible human reaction. People who are pissed off usually drive faster, and Ana is kinda pissed off. I mean, the telling is one thing… but she’s in a freaking Mercedes luxury executive’s sedan. Have you ever been in one of these things? I have.
You could do 100 mph and feel like your’e doing 30. They have glorious engines, they have such a smooth ride… and they’re sleek. Oh are they ever sleek. They’re gorgeous vehicles. No, I do not buy into this, book. Argh.
Contrived bits of telling and submissive foreshadowing which doesn’t even work very well. Argh.
Argh, Argh, Argh.
:Drinks some coffee:
As I hit the I-5, I realize I can drive as fast as I want.
:Proceeds to spit coffee. Cleans up mess.:
:Slaps forehead: I can’t literally even right now.
Also, you were already on the I-5. You never left it. Did you just pull over, get out of your fancy Mercedes, and smack the pavement? I bet it learned a lesson there, Ana. Good job.
Dear Friends,
You challenged me into reading this as punishment for quitting my editorial job, didn’t you?
I hate you until you buy me coffee.
~ RJ
As a side note: The references to Vancouver seriously confused me for a bit since I live in Canada. No biggie, but I keep having to think United States instead of Canada. Heh.
So, at this point, Ana has made it back to Washington state and Kate is feeling bouncy better.
Why am I not surprised? I’m actually disappointed. If Kate was still feeling mostly under the weather, I might have been at least a bit more sympathetic. Miraculous recovery, however, annoys me. Oh well.
The characters at least try to cover up why the interview was so damned sloppy. Of course, I don’t buy into it, but to be fair, I was lost on the entire interview arc about the time I put any thought into it whatsoever.
If Ana had gone along to keep Kate company, and Kate had taken sick at the place, I could have seen this working brilliantly. But no, it didn’t work like that. I wish it had, because on a long car ride like that, company is nice–and Kate vomiting all over the place of interview leaves a damned good reason for the second person in the car to be the one doing the interview.
This is the editor in me complaining, by the way. This is the sort of alteration I would have suggested to make this scene really work (for me, at least.) And as a bonus, it would get rid of the damned hair thing at the beginning, which STILL drives me nuts because it’s written in a way where Kate always does Ana’s hair instead of a one off–at least, that’s the impression I got while reading.
I’ve worked at Clayton’s since I started at WSU. It’s the largest independent hardware store in the Portland area, and over the four years I’ve worked here, I’ve come to know a little bit about most everything we sell – although ironically, I’m crap at any DIY.
Wait. What? This woman works at a hardware store and has for four years? She works at a hardware store, and she’s so unbalanced and clumsy…
Oh my god, how can she work at a hardware store? She’d… she’d get herself killed. She’d die. She’d freaking die. She would die because she’d stumble into a rack of saw blades, and she’s so unlucky, the caps would come off. They’d cut her to bits. She’d bang into the lumber, and the whole thing would come down and squish her.
She can’t walk through a door without tripping.
Coffee, coffee, Mommy needs you, coffee.
Richard, you too. Mommy needs you. Come to Mommy, Richard.
P.S.: Meet Richard. Yes, I named him after the character in Winter Wolf. Here’s him next to my favorite coffee mug.
When I can no longer handle the circumstances of something I’m doing, I rely on cute little stuffed animals to see me through. I’m allowed. You want to know why? Because I’m an adult, that’s why!
After a quick cuddle with Richard and some coffee, I think I’m ready to try this again.
“I doubt that, Ana. Come on – he practically offered you a job. Given that I foisted this on you at the last minute, you did very well.” She glances up at me speculatively. I make a hasty retreat into the kitchen.
She did? What universe is Kate from? Never mind. Forget I asked.
RJ, stop expecting sense from this book. Stop expecting anything from this book. You might enjoy it if you stop expecting things, like sense, from this book. Treat it like a cheesy porn flick, one that forgot it was a porn for the first thirty minutes.
Maybe I should turn this into a drinking game. Wait, better not. I’m a light weight. Instead, I will read the text, out loud, as described. It goes something like this:
“You, fascinated by a man? That’s a first,” she snorts.
:Snorfle: You :snerksnort: fas–:snort:–inated by a ::snort:: man? That’s :snort: a first, :snort:
I tried snorting the entire line of dialogue. It just doesn’t work. Really funny, though.
It would have worked if it was written, “That’s a first.” She snorts.
Having fun with dialogue tags, take one.
I think the coffee is kicking in. Hi, coffee.
“Oh, Ana, it can’t have been that bad. I think he sounds quite taken with you.”
Taken with me? Now Kate’s being ridiculous.
This entire book is ridiculous. At least she spelled ridiculous right. That word is ridiculous, and I rely on spell checker to fix it for me. That word has my number.
It’s ridiculous.
This scene ended with Ana–I think–asking Kate if she wanted a sandwich? What? What? What? Where did this sandwich come from?
If you’re in the kitchen anyway, and randomly making sandwiches for people, I’ll take one. Please.
Once we’ve eaten, I’m able to sit at the dining table with Kate and, while she works on her article, I work on my essay on Tess of the D’Urbervilles. Damn, but that woman was in the wrong place at the wrong time in the wrong century.
I thought, for a second, that you were talking about yourself, Ana. You almost made me snort coffee up my nose.
I am sparing you the commentary of a section where time goes by and nothing happens. Well, except Ana’s mom happens. She has the classic read-minds Mom-o-Meter thing going on. That said, why would anyone, Ana’s mom included, think Ana got herself a man when everyone in this book–ever–has made it very, very clear Ana has the dating capacity of a rock? At least, that’s what I feel from the internal monologues and from Kate.
Ana’s mom, either stop smoking or start sharing. I need whatever you’re on.
Enter Jose. Sorry for the lack of accent on the e; too much work. This is the point of the book where I have lost all hope for Ana.
Jose seems like a pretty nice guy, and not I would be stupid enough to friend zone. Good men are hard to find, Ana. Haven’t you learned this yet? You’re in university. This should be been learned by now, considering the high number of stupid college boys out there.
Oh boy. Hi, Christian Grey. We meet again. I’ll give you credit, Mr. Grey… if Ana’s narrative is to be believed, you’re delicious enough to eat in your casual clothes.
Point to EL James; Ana’s still a toaster strudel, but she managed to get a semi-sexy description without wasting words. The guy is hot.
Now, I’m going to talk about the one key thing a lot of people have been ranting about–stalking. I’m going to be bluntly honest with this one: Yeah, stalking is so not good. But, when someone crushes on someone else, it is very common behavior. Almost every girl I have ever known ever–myself included–has participated in some form of stalking or another when scoping out a delicious piece of male to hunt.
It’s a part of current society. Doesn’t make it right, but it happens all of the time for both genders. Stalking can, yes, be even as little as scoping out where someone works to get a glimpse of them.
Go ahead and deny it all you want, but both genders do it. The degree Christian Grey is doing it? Yeah, slightly over the top, but… he’s ultra rich. He can take the day off work to make the drive to check out the lady he’s interested in.
Visiting the workplace of someone you’re interested–who has a job that allows it, such as a hardware store or McDonalds–is pretty common fare.
This instance and this instance alone I do not have a problem with. It’s practically a part of the dating game. I’m pretty sure it’s in the Lady’s Guide to Selecting a Male. I have a copy somewhere. But seriously, I don’t know of anyone who hasn’t done this sort of scoping out of an interesting person of the opposite sex. In modern times, most folks do their game planning, which often involves a mild form of stalking, via facebook. (Get with the real world, Ana. Do you really not use the internet??!)
Glorious day! The end of chapter two has arrived!
Christian Grey is about as subtle as a train on fire hurtling down the tracks. Ana is about as oblivious as a rock–or a burnt toaster strudel.
So far, Christian Grey has a possessive attitude, and I can’t deny the fact that women–myself included–want to feel wanted. It’s very appealing to feel wanted. That sort of thing is, I think, hardwired into human beings–the need and desire to be a part of a group or couple.
Christian Grey fits that bill very well. Ana is also the sort who has no self-esteem, and it doesn’t surprise me that she’s taken aback by this guy. He oozes that primitive male possessiveness.
At the risk of pissing off all of those who hate Fifty Shades of Grey and everything it stands for, at this point–not abuse. Sure, he’s a bad boy, sure he doesn’t like other men around someone he’s crushing on at the moment, but frankly… welcome to the dating scene.
Go to any bar and you’ll see this exact sort of behavior. It’s predominant in too many single men on the hunt for a woman.
Not necessarily right, but frankly, it’s true to life. It’s true to a lot of experiences, and I see absolutely nothing wrong with a woman playing out the fantasy of being truly desired or wanted in a submissive sense.
Up to chapter two, while I think the writing is completely abyssal–far worse than the huge, scary, creepy eyes of my Beanie Boo trio–I can’t say there’s anything in here that trips my trigger yet.
And I was looking for it. But I’m being fair to the book. Sure, it’s crappily written, but it plays out a very common fantasy among women: being wanted and desired by a hot, wealthy, and powerful man who is fully capable of taking care of her.
I can understand how people would be hooked on this book at this point. Am I hooked? No, not really. Not at all, but I’ve read good bondage erotica–with proper story set up.
This book isn’t good bondage erotica… but it plays very well to a very, very common fantasy.
It’s fanfiction bad, but I came in expecting the writing to be terrible. I’m (mostly) trying to forget about how poorly written the book is. It’s not working, as evidenced by the need for coffee and lots of love from Richard, but there you have it.
Too bad that it’d be stalkerish and rude to send the author a book on proper bondage… I have a really good one on my book shelf; it’s designed for beginners seeking to understand the relationships between doms and subs, and I have a feeling it would have done her a lot of good to have read it before writing this novel…
And yeah, I have books like that. I used to work in the adult industry in a marketing department. I know a lot of people who are into the culture. Of course I’d have books like this.
I don’t like judging people or their lifestyles, not without a damned good reason–and I figured if I had so many friends involved in the BDSM community, I’d pick up a few books to understand what it was all about.
There’s a lot involved in the BDSM scene, but I’ll just bring up one point for now. Scenarios are laid out in advance to make certain it keeps to pleasure without becoming trauma. BDSM should never traumatize either the dom or the sub.
The culture is as varied as the people participating in it–just like readers, really.
February 17, 2015
Understanding Self-Publishing: a Beginner’s Guide to Retailers, Vanity Presses, and Surviving as a Self Pubber
Surviving as a professional or as a hobbyist in the publishing industry is hard. It breaks far more people than it makes. There are a lot of things new authors need to know to avoid being scammed. There are a lot of things new authors need to know to have a chance to get lucky.
I’m writing this to help beginners understand some of the critical parts of self-publishing: the actual publication process. Retailers are the lifeblood of a self-publisher. Retailers are places like Amazon, Barnes & Nobles, and similar stores. They are how your book reaches your audience.
Starting out as a self-publisher can be pretty tricky–and murky. People are intimidated by dealing with retailers, so they turn to publishers. This is the foundation of traditional publication; authors work with the traditional publishers, signing their rights to the publisher in exchange for their work being edited, cover art being made, marketing being done, and books being placed predominantly with retailers.
Self-publishers have to do this all on their own. There’s no one to help pick a cover artist, an editor, or watch out for scams. There’s no one to help determine which retailers are good choices.
This is where the vanity press comes into play. Vanity presses are presses who are out to take advantage of those who want to be published. In short, they charge a fee to get a book created for sale. Depending on the vanity press, they may or may not actually distribute the book. They might use a website where users can order copies of a book on demand.
Lulu is a great example of a vanity press. It, unlike many of its peers, actually has a good reputation. You’re charged by copy for the book–when you buy, and only when you buy. This is how it should be. Createspace is another example of a legitimate vanity press. However, Createspace links into Amazon’s system, which makes it a self-publishing retailer in addition to being a vanity press. You never pay up front for the right to have a copy of your book printed. You pay when you have the book printed. It’s covered in the total sale price of your title.
This is known as print on demand publishing, and it is a self-publisher’s best friend. Createspace’s integration with its Amazon storefront makes it an exceptional one for self-publishers. There are other print on demand services available for self-publishers that also tie into major retailers.
The waters are pretty murky when it comes to vanity presses versus retailers. In some cases, they’re the exact same thing. In other cases, the vanity press is a great way for you to spend money on a package without your book actually making it to a retailer. Vanity presses can be a hive of scum and villainy, and unless you take steps to educate yourself, you’ll get burned–badly.
Let me help you educate yourself. Preditors and Editors is a great site for identifying publishing houses; the good, the bad, and the ugly. It’s good for learning about traditional literary agencies as well.
Here is an example of an entry from Preditors and Editors:
Accurance: Not recommended. Concerns received from authors and expressed, for example, in this thread. A fee-charging publisher.
This highlights a major problem in the publishing industry: fee-charging publishers. In the standard author-publisher relationship, the publisher picks up the risk of signing the author. The author never pays a cent for the work done to make their book publishable. Fee-charging publishers are no better than vanity presses–they’re equal on the scam meter, frankly.
Yes, I understand the lure of wanting to be published. But, if you’re going the self-publishing route, you do not pay a vanity press for the honor of publishing your work. That’s a scam.
If you’re going the traditional route, you do not pay a traditional publisher for the honor of publishing your work. That’s a scam.
There’s a huge difference between hiring for a service and paying to publish.
This is where it gets murky, quick.
So, in order to demonstrate the differences between a service and a scam, I’m going to have to go into all of the nitty gritty details on what is needed to publish a novel. This may not be a complete list–I am creating this list based on what I do when I publish a novel. Your mileage will vary. You’ll have to decide for yourself what is right for you.
Cover Art
Cover art is a necessary part of a book; it is what you use to lure readers into checking out the description, ultimately getting them to read the sample and (hopefully) buy your book. There have been many debates on whether authors should make their own covers or hire professional designers.
Either way, cover art is necessary. There is nothing wrong with hiring a cover artist. In fact, I recommend it. I find a good cover will pay for itself, given time. Here’s a post on how I work with my cover artist, and here’s a post on how I work with my typography designer. Here’s another post covering my very first experience with Chris Howard.
Paying for cover art isn’t a scam–just make sure you know exactly what rights you get when you buy the cover. Some artists and designers will only allow you to use the art for your book, not for any supplementary usages, including advertisements and banners.
Editorial
There are many types of editorial, including developmental, line/copy, and proofing editorial. The point of editorial is to make your story as strong as possible. While there are some folks really good at self-editing, I’m not one of them. I hire two to three different editors for each novel I do. My developmental and copy editor is the same person. Once she chews through my story, it goes to one or more proofing editors.
It’s better to fix the mistakes before release than to have to do so after release.
Editorial is a legitimate business expense. I typically earmark at least $700 for editorial for each novel project.
Traditional publishers do not charge editorial. Some retailers, like Amazon, offer some editorial services.
For a self-publisher, editorial is paid out of pocket long before the book ever reaches the compiled, formatted version.
Vanity presses often try to lure unexpected authors in by offering editorial services and then surprising their victim with high charges and expenses prior to publication.
Retailers do not charge for the right to publish your novel. They take a cut out of your royalties. They never charge for the right to sell your book except out of your royalties.
Sites that charge to place your book predominantly in front of customers are either scams or promotional venues. More on this later.
Copyright
This is something you can handle for yourself as a self-publisher. It’s something like $60 to register your copyright. Don’t sell your copyright to anyone if you’re a self-publisher. YOU give the rights to copy to retailers–and you should control the rights of your story, which means you have the ability to revoke the copyright whenever you want.
Beware of the fine print. Smashwords, for example, has a two week period of time to exercise your demand to remove your story from their affiliated retailers. They do not necessarily guarantee to obey your copyright demand. See this post for more information on what happened to me when I had to fight to get them to remove one of my novels from distribution.
Formatting
Formatting is pretty important. It’s the interior design and layout of your novel. I use scrivener’s compile function, modified to my needs, to build my basic files for submission to the various retailers.
This is a legitimate service. Formatting can be free, if you choose to do it yourself. It’s a little persnickety, but it really isn’t terrible. I’ve gotten my method down to requiring five whole minutes from start to finish for formatting. Yes, it can be that easy.
Formatting can cost anywhere between $10 (for a template you fill in yourself) to $1,400. $1,400 was the fee I was quoted for the creation and execution of a template from a book design company.
In my opinion, you should never pay more than a few hundred dollars for a custom template and interior design of your book. A professional worth their salt can easily do this work in a day. That said, it can take longer if you’re writing non-fiction or if you have a lot of unnecessary mark-up in your novel.
This is a legitimate service, but know what you’re paying for. Many companies will charge a lot of money for something you could probably do given four hours and some patience. Think about that really carefully.
There are loads of resources online to help authors get their novels formatted.
Createspace is an excellent source for how to format for print, too. Print formatting is much harder than ebook formatting. This is important to know, as print formatting is what usually costs a lot more.
Paying Upfront for Publication
There is nothing legitimate about paying to have your novel submitted to retailers. Nothing. Zip, zilch. Retailers get a royalty cut for listing a book. For example, Amazon charges 30%. The author (or publisher) receives 70%.
Now what is legitimate is the taking of a cut from a distributor. A good example of a legitimate distributor is Draft2Digital. Draft2Digital sends your files to their retailers. When you sell a copy of your book, Draft2Digital receives the appropriate royalty amount. Let’s make an assumption that the royalty for the sale is 70%, as it is with Amazon.
Let me make this clear: A distributor is a person or group who distributes your works to retailers. They’re a middleman. They’re paid middlemen, too. Good ones, such as Draft2Digital, only get paid when you’re paid.
Distributors sometimes charge fees to distribute to retailers. This is very murky at best for a self-publisher. Considering the number of free distributors out there, don’t take unnecessary risks, in my opinion.
As payment for handling the distribution of your title, Draft2Digital will take a cut. For the sake of this example, I’m going to use 5%. So, Draft2Digital would take home 5% of the royalty earned while you take home the remaining 65% of the 70% royalty earned by you and Draft2Digital. (These are made up numbers. The numbers depend on the retailer and the royalty they pay out.)
This is how working with retailers and distributors should work.
However, there’s an exception to this: the bulk orders of printed books. They follow different rules. If they’re distributing to major retailers, and books are returned or marked as destroyed, you’re still paying for the service. I won’t delve into the details–I don’t use these types of services, but there are many legitimate big-name printers who do this. It can be legitimate, but you want to make certain you’re working with a reputable company in the major retailer distribution systems.
This is complex. I looked into it once, and I gave up after I got a severe headache.
Identifying Retailers vs Scammers
Now that I’ve gone over some of the nitty gritty, I’m going to discuss the issue of vanity press scammers and legitimate retailers.
Amazon is a legitimate retailer. Barnes & Nobles is a legitimate retailer.
Publish America is a well-known scammer vanity press. Here is the start of Preditors and Editors entry:
American Star Books / PublishAmerica (aka PA, aka AmErica House): Conflict of interest. Also runs literary agency. A vanity press with a poor contract. Numerous writer complaints. Author mill and plagiarist. Strongly not recommended. Rated F by the BBB. “A royalty publisher capable of offering publishing contracts to all varieties of authors. Royalties paid, no fees ever charged, no agents required.” Claimed in an Associated Press article that it pays an advance up to $1,000.
Publish America, to my knowledge, really doesn’t charge fees in advance, but… it’s bad news. This is just one example of the dangers of vanity presses.
You can lose your copyright. Yes, you can sell away your copyright, and you might be in a serious legal battle to get it back.
Beware of vanity presses. Many will have clauses in their contracts requiring you to sell your copyright away–and once you do that, it takes a lot to get it back.
Don’t get caught in a trap. Check every available resource you can for the reputation and standings of a press or retailer before you publish. Contracts are binding. That’s why traditionally published authors work so hard to get an agent.
When you self-publish, you are your own agent, and it would be wise that you never, ever forget that fact. The only person who can protect you from the big bad wolves of the world is you.
That’s why I only work with retailers directly or with Draft2Digital. Draft2Digital delivers as promise, charges no fee, and takes a cut from my royalties earned. It is in their better interest to do well by me, as my loss of revenue is their loss of revenue.
When you pay a fee to be published, they’ve already made their revenue. They take no risks. Never forget this.
What if I want a full-serviced vanity press?
I’m going to use Createspace for an example of how a vanity press can get you started with self-publishing, taking a lot of the load off your shoulders. While I wouldn’t use this service–I cherry picked my staff–it’s possible to pay a fee for services while preparing to publish.
Note: You’re paying for services, not the right to publish and distribute to retailers.
Here’s what Createspace offers:
These are legitimate services. They may not be as high of a quality as I like, but they’re legitimate services. I’ve heard decent/acceptable things from the work done by Amazon on these packages.
They’re reasonably priced. You won’t be saving a lot of money, but you won’t be ripped off either.
But seriously, if you have questions about what a full service stop for vanity publication, ask Createspace to call you. Their reps are super nice and will take the time to answer your questions. I’ve put them to the test a while back–maybe that’s changed since I made my call to ask some questions, but my experience was good.
What Createspace doesn’t do is charge for the rights to publish. They simply charge for the services rendered to get your book up to standards for publication.
Ultimately, the quality of your novel is your responsibility.
A Quick Recap
The things To Do when self-publishing:
Pay for Services or do it yourself (Editorial, Cover Art)
Research your Retailers/Distributors/Vanity Press (Pred-Ed)
Know your Contract (Don’t give away your copyright.)
Understand your Rights (Copyright, royalty payments, etc.)
Read. Learn. Understand. Educate yourself about publishing.
The things To Not Do when self-publishing:
Pay for Distribution
Pay for Retailing (There are no shelving fees on Amazon. They’re paid in royalties.)
Sell/Giveaway your Copyright
Pay a Fee for the Privilege of Publication
A Play by Play Book Review: Fifty Shades of Grey, Chapter One
For those of you who know me more than a passing acquaintance are likely familiar with my inability to turn down a challenge when pride is on the line. There was this one time my husband ordered fish curry soup at an Irish pub, and it was so bad that he couldn’t finish it.
He loves seafood.
So my loving friends waved a few bills in my face and dared me to chug the broth. One of them, knowing me, made a comment about whether or not I could handle such a small bowl of soup.
The gauntlet had been thrown down, and I rose to the challenge.
If you want to see me look ill in the real life, just say curry and fish together in the same sentence. Next time, I’ll make sure to get a better bribe for doing it. (I have some dignity. Not much, but some.)
So, what does that little story have to do with Fifty Shades of Grey? Well, I was challenged. Dared. There were no bribery involved beyond a copy of the book being loaned to me for the purpose of my reading and reviewing.
I have a few motivations for reading this book, however. First, I want to see for myself if it’s as abuse and rapish as everyone says. I have pretty thick skin, and I have some familiarity with the bondage community. I’m not into it, but I know a lot of folks who are, and I’ve been friends with quite a few Dom/Sub couples.
I’m going in aware of the culture, aware of what constitutes as rape in one of these couplings (or scenarios, as specific instances are commonly referred to), and aware of the scene on a lighter level.
I’m also going into this wondering what the heck is so appealing about this story.
So, here goes. I will be quoting scenes from the book in small quantities as part of my play by play. If you’re uncomfortable talking about sex, rape, relationships, or anything of that nature, you’ve been warned. It’ll be here, and I have no interest in softening my opinion to make it easier to swallow.
I use affiliate links in this post. For reasons, involving earning money if someone clicks and buys the book. Greed, yo. I has it. Loads of it.
It begins. Yes, there will be spoilers ahead! ALL OF THE SPOILERS.
To be honest, I’m totally apprehensive about this book. I’ve heard terrible things about it–particularly about how poorly written it is. Poorly written books make me sick to my stomach, and I mean that in a quite literal sense. If this book is half as bad as I’ve heard, I’m going to need antacids before this is finished.
I scowl with frustration at myself in the mirror. Damn my hair – it just won’t behave, and damn Katherine Kavanagh for being ill and subjecting me to this ordeal.
The opening paragraph has brought me to a complete halt. This might be a new record. I’m the type of girl who is as likely as not to wrap my hair in a bun without untangling my long, frizzy locks. My perm died out months ago, and my hair is so brittle I’m amazed I’m not bald.
Within two sentences, I’ve learned I have absolutely nothing in common with this woman.
Seriously, who has someone to do their hair every day?! What is wrong with this woman?
She’s either really rich or really spoiled.
Oh, and it starts with a stare-in-the-mirror cliche. Sigh.
This is going to be a long post, and an even longer read. Well shit.
P.S.: I sleep with my hair wet almost every night, thank you very much. I like it. Go ahead and judge me and my messy locks.
Also, when I’m only two paragraphs into a book and have already found a plot hole/continuity error, it’s pretty sad. There is not enough coffee in my house for this.
I have reached the end of the first scene. Ana seems to fit the ‘everyone walks on her’ trope type so far. I don’t have a connection with her at this point. She looks like she might be a nice person, and if this Kate chick is trusting her to go to this oh-so-important interview, she might be somewhat competent, though her internal monologue is about as flaky as a toaster strudel.
The roads are clear as I set off from Vancouver, WA toward Portland and the I-5. It’s early, and I don’t have to be in Seattle until two this afternoon. Fortunately, Kate’s lent me her sporty Mercedes CLK. I’m not sure Wanda, my old VW Beetle, would make the journey in time. Oh, the Merc is a fun drive, and the miles slip away as I floor the pedal to the metal.
I think I understand why people have been saying the writing is bad. Most people would either say “I floored the pedal” or “I put the pedal to the metal” rather than both in the same line, since it’s saying the same thing.
Yeah, at this point, I’m sighing and making an effort to ignore the writing in this story. And the fact that a college student who is studying to be a journalist owns a Mercedes CLK, which is essentially an executive’s vehicle for those who can’t drive manuals but still want a luxury sedan.
If Kate can afford that car, why is she rooming with Ana?
I think I better stop trying to think too hard about this, before I hurt myself.
She hands me a security pass that has VISITOR very firmly stamped on the front. I can’t help my smirk. Surely it’s obvious that I’m just visiting. I don’t fit in here at all. Nothing changes, I inwardly sigh. Thanking her, I walk over to the bank of elevators past
the two security men who are both far more smartly dressed than I am in their well-cut black suits.
With the excerpt above, being totally honest, I could like Ana. She’s self-effacing, yes, but there’s a flash of humor here I actually like. There’s a little spark of something here.
This is sort of how I end up showing up at fancy places–way too under dressed. Maybe if it weren’t for the spoiled-girl introduction, I might find her likable.
I’ll say this much: EL James’s descriptive skills need a visit to boot camp. The telling here is so rampant, and her descriptions so poor, that I think I need a seeing-eye dog and a cane, since I’m definitely not getting any imagery in this book. That’s a a shame.
Confession Number One:
I have a soft spot for men who catch ladies when they trip over their own feet. I’m a tripper. I can trip over a stray hair shed by my cats. My husband has become a master at the one armed ‘save the wife’ grab. Except that time I spun around a door to pounce hug him and brained myself on the wall.
Not even he can save me from my stupidity.
Point to you, EL James. Point to you.
At this point in the novel, Ana is meeting Grey for the first time. Ana is a ditzy clutz, who makes me look coordinated.
“You sound like a control freak.” The words are out of my mouth before I can stop them.
The foreshadowing begins, I see.
At this point, I’ve come to the conclusion that Christian Grey is one of those unobtainable men; looks perfect, expects perfect, and wants imperfect so he can make it perfect–for him.
Personally, at the time Ana says the above gem of dialogue, I would have been planning my escape routes from the building, determined not to get involved with this guy any longer than necessary.
Ana is even flakier than the toaster strudel I mentioned above. Since he has dark copper hair, I’m going to go with rust.It’s plenty flaky.
It’s like watching an imminent train wreck; I see the trouble coming, and I’m bracing for impact.
I’m reading this interview, Ana is a bumbling so-and-so at it; can’t blame her there, I suck at those things as well. They’re scary, and she has every right to be nervous. That makes her pretty real in that regard. Grey is toying with her like a mouse.
Ana, however, is being painted as a very shallow person, with a very animistic need for Christian Grey.
I don’t like it.
That said, while he’s a jerk, and while he’s very obviously toying with her and her emotions, there’s nothing here yet that’s crossed the line for me.
Ana’s snarky, and in some ways, she really earns the verbal sparring from Mr. Grey at this point in time. I can’t say I wouldn’t do the same. I tend to get snarky during interviews, too. It’s a defense mechanism.
“Until we meet again, Miss Steele.” And it sounds like a challenge, or a threat, I’m not sure which. I frown. When will we ever meet again? I shake his hand once more, astounded that that odd current between us is still there. It must be my nerves.
My reaction to this startled me a bit. I was actually alarmed. I sat straighter, did the whole eyes narrowing thing, and tensed up.
After his behavior, his aggression, and toying with her like she’s prey, challenge or threat used in this way set off most red flags I have.
But, I think I get why people are interested in this. I know a lot of women (and no small number of men) who want to find that ‘love at first sight’ thing–and we’re being told, repeatedly, that Ana has instant chemistry with Mr. Christian Grey.
I will not speak about the writing quality, I will not speak about the writing quality, I will not speak about the writing quality…
I made it to the end of Chapter One! I survived!
At this point, I’m frighteningly curious to see just how Christian worms his way into Ana’s life–and why the hell she is challenging the Alpha predator when she’s obviously below him in rank.
She’s weird. Actually, she’s just flaky, and I’m not really sure Ana has a solid characterization yet. On one hand, I think she’s a smartass, on the other, I think she’s so sheltered that she wouldn’t know how to tie her own shoe strings–or brush her hair–without help.
How the hell does a piss poor college student get to be so sheltered? It’s the antithesis of being poor. Poor folks learn to rely on themselves, because they have no choice. This Ana is behaving like the rich girl… probably the rich girl many of us wish we could be.
I get that. A lot of us read to escape our own lives, and it’s pretty damned easy to slip into Ana, in the sense of idealistic desires. This is actually a pretty good psychological exercise in understanding people.
Women and men often desire what they can’t have, and Ana is in a position to live out those fantasies–however twisted they might be. Or unhealthy.
I dislike Kate. She threw Ana to the wolves. There’s absolutely no reason Ana should have been picked for this job. She could have wrangled someone competent for it, easily.
My general thoughts and opinions:
Chapter One, not the worst thing I’ve read, but by no means anywhere near the top of my list of good books. It’s tolerable. I haven’t thrown up in my mouth yet. The only character with any sort of actual consistency is the one secretary and Christian Grey, however, which worries me quite a bit.
February 16, 2015
Author Services: KDP Select
In a previous blog post, I discussed my financials. I had several people approach me and ask about January, the first month where all four of my titles were involved in the KDP Select system.
KDP Select is Amazon’s exclusive system. In exchange for exclusivity on Amazon, I get access to free book promotions (five days of ‘selling’ my book for free) or I get access to the Countdown Deals offering, which allows me to discount my books with a timer attached to them.
It also gets me into the Kindle Unlimited system and the Kindle Online Lending Library system, a way readers can borrow my books without directly paying for them. (They pay Amazon for access to the system, I get a cut of the big pot each month.)
I’ve spoken about this before, but I’ve had less than good luck with epub retailers. In the year or so I was with major retailers–actually, closer to two, considering Smashwords’s refusal to remove the Eye of God from their distribution for four months–I made less than $50 worth in royalties.
To put this into clear contrast, I made over three times that amount in January alone from KDP Select benefits. So, in the interest of disclosure, epub was a failure for me in many ways, which is why my interest in KDP Select as a viable platform for me as an author. Maybe if I become more popular, epub retailers will become more lucrative for me, but my focus is currently on amazon and acquiring a following there.
Before I dig into January 2015’s KDP Select numbers, I want to talk about the KDP Select system in general–this is a service review, of sorts, for the system as a whole.
A long time ago, Select only offered free promotions. Their lending system wasn’t a thing back then. There wasn’t really a whole lot of good reasons to become exclusive with Amazon. However, the free day promotions were nice. When Countdown Deals was launched, I took advantage of it, and I got decent results for Storm Without End.
The two combined did make KDP Select look pretty nice–but not nice enough. For a while, I went back to non-exclusive.
When Winter Wolf released, I pumped over a thousand dollars into promotions in my effort to break into the epub market at the same time I was promoting the novel on Amazon.
I earned a big bad $16.00 from epub vendors. Amazon was much, much better, earning out $1,300 between Inquisitor (book 1) and Winter Wolf (book 2). Technically, I lost money on my promotion specifically for Winter Wolf. If I hadn’t been pushing so hard for epub (which was a miserable failure) I wouldn’t have invested nearly as much–but I wanted visibility, and I wanted to try to break into the epub market.
All in all, it was an epic failure. I know a lot of people want epub versions, but if people aren’t buying the books, saying epub versions are desired doesn’t do any good for the author–except waste a lot of effort, time, and money, as it did in my case.
To put this into perspective, I’ve had probably 50 comments from readers wanting epub versions. I’ve had less than a quarter of that number in actual sales.
(That said, if you want an epub version, please buy a copy on Amazon and convert it to your flavor of choice. My titles are all DRM free.)
So, unless something changes for me in the epub front, or Amazon’s KDP Select system starts falling flat on its face, I’ll probably stick with Amazon. I resumed full KDP Select exclusivity in January 2015–to be exact, I enabled it on the 31st of December to keep things properly segregated.
I understand people wanting copies of titles in their format of choice, but supply and demand rules apply. I can’t hold myself hostage to an audience that doesn’t support me as an author–or has actual interest in my books. (I totally support taking legitimately purchased copies of ebooks and converting them to the reading format of the owner’s choice.)
My opinion is harsh, but I can’t spread myself so thin–not for $50 over a couple of years. Maybe if a few zeroes were added in there, or if my audience actually read using epubs, it’d be a different story. (I can count on two hands the number of times people have actually requested epubs and cared enough about the books to acquire them on Amazon and asked me for ARC epub copies.)
This is not to disparage the readers–I know people have their cool fancy epub readers, some of which are waterproof and can go into bathtubs!! At the same time, however, I need to make a livable career for myself.
So, KDP Select has come through for me, where epub sales have not. And that’s the name of the game for each and every author trying to make a living wage–go where the audience goes.
Sometimes, I make stupid, stubborn, and personal choices on the books I write. I talked about that in the post regarding my decision to become a full-time author. Requiem for the Rift King and The Fall of Erelith are both series losing me money–but I’ll write them to completion, for myself, and for my readers and fans.
So, I’m going to dive into some numbers here to help illuminate my experiences with KDP Select.
First up, January 2015’s numbers: (Title, Unit Type, $Royalties, # of Copies)
January
$467.90
229
Inquisitor
$206.75
112
KU/KOLL Units
$97.73
71
Standard
$109.02
41
Storm Without End
$16.35
9
KU/KOLL Units
$8.26
6
Standard
$8.09
3
The Eye of God
$9.15
6
KU/KOLL Units
$6.41
5
Standard
$2.74
1
Winter Wolf
$235.65
102
KU/KOLL Units
$70.94
52
Standard
$164.71
50
It’s worth taking a close look at these figures. One month’s sales is not a trend setter. Historically, February is always a lower month, while January still has purchasing power due to Christmas and people cashing in on gift certificates. February tends to be a lower month for me all around.
KU/KOLL units pay less in royalties, but the numbers of units sold is often equal (or higher) than my standard sales–especially in the case of my urban fantasy series, which include my most popular books.
In short, my income was a bit over $170.00 higher in January than it would have been otherwise. As a general rule, these tend to be extra sales. I did not see a notable increase or decrease in standard sales when I’ve switched on and off from KDP Select in the past.
Now, not all authors will share that experience. Some are experiencing major losses of revenue due to the new Kindle Unlimited library. I’m not one of these people. My income has increased.
Let me use December of 2014 as an example of why I feel this way. This includes all data from December, but I’ll color the things to look at in blue.
December
$1,335.33
919
Inquisitor
$605.91
717
Free – Promotion
$0.00
408
KU/KOLL Units
$237.09
168
Standard
$368.82
141
Storm Without End
$27.02
12
KU/KOLL Units
$5.24
4
Standard
$21.78
8
The Eye of God
$12.24
6
KU/KOLL Units
$2.86
2
Standard
$9.38
4
Winter Wolf
$690.16
184
Standard
$690.16
184
If you look at the Standard Units for both Inquisitor and Winter Wolf, they’re pretty close. Winter Wolf is 40 higher than Inquisitor, which can be easily attributed to the fact it released in November.
Now, take a look at Inquisitor’s sales. Inquisitor has been around a lot longer, was cheaper to purchase in December, and had an equal amount of KU/KOLL Units–a trend that repeats in January of 2015.
Since the release of the KU/KOLL line, sale figures in general have been lower–except when I’ve been enrolled in the library, where my sales increased. These users are taking advantage of the Kindle Unlimited library. Will this trend continue? I really don’t know. I will say this much: preorders for Storm Surge are low, and I know a lot of my readers and fans are taking advantage of the unlimited library. You can’t preorder books through the unlimited library. While Storm Surge is not in a popular series, I know of a good number of people either intending to buy the book or check it out in the library when it releases.
Release month will tell the tale for certain, but my general feeling is that as an author, I’ll be impacted in general sales even if I wasn’t enrolled in KDP Select.
I’m battling against a constant supply of ‘free’ books. That’s a hard deal to surpass, and I can’t blame readers and fans for taking advantage of the kindle unlimited library. There are a lot of really talented authors who are exclusive to Amazon.
So, sure, December is a pretty good indicator that there are a lot of users who are using the new library system over buying titles directly. I suspect that there are also users who stray from the library to get titles from favored authors.
But for someone who is starting out–I don’t have that fan base. I’m not really all that popular yet. I hope to be, but I’m not. I’m a realist like that.
I made $577 using KDP Select’s new Kindle Unlimited library. Considering most of the year I wasn’t enrolled in KDP Select to take advantage of it, or the books it does well in weren’t released, that’s not bad.
I will be watching it over the months. If the trend continues, and I keep making money in the Select system, I’ll stay.
Right now, I just don’t have a viable reason to leave it yet. Despite my efforts, epub markets were panning out. Most of my audience, at current, is on Amazon.
Your mileage will vary.
February 15, 2015
Permanent Price Reduction on Three Novels
In preparation for the crazy year of book publishing ahead of me, I am reducing the price of three of my novels–The Eye of God, Storm Without End, and Inquisitor–permanently to $2.99.
Please consider buying a copy for yourself or a friend!
So you have a one-stop shop to see what the books are about, and why I’m reducing their prices, I’m going to include information on all of the titles–and my favorite passage from each book. Come along for a wild ride through my publications!
I’ll begin at the beginning. The Eye of God is my debut book. I have a lot of work I need to do on this book–even now. I want to go back and update the styling to be more in line with what I’m writing now. I’m pretty sure there are errors in the book, too.
There’s been one criticism I’ve seen in reviews that I fully intend on addressing as well–character insights in certain scenes. I want to bring both Blaise and Terin alive a bit more on the page.
Here’s what the book is about:
Blaise tries to act like a good human, but someone always manages to ruin things for him. When the Emperor’s most powerful weapon is stolen and its human vessel is kidnapped from the Arena, Blaise must choose between meddling in the affairs of mortals or remaining true to his duty.
To make matters worse, the Archbishop has betrayed the church and God by giving the Emperor the second piece of the Triad, the Heart of God. Should Blaise stand idle and leave the mortals to their own devices, the people of Erelith won’t just lose their lives: Their souls will be destroyed by a power that was never meant to fall into mortal hands.
If Blaise can find the Eye of God, he might be able to save the humans from themselves. Unfortunately, his only hope for success lies in the hands of a slave who wants nothing more than to die. If Blaise can’t save Terin and enlist his help, the Erelith Empire will fall.
The Eye of God is now available on Amazon for $2.99.
Favorite Passage: (Author’s note: This is one of the creepiest descriptions I’ve written, thus its presence on my favorite passages list.)
Twisted bodies covered the ground, barely visible through the pale fog rising from the black water surrounding them. As though trying to reclaim the lives they had long-since lost, rotting bits of flesh clung to their pale bones.
The second book I’m reducing the price on is Storm Without End. This is the second novel I released. It’s also one of my favorites. I’ve always wanted to seriously pursue an epic fantasy, and this is my take on the genre. The story focuses on two characters, Kalen and Breton. These two men have been among my favorites to write. Every time I take a journey into their world, it never fails to remind me how much I really love writing–even when I’m groaning about deadlines.
There’s often more in-your-face magic in The Eye of God, but for me… this is the story where the real magic began.
About the Book:
Kalen’s throne is his saddle, his crown is the dirt on his brow, and his right to rule is sealed in the blood that stains his hand. Few know the truth about the one-armed Rift King, and he prefers it that way. When people get too close to him, they either betray him or die. The Rift he rules cares nothing for the weak. More often than not, even the strong fail to survive.
When he’s abducted, his disappearance threatens to destroy his home, his people, and start a hopeless and bloody war. There are many who desire his death, and few who hope for his survival. With peace in the Six Kingdoms quickly crumbling, it falls on him to try to stop the conflict swiftly taking the entire continent by storm.
But something even more terrifying than the machinations of men has returned to the lands: The skreed. They haven’t been seen for a thousand years, and even the true power of the Rift King might not be enough to save his people — and the world — from destruction.
Storm Without End is now available at Amazon for $2.99.
Favorite Passage:
The words were torn from his thoughts and spit from his lips. “Because you will be their King, and you will Ride with them. You will wage war against your own people, and their blood will drip from your stained banner. You will crush them beneath the hooves of your black horse. Then, like Arik before me, like me before you, you will be put to the sword and another will take your place. Your existence within the song of the ancestors will be a blight they will strive to erase.”
The pressure eased against his throat. “And if you live?”
Kalen didn’t have an answer to that. The Guardians always managed to find him, no matter how far he’d ridden in the past. One would appear on his trail and stay a respectable distance behind him, a shadow who watched, listened, and never intervened.
Finally, I’m reducing the price of Inquisitor, the first Witch & Wolf novel. In a way, Inquisitor represents my first foray into writing marketable fiction. The Fall of Erelith (The Eye of God) and Requiem for the Rift King (Storm Without End) are series I enjoy writing… but they aren’t money makers. There’s a lot more reader interest in my UF than my traditional and epic fantasy. That’s okay. I do enjoy working on the Witch & Wolf series. I’ve already begun work on Book 3, Blood Diamond, for those who are interested. It’s possible it might be ready by the end of the year.
I have labors of love I want to finish first. That said, if enough people support Blood Diamond, I’ll try to have it ready for a Christmas release. You can also support the release of new books by buying older ones–I rely on those royalties to pay for all of my various production costs.
Inquisitor started its life as my attempt at writing a murder mystery thriller. I started plotting the murders… and I got bored.
So I made the murderer someone interesting–someone with a real bone to grind. And then I decided that the real victim of the murders wasn’t those left dead, but someone else–the main character.
It evolved from there. I love a mystery where nothing is as it seems. I like having to tell stories where the truth is tangled in with the rest. That’s what I wrote. It’s not an easy read–I don’t pull punches, I don’t dumb anything down. I wanted to write something challenging for the readers–but leave enough clues scattered through the pages where the tangles could be undone.
I still don’t know if I succeeded or not… but I really had fun with this story.
About the Book:
When Allison is asked to play Cinderella-turned-Fianceé at a Halloween ball, the last thing she expected was to be accused of murder on the same night. She has to find the killer or she’ll be put to death for the crimes she didn’t commit. To make matters worse, the victims are all werewolves.
On the short list of potential victims, Allison has to act fast, or the killer will have one more body to add to his little black book of corpses.
There’s only one problem: One of the deaths has struck too close to home, and Allison’s desire for self-preservation may transform into a quest for vengeance…
Inquisitor is now available at Amazon for $2.99.
Favorite Passage: (There are a lot of passages I really like from this book, but this one just resonates.)
Mark interrupted his mother with a jerk of his hand. Then he turned back to, taking hold of my left hand. “Allison Malinda Ferdinan, please marry me.”
I don’t know where he had pulled the ring out from, but he held it up to me with a trembling hand. A single diamond caught the candlelight.
It twinkled.
My eyes burned, but I didn’t cry. One day, he’d stare at the true love of his life with wet eyes, and the girl in front of him wouldn’t be me. But, I had promised to play his game. There was nothing but the truth in his gaze.
Had he been serious about proposing all along? It’d be like him, creating an illusion so the truth of his sincerity could become something truly powerful.
Any other girl would’ve been flattered. Too bad I wasn’t her.
I wondered how much it would hurt him when, as had happened tens of times before, I vanished to become someone new, someone he’d never see again. Would it hurt him as much as it would me?
Time wasn’t kind to werewolves. It didn’t let us forget.
Not trusting my voice, I sat perfectly still. The dip of my chin was as close to a nod as he’d get, although it wasn’t the yes he hoped for. Mark smiled as he slipped the band over my gloved finger.
The cold, tiring touch of silver seeped through the thin material. I stared at the ring and shivered. It wasn’t just a piece of jewelry, but it was old. Old silver, forged and reforged again, carrying with it an age almost as great as mine.
It hurt, but the white material didn’t blacken. It was pain I embraced, because I deserved it for the betrayal I would soon commit.
A clock counted the midnight hour.
I really was Cinderella, but I didn’t have glass slippers, and there’d be no happy ending for us.
February 14, 2015
Teaser: Blood Diamond, Witch & Wolf Book 3
Dante Anderson should have been the Shadow Pope of the Inquisition, but at age five, he’d developed a rare form of Earth sight, a power unique to witches. As the first in his bloodline to be cursed as a witch, he was disowned. Embracing the name of Emmett Jackson, he was more than happy to make his escape, leaving his twin brother to carry the unfortunate mantle of Pope.
Unfortunately, the Inquisition doesn’t let anyone go easily, and Jackson isn’t an exception…
Blood Diamond is the third book of the Witch & Wolf series, following in the wake of Inquisitor and Winter Wolf.
Please enjoy this sneak peek of the story.
Chapter One
The world was full of corpses, and I, Emmett Jackson, knew them by name. Unfortunately for me, my brother knew I knew.
That’d teach me to tell my twin any of my secrets.
When he had asked for my help, waiting on my doorstep when I had gotten home from work, I hadn’t expected him to call me in to be the getaway driver of an Inquisition field operation—let alone one dangerous enough to warrant my brother’s armored truck. He’d been spinning the keys around his finger with a smug smile, knowing he had me dead to rights when he told me I’d be driving. I doubted the red-painted, tempting seductress of a monstrosity could be eliminated by anything short of a missile or a tank. Even if someone wanted to blast their way in, they’d need a ladder to reach the door. I wasn’t small, not at six foot nine, and I had needed the step rail and the roll bar to climb in. The rest of the team had needed me to give them a hand.
Maybe my brother hadn’t wanted me to play getaway driver, but as a way to make certain the Inquisitors could get into the Red Beast without needing a ladder.
I drew a deep breath and let it out in a sigh. I should have refused him and the lure of driving his absurd, stupid truck. I should have told him I’d do a stint in the Inquisition headquarters shuffling papers and naming dead people instead of pretending I was trained for field operations.
Drumming my hands against the leather wheel—probably the only normal thing in the truck—I waited. The manila envelope on the dashboard mocked me, reflecting in the windshield as I watched the darkening forest for any signs of the team’s return. Once I opened it, I’d know more about the operation and its Inquisitors than I wanted. I’d know the names and faces of the dead, and if my bad luck held, I’d get a glimpse of their last moments.
The remnants of spirits were vindictive like that.
I leaned forward, resting my forehead against the top of the wheel. My brother had been in enough of a hurry to get me into his truck and onto the road that I hadn’t had time to change out of my suit. Combat boots, fatigues, and Kevlar protected them. I wore a silk dress shirt and an equally thin jacket that a bullet would ignore before tearing a hole through me.
Clenching my teeth, I bumped my brow against the wheel a few times as I muttered curses at my idiocy.
A smart man would’ve put the idling engine into gear and left. If I did that, I’d be the target of my very own Inquisition field operation, and I doubted even the Red Beast could withstand a pack of angry Fenerec armed with more firepower than the military. They had missiles—I had supplied all six of them to them. If they launched one at the truck, they’d smash the vehicle into teeny tiny bits.
I turned my head to check the clock. In ten minutes, it’d be time to rip open the envelope and find out how the operation was going. If things went well, the photographs would tell a story where the Inquisition’s victims would be dead and my team would still be nameless faces. My brother had been adamant about the next part of my directions: if half of my team was dead by sunset, I was to take the Red Beast and get out of the area as fast as the big diesel engine could go.
I’d clocked it at a hair over one hundred miles per hour over the rabbit trail of a road leading into the forest, much to the dismay of the nine passengers crammed into the cab.
In a way, I felt sorry for my brother. He thought he knew me. He thought he could guess what I’d do, like he was so good at doing as the Inquisition’s youngest Shadow Pope. Unfortunately for him, while I had nodded my acknowledgment of his orders, I had no intention of abandoning the Inquisitions—and the team knew it. They’d stared at me like I’d grown a second head for daring to disobey orders within five minutes of receiving them, but I wasn’t about to have a pack of Fenerec haunting me for getting them killed unnecessarily.
If everything went well, I’d do as my brother wished, staying in the Red Beast, clearing away a year of obligation to the Inquisition as reward for my efforts.
If things didn’t go well, I wasn’t the only one armed. The world was full of corpses, but if any of the Inquisitors numbered among the dead, it wouldn’t be because I had abandoned them. If I were to add to the numbers, it’d be because I’d tapped a bullet between someone’s eyes.
I checked the time again.
Five minutes was long enough to double check my gun, a vanilla Beretta M9 I had snatched on my way out the door, right along with my brother’s keys. I preferred something heavier—at least an M16 could slow a Fenerec down without silver shot—but the M9 would suffice. It was loaded with silver, and that’d stop a Fenerec for a bit—or kill it, if my aim was good enough.
If I needed the Beretta, it was because the team was in trouble, and I had left the Red Beast in favor of stupid heroics without the benefit of body armor and heavy munitions.
If I didn’t get myself killed, my brother was going to finish me off when I made it home.
I took my time checking the magazine before chambering a round, turning the safety on before holstering the weapon. Drawing a deep breath, I held it to the count of thirty before letting out it. The manila envelope didn’t weigh much; photographs and a few sheets of paper didn’t. Dumping the contents onto the Red Beast’s dash, I flicked on the overhead light and used the reflections in the windshield to flip the twenty-three photographs and the stapled papers face down.
So long as I didn’t directly look at the faces of the men and women the Inquisition meant to kill, my magic wouldn’t trigger. The photographs belonged to the wild Fenerec pack living too close to civilization. The papers belonged to the eight men and one woman on my team. If they died, I’d learn their True names instead of the code names they favored during a field operation.
I sighed, watching as the vestiges of the sunset faded from the sky. In the dark of night, I would begin my own hunt—one my brother wouldn’t approve of.
If he had wanted obedience, he wouldn’t have turned to me. He should’ve known better than to think I would turn my back on those entrusted to my care.
I lifted my chin and began my grim tasks of flipping over photographs so I might learn the names of the dead. Of the twenty-three, one still lived, and all I could see in her solemn expression and her jade eyes was accusation.
A Reader’s Guide to Supporting Authors
Readers make or break an author’s career. While many authors will claim they write for themselves, my truth is far more complicated than that. I write for myself, and I write for you, my readers. I am also a reader.
It’s confession time, I suppose. Writing ‘my readers’ took a lot of courage on my part. I’m not the only author who addresses readers as ‘the readers’ or ‘the fans’–it’s hard writing my readers or my fans. It feels like I’ve grown some sort of ego, but the simple truth is this: without my readers or my fans, I don’t have a career.
So, to those of you who have supported me by buying my books, thank you. Every day you prove time and time again that you’re the reason I write, and that you’re the reason I haven’t quit writing in favor of going back to a standard office job.
Without you, I don’t think I would have had the courage or motivation to keep struggling with a very, very difficult career choice. Each time one of you approaches me and tells me that you loved my stories, you remind me why I write.
Thank you, my fans and readers. I’ll never be able to fully express how important you are to me.
You, my readers, my fans, and general lover of books, are the real power behind the publishing industry. It doesn’t matter if your favorite authors are backed by a big publishing house or if they’re self-published. How your books get into your hands isn’t the important thing here. What is important is knowing how you can help authors thrive–authors just like me.
This guide will go into the many ways readers and book lovers can support their favorite authors. Yes, even if you aren’t my fan or reader–this applies to all authors, in my opinion. I might have written something like this in the past, but it’s worth revisiting.
I’ll begin with the obvious one.
Buy Books
It’s very difficult for an author to survive, especially when they write full time. The writing career (At least mine) is not friendly. Most readers aren’t interested in an author’s financial stability. You want to read a good book. I get that. So do I. That’s why I started writing in the first place–I want to read and write good books.
But financials are a very important part of an author’s life. Every book you buy helps them achieve, well, their basic livelihood.
Sure, we write for you, readers, but writing isn’t free. If you’re interested in reading more about my financial situation, to give you an idea what’s involved in producing a novel, you can read this article regarding my income and plans to become a full-time author.
So what can you do if you can’t afford another book? ‘Buying’ a book when it is free helps the author get a little bit more visibility. It does count! Sure, the author doesn’t get paid for those free sales, but you can leave a review, which I’ll talk about a bit later.
If you own Amazon Prime, you can also check out books on a kindle through their Kindle Unlimited Lending Library doodad. Authors get credit if you read 10% or more of a novel. The credits aren’t as high as if you buy the book, but if you already have prime, it’s a great way to help your favorite authors who happen to be in the KDP Select system. (All of my titles, at time of writing, are in the KDP Select system, so you can check them out on your kindle if you’re a prime member! Amazon Prime also includes a lot of nice things, including better shipping and access to tv shows and movies.)
If you already own a copy of the author’s books, buy a gift for a reading friend. Just make sure they accept it, if you’re using Amazon’s digital system, as the author isn’t paid until the gift is accepted, even if you’ve already paid for it. (That part of things sucks.)
Review Books
A lot of people think that reviewing a novel is scary. It doesn’t have to be. If you really love a book, or want to support the author, go to amazon, find the book, and leave a review. It only needs to be a few sentences long. Pick something you truly love about the book and talk about it. Choosing a star rating is daunting, but authors really appreciate it–I really appreciate it.
From my perspective, four and five star reviews are the best, but little beats a really well thought out three star review. This is the type of book that lists what you really liked about the book and what just didn’t work out for you. Three star reviews, when written to help readers and the author, are extremely helpful.
But, keep this in mind: most readers don’t care about the author’s feelings when they read reviews. They want to know how other readers thought about the title.
I know leaving something other than a five star review is also daunting, but it’s okay. While I love five star reviews, I expect a reader to have really adored my book to leave a five star review.
So, as a plea on behalf of all of us authors–go forth and leave a shining review, precious reader!
You make us, and you break us.
P.S.: Some of you noticed I specified Amazon as a place to leave reviews. The major retailers are often where people check out and buy books. Goodreads can be nice, but it isn’t the true powerhouse. Amazon, Barnes & Nobles, and the other major retailers are.
Tell Your Friends
Word of mouth is the best form of advertising for an author. If you truly love an author, take the one on one approach. Talk to your friends about the books you love. Encourage them to buy. If they can’t afford it, but seem interested, and you can–buy them a copy of the book.
Spread your love of an author’s books to others. This is one of the best things you could ever do for your favorite author.
Talk to the Author
Most authors are shy. It took me a long time for me to be able to put myself out in front of people… and doing so is still quite scary. But, I truly do love talking with people about reading and writing. I don’t like to respond directly to reviews unless there is a pressing need to, but if you want to talk books, I love talking about books. I’m also happy to talk about my books, especially if it isn’t directly connected to a review. (The irony here is staggering. I know, reviews are my lifeblood, but I still can’t get comfortable talking directly about specific reviews.)
If you approach me, I’ll say thank you–but I’ll often try to avoid discussing specific points.
But, readers, authors are people too! Talk to them about anything. If you’re polite and courteous, who knows what might happen? You might make a new friend.
Advertise Your Authors
I’ve been asked, in private, if there were ways that they could support my books directly. Yes, it sounds just like you think it sounds–they wanted to offer financial support for my books.
Advertising and promotion is extremely difficult for authors. It’s expensive or it’s time consuming. So, here’s a bullet point list of some sneaky ways you can help an author promote their books–without them knowing you’ve done it. I’ve also included some more visible ways you can help, too.
You can promote and advertise an author’s books like a NINJA. I’ve had this happen to me, and it’s been one of the greatest things to happen to me as an author. I’ll note that this is usually something self-published authors need far more than traditionally published ones. But still–you can use some of these tricks for traditionally published authors as well–especially the resharing, retweeting, blogging, and general word-of-mouth options. The good traditional publishers are already using the paid venues to support their authors, so they need more word-of-mouth help than financial assistance.
If you know of an upcoming free day promotion, register the book with lists and websites promoting free days. (You can do this mid promotion, too, if you know how long it’ll be free for.) (This is huge! Someone did this for Inquisitor, unbeknownst to me, and the results were amazing.)
Purchase an ad spot on a website. There are many sites that use amazon’s affiliate system to share books. Pick one, give them the link to the book, and buy a spot. (There are sites that will do this for as low as $5 or $10.)
Post a review or promotional post on your blog or website.
Invite the author to do an interview or guest post on your website.
Reshare, Retweet, Reblog, Like. All of these things help.
Write and post your own tweets, facebook, google+, pinterest, etc about the book.
Talk to the author and offer to sponsor a blog tour or other promotional campaign. (Some authors want full control over how they advertise, and you can buy them a blast promotion for as little as $45 or so. These promotions help an author spread word about their books to bloggers outside of their usual sphere of influence.)
Volunteer to help with a book release. Host a spot for the book on your blog, your website, or post it to your social media outlets.
In short, spread the word about your favorite author–there are a lot of ways you can help an author. Many of these ways are free, but take time. Authors want to be writing, editing, and producing books–the marketing elements are difficult and time consuming, which often means even the serious, professional authors are balking at the work involved.
I saved the best for last. The top way you can help authors?
Keep Reading.
Thank you, lovers of books.
Yours,
An Author.
P.S.: I like virtual hugs.
February 13, 2015
New Hosting
Due to slow service and reaching bandwidth caps, I shifted my domain to a new host. I have to correct all of the images over 300+ posts and however-many pages I have, so please ignore the clutter for the time being. Things will be fixed soon, promise!
