R.J. Blain's Blog, page 67

Amazon Only Looks Evil… Mostly.

Amazon has recently started making good on their threat to attempt to enforce their policies regarding purchased reviews. As with all things, there’s the good, the bad, and the ugly. This post is going to piss some people off. This post is going to please some people.

This post is my opinion,and if you don’t like my opinion, here’s a chance for you to get over it. I’m a writer, and part of my job is to present unpopular opinions.

Authors are finicky beasts. Some of us are egotistical. Some of us lack self-esteem. Many of us fluctuate between the extremes as a general rule. It wouldn’t surprise me if a study was done on the mental health of all writers and we learned writers have a special brand of psychosis. I mean, we make believe for a living.

This all combines to make us, as often as not, not really good business folks. It’s true. I don’t know about others, but I’d rather be writing. As often as possible, that’s exactly what I do. I rely on fans to buy my books when they come out so I can keep on writing. It’s tough–it’s scary, too.

Amazon has started targeting purchased reviews, cracking down on falsified reviews. This stings for those who participate in blog tours, since we never know if those tours will be hit with the review ban hammer.

Here is where my unpopular opinion kicks in: Good.

Let them.

I’ve participated in blog tours, and I won’t lie–totally helped launch my career. Exposure is important. But, here’s the deal: paid reviews kill good, deserving authors.

The reviews I want are from people who found my book and loved it–they loved it so much they wanted to share with others how much they loved the book. The reviews I want are from people who enjoyed my book despite its flaws.

I want honest reviews.

I have always tried to keep my book reviews to reputable blog tours. These are tours that do not offer any monetary incentive to their bloggers. These reviews are, for the most part, honest and give readers a good glimpse of what’s in the book.

Here’s the problem, though. Book reviewers are expected to play nice with the authors. Many book bloggers are honest–and brutally so, at times.

These bloggers, who rate books honestly, who don’t accept rewards for participating in a tour… aren’t being targeted as a general rule.

However, there’s a trend in book reviewing that is causing problems. They are book reviewers who are reviewing a title for a chance to win a prize. That’s directly against Amazon’s terms of service.

While we do not like it, there’s also a rule about friends and family not reviewing your title. That’s why some authors keep a distance–and wisely do not link their main amazon accounts with their facebook accounts.

I’ve lost a few reviews from friends, and while it’s disappointing–fine! Technically against the rules.

How reviewing is done is being changed on Amazon, and it’s being changed on Amazon for a good reason. There are a lot of bestselling books who have gotten that status because the system was gamed. How?

Sites, including fivrr, had reviewers who would skim the book–or just ask the author to provide a basic review–and they would post reviews at a bounty. In short, you’d pay a set fee per review, and the ‘reviewer’ would then log into multiple accounts on amazon and ‘review’ the book.

The surge in reviews would get the book noticed on Amazon, and then these books would be featured in mailers, have the algorithms work in their favor, etc, etc, etc.

Ah, fuck it, who am I kidding? Pissy authors everywhere are freaking out because Amazon is trying to put an end to reviews being gamed on their site. You know what? Get over it. There are a lot of top reviewers who post so many book reviews it is really difficult to believe these people have actually read the ten, twenty, or thirty books a day they’re reviewing.

Yeah, think about that for a second. Some of these prolific reviewers are so prolific it is pretty hard to believe they’re actually reading the books they’re reviewing.

Some people do read ten, twenty, or thirty books a day. And yes, they’re getting caught in the Amazon review ban shit storm. Some reviewers are long time book bloggers, but here’s the deal:

A lot of these reviewers are getting books from paid review tours. The coordinators are paid to hook readers and writers together for reviews. These tours often strongly recommend only favorable reviews are posted.

That means the reviews they post are no longer honest in the eyes of Amazon. By telling reviewers only to post positive reviews, the whole ‘this arc was provided for an honest review’ bit starts falling through. That disclaimer is no longer a waiver. That disclaimer is no longer what you need to do to get reviews from book bloggers to stay.

And that’s a very, very sad thing.

Almost all of my reviews that I’ve had removed have been from book bloggers–and I’ve tracked them back to book blog tours I paid a coordinator to organize for me for my sanity.

I’ve had probably ten reviewers lose reviews from my books. All but one or two have been from coordinated book tours. That speaks volumes.

Amazon wants reviewers reviewing.

Amazon doesn’t want reviewers who are reviewing positively to get free books.

This doesn’t make Amazon evil. It makes an already difficult job even more difficult, though. It’s hard getting reviews. it’s hard waiting and hoping fans like your books enough to leave a few sentences saying why they like a book–or why they don’t like a book. It’s hard hoping fans will be comfortable enough about the reviewing process to leave a review.

I probably only review 10-20% of the books I actually read. Some reviews I’ve neglected to do because I love the book so much each time I go to review it… I get distracted and I read the book again. Yeah, that’s a problem for me. Not going to lie.

I also tend to write commentary and snark as I review books–and if I don’t like a book, that commentary and snark can be a bit biting. I’m a reader as much as a writer, and I get really involved with a book. It isn’t about the author, but you damned well fucking better believe it’s about that book… and I get involved with what I read. A lot.

The following contains excessive profanity because I fucking feel like it:

Authors may not like what I have to say when I review their book, but think about it this way: You fucking got my fucking attention and you fucking made me feel things.

I only review books I have strong fucking feelings about. So the fuck what? I’m an emotional girl, and goddamnit, I read to feel things.

Maybe you don’t like what you fucking made me feel, but that’s not your problem. Seriously, it’s not. It’s mine. But opinions are like assholes, we all have one, and we have to deal with our own shit. Same applies if I fucking loved your book. If I fucking loved it, you better fucking believe I’ll probably be there buying more of your fucking books, so keep fucking writing them! Fuck, not hard.

This ties back to authors engaging with readers: Don’t fucking do it. My review really isn’t for you. I’ve only seen a very few couple of instances where I’ve actually discussed a review with an author, especially a very critical review. I am more likely to engage with an author if I really like their book or I’m close friends with them–or we’re writing buddies.

And even then, I will tell them when I don’t like something. Why? Because I tend to be a fucking blunt and honest person. I’d rather tell the truth than be one of those lying assholes who can’t be fucking trusted with anything, you know?

If I’m saying, “Eh. It was okay.” That’s exactly what I mean. I didn’t love it, didn’t hate it.

If I’m saying, “Not a fan.” That’s exactly what I mean. I didn’t like it. I’m not a fan.

You get the idea. When I’m on the fence, I go for half stars in my reviews. You can figure out if I score down or up from the half star which way I’m closer leaning.

I do review books for authors… if I feel they can handle honesty. I will review the book exactly as I like it.

Why yes, I have lost friends this way… why do you ask?

People are going to fucking bitch and moan about Amazon for one reason or another. It’s a business. No business is perfect. Amazon provides what readers want, however. Amazon versus the Big Publishers was a clusterfuck… and the Big Publishers got their way.

What happened?

I am down to buying one or two Big Publisher book releases every year now instead of buying upwards to a hundred titles a year. Indies and Self-Publishers are getting my money now. Why?

Because I was buying e-books because they were cheaper than the paperbacks I couldn’t afford. Now the e-books are more expensive than the paperbacks in some cases. I can’t afford that shit, and I want to keep reading books.

That is also exactly why I have marked down my books to $2.99 to $3.99 for new releases. I understand my wallet, and I understand that I can buy more books for cheaper, I can buy many books from one author… or just one.

I want my books to be accessible for people just like me.

Yet Amazon is evil.

No, Amazon wants money, and to earn money, they have to look at the big picture. I get that. Money’s evil, and Amazon has succeeded because it is frugal.

Before you start giving me shit about authors being a product, uh yes, we are. Get over it. Every publisher, every marketplace, every seller ever views us as a product. Because we are a product. Readers are using Amazon because it’s easy, because prices are affordable, and because it’s a known name.

Amazon fucks things up from time to time, but here’s the deal:

Amazon has allowed me to actually grow my career. The tools I need to make a successful campaign for my books are present. They have the readers, the buyers, the fans, the lovers of books–and they provide what I need to reach them.

Amazon isn’t evil because of what Amazon is. Amazon is evil because we want to be the pretty princess in the ivory tower of success… and we aren’t. And we expect Amazon to make us all a bestselling author.

Because we feel we are entitled to being that pretty princess in the ivory tower of success. We believe it should be ours just because we write.

No.I am okay with the review thing–because I want to write books that are so good people review them because they must. Because they have felt something so strong they have to tell someone about it.

I want my readers and fans to love my books so much they review because they want to not because I begged them to.

Review my books if you loved them like that. If you haven’t… do me one favor:

Find an author who makes you feel that way.

When you do, review for them, love them, and support them in the best way you can: by loving and keep their books.

You owe authors absolutely nothing. Don’t let us tell you otherwise, no matter how desperate we’re feeling because reviews do help us sell books.

Amazon isn’t evil. It’s a tool like any other, but it has one thing that scares the flying fuck out of authors: the power to make change in the publishing industry.

That’s what’s scary. Amazon has sway, Amazon has readers, and Amazon has already brought change to our comfortable little writing bubbles.

We can’t just go to a book blog touring group and expect magical reviews to rain from the sky. We’re no longer protected by “Received an ARC in exchange for an honest review” because Amazon wised up… too many of those reviews aren’t honest.

Too many of those reviews came from tour groups with strong recommendations for only positive reviews.

Too many of those reviews were actually purchased on sites like fivrr to be positive and help their authors sell books.

We don’t have to like the reasoning, but we do have to adapt to it.

For us authors?

That means we have to do better, and we have to fucking stand up and keep writing books–more books, better books, and books readers fall so deeply in love with they can’t help but leave a review because we wrote words that touched their heart or soul.

When you see a book and go, “Wow! That was so amazing, how can it not be a bestseller?” review the book. Tell your friends about it.

Bestsellers become bestsellers because people love the book and fight to make it shine. The author brought the book…

… but the readers made it a bestseller.

That’s what Amazon is trying to accomplish. They want the organic spread of books so loved they rise to the top. They don’t want gorilla marketing campaigns designed to force a book to the bestseller list.

They want to find the hidden gems that bring life to a reader’s eyes.

Amazon isn’t evil. It can’t be. It isn’t a person. It’s a business tool–and it’s a tool that’s trying to push authors into writing more and better books.

I’m fucking okay with that. Why?

Because I want to write good books. I want to write great books… and I want those books to find their way into the hands of readers who will love them.

Do reviews sell books? Yes.

But you know what actually sells books?

The book does. Everything about the book, from its cover to its description to its first pages.

Reviews just tip the scales.

You want to support authors?

Fucking read. That’s it. Read. You don’t owe us jack shit. While I’d love if you loved my books enough to leave a review, whether or not you review is entirely your choice.

If I didn’t grab your heart and squeeze it so much a review oozed out, that’s okay.

Just keep fucking reading.

Just keep fucking writing.

In the grand scheme… publishing as an industry is kinda evil. Blaming one entity does no one any good. At the very end of the day, books matter. It’s a big world. Find your way in it.

If you view Amazon as evil, go elsewhere. That’s your choice.

But Amazon’s policies aren’t the real act of evil here:

The fact we have a problem with people buying fame, buying reviews, and believing it’s okay to get positive reviews at any cost is the real act of evil here.

I don’t have a problem with people using book blog tours to connect with reviewers–if those groups don’t mandate positive-only reviews.

Problem is, the reviewers are under pressure to do just that.

And that is why reviews are being removed–not because they were found on tour groups, but because those groups do not actually exchange ARCs for honest reviews. They’re asked to review positively.

And that violates Amazon’s terms of condition.

Amazon is giving us exactly what we asked for. Think about that very carefully. Authors have been crying for years to get rid of the biased reviews.

And they have. They are… and now we’re starting to see just how far the dark arms of biased reviews stretch.

And it isn’t entirely Amazon’s fault. It’s ours, too.

Now that we’ve gotten what we’ve asked for… what are we going to do about it?

I don’t know what everyone else is going to do about it, but I’m going to write better fucking books. I want to write books that squeeze a reader’s heart until a review oozes out.

Adventures in Moving: Preparing for Battle

Sometime in the near future, my husband and I will be moving to California. He was hired by Apple, and we found out a couple of weeks ago that his visa application was approved. We have to go in for a visa interview, but I don’t foresee any problems with that.

I’m not going to lie. My husband and I are fucking messy. We both work from home, we both tend to get ultra focused on our work, and fucking frankly, we’re two of the laziest motherfuckers you’ve ever met when it comes to things like chores. We work hard and we play hard, and cleaning doesn’t fall into the equation like it should.

So, in order to move, we have to pretty much change all of our bad habits, take our damned pack rat tendencies, and alter our general lifestyle quite a bit.

Fuckityfuckfuckfuck.

Nope, I’m so not ready for this. If the lawyers are correct in their estimate, we have a maximum of three months before we’ll be in California. In that time, we have to do the following:

Clean the house
Restore the basement
Fix the faucets. All of them.
Replace the molding in the bathrooms.
Fix the banister.
Fix the upstairs electricity circuit.
Repair the pool. (a pipe burst at the end of the season.)
Sell the house.
Clean.
Clean.
Clean.

I fucking hate cleaning. I’d rather rip my toenails out. Sure, I get a thrill out of turning chaos to order, which makes cleaning a little bit rewarded, but…

Okay, not going to lie here. I have a serious pack rat problem. Actually, no. I’m a goddamned fucking dragon. I’m awesome, and my horde of treasures shall not be taken from me!

Reality: I, of my own free will, pruned my extensive beer glass collection down to five glasses I really liked. The entirety of my whiskey bottle collection is being thrown out. I am actually giving away limited numbers of my journals to a few friends who deserve/need them. LIMITED NUMBERS. I’m not crazy, okay? This dragon isn’t doing a whole lot of pruning of the journal collection. You can just suck it if you don’t like it.

My entire port collection (over 20-30 bottles, some of them rare) is being given away; the movers don’t like moving alcohol. This is actually pretty painful for me, because I’ve been collecting some of these bottles for years. I enjoy a glass of port every couple of weeks, and I like a variety.

I’ll begin my collection again in California. I will be drinking the ports I really like best, or the really expensive bottles, though. This dragon can’t have all the joy of life sucked away, okay?

The xbox and our game collection is also going; the xbox broke recently, and replacing it isn’t currently an option. We may keep the games in case the husband wants to get another xbox. Uncertain. We’ll see. It’s something we’ll discuss. We may keep the games because I’ve already packed them into a box.

My first task is to go through my kitchen. Unfortunately, thanks to my dragon-like tendencies to horde things and buy shiny objects, my kitchen is a disaster area of excess. The beer glasses are only one manifestation of this excess.

The less shit I own means the more books I can take, right?

My husband wanted me to get rid of my book collection. I told him over my dead body. We have compromised. By compromise, I actually I actually mean: there is no fucking way I’m getting rid of my fucking book collection.

He has learned some battles can’t be won, and that is one of them.

So, today, I battle my kitchen.

Tomorrow, I take over the world. Be ready.

2015 in Review: Finances, Taxes, and Money Matters

(c) qisur (Creative Commons – Flickr)

It’s tax season. Yesterday, I compared my earnings from 2014 and 2015 on a book-by-book level, discussing the changes in income and situation.

Today, I’m going to show 2015 on a more complete level, discussing monetary expenditures versus earnings.

Here is a top-level glance at my expenditures and earnings by month.

Month
Earnings
Spending


January
$455.09
$1,084.00


February
$190.58
 $0.00


March
$386.59
$45.00


April
$357.95
$84.00


May
$246.87
$0.00


June
$126.36
$100.00


July
$794.63
$44.99


August
$354.26
$0.00


September
$359.07
$500.18


October
$609.18
$1,375.86


November
$1,410.08
$585.00


December
$1,218.54
$638.00



$6,509.18
$4,457.03

 

There are a few things you have probably noticed about this chart. First, there are months I didn’t spend anything. Why? Editorial, Cover Art, and often Advertising are done in advance. Sometimes, I plan one to two months in advance. For some covert art, I plan a year in advance. So, that skews things. Here’s the deal: I pay for things as I have the money to pay for them–or I’m gambling and anticipating earnings. Take October for example.

In October, I spent a great deal of money on Cover Art. I also spent a great deal on advertising for November and December. Money spent in December was used for earnings in January 2016 and so on. So, this isn’t actually a good indication of how money flows. That said, I spent less in 2015 than I earned, and that is the foundation for a successful business. (Profit does matter.)

What this does show is that spending money on advertising makes a big difference. The months I had the extra money to spend on advertising, I made substantially more money in the following months. Not every promotion worked, and there were definitely promotions I lost money on, but… I gained more than I lost, which is my end-game goal as a general rule.

January, October, November, and December saw a lot of general investments in cover art and editorial, which skews the numbers. Nov-Jan of each year tends to have higher sales, so I try to invest in my writing when I expect money to come in to cover the bills.

Later in the 2015, editorial work wasn’t being compensated through monetary investments, which has really, really helped my bottom line. Yay for bartering and/or other methods of payment!

Here is the list of expenditures by type:

Advertising: $1,623.97
Convention: $175.00
Cover Art: $1,446.50
Editing: $505.00
Office Supplies: $706.56

2016 will see a large spike in cover art costs, very little in editorial costs, substantial amounts in advertising, and very little in office supplies. That said, this is a pretty good indication of how I spend my money. In 2016, I want to spend more on advertising if I can afford it to help boost my general visibility.

I also use a lot of free tools to help promote my books, which helps substantially.

Let’s Talk Advertising

Advertising is the primary driver of my sales. While I’d like to say I have a huge street team of first-day buyers, I don’t. I rely on using free promotions to gain exposure and reviews, which in turn help convince other readers to give my books a try.

I also use book blog tours to help gain a name and exposure. I have a preference for tours that review books as a part of the tour.

In 2016,one of my goals is to explore free options I can do for advertising in addition to the things I already do. No lies, advertising is tough as hell for me, but I keep stabbing at it in hopes of succeeding somewhere.

My main strategy is persistence. I figure if I don’t give up, something good will happen eventually… right?

About that Cover Art…

Cover Art is expensive, but worth it. My cover art costs have gone up substantially, but I’m coping with it. Because I buy things as I have the money to do so, I have a lot of cover art for unreleased titles. That means when the books are ready, I don’t have to worry if my royalties were high enough to handle the costs.

It doesn’t pay off in the short term, but it does pay off in the long term. Don’t spend money you don’t have is a pretty good rule for business… and unfortunately, when you’re an author, it often doesn’t work out that way until you have at least three to five books out… and even then, if you aren’t aggressive about your advertising, if you don’t hit in a semi-popular genre, you might not have the income.

Publishing is a pretty difficult career option. In some ways, I do not feel successful at all. Every time I look at my finances, I worry–and with good reason.

There are no guarantees. So, I try to stack the deck in my favor and hope it works out in the long term.

Talking Business: The Financials of Writing

(c) Jo Naylor (Creative Commons License – Flickr)

It’s tax season again, and authors around the world are whimpering and preparing to sell their souls to the IRS. I’m no different, except I have a piece of paper that I send the government showing I’m exempted from US taxes. (I still have to file, but I do not owe them anything.)

I’m not going to go into much detail on my expenses, but I will be talking about money flow. I will be comparing 2014 and 2015. In 2014, I was still doing a substantial amount of editorial work.

Before I dig into the nitty-gritty, I want to list the books I released by year.

2014 Releases

Inquisitor (Witch & Wolf #1, May 2014)
Winter Wolf (Witch & Wolf #2, Nov 2014)

2015 Releases

Storm Surge (Requiem #2, Apr 2015)
Blood Diamond (Witch & Wolf #3, Jun 2015)
Tales of the Winter Wolf (#1-5, Jul-Sept 2015)
Beneath a Blood Moon (Witch & Wolf Standalone, Nv 2015)
New Me’s Book (#1 of Series, Dec 2015)

The number of books released is a pretty good indication of how thin I was spreading myself on the editorial front; by quitting client edits, I was able to release three additional novels in 2015. This has made a huge difference on my finances overall.)

I made ~$100 less in 2015 than I did in 2014.

This is actually a pretty big deal, and in a fantastic way. In 2014, I won the Amazon lottery and got featured in a mailer, which resulted in a huge boost to earnings over a 2 month period of time.

In 2015, I had no such luck. Every penny I earned in 2015 was done through advertising and my books selling themselves.

Progress is being made, and it’s good progress. Of course, some of 2014’s earnings were from books written in 2013, and the same applies for 2015, too.

Breaking Down the Earnings by Year
2013 | $602.45

Storm Without End | $409.48
The Eye of God | $192.97

2014 | $6,660.90

Inquisitor | $4,905.83
Storm Without End | $389.49
The Eye of God | $194.99
Winter Wolf | $1,170.59

2015 | $6,509.18

Beneath a Blood Moon | $424.34
Blood Diamond | $1,068.51
Inquisitor | $1,568.75
Omnibus – Tales of the Winter Wolf, Vol 1-5 | $148.31
Storm Surge | $419.67
Storm Without End | $240.48
Tales of the Winter Wolf, Vol. 1 | $93.48
Tales of the Winter Wolf, Vol. 2 | $65.18
Tales of the Winter Wolf, Vol. 3 | $56.85
Tales of the Winter Wolf, Vol. 4 | $60.70
Tales of the Winter Wolf, Vol. 5 | $56.41
New Me’s Book | $542.13
The Eye of God | $54.91
Winter Wolf | $1,709.47

What do these numbers mean…?

That’s a very good question. In the grand scheme of things, the answer is ‘nothing.’ Luck plays as much a part in the publishing world as strategy. In 2014, I got lucky. In 2015, I played the numbers game.

In 2014, I had four titles to work with. In 2015, I had 14 titles to work with. There was no one golden race horse in 2015, while I had Inquisitor’s lucky Amazon mailer driving income and sales in 2014. These numbers suggest there is definitely something there to the belief of more books equals success, to a certain degree. (More good books would equal more success, too.)

Here’s the thing, though. Quality and genre matter. In 2015, The Eye of God made $54.91. This is by far my worst book, and it’s also a fringe book. (I still love this book, but let’s face it. It’s my debut title and it has lots of warts.) Length of the book plays a huge factor, too. The Tales of the Winter Wolf series comes in at approximately 30,000 words per volume. They’re priced cheaper as a result. Their earnings, as such, are lower. Beneath a Blood Moon is my longest title at approximately 180,000 words, but it’s a new release, thus hasn’t had any time to gain momentum. I also haven’t done any advertising or special promotions for it, either.

My main Witch & Wolf novels are still my money makers, which comes as no surprise to me.

So, take from this as you will. But, there’s definitely something to be said about the advice to keep writing and releasing new books. It’s hard, but it helps. It really does.

Sometimes you just need to step back and take a look at the big picture… and remember that your big picture might have some clouded panes of glass. For me, the Amazon mailer in 2014 is that clouded pane of glass, because I have judged my overall financial performance against a freak stroke of luck instead of looking through another section of glass, one that wasn’t quite so fogged up and distorted from a singular incident.

Something to think about.

(Shameless self-promotion: If you find blog posts like this useful, drop a handful of quarters in the donation bin by buying a book for yourself or a friend. Alternatively, you can drop a few quarters in the indiegogo donation bin.)

State of the Union: Works-in-Progress, Crowdfunding, and More!

I haven’t done a State of the Blain Union address in a while, so here I am, ready to dig into my crazy and insane life.

Let’s Get Personal…

My life has been a bit of a rollercoaster lately. The big thingie is the impending move to California, which I am so not ready for. House is a mess, I have no organization skills at current, house is a mess, I have repairs to do, house is a mess, the basement still isn’t finished and money doesn’t grow on trees to finish the repairs, house is a mess, and everything is crazy.

Did I mention the house is a mess?

Shitfuck.

In actuality, I’m actually doing pretty okay. There are some rough spots, most of them financial, but California will mean a lot for us; husband’s pay will go up dramatically, and while our living expenses will also go up, we’ll be fine. Probably debt free on top of fine, too, which is even better. Well, mostly debt free.

The sewage flood really did sink us. It sucks. But, we’ll get through it. All-in-all, it could have been a lot worse. And boy, do I ever mean a lot worse.

Let’s Talk Books…

Beneath a Blood Moon was my last RJ Blain release.

It’s basically about a young, smart woman who ran from her past and became a stripper in order to survive and get the education she wants (and needs) to truly move on in her life. When she comes down with a severe case of werewolf, her world is turned upside down…

This title is good for those who want an introduction to the Witch & Wolf world, as it follows the story of someone who went from being a Normal everyday girl to someone not quite so normal. It’s also one of my favorite books. I’m biased.

This is also my longest novel published to date, coming in at 180,000 words. It’s a bit of a monster. The cover artist is the delightful Holly Heisey, who does the vast majority of my cover art work nowadays.

New Books are Coming…

Before I dive in and talk about the new titles, I’m going to discuss the crowdfund I’m working on. It’s to help me get my novels back into print. The two new books I’m about to discuss are included in several perks. You can get them in the $17 “Coloring Book & New Books” perk, the $30 “Coloring Books & 7 ebooks” perk, the Original Coloring Page perk, the Pick Your Page perk, and you can get them in the unsigned and signed print books perks.

Anyway, onto the books.

Pack Justice is the story of a cheetah shaman, Sean, who serves as a prosecuting attorney. He has kept his supernatural nature secret from everyone, uncertain of what would happen if they found out he had a ghost cheetah for a campaign and limited shapeshifting abilities.

Sean has gotten everything he has dreamed of in his career, but something is missing: a wife who isn’t psychotic and out for his blood. Filing for divorce is his first step towards freedom, but he never anticipated the lengths his wife would go to keep him–or that he isn’t the only one with a secret.

A last ditch effort to save his marriage ends in ruins. In order to save Sean’s life, his cheetah risks his life and sacrifices his freedom to strike a bargain with a wolf. With a pair of spirit beasts lurking in his head, adapting to his new life won’t be easy.

If Sean wants to protect himself and his loved ones from his ex-wife, he’ll need to to the lines between justice, mercy, and vengeance. One wrong decision could cost him his life–and the lives of those who mean the most to him.

Pack Justice will be released sometime in 2016. There will be no preorders for this novel, so if you want to know when it’s out, please go to my amazon page and click the follow button!

Shadowed Flame is one of the hardest books I’ve ever worked on. When I write, the world is full of senses; sight, sound, taste, and touch. I love trying to bring a world to life using as many senses as I can.

Shadowed Flame tells the story of a young woman who was involved in a major car accident when she was an infant. Her mother was killed. Her father disappeared. In order to redeem himself, the drunk driver who had caused the accident adopts Matia and raises her as though she were his own.

The evidence of what her adoptive father did touches every part of her life, for Matia lives in a world without color. Her cursed eyes see more–and less–than they should, and she has dedicated her life to erasing the dark aura of guilt cloaking her father.

Matia’s life is forever changed when she’s caught in a bombing of a busy airport. With her health in tatters, she must come to terms with her mortality. Aware of the fact her next breath could be her last, she is determined to make the most of the time she has left.

If she wants to survive, she will have to fight fire with fire, and the truth behind her colorblind eyes could prove her salvation–or lead to her ruin.

And finally, I’m working on another Witch & Wolf standalone novel about a former government agent who discovers the art heist he had been hired to pull off is a cover for a far more dangerous mission, one that could cost him his freedom, his sanity, and possibly his life.

It doesn’t have a title yet, but it’s a seriously fun little romp, and I’m having a blast working on it. Unfortunately, as it contains all the spoilers!!! I can’t release this one until after Silver Bullet is released. Boo!

Oh, yes. Silver Bullet. That’s coming, too. Late 2016 or Early 2017, if things go to schedule. We’ll see.

Let’s Talk Crowdfunding…

I’ve talked about this before, so I’ll keep it brief. I love writing, I love my books, and I love entertaining people. Writing as a career choice is pretty difficult, although I’m doing the best I can. Print editions have been an expense I haven’t been willing to afford. It sucks.

However, I’ve started work with a super-awesome cover artist, Holly Heisey, who has been able to work with me and my budget to bring my novels back into print. Here’s a breakdown of my basic costs, which are being covered in the indiegogo campaign:

$550 for an omnibus edition of Books 1-3 (Inquisitor, Winter Wolf, and Blood Diamond in one book.)
$550 for book 4. (Silver Bullet.)
$150 for Beneath a Blood Moon (Standalone.)
$150 for Pack Justice (Standalone.)
$150 for Shadowed Flame (Standalone.)
$300 for Copyright fees
$50 Misc. Expenses

You’ll notice there are two drastically different price points here. The covers costing $150 I’ve already purchased the front cover layouts for and paid for; they are the digital ebook covers, which will be used to create the print edition versions. The covers costing $550 need full design work.

So, in order to gather funds, I’m putting a second passion of mine to good use: my art. I’ve always been good at sketching and line art; I can’t color or paint worth a shit, though. I also love coloring books, although I’m pretty much like Matia when it comes to them–absolutely colorblind. I don’t care, though. They’re fun.

So, I’m melding passions together by creating a fantasy-themed coloring book suitable for adults and kids. There will also be plant & animal coloring pages, too. These are digital pages, so you can print them out and color them as often as you like. The coloring book can be acquired in the basic $10 perk, and will include 50+ pages.

Here’s an example of some of the pages:

Here is a breakdown of the available perks:

$10: 50+ Coloring Pages
$17: Coloring Pages & the unreleased W&W ebooks (Shadowed Flame, Pack Justice, and SIlver Bullet.)
$20: Coloring Pages & released W&W ebooks (Inquisitor, Winter Wolf, Blood Diamond, Beneath a Blood Moon.)
$30: Coloring Pages & main W&W ebooks (Inquisitor, Winter Wolf, Blood Diamond, Beneath a Blood Moon, Shadowed Flame, Pack Justice, and Silver Bullet.)
$50: Original Coloring Page Art: You will receive the original line art for one of the coloring pages, plus all 7 W&W ebooks. (Shipping costs extra) (5 available.)
$60: Unsigned W&W novels: You will receive a copy of the W&W 3 book omnibus, Silver Bullet, Pack Justice, Shadowed Flame, and Beneath a Blood Moon. These will be shipped as the books are ready. (Shipping costs extra.) You will also receive ebook versions of the book. 20 available.
$75: Pick Your Page: You will pick a theme of a coloring page, and I will draw it for you. The page will be included in the coloring book, plus you will be mailed the original art. This perk also comes with all 7 W&W novels. (Shipping costs extra)
$150: Signed W&W Novels: You will receive the W&W print editions, signed (and possibly drawn in, because I tend to doodle with my signature…) and sent to you. These books ship when the entirety of them are available. You also receive ebook versions of the books. (10 available.)

So, if you’re interested, please drop over to the indiegogo! If you’re not in a financial position to contribute, there are lots of ways you can help. Share this campaign with your friends and family–lots of people love coloring books. I try to keep the art as kid friendly as possible, so families can enjoy coloring together. (That said, there are more complex pieces in the book, which are meant for adults to have fun with.)

Thanks so much. Back to work with me so I can get all of these unwritten books finished and released. Hope you all have a fantastic day.

Crowdfund for Print Books

I’m asked every week by a reader when my books will become available in print. I’ve been delaying for quite a while because I wanted to hire Holly Heisey, my current cover artist, to do the print cover layouts. While her prices are reasonable, I haven’t been in the financial position to make them happen.

I’ve finally gotten to the point the print editions are in the cards. Affording the cost of bringing all of my Witch & Wolf novels into print has been a challenge. At this point, it will happen. The question is when.

With your help, I can make it happen a lot sooner than otherwise. I’ve launched a crowdfunding campaign specifically to bring old & new Witch & Wolf novels into print. Before I talk about the book, I want to show you what the primary perk will be:

An adult coloring book. Actually, an all-ages coloring book. It will be a collection of line art images you can print and color. I’ve always enjoyed art, and line art is the one form of art I’m consistently good at. There will be a minimum of fifty pages in a rage of sizes, including a sheet of bookmarks you can take to a printer to have printed on card stock if that’s up your alley.

The above images are examples of what will be included in the coloring page gallery. The final pictures will be cleaned to black & white and scanned so they can be printed on 8×11 sheets of paper.

The originals are also available as a perk (assigned randomly to contributors.) There’s even a perk level where you can tell me what to draw.

I will be drawing dragons, unicorns, pegasus, other mythical beasts, flowers, and mundane animals as coloring book subjects. I will also be trying my hand at abstract and non-abstract patterns, although I have no idea how many (if any) will make it to the final edition of the coloring book.

Other perks include:

e-book copies of the Witch & Wolf Novels (4 Main Series novels, 3 standalones)
Unsigned copies of the books. (They’ll be substantially cheaper than the retail price.)
Signed copies of the book. (Currently limited to 5 sets. If there is enough demand for the set, I may increase this number. Signed copies will also include an exclusive bookmark for your coloring enjoyment.)

The 50 page set of coloring pages costs $10. I will be adding additional pages to the coloring set if the campaign funds.

I know there are some of you who have been waiting for print editions of these books for a long time. Should the campaign fund, I will be opening stretch goals to bring the rest of my books into print.

This campaign focuses on these titles:

Omnibus collection of Witch & Wolf Books 1-3 (Inquisitor, Winter Wolf, Blood Diamond.)
Silver Bullet (Late 2016 / Early 2017.)
Beneath a Blood Moon
Pack Justice
Shadowed Flame

Here is a sampling of the covers Holly has already done for me:

If the campaign funds and stretch goals are met, I will be releasing/adding the following titles to the campaign:

Tales of the Winter Wolf Volumes 1-5
Omnibus Collection of Requiem for the Rift King Books 1 & 2 (Storm Without End, Storm Surge.)
New Me’s Omnibus Collection of Books 1-3.
Work-in-Progress Novel Currently Untitled

Here’s a breakdown of the perks: (Prices exclude shipping)

$1: 5 coloring pages
$10: The entire coloring page collection
$30: All ebooks & the coloring page collection
$50: Original Art of a Coloring Page
$60: Unsigned copies of print books (20 available.)
$75: Pick a Page: You get to request a theme for your very own coloring page.
$150: Signed collection of the print books plus an exclusive piece of art. (A bookmark.)

I may be adding additional perks as the campaign continues, or raising the availability of some perks dependent on demand.

A note about the retail price of the books: Titles will range between $15-$25, as I will be enrolling them in Amazon’s extended distribution program. They’ll be cheaper from my createspace store, so details on that will be available as I get them.

Thank you so much for your support. Even if you can’t offer monetary help, please click on over and share this campaign with any of your friends or loved ones who enjoy art and fiction.

You want the truth? You can’t handle the truth!

My husband and I watched ‘A Few Good Men’ the other week, and the iconic line at the conclusion of the movie has stuck with me the entire time. The rage of the character, his twisted sense of justice, and the circumstances made me stop and thing–which is the exact purpose of the entire movie.

Being honest, I only watched the conclusion of the trial, and I only watched it for those two little lines. But, it’s something that has really stuck out to me the past few days.

Tomorrow, my pseudonym releases her debut novel. It’s been a topsy turvy trip, and there have been a lot of downers with it. A lot more downers than uppers.

I love books, and I love writing books. I sit down almost every single day and work on my next title, pushing through disappointment after disappointment in the hopes of beating the odds and somehow pulling the magical rabbit out of my ass.

Since I have bad luck more than I have good luck, I have tried my best to remove luck as the driving factor of my publishing efforts. I try to make up my lack of good luck in effort, and it doesn’t always work out.

New Me’s efforts have been plagued with bad luck–bad luck I’ve mostly taken in stride. My editor was plagued with migraines, had a real life emergency, and otherwise was delayed for a couple of weeks on the project. This put me behind schedule. My ARCs weren’t as polished as I liked, although the production copy was polished substantially before being loaded into Amazon.

That works out in the end, although my paranoia is now kicking in.

But, I stray from the point I wish to make. Today, my editor wailed the bad news that has her sad.

One of the authors she really liked announced she will no longer be writing stories. Why?

The author in question had a bad launch last week. In the traditional publication world, the first week of sales make or break an author. If the publisher feels they can’t earn a profit on an author quickly, they won’t renew or extend a contract. The author dies the cold, sad death of falling into obscurity.

Most authors face this demise.

Very, very few of us get lucky. This is the truth we don’t want to face, the truth we choose to ignore so we can keep doing what we love, which is writing more books.

I’ve talked about my financials before. I’m going to talk to you about it again. Readers, writers, fans, anyone who cares about authors–I’m just one example out of many. Some consider me a success story. Some consider me a failure.

I’m going to go into detail on why I’m both–and why we need to be aware of the cold, hard facts about the fiction world.

Disclaimer: I am not an expert. I’m simply someone sharing my experiences self-publishing.

I am a success because…

I make more than median for self-publishers consistently.
I sustain higher than a 4* average on amazon… and most of my reviews come from strangers. (Strangers who weren’t associated with a blog tour.)
I have fans who love my books. (And I love each and every one of you.)
Obtained membership in the SFWA on the merit of my book’s professional performance. (It keeps me trudging along sometimes.)

I am a failure because…

I don’t make minimum wage.
I don’t make median for traditionally published authors. (I’m close, though.)
I’m not popular enough to have a fan club. (I’m joking.)
I have made all of the mistakes!! ALL of them. (Seriously.)

Some of my comments are in jest, but the problem is very real.

I am a success because I make more than median for self-publishers but I am a failure because I make less than minimum wage.

I actually made minimum wage in November, and I considered popping a bottle of booze to celebrate. True story. Ultimately, I didn’t pop the bottle thanks to being sick with a head cold. I don’t need a hangover on top of that crap.

Publishing is tough. Everyone has a different opinion on what works and what doesn’t.

Here’s the thing: it ultimately boils down to luck.

If it didn’t, here would be a few facts about the industry that simply aren’t true because luck is too much of a factor.

1: All traditionally published books would be bestselling hits.

2: The same formula would work on all books.

Traditional publishers, especially the big five, know what the fuck they are doing and they can’t make all of their books hit. They can’t even make most of their books hit–very few authors actually succeed.

Think about that carefully. If there were a formula that magically worked on all books, the traditional houses would use it for each and every book–and have those books become runaway bestsellers.

Today, my editor talked to me about an author she loved who is quitting writing because of a sour launch, and she made me think.

I have released quite a few titles–9 full-length features as of tomorrow, 14 if you count the volumes within the omnibus.

Of these 14 titles, I would say I have had one actually successful launch. I am defining launch, in this case, to the two week window following release day. (If you count launch day only, I have had zero successful launches.)

What do I define as a success? I covered all of my costs, including promotion, of the title. This is a pretty low bar, being honest. Let me quantify that for you: $800.

That’s an average. Some books cost substantially more. Some cost substantially less, as I have a few folks who have generously donated their time and effort to help me produce my novels so I can keep writing more stories.

Today, my editor talked to me about an author she loved who is quitting writing because of a sour launch, and I understand that author all too well.

There have been so many days lately where I have questioned why I keep on writing. 9 full-length features, 14 total releases… and for what? A couple of hundred a month with the occasional month of making minimum wage?

When presented like that, quitting is the sane and logical choice. Ouch. That hurts.

You want the truth? You can’t handle the truth!

It applies to the publishing and artistic sector so much. This is the truth for the vast majority. I treat my writing as a job.

If I were truly treating my writing as a full-time job, I would have quit long ago, because I am not making the money I would be if I did have a full-time job. This really hurts to admit. Writing is more than a job. It’s a passion, a lifestyle, and one of the dumbest decisions I ever made in my life–but I’m sticking with it, at least for now.

Writing is hard, but I still love it, and until I stop loving it, I will keep chasing after those stories I so love telling.

I make mistakes, but with each book, I try to do better than my previous book. I want to tell stories people love. I want to eradicate every error from my titles.

I go back over my older titles time and time again to hunt out the errors I missed. (No, not the errors my editor missed, the errors I missed. This is my book, my work, my efforts, and I am the one making the mistakes.)

My editor helps me catch the mistakes, but they are ultimately my mistakes and my responsibility.

One of my mistakes was putting too much trust (and general reliance) in editors to clean up my mistakes. I’m fixing that–I have been working on fixing that for months. I’m getting better at it, slowly but surely.

I’m not perfect yet, I will never be perfect, but I want to be–and I will continue to try to be.

That’s another cold, hard truth some writers don’t want to accept. You can hire the best editors in the world, and they may miss things, and if they do… it is your fault, not theirs.

It is your book. (Editors are amazing people and do not get the credit most of them deserve, and they definitely don’t deserve any flack for mistakes in your book, because it is your book, not theirs.)

For every new writer who steps up to the bat, another quits writing because they are one of the ones who didn’t make it, and it has nothing to do with their skill–it has everything to do with their luck.

One of the authors my editor really liked quit writing last week, and they told the truth none of us wants to hear.

To so many of us, launch day means the difference between remaining an author or quitting to find greener pastures. I, too, live with the launch day realities. Will the book sell enough?

Will I get lucky?

Where is my line in the sand, and what will I do if I don’t reach it?

A little voice in the back of my head hisses, “You want the truth? You can’t handle the truth.”

Sometimes, the only option left for an author is to turn and walk away and cut losses.

I don’t want that to be my truth, but every time I release a new title, I wonder.

The Process of Writing

Every author is different. Every book is different. There are hundreds of different methods to compose a novel. My site has numerous posts about how I do things. There are thousands more on the internet. But, I think there comes a time where we have to remind ourselves of one simple truth: there is no one right way.

When I create a blog post detailing how I do something, I do so with the intent of giving people options. The only person this method works 100% for is me, and it doesn’t even work for me 100% of the time.

We’ve heard it before. Writing is hard, and this is part of the reason why. If there was one set method everyone could use to write a damned good book, we wouldn’t need a star rating system on websites because all books would be damned good books.

Over the years, my writing process has changed substantially, and I’m going to talk about what I used to do versus what I currently do. I hope you walk away with something out of this, but if you don’t, that’s okay, too.

When I first started writing, I didn’t actually have a computer of my own. I wrote in the cheapest lined notebooks my mother could get me. My sister had a computer, but she used it on her own. It wasn’t until 1-2 years after I started actually expressing interest in writing I got a computer of my own.

It was someone’s broken laptop. It didn’t have a hard drive, but it did have a zip drive, and I had to run windows from the zip drive. But hey, it worked, and went from having nothing to having something. I then got my sister’s hand me down computer.

I wrote maybe 5,000 words a year at that point in time. I also had no idea how to touch type and I had to hunt for each and every letter.

(As a side note, my mother had a typewriter, and she even let me use it sometimes… but I didn’t write very much, because paper was too expensive to waste.)

For what it’s worth, I didn’t really consider myself a writer back then. It was pure escapism, and I did it purely for my entertainment. I didn’t start thinking of myself as a writer until after I turned eighteen. Now, I wasn’t really a writer then, either–I wasn’t writing. I only did it when I was in the mood, which wasn’t often.

I transitioned from notebooks to digital after I moved to Canada, although I did write some stories on notebook paper still.

I was maybe writing 10,000 words a year at this point, usually in 2-3,000 word bursts.

That changed several years later when my husband called me out on the fact I liked claiming I was a writer and I wasn’t actually writing. I bought myself a case of Nestea, and in my determination to prove my husband wrong, I sat down and wrote my first book. I did it over the course of three days. My highest word count was approximately 33,000 words for a single day, and my fingers bled.

It was a terrible story, but I had written it, and that’s all that mattered. I proved I could.

I pantsed that story from start to finish. I continued to pants my way through stories thereafter for a few years. I actually hated the idea of writing outlines. I thought if I outlined something, it would destroy the story and ruin the love of discovery. (Note: I was miserably wrong on this point.)

I upgraded to 50,000 to 80,000 words a year of novel writing. At this point, I was starting to actually consider myself a writer. I didn’t write all the time, but I was writing every month, even if the amount was small.

Years went by, as they have this tendency to do, and somewhere along the way, I decided I wanted to become a published author. (Some might claim this was actually the biggest mistake.)

My process underwent a massive changed. I started handwriting 90% of my writing. The ‘good’ stuff I would then transcribe into the computer. Storm Without End (Closer to 50% drafted on notebook after I got done with the edits…) and The Eye of God (Pretty much exact to what I had written in the notebook) were both written in this way. Storm Surge was also written in this way.

I pantsed Storm Without End and The Eye of God. I mostly pantsed Inquisitor.

I learned pantsing leaves a lot of room for improvement and a lot of room for errors, too. I wanted to tell stronger, better stories. I wanted to take my creativity and do something better with it. I wanted to tell better stories.

I started looking at the weaknesses in my early books, and I realized I was shooting myself in the foot. I was good at pantsing–at least, I thought I was. Ego, you’re a cruel mistress.

Pantsing was hurting me more than helping me. I started making the shift to outlining (in synopsis summaries) to help me define and improve my books.

Winter Wolf was the first book I did extensive outlining on. Of course, the outline was a drastically different beast than the finished book, but I learned something very important. Outlining in synopsis summaries per arc didn’t ruin the sense of wonder and discovery. It did function as writing a draft without nearly as much time commitment. I got to know the characters better. Winter Wolf has flaws and a lot of them, but it’s a much better book for me learning I was hurting myself by pantsing.

The below image showcases my life before I learned how to outline in a way that works for me.

None of these books will ever be fit for production. They’re terrible. They all share one commonality: I pantsed them all.

This is the index of my shelf of shame, which now lives in a scrivener file for easy referencing.

This accounts for almost 600,000 words of learning, effort, and tears. Some stories I restarted over and over and over. I don’t regret pantsing these stories. I’m glad I did. I learned a lot about the writing process by writing.

I learned a hell of a lot more about the writing process by forcing myself to outline, though. I had to pay attention to character development. I had to pay attention to plot flow. I had to learn what these things actually were so I could use them effectively.

I didn’t realize I had no idea what I was doing until I realized I wasn’t outlining because I didn’t like the method… I wasn’t outlining because I didn’t know how to write a book.

Storm Without End actually changed a lot of things for me. I rewrote that book many times. To give you an idea of the amount of work I invested in trying to make it a decent book, I present to you the scrivener showing my production books.

There are enough scenes in the cut scene folder to account for almost an entire draft of the book. Five full versions plus the final production copy plus the cut scenes.

That represents several years of my life trying to learn how to tell a better story.

Your writing process should evolve. If it doesn’t, you may not be growing as a writer. That may not be an easy pill to swallow, but why should a method continue to work if you’re evolving as a writer? It shouldn’t. As your knowledge and skill grows, you’ll find better ways to work–ways that enhance your ability to tell a story.

If anyone tells you they are the authority on how to write a book, run away.

No one is. No one can tell you how to write your book. You can choose to listen to advice–and you probably should. It’s a good way to learn, even if you learn that their method doesn’t work for you.

Here is a glimpse at my current writing process, which is far different from when I just sat down and puked words onto the page. Note: This is modified from a post I had made on Google+; why reinvent the wheel when I can copy/paste?

1: Outlining.

I write a summary synopsis of the book I want to write. This is done 1-5 times on average depending on the story. Pack Justice had 4 outlines. New Pseudonym Books average 2-3 outlines for refinements.

An outline pretty much equates a draft for me because I go scene by acne to develop the world and characters. It took me almost three weeks at four or so hours a day to outline Pack Justice.

2: Drafting.

I am currently writing directly to the computer. The outline phase is done in levenger circa journals.

Note: when I draft, I edit as I draft. Whenever I start my day, I go back and edit at least one section for continuity checks and so on.

Drafting takes approximately one month for 80-100,000 words.

3: Editing.

While I do edit while I draft, I also do an editing pass of the book before I send to my copy and proofing editor.

4: Copy / Proofing Edits.

Once I get the notes back from my editor, I implement them.

5: Arc creation.

Book goes to reviewers. I do a basic scan for stupid things I may have missed during the regular edit phase as I also check over the entirety of the file for formatting issues.

6: Final Proofing.

I try to do this step as many times as possible to catch the stupid errors, on several different devices.

Every book is different, so my process does change for the specific book I am working on, but this is a pretty good summary of how my flow typically is at current.

Most importantly, find a way that works for you.

No one can hold your hand and tell you what that way is. You can only discover that way by sitting your ass down in your chair and doing the work. Becoming a writer isn’t a magical process. The road to victory is paved in your hard effort, and you only have yourself to thank or to blame for your successes and failures.

And we all fail–the real question is this: will you get back up and try again when you do?

I’m glad I did.

Beneath a Blood Moon has released!

Sara’s life turns upside down when someone leaves her a funerary urn, black roses, and death threats on her doorstep. Fearing her work as a stripper and showgirl has put her in the sights of a demented stalker, she turns to her best friend and fellow dancer for help.

Instead of a safe haven, all Sara finds is betrayal. Hunted by creatures she once believed were stories meant to frighten children, she is given a choice: become one of them, or die.

Forced to share her skin with a voracious carnivore and driven by instincts and desires too strong to resist, Sara must adapt to the changes in her life or be destroyed by them. Finding a mate is her wolf’s top priority.

If she doesn’t want to become another prostitute in a city full of them, Sara must learn to control the beast within. With a hungry wolf to feed and an empty bank account, selling herself to the highest bidder may be the only way she has to prevent becoming a monster driven to eat anything—or anyone—unfortunate enough to cross her path.

Beneath a Blood Moon is a standalone novel in the Witch & Wolf world. For those interested in the timeline, it falls sometime after the events of Inquisitor but before the events in Blood Diamond. (Chronically, Winter Wolf is the first book for all I published it second in the series.)

Beneath a Blood Moon is now available on Amazon!

As , this will be my last release for a while. I’ll be back to posting writing-related material in the next month or so. That part isn’t going to change.

Thanks for reading!

What’s in a Name?

In 2012, I launched my debut book, the Eye of God. Like most debut authors, I was quite proud of the time–I still am, despite its numerous warts and problems. I had a string of editorial issues. I hadn’t found a superb proofing editor at that point. I learned a lot about writing. I’m still learning a lot about writing. I don’t think I’ll ever stop learning about writing.

Each book I write is stronger than the one before it, and I hope this doesn’t change until the day I retire my pen once and for all.

I shared every single step of the process with all of you. I shared every failure and success. I put numbers out there. I discussed how I did what I did and why. I discussed how a failure happened–and what made up a success for me.

When I started my website, my altruistic nature bit me in the ass. I had so many problems finding good information on the internet about establishing a writing career. I didn’t want people to endure the same sort of frustration. I started documenting everything I did, my processes, and how I was struggling to become a writer.

In short, I was connecting with other writers without really reaching readers. This is fine with me–I love working with writers. I love talking with writers. I’m a writer. We’re a very special breed, and supporting each other is so often in our blood.

But, it doesn’t make for commercial success. (Don’t get me wrong, many writers are avid book lovers and readers, but most of us are in my shoes: scraping pennies together to buy cover art and so on.)

In my last post, I declared I was stepping away from working on Requiem for the Rift King and Witch & Wolf–and the Fall of Erelith. I have plans to continue these series, but here’s the thing:

I have built my name hiding my  gender to fit the expectations of a crowd who dosn’t like female writers.

I have built my name and reputation among writers.

I have not built very much for me–for what I want to be.

I want to be a proud woman writing science fiction and fantasy.

RJ Blain isn’t a proud woman. She’s rather genderless, hiding behind a mask hoping to become something she’s not. Forgive the third person for a few minutes–there are two mes I’m discussing here.

I have been working on a pseudonym. No, I’m not saying what the pseudonym is–I will explain later. I have two identities.

RJ Blain is my real name with initials. My pseudonym is actually the author name I originally picked for myself over a decade ago. She’s very obviously a woman–and she’s far more close to a genuine me than ‘RJ Blain’ me. RJ Blain me is afraid of the sad and rabid puppies, because she’s seen their cruelty to other women writing science fiction and fantasy first hand. She’s had run-ins with them herself.

Sad and rabid puppies are too often cruel people. Why? They don’t feel women have any business writing speculative fiction. Some are more vocal about it.

New Me, New and Genuine Me, has only one thing to say to the naysayers:

Go fuck yourselves. I’m a woman, and I’ll write science fiction and fantasy, and I don’t give a fucking shit if you don’t like it. Go cry into your damned beer and choke on it while you’re at it.

RJ Blain me isn’t that brave.

Under my pseudonym, I am shedding out of the old clothes and wearing new ones… and it took me from 2012 to now to develop the skills and confidence to make this move.

My writing skills have dramatically changed from 2012 until now.

What’s in a name, exactly?

Let’s talk about it. What is in my name?

RJ Blain loves helping people. That’s in my name. I didn’t edit for so long for the money, although I used my earnings to help my writing. I love books, and I love people.

Here is what’s in my name, and I’m proud of each and every accomplishment.

The Eye of God
Storm Without End
Inquisitor
Winter Wolf
Storm Surge
Blood Diamond
Tales of the Winter Wolf (Vol 1-5)
Beneath a Blood Moon

In these eight novels are 860,000 (approximate) words of my life. Some of the words are wrong. Some of them could be written better. Some of them are in dire need of grooming. But all of them came from me. All of them I worked hard on, even though they’re imperfect in so many ways.

What’s in my name? These books.

Here’s also what’s in my name, and I’m proud of this, too, for so many difference reasons:

Over twenty authors given a chance to have developmental edits they could afford.
Five years of service in NaNoWriMo as a Municipal Liaison.
Writing Workshops and Panels in the Montreal area.
This website, with all of its warts, information on writing, and general news.

Most of all, I’m proud of my accomplishments, both fiscal and emotional. What’s in my name? There’s a lot of things, and so many of them are good.

As a woman, I’ve been told over and over the same shit. Here’s a list:

Be humble
Keep your head down
Don’t reveal you’re a woman openly
Women can’t do what you’re doing–you want to write like a man.

And I listened, and that was a mistake. I want to be humble, because that is part of who I am. But I should be proud of what I’ve accomplished–and proud of the fact I’m willing to sit down and help others whenever I can.

I may not be writing new books under RJ Blain for a while, but I won’t be abandoning my website. However, I will be writing about my efforts as an entirely new person breaking into a writing career again.

Second chances and all that.

I know a lot of authors have pseudonyms. I also know a lot of them are extremely open about it. If you love my books and want to know who I’m writing as, reach out. I’ll send you the links.

But I am not going to announce it in public. If the identity spreads, I don’t have a problem with this. But, RJ Blain has always been more than just me. In so many ways, my identity as an author, as RJ Blain, has been built by other writers–writers who found this website, found useful information, and wanted to help out.

If only I could really show you how much I have appreciated your help over the years. I really have. Every time someone has come up to me, telling me one of my posts really helped them, it has been a little like a light in the darkness.

As many of you know, I suffer from depression. I control it fairly well, but it’s always there under the surface.

My decision to hide behind my initials makes it worse. It’s not me. It’s not who I really am.

So, while I will be coming back to this name, I will be doing so in a few years, and I will be saying, “Hello. My book titles say RJ Blain, but my name is Rebecca, and I’m pleased to meet you. I’m a woman, and I write science fiction and fantasy.”

I will tackle all of the things I hid face on, and do so with pride.

In the mean time, I am going to let myself out of the cage I built, and I will pursue the stories I never had the courage to tell–until now.

Readers, fans, lovers of books–I haven’t forgotten about you. Without you, I am nothing.

But, I don’t want the writers to feel they have to contribute to me financially because I give away what I’ve learned. That isn’t going to change. The nature of it, however, will. I’ll still be using RJBlain.com as a platform for discussing writing, my process, and what works and doesn’t for me.

The only difference is, the books I discuss will be a bit of a mystery. There won’t be links to the titles. What you will find here is for you, and it will be without obligation.

But What if I want to know?

Among the writers are those who genuinely love my books, my characters, and my worlds.

You’re welcome to join me on my new adventure… but you’ll have to reach out to me. Consider it a scavenger hunt. New Me is out there, somewhere.

Here’s how you can find me:

Use facebook. Find RJ Blain. Confirm it’s me. Send a message and ask. I will tell you–in private.
Use google plus. Send me a post, tag me, and ask. I will tell you–in private.
Use Twitter. Send me a message, and ask. I will tell you–in private.
Finish reading this post and send me an email. We’ll talk.

I’m sure someone will eventually blurt, “RJ Blain is $This Author!”

In public, I will deny, deny, deny… but in private?

You’ll be right.

If you love supporting me as an author because you like me as a person, reach out to me. We’ll talk. If you have questions on my decision, I’m happy to discuss them with you. There are a lot of ways you can help me, if you truly want to. Not because of guilt, not because I begged, and certainly not because you felt an obligation.

I want New Me to have a fresh start, and I want her to share her books with people who just want to love fun stories–without any strings attached.

blain (dot) rj (at) gmail (dot) com

Write me, if you want. And if you don’t… keep enjoying this website. This is for you, and always has been.

Thanks for reading, thanks for writing, and thanks for being my friend.

You mean the world to me.