Susan Thatcher's Blog, page 12

Tooting My Own Horn

I may be thinking like the six year old version of me, but it believe I have written a story (and continue to write, I swear) that is a potential international best seller, even if I did publish it myself (Although the odds are long, it could happen. I have taken the first big step: publication).

I mean, I’m getting reviews like this:

“I am not one for staying up all night reading a book, but I did for this one.”

And…

“The ups and downs that Liz and Ty go through are so real life for so many mature couples these days. “

Or…

“enjoyed every moment of this novel not once but twice! Thanks for a well thought out, well written story!”

I even made a video!

Promo video!

And until August 31, use the coupon code for 50% off at Smashwords.

Death and the Comedian

For anyone out there who sees this and says, “Oh Christ, not another self indulgent blog about Robin Williams dying,” fuck you and go read something else. This is MY space and I can use my little piece of the internet any way I want.

On the off chance that any member of Robin’s family should read this, you have my deepest and most heartfelt sympathies. I never met your father, husband, friend, but I wanted to. I wanted to connect with the warmth and sweetness that lay within him, to find a non-cliched and meaningful way to tell him how much he and his work meant to me, just like millions of other people sitting around this morning staring at a TV or their computer and just blinking because they’ve been dealt an emotional gut punch.

We loved him, too.

The nature of Mr. Williams’ passing has naturally stoked the social media engine. It seems obscene to see “trending” next to stories and comments about him on the Facebook news feed, but then, algorithms are soulless creations. It’s as if they’re encouraging us to be thanatopsical voyeurs, to soak up all the morbid and sordid content we can hold. The Grim Reaper’s Hometown Buffett, as it were.

Part of the the feast are the comments (including some being aired on news programs) about how suicides are “selfish” and “cowards” for taking their own lives and leaving behind people to deal with their grief.

Really? Allow me to rebut from personal experience.

2014 has been the toughest year of my life. In January, I had no job, no money, a hostile roommate who was threatening to throw me out (but keep my bed because she saw some value in it), and no prospects for improvement. My mother had died in September. My immediate family didn’t tell me what was going in (she had liver cancer), didn’t tell me when she died (one of my cousins did that), didn’t tell me when and where the memorial was, didn’t even ask me if I wanted the goddamn pictures of me from the house when they sold it (I did. Still do). I know better than to express interest in anything valuable where this group is concerned. For whatever reason I was completely, deliberately excluded from one of the milestone events of anyone’s life. And the fact that I’m talking about it now tells you how much it still gnaws at me.

I wanted to die. I wanted an end to my considerable pain.

Selfish? Wanting to end pain so bad (whether physical or emotional) so intense it makes life unbearable isn’t selfish. If the sufferer was in the end stages of cancer and took steps to end things, the same people condemning Mr. Williams would be saying things like “He’s out of his pain now.” You can’t always see the effects of emotional pain, but I assure you, they are no less serious than physical agony. I think that there’s an argument to be made for “everybody who has to deal with their grief” crowd being selfish. You want a suffering human being to remain in that state of acute misery so that YOU don’t have to confront pain and loss? Who the fuck are you? News flash: you are not the Center of the Universe and nobody is obliged to arrange his life to suit you and your opinions. However, the thought of giving ammunition to the hostile roommate and various others who would be more than happy to have yet something else on me to bitch about and add to their legend of martyrdom because they’re connected to Susan Thatcher gave me a reason to stay my hand. I have been an emotional trash can for years. Lotta shit got blamed on me, deserved or not.

As for cowardly, I completely disagree (Shep Smith over on Fox News said it). I could, in those pitch black hours, pray for God to take me (and I fucking did), but I lacked the nerve to actually take a proactive step. (I also lacked the means. I don’t believe in prescription meds, don’t own a gun, wasn’t about to open a vein and give the hostile roommate something to bitch about how I had messed up her house, etc.) As much as I love the friends who stepped up and talked me down from the ledge (almost literally),  my hand was stayed in a large part because I could not bring myself to do it.  This ties back to the “live life to please someone else.”  You want to keep another being in intense pain and misery because you think it’s bad form to end it? See previous “who the fuck are you”?

Of all the things said in the last 24 hours, the one that is killing me (and making me cry. I’ll have to take out my contacts now) is the picture I’m using to close. Before I go: Look,  you can talk to me if you want to talk. You can call 1-800-273-8255. That’s the Suicide Prevention Hotline. Whatever you do, I won’t judge. And neither should anyone else.

There are Days and There Are Days

Writing is like any other activity in that some days, your pen (or keyboard) cannot keep up with your racing thoughts. You look up, it’s dark, in fact it’s the wee small hours of the next day, and your cats have gone to bed without you, leaving no space for the human who doesn’t know how to keep decent hours.

You may sleep on the couch, but your novel’s hero is about to confront his greatest, masked enemy whom he doesn’t know is his long lost brother. (Or you may discard that part because you were so tired and brain fried when your wrote it that it’s ridiculous when you’re sane again).

Then, there are the days when you have your nice, hot coffee, you have turned off all distraction,s, seat yourself at your writing space and…

Nothing.

Yup. Your brain has hijacked your cast of characters and pulled a Ferris Bueller. (And your brain says, “Hey! “Ferris Bueller’s on Netflix! Let’s watch it!”) I’ve had days where I’ve gotten bathrooms cleaned, laundry done and solved ten New York Times crossword puzzles, but couldn’t figure out what to write after a character says, “

(No, that wasn’t a typo)

The same goes with writing this blog. There are days where I have a specific point to make or information to share, the there are days where it’s just “Well, I need to put up a post.” Essentially the same as the character saying,”

(Still not a typo)

There is an upcoming topic on established authors bashing us self-published folk. Trust me, there was an uproar on Facebook. But today, I’ll just leave things where they are and end with my usual push to get all y’all to buy my books.

The One Without a Title

It’s time for forgiveness.

If I have genuinely injured or caused you harm , I am sincerely sorry. Very seldom do I intend to set out to harm or use anyone else. If you feel I have wronged you, it was not personal or intentional.  I am sorry.

If you have wronged me, I forgive you. With the objective view that time and distance permits, I realize that your actions were not guided by malice but by ignorance and selfishness. You cannot help who you are. You are forgiven.

I forgive myself for the wrongs I have done. In hindsight, I realize that my actions were driven by fear, ignorance, and desperation. I have learned since then to work from a more positive frame of mind for better results.

I forgive myself for the wrongs I have done to myself. They have sprung from trying to secure friendships from people who just wanted to see me jump through hoops, from attempts to live the life I want, from “I’ll show you” at bad times. I have learned my lesson.

I forgive those who have deliberately wronged me. You damaged things of mine for your own reasons, stole from me, excluded me from important events, and told yourself and others lies about me to further your own interests. I forgive you for demeaning the things I have done for you to support a bond that never really existed. I realize that you were raised to be self-centered, demanding, egotistical, and a hypocrite. I forgive you because you were raised by a narcissist to be the next generation, and have perfected “operational truth.” I forgive you for your buried hostility, competitiveness, and grasping ways. You have to live with yourself. I don’t. I forgive you.

I forgive the manipulators and users I have encountered. It is how you move through life. I will not apologize for realizing what your game was and refusing to play anymore. It is a shame that you lack self-confidence and fear truth to such an extent that you need to portray yourself as victim. While I forgive you, I will not allow you another chance to run your game on me again.

I forgive you for telling the untruth “Well, I did the best that I could.” That was an operational truth. You pursued a selfish course of action that shifted the burden of your duties to others and caused. I forgive you for projecting your insecurities onto me. I forgive you for messing up a healthy self-image because you were unhappy within yourself. You did what was easiest for you regardless of how it affected those around you. You did know better. You just chose the selfish path. I forgive you because in addition to the harm done, you denied it to yourself and others. You are forgiven.

 

i forgive you for using me as a proxy for your duties, as your emotional garbage can, as the means to achieve your ends then breaking promises made to secure my cooperation. Operational truth. I forgive you for not knowing the difference between who was telling the truth and who was telling you what you wanted to hear.  I forgive you for not treating me as you did the others. I am sorry I did not fit the mold you wanted me so desperately to fill to satisfy your ego.  I forgive you and I forgive myself for  ignoring my better instincts to try, unsuccessfully, to,please you. I forgive myself for,the damage I have done to my life in a futile quest to make you happy. I  forgive you for making those demands.

 

and I forgive you for not being the person I thought you were. You have shown yourself to be untrustworthy by all who meet you, a practitioner of operational truth. I am not the only soul stranded in the path of destruction you have left behind you. And there will be more. You have wished your ills upon me and gotten angry when I refused to accept them. I forgive you. Should our paths cross again, I will learn the lesson you taught me; I will keep you at arm’s length.  I forgive you.

BIG ANNOUNCEMENT

Greetings to the 7 or 8 people who actually read this blog and my books (okay, that’s a reverse exaggeration. However, I am not a best seller – yest- so….I’m taking license with the numbers).

and they are 50% off at Smashwords with those magic coupon codes.

I had been working on the prequel to “These Foolish Things” and “At Last” (tentatively titled “The Baldie Chronicles”), but it has been a struggle and not just because of disruptions by real life.  Telling Liz’s story before Ty has been tough.

Meanwhile, not so subtle pressure has been building for a story after “At Last.” I had intended the story to end exactly where it did. My hand to God and and  a notarized affidavit.

Here’s the thing: where a younger Liz wasn’t talking to me very much (you writers of fiction understand), the Liz of my creation WONT SHUT UP. Neither will Millie, Angie, Joey or …Ty. Actually, he just kin fodder sits back and let’s everyone else do the talking. Ty is cool like that.

Yeah, ah, okay, this is how I visualize him.

So, as I write this, I’m sitting in a Starbucks (how stereotypical) researching stroke recovery. And scribbling questions to myself  (the creativity works better with pen and paper). And I have another composition book. And I’m having trouble keeping up what I’m “hearing ” from Liz and friends (WILL YOU PLEASE STOP TALKING OVER EACH OTHER..!?!?!??? JESUS KUH-RIST ALMIGHTY!).

All y’all who said, “I want more!” It’s coming.

“Baldie Chronicles” is on hold.

“Untitled Liz Gardner Project” is underway. (Which means I need to do some changes on the Amazon site listing “At Last” as the third book.)

Je Me Souviens

The title comes from all the Quebec license plates I saw growing up. It means I remember (or zi remind myself).

if you know me personally,you know things have been challenging lately.same for my adopted home of Southern California. I not saying there’s a Fisher King kind of connection (if you saw “Excalibur,” you saw the legend of the Fisher King onscreen. When you weren’t looking at Helen Mirren’s armor-piercing nipples:

nothing like a dame…), but we seem to in sync with droughts. I gave thanks in advance for rain last week, thinking forward to October and a whopping El Niño (which is what we’d need to ease the drought). Lo and behold, we’ve had some unseasonal rain in the last 48 hours. Very, very welcome. So if the state is getting some relief, maybe it’s my turn.

I don’t have the amazing success of Jasinda Wilder or Bella Andre (self-published authors who have sold millions) YET, but those two teasers up there are evidence that I do have two published books.

I remind myself that I have two potentially vey successful properties out and available for sale . I said potentially  very successful because I believe that once the tipping point is reached, they Will be huge hits. Relatable characters, warmth, humor. I digress. I can hold copies in my hand. These aren’t just daydreams while I work at a job that I have just to pay the bills. I have done this. I have written a story. It is not locked in my head (Although the odds are long without a push in the right direction) My books can be found by someone who wants to make them into movies or someone as influential as Oprah could take a shine to them. Long odds, like I said, but not impossible.

I have achieved a lifelong dream.

yeah.

I wanted to be an entertainer for as ling as I can remember.  I wanted to be on “Laugh In” live from Beautiful Downtown Bur. I had to get to California. It took me 40 years, but I got to California. Although I didn’t get here I time to be a regular on Laugh In (nor did an acting career really take off), I was in Beautiful Downtown Burbank this afternoon.

I have achieved two lifelong dreams.

so, while I haven’t manifested (yet) the Prize Patrol on the doorstep with an over sized check or an eccentric billionaire just coming up to hand me $100,000 (wouldn’t that be fun? And in this daydream, he always moves like Stimpy doing “Happy, Happy, Joy, Joy.”), I remind myself that I have the education, skills, and experience for a better job than what I have. Everything after UVM and the first interview with Fidelity Investments was on my initiative. This includes career changes and law school.

I have gotten myself this far. 

You’ re still looking at Helen Mirren’s nipples, aren’t you?

Forward Steps

For those of you paying attention (and looking for a voice over job, perhaps), I have some deal for you.

First off, it’s official. “At Last” is available across all e-reader platforms. To celebrate this milestone, I’m offering 50% off on both books through Smashwords:

 

 Go to Smashwords, use the coupon codes and before you can say supercalifragilisticexpealidocious, you’ve got good books cheap.

 

and if you are inclined to leave review in your wake (Amazon, Goodreads, Smashwords, Barnes &Noble…), please do so.

 

In the words of Vice President Joe Biden, “this is a big fucking deal.” (He really said that to the President when the Affordable Care Act was signed into law. The one the Republicans have voted 52 times to repeal. And are suing the President because he he’s not enforcing some provisions of it).its moving me closer to the tipping point where I may bump into someone one the street with one of my books. With the advent of the e-reader, I’m not likely to see a paperback clutched under the arm, but maybe I’ll be recognized. THAT’S rock star status.

The other “thing” is that the same advances in technology that have gotten me to publish also allow the possibility of converting “These Foolish Things” and “At Last” into audiobooks. I just need vocal talent. And maybe a producer. If you are interested/curious, follow the link.

ACX Narrator Link

When this happens, I think I will pass out in a coma of joy.

So, to recap: half off at Smashwords and YOUR chance to become the next Morgan Freeman.

Ta Da!

Semi big news today.

For starters, “At Last” has been accepted in the Smashwords premium catalog which means that the e-book is not only available through the Smashwords site, but will also be available for purchase through the Barnes & Noble website, Kobo, Page Foundry…

This is cool. This is really cool.

 

Secondly, I just finished uploading samples from both “These Foolish Things” and “At Last” to ACX to POSSIBLY (not a done deal by a long shot) be turned into… AUDIOBOOKS. All my actress friends looking for voice work? Find a producer and audition. I’m serious.

Link to audition for “These Foolish Things”

 

Link to audition for “At Last”

 

I am not a religious person (spiritual, yes, with Protestant – not fundamentalist, Protestant – leanings), but I try to be careful with pride. It is one of the seven deadly sins (along with gluttony, of which I have been accused. By a manipulative control freak who realized I had rejected her influence. That’s a different book). I am happy for my friends and their accomplishments rather than proud of them; to me (and only to me) pride is appropriate when you had a hand in their success, like teaching a kid to ride a bike and the kid goes on to win the Tour de France (without later being stripped of the title for doping). Me being proud, though, can be a highway to arrogance. And arrogance gets me in trouble. So, I am happy and relieved that I have gotten “At Last” to a point where it can be more widely accessed. And given the nonsense I went through to get the samples of the books loaded into ACX (Really. Actress friends: go audition. Be a producer), happy and relieved to have that important first step behind me.

All in all, a good day.

 

Me! Me! Me!

Today’s post is all about self-promotion. I will be adding a page so that the two or three of you that read this can actually come see me at upcoming signing events and (respectfully , politely, not in a creepy way) stalk me.

My Goodreads author profile:

Susan Thatcher on Goodreads

now has answers to questions. I’m interactive. Try me out.

I’ve finally compromised with my iPad (I won’t ask it to act like a computer and it will let email documents). I made two teasers for the books.

You’re right! There’s only one. Keep reading.

I’m working on making “At Last” available on multiple e-book platforms. Not yet a done deal (part of the iPad limitation issue). When it is cleared through the Smashwords Premium catalog, you’ll be able to get it through Nook, Kobo, and ITunes. THAT’s when I’ll post the “At Last” teaser in this space. I don’t want to confuse and irritate potential readers. Not over this anyway.

The paperbacks are available for order through Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Powell’s, Amazon UK, Vromans, and Diesel. Or the “Buy It Now” link upstairs.

Forward progress. Baby steps, but they’re going forward.

Time to Get My Gemini On

No pictures in this one. Mario, my laptop, finally went to the Best Buy In The Sky, and since my experience with adding photos on this iPad has been “add photo, process stops dead.” So, no pictures.

I am a Windows girl (and yes, I hear the chorus of jeers from the MacSnobs out there). Trying to.navigate my way through iOS And its advantages, quirks, and limitations has severely trusted my patience and frustration threshold. Windows? No sweat. I may grind my teeth and curse Bill Gates at some of the “improvements” added to ne’er versions, but on the whole, I manage to stumble through without committing mayhem.  IPad? Argh!

Why, ay, oh why, does it think that the ONLY thing I could possibly want to attach or upload would be pictures ? What about resumes? Sections of writing? Terse replies to idiots? I’m working with the ACX sited right now to submit “These Foolish Things” and “At Last” to be made into audiobooks (YES. you can do that through Amazon. Cool, huh?). Okay. Fine. How do I get the samples from Dropbox uploaded into the site when iPad asks me if I want to upload from my camera roll?

Ayieee.

i downloaded something called an uploaded and we’ll see if that helps.

Ive been watching “American Ninja Warriors” and those guys (and gals. Kacy Catanzaro is amazing) have to figure out how to use what they have. Tonight, the Venice final included an obstacle called “Cannonball Alley” which had the contestants falling from it like monkeys off a greased pole. Drunk monkeys.. It was 3 balls strung at intervals , increasing in size. Guys were making it past the first and second balls, but couldn’t solve the third, largest ball. The first man to make it through swung himself while clinging to the second ball, grabbed the third ball with his legs, and then flipped to the mats on the other side of the obstacle.

Thinking outside the box.

and that’s what I need to do.