Mechelle Morrison's Blog: in a world where ...., page 5
September 4, 2016
Change is a virus
Good morning Goodreaders!
This post is a bit long, but sometimes I've just got to share ...
My daughter has come through three very rough years. I can say 'come through' with confidence because lately, she's been able to verbalize just how deeply she has changed. Her words are incredible, beautiful moments that I've seen manifest in her actions and attitude for a while now. It's good to hear her acknowledge out loud the changes I've seen building in her mind and spirit.
Here's the back story.
When my daughter was in middle school she became caught up in 'hating on the prep kids.' (Utah vernacular: Prep = super-popular Mormon kids). My daughter's opinions grew increasingly negative in the seventh grade, which led to some very hateful feelings. Until I experienced this with my daughter, I hadn't really thought about how hate is a virus ... you let it into one facet of your thinking and pretty soon it has infected your entire world view.
My daughter is a deeply intelligent perfectionist. She's smarter than I was at her age and I'm hear to tell you, raising people who are brighter than you are has it's challenges. But her intelligence didn't save her from the common middle-school problem of loosing sight of her self-esteem. With her eyes and opinions on others, her struggle became judgment (an expression of hate, IMHO). She spent a lot of time judging others for being 'goof-off, stupid Mormon social climbers,' (as she put it). And maybe because she's smart, her judgements began to spread from her peers to the behavior of the world at large.
I bring all of this into the conversation because? Well, three years ago, when her attitude did a swan dive into the judge-others hate pool, I had choices to make. Ultimately, I decided I would drain the pool water and refill it without her 'noticing.' But we had about six unhappy months of fighting, arguing and yelling before I came to my conclusion.
My 'conclusion' happened one night, as I tossed and turned and couldn't sleep. A thought came: Hey! I'm the adult here. So I'll do the adult thing and take full responsibility for the problem. My kid is still a kid. Emotional. Immature. I'll let her off the hook entirely and start from scratch.
It was breakthrough #1 (for me). I chose not to argue anymore: arguing is negative, and too easily turns hateful. When I slipped up and fell into an argument I owned it and apologized. At the same time, I chose to re-face my own frustrations connected with living in Utah. (I grew up in Utah, and my husband is from New Mexico.) But Utah can be tough for people outside the culture--especially kids in the public schools--because the Mormon culture IS Utah's culture. My daughter's troubles began with that frustration, had turned bitter and hateful, and were spreading into everything.
Realizing this was my 'foot in the door.'
Breakthrough #2! I accepted that my opinions of Utah reflected an "us vs. them" mentality. US vs. THEM, I decided, is the root of hate. It's the seed of every war. Every kind of racism. Every divisive concept in religion and politics and anything else I can imagine ....
So I decided to call US vs THEM what I believe it is: blaming one's own insecurities and problems on something other than the cause of the said-insecurities and problems. (Um, namely, one's-self.}
Life happens. Good, bad, up and down. Preps. Non-preps. We can't control it. We lose our jobs. Sometimes divorce. Get shunned by the neighbors. BUT ... we have complete control over our reaction to life. We don't have to gossip, judge, hate, criticize, cheat, steal or get drunk with depression. We are the only person in the driver's seat of our actions and feelings.
Breakthrough #3! This was a light-bulb moment that gave me numerous, tear-filled hours in the bathroom. Then, because tears are a great stress relief but really don't change anything, I decided the best way to combat my daughter's hate train was actually quite simple: Respect. And the best way to teach it? BE IT. Through my actions and words, I would teach her that she deserves to respect herself, to be respected and to respect others.
It took time because I had to change ME as I helped my daughter change HERSELF. I owned that my comments had planted the negativity seed in my child. Owning it inspired me to change it. Slowly, I changed the way I reacted to things. I became more aware of how sometimes, I make comments about other people's lifestyles and politics and religion that are negative.
I focused on GOOD CHANGE. I adopted the 'if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all' policy for my opinions--even at home with my husband. (Wow, that is difficult!) I acted on 'do unto others as you'd have done to you' philosophy. I got more involved in my daughter's world. I came to know some of the 'preps' so that I could help my daughter understand that Preps Are People Too. My daughter and I did some therapy together. We focused on who she is, who she wants to be, and how she has a place in the world. Just like everyone else.
As it turns out, change is a virus.
The results are astounding ... and not just in my daughter. To varying degrees, focusing on respect has changed everyone in my family, and in truth, everyone with whom I associate.
My experience was an awesome lesson in self-control, self-respect and self-love. It has changed the direction of my family's life in countless ways, large and small. I write about it now in hope that by sharing this corner of my personal story, the beauty of the experience will spread to you, too.
Share the best of who you are, Goodreaders,
M
This post is a bit long, but sometimes I've just got to share ...
My daughter has come through three very rough years. I can say 'come through' with confidence because lately, she's been able to verbalize just how deeply she has changed. Her words are incredible, beautiful moments that I've seen manifest in her actions and attitude for a while now. It's good to hear her acknowledge out loud the changes I've seen building in her mind and spirit.
Here's the back story.
When my daughter was in middle school she became caught up in 'hating on the prep kids.' (Utah vernacular: Prep = super-popular Mormon kids). My daughter's opinions grew increasingly negative in the seventh grade, which led to some very hateful feelings. Until I experienced this with my daughter, I hadn't really thought about how hate is a virus ... you let it into one facet of your thinking and pretty soon it has infected your entire world view.
My daughter is a deeply intelligent perfectionist. She's smarter than I was at her age and I'm hear to tell you, raising people who are brighter than you are has it's challenges. But her intelligence didn't save her from the common middle-school problem of loosing sight of her self-esteem. With her eyes and opinions on others, her struggle became judgment (an expression of hate, IMHO). She spent a lot of time judging others for being 'goof-off, stupid Mormon social climbers,' (as she put it). And maybe because she's smart, her judgements began to spread from her peers to the behavior of the world at large.
I bring all of this into the conversation because? Well, three years ago, when her attitude did a swan dive into the judge-others hate pool, I had choices to make. Ultimately, I decided I would drain the pool water and refill it without her 'noticing.' But we had about six unhappy months of fighting, arguing and yelling before I came to my conclusion.
My 'conclusion' happened one night, as I tossed and turned and couldn't sleep. A thought came: Hey! I'm the adult here. So I'll do the adult thing and take full responsibility for the problem. My kid is still a kid. Emotional. Immature. I'll let her off the hook entirely and start from scratch.
It was breakthrough #1 (for me). I chose not to argue anymore: arguing is negative, and too easily turns hateful. When I slipped up and fell into an argument I owned it and apologized. At the same time, I chose to re-face my own frustrations connected with living in Utah. (I grew up in Utah, and my husband is from New Mexico.) But Utah can be tough for people outside the culture--especially kids in the public schools--because the Mormon culture IS Utah's culture. My daughter's troubles began with that frustration, had turned bitter and hateful, and were spreading into everything.
Realizing this was my 'foot in the door.'
Breakthrough #2! I accepted that my opinions of Utah reflected an "us vs. them" mentality. US vs. THEM, I decided, is the root of hate. It's the seed of every war. Every kind of racism. Every divisive concept in religion and politics and anything else I can imagine ....
So I decided to call US vs THEM what I believe it is: blaming one's own insecurities and problems on something other than the cause of the said-insecurities and problems. (Um, namely, one's-self.}
Life happens. Good, bad, up and down. Preps. Non-preps. We can't control it. We lose our jobs. Sometimes divorce. Get shunned by the neighbors. BUT ... we have complete control over our reaction to life. We don't have to gossip, judge, hate, criticize, cheat, steal or get drunk with depression. We are the only person in the driver's seat of our actions and feelings.
Breakthrough #3! This was a light-bulb moment that gave me numerous, tear-filled hours in the bathroom. Then, because tears are a great stress relief but really don't change anything, I decided the best way to combat my daughter's hate train was actually quite simple: Respect. And the best way to teach it? BE IT. Through my actions and words, I would teach her that she deserves to respect herself, to be respected and to respect others.
It took time because I had to change ME as I helped my daughter change HERSELF. I owned that my comments had planted the negativity seed in my child. Owning it inspired me to change it. Slowly, I changed the way I reacted to things. I became more aware of how sometimes, I make comments about other people's lifestyles and politics and religion that are negative.
I focused on GOOD CHANGE. I adopted the 'if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all' policy for my opinions--even at home with my husband. (Wow, that is difficult!) I acted on 'do unto others as you'd have done to you' philosophy. I got more involved in my daughter's world. I came to know some of the 'preps' so that I could help my daughter understand that Preps Are People Too. My daughter and I did some therapy together. We focused on who she is, who she wants to be, and how she has a place in the world. Just like everyone else.
As it turns out, change is a virus.
The results are astounding ... and not just in my daughter. To varying degrees, focusing on respect has changed everyone in my family, and in truth, everyone with whom I associate.
My experience was an awesome lesson in self-control, self-respect and self-love. It has changed the direction of my family's life in countless ways, large and small. I write about it now in hope that by sharing this corner of my personal story, the beauty of the experience will spread to you, too.
Share the best of who you are, Goodreaders,
M
August 22, 2016
the MIGRAINE from HELL
I had planned to blog yesterday but alack. Torturous migraine. I had the same plan for today. And I still have a migraine.
But here goes.
My great-grandmother suffered migraine (probably all my ancestor-women on my mother's side did, but that's as far back as I have hard data). Great-Grams used to lie down and smear mustard seed goo all over her face, in hopes that the uncomfortable burn of mustard seed on her flesh would distract her from the pulsing knot of her brain freaking out. That's how the story goes, anyway, and I buy it.
My grandmother just hid in the basement.
My mother lies down with a warm wash-cloth over her eyes.
Me? I complain. I groan. I drink water, call the Bat, and carry on. I hate migraines, so I fight them. Yesterday I couldn't bear to look at a computer screen, so today must be better because here I am .... though I'm gritting my teeth, now that I think about it.
Time for Excedrine ... or crushed mustard seed. Whatever I find first.
Read on, Goodreaders,
M
But here goes.
My great-grandmother suffered migraine (probably all my ancestor-women on my mother's side did, but that's as far back as I have hard data). Great-Grams used to lie down and smear mustard seed goo all over her face, in hopes that the uncomfortable burn of mustard seed on her flesh would distract her from the pulsing knot of her brain freaking out. That's how the story goes, anyway, and I buy it.
My grandmother just hid in the basement.
My mother lies down with a warm wash-cloth over her eyes.
Me? I complain. I groan. I drink water, call the Bat, and carry on. I hate migraines, so I fight them. Yesterday I couldn't bear to look at a computer screen, so today must be better because here I am .... though I'm gritting my teeth, now that I think about it.
Time for Excedrine ... or crushed mustard seed. Whatever I find first.
Read on, Goodreaders,
M
July 29, 2016
Oh, hello :-)
If you've ever waited on an editorial evaluation, then you already know that (a) you lose sleep and (b) you lose a certain percentage of your natural hair color and (c) you drive your family members insane. Then the evaluation lands in your in-box, light as a freaking feather, and the world rights itself like a corked bottle bobbing in warm seas.
It's a thumbs-up evaluation, and I'm thrilled. I've been writing everyday now for ten years solid. Through two major surgeries (and let me tell you, it's never fun to wake up to find your surgeon staring into your drug-hazed eyes while stating flatly, "I have no idea how you are still alive.")
I've written despite an oft-depressing day job. Through the ups and downs and crazy insanity of teenage-girl angst. Through weight gain, my husband's current life crisis (he just bought himself a new KTM), through falling stars and rising stock markets and my new-found obsession with Instagram and the ever-increasing cracks in our plaster (thank you, Yellowstone Caldera).
I write because I have to write. It's just that simple. I have all these stories in my head and they want voice and though I'm as far from perfect as the moon is from Pluto, I write my stories down as best I can. But I've gotta say, it brings tears to my eyes to have someone in the know read my latest WIP and from the first paragraph say: "I'm hooked."
More later, Goodreaders. I shouldn't have mentioned tears because now I need a dang tissue.
M
It's a thumbs-up evaluation, and I'm thrilled. I've been writing everyday now for ten years solid. Through two major surgeries (and let me tell you, it's never fun to wake up to find your surgeon staring into your drug-hazed eyes while stating flatly, "I have no idea how you are still alive.")
I've written despite an oft-depressing day job. Through the ups and downs and crazy insanity of teenage-girl angst. Through weight gain, my husband's current life crisis (he just bought himself a new KTM), through falling stars and rising stock markets and my new-found obsession with Instagram and the ever-increasing cracks in our plaster (thank you, Yellowstone Caldera).
I write because I have to write. It's just that simple. I have all these stories in my head and they want voice and though I'm as far from perfect as the moon is from Pluto, I write my stories down as best I can. But I've gotta say, it brings tears to my eyes to have someone in the know read my latest WIP and from the first paragraph say: "I'm hooked."
More later, Goodreaders. I shouldn't have mentioned tears because now I need a dang tissue.
M
June 10, 2016
Greetings, Goodreaders
It's been a while, so let's catch up. My daughter graduated the 9th grade. Yay! Our basement flooded, twice. Boo. It's summer and we're going to Canada for a few weeks. Yay! Our shower door fell off its hinges this morning, revealing kaka mold. Boo. (My poor husband, actually. He's the one who had to deal with it.)
And I have to say, it's been hair-ripping hardship to bring my current WIP to the finish line. But I've just sent it off to the editors. So now I bite my nails, and wait.
I love this story like the second child I never had. Which is good in a way ... it has a sequel, so I get to stay with the characters as they live out their fates. But it's bad, too. I mean, my husband and daughter are ready to wring every one of my character's fictional necks. Said characters take up a lot of my time.
It's that this story has such adventure. Such romance. So many crushed dreams and wondrous surprises and scary twists. I try to explain to my family how sometimes, escaping into my imaginary world is the most fabulous place to be, ever. They don't get it (which I understand, I mean they are dang fabulous themselves)!!
But anyone who loves to cuddle up with a good book knows exactly what I mean.
Read on, Goodreaders!
M
And I have to say, it's been hair-ripping hardship to bring my current WIP to the finish line. But I've just sent it off to the editors. So now I bite my nails, and wait.
I love this story like the second child I never had. Which is good in a way ... it has a sequel, so I get to stay with the characters as they live out their fates. But it's bad, too. I mean, my husband and daughter are ready to wring every one of my character's fictional necks. Said characters take up a lot of my time.
It's that this story has such adventure. Such romance. So many crushed dreams and wondrous surprises and scary twists. I try to explain to my family how sometimes, escaping into my imaginary world is the most fabulous place to be, ever. They don't get it (which I understand, I mean they are dang fabulous themselves)!!
But anyone who loves to cuddle up with a good book knows exactly what I mean.
Read on, Goodreaders!
M
April 26, 2016
Ramblings of a life-long sci-fi freak
I wouldn't really want to meet an alien. Not that I know that I haven't already. Though I'll admit, if aliens are here, it's probably just in robot form. I mean it's not like we sent people to Mars on the first try.....
Since I'm sci-fi nostalgic today my ramble continues on mechellemorrisonbooks.blogspot.com. You can blame Bucky meets Lukey for all of this, you know.
:-)
M
P.S. Bucky meets Lukey posted on @hamillhimself this afternoon
Since I'm sci-fi nostalgic today my ramble continues on mechellemorrisonbooks.blogspot.com. You can blame Bucky meets Lukey for all of this, you know.
:-)
M
P.S. Bucky meets Lukey posted on @hamillhimself this afternoon
April 24, 2016
On Disasters ....
Hello Goodreaders,
I'm writing a disaster chapter today, and it's got me thinking on some of the great reasons why I love living in the western U.S. Here are my top-5.
1. Four fabulous seasons. Cold but not endless winters, hot but not endlessly hot summers.
2. Winter = bug control. Insects can't grow too big or too hairy or too creepy.
3. Mother nature is disaster-efficient. Instead of tornadoes and hurricanes every summer, we have major earthquakes every 500 to 1000 years. (With lots of little rumbles in between.)
4. When the Yellowstone caldera blows, we'll all go with it. The rest of the planet will have to battle it out as a 10,000-year nuclear winter descends.
5. Economically speaking, you can't really beat the Wasatch Front or Boise, Idaho when it comes to combining employment opportunities+access to great nature+ reasonably mellow and friendly people.
Read on!
M
I'm writing a disaster chapter today, and it's got me thinking on some of the great reasons why I love living in the western U.S. Here are my top-5.
1. Four fabulous seasons. Cold but not endless winters, hot but not endlessly hot summers.
2. Winter = bug control. Insects can't grow too big or too hairy or too creepy.
3. Mother nature is disaster-efficient. Instead of tornadoes and hurricanes every summer, we have major earthquakes every 500 to 1000 years. (With lots of little rumbles in between.)
4. When the Yellowstone caldera blows, we'll all go with it. The rest of the planet will have to battle it out as a 10,000-year nuclear winter descends.
5. Economically speaking, you can't really beat the Wasatch Front or Boise, Idaho when it comes to combining employment opportunities+access to great nature+ reasonably mellow and friendly people.
Read on!
M
April 14, 2016
Fish
"There are these two young fish swimming along and they happen to meet an older fish swimming the other way, who nods at them and says 'Morning, boys. How's the water?' And the two young fish swim on for a bit, and then eventually one of them looks over at the other and goes 'What the hell is water?'"
An excerpt from David Foster Wallace as quoted by Charles Duhigg in The Power of Habit.
An excerpt from David Foster Wallace as quoted by Charles Duhigg in The Power of Habit.
April 6, 2016
BOW: Stardust
So you know when you come to the end of a book and you are super-sad that it is the end of the book? That's how it was for me when I finished Stardust, by Neil Gaiman.
Crazy, how I didn't even know this book existed until one day last week I found it in the sci-fi section of our library.
I thought the story started a bit slow, but I didn't mind. It has great characters, a fresh take on magic, and a creative view of stars. (Pretty much anything that involves or comes from outer space works for me. Unless it's super-gross.) So if you want a quick escape, Stardust may be for you ...
... But. Be warned. It has a few adult scenes (!! IKR !! For some reason I didn't associate 'adult scenes' with Neil Gaiman. I kept thinking 'whoa. is this going where I think this is going?' Sure enough, it did). Anyway, if you're under 18 I have to admonish: run it by your mom first. I mean, I'm sure my teenager runs everything by me before she views/reads/listens or whatevers. Just like I did with my mother :-)
Read on, Goodreaders,
M
Crazy, how I didn't even know this book existed until one day last week I found it in the sci-fi section of our library.
I thought the story started a bit slow, but I didn't mind. It has great characters, a fresh take on magic, and a creative view of stars. (Pretty much anything that involves or comes from outer space works for me. Unless it's super-gross.) So if you want a quick escape, Stardust may be for you ...
... But. Be warned. It has a few adult scenes (!! IKR !! For some reason I didn't associate 'adult scenes' with Neil Gaiman. I kept thinking 'whoa. is this going where I think this is going?' Sure enough, it did). Anyway, if you're under 18 I have to admonish: run it by your mom first. I mean, I'm sure my teenager runs everything by me before she views/reads/listens or whatevers. Just like I did with my mother :-)
Read on, Goodreaders,
M
April 2, 2016
A sample week from the year of mystique
-If you're interested in 16 minutes of sheer quirkiness, watch "World of Tomorrow" (on Netflix, directed by Don Hertzfeldt). You'll laugh.
-My daughter would like us to become Buddhists. I'm looking into it.
-I posted the first 10 pages of my new manuscript to its own blog: alien221.blogspot.com. Love of aliens + love of Sherlock = alien221.
-My husband would like to get a Norwegian Elk Hound. I'm looking into it.
-I stayed up until 1:30 last night watching Ex Machina and then had nightmares. I mean, who wants their creations to stab them in the back?
-Lizard guano and family parties make for a lively mix. I'm no longer looking into getting a lizard.
-I'm reading The Power of Habit (Charles Duhigg). I wanted to know why we do what we do.
Read on, Goodreaders,
M
-My daughter would like us to become Buddhists. I'm looking into it.
-I posted the first 10 pages of my new manuscript to its own blog: alien221.blogspot.com. Love of aliens + love of Sherlock = alien221.
-My husband would like to get a Norwegian Elk Hound. I'm looking into it.
-I stayed up until 1:30 last night watching Ex Machina and then had nightmares. I mean, who wants their creations to stab them in the back?
-Lizard guano and family parties make for a lively mix. I'm no longer looking into getting a lizard.
-I'm reading The Power of Habit (Charles Duhigg). I wanted to know why we do what we do.
Read on, Goodreaders,
M
March 27, 2016
new WIP: aliens and more
Hi,
I've posted the first chapter from my current WIP on my blog. The story is about aliens and dinosaurs and love (my three favorite subjects, though not in that order!) Here's the 'elevator pitch:'
"A hundred million years ago a space ship landed on ground that would one day become Vernal, Utah. Infested by dinosaurs and its mission unfulfilled, the ship was given up for lost … until the night Maya Norris, with sixteen thrill-seeking peers, sneaks into a paleo dig-site headed by her mother."
Read on, Goodreaders!
M
I've posted the first chapter from my current WIP on my blog. The story is about aliens and dinosaurs and love (my three favorite subjects, though not in that order!) Here's the 'elevator pitch:'
"A hundred million years ago a space ship landed on ground that would one day become Vernal, Utah. Infested by dinosaurs and its mission unfulfilled, the ship was given up for lost … until the night Maya Norris, with sixteen thrill-seeking peers, sneaks into a paleo dig-site headed by her mother."
Read on, Goodreaders!
M
