Ava Miles's Blog, page 8

Happiness is Doing What Makes You Happy

You might be thinking, isn’t doing what makes you happy a given? Is Ava having a moment or something?

I’ve realized something interesting about we complex human beings: we often know what makes us happy, but we don’t do it.

Case in point. I recently started taking dance classes again. I have done this at various stages throughout my life with stops and starts. I began with the tango, a dance I have always wanted to learn, and then moved to the rhumba. This resurgence of dance in my life has reminded me how much I love it. Dancing makes me happier than I can express. It’s euphoric!

So, why did I stop? Why did I stay away from it?

I’ve talked to other people recently about this conundrum. When I asked them if there’s something they aren’t doing, they usually can name at least one thing. This passion, I will call it, isn’t being pursued by some story the person is telling themselves. I don’t have enough time, money, a partner to do it with, the talent, etc. etc.

You know what I’m talking about, right?

I had some excuse for not dancing before, but now that I am back to it, grinning for the entire evening as I whirl around the floor, I have made a commitment to myself to live my life from a place of passion.

Because what I am passionate about will likely bring me happiness.

What about you? What makes you happy? Are you doing it? Is it part of your daily life or some ephemeral experience you give yourself every once in a while?

Make the Happiness Commitment with me, start doing it today, and watch your entire life change. I know mine has.

 

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Happiness is Mentors

When I worked at the old day job, I had the privilege of working under one of finest men around. He was the vice president of our division, and I was his deputy. We worked together with great complimentarity for almost six years. Our team was like family, and I learned so much from simply observing him, being around him, being able to ask him questions, or have him review a short draft when I needed a second look or flat out wasn’t sure of the answer.

Being a small business owner now, essentially my own publisher, has presented a challenge I hadn’t expected. Who would mentor me when I didn’t know what to do or suggest a possible course correction they knew was needed due to their greater experience? I’ve been able to find lots of mentors in my writing life—the incredible Mary Blayney changed my life, and Diane Gaston taught me so much about how to write a synopsis. But being a publisher? Well…

That’s been another story. Books and Internet research just arent’t enough. But you know me. I am all about calling in the right people, places, ideas, events, and opportunities for my highest good. And on the wings of an eagle came a mentor this week in the form of the lovely author, Christine Nolfi. She’s her own publisher too and has a lot more experience than I do. I’ve spent the last month really digging into where I am nearly nine months after I published NORA ROBERTS LAND. If there’s one thing I know how to do, it’s strategize. But you also need the tools and the information, so I posed a question to the other wonderful Indie writers in an online community, and guess who showed up as a mentor in that moment? You’ve got it. Christine Nolfi.

Happiness is mentors!

We all need mentors in our lives. I truly believe in every moment we are both student and teacher to each other, sometimes it might just be one more than the other depending on the role we’re playing. There’s this enormous social allusion about adults having to know all the answers, right? After all, many of us are raising kids, making big financial decisions about our future, and even running important projects at work. But the truth is that we don’t always have the answers, and we need help.

Hence, mentoring. Take a moment to think back on all of the people who helped you along the way, and all the ones in your life right now. You might even want to say thank you; I know I am sending this blog post to my old boss just to say it again. And thank you, Christine Nolfi, for being one of the most amazing mentors to me as a publishing executive. And know I will pay it forward when it’s my time. That’s the secret of true mentoring.

Lots of blessings, everyone!

 

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Happiness Is Being Spontaneous

Being spontaneous seems to be a facet of ourselves we don’t use as often as when we’re a kid jumping in that puddle because it seems fun, having no thought of how wet our shoes will get or how upset our mom may be.

But being spontaneous is one of the keys to happiness.

Even though I was finishing up a new book, this past week, I decided last minute to throw a party to celebrate St. Patrick’s Day. My family is Irish, from a small town that boasts to be the Irish capitol of the state, so we always celebrate it up. I wanted to do something fun with other authors like throw a Facebook party and talk about our favorite Irish actors and holiday memories. And it was a blast.

But the other thing I decided to do was to put NORA ROBERTS LAND, my first book, on sale to celebrate the holiday. Just for one day.

The luck of the Irish was with me because I couldn’t have imagined the abundance that poured forth. The book started selling like Irish hot cakes, and there I landed on the charts on Amazon next to JD Robb and Debbie Macomber. Holy moly!

You see, just like that little kid jumping in puddles (which I used to do all the time by the way), I knew that having a party and celebrating St. Patrick’s Day was going to make me happy. And I wanted to share that happiness by reducing my book to less than a dollar. Imagine that! Working on a book for over a year and then selling it for less than a dollar. Sometimes commercialism is incredible when you think of it like that.

But I was happy to share my joy, really, and look what happened. It spread. It was contagious.

All because I decided to be spontaneous, follow my guidance, and do something special and fun.

What is your “puddle?” The area in your life that you know will make you happy if you just jump into it? And what stops you? Is it all that head chatter about the work involved or the consequences?

Take a minute this week. Maybe stick your toe in the puddle or throw a rock in it to create a splash. Whatever it is, discover the happiness from being spontaneous. You won’t regret it!

 

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Happiness is Not Having to Earn “It”

Have you ever felt like you were that Greek god pushing the boulder up the hill over and over again? Just when you think you’ve reached flat ground, you hit another incline. It’s a constant state of having to earn whatever it is you are doing. And I don’t just mean working hard. I mean the part of our lives where we feel like we have to work hard to “earn” something good, something lasting, something sustaining.

This week I had another reminder of the incredible happiness that comes from not having to earn anything. Just having that magical moment arrive when you receive spontaneous, surprising abundance right out of the blue. I was informed this week that my debut novel, NORA ROBERTS LAND, and my second book, FRENCH ROAST, were both nominated for the Reward of Novel Excellence awards. That’s two books nominated in two separate categories. We are talking serious happy dance.

And do you know what?

I didn’t even know this review committee knew about me. I had no idea they had my first two books. I was like, heck ya! 

Now, granted I had worked my butt off on these books, especially the second one, which has been the hardest to write. So in some ways I earned it. But not really. This news just arrived, and it couldn’t have made me happier.

How often are we pushing to make something happen only to have it never arrive? Moments like this teach me about grace. That beautiful word is all about receiving something you didn’t earn. I love grace! Join with me this very minute and call more into your life.

Who wants to “earn” everything? Not me. That’s exhausting.

So, take a minute right now and think about all the areas in your life where you are trying to earn something. I’m doing it as we speak. Isn’t the list a bit longer than you…ah…might have expected? We’re earning in our jobs, our relationships…even with ourselves. Have you ever gifted yourself with food after doing something tough? Earning.

Let’s all agree to take a few items on our list and stop the earning. Allow the grace to come in. Rest in the knowledge we are supported by forces we can’t see and that things are happening even if we can’t see the buds bursting through the ground yet.

Let’s all agree to give happiness some room starting right now.

 

 

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Happiness Is Stopping

Some of you may have realized that I didn’t write a blog last week. I had family arrive, was feeling rushed, and had that moment of decision: do I keep the madness going or do I say STOP?

Happiness is stopping. For once.

It’s so easy to get into the busyness of life, isn’t it? All of the daily tasks, errands, and dare I add? obligations. Why don’t we give ourselves permission to stop more? I had to ask myself last week: really, what’s the worst thing that could happen if I missed one week writing The Happiness Corner? Isn’t the whole point of The Happiness Corner to be happy? Jeez! And here I was trying to fit it in. Push it. Rush it.

Sound familiar? Can I hear an Amen?

How often do we say or hear others say, “I’m just crazy busy. Don’t get enough sleep. Never have enough time.” Why don’t we all STOP? 

I think the pre-school teachers were onto something when they came up with the whole “time out” thing. But I want to flip it on its head. Instead of “punishing” ourselves by taking a time out for bad behavior, why don’t we honor ourselves instead? Just stop for one second, one minute, one hour, one day, or in my case, one week. Just stop.

We don’t do it enough. 

So, I’m putting it out there. Happiness is stopping. I had a brilliant evening with my visiting family and didn’t give the delayed blog post another thought. What could you “stop” doing right now? What could be delayed, delegated, or even kicked to the curb? 

Join with me right now. Just stop. Take a breath. And make a new choice.

After the relief comes, I’ll bet you’ll start feeling happier right away.

 

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Happiness is Celebration

Celebrating life isn’t something we do often enough. I recently took an evening to really celebrate how far I have come in my new writing career this past Saturday, and we went all out with a grand meal. We former chefs love to eat, and I decided to really go for it with a special cocktail called The Original Millionaire (calling in that one), poached lobster (been years), and a street food I discovered in Mexico when I was doing mission work on the border called churros.

Happiness is celebration.

There’s just no denying it. But what about when we feel like things aren’t going well? Can we take a moment to step back and celebrate one little thing, however small we think it is?

When I was in my mid-twenties, I had a serious illness, and one thing it taught me was to celebrate more often. I decided I wasn’t going to wait for something I considered truly momentous. If I was having a great day and felt happy, I was going to celebrate it. If I had done something that was really hard for me, like speaking my truth in a relationship for the first time, well, I was going to celebrate that too. It could be with a special treat for myself, anything from my favorite custard ice cream in our neighborhood to a glass of champagne. Having champagne, one of my favorites, just because is a powerful way to celebrate. We don’t pop the bubbly as often as we might since we reserve that magical elixir for special moments. Well, I decided I wanted more bubbles in my life, wanted to live more effervescently, so it comes out more often now.

And it makes me happy.

How often do you celebrate yourself? Celebrate that you’re here and alive and are doing the best you can? I know growing up, I didn’t even know what that meant. I’m glad I’ve learned it now.

We often find it so easy to celebrate something in another, their new job, their success, their engagement. But when it comes to us… Well, we don’t want to turn the spotlight on ourselves.

And we should. We all matter, and celebrating that we are here is celebrating the whole human race when you think about it. We really do all matter, and so when I raise my glass now, I often toast everybody. We’re all here for a reason, doing what’s in front of us. That counts.

So, when was the last time you truly celebrated yourself? And if it’s been a while, do something nice for yourself. I’ll be toasting you when I next raise my glass.

 

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Happiness is Online Love Connections

Happiness is Online Love Connections

Well, happy Valentine’s Day to all my Happiness Corner friends. It seems fitting to be talking about online love connections today.

And before you go there, I am not talking about “those” love connections although I’m quite happy if that’s how people meet the one they’re celebrating this holiday with.

I’m talking about other online connections, the ones in which there’s a kindness and a caring, dare I say it?, the most human sense of connection: love. What the Greeks called agape love. The love that comes in community and is of the spirit.

Until last May when I left my old career, I wasn’t on any social media platforms for security reasons. I certainly wasn’t on Facebook or Twitter, but I am now. I headed off into these vast online communities with some hesitation. Did I really want to be “out” there? And if I went out there, what awaited me? I’m the kind of person who likes to have intimate dinner parties, quiet one-on-one lunches, coffee with friends, and long phone conversations. Those venues suit my need for meaningful connection, what I call community or agape love.

When I first came online, I really didn’t know the mechanics of posting and such. I’d have to call my siblings and ask them how to do this and do that. Soon, I had the particulars down. Then I struggled with what to say. I wasn’t raised to really put myself out there, so this whole, talking about myself and posting pictures about me and my life was well…disconcerting. And what in the world would be the reception?

For a while, I wasn’t sure what to make of it all. This whole numbers game of how many FB friends, Page Likes, and Twitter followers seemed to detract from the true meaning of connection to me. Numbers have never mattered in my friendships. It’s always about quality. And yet, here I was, surrounded in this new place where I started to feel the pressure of the numbers…and then had to ask an even bigger question: was there any true meaning to any of it? Was I really creating a community? A place of love, happiness, and inspiration like I want in all of my communities?

Then a dear writer friend, Katy Regnery, told me something about Facebook. She said it was like having a conversation on the front porch whereas Twitter was like a raucous party. Perhaps you’ve heard these comparisons before, but I hadn’t, and I am forever grateful to Katy for sharing them with me.

With that new intention, I started to see Facebook as that front porch conversation with friends. I started to engage even more on that level, hoping to inspire, hoping to spread light, and be a positive influence.

And my online “love” connections started to build.

Then this week, a reader who has been a regular on my Facebook page commented about how much my books have changed her life. She has a long-time disease and feels very isolated, but she’s connecting with me and is so glad to have found me. She’s even able to read again.

Her message brought tears to my eyes. And it made me so very happy.

There have been other moments online, but what I wanted to share today is that there is a possibility to find that happy corner on social media, a place where we do feel more connected with each other, where we become more than our user name and our Facebook profile.

We are connected, and it took my writer friend’s comment (someone I met on Twitter ironically), to help me see how I could be connected in a meaningful way, how I could view Facebook and Twitter as a valuable and uplifting community space.

So, thank you, Katy, and thanks to the lovely reader and many others who have reached out using this online way of connection.

And on this Valentine’s Day, let’s call in more loving online connections in the coming year where we remember that just because we sit in a room on a computer doesn’t mean we are not in the presence of true friends.

 

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Happiness in an Unexpected Gift

There is probably a direct correlation between me talking and writing about receiving recently and what happened this week. Remember Happiness is Receiving?

Well, I talked about learning to allow others to help and support me. Something as simple as letting a man take my luggage down some stairs to the woman at the market taking my groceries out to my car. Of course, there’s my neighbor, who shoveled my snow lately.

Receiving more.

Not giving less. Just being more in balance with the whole big G, big R thing.

This week an unexpected gift showed up out of the blue. One I hadn’t even thought about. I’d made a tough decision not to attend a really special weekend event that I have enjoyed for many years as a way of being mindful of where I was allocating my financial resources. Well, this friend said she knew someone who wanted to pay for me to go. I knew instantly it was her. It brought tears to my eyes. This is not a small gift, not that any gift ever is. It’s sizable.  She wanted me to be able to go and wanted to support that. 

So I remembered what I’d been saying about receiving, took a breath, and said, “Okay, I will receive that.” And then I cried and gushed gratitude to her for this incredible, unexpected gift. Wished that she reaped this blessing a million times over.

Now my friend is a total gem, and I’ve known it for a long time. But in a million years, I would never have thought about her giving me this unexpected gift. Things like that don’t happen to me. Sound familiar? I had even made peace with not going to this event this year. 

But…

I’d put it out into the Universe about being willing to receive more.

And here we go. 

This gift. Dropped right in my lap.

So, take heart, all you reading this. You never know when you might receive an unexpected gift like this. Is there something you’ve been wanting that just seems out of reach? Something you can’t afford? Something you never think will come?

Take a second right now to close your eyes and say, I am willing to receive this. 

You might be surprised like me. It just might show up from the most unexpected source, in the most unexpected way.

What could make any of us happier?

 

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Happiness is Research

Well, first let me say, Happy Chinese New Year! It’s the year of the wooden horse, promising lots of freedom and success. Yes. More. Please. Thank you.

Now then, what’s this about happiness being “research?” Truthfully, I was reminded of how much I love research this week when Mayor Sue Fuchtman of Norfolk, Nebraska let me interview her about her experience running for and being mayor of a community about the size of Dare Valley, Colorado in my first series.

I used to interview people all the time for my old career, and no, I wasn’t a journalist, even though I am from a long line of them stretching back to my great-great grandpa winning our family newspaper in a poker game in 1892, the rebel. I used to rebuild war zones in my old job, anything from communities to political systems to the rule of law. When I visited these wild places, I interviewed a ton of people, anyone from a village woman to a Member of Parliament. I probably averaged about thirty interviews with people on my trips. And let me tell you, it was fascinating. I had forgotten how much I love it until this week…

When I interviewed Mayor Sue. 

This time I’m not rebuilding a warzone, but creating a fictional setting. Real information is still critical in making it come to life. Be real. Resonate with people. 

It finally hit me why research makes me so happy, or should I say interviewing. Because I get to connect with people and hear their story. It’s about listening. It’s about being heard. It’s about having a short peek into their life, their passions, their journey, their victories. And in the case of Mayor Sue, what a victory. She’s the first female mayor of Norfolk. Yeah for her and women everywhere!

What’s also wonderful is when the person you’re interviewing strikes a chord in you. As you probably have guessed, community, family, and connecting are all important values to me. And I could tell the same for Mayor Sue.

My novel, THE PARK OF SUNSET DREAMS, isn’t only going to be better because of this interview, it’s going to rock. Why? Because like with all my characters, there’s some spark of the true, the real, the higher vision–critical to what I believe my writing is all about.

So, next time you have a chance to research something, try interviewing someone. Or even when you meet someone new, think of it as “life” research. You might be surprised not only by how happy it makes you, but by how much you learn.

Spread the joy.

Ava

 

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Happiness is Receiving

It’s taken some serious intention these last couple of years to receive help when I need it. But it makes me even happier when support comes without me even having to ask for it. 

This happened in a number of instances this week, most notably with my delightful neighbor shoveling my sidewalks for me, not once, but three times. 

I was raised to give more than I received, and like a lot of us women, I was uncomfortable asking for and receiving help when I needed it. Now, even though I have moments where I still want to do it all, I am exploring the new territory of receiving. And my heavens, does it make me happy.

What is your comfort zone? Are you more a giver or a receiver? I don’t think you have to be one more than the other now. I’m just calling in balance. When I need to give, I do. When I need to receive, I allow it. Mostly. I’m still a work in process.

Receiving support is inspiring to me because it helps me see I am walking my own talk. I was tired of being drained from giving all the time, and much of it wasn’t fun anymore. With the right balance between giving and receiving, I’m pretty happy doing both.

So, go on. Give receiving a chance. You might be surprised how much you like it after you undo all that conditioning not to. Come on. I’ll cheer you on.

 

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