Ava Miles's Blog, page 12

Success: Happiness Style

Photo courtesy of http://jobtrakr.com/2012/01/11/factor...

As news is spreading about my first book being released, I’m having some interesting questions from people. The kind where you feel the punch in your gut and know how you answer really informs how you’re shaping your world. At a BBQ recently on the Chesapeake Bay in Maryland, a woman asked me how I defined success as a writer. I took a moment. The view I had could have graced an Oscar-winning movie in cinematography. The dark, rolling water stretched for miles layered over by a blue sky dotted with fat clouds. I listened. The waves had their own internal rhythm–like my life. I thought, this question isn’t only about me being a writer. As such, my answer came out surprisingly easily.

Success for me is when I’m happy with what I’ve done. This could mean how the story is going as I’m writing or the finished manuscript. Believe me, when I’m smack dab in my bliss of writing a magical scene with my characters acting on The Writer’s Stage of my mind in full complement, I know it’s working. I’m happy with myself and what I produce. It’s that feeling of “Yes!.”  When I close my computer, I haven’t thought of it as success, but it’s a sense of accomplishment. And when I finish the first draft of a book, I’m happy. I did it! I always celebrate by opening a bottle of champagne. I toast myself and my characters and their story–and all who are going to read it. It’s happiness because I’m living my life purpose and producing what I am meant to contribute to the world. That’s my success.

Having had another career in a corporate sense, I remember the trap of success: raises, promotions, being selected for a certain high-level business trip, attending the big meetings, etc. We all have our own list of these. I always felt like I was striving for the next thing, and funny how when it came, the good feelings wore off pretty quickly. Then it was back to the grindstone again.

I don’t plan to fall into that trap again. I’m not suggesting external measurements don’t give us a sense of how we’re doing, but they don’t often bring us happiness. If they did, we wouldn’t see so many unhappy “successful” people.

I’m choosing a happiness I can control (not the ones outside of myself), rooted in my gifts. I’m trusting in my voice, and in my vision for my writing and my new career.

So, when someone asks you how you define success, how are you going to answer?

Happy People

So, the more time I spend focusing on being happy, another truth is emerging. Who we hang around makes a big difference. I was raised to be pretty inclusive and even try and help make other people happy. Joke around, you know? But here’s what I’ve realized. People who aren’t happy typically don’t change just because someone tries to help. We are all in charge of our own happiness. And people who we can’t laugh with or be happy with drag us down. Remember the Happy Thoughts blog last week? Well, it’s simple. When we’re with other people, we talk, right? Talk is the verbalization of our thoughts. If we’re not with happy people, chances are happy thoughts are not coming out of their mouths. Instead it might be a continued rant of negativity about their life, judgment about other people, or simply an unintentional reaction to our own happiness. We can’t express happy thoughts with people unwilling to engage in the exchange. So we find ourselves talking about other things–not the Happiness Corner.

I’m not suggesting people have to be happy all the time, but there needs to be a commitment in trying to be. Or more, we know they’ll be happy with us and put their own negativity aside. We all have bad days and need to talk about it. I’m not saying we need to be fake. But as I have taken inventory in my life from time to time, I ask myself: does this person make me laugh? Do I feel happy around them? Oh, and here’s the kicker. Can I be happy around them and know they will support me? It’s sad how sometimes people can’t support our happiness because it magnifies a big hole in their own life.

I’ve thought for a long time happy people had found the secret to life. Happy people seemed to hang around other happy people. I decided I needed to learn more since I wanted to be happy too. I observed. I wrote about characters seeking happiness. I even studied the various guides out there on happiness. When it all comes down to it, it’s a practice. And as I step more into living my dreams, I want more people in my life who will support my happiness. Not tell me all the reasons what I’m doing is a risk or crazy or . . . Insert your own experience here. We’ve all had the naysayers. I’m simply choosing not to hang with them anymore.

I want Happy People. People who want to pop a bottle of champagne for fun on a Tuesday to celebrate life. People who’ll laugh with me until my belly hurts. People who will help me laugh when I’ve had a tough day. My sister and I did this for each other today. We ended up recounting our favorite Mel Brooks’ movie scenes and laughing at the silliness. We all have what works for us in the challenging moments.

So take a look at your circle and don’t be afraid to ask yourself: who’s happy and who’s the downer? When we let go, it’s only opening up room in our life for more happy people to come in.

photo credit:oxfordian.world via photopin cc

Happy Thoughts

Picture from http://mystylishbump.blogspot.com/201...

Consistency isn’t a sexy word, but one thing that’s become obvious to me is consistency in our thoughts is the key to happiness. What do I mean here? How many times have we felt really happy and then a chorus of downer thoughts–I call them The Worry Chorus–starts singing? Their music and lyrics pull our attention away from the moment. One minute, we’re working on our life paths, right? Smack dab in our bliss. Then their intro begins, But is it all going to work out? And they just keep singing one verse after another about why not. It’s not good enough. People won’t like it. You won’t be able to do it. Blah-blah-blah.

Stop!

When the Worry Chorus starts singing, I have to take a moment and recall why I felt happy in the first place. Invite The Happy Chorus back in. Allow them to take center stage and keep them at the forefront of my mind–consistently.

Every great athlete talks about mental focus, but this isn’t needed only for a football game. No, we need that mental focus to be consistent in maintaining our Happy Thoughts.

One of my favorite stories is Peter Pan. As we all know, the only way Wendy, Michael, and John can fly to Neverland is to think a Happy Thought. We can all fly (a metaphor for doing the impossible) when we maintain Happy Thoughts.

Let’s kick The Worry Chorus to the curb and let The Happy Chorus be our headliner. We truly can fly.

The Bliss Truth

Ah, Bliss

A week has gone by in this new life. And the truth is clear. When you’re living in your bliss, your happiness knows no bounds.

We’ve all heard people living their dreams say this or read books about characters who discover this, but for me, until I experienced it, I couldn’t take it fully in. I’d had glimpses. While writing my novel, time disappeared. I didn’t mind losing track of it. Or a sister would call me while I was writing and say, “Wow, you sound so happy.”

Now imagine living that day in and day out.

Does it sound cool? Well, it is.

A few years ago, a wise woman told me that when we’re fulfilling our life’s purpose–our true calling, the one burning deep inside us–we don’t feel the same about our duties and obligations. It isn’t like, poof, no duties and obligations anymore, but something magical happens. When we’re choosing them, we feel differently. Remember Blog 1–happiness is a choice.

When we’re living in our bliss, the life-draining distractions fall away. How many times have we heard people say they’re only happy when they’re home–and not at “the job?” Boy, can I resonate with that, doing what people tell you to do, jumping when they call, even traveling when and where they tell you. We’ve all experienced it.

But there’s so much more out there for all of us. And as I experience this myself and learn all these new truths in a new way, I wish it for all of you as well. Here’s to all our bliss, however it shows up for each of us.

Making the Happiness Choice

Kicking off my first blog post today seems fitting since I made a major decision regarding my own happiness. I quit my job and left a successful career to pursue a new one in writing full-time. Friends have called it following my dreams and commented it’s a pretty brave, bold move. They are right. But mostly, it boils down to one thing:

Happiness is a choice.

And since writing books makes me happy, I made the choice to fill my time with it—and not the sometimes fulfilling, fascinating, but soul-draining job of working in conflict zones overseas. I gave that profession my best, and while there were moments of happiness, the work didn’t sustain it.

As a writer of fiction, I marvel at how parallel a character’s journey can be to someone’s real life. Many of us have those moments where we know we need to make a choice. There needs to be some change. It’s been building inside us for years or in a major moment of inspiration, what we’ve all heard called that epiphany thing. When we’re honest enough to admit we aren’t happy, we’re opening the door to finding out what will make us so. And when we start exploring, oh the places we’ll go, to paraphrase Dr. Seuss.

Then the decision comes. Are we going to choose to be happy?

I did, and even though I don’t know exactly where it’s going to go, I’ve made my choice. I’m going to live in my bliss. Like the early parts of a novel, there’s a sense of a new adventure awaiting the heroine.

And her goal is happiness.