Ava Miles's Blog, page 11

Happiness is the Power of No

Are you surprised that the word “no” has power? Would it amaze you to know that using the word “no” can sometimes be positive? 

I wasn’t raised to think that way, but it’s something I have learned over time.  I heard Oprah say recently on one of her programs that she only does what she intends to do now. That implies saying no to things she doesn’t want to do. This is hard for some of us, especially women since we want to get along with people and not raise too many waves. As humans, we all want to be liked and included. And “no” can sometimes surprise people. 

Some time back, a wise woman told me that I should remove all of the “I shoulds” in my life.  When I tallied up all of the things I thought I should do in my life, I was pretty amazed. I was spending a lot of time doing things that I did not want to do. I was afraid to say no. It took some time, but slowly I cut out all of the “I shoulds” in my life, and something miraculous happened. I became happier.

This incredible secret can be seen in young children. What is a common first word in kids? “No.” That’s right. Kids know when someone is trying to make them do something they don’t want to do or stopping them from doing what they truly want to do. That’s why they say “no.” They know who they are and what they need. At that age, they feel loved enough by parents and teachers and classmates in daycare to say it without hesitation. They don’t question being loved and accepted.  And yet, over time, that changes. We grow up. We’re told what “the rules are,” and we stop saying “no” as much as we used to. We start doing things to confirm, and lower our happiness ratio.

The power of no is a key ingredient to happiness. From its highest place–from our internal truth–it can serve as a change agent in ourselves and our relationships. There might be some initial surprise from all of the people expecting and benefiting from our “I shoulds,” but it’s worth the process. And sometimes it takes a while, so be patient with yourself and others.

Cultivating the power of no is a maturation process. It’s actualizing the knowledge of what we truly need and not being afraid to say it, even when it may not be received well. You know you have the full Power of No when you have total peace saying it. It takes some time to have that power, but it’s worth the process.

So be nice to yourself. Cut out all of the “I shoulds” and do only what you intend to do. Say no to the rest. I promise you will find a happiness you might have never expected. 

 Image courtesy of Stuart Miles at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Happiness is Flowing with Your Bliss

Last week, I talked about my friend who’s recently discovered she’s a piano prodigy at 36 years of age. She’s playing music like Bach after one lesson and is already signed up for a fall concert in the neighborhood.

Well, the story gets better. And I have to tell you, folks, this is what happens when you follow your bliss. 

She has now been invited to play at The Kennedy Center. Yes, the Kennedy Center. The one that presidents and actors grace as a matter of course. The one that plays Broadway shows like the current “Book of Mormon” or hosts famous musicians like Diana Krall. It is incredible! She’s only been playing the piano for over a month. 

When she told me the news last night, I told her it was a miracle. But also not a surprise. This is what happens when we receive our life purpose, our bliss. Everything in our life starts to flow. New experiences show up out of the blue like this one. It’s confirmation that we are on the right path and need to trust it. 

And our happiness explodes.

She gave us an impromptu piano recital last night after I’d finished jumping up and down in excitement, and the music she created melted my heart. She is so gifted, and I can feel the star rising in her, the star of her true self shining out in the world. 

This is coming home to yourself. Finding your purpose. Being widely happy for no reason. 

It’s the flow.

This is like watching an incredible book or movie in the making. I have never thought about writing about a prodigy before now, but we shall see. Regardless, it’s a heck of a story, whether real life or fiction. 

So, where are you flowing or not flowing with your own bliss?

 

Image courtesy of Evgeni Dinev at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

 

Happiness is Watching Others Finding Bliss

A Recent Card from a Friend

 My closest friend has found her bliss in the last couple of weeks, and I have to say I only feel the greatest joy when I hear her talk about it. Like I used to be, her career is in the international field involving travel to dicey places. She’s successful and accomplished. 

And then pow, out of the blue, she discovers she wants to play the piano. She’d wanted to as a child, but the circumstances hadn’t worked out. Nearly every spiritual teacher out there says we know our true passion when we’re kids. I wanted to be a writer and look at me now.

My friend follows through on this passion. Signs up for piano lessons. And receives pow number two. Her teacher looks at her stunned after she plays a little (remember she’s never taken lessons) and says she’s a prodigy. That’s right. PRODIGY. Her teacher already has her signed up for her first concert in a couple of months and says to expect big things from herself and her gift.

Because our bliss is our gift. It’s the best version of us. It’s what we’ve been given to make ourselves and others happy. My friend is radiant. I’ve never seen her happier. She knows her life literally has altered–for the better. And yes, there’s some fear around not knowing how that’s going to go or what it’s going to mean for her life. But once you’ve found your bliss, you have the spark inside you to move forward. You’ll walk through fire, I told her, just to follow it, be a part of it. And she now understands why I could leave the old career behind. 

I know it’s no accident that we’re friends. Our individual spark set off sparks in others. Especially when our intention is to bring happiness to the world and inspire others–my goal every day. 

I can’t wait to see where this takes my friend. I’m going to be front row at her first concert, and her next one, and the next one after that. 

What do you have bubbling inside you that’s your salvation? What’s the one thing you would do if money was no object? Think about it. You might have just discovered you’re a prodigy too.

 

Happiness is Spontaneous Abundance!

The Sapphire Necklace a Local Jeweler Loaned Me!

After another incredible Romance Writers of America conference, I have to say that I get super duper happy when spontaneous abundance shows up in my life. It’s all those incredible moments and gifts when you aren’t looking and something special shows up. Here are my highlights from RWA in no particular order, and my deepest thanks to the people (mostly writers) who showed up and made it happen.

–The incredible owner of Indus Imports in Old Town Alexandria, VA, Rais Mughloo, for shocking me when I came into his store for the first time and offering to loan me this incredible 4-strand sapphire necklace because he loved my story of quitting my old career to pursue my dream of writing full-time and publishing my books. Thank you! It looked awesome with the dress that I wore to Nora Roberts’ party. www.indus-imports.com

–The woman I dubbed our own Anne Hathaway of RWA, Kristan Higgins–funny, big-hearted, and elegant–for introducing me to her super cute hubby McIrish as her friend. Deeply touched.

–For Bella Andre inviting me over to join her circle at the Barnes and Nobles bash even though we’d never met, for telling me she loved my covers (squeal!), and offering some great advice about how to get NORA ROBERTS LAND to the top of the lists. She is generous beyond words and is one of the most positive people I have come across in a while. You rock!

–For Jayne Ann Krentz, whom I stood next to in the longest hotel check-in line ever, and making the most of it by chatting and for her telling me she liked NORA ROBERTS LAND’s premise and thought it would sell really well. Awesome!

–For meeting Nora Roberts daughter-in-law at Nora’s annual party, a truly lovely woman who actually thanked me for my past work overseas rebuilding schools and clinics in places like Congo. Made my heart melt.

–For a hug from Nora at her awesome party and always including me in the festivities.

–For my WRW pals and their raucous laughter and innuendo later in the evening when we can kick off our heels and simply let our hair down. You know who you are.

–For Jana Oliver, who told me “Be patient, little grasshopper,” and then invited me to the Georgia Romance Writer’s Party, THE BEST PARTY EVER. I mean they bring their own DJ. It was awesome to dance with y’all.

–For Christie Craig, whom I approached at the St. Martin’s Party to share how much I enjoyed her workshop a few years ago, and for being so lovely and supportive. 

–For new encounters with Katy Regnery, whom I met on Twitter (I still can’t believe I am saying that), and for meeting Sara Fawkes and hanging out and talking about Indie publishing.

–For Laura Reeth and Mary Blayney, who continue to be bright lights in my life!

–And lastly, for my mom, dad, and Fashionista sister coming to the Literary Signing to see what this new world that I am a part of is all about and to support me. You guys are the best!

Open yourself to your own spontaneous abundance. Don’t know how. Just ask. It always shows up. Here’s to tons more! 

 

 

The Happiness Recipe: The True Story Behind NORA ROBERTS LAND Round 2

:Coming up with a happiness recipe is not something that I actually thought about on a daily basis. Like Meredith, I focused on putting the pieces of my life together after my divorce. On my journey to re-discovering my true self, my moment happened—my second chance—just like Meredith and Tanner in Nora Roberts Land. His name was George, and he and I worked together. One day I needed a ride, since my car was breaking down, and this cute guy volunteered. Call it fate, but my car breaking down was the best thing that could have happened for us. It allowed me to start believing that a man like Tanner existed in real life.

Since being single was new to me, I was very cautious at first. I didn’t really know what to think or feel, but it seemed that the more I got to know him, the more he showed me what real honesty and compassion looked like. And slowly, something started to grow inside me. Hope—yes. Belief in second chances—yes. And the renewal of what I always deep down really believed in—true, everlasting love. Nora Roberts Land.

Was it easy to fall in love again? No way—scarier the second time for sure. I think with any other person, he would have turned tail and ran with the baggage I had been carrying. But George was one of the most patient, loving, and considerate men from the start—just what I needed. He had all the heart and compassion that Tanner shows Meredith in the story and then some.

My second chance at love’s journey took George and me on trip to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris, France where my boyfriend of a year and a half proposed to me. Here is one of our favorite moments—one of the best days of my life—and my real life fairy tale. 

We were married in 2010 with all of our friends and family surrounding us. His big Assyrian Orthodox family and my big Irish Catholic family got along just fine.

 Happy—yes. Ecstatic—yes. Have I found my true Prince Charming (aka Tanner McBride)? Yes. And I am so thankful that God provides us with not just one chance, but many second, third, and fourth chances until we get it right.

And I have to say Ava really nailed all the emotion that went along with going through this sort of experience—without ever experiencing it herself. I feel that many of you out there with a similar story will relate to this book and grasp the love, human emotion, and depth of her characters that make up this great happily ever after story.

So like Meredith Hale in Nora Roberts Land, I had that moment of inspiration or desperation—I think in my instance they were one in the same. I took that moment and focused on the life that I truly deserved to have—one where I am loved for who I am and can share my life openly and honestly with someone—along with living out our hopes and dreams together. Although it is not all butterflies and rainbows everyday, knowing that our love is the real thing and that because we choose to work at it, I rest in the knowledge that we were truly made for each other.

So what have I learned about happiness on my journey? I have learned that it is a choice—you have to choose happiness. You have to make a decision in your life. Do I want to let everything that has ever happened to me keep me from the life that I am destined to live? Do I want to let the bitterness that comes from dwelling on the what-ifs, should-haves, could-haves and would-haves keep me from finding that true happiness that lives deep down within all of us?

To all these, I am glad I said no. And I am happy that I am able to live out my happily-ever-after every day. So to all you believers in Nora Roberts Land, I wish your lives full of love and happiness and of course—your own happy ending.

BIG thanks to Ava for letting me share my real life Nora Roberts Land on her blog!

 

Michelle’s Recipe for Happiness

(Meredith and I seemed to have learned similar things!)

1)      Get out of your own way

2)      Stop blaming others for you not being happy—you are the owner of your own happiness

3)      Deal with your baggage so it doesn’t affect your future relationships

4)      Counseling is not a bad word—find someone who will help you understand yourself better and help you on your path to healing

5)      Forgive and move on—don’t let bitterness and regret keep you from your own destiny

6)      You are stronger than you think—give yourself a much needed break

7)      Be thankful and grateful—you are what you focus on

8)      Have a larger vision for your life—your destiny is larger than you think

9)      Learn to love (again) and love a LOT—be a good receiver and giver of love

10)   Believe in second, third, fourth and many other do-overs in life—you deserve it!

____________________________________________________________________________

Michelle Khamis is Ava Miles’ younger sister. Being a mechanical engineer by trade, Michelle was always into organization and details. Truly inspired by planning her own wedding in 2009, she saw an opportunity to use her unique skills to help couples and others alike that needed a little help creating the perfect vision for their events. Today she is a wedding and event planner and founder of Dream Your Vision Event Planning, with headquarters located in Arkansas. She lives in Little Rock with her wonderful husband George and a little Sheltie named Maddie. She loves to crochet (something that she inherited from her Grandmother), read, practice yoga and spend time with her family and friends. You can find more information about Michelle at her website: http://www.dyveventplanning.com.

Happiness Is Second Chances

Ava & Michelle at a football game

Ava thought that it was only fitting that I was a guest blogger in the next two weeks following her first book’s debut, Nora Roberts Land, since it is based on what actually happened to me.

On my way to finding true happiness, like so many of us, I believed in happily ever afters. In true love’s first kiss, in serendipity and in finding someone who would fit so perfectly in my life—be my soul mate.

When I met my first husband, I thought that he was The One, and we would live happily ever after—not in the Disney way, but in a more meaningful share-your-life-and-hopes-and-dreams way. Knowing him for almost 8 years before we were married, I really thought that we could make it. And there were moments that I was happy, but they never lasted.

Then, not far into our marriage, it happened—The Switch. It didn’t happen overnight, but the distance started to grow between us. He started pulling away emotionally and physically, and soon I seemed to be married to a stranger. One that looked at me and told me he didn’t love me anymore. That he wasn’t sure if he ever really had.

It was in one counseling session that he made the craziest comment of all, “You have an unrealistic view of love because of all those Nora Robert’s romance novels that you read all the time. That kind of love doesn’t exist in real life. You shouldn’t have gotten your hopes up expecting me to live up to something that isn’t real…”

And so, in my many conversations with Ava, my family and friends, I shared my broken heart, his hurtful words and ultimately, my decision to move out and get a divorce. And much like Nora Roberts Land’s main character, Meredith, I was left feeling angry, hurt and betrayed, among other things.

My family was much like the Hale family in Ava’s book—loving, very supportive, and protective of me—especially during this time in my life. Funny but I think they might have given Ava an idea for the nickname of Meredith’s ex, Rick-the-Dick, in the book too—they do love me!

I think the worst part of it all was that the person that I thought he was disappeared and was replaced with a person I didn’t really want to know. I lost more than just a husband—in then end I lost who I really was. I gave up a lot of who I was to make him happy and ultimately, lost my own true self and my true happiness.

Coming off my divorce, I went through a lot of what Meredith went through in the story—panic attacks, internal pep talks, and an overall wanting to feel whole again. And like her—wanting to believe so much that my Nora Roberts Land was still out there.

Did I have a recipe or plan in mind to make that happen? Not really. I knew that I wanted to take some time to get to know me—this person that I was realizing was stronger than I thought and more capable than I gave myself credit for. This new skinnier me that somehow lost the 10 pounds in what my friends referred to as the Divorce Diet.

So I kept up sessions with my counselor, kept close to my family and friends and worked on the big thing called Forgiveness. You see, I didn’t feel like it was fair to anyone to only share the good part of my heart—the side that wasn’t broken. I wanted to be able to truly give myself fully to someone, and that involved letting go of the past with my ex and all the anger, hurt, pain, regret, betrayal and grief.

Reading the scene in the book at the end where Meredith confronts her ex brought tears to my eyes since I was able to experience that same moment of letting go in my own life and truly forgive. And it came with such freedom that I hope more people will take it to heart and find that within them to move on. You never know what is right around the corner—I never dreamed what would happen next…but I had hoped.

And like any good story, you will have to read next week’s blog to find out how my story turned out! I will give you a hint—like Ava’s amazing character Meredith, I finally found my happily ever after!

Michelle Khamis is Ava Miles’ younger sister. Being a mechanical engineer by trade, Michelle was always into organization and details. Truly inspired by planning her own wedding in 2009, she saw an opportunity to use her unique skills to help couples and others alike that needed a little help creating the perfect vision for their events. Today she is a wedding and event planner and founder of Dream Your Vision Event Planning, with headquarters located in Arkansas. She lives in Little Rock with her wonderful husband George and a little Sheltie named Maddie. She loves to crochet (something that she inherited from their Grandmother), read, practice yoga and spend time with her family and friends. You can find more information about Michelle at her website: http://www.dyveventplanning.com.

 

Happiness is Freedom

Well, folks, it’s Happy Release Day (July 2), and I am writing a special blog post outside of the Friday norm. 

There are a lot of metaphors to describe the launch of me as an Indie author, and trust me, I realize the time is perfect with July 4th being a few days away. A friend actually told me July 2 is the day the Founding Fathers signed the Declaration of Independence (they only announced it to the public on July 4). I like to think the founders wanted to savor the news for a few days. It’s like people who find out they are pregnant and have that wonderful secret all to themselves for a while. 

NORA ROBERTS LAND has had its journey up to this point like all books do, and it still has more road to travel now that it’s being sent out into the world. But how does all this relate to freedom and happiness? 

It’s the gratitude I have for all Indie authors who have helped us come to this place where I can publish my work and allow readers to have the freedom to read it should they choose. Happiness is knowing you have the freedom to speak with your voice, to be heard, and knowing that matters. One of my favorite moments in The King’s Speech is when The King bursts out, “I have a voice.” Yes, we all do. And it’s meant to be heard, shared.

Happiness is the freedom to do what we know we need to do, what we are called to do, what we must do. I am an author–to my soul. Stories make my heart sing. It is my calling. Having the freedom to share them makes me happy. 

I write about characters resurrecting that freedom in their own lives. Being empowered. Meredith Hale chooses to throw off the shackles of her divorce and the belief she’d taken on from her ex-husband that Nora Roberts’ novels put ideas in her head. My hero, Tanner McBride, throws off the job of a burned-out war correspondent and decides to find out if there’s anything safe, sacred, or beautiful in life anymore. And personally they find what they need, and together they find even more–a love only reserved for that happily ever after called NORA ROBERTS LAND.

So, as we all celebrate July 4, I am grateful for all the freedom I have. The freedom to be me and speak with my voice and know it is my greatest contribution to the world. The freedom to publish this story and allow readers to find it and enjoy it. The freedom to know that my life, my present, and my future are all in my own hands. After all, when we speak with our voice, we inspire others to do the same. 

“I am the master of my fate. I am the captain of my soul.” William Ernest Henley, Invictus.

I claim the same for you and your journey. 

Image courtesy of Vlado at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

 

 

Gratitude: The Door to Happiness

We’ve all heard the quote: “Gratitude is the open door to abundance” by Yogi Bhajhan. For me, there’s nothing “happier” than abundance. As a way of reminding myself of all I have to be grateful for, I write in a gratitude journal every night. Most days, it’s pretty easy to list what I’m grateful for that day. I typically go with five grateful moments, but I love the days when there are so many I end up with something like ten.

With my first book only a few days away from its official release, there’s a lot to be grateful for. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that nearly every book you read has either a Dedication page or an Acknowledgements Page or both. Writing a book is not always the easiest thing to do. And publishing a book–especially as an Indie author–is also not exactly the easiest thing to do either. However, there’s a lot of support to help with that, and I am feeling super grateful for all of mine right now. (Check out my own Dedication and Acknowledgements Pages in NORA ROBERTS LAND. Wink.)

My heroine, Meredith Hale, doesn’t feel super supported or grateful for much in her life after her divorce. Her life is in shambles. She’s lost a sense of herself, her identity. And she’s lost friends after the divorce, which is often the case. Once she makes the decision to return home, she’s surrounded by support. Her family envelopes her with their remarkable presence. This is something she realizes immediately. It’s a moment of gratitude, and it starts to shift how she sees her life. It’s one of my favorite moments in the book because we’ve all had it. We’re thinking our life, well, sucks, and then we try something different, and wow, we receive a surprise. Our life is different. We have support. And we’re grateful for it. 

So, my gratitude is expanding inside of me for all who have come before this moment, all who are in this moment, and all who will be coming into future moments. I am grateful for all of the help I have received in getting this book to this moment. And I am grateful for all who will read Meredith and Tanner’s journey in NORA ROBERTS LAND. 

Let the gratitude and happiness abound. 

 

Image courtesy of Stuart Miles / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

 

“The Moment”

Happiness is the moment we meet THE ONE. My character in NORA ROBERTS LAND has this moment. When she sees Tanner McBride, she simply can’t look away. She can feel him from across the room. She wants to talk with him. Have him look into her eyes. 

Even though she’s scared of her reaction to this steamy hero because she’s been hurt before.

“The moment” happens in real life too. One of my best friends called me a few weeks ago and told me he’d met THE girl and had experienced something he’d never felt before. More than passion. More than attraction.

It’s connection.

The kind that reaches to our core. It makes us better individuals. It helps us grow.

The poets call it soul mates. Some call it twin flames. It isn’t just in fiction. And isn’t that great? 

Happiness takes off to a new level. In Tanner and Meredith’s case, it takes a while to reach that state of bliss. With my friend, he can’t stop smiling and laughing when he talks about her. 

THE ONE changes everything. And it only takes a moment. We don’t consciously choose the place or the time. It finds us. It’s like this incredible gift coming to us. 

It’s meant to be embraced and savored. 

So, if it’s found you, take a moment to think back to that magical moment when you first saw your ONE. And if you haven’t yet, it’s coming. Believe it. 

And if you want to keep experiencing “The Moment” over and over again, read a romance novel. It always delivers. 

 

 

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Sweet Inspiration

Inspiration leads us to our happiness. In fact, the moment of inspiration is when we feel happy about an idea that pops up out of the blue. We know something just happened to us. It’s exciting! I mentioned on my Facebook page last week I’d gone to my first ballet in many years, and had something magical happen. A light bulb went on. All of the sudden I had the third book in a future series. I’d been asking myself about that last book for over two years now. Then, bam. Inspiration. 

It can happen anywhere. The key is being present. Expanding our senses. Looking around. If I had my nose stuck in the playbill or been stressed about parking or traffic or whatever, I might not have had the spark. 

My characters always have a flash of inspiration. Sometimes it’s not a 2×4 to the head moment, but it’s a knowing when they have a great idea. Take my heroine in Nora Roberts Land, Meredith Hale. Her life has gone down the toilet since her divorce. She’s still stuck in the past. Not happy. 

Then one day she decides she’s through with being miserable. She wants to start anew. Read Nora Roberts again and give her ex the bird for ever suggesting Nora’s books were to blame for their divorce. So she decides to buy a new Nora book. She takes the first step and wham, she has a moment of sweet inspiration. She’s going to prove her ex totally wrong. Returning to her hometown, she’s going to prove you can find your own happily ever after–or Nora Roberts Land. 

We all have moments of sweet inspiration. The major block a lot of us have is we judge it or second guess it. One of my favorite scenes is in Jerry Maguire when he writes his manifesto about getting back to being a sports agent out of love for sports and players and not the money. When he slips it under everyone’s door, he’s following through. Of course, the next day he wakes up thinking, WTF. I’ve felt that. My character, Meredith Hale, has felt that. I expect we all have.

But sweet inspiration leads us to our happiness. It shows us what we’re missing, what we truly value deep down, what we’ve lost, and what we might experience. It puts us on a new journey.

When sweet inspiration comes your way, say thank you. It probably has just changed your life. 

photo credit: ashley rose, via photopin cc