Kate Larking's Blog: Anxiety Ink, page 11

2017 Goals Third Check In

Alright, who sped September up? I swear it just started and now it’s nearly over. Thinking back since my last check in, everything is blurring together in my mind. While one of my goals was to be more social this year, I did not intend for my social calendar to explode. I don’t know how people do it all—I’m bloody tired.

As I sit here looking at my goals list, I wish I had revamped it during my second check in. The year shaped up much differently than I had anticipated when I drafted those goals, and I know I am not going to be checking very many off come December.

I’m not letting that get me down though. Things are currently rolling in an excellent direction, just not the direction I envisioned nine months ago. Good surprises are always fine with me though.

Here’s how I’m doing and what I’m changing:

Write at least 3 days a week –I’m happy to say that I have not missed a week since May. I got my act together in July and I am on top of this one. I’ve even increased my word counts the past few weeks. Am I writing enough? No, but it’s a start.
Submit each short story at least three times over the year –I am going to be really happy if I submit “Brew Disaster” even once more this year. I dropped the ball badly with this one.
Read a minimum of 68 books over the year –Again, I have good reading weeks and I have bad reading weeks. I’m in the midst of a not so great one. I seriously need to make more time for reading.
Write a new short story –I have lost the mojo of my current story and have not given it the attention required to figure things out.
Learn how to meditate –I’m still doing really well with this goal—which is a relief! I’ve learned recently that to get the most out of meditating, 10 minutes minimum a day is necessary for me.
Keep up the good exercise trend! –I’m doing very well with this one too. The social calendar has affected it a bit, but I think I’m balancing it out well. Now that winter is here (it snowed yesterday, I was not mentally prepared for that), this should get more attention again.
Cook –I’m still cooking for myself before yoga…if we work with a loose definition of “cook”. However, I have started a food board on Pinterest in an effort to pique my interest. We’ll see how that works.
Try something new –Hmm, this one has also been well handled. I went out for sushi last month, which I’ve never done before. I enjoyed it. I can’t think of anything else at the moment.
Look on the bright side and lose the frustration –As always, this is a work in progress.
Participate in NaNoWriMo 2017 and exceed 2015’s word count –TBD, NaNo is creeping up!
Finish writing RA2 –Ah, my goal was to be done this in three months. This month. It’s getting pushed to I-don’t-know-when. I’m still working on a five year plan, which I discussed on E.V. Writes, and these books are a focal point therein.
Turn RA1 into a readable manuscript –see above. Oy.
Read outside my comfort zone: Add plays and poetry –I’ve yet to tackle this though the poetry book is literally beside me as I type. I have to have a talk with myself. Yeesh.
Change one habit each month to be greener –In September I took some steps to stop using plastic sandwich bags, though I am touch and go with this one. I need to step up my game. In August I did my research and found a face cleanser with scrubbers that are naturally sourced because my skin was not happy with the plain cleanser I had switched to. And (TMI warning), in July I invested in reusable pads. I’m definitely sold on those, for the record.
Leave the day job at the day job –I have not excelled at this goal lately. It’s been a bit of a rough go.
Make time for hobbies –I don’t know why I neglect the things that make me happy.
Learn how to make a t-shirt quilt –I’m going to repeat exactly what I said last time: This is more of a winter activity, but I should plan when I want to get it accomplished.
Be more social –I’m tempted to put be less social on here now. I nailed this one.
Explore different writing communities –I let this one fall off my radar utterly and completely. Again.
Be accountable to the 6 month plan –I’m being very good about my wall tracker.

All in all, I’m standing about where I thought I would be as soon as I decided to tackle this update. Planning is a key weakness throughout here. I need to learn how to plan properly and execute effectively in my personal life.

How is everyone else faring?

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Writing Inspiration: Browsing a Bookstore

Browsing a bookstore isn’t something I have done lately.

I work in a bookstore. At my bookstore, I know all the books on the shelves–because I ordered them in. I curate from my desk and work to make the collection decent and varied for my customers to browse.

But I do not browse them. When I am on the floor, I have a mission in mind:

Where is the book that should be on this return?
How many of this do I REALLY have in stock? I’m sure the computer is wrong.
What displays are up, how full are they, and do I need to reorder, restock, or just remerchandise?

Not to mention, when I’m on the floor, I am likely to be pinged by a customer and asked questions (I don’t mind them if they are about trade books. But about clothing or textbooks? I got nothin’.)

I used to browse bookstores all the time. And then I’d buy my weight in books. Now, my life has a bit of a better bank account balance.

Since I started working at my bookstore, when I go into other bookstores, I generally stay away from the books. I linger at the gifts and journals to see things that I don’t stock in my store. (I mean, after all, I can’t get my employee discount on books in another store…when I can just order them in for myself at work.)

But yesterday I did a quick perusal of a bookstore with fellow Inkette Elisa. I squashed the critical parts of my brain (Sample rapidfire: Why so many hardbacks along with trade papers of the same book? Someone missed returns. But why aren’t they marking things down, then?) and we just chatted about the books on the shelf.

Between picking up Akata Witch by Nnedi Okorafor and chatting about some of the newer YA titles out, I felt nostalgic. Seeing the glossy covers and faceouts–this is what I had wanted for my writing. To find a place on these shelves.

I just felt a jump start in my urge to get writing, to be braver with getting my words seen by others.

I can’t be the only one: who else loves browsing a bookstore, and just ends up feeling writing inspired?

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Ink Link Roundup -Instagram tips and plagiarized poetry

Elisa has found a few great links to share this week—enjoy!

You may not be job hunting, but it never ever hurts to think about personal branding across social media. These are excellent tips for Instagram.

I’ve only seen one post about this enormous plagiarism scandal and I found it by accident because a Facebook friend shared the article. Either the world needs to care more about such things, or I need to follow better news.

This is a short article with the bare bones of what happened.

This is the long, long original article that the one above references.

They’re both good reads.

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Write Reasons

Why do I write?

Ever since Kate asked this question, it’s been on my mind. It seems like an important answer to have.

I write because it’s who I am. Because I have to; I can’t not.

Writing for me is survival – it keeps me functional, keeps me healthy. I can’t imagine life without writing. It colors everything I do and everything I am, even how I interact with the world.

I write because the world needs more stories.

And I write because these stories in my head will come after me if I don’t let them loose on the world.

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Branching Out, It’s Difficult

As I’m sure you’ve figured out in recent months, I am trying to send myself in a different career direction. I’m ready and willing to get into the professional writing game because I want to use my skills in my day job. Apparently, being ready isn’t enough.

Obviously I knew that, but it would be nice. Universe, are you listening?

I didn’t think so.

Between writing-job hunting and coursework, I’m kicking myself. I should have made this decision closer to when I graduated. I should have started freelancing and creating a portfolio years ago. I should have done a minor in communications, or business, or marketing. I should be a better networker and have contacts. I should not require sleep. I should be a genius. The list goes on.

Woulda, coulda, shoulda. And hit repeat.

All I can do is keep trying at this point. Eventually, things will start rolling in the right direction. It doesn’t hurt to remind myself that I’ve learned my writing chops just need some polishing in order to fit into certain categories—I’m grateful I’m malleable. In the meantime, I’ll keep writing, looking for opportunities, and increasing my knowledge base in terms of marketing, technology, and other random things. Thankfully I love learning and I can learn nearly anything.

Right now I’m trying to find some freelance options in order to build my experience. Branching out is difficult, but I suppose things can’t always be easy. If you have any knowledge in this area, I would love to hear it. Heck, any advice on anything I’ve mentioned is more than appreciated!

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Why I (and other Writers) Write – Revisited

I have spent a lot of time over the last week thinking about Why I Write. I want to thank everyone who reached out to me on social media or through their own blog posts about why they write. It has helped me come to understand more about why I write.

Reasons others communicated to me included, but was not limited to:

Responses to emotions
Because characters won’t leave them alone
To be of service to someone or the community
Because it is enjoyable, if frustrating

So after muddling through my thoughts for a few weeks, I believe I have a better understanding of why I write.

For Me, Writing is Intensely Personal

Writing, whether creative or non-fiction, forces me to work through an issue. Stories allow me to explore an idea without judgment. Shreds of my identity can be planted in all of my characters.

Writing is my therapy. When I face fears in my life, my protagonists emerge. For example, there is Aurora, a military-conscripted girl living on a war-torn planet. She picks up my anxiety for the future and duty, and holds them within her, facing the world with those beliefs critically crippling her–and yet. She moves forward, unable to turn back. Carrying the fear as I craft narratives, she dismantles it bit by bit, lending her courage and strength back to me.

The Next Step–Sharing my Words

I have the compulsion to concoct the narrative, to weave the story, and to explore the characters by writing them down. However, in the end, I don’t have to share my stories. I don’t have that compulsion to actually share what I have written.

But I don’t feel there is harm to others for sharing these stories. Except when it leads to facing criticism. Writing is a part of myself and my struggles on the page and for someone to critique the expression of it would hurt–a lot. When I do move forward with my fiction, publishing and distributing, I will need to keep an eye on my impulses to check on reviews. Because those reviews won’t mean anything to my why–they might only hurt me.

Some Reading…

I am currently reading Braving the Wilderness by Brene Brown. And this quote really got me rolling in the right direct as to what my why for writing actually is:

“Art has the power to render sorrow beautiful, make loneliness a shared experience, and transform despair into hope. Only art can take the holler of a returning soldier and turn it into a shared expression and a deep, collective experience. Music, like all art, gives pain and our more wrenching emotions voice, language, and form, so it can be recognized and shared. The magic of the high lonesome sound is the magic of all art: the ability to both capture our pain and deliver us from it at the same time.” Brene Brown, Braving the Wilderness. Page 44.

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Ink Link Roundup -Black Witch and copyright

We have two excellent links to share this week! They couldn’t be more different.

Melissa says, on the backlash and explosion that is the book Black Witch and an awesome take (by a white woman) on what support of diversity actually means to white writers as allies.

Elisa says, this post makes me sad. When I was younger I’ll admit I pirated the odd song here and there; yet as I grew older, and better comprehended what copyright actually is, I refuse to pirate anything. If supporting artists who work hard isn’t enough for you, know that your buying power as a consumer is one of your greatest weapons in this capitalist world—use it for good.

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Words Are Magic

A long while back, I wrote a post that touched on the magic of words. I’ve decided to revisit that concept this week.

David Abram’s book The Spell of the Sensuous has stuck with me, though I haven’t read it for years. But I can go straight to it on my bookshelf! (Be impressed – be very impressed.) In it, he proposes that written language to people and cultures without is is a profound kind of magic.

Words shape reality. Or they shape the perception of reality, which, according to physicists is one and the same. For proof, look no further than personal mantras and affirmations. Look to Octavia Butler’s journals where she .

Time Waster

My name is Elisa and I am a chronic time waster. How about that for a day’s confession?

My best methods include TV, though is it a waste if I take joy from it?; social media, when it isn’t writer-related; and click-bait “articles”, I have a serious addiction to click-bait that may require an intervention. I never intend to spend so long doing any of these activities, but more than once I’ve looked at the clock to see many, many more minutes than I realized have gone by.

No matter what I find myself doing, I know I should be doing something else, something important, whether it’s writing, reading, course-work, writing, or spending time with my pets.

I really wish I knew why I am the way I am. I think about all the time I spend on these irrelevant things and then I feel guilty about all that I could have accomplished. Feeling guilty doesn’t help me kick the bad habits either, I simply turn back to them for the mindlessness and escape I was seeking in the first place.

Hmm, that might be a telling sentence right there.

Aside from these specific means of wasting time, my schedule is its own major issue. My natural sleep rhythm (my circadian rhythm) involves late nights and late mornings, which are just not working anymore. The day job requires that I get up early during part of the work week, which completely throws my body out of whack. Then I spend too much time trying to recover. Long story short, it would be a lot better, health- and productivity-wise, to adapt to the earlier routine than to continue with what I’m doing.

Perhaps admitting this to an audience will help me work on my bad habits. It’s very hard to change an entrenched routine, but I’m ready to do it. I’m tired of losing so much time.

Do you have any bad habits you wish to rid yourself of? Do you have any tips on how to quit?

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Why I Write

I have been struggling with my writing lately. Even as I continue to work on the Novel in 90 challenge. Starting and stopping, restarting and fumbling my grip on the stories as life interrupts, I am left wondering why I write.

The Origins of the Question

Over the last month, I have been taking a lot of workshops, both in person and online. Most of those have been ones off of CreativeLive. Craft, Marketing, and Confidence classes alike have filled my days.

The thing I struggle with most if wondering if my writing is worth anything. Especially my fiction. So as I tried to find confidence in my writing, the remedy that keeps coming up in these classes is “Why do you create?”

Why I Write

To be honest, I don’t know why I write. I write because I know I have no choice not to. I know that I have stories stuffing inside me but I can’t fully understand if they have value being externalized.

I’ve held my writing inside for a very long time. As a result, the stories have morphed into multiple versions, none of which are perfect, but all are important to me. The multiple versions makes it even harder to write–I have to pin it down and make sure it works, character wise, plot wise, setting wise…

So I asked a friend on Monday shy she writes. She had a lot of reasons ready on the tip of her tongue and I realized that I didn’t need to have a large groundbreaking reason for why I write.

I could just want to.

I could just not be able to stop.

I could just want to commit the magic of a story to paper.

So let me ask you…

Why do you write?

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