H.M.C.'s Blog, page 3

Christmas all over the World

Whether you love Christmas, or you don’t … it’s celebrated far and wide.

Here’s a little snapshot of my favourite time of the year.

New Zealand

United States

 

Russia

Sweden

 

Canada

 

Africa

 

Australia

Japan

 

UK

 

Brazil

 

Merry Christmas to everyone, all over the world. May you share a day with your loved ones, and remind them how much you care, may you smile more and sing loudly, may you laugh harder and find joy in giving.

LOVE HMC

Top Ten Books that were Originally Self Published

I love lists.

LOVE THEM.

From ‘to do’ lists to the best films of the 80s. So, I decided it was time to do my own.

Please keep in mind that ‘top this or that’ lists are opinion based. You don’t have to agree with them. It makes me laugh and laugh when I read comments from irate people who disagree and take it personally. Feel free to do that below. I don’t mind.

I am writing this post because I believe in self-publishing. I believe in traditional publishing, too. But there are plenty of those lists. So … here is my top ten list of originally self published books.

10. The Celestine Prophecy by James Redfield

This book is a work of fiction, however has traditional Eastern spiritual ideas that have attracted so many readers worldwide. It’s a New York Times Bestseller and has been published by Random House. The writing is wooden, and it’s the only reason it’s my number ten.

9. Tamerlane and Other Poems, Edgar Allen Poe

This is Poe’s first ever work and was first published in 1827. While there are 12 copies left in existence, and it is believed to be America’s rarest first edition book, millions of people were glad that Poe eventually continued his writing career. I’m one of them.

8. Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn

Funny how you won’t often hear that this book was originally self-published. Crown Publishing picked it up in 2012 and since then it has made the New York Times Best Seller list.

7. Conversations with God by Neale Donald Walsch

Walsch went on to write nine other books in this series. This spiritual book can be enjoyed by those from any religion, including your everyday atheist. It’s a memoir on how the author came to find God.

6. Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain

First published in 1884, even Australians know the name of this classic piece of American literature.

5. A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens

One of the most famous Christmas stories of all time was a self-published novella by Charles Dickens. Who doesn’t know the name Ebenezer Scrooge?

4. The Elements of Style by William Strunk, Jr.

If you’re a writer, you’ve read this book. And if you haven’t, you should.

3. The Tales of Peter Rabbit by Beatrix Potter

Those who have seen the movie will know that this book was written for Noel Moore –the child of Potter’s Governess. It sold 45 million copies.

2. Heal your Body by Louise Hay

This book changed my life. So, of course, it had to be high on the list. Louise Hay has gone on to write many self-help books over the years, and runs the publishing company, Hay House.

1. A Time to Kill by John Grisham

This book is one of the reasons I started writing, so of course, it had to be my number one.

A Time to Kill was rejected multiple times and was only picked up by Doubleday after the success of his other novels: The Pelican Brief and The firm, AND after John had printed a measly 5000 copies.

There you have it!

Please feel free to add to the list in the comments.

What self-published books stand out for you?

PEACE

HMC

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Erik Erikson’s Lifespan Development Paradigm

One thing really stayed with me after studying psychology at university, and that was Erik Erikson’s Psychological Stages of Development – a lifespan development paradigm. This is mainly because I could relate to it and have seen the stages in action. While some things just left me dumbfounded, like Freud’s ‘penis envy’ or his advocacy for cocaine use, even though it was entertaining, I found no value in it.

Erikson’s stages, on the other hand, I think about approximately once a week, after learning about it nine years ago.

He suggested that during each stage of our lives we have an important ‘conflict’ to overcome. Either you do, or you don’t overcome this during each phase, and this will influence your psychological, social, emotional, and spiritual well-being.

Here they are, for interest’s sake. See if you find any value in them, too. Perhaps you can see yourself, your children, or people you know. Overall, it’s helped me to understand ME better.

Infancy: Birth to 2 years

Conflict: Trust versus Mistrust

Significant relationship: Mother

Can I trust the world? Feeding, survival and abandonment.

Here, the infant must depend entirely on their parents for survival, and this relationship and will teach the child whether the world is a trustworthy and safe place, or not. Mistrust at this stage leads to withdrawl and a lack of confidence.

Early Childhood: 2-4 years

Conflict: Autonomy versus Shame and Doubt

Significant relationship: Both parents

Is it okay to be me? Toilet training, making choices

Although the parents, if trusted, remain a safe base, children explore their autonomy. It is important to keep children safe at this age as they explore, however, highly restrictive parents can cause shame and self-doubt at this important developmental stage. Children can learn, ‘it’s not okay to be me, I have to act a certain way to get love, or to escape punishment.’

Preschool 4-5 years

Conflict: Initiative versus Guilt

Significant relationship: Close family

Is it okay for me to explore the world around me?

Independence is what sets this stage apart. This is all about the child making decisions about activities or tasks they wish to accomplish. They either succeed in these judgement calls, or they don’t. Here, children can get extremely frustrated when they cannot succeed at tasks set for them, or feel limited satisfaction from tasks that are too easy. YES, this is a time when we can start to feel ‘stupid’ or empowered.

Childhood 5-12 years

Conflict: Industry versus Inferiority

Significant relationship: School

Can I make it in this world?

Children start to see themselves more and more as individuals and the idea of getting it or doing it right become very important. Children work to gain recognition and this can be a major player in their self-confidence. Real feelings of inferiority can be developed here. Children who are more successful in their schooling are more able to resolve this conflict.

Adolescence 12-18 years

Conflict: Identity versus Role Confusion

Significant relationship: Friends, peers

Who am I?

Erikson coined the term ‘Identity Crisis’ by observing the adolescent in action. The adolescent needs to find out where they fit in within society and it can be a confusing, frustrating time. Teens need to experiment with different roles to ‘see what fits’ and feels right to them. Continued confusion can lead to a weaker sense of self, and it’s important for the adolescent to explore.

The Young Adult 19-40 years

Conflict: Intimacy versus Isolation

Significant Relationship: Partner/mate

Can I love?

This conflict is emphasized around the age of 30 where many GESTALT psychologists suggest the real ‘mid-life crisis’ occurs. We have a readiness to isolate ourselves if betrayed in a romantic relationship and can build walls that stay up for years after. Building long-term, solid relationships are important, romantically, and through having children. Young adults still want friends and must juggle these demands.

Middle Adulthood 40-65 years

Conflict: Generativity versus Stagnation

Significant Relationship: Family at home/collegues

Can I make my life count?

In my view, this conflict is the most interesting. It is, in a sense, a culmination of all other conflicts and the ‘climax’ of all that has come before, versus the disappointment of stagnation.

“Generativity, then is primarily the concern in establishing and guiding the next generation …”

~ Erik Erikson

Generativity can be within the wider community or in the home, but no matter what, the middle adult must feel they make a difference in order to be psychologically, socially, emotionally, and spiritually healthy.

Maturity 65 and beyond

Conflict: Ego Integrity versus Despair

Significant Relationship: The Self and mankind

It is okay to have been me?

This is the time where we look back at our lives with either pride or regret. A sense of pride at our achievements, or who we have been, leads to Ego Integrity or a feeling of wisdom and knowing. Regrets and guilt lead to despair, and a loss of hope to make things right. This is where we find the time to repent, or to rejoice, with the choices we’ve made.

There are other philosophies on lifespan development. This one in particular rang true for me. Where are you at?

PEACE

HMC

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White Feather

In my drawer sits a white feather,

full of broken promises,

misplaced love,

and cowardice.

It’s not heavy, though,

I once thought it to be.

But that was my burden,

one that made a stronger back,

no longer weary bones.

 

 

And if I met you again,

this feather would be my only gift.

 

 

Visit HMC’s official site

My Little Surburban Vegetable Garden

I’ve always wanted to grow my own herbs and vegetables, and eventually, fruit trees. However, I’ve never had the space to do it, until we bought our house.

My father in law built me this 3 by 4 metre squared patch, and I absolutely LOVE it.

Inspired by a friend, Carson, who posts about her amazing garden (mine is laughable in comparison … check it out HERE) I thought I’d share. Why? Because I sin in pride.

This is my space! It’s spring here in Australia. I planted a few things recently and they are coming along beautifully.

Chillies. These babies have been there for two years now and soon I’ll transfer them into large pots. They are much hotter this year than the year before.

Capsicum. If you look closely, in the centre, you can see my little green capsicum. This plant is also 2 years old and the capsicums are much bigger than they were last year. I’ll move these ones into pots when they’re strong enough, too.

Rosemary and Thyme. These suckers have been around for about two and half years now. I love my rosemary and thyme with a good Sunday roast.

These baby lettuce were planted right at the end of winter. They’re are a month and a half old.

This plant was an accident. Last year I saw some white cucumber for sale at Bunnings. It was the perfect time to plant them but one thing I DIDN’T research was how much space they took up. This baby started to take over my entire patch, so I had to move it, and it sadly died from shock. Well, this year it’s all of a sudden popped up again. I’ll pull it out soon and try to nurture it. Where the heck will I put it, though?

Parsley. This plant is way bigger than it looks, at around 60 cm wide. There’s only so much parsley you need. I’m thinking of creating a vertical herb garden with small pots.

Tomatoes. Once upon a time, I didn’t love tomatoes. Things have changed since then but it seems the tomatoes remember and they haven’t forgiven me. My last batch grew beautifully and didn’t ripen (not enough sun). This batch are taking a long time to grow (too much sun) but I may have found the answer. I was chatting to random person at an event about my tomatoes, as you do, and she said to feed them once a week. I’m going to give it a try.

Maybe, in about a month or two, I’ll be able to make an entire salad with all of my own ingredients. Hubby said, except the cheese, as apparently I’m not allowed a dairy cow. Can’t for the life of me understand why.

Thanks for the visit

PEACE

HMC

Hayley Merelle Clearihan

The Beauty Myth

In 1991 Naomi Wolf suggested that images of beauty were being used against women in order to control their social and political status.

She makes several intriguing points in her book, ‘The Beauty Myth.’

“The more legal and material hindrances women have broken through, the more strictly and heavily and cruelly images of female beauty have come to weigh upon us… [D]uring the past decade, women breached the power structure; meanwhile, eating disorders rose exponentially and cosmetic surgery became the fastest-growing specialty… [P]ornography became the main media category, ahead of legitimate films and records combined, and thirty-three thousand American women told researchers that they would rather lose ten to fifteen pounds than achieve any other goal…More women have more money and power and scope and legal recognition than we have ever had before; but in terms of how we feel about ourselves physically, we may actually be worse off than our unliberated grandmothers”

I’d like to suggest another layer to this. Not only has the beauty myth engulfed our lives, and especially the lives of our young women, but the beauty industry is feeding off the self-loathing it creates through these ‘impossible to achieve images.’

The images being portrayed as beautiful are getting so difficult to achieve that even models and gorgeous women in the music and movie industries can’t do it. Photos and screen shots are modified to match the slimmer look. Women are starving themselves to ‘look the part.’ Why wouldn’t our young girls follow suit? Many of these women are their idols and role models. It’s become so important to look good, other more important goals fall by the wayside. It’s a sick and twisted reality.

Then there are the stars fighting the trends, including Beyonce Knowles, who has been upset several times over magazines ‘trimming’ her body, including the most recent H&M Summer Collection shoot.

She’s a role model portraying a beauty image that goes against the trends and she was right when she said, ‘I don’t think you’re ready for this jelly.’

The problem of being too thin is certainly a worrisome trend in the western world, but the thing that is most worrisome here is that the beauty industry follows trends AT ALL. It’s such a dangerous thing to assume that one look is the look. Women are not represented appropriately in this industry in our vast shapes and sizes, and it’s tearing us apart.

          

Beauty Icons: ‘Monroe’ and ‘Twiggy’ changed the beauty trends in their time. In the 50s Monroe helped to sell products to put weight on — skinny bikini bodies weren’t trendy. In fact being called skinny was a negative thing. When Twiggy came along in the 60s, the trend swung the opposite way and products to lose weight flew off shelves.  

The less likely we are to achieve these beauty goals, the more likely we are to spend time and money on the effort. Weight loss, make-up, clothing, cosmetic surgery – the beauty industry is a multi-billion dollar business and the more we are displeased with the way we look, the better.

So, is it fair to say the beauty industry depends on our self-loathing in order to make money? I say yes it does. And we need to start seeing it for the joke it really is.

 

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Invasion of the People Pleasers

Sometimes it doesn’t seem to matter what you do, the rug is pulled out from under your bottom and you fall on one cheek so hard you bite your tongue off. You do that in front of about 400 of the most important people you could ever think of and they all laugh and point their fingers.

Tragedy.

That’s how it feels, anyway. It’s not really what happens (usually) but that how it feels.

For me it happens when I’m trying to do something playful, inventive, creative, and I get taken the wrong way, or people think I’m coming from a place other than a good one. This hurts quite a bit, because I rarely come from a bad place – unless of course you mess with my family, or touch my chocolate.

So, often, the way people have taken something has nothing to do with me at all. It comes from their experiences, what they think of people as a whole, how people have treated them in their lives recently. I have no control over that, nor do I have any control over the way people take me.

Even though I know better: each experience whereby I’m taken the wrong way leaves me feeling flat and disappointed.

I mean, on the catastrophe scale, whereby up the top I’m being eaten by a shark and down low I’ve forgotten to do my tax return, it’s relatively low. So why am I so affected? Oh, that’s right … the good old, ‘caring what people think’ paradigm. It stems way back to infancy when we were praised for doing the right thing and disciplined for misbehaviour. We aim to please people to get that positive reinforcement and good feeling vibe that comes with the nod of the head and the pat on the back. And, when the opposite happens, it’s heart-breaking.

So, I’m not going to attempt to eradicate the desire to please people from my life, I’m pretty sure that’s impossible. However, when I make a mistake, or am taken the wrong way, I will try hard to see it all for what it truly is: a brain chemical reaction to an event that more than likely will have no impact on me or my life within the next six months.

Yes I’ll take on board advice, yes I’ll grow and learn, but I WON’T allow other people’s perceptions of me to become the way I perceive myself. AND I won’t stand on my head to please the peanut gallery – that’s how the rug gets pulled out from under you, and you fall and bite your tongue off.

PEACE

HMC

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Now That You’re a Parent

Nothing truly belongs to you

Charlie’s 1st Birthday

When you step in something gooey or sticky, it’s not shocking
Your standard of what clean looks like changes dramatically
Clean clothes means there’s no vomit
You can function on 2-4 hours of sleep a night for a while, but after a month or so, you start hallucinating
Rather than judge a parent in a supermarket with a screaming child, you pat them on the back and give them a sympathetic smile
Other things matter less
You’ve got every corner cover, electric socket cover, cupboard safety latch, gate and gadget to keep your child safe, but they’ll always find something dangerous to play with
You relax about what really IS dangerous
Gross loses meaning
You plan to NEVER use a pacifier, walker, or T.V to make them happy

Hahahahahahahahaha

You stop judging other parents so much

And … of course, though your life is messier and smellier, it’s also richer, funnier, and a whole lot of love heart-filled awesomeness and unicorn farts

PEACE

 

HMC

 

Visit HMC’s official site HERE

Pedigree Dentastix and Doggy Epilepsy

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“Fin” Having a snooze, only to be woken by the crazy lady with the camera.

Around six months ago we ended up at the vet with our Finnish Lapphund, Fin. It was terrifying. My relaxed, easy going (sometimes a little slow in comparison to our intelligent Keeshond, Pudding) was all of a sudden whacking out.

He was barking at the fence, something either dogs rarely do, and then came the frothing. Fin was rubbing himself against the panels as if trying to get something off him and the foam from his mouth had me scared he’d tried to engulf a toad. I’d seen it before in my mother’s Bull Terrier, Milly, who thankfully survived (rest her soul now, our beautiful family dog). I got hubby and he freaked out so much so, that all of a sudden I became the brains of the business, and he the brawn. We lifted him and took him to the vet emergency clinic.

After an examination and blood test, Finny boy came back fine. Right as rain, in fact. Ants? A spider? The vet wasn’t so sure, but we could go home. So, we let it go.

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“Pudding” Our gorgeous Keeshond.

Two months later, it happened again. This time, he barked and went off his head so ferociously I thought he’d devoured the next door neighbour’s cat. I raced around the side (the same safe haven he retreated to last time) and there he was having a seizure on the grass. My poor beautiful, gentle-natured doggy. I knew then, he had epilepsy … or at least was prone to some type of seizure.

As any mamma would do, I did some research. Doctor Google, I believe the professionals call it.

I know a bit about epilepsy, as friend of mine has it, however I knew nothing of doggy seizures. Firstly, Fin comes from a prized breeder with no genetic epilepsy in the family. The only thing I came up with was that maybe he was allergic to something.

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“Fin”
I’m ready for my close up now.

Vets will swear black and blue that diet in dogs has nothing to do with epilepsy and they simply need to be medicated. Being the hippy I am, I called bullshit. Every disease is aggravated by certain foods … EVERY disease. Call me out in the comments if I’m wrong. So I wondered what might have triggered the seizures in Fin.

There was only ONE thing we’d done differently in the past six months with his diet and that was DENTASTIX.

I was feeding them one a day for their teeth.

I stopped feeding it to them that day and Fin hasn’t had a seizure since.

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“Pudding”

Maybe he will down the track, maybe he won’t. What I want to know is, what do people think? Has anyone had any experience with foods and seizures? Lastly, could it be caused by an allergen to a specific ingredient?

Thanks for the visit!

PEACE

HMC

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For My Baby Girl

Dear Baby Girl,

Most advice that people give you will fall upon deaf ears until you’ve experienced it for yourself, so go make your own mistakes.

Regardless of the fact our advice is useful only AFTER you’ve made those mistakes, (you’ll turn and say, ‘oh that’s what you were talking about’) I’ll still give it to you anyway.

Learn to laugh at yourself and others, but never put yourself down to make others feel better.

Never try to achieve the ‘body’ the media is telling you should achieve. It will change, and you’ll always be unhappy. Treat your body with love and respect, and it will do the same for you.

Sometimes it’s less important to know what to say, and more important to know when to stop talking (one from Daddy).

Animals and small children can remind you about life, and how to live it.

Find out what it is that you love as early as you can.

It’s okay to change your mind.

No one has power over you. NO ONE.

Asking for help makes you stronger, not weaker.

You have your own guidance system, listen to it.

Sometimes all you need is full-belly cry, or a full-belly laugh. Preferably both, one after the other.

Always take more changes of underwear than you think you’ll need.

Love Mamma

PEACE
HMC
CHECK OUT the reviews for HMC’s new Thriller WHITE WALLS: CLICK HERE