Jordan Page's Blog

"Porter Court" Lyrics

I was not on the ark
When it began to rain
I was just too busy
Sulking inside my pain
 
Trying to find my heart
Without any light
It’s just too dark to see
It’s like it’s not even mine
 
Oooo
I trust in my own misery
And the destitute inside of me
 
With violet skies overhead
I’m drowning so fast I cannot breath
With violent lies, I’m overfed
With all the things we could never be
 
I wanted justice with all my might
That I couldn’t even spell the word right
Kept on replacing the c with an n
Did...

Welcome to Heartbreak (JLV: A Sort-Of Poem)

Today I got into an accident (don’t worry: I’m okay). I cracked open my skull is all, and then I broke my nose about two minutes later due to the concussion I thought I didn’t have, but that’s okay. Really, I’m fine. I’ll survive. But there was a point in which I thought that I was going to die; that my brain was swelling; that I was going to have permanent brain damage or that my nose—which I hadn’t yet seen, but felt like a bowling ball had crashed into it—resembled Owen Wilson’s. The way I...

Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award...

... you guys just don't get it, do you?

Please take that as constructive criticism, not a hateful, bitter statement. What am I talking about? you are probably wondering when you start reading this. In fact, it's probably going to be 2015, you probably just Googled "Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award" and found this blog entry and clicked on it.

Is that so? Keep reading, please.

The Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award ruined my life. I'm saying that as a fact. I had put my entire life on hold -- my re...

Why Goodreads Doesn't Work

Goodreads is the Facebook for readers. At least, that's how I always looked at it before I started self-publishing my own short stories. When I became a "Goodreads Author," that all changed. At that point it wasn't just about finding books to read; it was about finding readers to read my book.

That within itself is a cool idea; indie authors (like Hugh Howey), or big authors (like Stephen King) can connect with fans of their books directly. Look at Stephen King's Facebook page: how many of tho...

Resident Evil: Red Falls - Trailer #3

Trailer # 3 ladies and gents. Make sure you share it. We're almost at 200,000 YouTube views

WOOL (Review)

A lot of people will say that Wool is the greatest science fiction novel in decades. And then you’ll have the occasional straggler who says Wool is utterly overrated. The thing is, if you’ve discovered Woolprior to its Simon & Schuster-published release on March 12th, 2013, then you very likely specifically searched for dystopian or post-apocalyptic books—more likely than not, you found Wool on countless Goodreads lists or maybe a blog or two (plus, at the time, Wool’s Omnibus edition was...

Gifts for the Serious Reader: Book Series

    Firstly, this is a list of only five book series. In case I don't choose your favorite franchise, don't be offended. For this list, I mostly stayed away from young adult series (with the exception of Abarat), since young adult series seem to be blowing up pop culture lately; plus I really want to give recognition to series that are underappreciated (with the exception of A Song of Ice and Fire, but even so, I fear many will skip the books and just watch the master...

Glenn Howerton Always Gets Shot in the Head (in Philadelphia)

I am very surprised I'm the first person to blog about this (considering that the Google search I did, I got zero results). But it is interesting and therefore I'm going to pop the cherry on this intriguing matter. As the title suggests: Glenn Howerton (from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia) gets shot in the head often.

1) In Serenity (2005):
 
2) In 2008's The Strangers (starring Liv Tyler and Scott Speedman):


3) In Crank 2: High Voltage this happens:
 4) And then, in the It's Always...

The Resident Evil: Red Falls Argument

Bare with me. I’m comparing Resident Evil: Red Falls with Linkin Park’s Minutes to Midnight. Why? Because it isn’t what the general audience expected from a Resident Evil fan film, but it is what the hardcore, faithful Resident Evil fans wanted, even if they missed the old puzzle solving days. The truth is, as The Joker says, "There's no going back"; likewise, Resident Evil can only go forward. Yes, the franchise has been missing its mark, but it has seen the error of its way. And, like Linki...

9 Ways to Save Resident Evil 7

The apotheosis of all theses pertaining to horror was stated in Danny Boy’s sort-of-zombie-epic 28 Days Later, in which the scientist at the very beginning of the film says, “In order to cure, you must first understand.”
          With that being said, I’ve composed a list of everything that CAPCOM should avoid in Resident Evil 7, and what they should bring into the mix.
 
1. NO MORE PARTNERS
         ...