Shellie Palmer's Blog, page 3

What Joy Does To A Woman Who’s Struggled With Living With Abuse

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In time, it took days even months to finding a sense of joy and happiness in my life since the abuse.  Learning new ways to love myself, putting myself first and taking the time to discover a new way of life and living. It’s not an easy task. Many women who I have become to know from private groups as well Twitter still remain to find joy and happiness in their lives. It takes months even years to find it.  Joy comes from a place within your heart, and once the heart is removed from the body healing seems impossible. The heart is an organ, once it stops beating even for a mere second the body shuts down. It’s a surviving mechanism and pulling yourself through survival  is a daunting task, quite the challenge. How can we even find,search or look for joy and happiness when the heart is removed from the body? You don’t. The loss of self worth, self esteem and self love are gone and to find it is no where in sight. You’re not sure who to turn to or count on, and I didn’t at first. It comes in time who you can turn to and count on because trust is gone, you don’t know who you can trust let alone love because we’re not loving ourselves. That is what us women go through regardless of what form of abuse it is. You can see the scars from domestic and physical abuse, you don’t see it from an external point in the form of mental, emotional, verbal and sexual abuse. The scars the bruises are internal from all organs. So how do we find joy and happiness?

 

The moment I began to forgive the abuser was the first step, the treatments, the time for myself, time to feel the pain, the hurt, the betrayal. Sitting in the discomfort felt like an elephant sitting on top of my chest. I couldn’t breathe, the depression and anxiety flipped and flopped back and forth. Loud noises became extremely sensitive on my body as much mentally. I found that grounding and mindfulness were the top of the coping skills list for me. I began seeing the world again going to the park hitting the hiking trails exploring nature. Nature is my therapy. Then in time music filled me up again as it once did. Music and nature, by far the best grounding techniques. It came to be that my heart was returning getting placed right back where it belonged. In my body. The pieces were broken just to find a way to be placed together. It’s much like a puzzle, knowing where the pieces go and which pieces to be replaced. After a couple months went by I knew where my place was and that was in fact volunteer work. Getting involved with Stark Parks of Stark County Ohio joy was happening. Being around children brought me joy, seeing the animals and those who fill up our outside world, joy too. There were parts of me returning yet a lot me still missing. I couldn’t place it. Someone helped me find it. “You deserve happiness Shellie”, he said to me. “I feel you’re pain”, he said. “Talk to me, tell me what’s in you’re heart”. I did and remain to. I was afraid, scared in fact to trust him as I no longer could trust anyone. I knew who I could trust and turn to. He gave me considerable time yet at the same time he made me feel at peace. I had several broken pieces to repair and much of it I did on my own yet still had him by my side on the bad days I had. He knew, he just did. I needed someone to listen and understand my situation. Not all bad happens, there is good and it brought me happiness. The spark was only hiding. I had it all along, I just didn’t know it. I  developed joy within me and the happiness was an added bonus. Through it all and even still do he’s always there when I need him. He motivates me, encourages, supports me in all that I do, and he knows me more than myself at times. hahaha….

People come and go in our lives, the moment someone good and wonderful comes along you’re scared, afraid because of the abuse you’ve lived, living in fear not knowing where you’re place is. Letting someone back in too soon will only cause much more pain to confusion, to keeping you from the self worth, self love and self compassion you need for yourself. Take the time for you and you only even when you want to help others along the way. You are important. Regardless of  several coping skills and techniques yet not having it will take much much longer to survive to moving forward. There’s a reason for each passing season. As women we carry a heavy load, burdens and responsibilities. We are worth to have joy and happiness from living with abuse we once had or maybe currently in. It’s finding the new you in the process. It took more than a year for me to find it, there are days that I don’t feel happy though. When the happy times happen I enjoy it.

Women are worth so much and we deserve love, joy and happiness in our lives even when the heart is placed back into the body, otherwise the body is only living on borrowed time. We need each other to encourage, support and motivate whether you have a man in you’re life or not. We all find our place.

 

Where Is Home?

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In a time of  not knowing where my real home is, is a fear yet at the same I’m waiting for where my real home sweet home is. I’m shifting through a highly difficult transition in my life, and I’m ready for the change and as to where it will take me. In my heart of hearts it will be an adventure and finally at the age of 42 ready to settle down which I never wanted until now. There’s so much happiness and joy in my life, and when I think of it I sparkle. My spark was lost for 4 long years. It lead me down the rabbit hole life was a fantasy also a blur. In the blink of an eye I wasn’t the person who I was, in part of it some of me came back. I went from a victim in my own home, a prisoner of my mind, body and spirit. Somehow God was watching, he pulled me through the veins of hell. I remain to fight the demons that want to plague me at times.

Living with massive to major depression, high functioning anxiety and PTSD  has it’s high’s and low’s. I’m navigating through it, not to let it hinder me and nor does my learning disabilities. I’m normal, highly independent and when push comes to shove I will put someone in their place even when it comes to them being in my home. Gas lighting happens in families and it’s in mine as I continue to learn more on gas lighting and as well narcissistic abuse .

Regardless of what will come in the coming months I’ll get through it with the right people in my life. Those who give me joy and happiness that which make me sparkle.

Home is where the heart is and when it comes to be I’ll know and that is what matters most, to have love, joy, happiness and reason to believe.

There’s life to live even with living with depression, anxiety and PTSD. It’s how to navigate through it the best you can.

 

The intensity of my writing is what it is, as to where I am and going in life. No one will ever see the fragile me as I once was. I’m vulnerable, yet stronger, wiser, smarter and tougher around the edges. Yes, there’s the sensitivity, heart and spirit I live. It’s who I am, and you’ll get it much more. It will hit you in the gut when you least expect it to.

The Poem: Home Sweet Home

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Why I Self Published And What It Means To Succeed Not With Greed

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At one given point in my life I absolutely had no direction let alone any set plans what I wanted out of life, so I worked blue collar jobs. Yes, I had them. Through the time of darkness, no direction as to working a retail job I wrote and wrote quite often. Morning, noon and night to be exact in journals, notebooks, a diary and several spiral notebooks. Mostly they were testimony’s of my days and of poetry. I didn’t utilize it though and only read my poetry to my dearest closest friends which are few in the hand basket. Yep, absolutely only a handful. I liked it that way. At one point they asked me, “Why don’t you try and publish these writings? “There good Shellie.”  I didn’t really think of it until later on when I began submitting my poems into some poetry contests. I was stunned they were even published in a book of poetry. I can’t recall the name of the book though. All that time working a part-time retail job I felt stuck as if my life wasn’t going anywhere just living day to day at my job. I had to work to make money to pay my bills which are few, yet that is life though. There’s no way around it.

The first time sharing my writings were in poetry community groups on Google plus and there of. It was weird doing such a thing, at the same time I thought maybe it could help someone make the connection and relate, and not knowing that they were. After some time I met a songwriter out of Texas who adored my writing style. I incorporate life experience, thoughts, feelings and emotions physically speaking in my writing, to also guidance from the Lord. I have a strong sense of faith in him and found myself becoming much more spiritual than religious. I attended church and became regular even though there were weekends I simply didn’t want to go. I was nudged. My friendship with Michelle Brumble emerged and we collaborated together on a song. It was so nice. She eventually mentioned something about e-book which I knew nothing about. I soon found myself researching what self -publishing was and came across some small press publishing company’s I submitted to, and let me just say these were rough draft manuscripts of my book The Poetry Diaries. I did all the art work from cover to graphic design which I did by hand and my own photography. Two small press publishers wanted to work with me however, it was me to hand over my copyrights and pay up to $3,000 to publish with them.  I walked into a lawyers office to seek for advice. He told me that once I give my consent to one of the publishers would be a risky move, and frankly forking over that much money would mean giving up my original work. To this very day I’m glad I took his advice as it made clear sense not to hand over my original work, what I wrote for more than 15 years. It’s all mine.

I went through the working grind with each single passing day, working and non working days to get any resources I could on self publishing and through all of it I became a regular blogger on country music as my love for music intertwines quite a bit with my writing style as well. My life in words is a country song. Social media became all the rage and I knew nothing all while writing daily, working my job and submitting poems in poetry contests. I had a lot on my plate. It came to the point my book work intertwined with operating and owning an official country music blogging website. It took me on several adventures. I worked tiredlessly 24/7 online and offline. I didn’t have a life of my own.

I realized my book was more of my focus although the music industry business was taking off more than my book. I began to reconsider at times what I wanted more, and I wanted both. It was a balancing act between the two. I made it work for awhile. I was scheduled some speaking events to promote my book and did a few book signings. The people I met through them made an impact. It inspired them to look at their own lives.  That was the moment I knew this was my grand purpose in life and that was and is my writing. What I write isn’t sugar and all fluff, it’s all me.

In time I became aware of what self publishing really is and the work that goes into it. I made the right decision to go that route. I don’t run on deadlines, I have complete control over editing and proof reading, marketing and promotion. It’s a lot on my plate, and I wouldn’t want it any other way.

Over the course of 5 years I managed to self publish 5 books from an 8 part series which floored me considering it only began with one. The Journey Collection series is it in a nutshell, my life’s journey. I found myself doing more speaking events and in time was asked at church to read, although it wasn’t my books. I’m not really a public speaker. Once I did get up to the podium, opened my mouth the nerves were lifted. Anyone who’s ever done a speaking event will tell you nerves and stage fright happen.So, I’m not the only one.

NOTE! If you’re a writer looking to publish your work and consider to self -publish you won’t become an overnight success. Many who publish independently struggle financially, and I am one of many. Don’t expect to make millions. I’ve talked with some self published authors who let the whole idea get to their heads only to make millions. It’s a huge let down.  Greed is ugly in the publishing world. Do it for the right reasons and not to make a huge name out of yourself.

I write for therapy, I write for passion, and I write to be a voice for others. That is my grand purpose in writing and as a self published author. It is just who I am.  People drive me to write, and people inspire me as well.  I came so very close to giving it up until someone highly influential in my life reminded me of my passions in life, to even a highly supportive relative who nudged me why I wrote to begin with. Yeah, that was it and now I’m fully a full time writer, author and balancing life all together.

I self published for me and not for anyone else and to try and make a name for myself either. I self published for you the reader, aspiring writers. That is what it is and who I am, and my books mean something. It’s substance, real and authentic. You get me out of them and see yourself through it.

Here are links back to The Journey Collection Series post as to my recent blog on how to improve your memory on reading and writing.

About The Book Series

The Journey Collection Book Series

How To On Improving Our Memory By Writing and Reading

How To On Improving Our Memory By Writing and Read

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As I steer away from mental health posting for the time being I’m bringing to the forefront the importance of writing and how it improves our intelligence. No, you don’t need a degree to be a world known best selling author/writer let alone a newbie to a writing community. All it is, is the love and passion to write, maybe it’s a hobby or simply a way of therapy. It comes in all forms, fiction, non-fiction, poetry, self help, thriller, suspense, drama, comedy or romance. It could be sci-fi even. Regardless what you write, write because you like doing it. It could be a grand purpose of your’s. I hear from so many people who want to write a book on their life story which I praise folks for doing. Just know before you start that you’re doing it for the right reasons. There’s a lot of greed in the world and those who are only in it for the money will have a rude awakening when it comes to them.

There are resources and affiliate links here to help you along your writing journey. I take into account in which I post to share with among the writing community and self-published business who I do work with. 

NOTE! I don’t get paid, make money and have yet to step up my business account here at the official website as I’m still under a free domain.

The importance of this post is how writing improves our memory and better our intelligence. Writing at least 10 to 20 minutes a day enhances what we take in from conversations with people, and I mean in physical form, person to person contact. No texting or messaging someone doesn’t count. The greatest stories are from the people we meet in person.

I was told once that if you wake up every morning to write and the last thing to do at night is to write you’re a writer. I live by this as I write morning, noon and night, and it’s not always typing. I write long handed in notebooks, I journal, write poetry, even write my thoughts of the day and as to when I do it’s not always in that order either.  Writing has a way to bring the most out of me emotionally, mentally and physically speaking. I visually and expressively see and feel it, and as an introvert it makes complete sense. Most people see me as an out going talkative person when truthfully I’m the complete opposite. I absorb what’s around me, how I feel, what I think, how I act, conversation with someone. I take it all in and turn it into what I write.  That is what’s real. Cause what you get is truth and realness. No fluff and snuff as I call it.

A good a story is a real one all laid out bare boned and all. Some of the greatest stories told are memoir’s, autobiographies told by the person themselves. Real life experience is so to speak a true testament, and it’s inspiring.

Taking time to read someone’s life’s story  will leave you questioning you’re own and what you’re meant to do with you’re life. Whether it is reading 5 to 10 minutes a day will help  improve your memory as well, and getting to know someone through writing prompts in an online writing community opens the flood gates to better writing even. We’re all learning and teaching one another through words, stories and experiences.

Here are a few self publishing services and writing communities. Realistic Poetry International and Writer’s Spot Blog both have services and writing communities at their official sites. Feel free to join these services to help guide you on you’re writing journey. These are affiliate links with products. Again, I don’t get paid for posting them in return.

Realistic Poetry International

Tablo Publishing

Untamed Publishing

Writer’s Spot Blog

 

Emotionally Ready: The Road To Recovery

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The biggest challenge I faced was to officially come out of hiding. The fear was immensely debilitating to me and it consumed my life. All behind the smile I was extremely lost living in a dark place not knowing myself, my self-esteem was gone. I was angered, confused and brutally attacked emotionally. My mental well being completely stretched, out of sync and worn out all while every bit of me was trying to heal.  It came in waves. The waves were rocky and unsettling, and to say they were smooth would be a lie. It wasn’t always smooth sailing.

I’m saying it like it is, and where I am now isn’t where I was before, on the yo-yo affect which I hated terribly.  It’s time for me now finding the real me through all the baggage I carried, yet still do through my recovery.

I blamed and shamed myself for over two years, carried a ton of guilt for what I was involved with to also the relationship in which was good from the beginning. It wasn’t after all just a ploy, a game and a sham. He screwed with my mental and emotional instability that which led to incredible physical attacks on my body all due to the mental and emotional abuse. I’m now at the point in wanting to forgive him yet having a difficult time to. I’m learning to forgive myself first and to love me again.

I’m ready to move on although the pain, hurt and betrayal still has a hold on me. The insomnia, memories and at times some flashbacks come on. Of all the coping skills I’ve taken with me from all four separate times in group therapy and counseling sessions has done me good. I’m applying them daily when any of these occur. The tensity I carry on myself remains to be a challenge, so I’m continuing to be kinder on me.

Most definitely on my way recovering in which I’m finding happiness and some sort of closure. Having complete closure though is taking considerable time. I’m ready for what’s to come and to discuss my recovery with other’s to implement change and guidance. The times I talk in discussion groups has made all the difference. I’m never alone.

I’m linking back to a much earlier blog post that which ties into this blog

Healing & Recovery All While Living With Mental Illness

 

 

 

The Sweeter Side Of Living With Mental Illness

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Living with mental illness differs from person to person mentally, emotionally as well physically. I talk with my fellow warriors via twitter, some say there far more and complicated than mine, or are they?

I very well know when the good days happen and I like them, no intrusive thoughts, no over thinking or ruminating, no physical pain (which when they do come on the upper left quadrant of my rib cage becomes painful, to other bodily functions I can’t control), I get to singing along to the music I listen to, I have the energy to clean and work, which in fact is writing, working on book revisions, designing for my design portfolio, and I don’t over sleep. I find time to get out of the house and go places that I enjoy such as going to Tai Chi classes, walks in the park, going to see a movie and simply have a good drive. I can actually function which immensely helps my physical well being. A good day in fact boosts self-esteem which I’ve struggled with for quite a long time. My insecurities remain a challenge though. I began a sketch book of self affirmation quotes with illustrations. I go to them when the insecurities pop up, and as of lately not so much of the insecurities have occurred which has been stupendous to say the very least. However lately struggling  with insomnia and restless leg syndrome.

I must say not every day will be a good day it’s taking every day as it comes, and enjoy the good ones that which matter the most. So there is a sweet side to living with mental illness it’s knowing when it happens, and like I said everyone differs from the sweet side.  I’m going to run it down to a list, and the list is a bit long which consist of several good moments I hear from others including myself.

High energy levels
Boost in mood such as happiness, joy, peace, and over all smiling
no chronic pain or aching joints
no body tension ((in a relaxed state)
physical productivity (no fatigue)
enjoyment with others and interaction
no isolation
taking walks
gaining interest in hobbies
spending time with animals
cooking
crafts and art
reading
spending time with friends and family
attending church
Attending a concert or special events
journal writing

 

It all comes down to being in the present moment, breathing, touching, smell, taste and hear which is basically grounding techniques to keep the mind and body at bay, balanced. It’s a difficult process and it takes time and patience to work through your mind and body, emotionally and physically.  There’s no time frame, limit. Go at your own speed. For those who work a full time job the difficulties a little harder, especially with having children. There’s not so much as easier times, it is merely taking it one day at a time like I said.

The sweet side is beauty and we want and need to hold onto it as long as we can.

Living With Mental Illness and The Affects It Has On The Survivor with Tips To Stay Safe Online

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When I initially began to open up in the fall of 2018 I had such severe fear of being followed, harassed, assaulted in  my place of work. The only time of absolute joy was far from online work activity which were tai chi classes, book club, walks in the park, bible study, church and volunteering. I found my place and it wasn’t online, it was far from it.  In time though a pattern began to occur that was incredibly unsettling to me in which the fear returned and not for the best to say the least stepping away from work again. My work, my passion to connect with readers through the book series I began over 20 years ago that led me to self-publishing in 2013. Everything from book revisions, scheduling book reviews, poetry contests, etc. All my writing on complete hold again. It was my support group though who I turned to as they have been there for me from the beginning and I’m so grateful for them. I go to them when I feel the fear when I begin to slip and I have hence forth finally getting myself into trauma counseling as due to the online relationship and so forth in which lasted 2 years too long as I’ve said when officially coming out. All the fear, anger and hostility was raging and not in a good way. I never knew I had so much of it to be honest.

Now that I’m slowing working again the fear is dwindling a bit.  I word my blogs differently yet at the same time I’m speaking the truth, no fluff period. I’m tougher, wiser and completely real as I have always been and always will be. Facts are facts. Online abuse is real and it’s damaging. I would have never known it. I’m now learning what it did to me and how to protect myself now yet at the same time talking with other women who live with the trauma of abuse whether it’s domestic or sexual. Abuse is abuse. On this platform I’m on it has become my mission to speak up on such a difficult topic and issue.

The tools I’m about to share are well worth it right here.

change privacy settings on social media
add additional security
report, block and mute conversations that aren’t topic related on social media
join closed support groups
don’t interact, stop communication when being harassed
carefully refrain from cursing swear words
spend no longer than 1 to 2 hours a day on any social media outlets
remain productive physically ( stay at home mom’s this one’s for you )
don’t share any private or intimate information
follow only blue verified check marks ( entertainment, businesses, world leaders for online self-employment)
delete DM chats specifically for private matters

 

Once you open yourself up to online activity you’re opening yourself to the dark side, and the dark side will suck you in as far as it can and destroy you. You don’t know exactly where it’s lurking as it can be anywhere.  It took me and changed my life and my well being. As little as 30 minutes anymore online, any reminders of the person who used, abused and taken advantage of me through a public figure knew what he was doing. I can barely watch any footage and when I do I turn it off of this human being, musician, songwriter entertainer. I merely support him in other ways now. That is just how it is.

Knowing, having a mental illness after a complete diagnosis trigger responses are different for everyone. It is a mental, emotional and physical combination. Those of you who read this I know it will be difficult or maybe help you in the long run.

 

Shellie Palmer

 

 

 

 

 

Coming Out Of Silence: Why I Stopped Hiding From Fear

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In the spring of 2017 during a 6 week course of group therapy, counseling, one on one with a psychologist and therapist was diagnosed with high functioning anxiety as to massive to major depression. To begin with it was someone who kept me from speaking up and openly about him. At the time he knew of my medical condition  I believed him, confided and even loved him dearly, as unconditionally as I was to him. I remained silent as he would tell me not say anything, talk about him in counseling and groups. I kept my promise and did just that not knowing he was a narcissist. His charm, sincerity, control, sweet talk and demands I took in stride as I loved him, to remain faithful to him when really he didn’t truly love, care or worry though acted as he did checking up on me often or not at all for that matter. I continued sending packages out for him, remained in contact and normal errands. As much as I was away from social media my soul was truly lost. I lived in a dark world, and it was dark at times. I made considerable progress through counseling and therapy. After those six weeks all was good at least I thought anyway.

There were days we talked endlessly, at one point we talked directly by phone however he didn’t want me to hear his real voice. It was a disguised phone. Talking about such things from family to more intimate matters. I’m not talking of this nature, although at some point I will. We wanted the same things, wanted to be together. Each time though he talked his way around it creating excuses and stories such as he was robbed, mugged at gun point fearing for his life. I felt sorry for him, I worried. What a hoax. At one point the biggest story of all telling me he feared someone or many were brainwashing me to thinking I was no good for him. He didn’t want us being torn apart. The one who brainwashed me was him to which led me to relapse at least two other separate times. Again, I didn’t come out much about him. I did though and told him straight up I was. He demanded, controlled me to not say anything more. I needed to, for. The more I internalized my emotions, thoughts and feelings my behavior was erratic at times and to fluctuate causing  physical illness. The more I internalized the worse it would get.

Ah yes! the breaking point when in doubt created the story he was to commit suicide coming up with the plan to write out the note/ message, have it announced coming out to the public since he’s a public figure (online imposter actually posing, stealing the identity of a musician songwriter)  before hanging himself. It was all a hoax, only a story to make me feel sorry for him, to crawl right back to him, into his lies and deception.  Once I cut off all contact much more was waiting in the wings. Phone calls and several of them a day to text messages, many of the calls were coming through other lines never answering any of them. I began to self doubt myself as to why I was even involved with him. A fool, stupid, blame and shame all overcame me to the point of severe suicidal thoughts. I didn’t act it out, I had intent of the plans. The fear was much more for me to even bare. “Would I ever find love, asking myself. Will anyone want to ever be with me? Am I good enough?” All these questions hanging in the balance, my confidence cracked, broken into a million little pieces.

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Before it was all said and done I needed to look further into myself to find the courage to break free from the chains. Hard as steel, rusty yet never broke, hence forth the recurring dream to return after a year and half of them, soon after leading to nightmares that would awaken me with fear and panic. I fought with myself often to keep from having them. Wide awake through the night and slept, isolated during the day long after my third time through counseling and therapy. It was the hospitalization that led me to fully break the chains to speak the truth. The fear of coming out became exhausting, it drained me physically through the fourth and final time through counseling and therapy. It was all over with or would it be.

I found my way through the mud that which kept me down, stuck and unsure where I’m truly meant to be in this world. Ah yes! The lotus, it appeared to bloom as I was indeed to bloom.

Finding the way to write again where my passion lays to being one with nature and all of God’s creation. Nature is my real therapy.

Going through the cycle, back and forth is called the yo-yo affect. Depression, high anxiety and PTSD are unbalanced among the core central of the brain and body. One’s body has limitations as it can only handle so much. My body was doing just that.  There wasn’t any peace and very little relaxation. Stress and every day pressures took a toll on me to say the least.  FINALLY! Trauma counseling and it sure is working. Breaking the silence was by far the best decision I made, and now all is getting exposed. I’m far from where I need be, want for me. I’m getting there.

Emotional Overloading & How To Cope

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As I write this I’ve contemplated several thoughts and emotions to absolute confusion. Was I stupid to fall for it? Why did I let it go too far? Was I just a ploy in his mind games? “Why Shellie, why?” I question myself. I was never really trusting to others, people have an agenda, motives, and tricks, much as a deck of cards. You never know what you get from the hand.  It was and is abuse both mentally and emotionally, and to cope with the trauma I do the very best I can.

I’m currently writing about it, the entire truth in detail. WARNING!! sexually explicit.

An article coming in the coming weeks from a health and recovery magazine to various blogs and other magazines online. All will be exposed and to the real person who’s identity was stolen. He may be a songwriter/musician/entertainer, he’s a human being just like you and me, Kip Moore, the very real Kip Moore that many know of , heard and seen perform live.

While I stew over these emotions and complete confusion know what I need and that is to heal the right way and cope. I might have learned several coping skills over the past year I remain traumatized. Now it’s my time, time to truly speak up, and it is a form of rape through an online relationship that which lasted two years too long.

I cry and cry, and try every single day not to let it get to me, however it does. The past week was truly excruciating to the point of severe suicidal thoughts, the recurring dream and complete isolation. Rape and domestic abuse survivors too live with continuing trauma in which they take medication for, and fortunately the medication I take hasn’t done much throughout the past month or so. Now I’m seeking trauma counseling. It will be quite difficult, a challenge in itself. I’m ready, so very ready!!

Coping with trauma is different for mental and emotional survivors. I talk with them via Twitter often, some quite similar to mine. Here are just some of the coping skills I use on those not so good days. 

Light scented candles ( I enjoy the relaxing feel )
reading a good book, uplifting, mysteries, and inspirational.
Taking hikes on park trails, when the weather is permitting
Writing. I write a ton. That’s the author in me. LOL….
adult color. You know the adult coloring books. Best thing ever.
declutter a specific room in the house.

What are some of the coping skills you use when depression, anxiety and trauma induced episodes occur? I like to hear from you.

Knowing what I need and to do is up to me, and just simply getting the real Kip Moore on board as he has discussed several times of online scams and fraud. However my experience is so far different.

 

The Puzzle Map

Toxic people have a way to follow in groups and it leads to a toxic environment to live in. I see it, hear it, been affected by it, breathe it and sense it. It's all around us. Somewhere in our subconscious we ask ourselves why people and places are so toxic and why we end up in those positions. It's the tendency to always listen, to observe others and as what's around us, we take all that in and it leads to mental health problems, emotional and physical health. It is an unhealthy way to live. As much as I once listened to people 24/7 it led me down through a great deal of illness. Mental illness, emotional and physical illness. Now,I don't listen as often as I once did although my lifestyle and life changes are completely different now as they weren't before. I left that all behind me and moved forward to begin a new chapter of my life whether or not someone didn't approve or support my vision and career choice. I had to do what was right for me for my well being and for my health. I was properly diagnosed with high functioning anxiety and depression in March of 2017 I still and will always have my good days, bad days, highs and lows. It does happen and at moments I can't really explain. Maybe I can and just don't know how to exactly. When I'm interrupted and let it linger enough I start to pray as satan only wants me in his place. I hate that place, it throws me down, kicks me right in the gut as hard as can be. I felt a sense of relief after the diagnoses although it just didn't seem enough as several life issues and relationships kept me at times from moving forward. Transitioning was difficult and it kept me from what I loved and that was writing and my growing career as an author. This new chapter is crazy much like a map not suring what my next destination would be. Will I travel?. Will I see mountains? Will I move or will I visit another country? Everyone has a puzzle map and a journey. As a woman it's tough either way. There is a heavy load to carry.Men and women are on completely different hemispheres when it comes to mental illness. Women have what is call estrogen, and much more abundance to carry a heavy weight load. They are child bearing, work jobs, take care and give unto others and are merely keeping a household functioning. Women have hormones much more than men do. With the combination of hormones and estrogen that combination affects all aspects on an emotional and mental level. Now, I'm not a scientist only a woman who has been around and have had that personal connection to other women who have children and those without children. Every woman is different although not so much. Our minds like I said have much more going on although men could rebuke it. I've talked with my fellow ladies and have discovered during that time of month not only do our hormones increase our estrogen increases causing high mood swings which increases mental stability. Emotionally we cry at the drop of a hat. So that is where it comes from. As much as what's going on mentally, emotionally women have a hard time expressing themselves. I'm witness to it. Introverted women shy away from what is going on inside. It's a silent killer. We put on our many hats to get through just a day. Talking about it is not what we do rather let it manifest. I could speak for all women, maybe I am. Every woman is different and have a different puzzle map and there not planned out it's merely taking it one day at a time.