Craig Gaydas's Blog, page 2

Journal Entry #2- Nathan Chambers

The Archivist Library on Caelum

 

Explorer’s League File 23.991

Mars- Galaxy GX-743

37 B.E.C- entered by Cartographer Ales Banda.

 

PLAYBACK FILE.

Once again I found my finger hovering over the button. The file contained an entry by the original Cartographer and despite the atrocities he had committed sometime after the file had been created, my curiosity peaked to the point I thought I would burst at the seams. Pushing the button with eager anticipation, I waited. Instead of the Archivist, however, this particular file had been moderated by Ales himself. He was as ugly as I had imagined (most Tyrians were). His serpentine face reflected the light from his pores as they oozed a thin, viscous film. I assumed this was an environmental protective measure due to the dry climate surrounding the Archivist Library. The planet Tyr consisted of a thick, humid atmosphere like one giant rainforest.

Behind Ales stood a city skyline similar to those of any major city on Earth. Skyscrapers towered over an angular bridge, bathing it in the brightest white light I have ever seen. It was as if each building had the latest LED technology amplified by high powered ballasts.

“My visit to Pallas City went as expected. The Governor promised that he would station soldiers at the wormhole site to prevent any more unpleasant events. He was also constructing a safe guard to contain the wormhole and keep it hidden from curious onlookers. The two human boys who slipped through the wormhole and vandalized the Aquanaut Temple on Caelum have been punished. In return I assured him that our Science Lab was in the process of building a transceiver to station at that location and control the door leading between our two planets.”

The scene changed from the city skyline to a large shell of a warehouse with two armed guards stationed outside a chain link fence.

“This was what the Governor did,” Ales continued. “Two guards, barely out of the academy, armed with nothing more than over glorified pea shooters guarded a skeleton of a building that lost funding long before it was complete.”

I wondered what the big deal was but then Ales stepped from the picture and I watched while two teenagers, no older than me, stepped from the shadows. They waited for the guards to pass and slipped over the flimsy gate before entering the open warehouse. They sauntered over to the wormhole and vanished before my eyes.

“As noted two more humans made it to Caelum armed with nothing but a desire to cause mischief. See file #24.001 to see further details of the incident. I will not go into detail here, but needless to say the Explorer’s League will not be allowed on Mars until Lead Diplomat Jo and his team can come to a consensus with the Martian government on how to better fortify the wormholes. My opinion regarding this entire mess is that it could have been avoided with better protection around the perimeter. If the Governor managed to take his obligations seriously than those two boys would still be alive today.”

With that the screen went blank. A sentence flashed at the bottom—Please see written addendum that accompanies this video file. I looked inside the container where the video file had been contained and found a small journal, no more than ten pages. I read through it but most of it contained written confirmation of what the video contained. The most interesting piece was near the end, where there had been a description of the condition of the two youth’s bodies. An investigation had been conducted and they determined that a pack of wild animals called “Fire Wolves” were the culprit responsible for the killings. Apparently the two teens stumbled across the animals while attempting to access the temple. Another part of the note I found interesting was that the Pallas City government did not agree with the Caelum investigation. They believed the teen’s wounds were consistent with murder. It seems that the difference in opinion led to further strained ties between the two planets.

I found myself wondering what truly happened to those two boys. Turning toward the archives shelf I grabbed file #24.001 and cradled the disk in my hand. Did I really want to know what happened to them? Before I could answer the question a Defense Fleet soldier entered the room.

“Embeth requested that you wrap it up, Cartographer. We need to move soon.”

I clasped my hands, resting my head on them. “Don’t call me that, anymore.”

The soldier lowered his head. With a curt apology he left the room.

“There is no Cartographer anymore soldier,” I whispered to the empty room. Only the video archives and ancient dusty tomes were present to respond with ominous silence. My voice cracked with sorrow.

“There is no more Consortium.”

-Nathan Chambers.

The Cartographer- chronicles

So I decided that I would release short stories (chronicles if you will) about the life of Nathan Chambers. Now some of you may be saying to yourself- “Who the hell is that?” In which instance I might be tempted to reply- “OMG DON’T YOU READ MY BOOKS!?!?” But then I come down off my cloud and remember I am not Stephen King, JK Rowling, James Patterson or even the dude who writes the small comic strip in our local newspaper. So to clarify, The Cartographer (my latest book) will actually become a series of books. But novels take time and readers become bored quickly. The more I think about my protaganist the more I realize that I could write 1000 books in the series and never truly tell the whole story. Nathan has a long life ahead of him and his adventures will be many. Here is a short story regarding an incident in Nathan’s life that will make a nice compendium to the story as a whole but will most likely never make it into the series. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.

The Archivist Library located on the planet Caelum

 

Explorer’s League File #100.123

Mars – Galaxy GX-743

200,000 years before Christ event on Earth

 

PLAYBACK FILE.

My finger hovered over the button, quivering with anticipation but unsure if I was ready to see what the file contained. Ever since my arrival on the planet I was eager to visit the Archivist Library and access the files related to the real origins of mankind. The Library, engorged with shelves of books, disks, videos and other medium, circled me.  The sheer volume of data overwhelmed me but I eventually composed myself enough to find the file.

Playback file. It was just two simple words but for me it meant changing my perspective on everything ever learned in history class back on Earth. Calypso briefly covered this topic long ago, but after his defection from the Consortium I wasn’t completely sure I could trust his information.

I pushed the black button and the green lettering lit up like neon. The monitor sprang to life and I found myself staring at a serene landscape, not unlike something I would observe back home. A large mountain range, far larger than the Himalayas, split the skies in the background. The snow tipped peaks presided over an enormous lake, so calm it would have been mistaken for a horizontal mirror. Emerald trees dotted the landscape on each side of the water. A dock leading into the water contained a lone human fishing off the end. If I didn’t know the title of this file I would have sworn I was looking at Earth.

Fish bobbed their heads from the water near the dock, teasing the flustered fisherman who seemed more annoyed with each passing moment as he tugged on the empty line. Suddenly the picture froze and a tall, frail figure stepped in front of the picture. His cropped silver beard and bushy eyebrows accented his aged face. His bald head had a few thin strands of hair extending from behind his ears down to his shoulders. Dark glasses covered his eyes. A purple and black robe covered most of his body and he kept his hands inside the sleeves, like a monk. I recognized him from a photo on the wall in the lobby—the previous Archivist, dead for some twenty years now. Even though glasses covered his eyes I knew he was blind—all Archivists are—but they have the gift of foresight. They can write, read and log data as if they had eyes. Behind the tinted lenses lay empty sockets, grown over by decades of skin and bone.

“Behind me sits Lake Hydaspis along the White-Ridge Mountains,” he bellowed in a deep, strong voice which betrayed his fragile frame. “The official cosmic date for this event is 25 B.E.C. and is the first video record of the events prior to Helios Protocol.”

The Archivist stepped aside but continued to narrate the events as they unfolded. When I observed the blimp-like craft appear above the mountains I knew what would happen—no narration would be necessary. Just because I understood didn’t lessen the emotional impact it would make.

The voice of the Archivist continued as the ship approached the lake. The fisherman was far too busy cursing his luck that he completely ignored the vessel in the distance.

“The first craft entered Martian airspace at 23:45 Xanthe time,” he continued. “Despite Mars having an air defense unit, it was technologically inferior to the Lumagom’s radar stealth. A sole craft had been able to infiltrate the air space, unchallenged. If you are faint at heart or have small children nearby I suggest you turn away from the screen at this time.”

The craft advanced, a bloated blight marring the pristine skyline. The fisherman must have heard a noise from the sky because he turned and looked up. It was too late, even though I was sure he wouldn’t fend off a spaceship with a fishing rod. A beam of white fire extended from the vessel, scorching the landscape, setting the lake on fire, and obliterating the man where he stood. I turned away, partially because I was horrified but also because the light from the weapon was so bright it pained my eyes. When I turned back the ship was gone. The trees, once as green as pristine emeralds was blackened skeletons of their former selves. The clear, blue lake was now a sea of fire. The dock vanished in flames, along with the skeleton of the fisherman.

The image vanished, replaced by the Archivist. “This concludes the initial recording Martian Event Nine-Seven-Five: Helios Protocol-4. To see subsequent events please refer to Explorer’s League file 100.124 in the Archivist Library.”

I held no desire to see anymore. Thankfully no sound accompanied the video. I’m pretty sure I would have been haunted by the fisherman’s screams.

It was the first attack on humans which almost resulted in their extinction. It wouldn’t be the last.

Alas, that is a story for another day.

-Nathan Chambers, Cartographer.

Polar Vortex and you

It’s cold. I’m sure you didn’t need me to post that in a blog for most of you to realize that fact. Mother nature hates us for some reason. There are many explanations being touted as the reason for the frigid temperatures. I would like to take the time to sum it up for easy reading. Possible causes of the strange weather:

Global warming
Polar Vortex
Arctic air traveling a strange path
 Anthropecene (seriously look it up)
gay marriage (double serious- Google it!)
reality TV
Miley Cyrus
The Kardashians

Let’s face it….it’s friggin’ cold out. Listen I am not a meteorologist but I am going to go out on a limb here and venture a guess regarding the cold weather.

 

It’s cold out because….

 

 

 

wait for it….

 

 

 

It’s freakin’ winter!!!

 

 

The end.

 

2013 is now officially over

It is January, 1st. Time for the dreaded “NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTION” (cue thunder and lightning and scary music)

I decided to change it up a little. Instead of talking about what I plan on doing or changing for the new year, I decided to talk about what I have learned from the old year. Here is my list of nuggets of wisdom I have acquired over the previous 12 months. It just so happens I have one for each month. Yes I am that damn good!

1)A one year old child CAN use a cat as a weapon. Buyer beware.

2)Miley Cyrus licks a hammer and its considered artistic expression. I do it and Home Depot kicks me out. Apparently I should have went to Lowe’s

3)This world is too concerned with what people SAY that they ignore what is being DONE. A redneck duck caller spazzes out about gays and the people are up in arms, yet a government slowly destroys the foundation of a 200 plus year-old republic through incompetence and not a peep. And I’m the strange one!

4)Watching too much Caillou CAN make you clinically insane.

5)People-watching at Walmart is much better than any reality show currently on TV.

6)Forget Bigfoot, the Loch Ness monster or the Jersey Devil. The Pants Fairy is alive and well and has stolen all my son’s pants.

7)Whoever said you can get rich by writing was trying to sell something

8)Whoever invented the “Terrible Twos” was not around for the first two years. Oh and the 18 that follow.

9)Apparently the government frowns on selling children on Ebay.

10)It seems that bath salts are not actual salt.

11)Nope…I can’t still figure out my DVR

12) Spaghetti Tuesdays can fall on a Wednesday.

 

Happy New Years to all of my readers, followers, stalkers. Especially my probation officer. I know its tough to keep up with me sometimes.

The Cartographer is almost complete

I decided to do something different. I decided to share a chapter of my upcoming novel the Cartographer. Hope you enjoy!

The Day The World Went Away

June 27th, 2012 9:05 am Carlsbad, New Mexico

I stood at the entrance of the cave, staring into its gloomy depths. The stalactites reminded me of the homeless people I came across in Roswell—flashing me crooked smiles—except no rusted coffee cups or requests for spare change came from inside. The only requests coming from this location was my please to the cave to give up its secrets.

Sam, my best friend, worked on securing the rope around my waist. When he finished, I tied a similar loop around his waist, ensuring it was snug enough that it wouldn’t slide off, but loose enough that it wouldn’t crush his abdomen.

“Come on Nathan, hurry up,” he grumbled.

“Alright man, hold your horses,” I responded, completing my mental checklist. I examined the stability of the rope for the hundredth time which highlighted my anal retentiveness.

Most 16-year-old kids in my neck of the woods preferred doing things like playing Minecraft, sneaking into the Mall Cinema or hanging at the Carlsbad Mall. Not Sam and I. We preferred exploring the unknown, and this cave provided enough adventure to last us the school year. We were looked down upon at Carlsbad High School because we preferred outdoor adventuring over Creeper smashing.

Sadly this was our last chance to explore the cave before the summer break. I had qualified to enroll in advanced science classes provided by the high school which would suck me in for most of the summer. Sam had been upset about this since I broke the news and seemed to brood nonstop. He was such a downer, sometimes.

“I’m gonna head in now,” I called. “Make sure to hold on tight.”

He scowled and with a brisk nod clutched the rope. I smiled despite his crankiness and descended the stony outcropping.

During our previous trip to the cave, I discovered a collapse and assumed it would end our exploration attempt. Sam nagged me to investigate further and I had been surprised when I discovered air wafting in from several cracks in the wall. With renewed persistence I discovered what appeared to be a path leading further into the cave. I was more determined than ever to break through the barrier and see what lay beyond. Images spun through my head of fame, glory and treasure—gold, diamonds, or perhaps even buried cash. We made a vow to do our best to break through the obstacle.

“Let’s make this quick,” Sam moaned. “My mother needs me to run to the grocery store.”

I rolled my eyes at him before grabbing my flashlight and rock hammer. I slid the hammer in a belt loop and flipped on the flashlight.

“Alright, I’m going in.”

Recent heavy rains in the area eroded the entrance during the past week so I found the descent into the cave a little more difficult due to the smooth surface. Sam held the rope tight and I slid on my rear all the way to the site of the collapse. Once I reached the wall I jammed the flashlight into a nearby crevice, illuminating the entire obstacle. The light played over the wall and fell on a hole which—as soon as I saw it—I realized I would no longer need the rock hammer.

A ten foot high opening had been bored in the rock wall. The hole was approximately ten feet high and about four feet wide but its edges were strange, like they had been washed smooth by centuries of running water.

“What in the world?” I whispered.

I pulled the flashlight from the crevice and created more slack in the rope. Moving through the opening cautiously, I continued another ten feet before coming upon a faint light illuminating the path ahead. Unfortunately the path curved off in the distance which concealed the source of the light along with any potential danger contained there.

I flipped the flashlight off and continued along the path, listening to my footsteps and heavy breathing reflecting off of the cave walls. Before I reached the bend a faint tapping sound, similar to the rapping of a hammer against sheet metal, broke the silence. My unknown spelunking adversary was still here and working.

I crouched low and inched closer, luckily the banging drowned out the sounds of my footfalls. I turned the corner just as the rapping stopped, freezing me in place and blanketing the cave in silence. Water dripped off of the limestone, and rained tiny droplets on my cheek. I reached up and flicked them away just as the silence was broken by a low humming sound.

Around the corner the path widened into a large underground cavern accessorized by a small pool in the corner of the room, highlighted by the light source. It reminded me of the underground lakes I had read about in textbooks.

I shifted my attention toward the object in the center of the room. It resembled a buoy similar to those seen floating in the Gulf of Mexico. The difference, however, was the large television screen mounted on top of the one in the room. The flat screen, mounted at the top of the buoy was about four inches thick but five feet wide which would have made it the world’s largest iPad.

A person hunched over the front of the assembly, working feverishly on the screen. When he turned to fidget with a valve, his silhouette erased any worries I had of a rival spelunker stealing my glory. At first glance it appeared he was eating something, but soon I realized that the “food” was a set of tentacles extending from his chin.

My mouth dropped open in dawning horror while my mind tried to process the scene. If one were to take an octopus and place it on a human body then you might come close to what stood before me. Even that would be a stretch because the creature stood over eight feet tall with three tentacles attached to the chin forming some kind of bizarre beard. It continued to fidget with the TV screen, unaware of my presence. The hands working the machinery were human-like, but with three fingers on its hands. The skin of the creature, illuminated by the large spotlight in the center of the room, was a denim-blue color like a creature with poor blood circulation.

My brain refused to process the images my eyes were trying to force feed it. I backed carefully out of the cavern, but before I could turn to make a run for it a flat rock collapsed beneath my sneaker, sinking into the limestone floor. A high-pitched squealing alarm pierced my ear drums and  reverberated off the cavern walls, causing me to drop to the ground and cover my ears. I fell hard on my rear, swearing silently, afraid that I broke my coccyx(sometimes referred to as the butt bone) and had no choice but to stare helplessly at the creature as it swung towards me.

It hissed like a snake and its chin-beard waved menacingly as it approached me. Due to his size and my precarious position, I found myself staring at its feet. The legs were thick and elephantine all the way to the feet but instead of toes, the alien had a small tentacle, allowing the creature to grip the floor while it walked. The revolting, sucking sound of its feet smacking off of the limestone floor caused my heart to park in my throat which was actually a good thing because it blocked the bile that was attempting to escape my gut. It towered over me and looked down unpleasantly. I hoped the look was anger and not hunger.

The creature wore something like a scuba suit without the helmet, and it glistened as if he just emerged from the pool in the corner. It slipped a three-fingered appendage into the folds of its suit and retrieved something that looked a switchblade. I couldn’t see it clearly, though, because his huge frame blocked the light in the room. It pushed a button but instead of a blade, a twelve inch long light extended from it, making a popping sound like a cork from a wine bottle. I would have laughed at the absurdity of it all, but my face was a frozen mask of fear. The creature reached over and sliced through my lifeline with ease.

The beast reached down and picked me up by the tattered rope ring before I had a chance to react. Its dark, beady eyes bored into my soul as he held me up like a snagged fish. Withdrawing a syringe—one that looked bigger than any I had ever seen—he held it in front of my face. Instead of a vial it contained an empty hour glass, surrounded by a gold-colored metallic sheath. At the end of the hourglass sat a four inch needle point that shimmered like water reflected by moonlight. The beast hesitated briefly and the needle dangled ominously in front of my eyes. I wished more than anything that I could close them but my facial muscles were paralyzed with fear.

I was beginning to think he second-guessed his decision to stab me but then the needle plunged into my arm. Oddly, there was no pain, only a warm tingling sensation. Slipping through the skin uninhibited, the wet sensation spread across the site of the injection. A clucking sound escaped from the creature’s jaw and it moved in to look closer.

I started to lose consciousness and tried to call for help, but the only sound that escaped was a choked gasp. My tongue suddenly became ten times too big and my throat felt like I had gargled with sand. Darkness enveloped me and I slipped out of consciousness.

This is Nathan Chambers, signing off.

 

The Tale of the Pants Fairy

So I decided to spin a yarn about events going on in my very own home. The following story is based on true events.

So I woke up this morning and noticed it was a balmy 30 degrees outside. After wishing I never moved from Florida, I trudged into the bathroom, brushed my teeth and woke up the children to get ready for school. Brian, my 9-year-old, takes a shower, gets dressed and enters the living room. He was wearing a t-shirt and gym shorts. I told him that it was going to be cold today and he needed to put on warmer clothes. At this time he advised me that he didn’t have any pants. I was perplexed. His grandmother just bought him 38274294724+1 pairs of pants from the pants store.

Now here is where it gets interesting. At first I figured his pants were in the clothes cocoon growing in the corner of the room that he shares with his older brother. I believe they are waiting for that particular pile to develop into a graceful butterfly that will sprout cotton wings and fly to the nearest washing machine (but alas that is a story for another day). I examined the cocoon in the event that a pair of pants lay inside. I was disappointed to see that there were no pants in the pile nor in the drawers where his clothes should be. By the way, I’m not sure why parents buy dressers for their kids when the floor is an absolutely perfect place to store clothes until needed (but once again, a story for another day).

So I did what I thought would be the next logical step to resolve this dilemma. I asked him where he put his pants. He replied with the standard, adolescent answer: “I don’t know.” I asked him: “You were in your pants when you took them off, right?” To which he responded “I think so.”

After face palming myself into a wall, I searched his entire room for a pair of pants. There were no pants. As a parent who has been subjected to countless hours of Caillou I concluded that there was only one logical conclusion. The pants fairy came and took them in the middle of the night.

So for those of you reading my nonsensical ramblings, please take heed from the message I bring to you. Please, for the love of God, lock up your children’s pants before the pants fairy gets them.

This is how the zombie apocalypse starts.

WARNING: This blog may be hazardous to your health.

Well folks it looks like it’s that time of year again. Time for dumb ass of the week.

A man was pumping gas in Georgia and set his wife on fire by “accidentally” flicking his lighter near the gas pump. One cannot simply make this stuff up. Here is a link to the NY Daily News (yes word has spread from Georgia to NY so you know it must be good)

http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/georgia-man-lit-wife-fire-playing-lighter-police-article-1.1505385

This is the ringing endorsement for why we have safety labels on everything. I’m sure by now you read my rant about car commercials and their associated warnings(if not I suggest you do so). I have seen safety labels ranging from “do not fold stroller with baby inside” all the way to “do not dry pets in the microwave”. I am pretty sure that there are warnings to not smoke while pumping gas, but I’m not positive. /sarcasm off.

Apparently America is doing it wrong. Apparently safety labels are not having their desired effect. Common sense died with disco- and we tried to resurrect it with labels. This is my proposal to the United States in an effort to protect us as a species.

Remove all of the safety labels. That’s right, take ‘em off . No more “Please do not rail slide with a vehicle” or “Warning: coffee may be hot”. Do away with the “Please do not eat the silicon packet inside” and the “Do not stick your hand in the fan”. DO AWAY WITH IT ALL! Let natural selection take over. Do you think Jesse James received a safety label with his six-shot? Was there a safety label on the horse when Paul Revere hopped up on it?  Did Thomas Edison need a safety label when he was pumping currents of electricity through everything?

The United States needs help. It needs more than a booming economy, jobs, free healthcare, or free education. We need to eliminate the stupid people. The less stupid people we have, the more room we have for educated, productive members of society. I say we start with Congress. Remove the safety labels off the entire Capitol Building. Hopefully we can lose half of them by lunchtime.

You knew I had to rant about the government in there somewhere. There should be only one place where there is a safety label. Reading stuff I post.

“Warning: May cause ocular bleeding, cramps, migraine and depression.”

Healthcare makes me sick

So here is my rant for the day. I know I am usually ranting about something, but this is going to be a special rant that probably pertains to 99% of the population: Healthcare.

My son and I went to see the doctor today. Yes, it’s true, despite the rumors of my creation in a lab using medical waste and a generous portion of anger, I am actually human. I have health insurance through my wife’s company because apparently unemployed, aspiring authors do not come with their own health insurance plan. Everything went fine at the doctor’s office, thanks for asking, and I paid the normal copay required by the plan. Everyone was happy-or so I thought, until we went to pick up the prescriptions. Apparently our plan requires a separate insurance “scripts” card to pick up prescriptions. That is right folks, I don’t need a license to make babies or buy ammunition but I need a license to pick up the medication that will save my life (well in this case it was some nose spray and a Z-pack) but that’s not important! The point is I had to text my wife, who was very busy at home watching Matlock and ask her to look up our plan to get a number to call.

When i get irate I have a tendency to use an overabundance of capital letters in my texts as well as a liberal application of exclamation points. But she is headstrong and ignores anything I ever really do and sent a text back that I should calm down and not get irate with her because she did not invent health insurance. This caused me to stomp my feet and clench my fists.

I finally responded with the following:

“I am not aggravated with you. Don’t you know me by now that I am aggravated at life in general and the littlest thing can set me off on a tangent? Just the other day a squirrel crossed in front of my car but he zig-zagged instead of running straight through and it set me off on a 15 minute diatribe about how the government just lets these animals roam the streets unchecked.”

Needless to say, after about 30 minutes of sitting at CVS I finally asked the clerk: “OK you win. I have an insurance card that is valid at any participating retail outlets (or doctor) but not valid for prescriptions. Can I just sign up for Obamacare? Is there a ‘prescription only’ option?”

In the end I got my prescriptions and everyone made it out of the store safely. The moral of this story is if Craig Gaydas walks into your store, just give him whatever he wants or he is going to go off and rant about meaningless shit for hours at a time until you finally give in and give him what he wants anyway.

The Dilemma of a Stay At Home Dad

Ever since I became a stay at home dad, I never thought in my wildest dreams I would ever utter the following sentences.

1) Braydon please do not use the cat as a weapon.

2) Braydon please do not take your diaper off and use it as a weapon

3) Braydon please do not wear your pants as a shirt

4) Braydon food is for eating, not for prosthetic make up

5) Braydon I appreciate you trying to shampoo the rug but that is for hair

6) Braydon please do not chase the cat with a mouse

7) Braydon please do not eat the cat

8- Braydon please do not roar like the hulk at the neighbors

9) Braydon if you watch Caillou one more time, Daddy is going to kill everyone within 10 miles of the house

10) Braydon please do not put your diaper over your pants

11) Braydon please do not put the cat in the toilet

12) Braydon please do not flush the cat down the toilet

13) Braydon please do not build the great pyramid in the living room with the kitchen furniture

14) Braydon please enunciate the word “box” so it doesn’t come out like “fuck” and make mommy give daddy dirty looks.

15) Braydon please do not use the word “boobs” in front of your mother. That is only to be used when we are watching Olivia on Law and Order or Maggie on The Walking Dead.

16) Braydon please do not try to ride the lamp.

17) Braydon please stop trying to stab daddy in the eye with your crayon.

Breaking Bad, ’tis time.

So I have been in mourning these past couple weeks and delayed my thoughts and feelings about the Breaking Bad finale…or Felina as Vince Gilligan would have it. I watched the ending (and re-watched it) and feel that the series, as a whole, has been absorbed completely into my subconscious. And here it is folks:

After experiencing the ending episode debacles of Sopranos and Lost, I can honestly say that Breaking Bad had the perfect ending. I think it’s safe to say that I knew Walt was going to die. It would have been writing suicide to give him cancer, make it go into remission, bring it back, then go away again. It would have been too…convenient.

I love the “protagonist becomes the antagonist” angle. I loved WW in the beginning and sympathized with his plight all the way until the end, although I admit I hated him just a tad at the end. I loved the supporting cast almost as much as I did WW. Jessie, Saul, Mike, Gus, Skyler, Marie, Hank (although I started to hate him after he took over a town under a dome- but that is a bitch session for another time), etc etc. Well all except Jack, but that is the creative genius that is Michael Bowen-he plays the bad guy angle well. I even enjoyed the George RR Martin-esque ending. Nothing like killing off pretty much everybody to get the blood flowing (no pun intended).

I felt like I could personally connect with most of the characters.I could be Walter White…hell I could be Jesse Pinkman. Then again I could probably be Saul, and have been contemplating making up some creative business cards for some time now.

I will miss you Walter White (as most of my family and friends know all too well from my Facebook posts) and I truly hope that someday a show will touch my heart like BB did. Until then, I have The Walking Dead to hold me over.

Have an A1 day!