Craig Gaydas's Blog, page 3

The dumbing down of America

So I was sitting home wondering what to do with my life today when a Nissan Juke car commercial popped up on the TV. Although I am not a Nissan guy, I did enjoy watching the car slide across rails on two wheels and jump over skyscrapers while the marketing geniuses at Nissan touted the many features of the 2013 model.

Needless to say it really was nothing more than any other quirky car commercial I have seen over the years. Until I saw something so mind boggling…so eye-gougingly (I just made that word up) shocking that I had to dedicate an entire blog post to it. They posted consumer warnings during the commercial stating the following:

WARNING: CAR CANNOT RAIL SLIDE

WARNING: CAR CANNOT JUMP OVER BUILDINGS

At first I thought it was a joke, perhaps a clever marketing ploy to elicit a chuckle from the audience until I called a Nissan marketing rep at their corporate HQ. Lo and behold, they put those disclaimers in there to protect themselves and was not intended as a joke.

This blog post addresses only the American viewing audience because, SHOCKINGLY, the European version of the commercial does not have the disclaimers. Dear America, please stop being stupid. Please get away from the reality TV world which is causing our brains to become mush. Pick up a damn book (preferably not one with a lot of pictures), go to a library, visit a museum, go out and experience intelligent life as it was meant to be embraced. Use your common sense gene and stop trying to rail slide with a car, folding a baby stroller with the baby still inside, microwaving your dog to dry it off, or taking a bath with your toaster.

If you need help with this, I would be more than happy to slap you upside your face with a decorative statue.

I have decided to charge you to screw up your life

Yep folks it is that time of year again. The annual “Government messes up my day” day.

I realize this blog post is a little late in coming, but I had to wait and see what the actual impact of governmental shutdown would be. One of the biggest concerns the American people have (outside of loss of wages) is whether Congress would get paid or not. Well we found out that Congress (by law) continues to get paid. Well thank GOD! I was worried that the quality of work in Washington would have suffered as a result of replacing paid politicians with unemployed window washers and street hobos.

Here is the list of Congressmen who have decided to either accept their pay, donate it, not accept it or are undecided and really have to think about the political impact of really accepting their pay.

http://www.cnn.com/interactive/2013/10/politics/shutdown-congress-paychecks/house.html?hpt=hp_t1

The list is obviously too big to post in my blog post, but feel free to go to that link and see which assholes have decided to keep their pay, despite any sort of common sense or human decency telling them to do otherwise.

Well needless to say there are a lot of Americans stomping their feet, gnashing their teeth and typing in all caps expressing their anger and disappointment at our government. Most people have asked themselves “What can we do?” and I am glad you asked that question. What we as the American peon needs to do is look over that CNN list, look for our states and districts, see if our elected representative are either “undecided” or elected to keep their pay, and vote them out next election. I don’t care what their ideals are, I could care less if they stand with us on gay marriage, I couldn’t give two shits what their belief values are regarding abortion, the economy, religion, minimum wage, climate change, aliens, hybrid icing, whatever. They have decided to deprive the American people of everything from a salary, to clinical trials for cancer, to access to needed government programs all the way to being able to visit the goddamn Smithsonian. We need to return their kindness and make sure we thank them by depriving them of a job.

There are only two ways  the American people will ever make a difference when it comes to our government. We either vote, or revolt.

We are going to need to decide soon.

 

Sorry folks the government is closed. The moose outside should have told you.

So I jokingly refer to the government shutdown as “no big deal” and wonder if perhaps things will run smoother now that the politicians are out of the way. Let us look at what a government shutdown really means, shall we?

Dilemma 1) National parks and museums will be closed. – Well let us be honest here, people really only go to these things to learn and educate themselves about various things from nature to history. Since the government chooses to cut education more and more each year we really didn’t need these things anyway. I say “good riddance” and hope the government focuses the money on other projects such as Anti-Abortion Concentration Camps and Gay Refocusing Clinics. These programs are much better suited in improving American quality of life.

Dilemma 2) The FCC will close –  Well I don’t know about you but I think this is a good thing. I have been working on a TV show for a while now and I was always worried that it would never make it to network TV because of these guys. I will sum up the plot for you and you be the judge. It would start with me dancing in the rain yelling “FUCK” over and over again as naked hookers run around in the background smoking crack. I was also thinking of syndicating this for radio, but I needed to translate the visual affect of crack smoking hookers over the air waves. Stay tuned.

Dilemma 3) Office of Government Ethics is closed – Was it ever really open? Seriously I have no joke here…it pretty much speaks for itself.

Dilemma 4) Department of Education is closed. See my explanation under “Dilemma 1″

Dilemma 5) Department of Labor is closed-  This is actually a good thing because no one can find a goddamn job in this country anyway.

Dilemma 6) Environmental Protection Agency – Fuck those baby seals.

Dilemma 7) – Department of Housing and Urban Development – And those Ghettos too.

Dilemma 8) – Bureau of Alcohol and Tobacco Tax and Trade – FREE BEER AND CIGARETTES FOR ALL!!!

Dilemma 9) US Postal Inspector General – Sounds like a good of time as any to mail out all these packages of anthrax to my favorite congressmen.

Dilemma 10)USDA Food and Nutrition Dept-  Good news is SNAP will continue for 1 month, so all you destitute leeches who suck money off us hardworking taxpayers get a one month reprieve. WIC will end though, so all you pregnant women and children can go to hell.

Dilemma 11) Peace Corps will shut down (partially). We cannot feasibly profit on peace anyway so to hell with them.

Dilemma 12) Active Duty military – They will continue to receive pay until 10/7. If shutdown continues, they get paid on an I.O.U. basis. This is actually normal because the government has been paying people that way since 1945.

Dilemma 13) Chemical Safety and Hazard Board- This may be a good thing but is yet undetermined. I will let you know if I am able to procure the methylamine to start up my crystal meth empire.

 

So you see people, take a look at the above dilemmas and ask yourself, is the government shutdown really a bad thing? Oh wait I forgot let me add this one last dilemma.

Dilemma 14) Congress continues to get paid.

MERRY FUCKING CHRISTMAS!

The George Zimmerman debacle within the New World Order.

I happened to be browsing through a major news site’s article covering the trial of George Zimmerman which (in case anyone has been on Mars for the last week) concluded today. In sheer morbid curiosity, I clicked on the public forums where people can comment and leave opinions. Normally I would not dedicate an entire blog post to something that someone says on a news forum, but I had to share this gem.

The post went like this:

“(George Zimmerman is) not guilty. Obama is a racist!”

I added the first three words because it was a post in response to a “guilty or not guilty” question.

Now before I critique the above post I would just like to make my thoughts known on this case. This entire trial has been a media produced circus sideshow. To offer my opinion (and note that this is my opinion) I think that both Zimmerman and Trayvon Martin are guilty of being stupid. Zimmerman was stupid when he decided to take the law into his own hands (after being asked not too by dispatchers) and follow Martin and Martin was stupid for confronting Zimmerman instead of contacting the police saying “yo there is a crazy man following me”. Both are at fault and unfortunately Zimmerman came out on top in the battle of the illogical.

Now back to the above post. Let’s break it down:

“George Zimmerman is not guilty” – This is ok. You have stated your opinion, which as anyone in America knows, is like an asshole. Everyone has one and they usually stink. You should have quit your post here.

“Obama is a racist”- Now this is where the post gets confusing. The first part of your sentence has absolutely nothing to do with the second part. It would be like me saying “I think Casey Anthony is guilty. NASA sucks for exploring Mars instead of Triton.”

What I ask for future posters on public news sites is please do one thing for me. Think about an issue before you post on it. Do you really think Obama had anything to do with what happened in Sanford, Florida? Do we as Americans really NOT understand the way the American Government works? I know there are a lot of people who believe President Obama is really Darth Obama, last remaining Sith Lord who has come from Korriban hell bent on destroying our republic and installing a galactic senate intent on making us all live under a universal healthcare system  with food stamp vending machines in our living rooms. But please…please…PLEASE, spare me my five minutes of time and put some sort of symbol before your post like an asterisk or a #stupidpostincoming or something so I have ample warning before I read it. This way everyone is happy. You will be happy because you can still post your nonsense. I will be happy because I will not have to read your nonsense. And my family will be happy because they do not have to witness me gouging out my eyes with a spork after reading your drivel.

Thank you for your time.

 

The political climate in the country

I normally do not post about politics because frankly, the voices in my head are angry enough already. However, I felt that a speech over a century ago still merits attention in today’s environment:

Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent a new nation, conceived in liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal.

  Now we are engaged in a great civil war, testing whether that nation, or any nation, so conceived and so dedicated, can long endure. We are met on a great battle-field of that war. We have come to dedicate a portion of that field, as a final resting place for those who here gave their lives that that nation might live. It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this.

  But, in a larger sense, we can not dedicate, we can not consecrate, we can not hallow this ground. The brave men, living and dead, who struggled here, have consecrated it, far above our poor power to add or detract. The world will little note, nor long remember what we say here, but it can never forget what they did here. It is for us the living, rather, to be dedicated here to the unfinished work which they who fought here have thus far so nobly advanced. It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the great task remaining before us—that from these honored dead we take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave the last full measure of devotion—that we here highly resolve that these dead shall not have died in vain—that this nation, under God, shall have a new birth of freedom—and that government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth.

 -Abraham Lincoln 1863 Gettysburg Address

Interview on Indie Author Land

http://www.indieauthorland.com/archiv...

Thanks to Indie Author Land for getting inside my head and letting me spew all over their website.