K.F. Breene's Blog, page 11

How About These Hot Guys??

You know how on a lot of romance blogs you see pictures like this:

  And this? 
Well, I put together my own list of truly drool worthy men. What's better? I'm pretty sure I covered most everyone's taste.

But first, what the hell is up with Mr. Camo Briefs? ^^
Thank god he has those, or we might see him out there in the middle of the desert! Also, did he eat a can of spinach before the shoot, because his arms are big enough, but what happened to his legs? Did he just kinda forget those existed while at the gym?

Anyway, on to the delicious men.


You like white underwear? Look at this super hot hunk.


Oh my word. Faint. Swoon. I love wanna be supermen.


What was that? Cascading water is your thing?
Well then shiver me timbers. He's a little young, but trainable. Ha ha, nudge, nudge.

Oh, wait, you don't mind fur? Why, let me reach into my bag of hot guys.  On the couch and ready for you. Jump on in, I know I would. Oh my.


Here's a WFT moment:
I would tie his bikini bottoms any day!

This will help with your crotch rot issue. Get this for your man of choice:
 Better for tiny penises, of course.
Let's get back to white underwear. I want more hint of penis, please:

 Yes, exactly. Perfect! *fans self*  Let's just cut to the chase shall we? ***X-rated to follow--please stop here if you don't want to see the WHOLE picture****
     
Man scape and all.  *raises hand* Can we have some white underwear over here, please? We've got a douche that didn't get the memo...  

Review - Braving the Elements


 Braving the Elements by K.F. Breene Genre: Paranormal/Fantasy RomanceReviewer: Sally Sparrow   Amazon | iTunes | Goodreads             Sasha has always known she was different, but now she also knows that the shadow men she’s seen all her life, are real.

With a life goal of fitting in, Sasha hopes her strange abilities will finally make true friendship a possibility. Unfortunately, her magic doesn’t function like everyone else’s. What she thought would make her belong, sets her apart now more than ever.

Stefan, all but promised to a different woman, has tried to keep his mind on his duties instead of the irresistible and free-spirited human. But when she is threatened, he can’t keep his distance anymore. He realizes he’ll stop at nothing to keep her safe, and more importantly, make her his.

Just when one thing clicks into place, another spirals out of control. Stefan’s clan isn’t the only group that would benefit from an extremely rare type of magic. And their enemies will stop at nothing to get what they want.   I think I'm in love. I almost don't want anyone else to read this book, because I don't want to share my gorgeous new book boyfriend. I found him first, he's mine! If only. Sasha and Stefan are back, in this anxiously-awaited, much-anticipated (is that redundant?) second installment of their story. If you haven't yet read Into the Darkness (the first installment), do so now. Like, right this very minute now. I'm not even sure what to say that won't give away the story, other than "It's fantastic! Find a copy & read it, immediately". Assuming you already read book one, of course.  In this book Sasha has moved into the mansion and is attending school. Charles is still assigned as her protector, and I am continuously amused by their banter. School for Sasha consists of three classes, Elements, Weapons, and Incantations, and while it may sound Harry Potter-ish, it doesn't read that way at all.   I think most readers can agree that Sasha kicks major ass. She's smart, sassy, thinks on her feet, and has an inner strength that just wows me.  As for Stefan....Wow. Just, WOW.  He’s hulky big, tall, dark, GORGEOUS, decorated with symbol tattoos (I’m not a fan of pictorial tattoos), intelligent, kind, noble, a strong leader, absolutely brilliant with a sword, and an incredibly fierce warrior. And all that is with his clothes on! He is so wonderful that if we were the same gender I would likely hate him but since we aren’t.....<sigh>, I find him super-dreamy.  Braving the Elements would make a fantastic movie. It has dramatic battle scenes, several interpersonal conflicts, action scenes, drama scenes, lots of humor, and a few super-hot sex scenes. That said, I hope it is never so popular that it gets made into a movie. Who could possibly play Stefan? He is physically huge and perfect, and his character is what most every woman wants: fierce, strong, kind, gentle, smart, considerate, and protective. Did I say all that already? I can’t help it. He is my fabulous new book boyfriend and I love him.  He is the ultimate combination of the wild, hot, sex machine guy you date, and the kind of guy you marry and have a family with. Usually those two categories are mutually exclusive, but Stefan is the best parts of both kinds of men. 5 BILLION STARS!! KFB: What is she going to say? It's on my blog :)   

Bound by Lies Blitz and Giveaway!

 Bound by Liesby Hanna Peach **Check out the Q&A and Giveaway Below** 
  Bound by Lies by Hanna Peach
(Bound #1)
Publication date: January 21st 2014
Genres: Adult, Romance, Suspense  {KFB Comment: I really like the look of this cover. I also like that it is adult romance, rather than the weird trend of New Adult, AKA 17 years olds getting busy. Well done! Plus, its freaking 99 cents!! One-click.} PROMO PRICE!! 99 pennies for a limited time Amazon 
Our love is on his terms. He contacts me only through notes − unpredictable and untraceable. When we meet, he can touch me, but I’m not allowed to touch him. When we make love, it’s only after I have been bound and blindfolded. It’s the only time I truly feel alive. Which is why I play along with it. For now.

Caden Thaine is the most sinfully beautiful man I have ever seen. But more than that, his touch sets me on fire. And dear God, do I ache for him. I don’t know where he lives or even what he does. But this doesn’t scare me. My only fear is that one day his messages will stop. I know he’s hiding something. But that’s okay. I am hiding things, too. Like my real name and... who I really am. But the deeper I fall for him, the stronger my curiosity grows.

I could never have imagined just how much our lives are bound. And that pulling at his tangled web of secrets would cause my own dark past to come back to try and reclaim me. Will we survive? Will our love?

Adult romantic suspense. +18 years.  {KFB Comment: And that synopsis just drove the intrigue home. This could be a goodie!!}       
Q: Firstly, who is the real life Caden and can I get his number? ;)A: haha, get in line ;) But seriously, Caden isn’t really based on anyone I know (damn).
 Q: So, was Caden your favorite character to write?A: Actually, I loved writing Mick, Kitten’s kickboxing coach. He’s gruff and swears a lot but he’s soft on the inside. I had fun coming up with creative insults for him.
Q: Did you expect the reaction that you got from the book?A: I knew that this would be the kind of book that people would either love or hate. I didn’t expect that people would be as passionate as they are about which side of the fence they stand on! But I think this is a good thing. I was told by my old writing mentor, “the worst thing for your reader to feel is apathy.” So yes, hate the book or love it, I’m glad it makes you feel something.
Q: Speaking of reactions, what did your dad think about Bound by Lies? (Did you end up letting him read it? Haha)A: Oh God. Let’s get one thing straight: I didn’t let my dad read Bound. He bought the book and started reading it even after I told him not to. The conversation on how I found out went something like this:
Dad: So I bought your new book, Bound by Lies.
Hanna: WHAT?
Dad: I started reading it.
Hanna: OMG NO YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO READ THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dad: Wow... It's a little hot.
Hanna: *jumps out of window*
I refused to continue that conversation with him. I really really don’t need to know what he thinks about all this… I can always deny I wrote it, right?
Q: So if you didn’t want your family reading it, why did you choose to write under your real name?A: I did consider a pen name but in the end I decided not to. I think that part of my purpose as a writer is to express myself as openly and as truthfully as possible. The reason behind why I was considering a pen name is because of how I thought people would judge me based on the kind of book Bound by Lies is. I joke about not wanting my family or friends to read the novel but really, it doesn’t bother me.
Q: And Jacob *shudders*… what part of him is the “truth”?A: I had an ex-boyfriend who I used as a basis for developing Jacob’s character; the possessiveness, the jealousy, the sex and even some of the things that Jacob would say to Kitten were exact things that he would say to me. Thankfully I left before my situation escalated into physical violence. But there are a lot of women who don’t and unfortunately I’ve known some. I think part of the reason is that we don’t recognize the signs. That’s why I’m not going to hide my experience from the world. Silence only helps to allow these kinds of abusive relationships to continue. Something I share might help someone else recognize a bad situation before it does escalate.
Q: Whoa. Ok. Let’s end with a nice light question then. If your book was made into a movie who would you pick as your cast?A: Well, I can’t talk about Kitten because she hasn’t revealed what she looks like (for her own safety, you know)… but Jason Momoa (Khal Drogo from TV series Game of Thrones) is what I imagine Caden to look like. *wipes drool off chin*
 AUTHOR BIO 
 Hanna began to write at the tender age of seven, starting with a daring and questionable autobiography entitled Go Suck a Lemon. Perhaps it was a little before its time. After leaving school she agreed with everyone who said she needed to get a degree and a real job to become a proper adult. She kept writing as a hobby. After starting (and never finishing) several degrees and switching from multiple careers, she finally decided that being a real adult was overrated. In 2012, she sold everything, moved to Europe and began to write full-time. Eternally restless, Hanna has lived in Indonesia, Australia, Germany and Scotland. She is currently residing in England.
She is addicted to coffee and chocolate and would one day like to own a dragon.
Hanna Peach is the author of the Dark Angel urban fantasy series and Bound romantic suspense series. Angelblood (Dark Angel #4) and Bound by Fear (Bound #2) are due for publication in 2014. Website  |  Facebook  |  Twitter  

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Review - Come Away with Me by Kristen Proby

   Come Away with Me by Kristen Proby Genre: Erotica RomanceReviewer: Sally Sparrow   FREE ALERT!! Amazon  |  Goodreads       Being confronted on the beach by a sexy stranger wasn't part of Natalie Conner's plans for a peaceful morning taking photos. And why on earth would he think she's taking pictures of him, anyway? Who is he? One thing’s for sure, he’s hot, and incredibly romantic, feeding Natalie’s wounded soul.

Luke Williams just wants the world to give him a break, so seeing yet another camera aimed at his face has him ready to pounce on the beauty behind the lens. When he finds out she has no idea who he is, he's intrigued and more than a little tempted by her. Natalie has a body made for sex, a sassy mouth and Luke can’t get enough of her, but he’s not ready to tell her who he really his.

Natalie is a no nonsense girl who doesn’t do well with lies and secrets. What will happen to this new relationship when she discovers what Luke’s hiding?     <contains some spoilers>   Hmmm.... let’s see, if you are a photographer, taking photos on a public beach, and some incredibly hot guy - like movie-star beautiful - accosts you for your camera but will settle for you just deleting the photos, what kind of conclusion do you draw from the encounter? Would you right away assume that he thinks you were taking his picture, especially since he said words to that effect? Would you assume he was in some way famous since he seems downright furious that you took his picture (even though you didn’t, he just thought you did), made an allusion to people not leaving him alone, and is really too beautiful for words? I think I would assume he was in some way famous. Just from reading the opening pages in this book I figured Luke was an actor of some sort.   Natalie, the female lead, did not make this gigantic leap with me. This all happened to her early one morning, and while it was very early, and she did not get much sleep the previous night as we later learn, I started this book wondering what kind of idiot is Natalie.  Spoiler alert - Luke is indeed a famous actor. Natalie is not the moron she seemed to be in the opening scene, thank heavens, although her idiocy does return later in the book. I don’t want to give away too much, but there is a situation near the end of the book that had me groaning at her obtuseness.   Luke and Natalie of course fall madly in love, have crazy, wonderful sex every few pages, and have a whole host of difficulties to overcome as a couple. It is lovely and sweet, and so full of sex that eventually I started skipping those parts. Really, how much sex can two people have? Maybe new couples, in real life, do have that much sex. I personally have very pleasing memories of the early days of my last new relationship, but that was ten years and two kids ago, so reading about all that sex just made me tired. How many times a day, every day, do real people do it? Surely not this much, as most people work.  Despite all the rampant sex, despite his enormous size (of course!), and despite her really, REALLY long drought, she did not once walk like a cowboy.  Natalie was “deliciously sore” in the beginning, but she wasn’t so sore that any accommodations had to be made. As readers, we hear about everything - what they had for dinner, when she used the bathroom, both of their work schedules, intimate details of all of their screwing--but there was no lingering physical discomfort which I found unrealistic, considering the circumstances of size/quantity/drought.  Otherwise, there are a couple of little things that bothered me as I read this book. One: Luke has a really serious jealous streak. This comes up many times, until finally things come to a head in an argument between Natalie and Luke’s sister, in front of Luke and his entire family. We never hear about his jealous issues again, and Luke and Natalie do not have a private conversation about it after the fact. Really? It was that easy? I don’t buy it, not with how insanely angry Luke got whenever Natalie would even speak to a certain male photography client of hers.   Two: Natalie makes mention of how much she loves her bedroom and house, and how she never wants to leave it. Later in the book, when she and Luke decide to move in together, she leaves her home without a second glance. No sadness over leaving her beautiful bedroom, and no pangs of sorrow over abandoning her wonderful home. I feel like this point was made in the first chapter, and the author forgot about it by the end of the book. It is just a loose end, dangling out there, never to be tied up.   Three: in that first encounter between Natalie and Luke, he asks her to have breakfast with him. She declines. She makes a mental comment about how he is a stranger, and while he doesn’t seem dangerous, you just never know. Her thought is “I, of all people, know about stranger-danger”. Later on, she shares all of the traumatic experiences of her life with Luke, but not one of them included a dangerous stranger. Why would she ‘of all people’ know about stranger-danger? Why??   Ugh. These loose ends are driving me crazy. What do you call foreshadowing that never gets addressed? I patiently waited for these issues to be resolved but it never happened. It’s rude to tease people. More importantly, it is sloppy writing.   On the positive side, none of the characters are hurting for money. It can get tiring, how frequently romance-novel couples are comprised of one wealthy person and one poor person. Here they both have money so there aren’t any poverty versus extravagance scenes or issues, for which I am very grateful. Overall, this is a sweet story. There is lots of romance, lots of sex, lots of wonderful inter-personal relationships. Everyone, except Luke’s sister, is all sunshine and roses, and even the sister comes around in the end. Not very realistic, more of a modern fairytale, but fairytales are nice once in a while.  3 stars  

Cover Reveal!! See Through Me by Sera Bright

COVER REVEAL    See Through Me by Sera Bright
(Lose My Senses #1)
Publication date: May 2014
Genres: Contemporary, New Adult, Romance
  There's only one person I want to see when I return home. But I know he won't be waiting. It's the reason I feel safe enough to come back.

I’m so wrong.

Ash Townsend isn't the same quiet boy from next door. He's tall, dark, and demanding answers. He wants me, but he doesn't trust me. Who can blame him? When his own family tried to break him down, he still sheltered me in this town full of liars. And I repaid it by leaving him without a word.

Because I'll do anything to protect Ash. I have the scars on my wrist to prove it.     AUTHOR BIO 
When I’m not plotting elaborate schemes in my head, I’m having a fabulous time with my own real life story. That’s what happens when you have three awesome kids, two fluffy (useless) cats, and one very patient husband.


I can cook like a fiend but prefer to eat doughnuts with sprinkles for breakfast. Sprinkles make everything taste better. An avid reader of all genres, I shamelessly admit romance will always be my favorite. And while I enjoy the safe and familiar, I’m always up for an adventure.

My debut New Adult Contemporary Romance novel SEE THROUGH ME will be released in May. You can contact me at https://www.facebook.com/authorserabright , https://twitter.com/SeraBright , or through my website www.serabright.com       

Burning Down the House Blitz and Giveaway!

 Burning Down the Houseby Allie Gail   Check out the Giveaway Below!   Burning Down the House by Allie GailPublication date: March 2014
Genres: Contemporary, New Adult
  Amazon  |   B&N    This book contains strong language and sexual content and is intended for ages 17+.

Rob Kensington is just your typical high school senior. Athletic, intelligent, handsome. Sees a therapist once a week. Because his parents just died in a house fire of questionable origin. And he doesn’t seem to care.
Maybe he isn’t so typical.

Sara Marsh had no clue when she returned to live with her divorced father that the bedroom down the hall would be occupied by a stray with a major attitude problem. The last time she saw Rob, he was a brooding goth who could have passed as Marilyn Manson’s love child. But at some point during her three years away, Creepy Kensington managed to evolve into a sizzling hot star running back with smoldering hazel eyes.

The attraction is undeniable. The temptation is irresistible. And soon they’re sharing more than just an address. But with another life lost in a deliberately set blaze, Sara’s trust is faltering. Has she lost her heart to a serial arsonist? He’s already shown her the allure of playing with fire.

And someone’s about to get burned. 
Excerpt:


“Hellooo, baaaa-by!”
Startled, I floundered to cover my boobs while splashing water over the side of the tub and all across the floor in the process. “What the hell! What are you - get out of here!” I threw a loofah at him but in my haste I missed.
Ignoring my demand, Rob moseyed over to kneel beside the bathtub, propping his arms on the edge and smirking at my compromising position. There weren’t any bubbles left to hide under, so I quickly drew my knees up to my chest and wrapped my arms around them. “What are you, deaf? I said get out!”
“I heard what you said.” To my amazement, he dipped his fingers in the water and swirled them around. “Water’s getting cold.”
“Then take your hand out of it!” I snapped, my cheeks flushing pink.
“I think we should let it out.” He reached underwater for the drain stopper, and his grin slowly spread as my eyes widened.
“Don’t you dare.”
“See…payback’s a bitch, now isn’t it?”
“Don’t touch that drain. I mean it.” To my horror, I felt an overwhelming urge to laugh and I pressed my lips together to suppress a smile. For some idiotic reason, whenever I get nervous I start giggling like a deranged person. I have no idea why. It’s very annoying, especially because it happens at the most inopportune moments.
“I thought we were playing You-Show-Me-Yours-And-I’ll-Show-You-Mine.” He lifted the edge of the stopper just enough to tease me, allowing a small amount of water to escape. “Well, you had your go and now it’s my turn.”
“I think you’ve had one too many beers!” That probably wasn’t even far from the truth. After all, I’d never seen him acting this cheeky before.
“Whoops. Oh my goodness - what do we have here?” He plucked the stopper completely out and held it up, just out of my reach. The water began to rush down the drain. To me it seemed to be disappearing ten times faster than usual.
“It’s not funny!” I protested, even though I was struggling not to giggle at that point. My shoulders were shaking.
“I’m not the one laughing,” he reminded me.
“All right - fine, you got me back. Ha, ha, you’re so clever. At least hand me a towel.”
“Mm…I don’t think so.”
“Hand me a freaking towel!” The water was getting perilously low, and I shoved one foot over the drain to try and diminish the flow.
“You didn’t say please…” he sang softly.
“Rob…” I looked straight at him then, directly into those hazel eyes, and something I saw in them squashed my impulse to laugh. I don’t know what it was, but all of a sudden the only impulse I felt anymore was the overpowering urge to kiss him. And not only that. I had the craziest compulsion to wrap my arms around his neck and pull him on top of me and let him do me six ways to Sunday, right there in the bathtub.
My expression must have been transparent because his smile inexplicably faded. He hesitated for a moment, his eyes searching mine. For what, I can’t say. But I guess he didn’t find what he was looking for there. Straightening, he tossed me the drain stopper and walked out without a word.
 AUTHOR BIO


Allie fell in love with the written word from the moment she was issued her very first Sally, Dick and Jane book. Born and raised in Alabama, she now resides in the panhandle of Florida with her own blue-eyed Prince Charming and three obnoxious cats. When she's not working on her latest literary project, she can usually be found watching B-movie horror (the cheesier, the better), reading or playing online computer games while indulging her unhealthy Pepsi addiction.



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Here comes Paddy's Day.

Let me start by saying, "Ugh."



I wanted to take a break from drinking. I am starting to eat better, and to work out, and I just don't want the drama of a hangover. Stop drinking before you get into hangover zone, you say? But then I am just drinking empty calories. See the conundrum? I'd rather just give any sort of drinking a rest for a while.

But the Paddy's Day parade is tomorrow. I'm not going--I hate parades. But it is tradition that people with kids go to the Irish Center after the parade.

We might skip the parade, but there is no way, no way, my Irish husband, and Irish friends, will let me skip the Irish Center. Plus, my kid loves the Irish center, and she'll know as many kids there as I'll know adults.

Ah, the Irish community. Crushers of livers.

If I abstain from drinking while I am there, I'll get the, "Ah go on! Here you go!" Beers will show up. From nowhere. I might be nursing a beer, and then turn around to find four beers waiting on my notice.



You think I am exaggerating. This happened last year. I got them into me as fast as possible, and still had a huge pile of backups behind me.

For those of you who don't know what it's like drinking with Irish, let me break this down.

Say you are in a group of five people. For the sake of covering all bases, we'll put women and men both in this group. Someone will buy the first round--you don't just buy yourself a drink, you buy everyone in your group a drink (unless you make it abundantly clear that you are "on your own", and will not accept a drink from anyone else so that you don't have to buy anyone else a drink).

So you buy the first round. You all gab and drink up. People start getting near the end of their bottles, so someone else throws up their hand for the next round. Buying complete rounds goes in turns. With this system, you spend the same if you are drinking alone, as with others. You buy five beers, then drink five beers, before it is your turn for a round again. Easy system, right?

In the beginning, yes.

Third round comes along.

Now, a couple things are happening by this time. Firstly, Irish guys generally prefer to pay for the ladies. That's just the way they are raised. They'll accept a round from girls, and often do, but they will also be okay (usually) paying for a round a female was supposed to buy. He might see beers getting empty, know its one of the ladies' turn to buy, and throw up his hand. This is confusing, and may lead to two rounds being bought at the same time.

Next thing that is happening: the men folk are probably putting a substantial lead on the girls drinking-wise. Men seem to drink faster, generally have more practice (especially during/after the child bearing years for women), and can drink much more. So the rounds are starting to get skewed.



Fourth round comes to a close for one of the guys. The other guy, and maybe a girl, try to drink up to keep up. But...whose round is it?

Things are hazy, people are talking, all the beer levels are getting off, other people are stopping by to talk...

Now comes the fight to call rounds.

"No, I got it. It's my round!"
"No! It's my round. You got the last one."
"Kelly got the last one. I got it--"
"Would ye cope on? I've got it."
Bartender: "I got this one."

Buy backs. This is a "thing" in the Irish community in America. You buy a few rounds and the bartender buys you a round. It's great. But it confuses things even further.

Rounding out the fifth round, usually the girls are either very behind and struggling to keep up, or just starting to fall behind. Most are buzzed, some are heading towards drunk. Everyone is laughing, joking and having a great damn time. Irish people, generally, are fun-loving drunks, eager to spread the love with laughs in plenty. Some of the best nights in San Francisco during my college years was spent in Irish bars. You can totally let loose and no one judges--well, how could they, they are being nutters right beside you.

One of the guys finishes his beer and looks around. Everyone is gabbing and having a merry time. He doesn't worry about whose turn it is. He couldn't care less. He wants a damn beer, he can't remember buying one recently, so he'll just go for it.

The girls now have a beer waiting while the one guy plows on. But, with a waiting beer comes responsibility. You know that you are behind, but that you still have an obligation to provide drink. The next fight is when the lead drinker is nearing the end of his bottle and one of the women raises her hand to get a round.

Second guy not quite drinking as fast: "No, you're grand. I got this."
Woman: "Would ye feck off? I got this one."
Another woman: "Don't get one for me, I've got plenty!"
Woman: "Are ye sure? Go on, you would." To bartender, "Give her a backup."
Another woman: "No honestly, I'm fine. I'm okay." To bartender, "Not for me, no. I'm okay." Grabs bottles in a lock-down type hold. No more beer coming her way.
Woman: *roars* "Just give them all a fecking round, would ya? I'm paying for it, and I say give 'em a fecking round."

Bartender has heard the last in the argument, and heads away to get the beers.

So the one guy is getting all his beers just in time. The next guy isn't terribly far behind. The girls are starting to drown. "Back ups," which are markers for beers owed (generally upside down shot glasses) start to line the bar. Actual beers waiting to be drank are also lining the bar. Fuzziness descends.

Free-for-all!




Someone will buy the lead guy a beer, and leave everyone else out, just to keep him drinking. Or the lead guy might wander away just to get his own beer while he waits for everyone to catch up. Then you get friends buying one or two beers for part of the group... "Oh hey, Mikey is here. Get Mikey down dere a beer, will ya?"

Mikey was in a round. Shamus doesn't care. He sends a beer Mikey's way in greeting.

Mikey is now half-obligated to send a beer back on the next round. Shamus might be in a different round, though. Mikey does not care.

Mayhem. Beers everywhere, you don't know who's buying what, and about this time, I just let my husband figure things out and reach for the continual stream of beers headed my way. When I get tired of taking free beers (which might not be free since my husband is super generous with drink, and is really quick to keep everyone drinking), I roar and shout and force my way into buying a round. Do I care everyone has a backup? I do not. I am getting the gumption to buy a beer, and god damn it, I will fulfill my obligation, so shut up about it.

I might also just jump on the bandwagon with "Oh fuck off. Drink it!" (I don't have the accent, obliviously)

What about the kids, you ask? Did we forget about them?




Well, a night like above is usually kid-less. But on Paddy's Day, no, that is not the case. If it is a young kid, he/she will stay around the group of adults to be watched by a communal set of eyes. Irish people, generally, come from large families. This means that many Irish guys (dare I say most) are really good with kids, and won't hesitate to say hi, or play around a minute, or just make sure no one dies. I know a guy that is a terrible father to his own kid, but he is really good with my daughter. Does that make sense? No. But such is the case.

If the young kid has an older sibling, that sibling will be in charge of keeping an eye on the younger one. They'll stop in with issues, but otherwise, off to play with all the other kids around the place. It is a huge building, with someone standing guard around the exits so no one gets away--kids get the run of the place, and since they are all ages, they watch the younger generation.

This is how it is done in the Irish community. Apparently, also the redneck community, because I had a similar upbringing with my parents having beers with their friends for events, and all the kids running amok. Good times!



So, tomorrow, all the parents will crowd into the bar section and the restaurant. An Irish band will play. Younger kids will stick around the lower level in the bar section dancing and playing with other younger kids, while the other kids will head outside (gated parking lot) to the bouncy house or play ball. Or maybe just ride the elevator and create havoc. Kind of anything goes in this setting for the kids. This is so the adults don't have to worry about discipline and just enjoy themselves.

Even if I pretended to be pregnant, I'd get handed a beer. A Guinness. "Ah, go on. Guinness is good for ye. Plenty of iron."

I am not kidding. I heard this all the time when I was pregnant.

So  yes, I will be drinking tomorrow. I will. I know I will. And my kid won't want to leave, and the husband won't want to leave, so I'll have to buck up and handle it.

Happy St. Paddy's Day!

OMG My Dream Last Night!

I woke up this morning feeling a little...embarrassed. Not guilty, really, but kind of off. I thought about the events of the evening before, where I had a BBQ and a couple beers with my friends, and wondered if this feeling was the shames.

 Do you know what the "shames" are? It's a term I learned from the Irish. You go drinking, get drunk, and talk a load of crap, or act the fool, or some other extremely embarrassing thing you would've never done sober. You wake up the next day totally ashamed of being a huge douche.

In this instance, though, I hadn't had enough beers to do anything out of the ordinary. I left my friend's house, with my family, in a fine mood. I stayed up and watched a new TV show (with terrible acting) by myself, and then went to bed.

That is all pretty standard. So why the feeling this morning?

It just occurred to me...

Ugh!

My dream.

In my dream, I was having some "sexy alone time"... I was watching a dirty movie and playing with some toys of the sexual persuasion. As is usual in dreams, I was doing this in a weird setting. In this instance, I was in a room by myself where a wedding/party was going on elsewhere in the house.

Of course I would section myself off from a party with a porn and a vibrator. Who wouldn't, right? Totally normal behavior in the realm of a dream.

Well, of course the husband comes in.

To hide my activities, I easily reach forward toward the TV--which becomes a computer at this time--and try to close the open window before any guy-on-guy action comes up. Yup, you got that right, I wasn't just watching porn, I was watching gay porn. I do actually think there was a girl thrown in there somewhere, but that bit is hazy.

I am doing this nonchalant reach with toy-playing in progress, hidden easily under a large, white down comforter. He will be none the wiser--I thought in my dream. A naked woman in bed, sectioned off from a party, watching a movie is a totally normal occurrence. Nothing to see here, folks.

Well, the stupid computer won't close in time, and the husband notices the "excitement" on the screen. "Oh, is this what you do when you write?" he asks condescendingly.

About here he is on the wrong side of the bed. What I mean by that is, suddenly I have a heap of vibrators, all different sizes, shapes and colors, dumped on the far side of the bed so he won't notice them. Just dumped on the ground. Why did I need a gang-bang's worth of vibrators? I have no idea. Why I thought throwing them overboard would hide them effectively? No clue.

But oh look--he found my stash of vibrators. Of course he did.

What happens next...

Well, friends, as dreams tend to do, it just gets weirder.

With a gay porn on in the background, me mid-fun-times, also now totally embarrassed by the mound of fake penises, he reaches for the dishwasher (yes, my night stand now doubles as a dishwasher), opens the door, and grabs out a butt plug. He actually had to choose one, because I had several in this whirling delight of sexual toys--a fact which did not shock me in my dream.

You think the next bit was x-rated, don't you? Yes and no. He "positions" the plug for me--thank you so much, honey, even though I am pretty sure you've never seen one of those in your life--"positions" a bright yellow phallic object for me--why, thank you again, you are most helpful--and leaves the room.

The dream isn't done yet. Apparently, I push the envelope even in my dreams.

With the party going full swing, and the husband gone, and the computer off now (somehow), suddenly the wall on my right, the one cleverly hiding the mountain of vibrators, disappears. A random guys walks up. Just walks up out of nowhere, while I am twice penetrated by inanimate objects.

I casually watch, frozen like a burglar when the lights snap on, as the man notices the vibrator pile. His perplexed look says, "How strange." He bends over, completely nonchalant, and picks one up off the pile. He does not care where it might have been, he analyzes it in the light like he might a interesting rock.


"So, you like the misshapen ones?" My husband is now standing with the stranger, surveying my stock pile. And he is right: my heap O toys all look a little...off. It is as if each object is viewed through a fun-house mirror.

All I can think in this situation is how I ardently wished I hid that huge pile of toys a little better.

This cuts off, and suddenly I am asking a room full of a wedding party if they want anything. I wake up as I am trying to track down a hundred waters while amazed that I can hardly feel the butt plug.

There are a great many ways to read into this dream, of course. I'm not sure about the butt plug--I've never tried one, but I just read a short erotica story with one, so maybe that sparked my curiosity. I have a feeling, though, that the next wedding I attend will see me staring at closed doors with wide eyes...

Review - Outside by Shalini Boland, as part of the Shattered Worlds boxed set

Outside by Shalini BolandGenre: Dystopian
Reviewer: Sally Sparrow

  
Amazon  |  iTunes  |  Goodreads


 Book One in The Outside Series.

The future is divided by Perimeters: high-security gated communities where life goes on as normal. If you’re inside you’re lucky. If you’re outside, life expectancy takes a nose dive.

Riley is fortunate to have been born on the right side of the fence. But her life of privilege comes crashing down when someone breaks through and murders her sister.

She forsakes her own safety to go in search of the killer. Luc decides to go with her otherwise she’ll be dead before she’s past the security gate. But what awaits her outside is more unbelievable that she ever imagined.

Cut to the present day where Eleanor's world is falling apart. This time next year, civilisation won't be quite so civilized...  


***contains some spoilers***
I read this book two weeks ago and I still haven’t decided if I like it. I want to like it, and I  don’t dislike it, but I can’t definitively say I like it, either. I am just...undecided.
For starters, it is dystopian. Generally speaking that is not my favorite genre. Real life is scary and depressing so I prefer the fantasies I indulge in to be more upbeat and humorous.
Second, this book is actually a dystopian coming-of-age story, with a side of murder mystery and romance. But not at all once. It starts with a murder, moves to coming-of-age, sprinkles in the slightest amount of romance, and then at the very end goes back to the murder. It has a lot going on for one little book.
Third, there is a dual-storyline issue. Two girls, two different time periods, two seemingly unrelated lives. First we meet Riley. She lives in a post-apocalyptic gated community secured by armed guards. Several chapters later we meet Eleanor, who lives in pre-apocalyptic England. Both girls are British teenagers, but that seems to be all they have in common. They don’t even get equal billing. Riley gets at least three times as many chapters on her story than does Eleanor.
Also, there was no obvious system to the inclusion of Eleanor’s chapters. The randomness of her story, and the lack of parallel between the two girls’ lives, detracted from the flow of Riley’s tale. Riley’s part starts with her sister getting murdered, her convincing the neighbor boy to travel across the country looking for the murderer, and the two of them sneaking out of the compound on a road trip with machine guns. Eleanor’s part is normal teenage girl angst - mean girl friend, choosing between boyfriends, that kind of thing. The lives of these two girls are too different to meld together in this manner.
In hindsight I can see what the author was trying to do in weaving these two stories together, but instead of creating a multi-leveled tapestry, it read more like someone working on two different blankets at the time same; knit the green blanket for 40 minutes, then knit the orange blanket for 10 minutes. There was no cohesiveness. When they are eventually tied together, it is in a conversation at the end of the book. I think it would have worked better if the author had shown us the rest of Eleanor’s story rather than telling it in a dialog as she does.
All of that aside, Riley’s is a different and interesting coming-of-age story. There is nothing like the cross-country trip, without adults, that encourages people to grow up. She and her friend Luc have adventures aplenty - they were attacked, robbed, swindled, imprisoned, rescued - and meet all kinds of people while doing so. Both Riley and Luc are likable, relatable people, and it was easy to empathize with them in their struggles.
Eleanor, on the other hand, I can’t stand. If there is any one character in a book that I want to suffer, it is her. I want all of the pain she caused everyone else to be inflicted on her. Does karma work for fictional characters? She is in love with one boy, but he gets killed so she ends up marrying a different boy. Later on she discovers her first love is still alive so cheats on her husband of 15 years with her teenage sweetheart. Who does that?? Eleanor is selfish and delusional and I just want to punch her in the face.
As for the murder - remember the murder? - that is solved in the epilogue. The entire point of the story - the original premise, the catalyst of Riley’s cross-country trip - is resolved in the epilogue. I was stunned by this. Did the author just kill off a sister to give Riley and Luc a reason to leave their sheltered existence?
Despite these annoyances, I did enjoy Riley and Luc’s story. They are really great characters - smart, moral, brave. However, there is a sequel which I do not anticipate reading. Eleanor is sure to be included in that one somehow, and I will be happy to never read about her again.
3.5 stars

 

Published!

I love that moment right before I hit 'publish'.

After I've been through the many drafts, the frustrations and hard work.

After I've sent the manuscript out to beta readers, and then had to fix, and tweak, and push myself to meet the challenges many of the beta readers demand.

After I've pushed it through editing, and fixed, tweaked and adjusted again.

After I've worked with the cover guy, giving direction and trying to get someone else to understand the picture in my head.

And after I've formatted to get it looking just right.

After all that, when the book is uploaded, the cover is loaded, and all I have to do is...

hit Publish.

That is my favorite part of this process.

I love that wide-eyed excitement to share something I've worked so hard on. To let my joy, my heart, and the collaboration of the final push trickle into the market place and soak into an ereader.

I love that rush. The wholesome feeling of a job well done. Of something finished. Of a long road finally at an end, and ready for the world.

And maybe it is this wide-eyed wonder that makes the aggressively negative reviews so hard to bear. Maybe it is waking up to the harsh realities, when the naivety of creation burns away, that makes the low of bad reviews so much lower.

But for that first 48 hours--for that brief time when you hit that button, and watch as your creation shyly steps into the brutal landscape of the marketplace--that is my absolute favorite part of this business.