Clare Macnaughton's Blog, page 44

Sweet Baby Shower Theme

If you’ve been given the task of throwing a baby shower in honour of a good friend, or have taken it upon yourself to plan one as a surprise, you might be feeling a little overwhelmed at where to start right now.

As a traditionally American phenomenon, that’s fairly new to the UK, you may not have even attended a baby shower previously, let alone planned one!

Once you’ve got the guest list and the gift list sorted (if guests ask for suggestions, the cutest baby shoes, baby clothes and essential toiletries are all usually very well received by mums to be. Or why not consider clubbing together to purchase a larger item?) you’ll need to decide upon a theme. Once you’ve chosen a theme, everything else – food, drink, games, decorations – will fall into place. But what to choose?

Afternoon Tea

The trend for afternoon tea is still going strong, and is perfectly suited to a baby shower. It’s also super simple to do, and will look fantastic. You can buy disposable party wear with a vintage floral theme, as well as sweet bunting, paper chains, paper doilies and more, for a perfectly co-ordinated table. Food wise, simply serve dainty sandwiches, scones and cakes with lashings of tea served from proper teapots. If you’re planning on baking some cupcakes yourself, purchase a Vintage Rose Cupcake Set to make it easy!

Super Cute

Throwing a baby shower is a fabulous excuse to go OTT on the cute factor. As well as the obvious pastel pinks and baby blues, a quick search online will throw up some super cute themes that are ideal for unisex showers where the sex of the baby is still a secret. At PartyDelights.co.uk you’ll find rocking horse, turtle, duck, ladybird and bumblebee tableware – and more!

Specialist party websites make it easy to completely co-ordinate every aspect of the shower. For the Mr Turtle theme, for example, you’ll find personalised invites, table confetti, tableware, cupcake making kits, table centrepieces, balloons, decorations and favour bags – and ideas to fill them!

Why not also theme your gift by making a nappy cake in colours that co-ordinate with the theme? You’ll find everything that you need at ASDA – including nappies, baby toiletries, blankets, clothes and cute baby shoes to pop on top – without having to spend a fortune

Modern Mummy

Alternatively, not all mums to be are keen on the cutesy look. If you’re throwing a shower for a thoroughly modern mum, choose from classy spot and stripe themes, or maybe some trendy animal print with the Wild Safari Range?

 

Whatever theme you go for, no baby shower is complete without a few games to break the ice and get everyone chatting and having fun. You’ll find cute baby bingo games, baby themed trivia cards and even baby shower piñatas (to fill with posh individually wrapped chocs – Lindt are a good choice!) online.

The aim is to give the mum to be, and your dear friend, a baby shower to remember for all the right reasons, so choose a theme that you think suits her and it’s sure to earn you plenty of friend points for future use!

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May Getaway

I have had a full on week. The kids are just back to school and feels like May half term will be upon us in a heartbeat. I already feel weather worn and beaten – how can it be? I think we need to getaway and funds are tight and we might try one of Butlins holiday parks. I think we need a place where the kids are entertained because when they are occupied that’s when I know I can put my feet up and maybe even read a book. It’s great to do things together too and so we need lots of family friendly activities where I am not lugging around loads of kit. I want easy access to food the kids will eat as well. I have picky children and as much as I would like to get them to eat a Greek mezze the reality is that they like simple wholesome fayre.

I really could do with a getaway in the May bank holiday break. I did go to Butlins Barry Island once when I was a teenager, with the school. Hi Di Hi was in it’s hey day and I loved the bright colours of the red coats, the sharp, bright, glaring lipstick and the cheap gags. I dreamed of holiday camp holidays; and to me Butlin’s Barry Island was a place of lore and myth, where happiness was eternal. Of course, one wet, windy winter, Wednesday mid term it didn’t quite live up to my sitcom colored expectations as we filled the fruit machines with copper and whizzed round on plastic, petrol powered rides. My kids love candy floss and theme parks, swimming pools and flumes maybe it’s time to knot the hanky, roll up the trousers to the knees and make like Philip Larkin in Sunny Prestatyn.

I could do with a cheap May getaway to cheer up my poor beaten brow.

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The Attack of the Trolls

So it has begun the trolls that inhabit the dungeons of The Army Rumour Service, an online forum where under the excuse of the tag of the British Military, using forum names, and not their own identities, bullies proudly declare their hatred, racisim, misogyny and bigotry.

They hate me and love to write about how they plan to sexually violate me. They don’t realise this is sexual harrassment and illegal – but the owners of the website do which is why they remove the threads as quickly as the haters post them.

(click on image to enlarge)

I went to the police when they started threatening my 4 year old daughter – insinuating that they wanted to sexually violate her. There is an ongoing police investigation underway.

But now they have started sabotaging my Amazon reviews

(click on image to enlarge)

But the bottom line is they love to hate and attack – but anonymously on computers hiding behind users names. They are cowards.

 

 

 

 

 

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Blowing Goats

Being British wooing Americans isn’t something that comes intrinsically easy to me. Mary McCarthy, the bloggess of Pajamas and Coffee is one of my favourite bloggers – she tells it how it is and is funny to boot. I wanted her to review my book because she inspired 2 chapters in it and because I want to know if our American cousins would like it. Especially as I don’t like guns, or war, and some folk just don’t get it. This is how I snared her pert little American bottom.

Conversation started Thursday

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11:54



AModern Militarymother

Dear Mary,

I am British which means that I am shit at saying how amazing I think people are as an opener. In fact, I am writing the introduction after the main body because I realised that you were American and would respond better to gushing adoration. Being British this doesn’t come naturally to me but to be honest I love reading your articles and I love your style. I, also, love your house and live in a similar British house – in that it’s old, beautiful but costs an arm and a leg to heat – which is British for a fuck of a lot of money. Perhaps we should house swap for a holiday but not in the winter!

I wrote this book:

A Modern Military Mother – Tales from the Domestic Frontline

and there are two chapters in it inspired by you because reading your blog gave me the confidence to be more honest about who I was in my blog.

- WARNING – Obnoxious and Vulgar just like me

- Fear of Flying

I wondered if you would be interested in reviewing it. I am based in the UK so I could email you a PDF if you would like to read it. I think you’ll find it funny as it has much adult humour in it plus I like swearing.

Obviously, I would be honoured if you read it but I am skint (which is British for poor) so can’t pay which blows goats (which is British for goat fellatio). I would if I could (pay you not blow goats – I would never blow a goat under any circumstance) – I promise. I would be indebted and pay you one day if I ever made the big time.

Anyway think about it – my email is: Iwouldneverdoit@goatblowing.co.uk

your devoted fan, Clare xxx

A Modern Military Mother

www.amazon.com

A Modern Military Mother – Tales from the Domestic Frontline is a compilation of blog posts from the blog amodernmilitarymother.com about the life, reflections and rants of military wife Clare Macnaughton. Sometimes funny, sometimes sad and sometimes crazy, this is a quick and easy read. A literary, light snack.














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12:46


Mary Baschoff McCarthy

Clare,

I have tears in my eyes. Not just because of your (brilliant effort!) gushing adoration (sorry on behalf of my moronic nation that you had to put yourself through that) but also because Fear of Flying is my favorite book and figures prominently in the novel I am finishing edits on this week.

CONGRATULATIONS on your book! Not making this up: I am working on a post called “5 Books You Need to Order On Amazon Today.” And I have four books for it. Can you believe that?

And all you have to do to be the 5th is send a picture along of you blowing a goat. Seems fair, yes?

Skint is a great word. I’ve never heard it. I am perpetually skint in life. And I would never take your money. We will swap reviews- when my book comes you can review it, if you don’t mind books about dirty sexy women.

My email is Iwantyoutoblowsomegoats@gmail.com. Thanks for being inspired by me, sorry it wasn’t someone better!

xoxo

marymac

p.s. you know i was kidding about fellating the goat, correct?

 

Have you bought my godamn mother fucking book yet? If you haven’t please do so. I really would like to become financially independent and not have to shaft my decorated war hero of a husband out of he is hard earned pension when we get divorced. Please help me support myself – plus it’s a great read – if you don’t believe me, as clearly I am biased, check out the 23 reviews on Amazon.

A Modern Military Mother – Tales from the Domestic Frontline is a compilation of blog posts from the blog  amodernmilitarymother.com  about the life, reflections and rants of military wife, Clare Macnaughton. Sometimes funny, sometimes sad and sometimes crazy this is a quick and easy read. It’s a literary, light snack.

The book is available:

Amazon UK kindle – click  here

Price £2.58

Amazon UK Paperback – click  here

Price £3.75

About Clare Macnaughton.

Clare Macnaughton started the blog AModernMilitaryMother.com in 2009 to help explain life from the other side of the British military. She wrote her blog as a reflection of her own experiences in a decade of marriage to a man who serves in the military. This was her truth. Despite her separation she cannot sever from military life completely, her husband still deploys to Afghanistan and her children are still impacted by the continued and prolonged absences of their father. She is still a modern, military mother.

 

Please note: No goats were blown in the writing of this blog post

 

 

 

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5 Easy Ways to Get Your Groove Back

We can all have those moments where we can feel as though we are simply breathing rather than living. Being stuck in a rut can add to whatever stress has caused these emotions – whether it’s work, family, friends or something entirely different, it’s time to get back into your groove!

Step back and take a breath

Realising just what it is that’s bringing you down is the first step to feeling confident again. Once you’ve figured it out, it’s time to move away from the problem and take a break.

Take up a new hobby

Is there something you’ve always wanted to do but never got around to? Or perhaps you were always a little fearful of failure? Now is the time to challenge yourself and take up something new.

Whether it’s writing, photography, knitting, rock climbing or even train spotting, starting a new hobby can not only help you relax, you’ll feel a fantastic sense of achievement afterwards.

Remember that you’ve still got it

It might be tempting to slump around in sweatpants but wearing something sexy can really boost your confidence. Buy a new dress and heels and get ready to dazzle on a night out some of the girls.

Likewise, trying on sexy new lingerie like this Elle MacPherson one from Figleaves, will not only boost your own sense of self-worth, but your partner is sure to show their appreciation as well. Oh, and If you enter “TWENTY” at the point of checkout – you’ll get a 20% of discount too.

Indulge in some ‘me’ time

Book a weekend spa trip for yourself and learn how to really let go. Some time alone can be the ultimate indulgence, so buy throwing a weekend of pampering into the mix will allow you to return the following week with a new glow.

If a full weekend really isn’t viable, book some time at the local salon to have your hair cut and a manicure. Allowing yourself some ‘me’ time is truly the best way to get to know yourself again.

1)     Fake it until you make it

No one should hide their feelings, but sometimes forcing yourself to wear a smile and act positively will result in you actually feeling positive.

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Spring Is Springing So Lighten Up

I know that it might not feel like it but Spring is round the corner – hopefully it will get here before summer which is only weeks away. Having hunkered down for the winter, it’s time to freshen up the kitchen and dining room and get ready for the fun and frolics.

Me, aside, a January Capricorn; we are a family of summer birthdays so it’s time to get ready to celebrate. This means lighting up the rooms and to add some ceiling lights to the kitchen to freshen it up and preparing to shed some light on the situation. I like it nice and bright so that I can get stuck in to summer party cooking. My favourite is to slow roast pork or lamb, with ratatouille, tabulleuh, fresh salad laced with finely chopped herbs and minted cucumber yoghurt. All washed down with a crisp chilled Pouilly Fumé. I love summer entertaining.

The dining room is a disco diva’s place to boogie with a fabulous disco ball in the centre so that we can sprinkle some sparkle on the walls. The Menace is excited as she is first to celebrate with balloons, dancing, party games in her ‘celebration party’. It’s princess, princess, princess for her – she loves pretty dresses, glitter and make up.

Not long now until the first party and I have invitations to write, cakes to bake and parcels to wrap. I just hope the sun brings some warmth to us all – we could do with it.

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A Modern Military Mother to announce exclusive details of book number two at the London Book Fair

A Modern Military Mother to announce exclusive details of book number two at the London Book Fair

 

–Clare Macnaughton, author of A Modern Military Mother, will be on stand Q804 at Earl’s Court, April 17 2013 10am to midday and is available for media interviews–

 

“It’s not all baking, bunting and choirs. It’s mainly a lot of time on your own, juggling work, home and kids, while your partner is away.” - Clare Macnaughton

 

April 5 2013, London, United Kingdom: Clare Macnaughton’s first book, A Modern Military Mother: Tales From The Domestic Frontline, has attracted massive attention within the military and the media due to its no-nonsense, hard-hitting, honest account of life married to the military. Clare will also be making an exclusive announcement about the publication of book number two at the London Book Fair and is available for press interviews before, during and after the event.

 

Clare began her literary career on a high, as ghostwriter of Immediate Response with Major Mark Hammond, which debuted at number nine in The Sunday Times bestseller chart in 2009.

 

Media coverage:

BBC Breakfast

Female First

Wiltshire Life

Western Daily Press

BFBS Wiltshire

 

Blog posts:

Huffington Post

Britmums.com

TrulyMadlyKids.co.uk

Crew Cut and Newt

 

YouTube:

Hagar Goes to Afghanistan

Post Det Chat

AMMMTV – Pilot TV Show

 

Clare says: “This book is about the truth. It’s a funny, hard hitting, honest account of life as a modern professional woman with children who is married to the military. I started my blog A Modern Military Mother in 2007, to write candidly about my life as the wife of an RAF Chinook pilot, called Hagar on the blog and the mother of two children, The Grenade, aged nine and The Menace, aged four. My intention was to write about the impact of being married to the military on my parenting choices.

 

“In 2010 I separated from my husband and was relieved I hadn’t called myself, A Modern Military Wife; not least because I would have to rebrand! Even separated, my life is still hugely impacted by the irregularity of being vicariously connected to the service. The priority for both of us has always been the security and stability of our two children, and so we have an amicable and co-operative partnership within which we raise them.

 

“The change in our circumstances forced Hagar to discuss with the military his parental duties and to fulfil parental responsibilities that otherwise he would have left to me. He has now forged a fantastic relationship with our son, which was lacking before. He is watching his daughter grow with a fresh perspective and renewed vigour. He is now seeing his children and being an integral part of their lives. The children are loved; and loving. They smile and chunter about irrelevant childlike things, far removed from the woes of an adult existence. This brings me great happiness.”

 

Notes to editors

Author contact: clare@maccom.co.uk / 07885 194188 / http://amodernmilitarymother.com/

 

To arrange a press interview with Clare Macnaughton at the London Book Fair please contact Helen Lewis at helen@fullybookedpr.com.

 

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Hero Ride – Help for Heroes

Hero RideHero Ride takes place in London on June 2nd. People from all around the country are organising their own fundraising rides, with the mass participation ride converging in London on June 2nd, making their way to The Mall.

Hero Ride is for cyclists of all experience and abilities to get involved with. With places limited to 2,000 we will set off from Blackheath in South East London en masse toward the finish point in The Mall. In keeping with our military roots, a ‘Dawn Raid’ sportive will also set off from Tedworth House, Wiltshire, between 2am-3am in order to reach Blackheath between 10am-11am on the 2nd June. Dawn Raid is designed for confident cyclists who enjoy an adventure that comes with night-time riding and thrive in a physical challenge.

With limited numbers, this is a unique ride and wonderful opportunity to be a part of such a strong show of support for our wounded. Our supporters in the run up to the event and on the day include Jon-Allan Butterworth, Mark Cavendish, Peta Todd and Lorraine Kelly.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oqMB3gdMwVM

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Wake Up and Smell the Coffee

I am sorry but I am going to have a rant and stamp my feet!

Over the last few years I have been exposed to some despicable abusive behaviour, some downright mean people and some bitchy backstabbing types too.  It’s been a barrel of laughs. I had a message from a friend today who is in dire straits which basically said it’s times of crisis that you find out who are your true friends and I am pleased that she counts me among them. But you know what – onwards and upwards because who needs people like that anyway they suck the living lifeforce out of you.

‘What does not kill me, makes me stronger.’

Friedrich Nietzsche, Twilight of the Idols, 1888

German philosopher (1844 – 1900)

At the moment I feel unplugged from The Matrix everywhere I look I see corruption, nepotism, patriarchal domination and women and children being subjugated and abused. I am doing my best to cut my path but when I look at our society I see a great enthusiasm to support charities but an apathy towards entrepreneurs and those that are trying to help themselves. Why is that we Brits don’t like ‘self promotion’? Why don’t we support those that are trying to help themselves? Why do we hate anyone with any spirit? What is wrong with us? Why are the Brits on the whole so negative? Why is The Daily Hate our most popular newspaper? Why do we enjoy slagging people off? Why don’t we support small businesses more?

To be honest it grits my shit.

I know that some of these assholes read my blog just so that can keep tabs on what I am doing and sneer at me and slag me off behind my back. They wouldn’t have the courage to say any of it to my face. But they are happy to call me a swinger and say other bullshit behind my back. Hagar asked 147 of his ‘Facebook friends’ to support my book and only 3 shared the link. Those who know me in the military don’t want me to write my opinion because they haven’t given it to me. I have no right to speak. My voice is not valid. I am a blatantly self promoting pain in the ass who they wish would just crawl under a rock and let them get on with their business regardless of all the damage, shit and brushing under the carpet they like to do. But, with, or without me, talking about it the situation will go pop. It’s inevitable. It’s not just people in the military who think this of course, there are many people who think I don’t know what they are up to but I do. I just don’t care because I am not stopping. I am not going away.

But for once, I just wish that people would stop being negative, back stabbing and bitchy and just fucking help me and others. Not just in the face of an adversity they can empathise with but in the face of starting a new business, or going back to college, or writing a book, or getting a new job, or trying to make a difference for themselves  by recognising that people are helping themselves and supporting them in that process. I help people whenever I can and in any capacity I can if I can. I know that there are good people out there and I have been lucky, so as much as I am ranting now, I know that I am blessed to be surrounded by some amazing people so to them I am truly grateful. They have helped me become a better person.

But the rest of you….well, shame on you! Go and fucking help and support someone today. Help them get a foot up the ladder! Stop being such a judgemental, miserable cunt! Seriously! I mean it…..oh yes and buy my godamn, mother fucking book!

And while you are there buy Crystal Jigsaw’s book too – Nightingale Woods because she self published too and it’s a long, hard lonely road and we need all the support folk can muster!

 

 

 

 

 

 

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The Big Lift – Please Spread the Word

A message from Ben Greer:

My name is Ben Greer and I am a former Chinook Crewman having served on 18 ( B ) Squadron at RAF Odiham. I did 6 tours of Afghanistan with some of the bravest men and women I have ever met.

One of our main roles in Afghanistan was to extract casualties from the front line. Many survived, many, have not.

Afghanistan has not left me yet, and as such I am walking 1 mile for every member of British Armed Service personnel to have died in Afghanistan since 2001. A total of 440 miles. I will walk 4.4 miles in 100 locations nationwide.  I am doing this with the weight of a soldier in combat kit , 100kg, on my back to simulate casualty evacuation from the battlefield.

The aspiration is to walk the last mile from the cenotaph to Buckingham Palace on the weekend 20/21 July.

The aim:

1. To create a focal point for the nation, to show those that have lost loved ones that the nation has not forgotten their eternal sacrifice. They can do this by walking with me, liking it on Facebook, retweeting, whatever money is not the primary aim.

2. To raise funds for SSAFA, RAF Benevolent Fund, Army Benevolent Fund, Royal Navy and Marines Charity and Help for Heroes so as they may support these families.

3. To show support and solidarity to our armed service personnel.

 

The Big Lift is NOT a morbid event. It is certainly NOT political and NOT pro war.

 

The Big Lift IS just pro showing those that are willing to go a step further that we appreciate it, simple!

 

Please see the website www.thebiglift.co.uk or follow us on Facebook, the big lift and twitter @thebiglift2013

 

If you want to get involved or sponsor us as a business please email theteam@thebiglift.co.uk

 

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