Clare Macnaughton's Blog, page 43

Free on Amazon Kindle Worldwide A Modern Military Mother – Tales from the Domestic Frontline Ends 19th May

You have until the 19th May to download free on Kindle across all Amazon sites worldwide

A Modern Military Mother – Tales from the Domestic Frontline

Newest Review on Amazon:

“This is me – I drink too much, I eat too much, I swear too much. I am outstandingly average, utterly flawed and unashamedly happy to be so.”

As the above quote suggests, this book is incredibly honest, personal and open. It also gives us a look into the world of military personnel and more specifically, the civilian relationships with their families and the effects the demanding lifestyle creates.

I read this from cover to cover, pausing only to fill up my glass of wine. It was an unexpectedly engaging and thought provokingly good read. Highly recommended!” 

DOWNLOAD IT FREE UNTIL 19th MAY

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Please, please, please, review on Amazon once you have read it

Excerpt:

Hagar’s fantasy family

May 25 2010

 

It’s been a while since Hagar’s been deployed on ops and as I prepare for it’s coming I think back to the challenges we have previously faced.

The thing about the war in Afghanistan is that it is a violent, feudal battlefield, but, life is ordered and structured. Hagar goes to war and he can focus solely on the job at hand. They eat, sleep, plan, brief, execute, de-brief, eat, sleep and maybe they’ll work out, read and shoot the shit with each other. Life is laid out for them in a structured, co-ordinated manner. Hagar walks into a room to give a brief. The room is silent and listens to what he has to say until he has finished speaking.

He takes with him photos of us, his family, in still, poised poses. Good pictures, where we are happy, beautiful statues of perfections. He pines and aches for us as he remembers fondly the moments he played dinosaur battles on the living room floor with The Grenade, our 6 year-old son. He imagines me cooking up a warm homely, veritable feast like a domestic goddess, keeping the home fires burning, laughing gaily as he speaks and celebrating the Utopian banter of our perfect marriage.

When he returns home, all suntanned, dusty and crunchy from the sand, after the initial moments of euphoria of being re-united are over, normal life kicks in. The memories of his fantasy family are shattered and he is faced with his real family. The Grenade is whining – ear drum shattering whines – because something that he deemed essential to his very being has been denied to him, the house is chaotic, strewn with toys, dinner is not served and the bubba is screaming. He starts to talk to me about something that barely interests me, maybe something mechanical and military like. I start thinking about something else distracted. He looks at me and says; ‘I am talking to you and you are not listening,’ and I reply, ‘yes, I know but it’s not that interesting and I am your wife, not one of your crew and I reserve the right, to be bored, switch off, interrupt and think about something else, entirely irrelevant and disconnected to your conversation.’

Sometimes it’s easier and simpler to go to war. Hagar knows where he is at war. Home is messy, noisy, chaotic and full of hormonal, evolving people who don’t follow the rules. I know he loves us and we love him, but there is more than just distance between war and home. This is why the re-integration back in is always complicated as we all learn how to be around each other again.

 

 

 

 

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Cocktails at StockFest?

Is the summer here? Are we really only one month away from Midsummers?

For the third year running in our village is organising a music festival which is dedicated to freedom of expression and local musical talent. Last year’s was a hoot and I made Tequila lollies.

Patrón Perfect Margarita
Ingredients (makes 4)

35ml Patrón Silver to taste

15ml Patrón Citrónge

125ml freshly squeezed lime juice

90ml fresh pineapple juice

85ml elderflower cordial

 

 

We also made Tequila jelly…..

But the outcome was hilarious

Although I am not sure the neighbours would agree. This year maybe we should drink something a bit more sophisticated like a Cosmopolitan. Mind you, I am not sure drinking a sophisticated cocktail makes you a sophisticated drunk. Of course, there’s only one way to find out. I’ll let you know how I get on.

 

 

 

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The secret of a success: how to campaign in the modern world

This a guest post submitted by James Hargreaves on behalf of the Army Cadets. Volunteering with the Army Cadets for more than ten years, he uses his plentiful experience to offer advice on how to make your campaign a success. 

The most successful volunteering career or campaign is arguably that which rewards you with something unique. Whilst you’re not working for money, that doesn’t mean you aren’t rewarded for your efforts.

I know better than most that volunteering with the Army Cadets provides a whole host of benefits you might not otherwise find; from hands-on skills and experience right through to practical qualifications, but how do you keep the numbers up? Throughout my years I’ve taken various approaches towards campaigning – from hitting the streets the old fashioned way to embracing modern technology and going online – and the results have usually been positive.

I guess the secret is to understand what you’re selling. The army is, in many ways, a lot like a campaign; it has set goals and objectives and the more people you have at your disposal the better the end result. It teaches teamwork and co-operation, requires strategy and forethought and relies on the collective contributions of individuals who must simultaneously take responsibility for themselves and act as part of a wider unit.

Over the years I’ve learnt plenty from my experiences (both campaigning and as an Army Cadets volunteer). For those planning their own campaign – here are a few tricks I picked up along the way:

Be dedicated

Dedication and service are two skills that will prove valuable wherever you go – so why not apply them to your campaign? The passion to see something through and achieve your goals is at the heart of any campaigning venture so make sure you’re in a position to commit yourself 100%. If you’re unable to dedicate the necessary time to your campaign then it’ll almost certainly fail so be realistic with your time management and don’t take on more than you can handle.

In the modern world, if you want a little help staying on task then there are plenty of programmes to help. Online fundraising pages are a great way to track your efforts and keep your target or goal in mind but you can also set yourself reminders on everything from mobile phones to email calendars. Something I always found beneficial was to change desktop backgrounds and other customisable features to include images of my campaign or the ultimate target – it’s a great way to make sure the campaign remains the number one priority in your mind.

Advertise prolifically

The next trick is to make sure your message reaches the widest audience possible. My time with Wiltshire Army Cadet Force has equipped me with many skills and it is these qualifications which I always place at the heart of my campaign.

Did you know that The Duke of Edinburgh Award, public relations skills, first aid and any other number of practical skills can be obtained by volunteering with the Army Cadets and are highly applicable in various real-world situations? It is this sort of information which catches people’s attention but simply telling them is not enough. The best approach I’ve found is to provide demonstrates. Setting up something outside in the general public is always a great way to attract attention but if you want to achieve maximum results then go online.

Capture demonstrations on video and load them onto YouTube before sharing across any social platform you can get your hands on. Facebook and Twitter are the go-to mediums for most campaigners but what about Pinterest and Flickr? These are great for image-based inspiration so make sure you don’t overlook them. Then there’s Google+. Whilst new, it is starting to extend its influence so make sure you’re set up here as well. You can always link all of your profiles together to give your campaign as much strength as possible and to make it easier to manage. After all, as the army has taught us – united we stand, divided we fall.

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How many times have you watched Grease?

It was 1982 and I was 10 years old and I think in one day alone I may have watched the entire film five times back-to-back. It was on VHS tape. Do you remember them? Of course, Grease was released in 1978 and my Auntie Gail and her best mate, Shirley Lee, who actually named her kids after the T-birds had the vinyl LP with the fabulous cover jacket. I would pour over the cover – it would open like a book and there would be stills of the magical film that brought me such happiness. I can vividly remember the smell and the texture and the feelings of obsession that it would instill in me again and again and again.

I couldn’t get enough of the film. I could quote it. I knew the nuances of each look of each still. I watched it with my girlfriends again and again and again. It’s familiarity brought us great comfort, excitement and joy. We were transfixed.

It was Grease that introduced me to the notion of the American High School, with their athletics tracks with seats in rows. We had grass fields with chalked on lines and you sat on your arse in the grass on sports day. American High Schools seemed so glamorous.

I loved the look of the baseball jackets with Rydell High “R” and longed to live in America and go to High School where they had lockers, yellow school buses and carnivals.

School here in the UK seemed so grey and cold in comparison, like our weather. America seemed golden – the land of milk and honey. But then a few years later came a film which also took over my life and made Britain feel safe and warm and cosy…..

Nightmare on Elm Street…..

America ceased to be so attractive once I’d met Freddy.

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My Life Doesn’t Make Sense

My life doesn’t make sense to many people. I am separated from my husband but he stays at my house every weekend. We don’t argue all the time and fight in public. We act and behave like normal people and folk can’t work out if we are a couple or not. We are not a couple – we are separated but we are also not divorced. We are in no-man’s land. A place where we can’t go back but we haven’t quite worked out which way is forward.

As a family, we have had a shocking two years – Hagar’s arrest, the year waiting for it to come to trial with Hagar doing a three month Afghan deployment where a Chinook was shot down (Hagar is a Chinook pilot obviously he wasn’t shot down but losing a cab in theatre when your husband is doing the same gig at the same time makes you a little greyer), having our story blazoned across the front pages of the national press, completely ostracised by our former friends, being told I set the PR up, which I didn’t (This is in itself is weirdly flattering because clearly they think I am a PR impresario, with the contacts of Alistair Campbell, to be able to whip up  four front pages. Interestingly, I would normally write Max Clifford but it’s sex scandal galore at the moment so it didn’t seem appropriate to herald him as the master of PR) and ‘people’ saying to me that they were surprised to find out we were swingers (which we are not – for the record. Not that I have any objections to people swinging. It’s about choices.)

When it became abundantly clear that it was going to be a full on Crown Court trial with a jury we knew the outcome was unpredictable so, therefore, we had to assume that Hagar was going to prison. For me, it was a year with the sword of Damacles hanging over my head too. We decided that we needed our son, who had already been to 5 schools and had special education needs, (he is hyperflexible, which is modern parlance for disjointed and a bit wriggly which is my parlance for hyperactive, we did think at one point he was dyspraxic but this has been ruled out)  it was essential, and while we could still manage it, he must stay at the boarding school he attended, as it was in his best interests. It was also of paramount importance that Hagar had a relationship with his son. Military life is so fragmented that this critical parent bonding and essential male guidance was being lost due to Hagar’s prolonged absences. Hagar’s relationship with The Grenade was no exception. I made a very difficult decision and agreed that Hagar would become the primary carer for The Grenade. In order to do this I had to pay a solicitor £400 to draft a completely worthless piece of papers swearing that this was the case. In order to adhere to the rules laid down by the military I was only entitled to 56 days a year of unattended access to my son and I was not allowed to care for him in the school holidays, or take him to and from school unless Hagar was deployed or on exercise and then, of course, I was entitled to full parental access. I was also allowed no input into his education and all the decisions had to be made by Hagar. However, I was allowed to see my son if he was with Hagar and so that is when we decided that rather than swapping children at the weekends that Hagar would come to my house and at weekends we would be all together. Over the years this has worked very well. We follow the rules to the letter. There is no breach.

I have heard that the mutterings in the patch are that we are in fact doing this as a boarding school scam and that we are in fact back together. But this is not the case. We are in no man’s land. We are separated. In January, this year the military changed the rules and now you can take your children out of CEA (continuity of education allowance) without penalty. Previously, if a decision to withdraw a child before the end of the schooling period was made then the serving member drawing the allowance would have to repay the entire sum paid.

A year after Hagar was acquitted really our future is still being unravelled. We have decided to withdraw the Grenade out of boarding school and he will in the summer come and live with me as we are now committed to the area in which I live and I will not be moving. Hagar will move back into the Officer’s Mess, which will be dormitory living. For a 43 year old senior officer, it’s a tough pill to swallow. We have to do this as we try and juggle the financial implications of the aftermath of the last two years. But, of course, our weekend arrangement will not change. An Army officer’s mess would welcome two children staying with daddy on a weekend like a pint of cold sick. But in addition it is working for us right now. We both need that space apart in the week. Hagar’s job is no less stressful – he is the Brigade Air Liaion Officer (BALO) for 12 Mech Brigade – due to manning issues the BALO team which should be three is now only him. This is a common tale in the modern military as too few dedicated serving personnel carry the workload of too many. The stress and pressure is high as the thumbscrews tighten. It’s going to get even worse as the military returns from Germany and they withdraw from Afghanistan. The conflict in Afghanistan is funded, not by the Defence budget, but instead by the war purse in the Treasury. Once we are at peace again all of the equipment procured will have to be serviced and maintained by a rapidly shrinking defence budget which is barely sufficient to manage the military without the current support of the Treasury coffers. This is a problem forseeable to many already but will be pushed under the rug until it becomes a crisis and then there will be a huge amount of firefighting and shouting. Watch this space.

There you have it. My life makes no sense to people and it makes no sense to me either but it is what it is. For me it’s about pushing forward and working out how can we grow from this. We cannot go back. I have a new weekly column in the Salisbury Journal and I have a bi-monthly column in Wiltshire Life magazine. I have just written a book and now I am looking into creating a social enterprise. I began my networking journey at Salisbury Big Business last week and it’s been a fascinating insight into starting a business. I am so lucky because everywhere I turn I am finding strong, amazing, inspiring women who believe in me, maybe more than I believe in myself. I feel like I walk the tightrope of the tipping point and there a few that watch me, willing me to fall and willing me to fail; but then there are more, who are cheering me on, wanting me to win, not just for me, but for them too. There is, of course, my beautiful, demanding children that require raising, guiding and feeding three times a day (at least) and finding the work, life, balance which, from what I can see, really should be called the work, work, breathe, work balance and as well as paying the bills. This is all part of the unravelling. I don’t live this way to wind people up on purpose, I live this way because a life filled with laughter and love for me is the one I prefer. I don’t want to invest any energy, which is a valuable resource when you get to my age, 41, on the treadmill of life,  with anger and hate. It’s much more fun to have fun. Life is way too short.

I have sold 200 copies of the book so far and the response has been unequivocally more, more, more – of course, there is more. It’s already written it just needs compiling and editing but I need to sell at least 10,000 copies of book 1. I have such a long way to go. Book 1 is naughty, rude, funny and it resonates with many women not just military wives because really it’s about how men are annoying and think of us as their slaves. Women are maid of man.

Amazon -  A Modern Military Mother

A Modern Military Mother UK Paperback

A Modern Military Mother UK Kindle

A Modern Military Mother USA Paperback

A Modern Military Mother USA Kindle

A Modern Military Mother Canada Paperback

A Modern Military Mother Canada Kindle

 

My life doesn’t make sense. So what! Get over it.

 

 

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Stars and Cosmetic Surgery – Successes and Failure

Stars and Cosmetic Surgery – Successes and Failures

Image: source

Many of us look to celebrities, big and small, as trendsetters, entertainers and, in some ways, role models. Some of them have become famous through sheer hard work, but copying everything they do might not be advisable.

Many stars, in order to keep looking youthful, are willing to undergo some form of cosmetic surgery, which can be risky.

Going under the knife can, when everything goes to plan, work really well; but that’s not always the case. According to First4Lawyers, around 70,000 plastic surgery operations each year are at risk of going wrong.

More than anything else, it shows that celebs are risking doing untold damage to their appearance by undergoing cosmetic changes, although most have come out looking better.

Kim looks A-OK

She’s famous for her over-the-top antics on a reality TV show, but just about everything that socialite Kim Kardashian does is in the spotlight, not least her numerous plastic surgery sessions.

She’s been under the knife no fewer than three times, and for the most part, she’s come out looking better, but she’s experienced the odd problem.

Last year, while undergoing facial surgery, Kim experienced a serious amount of pain, screaming at the top of her lungs in agony. Eventually, she told her growing legion of fans via social media that she was fine, but vowed never to have another facial op as long as she lived. Compared to other celebs, she’s got off lightly.

Money can’t buy you looks

Can’t get a picture of her that’s not ‘All Rights Reserved’ – never even heard of her anyway!

Another socialite with a taste for the high life, 72-year-old millionaire Jocelyn Wildenstein is a regular attendee at award ceremonies and film premieres across the United States. Since the 1970s when she came into money, she has had a number of operations in order to carry off a more feline look with disastrous results.

Recently, Jocelyn was spotted on the red carpet in her native New York sporting a new, toned-down look. perhaps she was sick of being nicknamed ‘catwoman’, but having undergone plastic surgery on a regular basis since the 1970’s, don’t be surprised if she has at least another operation before eventually giving up.

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Meet me at Budgens, Codford St Mary, 27th May 10am – Midday

 

Budgens Codford St Mary Wiltshire Secures World Retail Exclusive

A Modern Military Mother – Tales from the Domestic Frontline 

Budgens of Codford St Mary, New Road Service Station, High Street, Codford, Wiltshire, BA12 0NS (Tel. 01985 850345) have secured the worldwide exclusive retail deal on Wylye Valley, writer, journalist, author and mum’s latest book – A Modern Military Mother – Tales from the Domestic Frontline.

“As a local independent store I like to support the local community with the products we stock. We are community shop and it’s important that we serve our customers with some of the great products our area provides. I wanted to help Clare and give her a chance to get her book out there.” Said Brendan Smith, proprietor of Budgens Codford St Mary, Wiltshire.

“It’s so exciting!! Brendan Smith, the proprietor and I used to train at swimming club together when I was 8 years old. He has a taken a huge leap of faith and agreed to sell it in his shop. He has even read some of it. (I can now barely look him in the eye without blushing). For me this demonstrates the power of community. When people come together to make things happen. The thing that I love most about living in Wiltshire is the warmth and generosity of the local people.” Said Clare Macnaughton.

Meet me – local author and journalist

(Wiltshire Life & Salisbury Journal)

Clare Macnaughton

Monday 27th May

10am – Midday

Budgens Codford St Mary, New Road Service Station

High Street, Codford, Wiltshire, BA12 0NS

 

The book is currently on sale.

Clare Macnaughton started the blog amodernmilitarymother.com in 2009 to help explain life from the other side of the British military. She wrote her blog as a reflection of her own experiences in a decade of marriage to an RAF Officer, a former Chinook Pilot, who was based at RAF Odiham and is now based at Bulford, who serves in the military. This was her truth. In 2010 they separated. Despite her separation she cannot sever from military life completely, her husband still works away and her children are still impacted by the continued and prolonged absences of their father. She is still a modern, military mother.

Clare’s blog been shortlisted for a prestigious blogging award. Clare Macnaughton’s being considered for the INNOVATE Brit Mums Brilliance in Blogging Award, for her blog called ‘A Modern Military Mother’.

 

The shortlist is made up of 16 blogs, 11 represent the top nominated, and another 5 were chosen by the Brit Mums team for their excellence in each area.

 

Either go to Budgens Codford St Mary or:

 

Buy it on Amazon Kindle UK here

Buy it on Amazon.co.uk here

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Crossroads

It’s been a crazy few months but the time has come to look now at creating a clear future that provides a foundation and stability. I have always wanted to look at living a more sustainable life and the feasibility of this.

Do you remember my pilot TV show?

But for me it’s also about working where I live and being able to run my business from home and raise my children. This means that my home is my business so I am looking how can I create a business model that enables me to examine sustainable living, make my tv show, raise my kids and pay my rent. This is my current challenge. I am looking a social enterprise as a business model. It seems to be a good balance between business and community. I want to be able to give back and grow something that benefits others. I see this as an investment in our future, albeit on a small scale. This is the path I have chosen and now my next obstacle is to make it work. I need help for sure and I am finding that there are sign posts everywhere if you look for them but it’s a bit overwhelming and also isolating. I am not going to be deterred. I think it’s important for future generations that they connect with the earth and think not about what they want materially but how they can forge their own path and in some way take responsibility for their own destiny. But I think that is also important for me as an adult to also take responsibility for my own destiny. There is no going back now only forward. Wish me luck.

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Showering with Gifts

Great Baby Shower Gifts

Everybody goes through that phase: that phase where it seems like there is a baby shower happening every other week. It’s weird how groups of friends all seem to have kids at the same time. It’s great, don’t get us wrong, but it can also be expensive. How do you give an amazing gift to every friend who is expecting if you aren’t swimming in money?

1. Use Coupons

There is no shame in using coupons to make a gift more affordable. In fact, finding the coupons you want the most might make you something of a hero in your social circle, since everybody else is probably feeling the gift giving pinch as well. For example, you can use a Lollipop Moon coupon to help make a selection of cute onesies more affordable.

2. Give Coupons

Seriously! Your first thought is probably “no way, that makes me look cheap.” The trick is to give more than the coupons. For example, you might buy some organic baby clothes from Hanna Anderson and, in the card include some Hanna Andersson promo codes that the mum can use later if she likes the way the clothes look on her baby. This way she gets something cute and gets to save money later. What a great gift!

3. Give the Gift of Time

If you are really strapped for cash, give the gift of your time. Expectant moms leave baby showers laden with gifts and cute things for the baby once it arrives. Unfortunately it takes a long time for the mum to get around to actually making use of those gifts because being a new mum is hectic and time consuming and stressful. You know this, having been a new mum yourself.

This is why giving the gift of your time is always so highly appreciated. Offer a new mum ten free nights of babysitting—even if she doesn’t leave the house. You can go over and watch the baby while she takes a nap or showers. You can offer to make all of her meals for two weeks after the baby is born so that she won’t have to worry about feeding herself. You get the idea.

4. Stuff for Older Babies

Most of the gifts given to a new mum are meant for newborns. This is great and all but the expensive time comes later, when the baby is chewing her way through board books, growing out of clothing like a weed, etc. Why not hit the sales and stock up on older baby clothes, toys or accessories? This way you can help put off the “babies cost so much money” for as long as possible for your friend. Plus, that way it’s like getting the gift all over again once the baby is old enough to use what you’ve bought!

5. Diapers

No kidding. Babies use a lot of diapers. Give a few packs as a gift. It’s a fun and funny gift that will be highly appreciated. You might even get together with the other guests so that you can all do it, as a sort of theme.

Remember, with gift giving, it truly is the thought that counts. You don’t have to spend a ton of money to prove that you care!

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It’s A Jumble Out There!

I saw on Facebook a picture of a tape cassette and a pencil with reference to how the youth of today will never understand the beauty of this relationship. Stored inside a dresser, in my dining room, are boxes of CD we never play as we now use i-Tunes for all our music needs with i-Pods, i-Pads, i-Phones all jacked into various speaker ensembles.

A pal of mine saw on Facebook that I was thinking of selling my CD’s on this site called Music Magpie. It turns out that he is a music magpie himself. He was in my CD cupboard before you could say ‘Bob’s your uncle’ like a child in a sweet shop. He was almost drooling as scattered them across the floor. Hunched like Gollum, he rooted through collection working out what was ‘his precious’. Apparently he loves CD’s – the box, the disc and the inlay cards. I guess this physical, tactile relationship with an inanimate object is an experience that the digital world can’t replicate. I guess it will be collectors, who will extend their life longer, as they become relegated to the annals of time and the world becomes more and more digitised.

I like to recycle whenever possible and reduce my carbon footprint if I can. I exchange children’s clothing hand me downs with my friends. Children have this habit of growing out of clothes as quickly as you buy or gain it for them, so buying new clothes seems almost futile. But sometimes there are garments that have only been worn once or never worn at all and they are worth selling. It’s worth selling clothes online if they are in good nick, a coveted brand or you have many in good enough condition to be a valuable collection, or bargain job lot. If not, it’s into bags and off to the charity shop or jumble sale they must go. Jumble everywhere that needs to be constantly circulated as we grow and change.

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