Evan Sanders's Blog, page 95

Moving Past Slammed Doors

Focus on the door that’s shut, or look for those that have opened.

Opportunities present themselves in the face of adversity all the time. In fact, when we fall, it’s much easier to see what we are really made of than when we are flying in blue skies. Life often works like a series of “the next 200ft.” Things can be so foggy at times that you never really know what you are dealing with ahead of what you can see. That’s where faith comes in. Faith is the courage to keep going when you honestly and absolutely have no idea what really is going to happen to you after you complete the 200ft in front of you. Going headstrong into that takes some guts.

I encourage you to endure. To keep chipping away. Did you know that a lot of the railroad through Sierras…you know those tunnels that the trains go through…were hand pickaxed? Are you kidding me? You couldn’t have paid me enough money to work through the winter, with a pickax, trying to chip through cold granite. Many thought it was impossible. However, the men with the vision continued and it changed the landscape of the United States.

Things could be a lot harder I promise you. I always try to keep that in mind when I am feeling like I am suffering. I look at what I do have and acknowledge it. That gives me a good dose of appreciation. There are many many people in this world who have far less than you do. Suffer for a little while…but then make the choice to do something else with your time.

Maybe, on that last note, I should say this. There are three different types of people in your life. Confidants, Constituents and Comrades. The Confidants believe in you down to your core. They will be there for you no matter what. They will cry when you cry. They will celebrate when you are filled with joy. They will get in your face when you aren’t being who you are and guide you when you need light. They are to be cherished and held onto no matter what.

Constituents are the people who believe in what you believe. They will stay with you because you believe in the same thing they do. But once they find something that furthers their agenda, they will leave you. If you tell them your dreams, they will go out and try to accomplish them by themselves. The constituents support you though…and that’s why they are there. But always remember, these people will leave.

Comrades are those who believe in what you are against. They will go to battle with you and support you through war because they believe in your cause. But once the war is over they will move on.

Do not fear though – the Constituents and the Comrades are there for a reason. They support you through your times of need and serve as scaffolding for your life. Once the scaffolding is removed, you are left with the building.

Do not be afraid when people leave. That used to be my biggest fear. But now, I understand when they suddenly go that life was calling them somewhere else and our time was over because I have grown enough. At least, that’s how I look at it. Positive or negative…the choice is yours.

- Evan Sanders

 

The Sentence

So I finally did it – I signed up for a fitness competition that starts tomorrow at 4:40 pm. I’m in. Fully committed. No turning back. 12 weeks of a new experience. Which, by the way, I will be documenting here every single day. So, get ready for that. I’m going to see this thing through for better or for worse. Anyways, what do I want to talk about tonight?

On any day, you can turn this ship around. It can be as bad as it can get, and yet you have the power to make a decision and choose to really switch things up a bit. I know its January 10th, and I know that many have literally already failed in their New Years resolutions, but the fact of the matter is…January 1st was just another day. If you have respect for each and every day, they are all opportunities to make something fantastic happen. January 10th is just as important as the 1st.

Life isn’t perfect – but I can definitely say I have had many perfect moments.

It’s so easy to let the negative fill your mind. In fact, I’m pretty sure that the negative BS is just shoveled into everyones heads all day. But at the same time, you can decide to start shoveling the positive thoughts into your head. You can make that decision. It’s hard. It’s really hard. When you start moving off into the sides of the bell curve the entire world is trying to pull you back into the center. The place where everyone else is. Keep forcing yourself to the edges – that’s where the magic happens.

I love life for the brilliant ups and the terrible downs. That’s really what it’s all about. Those moments that cause you to feel alive. And I’m alive. Sometimes I wish things didn’t happen a certain way, but that attitude is changing. I’m just accepting things as they come as part of the path.

Mistakes are proof that you are trying.

When you are failing you are giving an effort. That’s the important part. Failure is part of the game. But in all honesty, you have to go all the way to the end to really understand the pride in accomplishing something you have dreamed up. I have a few times – those really big dreams – but now it’s time to accomplish another.

So wish me luck. Here we go.

- Evan Sanders

 

Every Day Can’t Be The Best Day

Those really bad days teach you a lot. For me, and sometimes I didn’t wish it was this way, but it’s a grounding experience. I wrote yesterday that those moments that bring you to your knees and the tears begin to flow are ones that develop you. Because the greatest of sorrows allows you to feel the greatest of joys. The greatest of pains allows you to experience the greatest smiles. Because sorrow and joy come hand in hand. You can’t have one experience without the other.

That’s life. An experience of pure balance. You swing to the right you are guaranteed to swing back to the left. The farther you swing one way, the farther you can swing the other. I know for the me bad times can be pretty bad. But if I have learned anything over the years, I have learned how to sit with them and experience them for what they are. I am learning quickly that bad events are not personal attacks. I think way back when that wasn’t really the case. I believed at one time that if someone did something wrong and it involved me that they were going after me. That’s really the farthest thing from the truth.

People are going to do what people are going to do. You can’t stop them. You can’t change their minds often. People only change for themselves. That’s what true sustainable and everlasting transformation is about. About looking yourself in the eyes and wanting something different. All you can do at the end of the day is be the best person you can be. If you are a good one, you will be taken advantage of, you will be betrayed at times, but that’s all part of the game. Life is a team sport.

Through circumstance and an odd set of coincidences I have started to believe that I have been put here on this earth for a very specific reasons. There have been many occasions where I have been there for people at their darkest, loved them and showed them the light in life, and then they disappear or move on. After the first couple of times I was frustrated that people didn’t stick around when things were really good for them. I wanted to be there with them to celebrate the positives that were happening in their life. After my sister talked to me about the fact that possibly I am the one person that can help them see the light in their worst of times, I began to accept the reality but not fully. But after yesterday, and rereading a letter that I have kept very close to me, I now believe that I am here for that reason. Whether it is in being there for another person or my writing, I am in a place where I know now that my gift is delivering light in darkness.

That still left the question of what to do when people leave. There are so many options, but only one really stuck out. Nothing. You have to hold the people you love with an open palm. Eventually, if things are right, they will come back. But if they don’t, never despair because you brought out the best in them. You were that rock foundation they needed in a time of dire need. Now I think back to all of the times where these situations have happened and smile. Some of the people who exited did it in a painful way, but in the end you have a choice to smile at the good times or tarnish the entire time spent because of a final act.

I always believed that taking the high road meant brushing things off no matter what and moving on. I think there is room for that, however, eventually you need to take a stand. I only ask three things of people in my life – honesty, loyalty, and respect. At the start, if they can’t offer that I don’t hold it against them and we move on. But when those foundations are broken, I can’t be stepped on. I have to move on no matter how painful it is. And I asked myself why this morning while I was taking a walk…and I finally figured out the answer.

I live hard.

I love hard, I live hard, I play hard, I work hard. I give everything I have to people and ask for those three in return. But when they get broken, and depending on what happened, I have to make a decision for myself on what to do. It’s incredibly easy to get very angry about things that people have done. On the flip side, it’s very easy to write them off completely and say screw it. But as time has gone on I have begun to see the color between black and white. And there are so many colors to be seen. It doesn’t excuse delivering people heartbreaking pain, but it does help you see a perspective. It does help you understand. Most of all, it helps you forgive.

People don’t always do bad things in a planned way. Often of times they don’t know which way is up and make decisions while drowning. It’s not personal. In fact, most of the time if you are perceptive you can see things coming. Love blinds us all, but not entirely. We are all human, and therefore anything human is something we are capable of. To believe that the lion won’t eat you because you didn’t eat it isn’t rational thinking at all.

Where am I going with this? You have two choices. You can either love your heart out or you can lock it up and pretend you don’t know where the key is. You can live bold or you can live scared. Sure there are a lot of ways of doing things right in the middle, but the most exciting things happen when we reach for the edge. To really see what we are capable of. That’s when you find your stuff. That little umph that you have been looking for. And though I have been hurt and betrayed and stabbed in the back a handful of times, I still continue to love passionately, forgive from the heart, and live my life in the best way I can. Why? Because I’ve been the other way. A long time ago I went the other direction, and I know what it’s like to live there. Nothing good comes from that place. You hurt, you suffer, and the people around you experience you that way as well.

There are better ways of doing things. I made my choice a long time ago.

- Evan Sanders

The Burning Room

Heartbroken

Left me feeling dirty

Tossed aside like a used towel

No spoken words

Just letters on the screen

The loudness of the silence

I sit here trying not to hang my head

Pride lifts it up

The sky weighs it down

Music speaks to me as I close my eyes

A meager attempt to hold back tears

My hands shake like they did 5 years ago

As goosebumps cover my skin

It’s not truth

It’s not loving

It’s an unseen right hook

Delivering a battering punishment

Straight to my heart

And here I stand

In this burning room

Heart in pieces

Like broken glass on the ground

I see the loyalty

Passion

Love

Trust

Resolve

Laying there

As much as I want to pick it up right away I know I can’t

Those pieces are sharp and cutting

Time needs to soften the edges

So I can hold onto what’s left over

And pour those pieces back into myself

To phoenix

First to ash

Then to flame

—

There’s no room for hate

Or anger

Not because it’s undeserving

But because it will only create more pain

It will only shackle me down

Into the darkness

But my life is about light

Love

Passion

Honesty

Integrity

And giving people the goodness within me

There will be times when I crack

There will be times when I fall

And just because I’m losing

Doesn’t mean I’m lost.

- Evan Sanders

You Have To Want It, More Than You Are Afraid Of It

You have to want it more than you are afraid of it not happening. In 2013, I learned a great deal about myself. But most importantly, I learned what I really do want from this life. And as I sit here tapping away at the keys at 3 am, I realize that 2014 needs to be dedicated to something besides “just doing” what I have learned in the past year. It needs to be devoted to being the most extraordinary version of myself I can possibly be.

Every day, we have opportunities to grow, change, and rise to the occasion. What may just seem like another day is actually an opportunity to do something fantastic. True, most of the days we have may start off as normal, but our plans that we have for ourselves, if implemented, can truly turn something mediocre into something, well, extraordinary. It takes effort. Lots and lots of effort. Everything in the world is going to be pushing you to just stay the same. Because that’s where the majority of us are. We live in the middle. Not in the sense of  classes etc, but in the sense of what we are doing with ourselves. When we start moving towards the edge, that’s when things become exciting. However, at the same time, that’s when the uncertainty of the future becomes greater and greater. You have to decide for yourself if you are okay living in a land of uncertainty yet committed to total belief in what you are doing. Trust me, it’s tough.

Call it the universe, call it God, call it whatever you want to call it, but the fact remains the same. You are here for a reason and you have talents that need to be drilled into skills. What ends up happening though is that we worry too much about what other people think or believe that what we are doing isn’t going to happen because of one reason or another. Most of the time, great ideas die with the people who they live in. People take their dreams to the grave and never see them through because they are just too afraid. Fear is the primary killer of dreams. This could be fear of failure, fear of opinions, fear of ridicule…but nonetheless, fear drives one to shrink in the opportunity they have.

It would be stupid for me to say to not be afraid. Anyone that tells you that they aren’t scared ever should probably see a doctor. It’s what you do after being afraid that counts. That’s where courage comes in. Courage is that insane  20 seconds after being deathly afraid where magic happens. It’s completely fine to be afraid, but like I have said before, you have to want it more than you are fearful of it. You have to decide that it’s what you want to be white-hot and passionate about and then go for it. Without that decision, you will squander back and forth for eternity. Decide.

Be driven by everything and everyone telling you no. Make that your fuel. Don’t let it bring you down. Let it motivate you to keep going. The people who make the biggest difference in this world are the ones who don’t let the outside world effect their souls belief in their dreams. Protect your dreams with dragons, guards, and trolls. Do whatever you can to keep them safe and harbor that belief. You would be surprised how easy it is to let a voice or an opinion dig their way into your cave and then slowly burn everything within. Only let it people and words that continue your infectious belief in your purpose.

- Evan Sanders

A Year In Review

This past year was really something. But hey, let me tell you right now, 2k14 is going to be incredible.

This year is a year of doing. Last year, well, it was a great year for learning. I was pushed to my limits in many ways and learned a great deal about myself. Sure the learning will never end, but this year is going to be about implementing everything I know.

I wanted to say thank you to all of the people over the past year and the years before who have been commenting here on my blog and making it a place for me to go to for inspiration as well. Im sure that sounds a bit funny to you but reading the comments and engaging with people around the blog is one of my favorite parts about my day. So thank you. I appreciate it more than you know.

Set goals this year. Big goals. Scary goals. Goals that scare the heck out of you. That’s how you know they are big enough.

Dream big this year. Be silly. Be you. Be goofy. Be happy. Live in the moment. Never forget who you are.

Reach for the stars this year. Suffer through the pain. Smile bigger. And know in your heart that the struggle is worth it in the end.

Love this year. Love deeper than you ever have before. Let the past go. Smile at it. And focus on being present.

Put your phone down this year when you are with other people. Give them your full attention. They deserve it. You never know how long they will be there.

Take care of your body this year. It is the greatest tool you will ever have.

- Evan Sanders

Rise Up And Be An Outlier

Our natural tendency is to be mediocre. The world doesn’t want us to be anything but in the curve because that’s the safe zone. The zone where a majority of everyone else is as well. The zone that will keep you doing, being, and acting average. Normal is death.

There comes a point in everyone’s life where they just want to be normal. To fit in. To be accepted by the group. I tried that. I tried that a few times. But you want to know what I learned from trying to be like everyone else? 1. It’s impossible. 2. It’s just boring.

Why would you want to be anything but yourself. You were born and given the most unique gifts in the world that no one else has in the same combination as you. I say leverage what you are good at, work on what you are bad at and dream . Dream greatly. Live daringly. Speak kind words and inspire the hearts of others.

Be anything but normal. Be strange. Be weird. Be outrageous. Be anything but boring.

- Evan Sanders

The Man Who Acts

The past year was a learning experience

You were tested

You wrote

You learned

But this year is a year of action

Of taking everything that you have learned over the past year and putting it to work

Your beliefs

Your skills

Your talents

There are lots of possibilities

Lots of options

Let’s be honest for a second

You really don’t know what you are truly capable of

Impossible is just something you haven’t found the solution to yet

It doesn’t mean that one doesn’t exist

So create it

Create the future

By acting in the present

Actions are the most valuable commodities on the planet

Words, even graceful ones, can be created by anybody

You can write them, speak them, post them anywhere to the world

But the man who acts – that man is invaluable

He gets things done

He works

He grinds

And he creates a beautiful world

For himself and others

I vow

- Evan Sanders

What Makes A Man: That 90% – 10% principle

When I was young I thought you had to hold onto everything you cared about as tight as you could. To think of it, my stuffed turtle Speedy was probably locked in a stranglehold most nights I fell asleep. Being scared of the dark sucked. Combine that with a flowing imagination and you have some interesting evenings.

As I grew older I realized just how little control you really have over life. Things slip and sift through your fingers without your control and you begin to learn what the feeling of loss is like. When you are used to having a grasp on everything, that feeling of having no control can come as quite a surprise. Eventually, songs like Hold On Loosely by .38 Special became pretty relevant.

So life moved on and it continued to teach me some pretty valuable lessons about not holding on too tight to things. I lost my first love – baseball – with no valid explanation. That broke my heart. I lost myself once. I lost an angel. I lost friends. Things just continued to slip – and not because I was destroying anything – but because that was the natural cycle of life. And then, for most of us, we play the guessing game of “what if?” or “why?” But the only thing you gain from asking yourself those questions after something is already done is wasted time.

In some ways examining the past is great. It helps you avoid making the same mistakes in the future and teaches you the lessons you need to learn to live fully in the present. But at some point, you have to put it all behind you and realize that it is just part of your story now. You have to turn the page and inscribe your life on a new piece of paper.

But as a quote lover, I always found refuge in the wisdom of those who came before me and the media I consume today.

This quote from Moneyball put a lot of things at rest for me. ”We’re all told at some point in time that we can no longer play the children’s game, we just don’t… don’t know when that’s gonna be. Some of us are told at eighteen, some of us are told at forty, but we’re all told.” 

So what makes a man? Open palms. It reminds me of a quote from an old mentor of mine. “We must hold the people we love with open palms so they are free to fly away – and if it’s right – they will eventually come back to us.” It’s hard to let things go sometimes. You wish they weren’t the way they were or start saying to yourself “it should be this way.” Unfortunately, life doesn’t work on your terms.

Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it.

So keeping that in mind, you have two paths to take. You can either be a victim of that 10% or be a champion of the 90%. When we are hurting, we love focusing on how we have been wronged and that we should be treated better. We look at the world as a very mean and dark place instead of focusing on adding to all of the good that is happening out there.

Wherever you go, you will always find negatives. Your mind is naturally inclined to see them. However, if you start shoveling positive thoughts into your head, eventually you can turn things around for yourself. You can beat up that negative emotional Mike Tyson in your head. And to prove that statement is true – just look at his record.

You have the opportunity every single day to feed your mind with positive or negative thoughts. If you are hurting right now, it becomes especially important for you to see the brighter side of life. Because if you don’t you will continue the madness forever. It’s a cycle that is hard to break.

Now I just want to say this before I leave. Open palms don’t mean not loving deeply, laughing hysterically, and passionately doing everything you can to enjoy this one life we have. It means that everything has its time in your life, and sometimes the ticker on one thing runs out faster than you expected. Don’t try to change it. Appreciate it for what it was. Sit back in the sun and think about all the good times you had. Then tip your cap and move forward.

- Evan Sanders

Stand In It – Heat Builds Character

When I was little I used to run around the yard with my dog and pretend that I was saving her and protecting the world from monsters. It’s funny how not much has changed in my mind since then. She is long gone but I still think back to those times and smile. I found out at a very early age that a dog was indeed a mans best friend. But she left something in me that seems to have never gone away. I’m still running around, protecting, and fighting off the monsters – I just do it in a very different way now.

When I set out on this journey, I wanted to be a man of character. I wanted to develop traits that I didn’t have and to accomplish things I had always failed at. Of course, when you are in the thick of it, you really have no real gauge on how much you have accomplished since the beginning of something. So for the past couple of days, I have taken a step back and really thought about where I have come from and how much has been done. It’s really interesting to me to think about it all and to be able to whittle it down to one word that defines everything for me: kindness.

I have my moments of course, but what I have learned more than anything else is how to be kind in world that has continued to try to rough me up. I mean, even when I look back on 2013, there have been some pretty significant events that have gone on that truly tested my will and my heart. Some have even happened in the past few days. Yet, I sit here in this rocking chair in Tahoe with only my mind churning and thinking about the next sentence to write. There is no hate in this heart.

It’s easy to get consumed by the negatives that present themselves in this life. It’s easy to yell at someone when you are getting yelled at. It’s easy to push the erase button when people leave. It’s easy to lose yourself when the world piles it all on you at once and begins to apply heavy pressure. All of that is easy. But the hardest thing to do, and this is another lesson I have learned, is to stand strong in the flames. It gets hot – I promise you. You will want to get out of the heat as fast as possible, but the only way to extinguish those flames is to search within for answers. When life throws flames at you, be a cooling presence for not only yourself but for others as well. C.C.C. Calm – Cool – Collected.

Make your stand. It is true that taking the high road in life is beneficial and worth it, but at the same time you need to be able to make a stand for who you are and what you are about. There’s a very fine line and it’s very hard to tell exactly what you should do. Sometimes the only thing you have is your gut – and a lot of the time your gut reaction is right. Trust yourself – you will go places.

I look to 2014 with eager eyes. If anything, 2013 was a year of learning. I learned things about myself, my profession, and my path that are going to be invaluable to me in the future. I believe that 2014 will serve as a year of “getting it done.” Time to put it all to work and see what I can create. I love what I am doing and know that everything else is going to work itself out. The work is there. The will is there. The heart is there. Now bottle that lightning and turn it into something special

- Evan Sanders