Kaneisha Grayson's Blog, page 31

What It’s Like to Come Back to Facebook

This post was supposed to be about what my life was like after having cold turkey quit Facebook five months ago in February 2014, why I decided to come back, and what it’s been like being back on. The problem is that I rejoined Facebook before I wrote the piece, and now I feel so pulled back into Facebook that I can barely remember how life was different than those five months. What I do know is that it doesn’t feel as good to be on it anymore. And maybe not good at all. Here are some of my reactions from a few days back on Facebook. Where are my friends’ real names? I’ve written about this before, but I just can’t get behind the use of fake names, significantly altered names, or “not really me” photos on Facebook. I understand people have lots of reasons for doing so—to make it hard for students or snooping employers to find you, for instance—but it just seems to put an unnecessary barrier between you and your friends. I suppose the idea is that your real friends will know it’s you—from your online voice, your photos, etc., but I’ve talked to several people who have ...

What to do when you’re afraid of something (or everything)

I haven’t been on an intentional quest to conquer my fears, but I’m finding that I have a tremendous number of interlocking fears and nagging anxieties that drag me down and muddy my spirit. While realizing that I’ve spent years unnecessarily (and unconsciously) carrying around a heavy sack of fear is a little disheartening, I’m buoyed by the fact that I’m unearthing and breaking through my fears one by one. One of my longest and most pervasive fears is my fear of high-intensity gym classes. You know which ones I’m talking about: the classes full of swan-necked, flat-tummied, glistening Lululemon women that never seem to smile enough or make eye contact. The classes that have terrifying names like Extreme Body Burn 3000. (3000 what?!) I tried one of those classes out during the first week of college. It had the innocent name Beginners & Intermediate Aerobics. I spent a terrified hour fumbling around in the back of the room next to Carla, a similarly bewildered Chicana (who later became my roommate in Cuba and is now one of my besties), as our instructor screeched at all of us over what I can only describe as 80s dance music on crack. That was my first and ...

Why I’m Taking a Facebook Fast

I’ve finally admitted it. Things are not working out between me and Facebook. I’m not “above” Facebook. In fact, I love Facebook, but unfortunately, Facebook does not love me back. Facebook does not want for me the things I want for me, and that means we are not a good match, and one of us has to go. Thankfully, I chose not to abandon myself to hold on to my beloved. Here’s my contribution to the growing genre of self-important Facebook exile essays on why I’m taking a yearlong (and maybe longer) fast from Facebook. It took me years to admit to myself that Facebook and I don’t want the same things. I want to be a prolific author, and Facebook wants me to be a prolific status updater (which I certainly was). I want to be happy, joyous, and free. Facebook wants me to see how rich, happy, and hot my friends are—or how cute and quirky their babies are. Or how cozy and serene married nights in are. Or how hopelessly unjust and violent the world is. I want to have great things happen in my life and be able to enjoy them just because they happened; Facebook wants me to ...

My Vision and Intentions for 2014

Happy New Year! I decided to write out my vision and intentions for 2014 in the present tense as affirmations. My vision and intentions for 2014: I date joyfully, with clarity, and dignity. I am in a healthy relationship that elevates each of us and glorifies God. I have a nourishing morning routine that helps me begin the day purposefully, peacefully, and mindfully. I earn more money—and have more fun doing it. As I learned in 2013 after I gave up credit cards, “I live within my means but my means do not define me.” I have a clear and abundant spending plan for my personal life and my business, and I automate my savings. I write and read quality material daily, nourishing my mind and creative spirit. I spend more time with the children in my life, being a fully present and positive role model. I continue learning French and fine art in a formal classroom setting where I can practice often with peers. I allow myself to investigate and plan for taking piano lessons, so that once I begin them, I am set up to continue them. I ride my bike and am physically active in nature at ...

2013 Annual Review

2013 was a very interesting year for me. It was a year of simultaneously being very public and very private. Let’s reflect. I stopped dating. I had never taken a break of any significant amount of time from dating since linking up with my first rebellious boyfriend in 7th grade. I had declared I would take a break dozens of times, but I always seemed to meet someone that warranted breaking my promise to myself. Not this time. On January 20, 2013, I committed to taking a year off of dating so I could detox and heal. I’m 11 months in to my year of no dating, and it has been a very mind-clearing and invigorating experience. Very Be Your Own Boyfriend, if I do say so myself. I decided not to move to France. I thought I had my mind made up that I was moving to France, but then I realized I didn’t actually have the funds to do that responsibly—and that I really liked my life in Austin. I still want to travel and spend some significant time abroad in the near future, but this is one goal I am happy to deprioritize for now. I started taking art ...

How to Start a Crisis Communications Firm Like Olivia Pope

Sometimes pretty hair changes everything

This past weekend, I spoke and signed copies of my book Be Your Own Boyfriend at an awesome event called Babehair Bootcamp. In a gorgeously decorated hotel, beautiful and sassy powerhouse Shandi Nichelle taught dozens of enthralled women how to properly, affordably, and confidently wear hair extensions. Yes, weave. I never would have expected a weave […]

How Reading the Alchemist Ruined My Life

When The Alchemist arrived in the mail, I was weirded out. It was a used copy with no note, sent from a small bookstore in the midwest. Since I’ve left behind my days of compulsive online shopping, I knew it wasn’t a purchase I made during a stress-induced shopping spree. I wondered if my friend Shadiah, always […]

Choose the gentle path.

There are lots of ways to make decisions and a plethora of ways to go about addressing a problem or completing a task. You could choose the quickest path, the easiest path, the most familiar path, or the least familiar path. You could choose the most expensive path, the least expensive path, the path that... Read more »

Dreading a task? Make it fun.

Lately I’ve been pushing myself to do things I know I need to do in order to achieve my personal and professional goals. In Be Your Own Boyfriend, I gracefully refer to these tasks as “that which makes my eyes bleed.” When I have a particular task that I know I have to do, and putting it off... Read more »