Ellie Di Julio's Blog, page 32

The system works (for me)

“I’m not from here,” I say.

“How much will this cost me?” I ask.

Growing up American trains you to expect four and five and six figures when asking that question of a medical professional.

Hushed tales of families plunged into poverty by a single bill and inflammatory news reports of people dying waiting for funds.

My own brother, not yet graduated from college, already struggling to pay for care received when his heart threatened to burst.

“It’s free. All covered,” he says.

“But you might pay for...

She has to be here

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We rearranged it

So Mom could be here to help

Put it off three times

To fit her schedule

Of greenhouse and new kids

And neural lectures

The waiting stressed us all but

I refuse to go

Without her holding my hand

Every single step

The way she used to

When we were both young and scared

Leaning on each other

Drawing on mutual trust

I may be grown up

Allegedly strong and fierce

Standing on my own

But facing down the

Knives of strangers willingly

Turns me back to five

She’ll know what to do

When I can’t speak for mysel...

Counting

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Last night, I stood

In the shower, counting

The inches between my ribs and my hips.

Only two.

I ran my fingertips along

The flared bone hidden

Beneath my skin, startled by how high

They’ll cut.

In my mind, I’d

Imagined somewhere else, further

Down where it couldn’t be seen

In public.

Looking ahead, to

Swimsuits and tank tops, I’m

Not sure if I’ll be proud or ashamed of

My scar.

Last night, I stood

In the shower, counting

The syllables of my condition and operation.

Twelve each.

Post-lateral acetabular dysplasia....

Surgery is poetry

This isn’t how I wanted to tell you that I’m having surgery.

That a doctor will slice my flesh and rearrange my bones – the ones deformed since birth and unsuitable for walking – into a better shape.

I wanted to write an epic, heartfelt, tear-jerking post.

Something that spills out this rollercoaster of emotion in a single catharsis, then be done with it and not revisit the story again, having been told.

But when the final word came down, I understood.

I can’t help but tell myself the story every...

The Cadbury Bunny is my homie

Happy Easter, everybody!

I freely admit this is a chocolate holiday for me, rather than a religious one of any stripe, which probably means I’m going straight to hell for thinking this commercial – a hallmark of my childhood – is the best Easter thing ever.

You’re welcome.

Other stories you might like:

Why We Don’t Celebrate Valentine’s Day
It Just Ain’t Christmas Without a Tree

The Internet is Amazing 03.30.2013

ATTENTION POETS: Want to be published? Words Danceis seeking submissions.

Pursuant to this week’s geek-sexism post, here’s some pointers on how to be a feminist.

There’s no such thing as age, says 90 year old woman.

What is self-care when you literally can’t care for yourself? Seriously great thoughts here.

Margaret Cho was kicked out of a Korean spa for being tattooed.

By the way: it’s going to be okay.

Where have all the black mages gone?

You think you’re easy to kill. But feelings won’t kill you....

An Awkward and Incomplete Summary of My Thoughts on Sexism in Geek Culture

There’s a lot of talk recently about sexism and people being phenomenal asshats to each other across a shockingly broad range of scenarios. And to my great (genuine) surprise, I’ve been asked by a number of friends, online and off, to comment on the state of womanhood in the world – specifically as it’s treated and presented in geek1 culture. People who respect my opinion (for some reason) want to hear how I, a practicing nerd with boobs and a brain and everything, feel about it.

But I don’t r...

The Internet is Amazing 03.24.13

Before we get to the fun stuff, I have a serious ask to make. A friend is raising $1000 as a deposit for her husband to have major back surgery to correct a 4+ year nerve problem. Please take the time to read their story and consider donating whatever you feel called to give. They need help and have summoned the courage to ask.

Thereis an English word for watch someone eat hoping they’ll ask you to join them.

Captain Picard (Patrick Stewart, for the uninitiated) speaks about growing up in a vio...

30 before 30 list update: Books, baking, and bone marrow

I’ve actually done several of the things on my various lifelists already this year, I just haven’t been very good at writing the posts about them. What with all the book writing and whatnot, you know (check out the two progress boxes in the sidebar). So I figured I’d do one massive catch-up post, call it even, and move on with better intentions. Fair?

Everything in this post is from my 30 Before 30 list, although there’s overlap with the 12 New Things and 100 Things ones, as well.

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Write Against the Machine: Being a modern housewife means eating all the bonbons

Welcome back, listeners! In this episode, Mary and I reveal our secret fear of the word “housewife,” talk about money and other ways to find value in your work, and as usual, use the F-word a lot. This was a big discussion for me, having recently let go of my dayjob and allowing my husband to support me. There are feels, people.

Listen here

Download: Write%20Against%20the%20Machine%20-%20Podcast%203.mp3

Ellie: A modern housewife is not the same as a 1950s housewife. Most of the people w...