Leandra Medine's Blog, page 706

5 Things to Talk About During Happy Hour

This hump day marks the beginning of Milan Fashion Week, and as they say: when in Rome, drink as the Italians do. It’s basically always happy hour in Europe, so if you’re going to fully embrace the European-style aperitivo, you’ll need lots of talking points as you sip Negronis all night long. Here are five:

1. Drinking Milk with Broad City

Fans of Broad City know that there’s nothing these ladies love more than smoking weed, video chatting and farting. This new video series includes all of the above, plus lots of milk and cereal.

[YouTube]

2. What Restaurant Menus Are Actually Saying

In his new book, “The Language of Food,” linguist Dan Jurafsky takes a closer look at food descriptions on menus, Yelp reviews and the etymology of words like “ketchup.” Among other things, Jurafsky learned that: “reviews of expensive restaurants are more likely to use sexual metaphors, while the food at cheaper restaurants tends to be compared to drugs.” [NYTimes]

3. Central Perk Coffee Shop Opens IRL in NYC 

In honor of the 20th anniversary of Friends, a replica of the show’s “Central Perk” coffee shop opened today in SoHo, right near the MR office. A line of fans waiting to get their picture taken on the iconic orange couch has stretched around the block all day long. [BuzzFeed]

4. Fashion Designers Get Juice’d

Everyone knows that the fashion crowd loves their juice, but things are getting really serious now that some designers literally have flavors with their names on them. A London-based juice press called Blend & Press offers flavors like Kale Lagerfeld, Aloe Vera Wang and Cacao Chanel. Which one would you choose? [The Coveteur]

5. Drinking Carrot Juice Helps Isabel Marant’s Tan

In a question-and-answer session with Harper’s Bazaar, Isabel Marant reveals her tanning secrets: “I’ve noticed that I tan easily without being in the sun when I drink a glass of carrot juice.” We also learn that Marant wanted to be a volcanologist growing up and that “marrant” means “funny” in French. [Harpers Bazaar]

Cheers! Salute!

Photo of Isabel Marant shot by Inez Van Lamsweerde and Vinoodh Matadin via IsabelMarant.com.  

Fashion Tabloids

Fashion is taken very seriously. I take it seriously too — if not because much of it is considered wearable art (look at Thom Browne on a dramatic level, Altuzarra on a quiet level) then at least because without it we would all be unclothed emperors. Naked. Nude. This is fine on certain beaches in France, not so much in Manhattan mid-January.

Birthday suiting’s not even the worst when imagining a world sans fashion: we’d be a little more boring, a little less colorful. There would be no word suiting. Yes, we have our personalities to shine bright through our pores like the diamonds on Danny Castellano’s thong and the ones Rihanna sings about, but think about all of the new life this industry breathes into cities not once, but like a billion times a year! (A billion if you consider that Resort is the new Fall, Pre-Fall is the new spring and any second we might come upon a new one, “Playing Hookie” to outline a nuanced change in the way we shop.)

Even if you don’t work in it, sleep in it, or wear it, “fashion” has an effect on the world around you. (Remember Miranda Priestly’s cerulean trickle-down theory?)

So, yes, it’s great to take fashion seriously. But sometimes, especially in regards to the lovely beast that has become street style, it’s important to laugh too. Mostly because at the end of the day, just as Us Magazine famously pointed out that one time Brad Pitt pumped his own gas: stars are just like us.

Or they’re nothing like us! But at least the fashion industry is comedic gold.

“What? I had to.”

Photos by Krista Lewis

Raise Your Hand if You Watched the Mindy Project Last Night!

Whether you hate the song or not, your favorite show’s intro music can’t just go changing on you without warning. It’s jarring.

“The Mindy Project” gave us zero warning and cold-opened with Danny catching us up to speed on life. He’s then interrupted in true “Mindy Project” form by Mindy, a reminder that just when you think the show is pulling a cheesy fast-one on you, it’s actually making fun of itself. Mindy over-shares that Danny’s turned on by weird music, cue them making out to “More Than a Feeling” by dad-band Boston, which replaces the show’s old intro song.

Spoiler alert — it’s all foreshadowing.

Here are the SparkNotes:

Everyone in the office now knows that Danny excels in the fine art of cunnilingus, which isn’t so much a plot thickener as it is a play on the theme that loose lips sink ships — meaning gossip. Gossip sunk the Titanic as far as I’m concerned.

Danny’s annoyed, Mindy says she’ll stop telling the world about their love life (besides us, the viewers, who just watched them French to a song that frequents American beer commercials).

Playing the role of the token frat boy gyno who has rescinded his love of the hook up culture for actual love with his bitchy-resting-face girlfriend Lauren, is Peter. Playing the role of someone who will take me five face-to-face meetings to remember (my bad, not hers) is the aforementioned Lauren. Lauren is planning a charity event with the weight-fluctuating Hugh Grant of prime time fall television, Jeremy.

Later that evening Danny offers Mindy his own piece of office gossip, or as he calls it: “reporting the questionable going-ons of people we know.” He caught Jeremy giving a massage to Lauren and she was not making a bitchy resting face during this interaction. Mindy would have been shocked but then she found a hot pink thong bedazzled with the word “Diamond” across the crotch in Danny’s dresser.

Intermission: why don’t I own that?

Back at the office: Peter tells Mindy that the pink thong she’s brought for office show-and-tell belongs to a stripper (hence the crotch snaps). Mindy almost tells Peter about Danny’s reporting, miraculously withholds.

…Until Morgan, the ex-inmate/now nurse, points out that the thong actually belongs to a male stripper (hence the peen-pocket), and with the aid of Google we quickly discover that the Italian Larry David, Dr. Danny Castellano, used to be a male stripper. Named Diamond Dan.

Mindy loses it, tells Morgan that Lauren is cheating on Peter with Faux Hugh Grant, and then we get a break from all the DRAMA via a commercial break wherein every commercial except the Boston Market one made me tear up. Not much of a break, FOX.

Back at the house of regularly scheduled programming, the whole cast is gathered in Lauren’s living room listening to some toast about the charity event no one wanted to attend and everything explodes:

- Mindy confronts Danny for being Diamond Dan. (It helped him pay for med school after his stint on a deep sea fishing boat didn’t work out.)

- Danny’s mad at Mindy for spilling his gossip about Lauren x Jeremy (Morgan told him, typical) which means the whole office now knows, because if there were ever doctors without borders, it’s this crew.

- Morgan’s cousin (I just can’t even get into his character right now, maybe next week) tells Peter that Peter’s girlfriend is cheating on him without realizing he was telling, uh, Peter.

- Meanwhile, Tamra is just a girl trying to charge her dead phone in the kitchen while Peter confronts Lauren, who confesses, which I don’t think anyone saw coming.

- Tamra doesn’t leave because she has too many celebrity numbers in her phone and can’t just be leaving it lying around unattended. I think we can all relate.

- Peter punches Jeremy, Jeremy refuses to back off, and now we have ourselves an old fashioned inter-office love triangle.

- But what about Mindy and Danny, are they ok? Of course they are. They make up on the fire escape just like any respectable New York couple does by accepting one another’s bedazzled pasts and accidental potential murders (Mindy drops a gigantic steak knife from many stories up, tbd on actual flesh wounds), then making up in the very place where our episode began: in the bedroom, with a very strange choice in foreplay song that we now understand hearkens back to Danny’s days as Diamond Dan.

Now let’s text (in the comments): do you want Mindy and Danny to stay together, or are you glad the focus is on the love life other characters? Do you guys like Lauren? I can’t tell why she irks me. Do we want her with Peter, or Jeremy? Should Tamra get a spinoff? Or a Twitter account?

Finally, vote: should I keep recapping this show for you, or not?

Photo courtesy of Fox

Off the Runway

It is often said that there are two runways at fashion week.

First, there is the previously-deemed more obvious one. This exists within the venues that sample whatever new trends will populate our wardrobes but more importantly serve to forecast. Then there are the increasingly prominent ones that speak more pertinently and unofficially — meandering across the “concrete catwalk” (sorry for that phrase), displaying the cues of personal style that translate into trends that won’t require a wait time and might in fact simply suggest that you get to your own closet and recreate whatever it is you’re seeing — here’s the magical selling point: now.

So that’s the real runway vs. the improvisational, relatively new street runway and the conversation on which one commands more attention has yet to die out. Here’s something worth considering though: sometimes, the things that are actually trending off the real runways of Fashion Week aren’t photographed. That’s not true entirely — in New York, there was the Celine polo which commanded more clicks than a cat-eating baby could. It came replete with an athletically striped collar and two more rows of yellow and red lines across the bottom of the garment.

There were also the Fall15 Stella McCartney lace-up creepers, which launched just in time for Lincoln Center moseying, some replete with stars, others simply black or beige. And finally, there was another remnant from the previous spring season: the prolific striped print that came care of Joseph Altuzarra’s second-to-last reawakening.

This print was everywhere — on skirts, blouses, dresses — almost serving as a mascot for the designer, who no doubt took home the fashion gold this season in New York.

In London, I noticed two particular garments that spoke to larger trends, which were everywhere. First, there were the frayed edges of Marques’Almeida’s denim. These came in dresses, jackets, tops and jeans. Second, there were plenty of loafers. This particular time of year — the limbo between summer and fall — tends to call for a resuscitation of the menswear-style shoe, almost as though it marks the beginning of what’s new in a style that is fancifully irreverent.

Of particular popularity in London were Gucci’s horsebit loafers. I saw these on at least six different occasions. They were served in burgundy and tan suede, black patent leather, and navy. But when came time to pull the images, there were so few proofs-of-concept. None, as far as I could tell, to be exact.

So this presents an interesting and important question vis-a-vis the conversation on which runway is more popular: how can the comparison be rendered fair at all if what’s happening on the street, as told through a lens, isn’t even completely accurate?

What Is This? A Lincoln Center for Aunts?

To plop someone into the belly of a scene they don’t frequent is jarring. It turns them into niche, proverbial family members (think “Buzzed Cousin Cathy,” or “Crazy Grandma Gertie”). The first time I covered bridal week, for example, no one thought my joke about “where are all the single men?” was funny, and I was asked at least twice to stop throwing rice at the veiled models. Just call me Uncle Dan.

To plop someone into the belly of the fashion week scene is a different story altogether. Take Jilly Hendrix, for example: she’s a savvy New Yorker by-way-of-LA who works in a similar, creative industry — but not directly in this one. We basically dropped her off at Lincoln Center, equipped her with nothing more than an old NYFW tip-sheet designed for parents (she equipped herself with a voice recorder that used to belong to Zach Morris) and she immediately turned into Jazzy Aunt Jill at space cowboy convention.

Naturally, interviews with innocent Lincoln Center bystanders (ballet-attending tourists, a man leaving his yoga class sans underwear, etc) ensued:

And there you have it. Aunt Jilly Hendrix has conquered the Anna Wintour Center for People Who Dress Good.

Video by Jilly Hendrix, produced by Jorel O’Dell

Now That London Fashion Week Has Wrapped

Save for the heaviest hitting shows of the week in London, which have already achieved largely commercial success (Tom Ford, who infused a little bit of Hedi Slimane into his dark-eye-lined models wearing sequined minis and sinister florals, Peter Pilotto, who displayed a rare form of excellence in continuing to produce indigenous prints that don’t read stale, Christopher Kane and Burberry, with their grandiose nods to tulle and the anterior’s to sportswear and Erdem’s painstakingly beautiful interpretation of a rainforest, presumably set in the middle of a Jane Austen novel edited by the institution of high fashion), London Fashion Week was a little underwhelming.

I was after a new wave of budding fairy tales, akin to those of J.W. Anderson’s, or Simone Rocha’s, or even Meadham Kirchhoff’s. But I think the disappointment is my fault. I’m too comparative — I think a lot about the difference between London Fashion Week and New York Fashion Week and have resolved that it is similar to what distinguishes New York from Paris in that the former cities will never become the latter ones.

To accept this is wise, to imagine that one will eclipse another is not.

Paris will feel like the grand informant, instituting the declaration of sartorial dependence for as long as Phoebe Philo, Raf Simons, Karl Lagerfeld and their peers reign. New York will function as a bridge that gaps the sweeping disparities between the aforementioned and London. And as for the silent fourth, Milan? Just look to Dolce & Gabbana.

But this shouldn’t be a bad thing — much the same way that no two children within the same family are alike, neither are two cities that produce their own fashion weeks. To take them for what they are seems far more beneficial in the scheme of understanding each town’s role within the fashion community.

While New York continues to climb the latter of elitism, pumping exorbitant cash into its economy by way of its September and February festivals of sorts, London has become a hotbed of emerging talent, displaying whimsical frivolity and a majestic escapist attitude that breathes important air into the lungs of fashion. J.W. Anderson did a terrific job creating a paradoxically urban tropical hub with its leather sun hats and terry-cloth two pieces. Marques’AlMeida, the most recent designer to join the fairy-tale-fanfare (this season, it was hard to walk even a single block through Kensington Gardens without seeing at least one frayed edge) has not yet let his indigo-dyed towel run dry and Simone Rocha, who has a collaboration with J Brand rolling out fairly imminently, pulled together a dull color palette ranging from black to nude to white (plus a pop of red) but showed nothing of banality and instead, everything of off-beaten intellect.

I expected that, I embraced that, but I wanted to discover more. I wanted to learn and feel the same way I did the first time I attended a Toga Pulla presentation. I wanted to think and maybe even feel just a little bit scared. But maybe then again, I did. Maybe my opinions were too masked by the pursuit for something that no longer exists to recognize that my opening opinion is flawed. Cities can and do eclipse each other.

Images via Style.com

Are You Wondering What I Wore?

Ah, fashion week, it comes and goes as quickly as a thirsty snail carrying a fifteen-story building on its shell treks through the Sahara desert. Unlike in the case of the gastropod, though, at Fashion Week, there are clothes. Not coincidentally, they are often as plentiful as the sand in the aforementioned, water-free environment.

Some are good, some are bad and some, some are great. With great clothes come responsibility that seems great peripherally, but fundamentally and in the grand scheme of things isn’t really all that much of a responsibility at all. It’s just nice. To think about, to look at, to argue about and so forth.

In the spirit of bewonderment, here’s a compendium of outfits that I wore in New York (plus one in London), which I pulled off the Internet by googling myself.

Like,

Six

Times

Daily.

They’re all credited and captioned within the slideshow but if you’re wondering about the various influences that inspired them, hit me up in the safety deposit comment box below and I will get back to you after the click.

Specifically about look #3, though, let me just say one word: Muppets. (Fine, three more, take New York.)

Mid-September Horoscopes

Congratulations on making it halfway through September without accidentally lighting yourself on fire (or some other Mars-related mishap). This month’s second half is bound to be much safer, though, because Susan Miller’s horoscopes-as-interpreted-by-yours-truly are finally here to get you through the fall equinox and into October.

Virgo

Happy birthday! I hope a celebrity jumped out of a giant cake for you. Spend this month ensuring that your life looks awesome on Instagram, because Mercury is going to retrograde come October which means issues with technology (read: one seriously aggressive waiting list for the flatscreen TV being marketed as the iPhone 6 Plus. That or you’re going to crack a screen). You might have gotten engaged over the weekend, and if you didn’t, it’s coming: Venus is all up on your sign’s shit and that means you are RADIATING animal magnetism. No pronoun-friend as potential fiancé? Not for long — this month, that person you think is staring at you on the subway might actually be staring at you. Check Missed Connections. Finally, on September 25th,  you just might win Cash Cab. Nothing says happy birthday quite like financially-charged trivia.

Libra

You’ve got Mars in Sagittarius acting as a natural filter over your life, so hang out with a Virgo. I just told them they need to work on their Instagrams. Meanwhile you, my friend, will be living up fall. You’ll probably walk around and tell everyone how this is totally your season and set up group trips to go apple picking even though Trader Joe’s is having a sale on autumnal fruit. Careful though: the reason Mars is casting everything you see in a golden light is because it’s setting other stuff on fire (hello I tried to foreshadow this in the intro), like family affairs and paper signing. So, if you can, hold off on John Hancocking-documents or telling your sister that you don’t like her new couch. Save this for November. September 23rd and 24th, however, will be two excellent days to take a step towards a life goal.

Scorpio 

You know that saying, “the planets have aligned?” It’s happening to you right now — re-watch “Serendipity” and get excited. (You’ll also get a crush on John Cusack, and a craving for overpriced slushies that taste like Cocoa Puffs.) Mars in Scorpio means your winks will entice (“Come hither!) as opposed to causing alarm (“Is she having a stroke?”) and you’ll be one lean, mean, charisma machine. Circle September 25th because that is your day for opportunity — don’t sleep in. On a more snooze-Suz-worthy (but important) note, be focused this month. Save your money, take out the trash. October is going to be annoying and retrograde-y, so check off your to-do list now so that you don’t panic when your halloween costume ends up costing more than your high school prom dress.

Sagittarius 

Maybe you jumped out of Virgo’s cake because September is your time for a breakthrough. According to our girl Susan, “a golden triangle will appear in the sky, indicating supreme harmony among three planets: Jupiter, the planet of good fortune, in Leo; Uranus, planet of sudden change and surprise, in Aries; and action planet Mars in Sagittarius.” Don’t brag, but because you’re a fire sign you’ll be one of the people benefitting most from the stars’ Hova-hands. It’s a good time to speak your mind, tell a story, talk to your boss, send out your resume — everyone will listen. September 22, make it rain. September 25, look good and walk a drunk dog with a poor sense of direction, because love could bump into when you least expect it or you could bump right into love.

Capricorn 

Sounds like you work in fashion but don’t cover the international shows, because your life just opened up on the 13th for socializing with friends “at long last.” Maybe you’ve gotten a lot of “R u dead” texts lately. Get your friends to hang out somewhere other than da club, though, because you need to rest up for one crazy ass November that Suz is predicting. You’ve got a new moon in Libra coming up on September 24th which means good things for your career (focus now because October’s gonna be like, zzz) and on September 25th, Uranus, “planet of surprise, will send a shimmering vibration to Jupiter.” So maybe instead “crazy ass” I should have actually written “sparkle ass,” because, you know, butt jokes.

Aquarius 

It is your time to shine this month, said Susan Miller-as-Richard Simmons. Your career — which has already had some momentum recently (yes? no?) – is going to really take off on September 22nd. Friend-wise, you’re going to be a social caterpillar and / or butterfly this month because every bug is beautiful and I don’t know why butterflies get all the glory. Maybe all your friends are Capricorns and they finally just came out of hibernation to hang. Maybe you guys have a Sunday football thing going on. Who’s to say. If you’re in a relationship and in that phase where you guys are more excited about “Gilmore Girls” on Netflix than OTHER STUFF, take a trip. Spice that curry up. And at the end of the month (yes yes, same day as everyone else, September 25) you’ll get a double dose of luck and welcome surprise. Sounds like free doughnut day at the office to me!

Pisces

Did you hear that a 10-year-old fish underwent surgery last week? The more you know. In other aquatically- charged news, this is the month for all your WiLdEsT DrEamZ 2 CoMe TruE. Every bit of good news you receive this month is all going to link up. You’ve got Mars helping you professionally for the first time in 2 years. You’ve got Saturn positioning you as a leader. You’ve got Pluto finally being useful. You’ll make friends! You’ll laugh and do things! On September 24th, you’ll make money. (Want to hang out with me on September 24th?) Finally, if you haven’t been feeling well, all will be resolved on the 25th. I think that fish thing I mentioned earlier was a sign that miracles can happen where you least expect it (or that vets have insanely steady hands), but if you’re a Pisces, life is starting to look especially bubbly.

Aries

Send out the memo now that you’ll be shortening Pumpkin Spice Latte to PSL this fall, because you’re in the midst of a productive month, and if Will Smith’s character from “The Pursuit of Happyness” taught us anything it’s that smart shortcuts can put you on the fast track to a career in investment banking. But really though: now’s the time that the job hunt may finally end. Pluto, the faux-fur of planets, is proving itself both vegan-friendly and useful this month by waking the fuck up after a “nap” it’s been taking since April 14 and will act as your intergalactic agent in terms of your professional life. Pay attention to clues, signs, and the glaringly obvious. Suz always says that horoscopes can only take you so far, and from there it’s up to you to rent the Zipcar and drive.

Taurus

We meet again, fellow bulls, and we’re all up in Virgo’s bday month since our signs blend like an earthy tuna melt. The first thing Susan tells us to do is the first thing I said I was giving up as part of my Fall Promises — aka going out after work — but I am not one to mess with the stars. This means I’m also not going to argue with the fact that she told us to go shopping, get our hair done, and do the damn thing in general. Venus is on our side so work the room, Tauruses. Work the room. More good news: Mars left Scorpio on Saturday so relationships on all fronts will improve, and Saturn left too which means health improves as well. (Bye!) Idk what those planets’ beef with Scorpio has to do with us, but I will tell you this: Sept 25 is golden for us, just like everyone else up in this constellation party.

Gemini

That good old Harvest Moon we had on the 8th should have affected your career in a positive way. If it did, keep reading. If it didn’t, maybe you’re like, “I hate horoscopes!” But still, please keep reading. Susan Miller plays the role of Martha Stewart in the next few lines, because she thinks (due to Venus) now’s a good time for you to buy a new piece of furniture, or a houseplant, or be one of those people who changes the decor with the season. On a real note: watch your bones and teeth. Saturn’s been draining the heck out of your calcium. If you’ve been feeling stressed about your health in general and hanging out with your doctors more than your friends, that will change now, along with a big home run coming September 24th courtesy of a new moon that will light up your solar fifth house of L-O-V-E.

Cancer 

Whoever your partner is, things may have been tense between you two. Maybe you’ve been a little, you know, crabby? Mars sure has been, but it left its much overstayed welcome on Saturday so you’ll be able to breathe soon (if you haven’t started already). Susan keeps talking about your baby sector. Are you having a baby? Maybe a food baby. Maybe it’s gonna be a real baby! If you need, I can babysit. In other home related news, Suz thinks the 29th is a great time for you to invite people over and show off your cooking skills. You didn’t invite me but I’ll come and bring the bread. Yes, little crab, the 25th is looking good for you, like everyone else. You’ll either have a WOOHOO moment at work, or a WOOHOO moment in the bank. Win, win if you ask me. And you asked.

Leo

Whether you live in NYC or not, your home may have been feeling too small lately. You’ve been getting that antsy claustrophobic feeling that comes with living with someone who continually leaves the toilet seat up, thus increasing your chance of 3 AM emergency room visits by at least double. This may be metaphorical, too. You might feel cramped in a relationship with a family member. But Mars peaced out of Scorpio on Saturday making everything easier, and it’s just going to get better from there. Make this a productive month to prepare for the retrograde in October. If you have the opportunity to travel, take it. You’ll be luckier in Bermuda than at home…but wouldn’t we all be. Finally, Mars is going to “jazz up” your love life so put your tap shoes on, baby lion. Let’s dance.

If you had the mind-boggling patience to read everyone’s signs, you’ll notice I mentioned the 25th a lot. Post-review SparkNote: that’s a good day for everyone, so voice your brain in the comments if we should have some sort of themed, remote-party then. I vote “festive hat day.” You?

Illustration by Cynthia Merhej!

The Thought Process of Sitting Through a Show

It’s 6PM. Shows are definitely more on time here. Look how many people have already found their seats. This is going to start in such a timely manner. Everything about England is so much more civilized, gosh. The runway is made of gravel – I wonder if that’s indicative of anything that Mary Katrantzou’s collection is going to try to say.

Am I seated with American press? I don’t recognize anyone. Oh, there’s Olivia Palermo. I wonder how many times she changed today. She was wearing something different this morning. I’m glad I’m in brogues. London is so easy going. Lights are dimming. Show time?

Dramatic music. Why don’t more designers create the illusion of drama? If they did it might actually affect a viewer’s opinion. This will be good. The week has been vaguely underwhelming. Is that what my review is about? A breathe of fresh air amid a sea of flat gulls? Ha. Ha. Ha. But Mary’s already achieved such resounding international success.

Oh! Trench vest. That’s great. All this ivory. So beautiful with those pants. I don’t think I’ve ever seen her make a pair of solid wide leg pants. Mary is very smart. You can always separate the smart designers from the impulsive ones almost immediately. I wonder if there will be any prints. My hair smells. I wonder if anyone can smell my hair.

What is that fabric? It’s like a bunch of micro-beads sewn onto a tank top. That must be heavy. I wonder if I’ll have time to stop at Topshop while I’m here.

Will anyone actually wear that? It’s so interesting to get a glimpse into how a designer believes his or her consumer should dress, but I guess this collection is much more largely about achieving sartorial formality. Oh wow, listen to me. Sartorial formality?

Woah! That negligee dress is beautiful. Is that chiffon being worn over an encrusted bodice? Yeah. It is. Is that supposed to be indicative of the comfort levels present (or absent) in fashion? And the black gravel runway! What are these stones representing? Maybe nothing. Some of the models seem to be having a difficult time on it. Sparkly shoes are so happy. I should have brought a pair. I wonder what time I need to leave for the airport tomorrow. Heathrow’s a good place for a hang out.

Ah, there’s the signature Mary. She executes her ideas so beautifully. This is authentic. I’d love to see her take on a plebeian day out. What does the Mary girl wear to the supermarket? Does she go to the supermarket? I’d wear those pants with a white t-shirt for sure. That would be great. I actually have a similar pair. Here, in fact. Maybe I’ll wear that tomorrow. With that Saint Laurent bow tie.

I wonder if people think I’m texting? Should I be taking more pictures? I’ll take one shot during the finale and call it quits.

Is this the bravado? How is this embroidery made? Those black sequined slits are smart. I feel like I’m under water. Oh! The gravel! Is it the bottom of a fish bowl? This does look vaguely reef-y. The black embellishment could be a cluster of sea urchins. Oh my gosh! Those sequined birds! Birds of paradise!

I guess this isn’t really red carpet at all. This is how Mary believes a woman should dress. Good for her. I wish I could be her but the more time I spend away the more I feel like jeans and a sweater best represent me. That sounds so boring. I probably shouldn’t say it out loud. Is anyone going to get up and offer a standing ovation? The rhythm of the soundtrack turned this into quite a show. Oh, I better get ready to get up. Getting out of here is going to be a mess. Did I bring my burgundy Chloé sandals? They would look good with what I’m wearing. Maybe in Paris.

Images courtesy of Mary Katrantzou

5 Things to Talk About Today

New York Fashion Week is finally over. You may be thrilled that you don’t have to see “#NYFW” on Instagram for a while, but with London shows currently underway and Milan and Paris on the near horizon, the rest of this month is going to be like one big Foursquare game of international check-ins.

So why not play along? Avoid your usual lunch mate and instead find the nearest tourist. Offer him or her half of your Lunchables, split the CapriSun, and talk about these five things with your new international friend.

1. Look: London’s Best Dressed Dog

At London Fashion Week this fall, Tommy Ton appears to be broadening his range of street style subjects. Even dogs are better dressed abroad. [Instagram]

2. Listen: Beyoncé and Jay Z Make Movies Now

Feast your eyes on part one of the film “Bang Bang,” which premiered during Beyoncé and Jay Z’s On the Run Tour. [Nowness]

3. LOL: Miss America Pageant (Probably) Confuses Foreigners 

A rule of thumb for Americans abroad is that you should never reveal that you’re an American abroad. If you happen to be discovered though, you should brag about the myriad talents and “talent facts” of our Miss America contestants, which include ventriloquism, being afraid of frogs, and surviving a cheetah attack. [Vulture]

4. Lame: TriBeCa Soul-Cyclers Lose Their Minds/Sense of Perspective

One of the hardest things to explain to foreigners is spin class, specifically Soul Cycle. There is no explanation though for the way TriBeCa residents reacted to their local Soul Cycle studio closing (temporarily), so good luck talking your way out of this one. [NYTimes]

5. Lux: Face Cream From Space 

Why settle for going abroad when you can put space on your face? This $1,000 cream is begging to be described as “out of this world.” [Fashionista]

Image via 2001: A Space Odyssey