Leandra Medine's Blog, page 688

MR Round Table: Why Can’t We Stop Talking About Kim Kardashian?

What can be said about Kim Kardashian that has not already been said?

Yes, it is rare that a sex tape should be made available for public consumption, and based on the tenets that inform the tape in question: a crude display of nudity, the desensitization of intimacy and an unfortunate note on the state of celebrity within American culture, a career can be made. It is even rarer that once the novelty of such a tape wears off, the anterior career can proliferate so comprehensively and seep into the zeitgeist so seamlessly that the public consciousness is made to forget about the tape altogether.

Kim Kardashian is an important case study of our time. She embodies a principle that the American dream is built upon, which is that anyone can make it. She also takes it one step further, proving and reproving with each magazine cover that impressively seems to push a different pressure point in spite of its recurring sameness, that to become rich and famous, to live our country’s dream, the only mandatory talent you must retain is thick enough skin to handle a constant, public reminder that you don’t have talent.

The cover of Paper Magazine’s “Break the Internet” issue, which features a naked Kim Kardashian, began circulating Tuesday night before the magazine has hit stands thanks largely in part to her Instagram account, and no one has stopped talking about it since. Here, team Man Repeller hastily joins the conversation.

Leandra Medine: On the Paper website, the prelude to Kim Kardashian’s cover story says, “For our winter issue we gave ourselves one assignment: break the Internet.”

Amelia Diamond: Do you think they broke the Internet?

LM: The problem with this cover is that the novelty of Kim Kardashian’s ass has completely worn off.

Charlotte Fassler: It’s like a TBT to her sex tape, which is what put her on the map to begin with.

LM: I’m curious about the allure of Kim Kardashian.

Kayla Tanenbaum: She’s also the epitome of the modern celebrity in that she’s famous for being famous. More than anyone, she’s that person.

Cristina Couri: Oh yeah. Do you know how many Instagram followers she has? Guess. If you had to guess.

LM: 13 million.

CF: 21 million.

CC: More.

LM: More than 13 million? 21 million!?

CF: Did I guess that exactly?

CC: I think she’s at 22 now. It’s fascinating.

LM: I feel like she has the ability to totally change — she’s like Oprah — she can totally change the trajectory of someone’s business.

AD: She is not Oprah.

CC: She’s not Oprah. Amelia’s going to be upset.

LM: Sorry I said that! But her clout is kind of like Oprah’s.

CF: I guess with Kim Kardashian I just so don’t care at all. I’ve never been interested in watching the Kardashians’ show, my knowledge of the Kardashians spans from whatever I hear in this office. I don’t, per se, understand the allure of the family and of her celebrity. To me, she only was sort of on my radar when she started dating Kanye West.

KT: I never watched The Kardashians either but I think it’s really interesting that even though we’re all sitting around saying we don’t care about Kim Kardashian—

CC: No, I’m fascinated. I don’t care. I kept looking at this picture.

LM: I find her very impressive. I really do.

KT: I wonder about the cover, like Leandra said, it’s not particularly novel, and I agree. Why are we discussing it? Is it because it’s Kim Kardashian? Is it because it’s nudity? Or is it because because they so clearly stated their motive to make something go viral? I wonder why this is even a discussion point if it’s true that Kim Kardashian naked, and nude women on the cover of magazines, isn’t particularly shocking anymore.

AD: I think in sort of a funny way she’s portrayed in a different light than she has been recently. I think it’s a little bit tongue-in-cheek, and I think she’s making fun of herself in a way that she’s not that often…

KT: She seems like she’s in on the joke.

AD: Yeah, she does. And I think they do it well. Everyone is speculating: is it photoshopped or not? I think that’s part of the point, too. They’re not trying to pretend it’s not. In fact, I kept saying to everyone it’s clearly got to be photoshopped because she’s so tall on it. That’s when I saw it on my phone, but when I looked at it online I realized she’s standing on a box, which is something they’d normally hide under the gown. They purposefully don’t hide that crate, and to that I think it’s interesting that they’re kind of like, “Yeah this is fabricated.” I mean, they lubed her butt up so that she would look plastic.

LM: So this is playing with a lot of millennial motifs, right? Because it’s Kim Kardashian, it’s attempting to break the Internet, and it’s imbuing a lot—it’s placing a lot of irony in the entire production.

CF: And by its medium. It’s breaking the Internet with something that’s in print.

LM: That’s such a good point.

KT: And the magazine is not even out yet.

LM: You have to order it. You have to order a print copy! I didn’t even think of that.

AD: As we’re speaking right now, it’s Wednesday, and I think it goes live for sale tomorrow, Thursday. [Ed note: according to WWD, the issue hits stands November 19.]

LM: But can I ask you a question? What is this story going to say that no other story or episode of Keeping Up with the Kardashians has said before?

AD: What if it does say something really different? Like we all find out that Kim Kardashian has been majoring in animal psychology something?

LM: Or that she was supposed to be on that test rocket because she moonlights as a rocket scientist — it’s her side hustle.

AD: This is sort of off topic, but because you talked about the millennial thing, I think what’s interesting or boring — I can’t tell — is that so many memes have come out of it. The cast of Seinfeld is coming out of her butt.

CC: How is this more millennial than the Vogue cover? That thing had a hashtag on it.

AD: I think this cover is more interesting than the Vogue cover.

CF: This magazine embraces irony. Vogue was very serious.

LM: Even though Anna’s editor letter did say, “This issue is about ‘virality’ on the Internet. And who better to epitomize that than Kim Kardashian and Kanye West?”

CF: They were definitely self-referential to it being uncharacteristic of Vogue, but I think they tried to steer as far away from irony as they could.

KT: From what I remember from the Editor’s Letter, Anna addressed that it was uncharacteristic to have them on the cover, but actually Vogue means this so it’s really not. I remember her drawing a really logical argument for why it makes sense.

CC: I remember her talking about how she’s such a force in our culture, or something like that, and how she almost serves as a barometer for our culture.

LM: I’m curious about how this happened, how Kim Kardashian rose to the level of fame that she did, only because I feel like as much as doors can be opened for you and the Internet is an incredible place to inform what you can do, where you can go, how popular you can become… I’m thinking specifically about Alex from Target, that photo and how viral it went— it’s so fascinating, and it’s interesting that he was able to quadruple to tenth power his following in one day, but now what? What is her staying power all about?

CF: If we want to take it back to the roots, she marked the beginning of Internet virality with her sex tape with Ray-J.

KT: But why and how did she eclipse Paris Hilton who had her own sex tape?

AD: It seems like Paris Hilton sort of dropped out of the game. Kim Kardashian was just smart about it.

KT: But what’s the difference between the two of them?

CF: Kris Jenner was smart about it.

LM: The difference between the two of them is that Kim Kardashian didn’t necessarily come from the abundance of wealth that Paris Hilton did. She certainly did not grow up slumming it, but she also wasn’t an heiress. Her dad was a lawyer. The family received any recognition or clout at all because he defended OJ Simpson. It’s a very unique, modern American situation.

AD: I also think she’s different in that during that time, 2000s sort of, that’s when it was very bubble gum, tan, pop, blonde, Juicy sweatpants, that LA-look. Kim Kardashian, especially back then, looked very different than anything else we were seeing in the media. She’s part Armenian, so she had darker skin, thicker eyebrows, she was short, she had a totally different body type. I remember the first time like the media being like, this different-looking person is hot and beautiful. I mean that’s something. People took an interest in her because she didn’t look like everyone else.

KT: I think it’s weird people haven’t gotten sick of her yet. I don’t think it’s weird that she’s blown up, but I’m impressed with how long she’s maintained this cultural interest in her. I guess dating Kanye was the next step, and that helped.

CC: I feel like she’s the most famous celebrity in the world. I really do.

LM: And she is apparently quite nice. I know that sounds absurd, but she gives everyone the time of day. I’m not even famous and sometimes I’m like, “Grr!”

AD: I’ve heard that from people who have been on shoots with her: she’s sweet and polite.

CF: Even in her reality show she’s always the very diplomatic one whose surrounded by drama.

LM: Right. She’s really quiet during those fights.

KT: She also doesn’t drink.

LM: She doesn’t? Smart.

CF: I think that she sees things as business opportunities. It’s very clear. Whereas other girls who say yes to reality shows aren’t thinking of them in the same way she is. They are thinking fame, immediacy. I think what’s interesting about her is that she’s so present in the moment of whatever is hyper-popularized at whatever time, however is always doing it one step above anyone else. Their show is still running.

CC: And they’ve had so many spinoffs. Now it’s Kourtney and Khloé Take the Hamptons.

CF: I think that—I mean the show started right around the same time—mid to late 2000s—right after her sex tape leaked. That led to, “Oh, we want to know more about this girl.” This is the crux of reality television where anyone and everyone has a show.

KT: But her show still came after Jessica Simpson’s show, after the Osborne’s…

CF: After Simple Life. I mean yeah, the Osborne’s were a smashing success as a family as well, however that family was a little too messed up to be able to sustain ten seasons of a reality show.

AD: When someone has a team of people dedicated to hating them for whatever reason, or being against them, this other side will rise and be greater than the other side, who then has to oppose that. They have to be like, “I don’t get this thing with her, I’m going to be anti-Kim.” And it sort of builds this monster. I think Kim built that monster.

LM: Right, you build teams. It’s sort of like the equivalent of football but for women.

AD: Totally. But similar to how Howard Stern had so many people who hated him, and they hated him so much that they tuned into his show every week and gave the ratings. That’s part of why he became so popular. I think a large part of that began the initial projection to Kim Kardashian fame. For every five haters, there are ten champions. She cultivated and dealt with that while she’s so nice to her fans, as you said. She builds them up and then they build her up, like a cycle.

CC: Did you see Kim’s tweet about this: “And they say I didn’t have a talent. Try balancing a champagne class on your ass. LOL.”

AD: That’s her being in on the joke.

LM: She’s doing that Miuccia Prada thing, and I hope Prada doesn’t roll over because I just compared her to Kim Kardashian, but it’s like we were saying with her Resort ad campaign that just rolled out, she’s so aware of what people can compare the ads to, and she’s so in on the joke that we, the spectators, don’t even realize there is a joke.

CF: I just have a question about Kim Kardashian on the cover and the overt sexuality of it. Yeah, I think she’s in on the joke and it’s ironic and it’s recreating an image that already exists by the same photographer and what not, but I just sort of wonder because the image, it does have a bit of a grotesque look to it, proportionally and in the way that it’s styled. I just sort of wonder what the feminist backlash has been for it.

LM: Oh, I’ll be curious to see that too.

CF: I don’t know. Is Kim Kardashian really someone who’s embracing the female body to a degree or is she calling attention to the fact that it’s hyper-sexualized and then in doing so making it okay for people on the Internet to post a million memes of Krispy Kreme doughnuts next to her ass.

KT: The thing I really like about the photograph is that she’s making eye contact with the camera and smiling. I think, just to give a quick comparison, American Apparel ads, for example, people have so many issues with them is that these women completely like they were caught off guard, like they were being spied on, and in that way, violated. Kim, though, she’s looking at the camera and in that way is a) addressing the viewer and b) has some control over the image. I think I would have an absolute problem with it if she weren’t making eye contact.

CF: Yeah, it definitely doesn’t have that creepy voyeuristic look to it. I’m just curious, not even about the image itself, more about the reaction that will then create the response to it and the discussion around it.

AD: A main one being that she’s a mom. There is something to be said about the fact that maybe now that she’s a mom in the present tense term and is going to be for the rest of her life, maybe you consider your child when you put yourself out there…

KT: But she has a sex tape.

AD: She had a sex tape — and when she was how young, though? I think that you make a lot of not smart decisions throughout every point in your life, especially when you’re younger, so who cares whether it was a choice or not? Not who cares, but it’s not relevant to the point. It’s interesting to think about this cover years later — regardless of the sex tape — I wonder if she did consider her daughter. Maybe she considered it art, because when I look at the original photograph and I think, “What a great picture. That would be fun to frame.” The bare butt, though, if I were… I don’t know. I feel like it’s interesting with someone with a daughter would put that out there. That’s saying to your daughter, “You can put your bare butt on a magazine too.” And maybe that is something she’s fine with. I’m not saying it’s right or wrong, it’s just something to consider.

LM: Consider the circumstance. If this were Cindy Sherman’s magazine cover, wouldn’t the conversation be like, “Wow! What a powerful message she’s sending to women!” Are we blinded by the label here? I remember when I was profiled in The New York Times, when I had just started Man Repeller, the reporter compared me to Cindy Sherman. If you think about Cindy Sherman, she sort of is, I’m not going to say the first personal style blogger, but she’s a very expositional artist who uses herself as her canvas.

CF: She was the start of the selfie.

AD: Yeah, but she’s an artist. Kim’s not. The photographer, however, is a different matter, and his subject matter makes her art.

KT: I think the currency that we’re talking about, what differentiates them, what separates Kim Kardashian from Cindy Sherman from a photographer from any old blogger is intention and control. Cindy Sherman is obviously intentional in the way that she styles herself and shows images of herself. I think that Kim Kardashian hasn’t always appeared in control, even if she secretly is. The sex tape and posing nude for Playboy is very different from posing nude if you’re Cindy Sherman. That’s not a judgment. I’m just saying I think people take those things differently.

CF: I think Kim Kardashian, the reason she’s still around and the reason she’s relevant, why we’re talking about her is because all of her choices have been hyper-calculated. When you look at the trajectory of what she’s done, it feels like she is very savvy and business-minded. Paper clearly approached her with a concept, and I’m sure she was collaborative in it. She wasn’t submissive.

LM: I think that by the rules of what I consider the most ideal version of feminism, the female response to this cover is, “Let her be her. Who cares?”

KT: Feminism shouldn’t be prescriptive.

LM: I think that’s all I got. I didn’t find the cover offensive at all.

AD: I felt it a little un-shocking.

LM: I laughed when you sent me a screenshot last night. I said out loud, “oh my gosh.” But it was inflected more like “again!?” She’s sort of like the boy who cried wolf, except she’s not crying wolf, she’s crying ass.

KT: I don’t think there’s anything she could do that would be truly shocking besides becoming a rocket scientist. To be the complete opposite of what she is. More nudity isn’t going to shock anyone.

CF: I feel like at the end of the day, you can’t help but pay attention to it because you literally can’t miss it when you’re looking at it. It’s just sort of an empty promise of not much.

LM: The thing that concerns me is that is what Kim Kardashian seems to be is a low common denominator for conversation. What came out of this conversation that we just had? Did we come to any sweeping conclusions? Did we have any ground-breaking, interesting comments or point of views to share? No. We just had a conversation about Kim Kardashian. Is this going to elicit a larger conversation? Is this going to feed the Man Repeller community’s engine the way that previous roundtables have? I don’t know.

AD: It’s going to feed the following of Kim Kardashian. The fact that we’re having this conversation… I mean Paper magazine just got mentioned how many times?

LM: That’s the other thing. Not the other thing, but is this conversation a reflection of her trade? Is her trade just a consistent low common denominator that won’t give up, that keeps us tuned into its frequencies simply by virtue of how loud it is?

AD: Maybe we need that. Everyone’s going to have something to talk about at their awkward work dinner tonight. It’s better than the weather.

LM: It’s going to be a change from the weather, even though I maintain that the weather is an important conversation in New York is because it’s so erratic.

KT: I feel like it’s possible to have an interesting conversation about Kim Kardashian but not necessarily one about her ass on this cover.

CF: I think this just goes back to my initial point: I’m not that interested in Kim Kardashian. I’m just not that into her.

CC: We all seem sort of indifferent and we all seem to have the same perspective.

LM: I’m really not indifferent. I’m so fascinated by her celebrity. I want to understand how she became as famous as she did and how she has retained the celebrity. I’d love to understand why we can’t stop talking about Kim Kardashian — why we can’t stop talking about talking about Kim Kardashian.

CF: I’d agree with that. I’m not interested in reading gossip about her, or watching her show. I’m interested in her as a character who has risen to such extreme popularity, but I’m not that interested in following her Instagram or her Twitter, actually following her as a celebrity icon.

LM: I like following her. I don’t know why. I try to figure it out every time I peek through her photos.

KT: I guess she dresses pretty well these days.

CF: Kanye, man.

LM: But even that is so prescribed because it’s not… There’s no real style there. It’s very formulaic. It was so great the first time I saw her in a camel coat, the second time was cool too, I wrote about it the third time, but by the forth time I was like, “Okay I get it.” I get that there is… She’s terrible at troubleshooting too, huh? I get that there is a formula here, I just don’t trust that she knows how to move beyond what’s been prescribed to her. She’s not a flexible or strategic thinker. She will wear what she’s told to wear. That’s not interesting to me.

KT: She won. We talked about it.

AD: It made me more interested in the photographer.

LM: Really?

AD: This is completely random but I really liked the weird, brown color scheme. I thought that was an interesting choice.

LM: I love that you thought about that.

AD: That’s me, that’s my tap-out. I’m hungry.

LM: My tap-out is Kim Kardashian is the TK of our generation. It’s still soon to tell what she is, but it’s something.

CF: She’s the closest thing to American royalty at this point. What does that say about our country?

KT: Beyoncé, come on.

CC: She’s mastered every corner of the globe.

AD: Even Instagram didn’t take the photo down.

KT: They have a nipple thing, not a butt thing.

LM: I’m so confused about the things that offend people versus the things that don’t and who decides what’s offensive and what’s not. If our ass cracks were on our elbows and we crapped out of our elbows, what would clothing look like? What would we look like?

AD: What would diapers look like?

LM: Kim Kardashian, man.

What’s On Your Fall Shopping List?

On mine:

1. Burgundy boots to wear with:

2. High waist, non-stretch jeans that aren’t skinny but aren’t flared and end exactly where my ankle begins

3. A black, double-breasted coat that is as long as the anterior jeans. This will be my car and therefore incredibly important to own

4. Wild card shoes — the extra-spicy salsa to dress up my Tostito

5. Four shirts

a) a white t-shirt

b) a blue button down with pockets on both sides of the buttons

c) a white poplin tunic

d) a navy blue, loose-fit chunky knitwit

***

I don’t have burgundy boots but I do have a pair that are this lovely cognac color — they should serve the same purpose that the ones that languish in my mind, which are Tabitha Simmons, do. Same heel height (null and void), same length (just a few inches above ankle point.) I’m also pretty sure that I acquired the right high waist non-stretch jeans last winter, which I’ve worn 182 times and have never once questioned. They’re like the sister my parents never gave me. And a little longer than my double breasted black winter coat but that’s nothing a snip, tuck or roll can’t fix. Which reminds me too that item 3 already exists in the depths of my sartillery (sartorial artillery).

1. Burgundy boots to wear with

2. High waist, non-stretch jeans that aren’t skinny but aren’t flared and end exactly where my ankle begins

3. A black, double-breasted coat that is as long as the anterior jeans. This will be my car and therefore incredibly important to own

Wild card shoes  are essentially a pressure point that need to be pushed but don’t exactly achieve anything at all, which is something I know for certain because of the four-tone platforms I bought at the end of last season on the and was sure would change the entire trajectory of my outfitting capabilities. I have since only worn them once which effectively makes them fresh enough to call new now.

4. Wild card shoes — the extra-spicy salsa to dress up my Tostito

And those shirts. The shirts! I bought that sweater in Paris last February. That tunic is actually a dress, it’s from The Gap and I might have it shortened. A version of that blue button down is also in my closet but only contains one side pocket. That’s a small concession, though, and I am willing to make it.

5. Four shirts

a) a white t-shirt

b) a blue button down with pockets on both sides of the buttons

c) a white poplin tunic

d) a navy blue, loose-fit chunky knitwit

So, let me rephrase that — what’s on your fall saving list?

Image on the left shot by Hedi Slimane for the Saint Laurent Pre-fall 2014 campaign, image on the right shot by Annemarieke van Drimmelen for Rika Magazine 

What Your Coffee Order Says About You

No Almond Milk, No Service

She requests almond milk, but upon finding out that this particular cafe (presumably NOT in Brooklyn, NY or Venice, CA) offers only soy as its non-dairy option, decides that she has changed her mind and would rather subject herself to a caffeine-withdrawal migraine than stand one second longer in an establishment that probably doesn’t use locally farmed apples in its muffins, either. Unclear as to whether or not it’s a legitimate intolerance to lactose.

The Aspirational Dieter

She orders a regular drip coffee — black, then decides to make it a café au lait, which then becomes a latte, and by the time she’s completed her order she’s just purchased a Venti Mocha Vanilla Frappuccino with a caramel swirl…”but hold the whip.”

The Poser

Speaking of Frappuccinos, The Poser orders the strawberry variety, or something that includes the word “peaches and cream,” or any other highlighter-colored beverage that in no way whatsoever involves caffeine or coffee. She means well — maybe her friends all wanted lattes and she was just being a good sport, but to the line of addicts behind her shaking because they haven’t had their fix of the bean, she is the enemy. She should have gone to Wendy’s if she wanted a Frosty. 

The Panic Button

“I’ll have a skim latte…actually make that a cappuccino, LOL I’m so Italian. Becky, aren’t I so Italian? Wait! Can I have an iced green tea instead? And a scone. Or no, kidding, a black coffee with a little bit of soy. Iced! An iced coffee. Actually–”

Ah, the poor Panic Button girl. Overwhelmed by limitless options (coffee blends, milk varieties, various flavor and topping combinations, not to mention size), she needs a sedative more than a cup of joe by the time she’s paid for her drink. No matter what she gets, or how many times she modifies her order, she always questions her decision at the milk and sugar station and lives in perpetual doubt and caffeinated regret.

The Self-Proclaimed Coffee Snob

She wants to know where the coffee beans are sourced from, and on occasion will inquire into the name of the coffee bean farm’s owner, the beans’ genetic history and what the weather was on the day this particular batch was harvested. Always eager to be ripped off, she wouldn’t trust a venue that charged under $3 per cup. She would rather drink tar than instant coffee, and may or may not choose her apartments based on their proximity to one of her 5 approved spots. Best question to ask her on or off the red carpet: who are you drinking? And never, ever, admit out loud that her annoying coffee recommendation you didn’t ask for was 100% on point.

The Dad Brew

The antithesis to The Snob, The Dad Brew girl rolls her eyes at anyone who claims they can tell the difference between blends. She’s sick of hearing people compare coffee brands in earnest as though they were discussing truly important matters, like literature or Rihanna versus Beyoncé. Instead, she takes great pride in getting her $1 coffee from the dude on the corner in his portable cart, and flaunts her Anthora cup as though she were the one who came up with the original design. She’s no amateur though: while brew-clout’s irrelevant, her coffee has to be piping hot.

The New Yorker

She takes her coffee black — like her soul — and refuses sugar. She’s either part Snob and “respects the bean,” or needs something to occupy the hand that isn’t holding her 8 AM cigarette. Her jeans are ripped, her dialogue is esoteric, and she stands on the subway, even if there’s an available seat.

The Bodega Junkie

She buys her coffee where she buys everything else — the bodega. Does it matter that the “hazelnut” coffee tastes like peanut water, or that the scooper for the communal cooler of ice has been handled by at least a dozen people within the last 10 minutes? Hell no! Convenience is a luxury, and nothing says convenient like being able to buy coffee, tampons, condoms and string cheese all in one place.

The Snowman

She drinks iced coffee year round, even when she’s on a winter ski trip in Colorado. You’ve heard her say that it has something to do with keeping her teeth white, but the same girl curiously slurps down wine as though she’s biting into an apple. Hot coffee drinkers look at The Snowman as though she’s not a “real” coffee drinker, but you’ve seen her take in black sans Splenda. Good enough.

The ABC

Always Be Cleansing: she’ll invite you for coffee, but then order a hot water with lemon. That’s your cue to order a chocolate croissant.

A Sophie Milrom & Amelia Diamond brain-collaboration, with Charlotte Fassler on the illustration kick drum

Image via Harpers Bazaar UK

MR Writer’s Club: (Not Too) Cool for School

“Don’t let schooling interfere with your education.” Mark Twain once said that. I also had a teacher who taught that one should never begin a story or an article with a quote.

That same teacher gave me detention for falling asleep in his class, which I guess taught me that staying up until 3 AM in hopes that the guy I liked also had insomnia and would message me on AIM was pretty fruitless — and then wouldn’t you know it, that very same lesson somehow transitioned into a greater one about me doing me and the importance of independence.

The classroom teaches you lots of things: how to share, how to pick a good field trip partner, how to be kind, how to stand up for yourself. The classroom — whether it be a kindergarten one with alphabet carpeting and little baby chairs made out of thick red plastic, or a graduate program’s lecture hall where you’re the oldest in the room, potentially more experienced in life than your academic peers but equal when considering GMAT scores — is an opportunity to learn something more than just what’s in the books.

Write about that something. In ~500 words, whether it was Newton’s Law or Pythagorean theorem or that the person next to you has their headphones in for a reason, we want to know what the best, or most important, thing you learned in a classroom was.

You know the deal: submit your essays to write@manrepeller.com by 12PM on Friday, November 21st, and if you’re feeling social or particularly millennial, the hashtag is #mrwritersclub.

Image via Schon Magazine

In Season: Persimmons

Last week, Seattle-based Brittany Wright of Wright Kitchen taught us why cooking for the season is important. This week, she teaches us how to make crepes with the very in-season (though often perplexing) fruit known as persimmons. 

Persimmons are technically considered to be berries. Unripe, they can taste bitter and chalky, but when fully matured (which occurs naturally with sunlight or by placing them in a paper bag), the orange fruit can be eaten raw like an apple, dried, or cooked. You’ll know it’s ready when the color turns from green to orange, like a tomato.

There are two main types of persimmons:

– Fuyu persimmons are a non-astringent variety and can be eaten raw. This type of persimmon stays fresh for up to three weeks when stored at room temperature. Non-astringent persimmons can be eaten even when they feel hard to the touch.

– Hachiya persimmons are shaped like acorns and are astringent prior to ripening. Important: let them ripen completely before consuming. (You know they’re ready when soft.) This variety stays fresh only for a few days and is predominately used for cooking.

Fun fact: unripe, astringent persimmons are full of tannin, which is used to brew sake and preserve wood in Japan. A more fun fact, however, is that ripe persimmons can be used to make absolutely delicious seasonable crepes, which I will now teach you below.

Persimmon Crepe

Ingredients

– 4 persimmons (of any ripened variety)

– 1 cup all-purpose flour, spooned and leveled

– 1 tbsp sugar

– 1/4 tsp coarse salt

– 1 ½ cups whole milk

– 4 large eggs

– 3 tablespoons unsalted butter, melted

– 1/3 cup sugar

– 1 cinnamon stick

– Pinch of freshly cracked pepper

– ½ vanilla bean, scraped of its seeds

– Juice of 1 small lemon

– 1 tbsp cornstarch

– 8oz goat cheese

– Handful of pistachios, crushed

Directions

Cut 4 ripe persimmons into wedges and remove the skin. Put them into a heavy-bottomed pan over medium heat along with the sugar, cinnamon stick, pepper, lemon juice, vanilla bean pod and seeds.

Allow this to simmer for 15 minutes while stirring occasionally. Add cornstarch and cook for 5 more minutes, then remove from heat. Set aside. (You can discard cinnamon stick and vanilla bean pod now, too.)

Combine flour, sugar, salt, milk, eggs, and butter in a blender. Mix for 30 seconds or until batter is smooth, with bubbles starting to form on the top. Let batter sit at room temperature for 15 minutes, or refrigerate up to 1 day (but whisk before using).

Heat a non-stick crepe pan over medium. Spread a light layer of butter on the pan and then add 1/3 cup batter. Swirl the pan around to completely cover the bottom of the skillet with batter. Cook until the bottom of the crepe is golden brown, which typically takes about 2 minutes. Carefully flip the crepe with a spatula and cook 1 minute more. Remove crepe and repeat with the remaining batter, coating the pan with butter as needed.

Fill crepe with a scoop of the cooked persimmons and sprinkle goat cheese on top. Fold in half and top with crushed pistachios and thyme honey.

BONUS!

Thyme Infused Honey

Combine 5 sprigs of fresh or dried thyme to 1 cup of honey in a jar, let sit for 5 days.

Enjoy.

Actually, before you consume completely: take a picture of your finished crepes and upload them in the comments. We’d love to hear more persimmon recipes as well. Like Cher said in Clueless, the more, the berry-er.

Fitness Cliques and The Kool-Aid Test

There was a time not long ago, during the cold and prolonged months of a winter past, when I was very committed to Soul Cycle. Every Monday at noon, I would faithfully log into my account, purchase a bundle of classes (I also ate peanuts for lunch) and effectively “book my soul.” I’d waddle through the Manhattan Slushie – a frozen blend of ice, grime, and the daily commuter footprints — in order to make it to Sting or Madison or Kym’s class. I wasn’t picky about my instructors, I was just happy to have made it into the clique.

In class, I would bounce! bounce! bounce! to the likes of Kylie Minogue or a good Nirvana remix. I splurged on a pair of neon pink leggings (mind you, I was a WARRIOR). I drank green juice after class and doused myself in the lemon scented body wash that the pristine bathrooms displayed.

I even dared to go full nude in the locker room. After all, this was family.

At my peak, I was riding up to five times a week. My debit card, however, was drowning — likely eating its own flesh to survive. I couldn’t recall the last time I left my apartment in something other than sneaker wedges and neon pink leggings, and I’d started to organize social plans around whatever class had bumped me in from the wait list.

I wore headbands.

And thus began my indoctrination into the sticky world of Fitness Cliques:  the near-impenetrable groups of workout devotees, divided into crews by their preferred trend, cult-like classes.

Initiation usually occurs in 5 phases I like to call, “The Kool-Aid Test.”

Phase 1: You’re Offered a Drink at a Party

You’re idling by the water cooler — making small talk with nobody — when your co-worker Nancy walks up. She patiently waits for you to step aside so she can refill her Hydro Flast insulated stainless steel water bottle for the fourth time this morning: “Ugh, I just can’t get enough of this H2O! I’m super dehydrated from the underwater spin class I did this morning. Hey! You should come with. Tomorrow? Ricky is teaching! Madonna themed! I’m telling you Esther, my ass has never felt so good. “

Phase 2: You Take a Sip…

…Then chase it with another gulp of water. The chipper lady at the other end of the phone tells you that your first class is, surprise, FREE! Your dad always told you there was no such thing, but homegirl at SpinMermaid doesn’t seem like the type of gal who’d lie to you. You get through your first class despite wishing the earth would open up and swallow you whole at every sprint. You feel good. The next day, your newfound gluts are sore enough to convince you that you need a well deserved, month-long sabbatical from fitness.

Phase 3: Then You Knock Back a Few too Many

There will be a week — it will creep up on you — that you’ll spend blackout drunk on fitness. A bender. It’ll start on a Sunday, when your actual hangover is so bad, you feel like the only alternative to death is exercise. You’ll go for a run. You’ll attend a spin class. You’ll use the yoga credit that your old college roommate gifted you for your birthday two years prior. Now flash forward to Friday and you’ve worked out five times. Your mom tells you your calves look good. You consider training for the NYC marathon. Go home Esther, you’re drunk.

Phase 4: Your Tolerance Increases

You level off. You’re now exercising, say, three to five times a week. The girls at SpinMermaid know you by your fitness name, Number 5, which is what Ricky calls you when you go too easy on the resistance. You begin canceling happy hour plans with your friends to attend 6:30 classes. You lie and tell them you have to work late but not to worry, you’ll meet them at dinner. And by the way, can we go macrobiotic?

Phase 5: You Offer Someone a Drink at a Party

Essentially, you have become that dude from the Kool-Aid commercial. You are Mr. Kool-Aid. You get so excited about the prospect of recruiting new members to your fitness clique, you could jump through brick walls. You can’t resist the urge to proposition your unassuming coworkers at the water cooler. You tout the benefits of a Paleo diet and have grown a strange attraction to the caveman from the Geico commercial. You’re drunker than Hemingway in Havana, but way, way more fit.

I can vouch for the Kool-Aid test because I’ve been there. One minute H20 Nancy’s hunting you like the heedless antelope in the Savanna that you are and the next, you’ve turned into H20 Nancy.

Except you don’t eat red meat.

But let’s face it: come winter, fitness devotees will retire to their hibernation dens and the only thing to get silly drunk over will be gingerbread lattes. Nothing sobers up Mr. Kool-Aid like an oncoming polar vortex — until spring, that is, when crop-tops make their imminent return.

Feature image originally shot by Lady Tarin for Gioia, inside images originally shot by James Macari for Grazia France 

Groundhog Dates

When you’re online dating, you can really only count on one thing: awkwardness. The first date can range from Hugh-Grant-Charming-Awkward to Jesse-Eisenberg-Uncomfortable-Awkward, but it is always, fundamentally, awkward. Take normal first date jitters and add the fact that you are meeting a stranger with whom you’ve probably had a semi-intimate text conversation about your dog’s funeral or what your spirit vegetable is.

Maybe you’ve exchanged ugly-but-still-pretty silly-selfies; maybe you already have inside jokes. Either way, the pressure on. Is he going to look the same in person as he did in his photos? Is he going to sound like Alvin and/or the chipmunks? Do you tell him you Facebook-stalked him and realized that girl you went on a teen tour with in 2009 went to his high school?

These questions will be answered in due time, but you’re not at the mercy of the Tinder gods, either. You can help you, by letting me help you.

You have that one thing you do on all of your dates, right? Whether it’s a go-to joke or lucky bra, first dates are never entirely composed of new material. We all do it. My thing is bowling. When the date asks what we should do, I react as if the best idea ever suddenly came to me out of nowhere. “This sounds totally crazy, but I’ve always wanted to go drunk bowling,” I suggest like the fun-loving, sporty, spontaneous gal that in time, he will learn I am not.

I took five consecutive first dates bowling, and on every date I made a variation of the same joke about “handling balls” which sealed exactly 3.5 out of 5 deals. Of course, I didn’t want to get a reputation, or get caught — “Hey, weren’t you here last Friday with a similarly bearded man? You must really love bowling”— so I suggested different allies for each date. I can provide you with a lengthy Pro/Con list of the various Lucky Strike locations in the Tri-state area; just let me know if you need it. Even though the guys were totally different — only two were French! — the dates began to feel eerily similar to the fate of Bill Murray’s recurring Groundhog Day. 

But why bowling? Good question. First of all, getting up to bowl is an amazing way to put some space in a conversation so you can think of more funny one-liners or take a break from his story about the time he and his frat bothers threw a TV out of a window and it was hilarious. The end of each round provides a solid enough cushion to call it a night and leave the date, so if you’re having fun, a drink at an actual bar after is a seamless invite away. If you’re not, claim emotional and physical exhaustion from hurling a heavy object towards less heavy objects with the hope of knocking them down and hightail it out of there. Worst-case scenario and the guy really does sound like a cartoon chipmunk, at least you got to go bowling.

Going on the same date five times is a perfectly-run experiment in that there is only one variable: the dude. No more guessing games, no more “maybe he hated the bar,” or “maybe he’s just not that good at trapeze”  or “maybe he’s allergic to alpacas and the petting zoo wasn’t awesome for him.”

If he doesn’t stack up against the other guys, don’t diSPARE (get it!?) — send him back to the GUTTER (no!?!?) and find another date. That’s life in the fast LANE (okay, I’m done, I swear).

Do you have a groundhog date move? I’d be willing to share bowling with you.

Original Image shot by Jamie Nelson for Evening Standard, Collage by Krista Anna Lewis

A Different Kind of Bag Lady

A panic tends to set in during this time for three reasons:

1) You suddenly realize you should probably be thinking about the gifts you’re going to buy this holiday season, since last year your family made you sign an official document that stated you would no longer wrap macaroni-made I-OWE-Us with newspaper and festive glitter bombs that ruined everyone’s outfit for the rest of the day.

2) You suddenly realize that while your current wardrobe may be doing just fine thanks to the freezing cold air that the upcoming winter is blowing on in like a sudden off-Broadway revival of your wardrobe’s wintry greatest hits (CABLE KNITS ARE HEADLINING MOTHA FUCKA!), your bag situation is kind of stale.

3) No money. Similar to a game I like to play when a guy goes dark and stops asking me out (called “Gay or Dead?” — equally as fun as “Prada or Nickelback?”), I often find myself in frequent rounds of Where Did All My Money Go with your host, Alex Trebek! I am very good at this game.

But still, because of #1 Gift Season and #2 Stale Bag Syndrome, it’s easy to ignore #3 (push that right on under the carpet for now, spring cleaning isn’t mandatory for a while) and carry on bravely like the good shopper you are.

If, that is, you have a little guidance. And so, in the name of friendship, subtle hints and a female need for us to carry our lockers either on our backs or under our arms, may I suggest a few quality, won’t-die-on-you bags for you to give or get without feeling as though you need to begin harvesting your body hair just in case you have to start a wig business to pay rent.

Hmm?

If you need a substantial tote that can go from the office to a holiday party where everyone will be wearing really fabulous lamps on their head

Try the Petra Market by Everlane, $365, which is a serious steal if you consider that a bag like this would typically go for $1000 or more plus your soul. (This one, which is a bit smaller and more upright, goes for $325)

If you need a backpack because you ride your bike everywhere, but don’t want everyone to be like, “HEY I REMEMBER KINDERGARTEN” and would prefer them to say, “Whoa, can I copy you ya chic freak?”

Try this striped dude (that can also transition into a top-handle bucket bag), $110, by Proper Assembly.

If you need an evening clutch that is also a day clutch in a gorgeous color that can also act as a centerpiece just in case someone (Arthur. Tom. Good lord you two, get it together) forgets the wild cranberries…

Try this clutch (hand-painted by Argentinian designers), $175, by Auster — a brand with a very cool backstory.

And if you need a shoulder bag that is your every-damn-day purse that makes you feel like a proper lady but also, like someone who no longer needs to resort to macaroni I-OWE-Us (although you would not be averse to glitter bombs should the moment strike…)

Try this leather satchel $340, by +YMC. (Keep that glitter in a plastic baggy inside of it just in case.)

Have at it, bag ladies!

Feature image via V Magazine shot by François Nars

From The Waist Up

People are always warning of weather being the great conversation killer, but in a city like New York, where the temperatures seem more hormonal and therefore volatile than a woman who hasn’t had her period in seven months and is therefore taking supplements to bring it back on but failing at that, it’s also hugely difficult to talk about anything else.

So maybe that’s our thing, right? If in LA, the great lament consistently surrounds traffic — that standstill, mind-numbing and invariably inescapable immobility that plagues all of its denizens, then here it has to be about the weather. And with a perpetually open dialogue on the weather comes what?

Ding! Ding! Ding!

A conversation on how you should dress.

Though it’s never new, it’s also never old because it changes so frequently and ferociously that even if you knocked yesterday out of the park with your high waist white jeans and backless shoes, black t-shirt and double breasted blazer, you could be all for naught today. Which is totally me projecting, by the way. So I’m going to make a proposition that besieges a more evolved nod to the lesson in layering to ensure that you don’t show up at work tomorrow wearing a jean jacket because you thought it was going to be steamy like Wednesday in spite of it having turned out feel more frosty like Thursday.

Focusing primarily on the region from your waist up, why don’t you consider at least three layers of top to be, uh, topped off with a vanity scarf to wear around your neck? An extensive treasure chest quietly prevails on such second-hand retailers as The Real Real and Vestiaire Collective.

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The gray-haired gentleman, shot by WWD, makes a case for the anterior scarf with a wool blazer worn over a vest (any vest) and white button down shirt while the lady to his right (by a click’s standard, at least) makes her a focal point over a grey sweatshirt (try a fair aisle sweater! What do you have to lose!) that could be used as a cloak for at least one t-shirt though two works, uh, too. Or three. Three, two.

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The following and final slide essentially abandons the rules of this post what with its singular, cotton button down blouse plus popped color but delivers a dose of heart with a pair of paint-splashed pants worth talking about and a set of shoulders, which seem to maintain a superpower dexterity to keep a jacket planted on them.

So, I heard it’s going to be 40 degrees tomorrow. Yikes.

Esther’s Picks: The Anonymous Oversized Coat is Actually from H&M

How many love songs in the history of music have been inspired by a “doe-eyed girl on the subway?”

One song, and its writer has been remiss to create another since the moment Beautiful fled from Bedlam and into the hearts of pubescent girls everywhere. Well, Mr. Blunt, I also saw a girl on the subway, and although she hadn’t been with another man, she was wearing the most incredible oversized coat-bathrobe thing that my eyes had ever seen.

The black wool swallowed her small frame, covering every inch of her skin save for a thin slice of ankle eloquently perched amid the purrrtiest pair of kitten heels. It was the type of outfit — nay, she was the type of girl — that convinced you that you were doing it wrong.

I would lose sleep over this girl.

I needed a plan.

I resisted the temptation to ask if I could climb in. The coat was big enough for three, two easy. Alas, this was the New York subway, when you find a viable seat you storm that station like Normandy.

But my momma taught me better than that, and so I asked the woman where she’d gotten her coat — a less imaginative approach than cocoon ambushing but a safer bet nonetheless. She responded with the most glorious word known to trend-seeking-womankind.

No, not Paris. 

Rather, H&M.

One quick google search above ground revealed that the wool-blend coat was part of the retailer’s F/W 14 Studio Collection. It was available in a size XS for $199 and it was soon to be mine. Behold, one more excuse not to change out of your PJs in the morning, and a haiku that has no place here:

Lend me your comfort 

Your warmth, cover me whole now

Just please, don’t trip me

Update: At least two men have shouted at me “damn girl, I thought that was a bathrobe!” during the shoot for this post. Success.

Shoes by MM6, jeans from Brandy Melville jeans and sweater by The Reformation