Leandra Medine's Blog, page 636

Rosie Assoulin: WINNER of the CFDA Swarovski Award for Womenswear

Hi! Good morning! Happy Saturday! I’ve got a question: what are you doing right now?

Are you:

a) Laying in bed, thinking about the fact that this is one of the first of many Saturdays that will require your putting on a sweater before leaving home to grab a cup of coffee or worse: leaving your bed to get to the kitchen for a hot beverage (worse because the apartment is so cold you can’t even meander through your personal space without several layers shielding your body).

b) Still laying in bed but not so much thinking about third-party induced energy so much as you are scrolling through Instagram to come upon the New York Times Fashion account, which is posting photo after photo of street style celebrity in Milan twirling and girling like there’s no tomorrow, there was no yesterday, and when the maximum number of likes have been accrued, there will be no today, either?

c) Again, in bed, on Instagram, looking at photos from the most recent shows in Milan (Giorgio Armani! What is the story with that Cleopatra reincarnate, slowly traipsing on her bare feet, am I right?)

d) As a result of item c, maybe you’ve just locked your phone screen, tossed it over to the bed stand on your left and are now thinking about how quickly these fashion weeks come, go and are forgotten. It’s a vaguely dark, certainly introspective thought for 10AM on a Saturday but you can rest assured that when you’re in the company of Man Repeller, we’re thinking it — whatever it is — too.

Enter the above photos, shot last month in New York at Rosie Assoulin‘s stellar SS15 presentation, which took place at the Notre Dame school in the West Village (the decor included a full wall that was extemporarily tp’ed, because that’s the kind of irreverent genius Assoulin is), by Nicole Cohen and Courtney Velasco.

So before you get up, before you brush your teeth, before you think about laundry or how much you didn’t drink last night but could have (or conversely, I suppose, who that body next to you in your bed is…), let’s time travel back to September in New York and say it unison: it ain’t over ’til the mad hat sings.

And between you and me, I don’t think it has vocal chords.

What Should I Wear to The CFDAs?

In approximately four hours, a relatively large slew of men and women who are in some way tied to the institution of fashion will convene at Lincoln Center in creative black tie to applaud a handful of hugely talented designers who are slated to win awards delegated by the Council of Fashion Designers of America. Instagram will receive an award, too — for not just moonlighting but frankly becoming a very reliable source of news within fashion. That award will be presented by Kim Kardashian.

In spite of the seminal moments that tonight will invariably supply, one thing many people likely don’t realize is that it could signify something else entirely. Something…stark.

How? What? Why? Well, if I don’t figure out what to wear, the night will also go down, at least in the photo album that is my mother’s memory as the night that Man Repeller’s Leandra Medine approached Alice Tully Hall, nipples a-blazing and bikini line unkempt and possibly too, got arrested for public nudity.

So, please, make like the sisters I have always assumed you to be and decide for me: what in the good name of green faille flaps should I wear tonight? If you were me and the above photos were your options, would you go the “elevated gardner” route or accept that your arms and chest will probably never look as fit again (I have done pilates like four times in the last two months!) and as such should be galvanized?

Pray. Tell.

Speaking of social media as a reliable news source, Caitlyn Jenner’s Vanity Fair  cover was released on Twitter. Speaking of “creative black tie,” here’s how to do your hair for such an event with little effort. Click here to see the current CFDA incubator class. You know who else has been recognized by the CFDA? Rihanna.

Caitlyn Jenner Introduces Herself on the Cover of Vanity Fair

We’ve covered The Kardashians ad nauseam: that time Kim tried to break the Internet, her  Vogue  cover, her style, her style again, then the evolution of Kendall. But now it’s time to talk about a different member of the family: the one with the story to tell.

At the time of publication, #CallMeCaitlyn is the number 1 trending organic hashtag on Facebook and Twitter. This hashtag represents a seminal inflection point for the former Bruce Jenner — now re-birthed as Caitlyn — who covers the July issue of Vanity Fair: no longer is he in the process of changing. She and her crucial pronoun have changed.

Caitlyn looks bold and proud and downright gorgeous while wearing a white bodysuit with a brazen pose. Annie Leibovitz’ lens captured the smirking Jenner, whose muscular thighs remain a focal point of the shot. They could have been cropped so as to focus on Caitlyn’s new bust. However, Jenner’s remain a keepsake of her former Olympic life; a tribute to all that she accomplished; a reminder of how closely physical power is connected to mental strength.

The cover broke with a blunt tweet from the Vanity Fair account (possibly perpetuating Twitter’s most recent status as the source for breaking news): “Caitlyn Jenner poses for Annie Lebovitz on the cover of Vanity Fair.”

Shortly following, VF tweeted a quote by Jenner from the interview that has not yet been released for public consumption: “I’m not doing this to be interesting, I’m doing this to live.”

In the minutes that have passed, streams of tweets have been submitted under the hashtag to glowing 140-character reviews. And it’s true — Caitlyn looks great. She espouses a level of femininity that many of us struggle to achieve, but of course, that’s not the real story. The real story is about bravery. Change. Self-love. Acceptance.

What’s equally impressive is Caitlyn’s no-bullshit-no-sell-out attitude about her sex change. In lieu of accepting the hefty price tag that could have come with a more commercial cover story, the sense is that the celebrity step-parent of insurmountable Kardashian fame seemingly favored guaranteed intellect, the possibility of feeling understood over whatever financial upswing would have been inferred from the more capitalistically-driven option of reveal, which adds an incredibly dynamic layer to the humanity and vulnerability of Jenner.

But we want to hear what you have to say, too.

Will this cover engage us to think about Caitlyn Jenner in a way that is more emblematic of Vanity Fair’s principle and policy (politically, intellectually) than if it were to have debuted on the cover of, say, People Magazine?

Does this turn a new leaf for what we consider to be emblematic of the American Family, of our conception of the American Dynasty, as a reflection of various movements? Consider monumental Vanity Fair covers of the past, like that of The Kennedys or The Clintons, as Emma Hager points out.

Is it merely a coincidence that Jenner appears in a white body suit so reminiscent of the style American icon Marilyn Monroe was frequently photographed in, or is it with purpose? This cover was released on June 1. The late Marilyn Monroe’s birthday.

Finally, is there something to Caitlyn’s name choice? A separation, finally, from the Kardashian klan? You’ll note that Caitlyn very loudly, obviously and purposefully does not begin with K.

— Written by Leandra and Amelia

Read more about gender politics and fashion here. Read about Kim and Kanye on the cover of Vogue here, and check out our Round Table on Kim Kardashian’s infamous Paper Magazine cover, here.

Fear of Being Cliché

Ever since realizing that many of the characteristics I’d always assumed to be unique and special to me were, disconcertingly, not, I became chronically terrified that my entire existence is nothing more than a cliché.

I’ve always wished that I was a Gryffindor.

I’m unwarrantedly and anxiously traumatized by the thought of turning 25.

I love a good uplifting key change, (but will settle for a gut-wrenching bass drop).

I’d choose dark chocolate over orgasms; baguettes over boys; puppies over humans; Ryan Gosling.

I turn to Whitney Houston when I’m drunk, Billy Joel when I’m driving, and I often talk about the prospect of getting a subtle tattoo on my foot in a different language that’s understated-but-also-super-cute-and-still-totally-timeless.

[Insert emoji of someone gagging him/herself here.]

Moral of the non-existent story: I am that which I fear — nothing more than a 24-year-old series of walking clichés.

And yet, believe it or not, the most disturbing part about the above realization is not the plethora of identifiable “cliché” examples within myself, but instead, the intangible mystery surrounding the idea that maybe everything I’ve ever done and ever will do is, in fact, a repeat.

For example: remember in 5th grade, when Danny went on an awkward movie date with your best friend instead of you, and you ran to your basement (where your collection of pop star-themed blow up furniture lived) and listened to “2 Become 1” on repeat while clutching a transparent, glitter-filled plastic pillow — convinced that you were the first/only/last one to ever feel so much pain?

Remember how alone you felt?

Everyone nod in unison.

What does it mean? Are we all resigned to accept that every seemingly-independent impulse we’ve had was an unavoidable rerun of someone else’s earlier experience? Will it always be the case that the insightful quote I frantically typed into my iPhone Notes in a moment of wild inspiration (so philosophical), or the sporadic romance I had with the introspective bassist from a foreign band (real free spirit), or the impulsive, impractical move I made to run away to NYC from Wisconsin (Midwestern girl gone rogue) have all been said/had/done 1,000(,000)(,000) times before?

Could this inherent fear be the impetus behind the American millennial’s “Basic” phenomenon?

Maybe we’re all just so unbelievably relieved to be able to transform the abstract and deep-rooted fear that our whole lives are cliché into a few, very distinct and simple offenses. Maybe naming these items (seasonal Starbucks lattes, leggings) reduces self-doubt: if we were cliché, surely it would manifest itself in one of these key forms.

It distracts us from having to consider that the originality of every thought we’ve ever had could be called into question.

And yet, maybe the solution is not denying that the majority of my life is derivative of others and thus using inane attributes (like an affinity for pumpkin) as scapegoats for my anxieties. Perhaps it’s most cathartic to accept that while singular thoughts and desires (team Gryffindor) are certainly “cliché” in isolation, contextualizing them within the framework of my entire life and personal experiences eliminates the “cliché,” and makes them…me.

Check out author Gabrielle Pedriani’s website here. Illustrations by Cedric Villain, Wildfox Couture, and Tim’s Prints

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When does style become “you?” If you’re not sure either, these women and men may have it figured out. Moms seem to have it figured out, too. Speaking of basic, can bros be basic too? Join the convo.

Jean Stories’ Jane Bishop Has the Best Denim Ever

Catch up on any closets you may have missed, like that of HarpersBazaar.com editor Joyann King, or jewelry designer Monica Sordo. If you’re hungry for food instead of clothes, check out our Fridge series, too. 

It is rumored that one does not choose the thug life but rather, the thug life chooses you. Similarly, one doesn’t set out to buy jeans for the purpose of wearing them on repeat; these jeans have a way of finding you.

For Jane Bishop, co-founder of Jean Stories and style director at Travel & Leisure, an unassuming pair with a detailed hem found their way into her rotation without any help from a GPS. (It’s usually called fate, but I’d imagine they heard of her style through the blue grapevine. She is, after all, known for her denim collection.) And after clicking through her closet full of chambray and loafers, it seems that the thug life found her just as easily: her cat is named Biggie — after Notorious.

Day 1

I started the week reorganizing my home office and all of my jeans (personal and sample stock). I wore my favorite AMO Denim Babes and an embroidered chambray shirt from Coast Wide, the best small-batch embroidered chambray shirt company that is sadly no longer.

Day 2

For a shoot I was doing in Brooklyn, I wore my custom Levi’s 501 CTs with a Velvet t-shirt, a lace overcoat from Zara, and the Prada penny loafers I took from my mom’s closet when I was 18, and still wear today. I love these shoes because the minute I put them on, no matter what I have on, it looks like something my mom would wear. They are totally transformative that way.

Day 3

My hair on days 1 and 2 was long for me, so I went to get it cut. Chelsey Pickthorn, who owns the Pickthorn salon in Bushwick, does my “hair shaping,” as she calls it. I wore my Seafarer Circe jeans, which I had tailored to hit me high above the ankle like the sailors used to wear them, and Chelsey wore patched boyfriends that she got at Forever21. Her jeans are cute, right? I thought so.

Day 4

I spent this day at the T+L offices. My cat Biggie’s absolute favorite thing is chilled, cooked shrimp, so when I got home, I gave him some while hanging out on the deck with my husband Justin, who took this pic. I wore my AMO denim Babes (again), a silk top from Protagonist (notice that it is not at all wrinkled, despite my having worn it for nine hours straight; thank you, designer Kate Wendelborn, you so get working girls), and a linen blazer from Zara, which is wrinkled, by contrast, which I like.

Day 5

Off to L.A. for the weekend. I wore my AMO Denim Babes (again, yes) a cashmere sweater from 6397, and slip-ons from 6397’s collaboration with Common Projects. My luggage: Vuitton and Vivier. Both of my Clare V bags (the white denim tote, and the spotted clutch inside it) are from the collaboration that Jean Stories did with Clare for Holiday ’15. I don’t leave town without them.

Day 6

My sister Kim, who lives in L.A., took this pic of me. I am wearing my Coast Wide shirt (again) and my brand new leather criss cross espadrilles from Soludos. My jeans, vintage Levi’s, are really special, actually – I got them at the Levi’s Eureka lab in San Francisco, and they’re a pair of 701s that were made in Levi’s’ now-closed sewing facility in Murphy, North Carolina in about 1977. The denim master who works there, Bart Sights, told me this about them, and I have every reason to believe he is right. I love these jeans as much as is possible to love a piece of clothing. A lot.

Follow Jean Stories on Instagram, Twitter, and check out the Jean Stories website here. Follow Jane Bishop on Instagram and Twitter, too. For more New York Closets, click here. Love jeans and want to know what they say about you? We’ve got that covered.

The Rat King

 

The pitter patter of my paw,

Is sure to scratch your floorboards raw.

I’ll nibble everything you own,

Wreak more havoc than a drone.

Vermin King of the East Village,

All the world is mine to pillage.

Then scamper back to Thompkins Park:

I’m Cinderella after dark.

Words by Emily Siegel, illustration by Gabi Anderson. Follow them both at Urban Ditty, and read their poems on MR, like this one about expensive hamburgers, this one about scary bouncers, and this one about that gluten-free life.

The Mile High Club Finds Middle Ground

There are few things worse in this world than biting into a piece of apple crumb cake when you thought you bought regular crumb cake, Morgan concluded.

Those were the kinds of thoughts Morgan had lately. Everything that happened to her was either the best thing, or the worst. Her friend Elliot said she lost her “middle game.”

He meant it in the social context — she was either the life of the party or a complete social recluse — but Morgan realized this was true for most things in her life. She couldn’t do anything “in the middle.” She either completed a 30-day Bikram yoga challenge and ate a clean diet, or she ate pasta every night and her only exercise was a five minute walk to work. She either read a new book each week and visited museums, or she only made time for scanning Instagram and watching the Bravo TV housewives. She either really loved people or she didn’t think about them at all.

Morgan placed her uneaten apple crumb cake in the seat pocket in front of her and decided to wait for a bite of Portugal’s famous pastry, pastel de nata, once she landed in Lisbon. The warm, creamy, flaky custard tart  would not disappoint her the way the apple crumb cake had. She’d consumed many pastels before and never bit into one that was something other than what it purported to be. Consistent.

They’re consistent, she thought. She continued to muse about the pastry’s texture — how it was at once tough, yet vulnerable; how the custard tastes sweet, but not annoyingly so — until she noticed the man next to her was sobbing. She glanced at the movie on the screen in front to see what was making this grown man weep.

To Morgan’s surprise, it was Anchorman 2.

She had just listened to a “This American Life” podcast about people —both men and women — who inexplicably cry on airplanes while watching movies that wouldn’t ordinarily make them cry, like Sweet Home Alabama and Miss Congeniality.

Maybe that’s it, Morgan wondered. Not wanting to be intrusive, she went back to thinking a Portugal, but her thoughts were interrupted again by the man’s loud sobs.

​

​“Excuse me, are you all right?” Morgan asked.

​

“This is embarrassing,” the man replied. “I don’t know why I’m crying. This only happens to me on ​planes.”

​“Don’t worry,” she said. “I just listened to a podcast about this. Let it out. No judgment.”

​He laughed. “Thanks. I’m going to pretend that I don’t feel completely emasculated right ​now.”

Morgan laughed too and was secretly grateful that the man’s unexplainable tears created a reason for the two of them to talk.

​“I’m Francisco,” he said. “Since you’ve seen me cry, I guess you should know my name, ​right?”

​“Morgan. Nice to meet you.”

As Morgan extended her hand towards Francisco, she had thoughts of touring Lisbon with him and of the two sharing a pastel.

Ugh, just play it cool, she thought to herself, and she tried to find her middle game.

This sounds like the beginning of an It’s Kind of a Funny Story, doesn’t it? Click here for real life meet-cutes. OR, click here for past Writers Club entries. Want to submit a story to this week’s prompt? It’ll make you hungry. And just remember, we don’t all wind up as lucky as Middle Morgan. 9 times out of 10, you’ll wind up sitting next to one of these A-holes.

Photo by Jamie Nelson for Madame Germany Magazine

ICYMI: This Was the Week for Personal Style

It was also the kind week in which every day felt like a Monday. We eased into Tuesday slowly, like treading water. At least we had on really cute swimsuits.

Getting dressed is one of life’s simplest pleasures unless, of course, your brain feels like it’s been whacked by a mole. In which case getting dressed feels like brushing teeth, because we all know that just pulling them is easier.

If this is the case for you, take a cue from Meredith Kahn and opt for the simple black tank and jeans. Denim is always a good idea, as evidenced by cult clothing shop owner, Maryam Nassir Zadeh’s impeccable arsenal. Still struggling? Take a cue from the boys. We promise, the swag is real.

You never know when you’re going to meet the love of your life. And you don’t want to be wearing a bandage skirt when you do. Thankfully, that ship has long sunk. Try these five trends instead. Oh and duh, always carry a razor.

If you feel like your personal style button needs a refresh, come shopping with us. We’re going to hit up the nearest sample sale, armed with the only five things a woman needs to succeed. Yes, we’re that ambitious. Just please, don’t come hungry. We don’t want anyone going all “Moody Bitch” on us.

Header image shot by Tommy Ton for Style.com

MR Round Table: The Evolution of Personal Style Blogs

Leandra Medine: When you told me you were in town I thought this could be a great opportunity to sit down and talk about the evolution of personal style blogs. Your site and mission have changed so much since you launched Gary Pepper Girl — as has Man Repeller’s — so I wanted to get your perspective on that evolution. I don’t really know your full story, though. When did you launch the site?

Nicole Warne, Founder of Gary Pepper Girl: I actually started in e-commerce. I had been planning my business for around six months while interning full time at places like Grazia and Harper’s Bazaar. Then I launched my eBay store, and after about eight weeks it was doing so well that I quit everything

About four months later it was registered as a company and had staff, and we transitioned to our own e-commerce site. It was called Gary Pepper Vintage.

LM: Sort of similar to Nasty Gal’s beginning.

NW: Yeah, exactly. Then we transitioned to our own site, and it grew really quickly, and it was basically the largest online vintage retailer in Australia.

AD: When you started on eBay was your intent to start a company, or did it start it as a hobby?

NW: It was kind of just something that I started for myself, I guess. I never expected it to grow so quickly. But at the time, vintage was a trend and eBay stores were very accessible. It was really right-place-right-time. I launched my blog, Facebook and Twitter all on the same day as my eBay store, and with the whole social media phenomenon, it just exploded. I was getting a lot of commercial opportunities and I found that I had to make a choice because I couldn’t really scale my online store with vintage pieces, so I needed investors, and had to find out how to change the strategy.

It kind of became this machine. I’d never been overseas, so the first holiday I took was in 2011 to New York Fashion Week. Then when I met everyone, I realized that I could grow my brand through different platforms. When I figured out that I could make money through these different platforms, I closed the store. That was about three years ago. By then I had already built my customer base, or what we call a community.

I feel like I kind of did the opposite of other bloggers. A lot of people begin their personal blogs as a hobby and then transition into something else. Whether it’s product, or e-commerce or an agency that acts as an “umbrella” of services. I started with product and then transitioned into a full-time blog.

LM: A lot of people look at their personal sites and think “How am I going to scale this?” and that’s why they start thinking about taking different avenues.

NW: Yes. Like scale the content, but then also the collaborations. Everyone has a different business plan. Because I went from e-commerce into a personal blog, I realized that the one thing I struggled with the most wasn’t the transition — my community came with me and they were so supportive, accepting, and they loved everything that we were doing — it was more the industry perspective. In the beginning my interviews were about being an entrepreneur and building a business from the ground-up. Now it’s like, “Oh, you have a blog,” followed by an eye roll. But “blog” is really another word for “business.”

LM: You know, sometimes I wonder if the whole negative connotation tethered to the concept of blogging is sort of a feminist issue. And people don’t take it seriously because it’s an industry largely run by women?

AD: From an outside perspective…say you were at a bar or something and you said to someone that you were a blogger, it’s almost like the 21st-century version of being a homemaker. Or at the very least it’s perceived that way. Like “sure, she has a blog, but it’s not a real job.” But as we’ve seen, it’s a 24/7 job. It’s a job that you don’t get to shut your computer and leave your desk for, you know?

NW: Well, in that way I guess it is kind of like being a homemaker because it’s like you have a child.

LM: Do you ever feel “otherized” as an Asian Blogger? I think about the sites that have really catapulted themselves to success — or the counts I should say — and it tends to be a pretty homogenous group of white girls.

NW: I’ve honestly never felt that. I am thinking of some of the girls off the top of my head that have quite large accounts, and I would say that a lot of them to come to mind are white, but there are quite a lot of Asians as well. I just don’t know if it makes a difference.

AD: I’ve never thought, “Oh my favorite Asian blogger is…” or “Oh, my favorite white blogger is…” It’s just: “one of my favorite bloggers.” I don’t think these categories exist in the personal style industry they do in the general world. Or maybe I am just begin very naive right now.

LM: How important do you find your brick and mortar — well, it’s not brick and mortar obviously — website relative to your mobile strategy?

NW: Well, my website is incredibly important, but I think, for me, I am not at the same point as Man Repeller. Like I need to also scale the content — get more contributors. So for me the website has been a focus but also building out the Gary Pepper Aesthetic as its own entity, if that makes sense — which the website plays a part, social media plays a part — but that’s kind of the direction that I take is that Gary Pepper can kind of creative a number of services for a brand. It’s that I can create content that doesn’t necessarily live on the site, I can create content for a client with these services and it can live on their platforms or their advertising strategy. If that makes sense.

LM: Do you ever find yourself feeling disheartened when people recognize you solely from Instagram as opposed to the larger website that you’ve built?

NW: No, no. Not at all. If anything, Instagram is such a large focus for me because you can grow so quickly. It’s kind of like a news outlet now. It’s the first thing you check when you wake up and the last thing you check when you go to sleep. And it’s something that I can update far more frequently than my website.

LM: The reason I asked if it was disheartening is because it was disheartening for me at first — I had a hard time letting go of words as the traditional and only way to share a story but I am coming to terms with it. Because we are storytellers, right? Where our stories are heard loudest is where we need to tell them and right now that is through, say, Snapchat and Instagram. The thing with personal style bloggers though, is that I sort of feel like they aren’t really being umbrellaed under the fashion industry anymore, right? Like, there’s fashion and then there’s shopping. And [the personal style bloggers] fall into the shopping industry.

AD: Fashion bloggers in the beginning — Tavi, Bryanboy, Jane Aldridge — they were people who loved and consumed and lived fashion, but were either so young that it wasn’t even a dream yet to “be in fashion,” or were so far removed from the industry that blogging was their way to participate. These were the first bloggers to attend NYFW, who entered the industry from a different door.

Now, people aren’t using blogs just to find their unique way into the fashion industry. They are entering it to be a blogger. 

LM: Generation-wise, blogging has become the equivalent to reality-TV stardom, too. There are so many celebrities being bred out of Instagram. I wonder if all of that is sustainable.

NW: Personal style blogging has been around for so long now that unless you evolve into the next phase, I don’t know if you remain relevant. I think you can engage with your audience, but unless you grow it at the same rate that you did, say, a year or two ago, everything slows down. You’re following someone’s life and if you sit still and do the same things for so long it becomes uninteresting. We are all consumers. I follow people and get excited when they’re approaching the next chapter. Blogs are like diaries, so there should be a constant evolution.

LM: The thing about Instagram is that it has facilitated and perpetuated this consistent ability to discover. We are always discovering things like jewelry or swim brands on Instagram. But after a certain point, what you discover is no longer discovery, you know? It’s not fresh or exciting anymore, and you are more inclined to let it fall by the wayside. But how do you get past point?

AD: Think of people who “discover” bands. There people who thrive off of discovering bands and who are OCD about it — they need to know the next band, then the next. But, there also are people who take lots of pride in having discovered their one band. Those people will love that band their entire lives.

I think that that’s similar to bloggers. There are still the people who are either of the discovery camp and “I need to know who the next blogger is,” and then there are going to be people who are ride-or-die, old-school fans for life.

LM: This conversation about the evolution of personal style blogs, it doesn’t quite get old because we are at a funny inflection point where many of the personal style blogs are no longer operating as such. The ones that are, are largely powered by Instagram, proving that Instagram can be monetizable in a very meaningful way.

Then there are the bunch who go the other route to build media companies, like we are trying to do with Man Repeller. Or product lines like Rumi Neely is doing with her clothes (which are awesome by the way). I guess it’s hard to talk about the evolution of personal style blogging because–

NW: We’re still going through it.

LM: Right. We’re in the process of evolution and we’re not humans yet, we’re still in monkey-mode, you know?

NW: Everyone has come very far in the space of three to five years. But I agree. I think everyone still has a long way to go, and everyone is kind of just making it up as they go. When people ask for entrepreneurial advice, I tell them to be realistic and map out what makes your brand unique, and how you’re going to compete with a huge marketplace. I honestly believe that people that have started such successful companies have that desperation that they cannot fail. I feel as though you really need that as a key ingredient to be successful. You can’t teach motivation and passion.

I always advise people: “If you have a dream and it is realistic, go for it. If it doesn’t work out, you’ll get another 9 to 5 job.” But that’s just my story.

Follow Nicole on Instagram here and check out her website here. Feature image by Tommy Ton for Style.com. 

In Defense of Not Being a “Moody Bitch”

“Are Drugs Stifling Women?”

That question has pervaded my Facebook feed since author Julie Holland wrote an opinion piece for CNN about women’s tendency to turn towards self-medication rather than self-expression. The article was a plug for her book, “Moody Bitches: The Truth About the Drugs You’re Taking, the Sleep You’re Missing, the Sex You’re Not Having, and What’s Really Making You Crazy.” In it, Holland points to women’s “natural moodiness,” but instead of labeling it as a defect, she argues the benefits of reactive hormones.

“There is a biological advantage to this sensitivity,” Holland writes. “We need to know what our nonverbal babies need, what our mates are thinking and to sense danger in our surroundings.” According to Holland, our female-specific mood swings help us be more compassionate, intuitive, and alert, but women are shamed by society into hiding their feelings or stifling them with anti-anxiety medication or anti-depressants. She suggests we cry openly and feel deeply, both in our personal lives and in the workplace.

I should easily be the target audience for this book. Not only can I generate an abnormal amount of tears without any prompt, but I also went to an all-female university where I was surrounded by like-minded women who encouraged and validated one another and most importantly, made each other feel like everything we said, felt or thought mattered.

There’s just one problem — I graduated. I live in the real world now. That means I have way less time for feelings, literally. Post-college, you can’t kick back on your extra-long twin bed, listen to Band Of Horses and weep for hours. Your swirling emotions have to sit back burner to your 9 to 5, and this means they can crop up at strange, inopportune times.

During my first job in LA, I burst into tears when my new boss showed me pictures of his family dog. His living, completely healthy dog. It was awkward and tied to PMS, plus I was homesick for my own family across the country. It had nothing to do with how I felt about my job. It taught neither one of us about anything, except that maybe I was not a safe person with whom to share family memories.

I could share thousands more examples like this — times when I’ve fought with loved ones as an outlet for my dissatisfaction at work, or yelled at my roommate because of outside stress. Yet through all of that, rarely was there a moment when I wiped the snot off of my face and thought: this is my strength.

Mostly, my emotional outbursts just messed with my personal and professional relationships.

So I disagree with Holland: succumbing to waves of emotion doesn’t work in adulthood. I don’t think abusing Xanax or repressing your feelings work either — we all saw Gone Girl, we know how that ends. Rather, I suggest a self-enforced degree of reflection. A policing of your inner “moody bitch,” which Tony Schwartz describes in his New York Times opinion piece, “The Importance of Naming Your Emotions.”

Schwartz suggests we practice simply naming our emotions and unpack what’s driving us crazy. I am mad. I am frustrated. “By naming [your feelings] out loud,” he writes, “we are effectively taking responsibility for them, making it less likely that they will spill out at the expense of others over the course of a day.”

While I’d love to believe that my biology has made me prone to smart, female superpowers the world has been misunderstanding for years, I don’t. People, men or women, fall victim to spurts of extreme emotion. Evolution has given us the tools to mediate between our egos and our ids so we can have those feelings and get on with our lives, or in Schwartz’s words “simply notice my emotions without feeling compelled to act on them.” Now that sounds like a superpower I can aspire to.

But what do you think?

We used “The B-Word” in this article and we’ve Round Tabled it before. Click here to join the discussion. If you’re into this article, you may also be interested in How to Spot a Feminist.

Image via Antidote Magazine