Leandra Medine's Blog, page 620

What’s the Point of Wet Hot American Summer?

Answer me this: is there anything more stressful than sitting next to a friend who is watching a movie you treasure? You anticipate favorite scenes to see if she laughs, side-eye her to make sure she’s paying attention. You mouth along with lines not because you want to show off, but because you want your friend to adopt these quotes, too.

Worse is the soul crushing moment when the credits roll and she tells you, “I don’t get it.”

This just happened to me with a friend who’d never seen Wet Hot American Summer. In anticipation of today’s Netflix series release, I sat her down in front of the movie and audibly stress-breathed like that guy from Hey Arnold. When it was over, her reasoning wasn’t that she didn’t like the movie but rather, “There’s just no point.”

BUT THAT’S THE POINT.

Very rarely is an argument won without a point. You can stop a fight by saying, “There’s no point,” and then everyone’s like, “Oh you are so right, let’s hug.” You can interrupt a Scantron test with the same sentence, too, by holding up your broken led pencil and being the asshole who forgot to bring — per the directions — at least two No. 2s. But to be the victor in a dispute when your thesis statement is “X is good because there’s no point” — that takes dedication to the craft of proverbial snapped writing utensils.

Yet I stand by my reasoning: some of the best movies have “no point.” Think about Fast Times at Ridgemont High, Dazed and Confused or Metropolitan. Things happen, conversations happen, but at the same time…kind of nothing happens. It’s the anti-sitcom, the opposite of formulaic. It’s just kids going on with their life. For the movies, it’s weirdly real.

Wet Hot American Summer is a parody of this genre. It’s set in the 70s, it revolves around sexually charged teens who live in a bubble; there’s even a whole drugs and alcohol montage: the coming-of-age-requisite in these kinds of films. (Why? As the cliché goes, because there was nothing else to do.) But parodying the theme of pointlessness doesn’t negate the fact that Wet Hot American Summer still has none — and that’s why it’s good. That’s why it’s so loved.

Maybe the point is just to make people laugh. I’ve got to assume that will be the Netflix angle. But still, sometimes the most satisfying answer to the question, “Why are you laughing?” is an honest, “I don’t know.”

(Now, since it’s Friday and none of us are focusing, tell me the movie that makes you most nervous to watch with someone. Does it have it point? Do good movies have to? Are you nostalgic for the way movies once were? Or are you like, “Amelia, you’re an absolute balloon — all I care about is the new Mission Impossible“?)

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Attn. All Writers! A Place to Share Your Dreams. Literally.

Welcome to this week’s Man Repeller Writer’s Club prompt. One of my favorite things about Man Repeller is that I’ve truly tricked myself into believing that together, we’ve established a platform that facilitates the sharing of our dreams. I, or Amelia, or any number of our hugely talented freelance writers share our piece, then you add yours and together we construct what has (at least in my mind’s eye) become the profoundly prolific vision that encompasses Man Repeller. We live in a Utopic digi-ciety, friends! Where we can say what we want, produce our own weird mandates (banned word lists, camel toe take-backs, man bun cogitations) and declare dieting a labor of love that ends in basketball jerseys.

But for the sake of hyper-literalization, just this one time, let’s forget the dreams we’ve consciously cultivated and tap into the subconscious conundrums that arise while we slumber with this question: what’s the weirdest dream you’ve ever had? Were your teeth falling out? Did a tidal wave eat you up and then transport you into a sort of garden that grew bucket hats as opposed to vegetables and flowers?

One time, while dormant, I had my tongue cut out of my mouth by a Roman man who was using me as an indicator that he was about to take over New York. My hair was set on fire and a helium balloon was shoved up my ass. And then up I went, across New York City, for everyone to see. I landed by the shores of Watermill near Bridgehampton and ran to a nearby museum where I yelled, “THE ROMANS ARE COMING, RUN FOR COVER.” Next thing I knew, I was inside a whale’s stomach eating candy I didn’t even want and before I could say, “There’s aspartame in that,” I was awake.

And that’s just the abridged digest, folks. But I digress. Now share yours! You know da drill: ~500 words (or a poem! Illustrated story book! Video compilation!) to be submitted to write@manrepeller.com by next Thursday, August 6th at 12 p.m. EST.

I’m so excited to connect with what happens to you while you sleep. TTYL!

Photograph via Buzzfeed, Feature Photograph by Davide Sorrenti

 

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Five Cool Things to Buy Under $100

Have you ever woken up in the middle of the night, had a brilliant idea, wrote it down so you’d remember the next day and then, in the morning, had ZERO CLUE WHAT YOU WERE TALKING ABOUT?

Just happened to me. Except with Leandra.

In the back-end of the program that we use to write and publish stories I noticed a pending post titled, “Five Cool Things to Buy Under $100.” Curious, I opened it, but found only a list of hyperlinks and zero context.

Because it’s Leandra I expected shoes, maybe some strange pants and definitely something denim — something cohesive one could immediately make an outfit or story out of, but nope.

The first link was to a ukulele.

Yup. Like the instrument Israel Kamakawiwo’ole favors.

The second: a transparent plastic rotary phone clutch. K.

The third: a pair of lace-up shorts. Oh! How nice of your sanity to join us, Leandra!

Followed by a Western belt (the above shorts have no loops) and a multicolored sparkle-knit tank that I think Farrah Fawcett once wore roller skating.

…LEANDRA, WHAT?

Either she does, in fact, want you to wear the striped top with the high waisted shorts, wrap the belt around your head like Quail Man, don a pair of roller skates, use the rotary phone purse to call your friends’ landlines and invite them to a family band skate-along with you as lead ukulele-ist, or…

She just wants you to have fun. It’s still summer, remember?

Don’t worry. We’ll keep reminding you.

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Chia’s Moot Point: Are They Good or Are They Bad?

A reliable source (my mother) recently shared the story of her friend’s daughter’s chia plight.

It went like this: said friend’s daughter had been on a quest to lose weight and as such followed a distinctly regimented eating routine for the whole of six months before beginning to experience severe stomach aches that manifested first as period cramps, then gas, then a big question mark that could have, with the right dose of neuroses, led to a number of hypothetical ailments, some of which — terminal. MFD (mom’s friend’s daughter) rightfully decided it was time to nip the question mark in its curved spine and visited a doctor who specialized in gastrointestinal pain.

She explained her symptoms and he dutifully recommended she get an MRI, which she did. And when the results came in, so did a little demon named Every Healthy Eater’s Nightmare. MFD had been eating so many raw chia seeds since she changed her diet that some of them found the environment so hospitable, they began to grow roots on her organs.

As in, SHE WAS BECOMING A HUMAN CHIA PET. Rumor now has it she is scheduled to undergo a surgery that will remove the seeds and their roots from her intestines, and all I (empathetic narcissist that I am) can think is that I eat chia seeds like, 3/7 mornings a week for breakfast.

This is precisely where my Persian mother would step in to remind me that Americans do not understand a very vital concept for long term survival — moderation — and that as long as I’m not sprinkling raw chia seeds over everything that I eat I am most likely in the clear. But I can’t help ask, if every nutritionist both under and over the sun are recommending chia consumption, citing exactly zero negative side effects and yet someone is growing a freaking internal chia plant, how “good” could they possibly be?

Personal horror stories welcome. I’m reverting back to Oreos.

Illustration by Hannah Kellner.

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Navigating Womenswear Through the Lens of Men’s Fashion Week

If you think you know everything there is to know about fashion and you’re looking to feel humbled, try walking into a room at Men’s Fashion Week. The experience is pleasantly foreign — like stepping into a museum replete with paintings you’ve never seen.

At Cadillac’s New York Men’s Day, I found myself surrounded by the names of young designers and labels of whom I was distinctly unfamiliar — Kenneth Ning, Matiere, Fingers Crossed, Carlos Campos, Eponymovs. Their presentations were set up in separate rooms like galleries, and as I walked through each I tried to solidify an opinion.

Had the designers been different — had I known them — my words would have come immediately: “True to the brand’s identity…”; “a slight departure from last season”; etc.

But because they were new, I got to play. I allowed myself to look at the clothes like an outsider, wondering what would I wear?

So what would I wear? At Kenneth Ning, the geometric paisley — a pattern that also showed up at Orley.

But “my look“ at Ning was really the yellow three piece suit —  the Wes Anderson color of summer, revamped during the Resort 2015 in a shade that we called marigold. It also appeared at 3.1 Phillip Lim and Fingers Crossed, where palm trees flanked surf shorts and the Saint Laurent Men’s California skaters trend was further validated. Let’s not forget that for at least a few seasons, Rosie Assoulin has had longboards on her mind, too. (See also: my pants in Office Apropos.)

A sidebar note to self per the aforementioned Fingers Crossed: try out mismatched socks

At Matiere, I claimed the light blue bomber jacket (a shade that also popped up at Calvin Klein).

At Carlos Campos, I had my eye on the outerwear with loosely-tied waist belts and not — very Bianca Jagger.

Finally, at Eponymovs, I felt understood by an all-khaki look with boob-flap pockets. And seeing as the shade was on display up at Calvin, Ralph Lauren, Lim, and Michael Kors, I’d say with conviction that khaki is bhaki. Just add a white tee shirt.

Am I now fluent in the field of emerging menswear? Not quite. but we already know that fashion is a universal language. While we’re not always familiar with the technicalities of a certain dialogue, the moment we connect with a piece and make it ours, we find understanding through the context.

What would you wear?

In partnership with Cadillac

Photographs courtesy of designers and Style.com

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Women Take Back the Man Bun

Question: Have you noticed many of your female friends trotting along as though goldfish in an ocean with sumo-style buns clipped to the top of their head as though actually clipped and not merely tied?

Ditto. Same. Retweet.

Another question: Have you been thinking to yourself, man those look a lot like [insert former man here]’s buns even though they are actually half-dos since there remain solid chunks of locks cascading down the shoulders of the wearers?

Ditto. Same. Retweet.

Last question: Are you wondering if there is an element of taking back imbued with the most recent hairdo to sweep the Lower East Side? Furthermore, is it possible that you could show up for dinner north of 59th street with such a style tacked onto your head and feel comfortable about your positioning within society at large?

Did I lose you? Can I tell you a secret?

I

Lost

Myself.

But here’s the thing! Or rather, the important question! What in the good name of Pantene Pro-V is with this summer ‘do? It’s not like the convenience of keeping hair out of your face promotes or supports the more pressing convenience of keeping hair off your neck on a warm summer day. It’s also not exactly like wearing your hair in a half-up-do speaks so accurately to your conviction as an individual with unflinching ideals. The way I see it, half do-ers, no doubt members of generation half-do, enter murky territory for the philosophically-inclined with their hair that can’t make up its mind about what it wants to be — up, or down?

Of course, there is an argument to be made by the more optimistic; with the fell use of an elastic band, we can have it all! Hair up and hair down. Furthermore, is there a feminist undertone here? Is there ever not a feminist undertone to be extrapolated? Are we now taking back what is effectively ours: hair, buns and the multifarious corresponding styles to boot?

I continue to cogitate.

Have you noticed the pervasive nature of this trend, too? If you have, what do you think? Do you participate?  If you haven’t, there is no question that you now will and finally: what’s the deal with coyotes?

Photographed by Krista Anna Lewis

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Ask a French Girl…About Summer

You remember Laura, right? She’s our resident French girl. She’s given us brunch-etiquette advice, recommended how to handle the digital-dating landscape and now, in light of this 94-degree Wednesday, she’s back to share her intellect on the topic of summer drinking, summer dressing, summer ice cream eating and duh, summer flings.

Is “going away for the weekend” in Paris a thing?

It cannot be more French. It’s not a myth that Paris is a desert in August.

Also not a myth: it is my preferred time to go to museums, enjoy terraces, chat with tourists or have an ice cream on the Île de la Cité. Paris has all of its magic when the Parisians are gone — I think it’s okay to say so, since I am born and raised Parisian?

No? Ok maybe not.

You can get away with it. So, let’s say you stayed in the city and it’s hot.  What do you wear? The essentials.

I didn’t know I had “essentials” until you asked me that, but I do: the “Sunny Tees” from Club Monaco. I have them in every color — they’re my go-to when it’s more than 80 degrees. I pair them with my favorite vintage Calvin Klein high waisted blue denim jeans and flats. Add a navy blazer with a gold button to this and it’s the perfect office look.

Now, because you always have to be ready for some AC frozen moments: you need a sweater. I just got a crisp white one with a deep-v back that I love. I pair it with slightly cropped cotton boyfriend pants and sneakers.

Another good look: a blue chambray or cotton shirt paired with a high waist gingham or floral skirt.

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And a white poplin boyfriend shirt, flared jeans and K.Jacques sandals is the easiest option. Always.

For accessories, I love gold cuffs with any outfit for evening and I wear Gag & Lou necklaces all day, every day.

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Wait. You don’t wear shorts?

I like linen shorts for the beach!

But what about…when it’s hot?

Just because it’s hot doesn’t mean you act like you’re on the beach.

Summer fling: do or don’t? 

I’m not into flings. I think everyone should be able to have them because they’re fun, but I am too romantic. I don’t know how to do it. I’m better at organizing weekends for my friends than I am about managing flings.

If you do find yourself in a fling, make sure both people know it’s just that. Difficulty arises when only one person knows this. Yikes.

Do you eat ice or is it just a stereotype that French people don’t?

Eat ice? I am confused. Do you? What does this mean? It’s as abstract as saying, “drinking a cloud.”

Like ice cubes in drinks. In Coke. 

Oh! No. That’s so gross. But ice cubes are okay in rosé, because rosé should only be consumed cold. And the clicking noise sounds sooooo summery.

Any other summer drinking rules?

No but I have a life drinking rule: only have a glass of wine if you feel like one. And make sure it’s because you’re embracing a good moment. Wine and tears are for watching movies.

Feature image by Krista Anna Lewis

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Today is National Lipstick Day! Did You Know…

Dude, Maybe It’s Just Maybelline

In 1770, British Parliament banned lipstick. They saw it as a devilish attempt to trick men into marriage and deemed it witchcraft. Per The Guardian, “Women found guilty of seducing men into matrimony by a cosmetic means could be tried for witchcraft.” Hermione was unavailable for comment on the matter, though she later subtweeted the BP, “Wingardium Leviosa.” It’s witch-talk for, “Bye, Felicia.”

The Dementors’ Kiss of Death, However, is a Real Thing

Lipstick has been known to include poisonous, deadly materials. Read the labels and avoid any that have the skull emoji.

You Think Social Media Preference Shows Your Age?

In the 1920s, all the crazy kids wore lipstick. Their parents, however, did not. (Youths!) The generational disparity was so wide that the term “generation gap” was created, thus making lipstick the OG-equivalent of your parents joining Facebook in the year 2015 while your younger sister scoffs that, “No one even uses it anymore.” Kind of. Mark Zuckerberg for MAC, everybody!

A Presidential Pucker

According to the Huffington Post, George Washington wore lipstick. It’s probably because he got his portrait painted a lot and the Instagram filters back then sucked.

Speaking of Politics, People Keep Trying to Put Lipstick on Pigs

That came out wrong, but Time once wrote a history of the idiom “like putting lipstick on a pig” and it traces back to The Washington Post in November 1985.

Meanwhile, Elizabeth Arden Put Lipstick on Her Horses

It could be a rumor. The cosmetic company founder’s obituary read, “She treated women like horses and horses like women.”

Speaking of Horses…

The 2015 Triple Crown Winner is named American Pharoah, which is a misspelling of pharaoh (American is spelled correctly — I just double-checked!), which is an Ancient Egyptian ruler. And who’s the most famous Ancient Egyptian ruler of them all?

Cleopatra, comin’ atcha. And she made her lipstick with bugs. Crushed carmine beetles, to be exact.

Now When I Say Cleopatra, You Say:

Elizabeth Taylor! A famous quote of hers: “Pour yourself a drink, put on some lipstick, and pull yourself together.” Elizabeth Taylor and my grandma have that advice in common.

“Girl Power” is Much More Than a Cheeky Lip Stain Name

Women who wore red lipstick during the early 20th century were seen as prostitutes. WELL. Suffragettes were like, “Tell me what to do with my face. I dare you,” and wore a bright red shade during marches to take back the lipstick and reinterpret it as a symbol of emancipation and empowerment.

Final Fact: Jenna Lyons Can Put On Lipstick Without a Mirror

Add your own facts and shades and weird lipstick names to the list. AND, because so many good songs have them in the lyrics, upload a music video so we can lacquer up and sing along.

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What a Restaurant Owner Keeps in Her Fridge: Ashleigh Parsons of LA’s Alma

Ashleigh Parsons is the co-owner and creative director of Alma, a restaurant in downtown Los Angeles that stands out by blending in — or rather, by blending its surroundings into the food. The menu is inspired by “the landscape and terroir of Southern California,” designed to change around in-season produce and the best of what’s available from local and regional producers.

Not only does Parsons and Alma co-owner Ari Taymor make constant trips to farmers market, they pull from the restaurant’s own garden in Venice, LA, too.

As for her fridge at home? I promise you — it’s just as good.

1. Evian Spray: “It’s actually a running joke with us at Alma. I buy them in six-packs on Amazon. Frances, our sous chef, had the idea of putting them in the fridge so that it’s a cold mist on your face, so we spray it on our faces and at each other to cool down because the kitchen gets so hot.”

2. Kombucha: “I’m a big fan for the probiotics. I’ve dabbled in all different brands but Better Booch is my favorite — and it’s LA-based. The Goodnight Rose-flavored ones have a really strong black tea component.”

3. Turmeric: “I have Celiac disease, so I have a lot of allergies. Turmeric has been really helpful for me in terms of digestion and also dealing with rashes from the Celiac. This turmeric and lemon is from our neighbor, Naturewell. I would eventually like to make the turmeric at my house. Future goal…”

4. Wine! “I always keep a bottle in my fridge in case I’m invited to a dinner party or want to have friends over for a glass. This is from Donkey and Goat. They’re an urban winery in Berkeley, CA.”

5. Araucana Blue Eggs: “They’re from my favorite egg man at the Hollywood Farmers’ Market. The ones in my fridge are soft boiled eggs for snacking in the morning or the afternoon. They stay soft inside when you refrigerate them — it’s called the ‘seven minute egg.'”

6. Mini Apples: “These just came in from Laura at JJ’s; she’s at all of the farmers markets. I went there to get avocados, which she is known for, and I asked if they had anything they were excited about — it was these sweet and crunchy apples. The Arugula is from Kenter Canyon Farms.”

7. Figs: “These are special figs called candy stripe figs. How amazing is California produce?”

8. Fresh Smoked Trout with Herbs from Cookbook: “I like to snack on this. I work 14-16 hour days — a lot of my time is spent at Alma — so a lot of what’s in my fridge is on-the-go kind of stuff. But this I will throw on a salad, eat it with eggs, make a niçoise.”

9. Big Ice Cubes: “Definitely for ice water, but also for cocktails with friends because big ice cubes are the best ones. I tend to do more citrus-based drinks with tequila or gin.”

Cheers.

Images by Lauren Levinger of The Food Life. Follow her on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter, too!

Follow Ashleigh Parsons on Instagram and Alma Restaurant on Instagram and Twitter.

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The Parent Trap Queens

Today marks a milestone in our subconscious development: the release of the 1998 remake of The Parent Trap.

Take a moment to consider the influence this movie had on you. Do you find yourself craving Oreos with peanut butter? Have you ever tried crinkling a candy wrapper near the mouthpiece of your cell phone to fake poor connection? Do you occasionally daydream — yes, still — about reconnecting with your secret British twin?

Perhaps more than anything, this movie influenced your style. Think about the neck scarves! Shrunken oval sunglasses! Midi heels and button downs! And though you may not dress like Hallie or Annie, you’ve probably found yourself rooting for one twin over the other.

So to wish this flick a happy birthday — Lindsay Lohan and Lindsay Lohan, it’s all for you  — we present a royal display of our favorite Parent Trap lewks (Dennis Quaid, definitely into dad jeans because of yours) along with a bit of healthy does of sisterly sartorial competition.

And because everything goes better with a bit of music, Fetty Wap: take it away.

Round One 

Here, Hallie Parker proves that she can exhibit individuality while still confined to the narrow guidelines of a uniform. She gets three points for ordering a green silk bomber from the camp clothing catalogue. Bold.

Hallie, 3 pts. Annie: 0.

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Round Two 

Annie James, even though you confused the Wine Country for Texas, I love what you’ve done with Hallie’s wardrobe. Speaking French and dressing like John Wayne? Sounds like Saint Laurent, which earns you two points. You get two more for dealing with Cruella and not hitting it off with Sammy the dog. (I, too, am selective when it comes to pets). Four points total.

Hallie, 3 pts. Annie: 4 pts.

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Round Three 

Those shoulder pads make me want to ball my fists in excitement, too. London looks good on you. + 1 for Hallie.

Hallie, 4 pts. Annie: 4 pts.

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Round Four 

Annie, I’m beginning to think you were repressed prior to this role play adventure. With access to Hallie’s closet, you’ve jumpstarted the whole khakis thing and even gave yourself a slight camel toe with that amazing chain belt, analogous to those that swung on many a hip at Louis Vuitton F’15. Annie takes the lead with three more points.

Hallie, 4 pts. Annie: 7 pts.

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Round Five 

Big H is back in the Bay and honey, you never looked better. As any sister will tell you, put a lock on your closet door…Annie will snag that Bubble Yum frock along with your furry pink bag (Shrimps, is that you?) the second she gets a chance. Infinite points. But actually 6.

Hallie, 10 pts. Annie: 7 pts.

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Round Six

The twins take style cues from Wes Anderson too. Normally I’d give Annie shotgun because of her yellow Supergas, but remember: she borrowed those from Hallie’s Cali closet. And look at you Hal, feigning good behavior in that yellow gingham skirt and Peter Pan collar! Still, Dennis Quaid wins this round since he technically funded the Supergas.

Hallie, 10 pts. Annie: 7 pts. Dennis Quaid: 2.

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Round Seven  

Sister James was obviously behind this one — how much of her allowance did she blow to pay Hallie to wear matching Ralph Lauren shirts? Or maybe she took a more strategic approach and demonstrated the multifarious ways to wear a button down. Annie, two for you.

Hallie, 10 pts. Annie: 9 pts. Dennis Quaid: 2.

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Round Eight 

We love a good neck bandana and hate to play favorites, but yellow really is their color, so another fist pump for Hal. You’re good James, just not good enough. (Obviously kidding, I don’t even know which witch is which in this scene because Annie miraculously lost her accent after one summer).

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Assuming the yellow bandana points do go to Big H, we have a winner: Miss Hallie Parker.

Honorary Mentions 

Horn Girl!

Re-score as you see fit and assign your winner below!

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