Leandra Medine's Blog, page 589

How to Dress for a Cool Friend’s Wedding

This is the type of wedding where you already know the band is going to be awesome. The deejay following the band, once it gets late, will play a satisfying array of bad pop music for the sake of nostalgia and irony. She’ll play obscure tracks, too, and they’ll come on at just the right moments — like when everyone needs a break from dancing but wants to keep the buzz while they take a breather. Those lucky few with their phones alive or nearby will try to capture the song on Shazaam with great discretion. The rest of us will try to fake it and sing along.

There will be no mason jars. The floral arrangements will be inspired. They’ll probably do something creative for dessert, like doughnuts instead of cake. Their friends will give the best speeches. People will actually listen to the speeches. Ugh.

This couple is cool.

Which means that boring dress you’ve already worn to 100 different weddings — yes, that one — won’t cut it. It’s already been in 2 of your profile pictures. The dry cleaners are sick of steaming it. So what the hell do you wear?

I asked Leandra. I instantly regretted asking Leandra because our aesthetics are so different and she’s always trying to chase me out of my comfort zone and make me middle-part my hair. But sometimes a girl has got to take a risk, especially if Leandra threatens to fire her for the thousandth time.

Besides…she sort of knows what she’s doing, right?

First, the casual-optional option

Tibi burgundy dress, VEDA x Man Repeller military jacket, Jonathan Adler vase as purse, Ralph Lauren shoes, Monica Sordo and Lulu Frost necklaces

Leandra’s addition of the utility jacket was kind of genius (don’t tell her I said that) because it’s an easy-to-carry outfit neutralizer if you arrive and realize you misread the dress-code. Ohh, you said *not* fancy.

And if the situation’s reversed (Ohh, you said 100% *not* casual), you take it off and hide it on top of a candle!

Next, the conversation starter

Tome skirt and knit top (other metallic options here and here), Stella McCartney shoes (here’s another green option), Smythe coat

Shy is not the right word, but I can be a little, “I don’t want to talk to you.” Leandra knows that, so she gave me conversation starters.

“Cool thing on your head, what is that?” is easily answered with, “My festivities crown!”

“Hey, do you know I can see your bra?” is easily followed up with, “Let’s dance!”

And so forth.

Finally, balls to (the window) to the walls

Tibi pink sequin dress, Tibi sandals, Garrett Leight sunglasses, Junya Watanabe Comme Des Garçons black jacket

If teens do it for the Vine, then we can do it for the wedding hashtag. Ruffles, sequins, sideboob and sunglasses — anything you’d normally hide from, try it, because nothing is off-limits so long as you’re not wearing the same outfit as the bride.

As long as you’ve got that covered, you’re cool.

Photographed by Krista Anna Lewis

The post How to Dress for a Cool Friend’s Wedding appeared first on Man Repeller.

A Pregnant Pause

A funny thing: you spend the better half of young adulthood taking precaution against insemination — electively allowing foreign rubber into your most private orifice, consuming synthetic hormones to double up on that motivated measure or praying when you don’t — making deals with some deity about the outcome of your plan B. About a quarter of that time is spent celebrating the arrival of symptoms (fire-coming-out-of-your-ears frustration, chin pimples, tight pants) that confirm you’ve done it. You’ve succeeded to live another month without getting pregnant.

And then, one day, you decide you’re done with contraceptives. So you start “trying,” as they say. And you don’t quite understand what they mean by “trying” (high school effectively taught us that you can practically get pregnant from a member of the opposite sex so much as glaring at you, so be safe), but you do it anyway.

And then a year passes

And every time you have sex — which when done deliberately, and particularly with a partner you care for, is supposed to feel like the physical manifestation of what motivates humanity: to love and to feel loved — you turn over after the fact and you ask yourself: did I fail again?

And then you get what they mean when they say, “We’re trying.”

But see, here’s the thing. No one ever talks about that part. It’s kind of like getting married; I remember so vividly in the six months that led up to my wedding feeling so profoundly afraid that I thought I was making the wrong decision. No one told me about the anxiety that invariably circumscribes matrimony, about the relinquishment of selfishness — a hard, hedonistic right to surrender — that is inferred by the union. No one talks about how challenging it is to consider the nuances of on-boarding a second set of parents. Yours are hard enough. No one tells you that in the first six months you’re married, some mornings you wake up and feel like you don’t know the person next to you — because you kind of don’t! Yeah, sure, you dated for however many years (or months, or days, or hours! Whatever, I’m not judging), but they weren’t family.

And then everything begins to fall into place and life seems better than it ever did and you realize that you were clutching the past — holding on to what you knew out of fear of swinging forward into the unfamiliar cleavage of the future. And no one talks about it because you forget. Things get great, so you tuck it away until ultimately that incipient feeling becomes a memory that dissipates and you can barely remember how visceral it was.

But see, now that I’m “trying” — that it’s been 17 months since I told my ovaries to stop dropping those fucking eggs and just let them stick — I remember that feeling again, and it’s reminded me of another reason we don’t talk about it: shame.

You start to feel shame.

And this shame is tricky, you know, because often it clouds vision and distorts goals and removes us from that backroad that we’ve discovered as a shortcut down Route Happiness.

What they also don’t tell you is that everyone deals with this. My own conversations have confirmed as much. And don’t get me wrong, I get the whole jinxing thing — this is private and sacred and between you and your person, but what if you want to talk about it? Why can’t you? So far silence hasn’t helped me get any more pregnant, or feel any less ashamed.

So I’m trying to beat shame by talking about it. By answering honestly when I’m asked how I’m doing. The truth is, I’m frustrated. Annoyed that I have to haul ass to a fertility specialist on the Up-up-upper West Side almost every week for hormone-level checks. I feel vaguely useless and sorry that my husband has to have blood drawn so often, and I feel like a huge asshole because every time I hear that someone else is pregnant, my heart kind of tenses up and I start to tear and I feel like Carrie Bradshaw in that episode of Sex and The City where she delivers a poem at a wedding and starts to cry because she’s upset about her relationship with Big, but writes the tears off as wet drops of joy.

Mostly, though, I feel scared. Because as much as I want children — and believe me when I say that no thought is so comforting as the one that finds me communicating with human appendages that are as weird as I am — I can’t picture being a mom. And I wonder if that’s because I’m starting to doubt that, logistically speaking, I can be a mom. I’m self-aware enough (or have been seeing a therapist long enough) to understand that I’m only in the opening credits of my movie, so I know that realistically, everything will be OK. But until I’m there, and until it is, I refuse to feel shame. Because that’s the whole thing, right? There’s no shame in trying.

So we’ll keep trying.

Illustration by Meghann Stephenson. You can also follow Meghann on Instagram and Tumblr.

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The Instagram Post-Time Debate

Another important debate = street style.

I’ve never seen a room light up in flames faster than the one wherein an entire dinner table found itself divided over the best time to post on Instagram.

Picture a political debate between family members at Thanksgiving. Then amplify it, grab a helmet and take cover. Remind yourself that there are only so many sides to align with in politics (versus the Insta time-post debate, where there are hundreds). Factor in an endless supply of facts, propaganda and statistics, plus the entire history of America as a reference for argument-backing precedence, whatever the topic at hand. Let us not forget there is also Anderson Cooper.

Instagram timing is a bit more complicated. The numbers are there if you search for them: companies analyze this data to determine best practices whether they’re the advertiser, the publisher or the personality. But we the average Insta-using civilians? With our dog pics and skinny arms and group shots? We’re going on a feeling.

And it’s not only hard — it’s extremely loud — to argue against opinions backed by heart.

I learned the hard way. It was 12:00 am on a Saturday and my friends and I had finally gotten a non-blurry photo of our outfits. “Should I post this now or wait until the morning,” I asked. Their various POVs (unfounded in fact, disregarding that fact, basing their declarations on nothing other than a outliers of success) were as follows:

Post it now (Saturday night, but technically Sunday, 12 – 3 am)

“People are drunk and giving out free likes — especially people who would normally not.”

“This is a good time for exes to remember that you look great while they’re in a cab going home.”

“You don’t stress over captions and filters.”

Absolutely not (Same time, Saturday but actually Sunday, 12 – 3 am)

“You will look fucking weird. Why would you be looking at your phone at this time? Who is looking at their phone at this time??”

Dead zone  (Sunday, 3 – 6 am) 

Universally agreed upon. “Sketchy.”

Pics out for the farmers (Sunday, 6 – 8 am)

“You catch those ‘I can’t sleep in when I drink people’ (and the sketchy west coast crowd). People are more giving with comments at this time because they’re bored.”

Dead zone (Same time, Sunday, 6 – 8 am)

“No way. People are sleeping. Wait an hour or it’s a missed opp.”

Sneaker committee (Sunday, 9 am – 12 pm )

“You catch everyone running errands or working out before brunch.”

Peanut allergy gallery  (Same time, Sunday 9 am – 12 pm)

“No way. People up at this time are running errands, they’re distracted and busy, so they scroll but don’t like. They definitely don’t comment.”

Zombie status, Sunday afternoon, 12 – 2 pm

“Everyone’s at peak hangover exhaustion, still too dead to watch TV but too bored to sleep. Anything before this and people are still knocked out.”

Don’t bother, Sunday afternoon, 3 – 6 pm

“People are day drinking and not looking at their phones.”

In between commercials, Sunday night, 6 – 11 pm

“Great for alleviating Sunday Scaries.”

“Everyone is scrolling on Insta to cope with the Terrors.”

“For anyone with Sunday Blues.”

“That end-of-weekend denial.”

Monday morning, 8:30 – 10 am, “def not 7.”

“The weekend’s officially over so everyone’s depressed. It’s when everyone checks. Gotta be at the top of their feed.”

Then a whole work week time table begins…

So, pyros, the next time conversation between friends feels a little too amicable, pose the question, “When’s the best time to post an Instagram?” and watch the fire start.

Consider this the spark: Which side of the table are you on?

Illustration by Joseph Amar; collage by Krista Anna Lewis

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The Best of What’s New to Buy

Honk (double tap?) if you’re eager to get dressed but just can’t fucking execute. This is arguably worse than the reverse — when the ducks (Shoes? Sweaters? Strawberry Mentos?) are in a row, but you’re out of energy. It’s like every time you open the golden chambers, primed for them to offer the manifold choices that will facilitate your looking the best you ever have, the minions who live inside said chambers prove themselves to be under-performing at a pace that makes you feel like you’re trying to operate an AOL account in the age of Periscope.

Don’t worry.

I’m right there with you.

And I blame last season (in February) at fashion week, which rendered about 60% of our collective closets futile with its distaste for white sneakers, ripped jeans and overall messy aesthetic, for the change.

But here’s an idea — and maybe I’m self-medicating — but instead of partake in a dramatic, Marie Kondo-style upheaval, why not just try to find that one thing. The saving grace that makes all the other stuff feel relevant and fresh and cool and, to bring this back around, like a strawberry Mentos that just hit your tongue after garlic bread. Follow the slideshow like it is a yellow brick road for guidance, or cop a feel at the bar below like you are a male junior in high school and it is a very large set of…history textbooks.

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NY Closets: Chloe King

Chloe King, public relations manager at Bergdorf Goodman, has mastered the art of work week pajamas. She’s also got the whole turtleneck as a second skin thing down, knows how to de-prep a prissy top, agrees that more-is-more when it comes to a coat, is on board with earrings that dangle and is an absolute study in the no-teeth smile. But why am I telling you all this when you can see for yourself? Because some of you may have forgotten your contacts. It is Monday, after all.

Now ask yourself: what would Chloe wear?

Monday:

I have a thing for turtlenecks. I will layer them under anything, including evening wear. Starting the work week in heels and a dress because I’m not a morning person and dressing up helps me feel more awake.

Marc Jacobs coat, Derek Lam 10 Crosby dress, Joe Fresh turtleneck, Tibi boots, Khirma Eliazov bag, Oliver Peoples sunglasses

Tuesday:

Working on a shoot today, so comfort is key. While the Baccarat Hotel is the most glamorous set ever, I’ll be packing trunks and tying models’ Manolos. Love UK brand Mother of Pearl and the sleepwear as daywear trend, so wearing their printed silk matching set today.

Mother of Pearl top & pants, J.Crew loafers

Wednesday:

A long string of meetings means I go a little more polished, and a dip in temperature means I get to wear these crazy fur trimmed heels. The tie-neck on this Valentino jacket makes me feel like I should either hop on a horse or work at Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce.

Valentino jacket, Madewell pants, Illesteva sunglasses, Tibi shoes

Thursday:

It’s always a challenge to find something that you can wear to work and is cool enough for an event later. I never thought I’d be a pink ruffley girl, but this Audra coat is a dream, and an amazing alternative to a dress. I wore it with Frame Denim jeans and patent heels that feel a little Victorian.

Audra coat (another silk option here and trench option here), Rag & Bone top, Frame Denim cuffed jean, vintage earrings, Gianvito Rossi heels, Bobbi Brown lipstick

Friday:

I’m congratulating myself for making it through the week (and a late night) by more or less wearing sleepwear. Feel totally spoiled to be in full length cashmere layers. This Naadam knit dress is incredibly versatile, and also from a responsibly-sourced brand that supports sustainability. My inner tree hugger is thrilled.

Ray Ban sunglasses, Naadam cashmere dress, Derek Lam 10 Crosby trench, Converse sneakers, Céline bag

Saturday:

Black, white and brainless: for the weekend I like to pair basics with stand-out pieces that make me happy. Today it was a black knit and denim jacket, made more fun with the lovely Tanya Taylor’s sporty pencil skirt and an Anya Hindmarch sticker bag (beware: this thing is a compliment magnet).

Anya Hindmarch bag, Levi’s denim jacket, Illesteva sunglasses, Uniqlo knit, Tanya Taylor skirt, Nike free’s

Follow Chloe on Instagram and shop Bergdorf Goodman.  Follow BG on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook, too.

Feature collage by Elizabeth Tamkin

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The Real Housewives of Man Repeller

Remember when we asked you to send us your Real Housewives taglines? Not only did you step up to the ridiculous reality TV plate and do just that, you put the whole franchise to shame.

Do you also remember that scene from Love Actually where all of the characters end up at the same school play, and the little girl who played the first lobster made her papier-mâché (pronounced exactly like that by Emma Thompson) debut, and you were thinking to yourself, “That was wonderful! More biblical crustaceans!”

Then a teacher came out from behind the curtain and said something to the paraphrased effect of, “I know this stage isn’t meant for faculty members, but that play looked so fun, we wanted to get in on the action, too“?

Well…this game looked so fun that we wanted to get in on the Housewives action with you. But first: all your taglines from the Real Housewives of Man Repeller Writers Club, Season 1.

“Don’t you dare call me a gold digger. Silver is far more flattering against my skin’s cool undertones.” — Kate DeSimone, Real Housewives of Northeast Indiana

“I’ve got more issues than the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition.” — Jamie Romas, Real Housewives of San Francisco

“I may be small, but my hair speaks volumes.” – Belén Estacio, Real Housewives of Machu Picchu

“I might be a bagel girl, but donut rule me out.” — Kelsey Moody, Real Housewives of Rhode Island

“I don’t throw shade, I AM shade.” — Shannon, Real Housewives of Fairfax County

“I may be from Canada, but I will never say sorry for doing me.” — Quinn Halman, Real Housewives of Montreal

“Some people may think they’re the real deal. But I am Kentucky fried certified.” — Hannah Quigley, Real Housewives of the Comments Section

“I may be a Swiss citizen, but when it comes to a fight, I’m never neutral.” — Stephanie Mojonnet, Real Housewives of Switzerland

“People say I’m the life of the party, and that’s not something I’m prepared to deny.” —  Allie Fasanella

“My hair is real, my smile is fake.” – LaDawn Penigar-Mitchell, Real Housewives of

“I may seem drunk off life, but I’m actually just drunk.” – Courtney Jago, Real Housewives of Boston

And now, for the Real Housewives of Team Man Repeller:

“I’m Leandra and it’s not about the journey, it’s about the gorgonzola cheese.” — Leandra Medine

“When I get mad, this Diamond is no one’s best friend. But when I get my way, I’m a total gem.” — Amelia Diamond

“You may think I’m just little, but I’m also hugely evil.” — Elizabeth Tamkin

“I may look normal, but I let my freak flag fly.” — Cristina Couri

“These Chanel boots were made for walking…but I prefer a black car.” — Yvonne Dunlevie

“I have an eye for fashion and a nose for lasagna.” — Sofia Jasmine Sheth

“I may look weak, but I ate a pizza sandwich for lunch.” — Krista Lewis

“I don’t just have tits, I am the tits.” — Anonymous Team Member

Keep the franchise going, guys. Add your jewel encrusted tag lines below. And remember: the more cringe-worthy, the better.

Photograph via LIFE Magazine. Feature Photograph via Rare Historical Photos.

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What Happens When a Man Tries the No-Makeup Makeup Look?

The point of no-makeup makeup is to look as though we aren’t wearing any makeup. This has confused every man I’ve ever known. Then what, they want to know, is the point of wearing any makeup in the first place?

Because, hello! Haven’t you seen my pores and pimples and under eye circles and wrinkles that came out of fucking nowhere, not to mention scars and spots and freckles that look like scars (or spots)? Haven’t you noticed my short-stack eyelashes and face without shape and the fact that cold air doesn’t flush me, it just dries me out?

Uh, no, they respond.

My answer back: that’s because of no-makeup makeup!!! Most men still do not get it. (These same men also do not seem to know that iridescent blue is not a natural eyelid trait among human beings who are not part pop star or fish.)

But we cannot fault these dudes for what they do not know in the dark arts of mind-altering cosmetics. Rather, we simply have to catch them on a blotchy, post-wine skin day — maybe they’re feeling a little vulnerable about their jawline; maybe Mark in ad sales has way better cheekbones — and show them the light of tinted moisturizer, a multi-purpose stain and a great mascara.

That’s where Isaac Hindin-Miller, our ask-a-guy, came in. This is Isaac before.

Like Leandra and any other human being on this planet who chooses to not wear makeup — regardless of their reason (do you need one?), Isaac Hindin-Hyphen Miller is beautiful without. Look at him! He is undoubtedly a good looking dude.

But let’s say he had somewhere to be.

Somewhere where proof of a late night needed to be hidden, immediately.

Or perhaps he just wanted a pick-me-up to compliment his new outfit.

Maybe he wanted to pamper himself by splurging on a new product, experimenting with blush and enhancing his already-great-brows!

Can a man not have the freedom to hide his pores and sculpt cheekbones should he so choose?

He totally can, dude.

…But would Isaac “so choose?”

“For a photo shoot, why not,” he said (enthusiastically). “We all get pimples.” Of course, Isaac is a bit of an outlier. He works in the industry and gets his picture taken a lot, so he’s used to touch ups with powder for the sake of not reflecting a camera flash.

But is he now a no-makeup makeup convert?

Well, theoretically, if he perfects the craft, we’ll never know.

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Follow Isaac on Instagram here, Twitter here, and check out his website here. For guy advice, check out our Ask a Guy series with Isaac.

Photographed by Krista Anna Lewis

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Video: How to Prepare for Holiday Party Season

 

Sure, it’s still November but there is no such thing as too early.  Consider items already in your clothes that jam at both your desk and your party.

Destiny’s Child did not intend “Survivor” to be a post-Holiday anthem (nor did Mariah Carey, I am almost sure, intend for her Christmas jingle to become the pinnacle of her career), but from the time you put away your last Halloween decoration until the morning after you shout “Happy New Year!,” The Holidays — especially the parties — can feel like something you endure rather than enjoy.

But it doesn’t have to feel so strenuous. In fact, the holidays can be downright easy so long as you have a general outline of best practices and avoid eating poinsettias if you’re a cat.

Here, I’ll start:

1) Use “The Holidays” as an excuse to get out of any social functions or work-related obligations. This allows for more You Time.

2) “Accidentally” leave shopping tabs open on your browser or phone when in the presence of friends and family so they know what to buy you. This eliminates awkward conversations and bad presents! (Suggestions for my own friends and family who may/may not be reading: These River Island shoes. This green trench, same brand. This skirt. This one too. Thank you in advance.)

3) “Conveniently” buy your sister’s gift in a size or style that better fits your body, then offer to take it off her hands if she doesn’t want it.

4) Gluten be damned; eat the carbs.

5) Watch the video above. It more or less tells you everything else you need to know.

In Partnership with River Island

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MR Writers Club: Pick Apart Your Pet Peeve

Did you know that I am a certified psychopath? The women in my office do, because here is a list of things that I openly hate — and yes, I know hate is a strong word. That’s why I used it:

The sound of people chewing.

The faint sound of music escaping headphones.

The sound of overly-fast typing.

When I can tell someone is looking at me.

When the office phone rings.

When someone knocks on the office door.

When no one knocks on the office door but someone hears a knock and then all of us stare at the door like alarmed cats waiting for it to open or not. (When I am in good moods, this moment is thrilling.)

Desk plants.

Sorry if you have a desk plant! But remember, I already told you I am a psychopath; there is no reasoning with me. Recall that once I got mad at my mom for needlepointing too loudly, and know that my list of dating pet peeves is even longer.

I would love nothing more than to type essays about each individual item on the above list plus the ones from which I’ve spared you. But I sort of make a living off being annoyed. It is my favorite thing to write about besides avocado toast.

You, on the other hand, are possibly more polite. You may grin and bear and fake-laugh your way through the sound of hocked loogies, uncovered yawns and those little plastic booties on dogs…but don’t you want to get your biggest peeve off your chest?

It will be cathartic, I swear. In less than 500 words, pick apart your biggest pet peeve and submit it to write@manrepeller.com. DueL November 12, 12 pm EST. Spare no details, take no prisoners. The Curmudgeon Committee needs new items for our list.

Photographed by Tim Walker for LOVE Magazine

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Should We Be Worried About Feminism Becoming Too Trendy?

Thank Hillary Clinton or hashtags: Feminism is trending. Cue feminist-angled trend pieces in the media — some of them well-researched and fair, some of them opinions, some of them (seemingly) written for the purposes of search engine optimization.

This pervasive prominence of female-centric dialogue has to be a largely positive thing. Having conversations about the pre-subscribed roles and struggles women face in politics, the workplace and at home raise awareness of women’s issues and can translate into action, especially during an election year.

It’s also important to see feminist debates springing out of every Internet rabbit hole, and not just relegated to the pages of zines or women’s college classrooms. This omnipresence of voices campaigning for equality helps remind the general public that being a feminist can take many forms, and distances the movement from the ridiculous man-hating stereotype so commonly associated with the F-word.

But with trendiness also comes temporality, misappropriation and the fear that in the rush to be part of a hot-topic conversation, journalists, celebrities, politicians and people in general won’t dig deep enough.

Specifically, trendy feminism can mean white feminism, or a POV that eschews acknowledging what feminism means for a diverse range of women experiencing inequality in different forms. In an article Callie Beusman wrote for Jezebel, she refers to this thoughtlessness as considering “feminism as accessory,” noting that a casual appropriation of feminism “allows for…un-scrutinized hypocrisies to exist in pop culture.” She points to examples like the way Elle encourages young girls to embrace feminism, yet releases their “Women in TV” issue featuring covers with Mindy Kaling, Amy Poehler, Allison Williams and Zooey Deschanel — and puts Kaling, the only woman of color, in black and white.

This lack of awareness of intersectional feminism was exemplified by the short-lived Taylor Swift / Nicki Minaj feud, where Taylor Swift took Nicki Minaj’s criticism of the white-washed Video Music Award nominations as a personal attack and encouraged her to embrace sisterhood. Swift’s oversight is a perfect instance of the mistake many of us might make when hurrying to embrace feminism — realizing that our view of oppression and inequality is not always shared with our peers.

So, how do we stop feminism as accessory? How to we use feminism’s trendiness to our benefit without undermining the movement?

I think we examine all angles of every argument and pop-topic article with a critical eye to better understand the bigger picture. We ask questions to educate ourselves in order to grow stronger in this movement and carry on the conversation so that it’s not just a trend. We may not get it right the first time, but for every one of us messing up, there’s another ten thousand women adding to feminism’s staying power, refusing to let it it slip once the hype is over. Consider #MyFeminismIs — a clever use of a social media platform to help spread the message of intersectional feminism. This hashtag may lose its trending status, but the implications are sure to stick.

As feminists braving the new frontier of the Internet, we can keep riding the popular feminism wave — just as long as we encourage one another to be vigilant, inclusive and critical to ensure that feminism ultimately moves past being #trendy and becomes a timeless condition of equality.

Collage by Elizabeth Tamkin; Images via Vogue Runway, equalitynow.org, Infotainment News, US Department of State, and Wyatt Counts/Associated Press.

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