Leandra Medine's Blog, page 108
June 25, 2019
Swimwear Forecast: Cloudy With a Chance of Perfect Pool Hangs
You text your group thread. You mark your calendar. You fantasize about what swimsuit to bring. That one. No! THIS one, the one that makes you feel like doing cartwheels under water. You get a pedicure, not because anyone will care how your toes look–but because you’ve wanted to try out a particular lime green polish since January. You glance down at your freshly lime-greened toes and notice the little hairs on your legs. You decide not to shave because you like how it feels, that soft prickle, when your run your hands down your shins. You purchase a flamingo float, and yes, you know Instagram has somewhat quashed their special allure, and yes, you know they are cliché, but what is life if not an opportunity to be somewhat cliché? Especially for your inaugural pool day of summer 2019.
Then, the night before, you check the weather. Overcast. Foggy. Humid. Rainy. Not a speck of sun. The group thread is blowing up:
S.O.S.
This sucks!
Whyyyyyyyy
Did u guys know it’s physically impossible to lick your elbow?
HOW IS THIS JUNE WEATHER
We should reschedule, right?
The Myth of the “One Thing” That Will Change Your Life
Before I started writing this, I read an article entitled “How to Make Yourself Work When You Just Don’t Want To.” There was nothing stopping me from starting to write other than the things that have always stopped me: laziness, boredom, a sense that nothing I write has meaning, and that this will be the piece that finally reveals me for the fraud I am.
It’ll be here, I thought, feverishly clicking, the one simple trick that will finally make me productive. I have felt this many times—that the cure, my cure, is near enough to taste, redolent of sweet summer fruits, juicy and whole.
Here is a partial list of things I thought would change my life:
– Ayurvedic medicine
– The Artist’s Way
– No-poo hair cleansing
– A Vitamix
– The Pomodoro Technique
– Neti pots
– An Away suitcase
– Squalane oil
– Jesse Kamm pants
– A life coach
I tried on all of these things in the hope that one would be—what? A miracle, really. Some kind of optimization button that, when pressed, would transform me into a version of myself that is suddenly capable of all I have so far failed at, or at least failed to be good at, or at least failed to master with a relaxed, Gwyneth Paltrow-ease. None lived up to expectations.
Here is what I know to be true about humans: We want to change; we want to be good, better, best. We see our lives spooling out before us and think: This can’t be it, can it? I won’t always be this lazy/unloved/bad at contouring, will I? There must be a way to improve—and surely it can’t be as difficult, or as boring, as hard work and time. That one magic thing is out there, and all I need to do is read these 18 self-help books while drinking collagen water in order to find it.
We’re living in an age when the myth of “that one thing” is more potent than ever. A quick Google search reveals almost five billion results for “the one thing that will change your life.” Some of those things include: cultivating a gratitude practice, meditation, an electric toothbrush, the perfect jeans, drinking more water, a well-fitting bra, a tiny house, a white-noise machine, forgiving your enemies, waking up at 5 a.m., overnight oats. And it’s not that these things can’t help—they might!—but they will be, if anything, a balm, not a panacea.
Clickbait evolved to rise above the noise of the internet, and it worked remarkably well: We’re all desperate for the one simple trick that will cure cancer or make us love our bodies. (Wouldn’t you want that?) We may know in our bones that there is no cure-all, no quick-fix, but we still want to believe that there is, and there is no end to the corporations who want to be the ones to sell it to us. And thus, the cycle continues.
Why would I work hard when I can read an article telling me about the one trick that will finally make it easy for me to work hard?
The world is large now, bigger than it has ever been, and closer, too: Every minute of every day we can see people doing life better—accomplishing more than us, dressing better than us, having more successful relationships than us. These people might not seem that different from us, but they must be. They must have access to that enchanted peculiarity that has, so far, eluded us completely. And even when we know this not to be true, it feels true. Because our brains evolved in an environment where perception was paramount: we had to react, quickly, to what we saw, and we had to take what we saw to be truth. We couldn’t question our initial, instinctive, and efficient perceptions, otherwise we’d be gobbled up right quick. And our brains haven’t caught up to this new world, one that demands skepticism: Psychological experiments show we still believe what we see immediately, and only think to question it later, if at all. We may know that flawless selfie is filtered, in other words, but we react emotionally as though it is the raw truth, and before we know it, we’ve bought seven bottles of the serum the selfieist recommends in a cloud of dew-dropped skin dreams.
So we think everything can (and should) be better and everything can (and should) be easy. Why would I work hard when I can read an article telling me about the one trick that will finally make it easy for me to work hard? Even if I know—and I do!—that no single meditation app will suddenly transform me into a high-functioning wizard, and no face oil will keep me looking young forever, I’m not sure I’m ready to accept that. I haven’t stopped believing in the myth of “that one thing” because to stop believing in that one thing would mean to forgo the hope that I might one day snap out of being this person who flubs deadlines, who can’t achieve her potential, who still gets zits at the age of 35. To deny that possibility would be a kind of reverse magical thinking, a growing up of sorts. It’s watching my parents put Santa’s gifts under the tree when I’m meant to be asleep.
But there is a version of me out there who has evolved past all this. I believe that, too. When I think about the elusive “one things” that have made a measurable difference in my life—therapy, anti-anxiety medication, finally moving my phone charger out of my bedroom—they have all been challenging, plodding, boulder-up-the-hill-repeatedly kind of acts, nothing precious or simple. Perhaps that makes them more magical, in a way: They are concrete proof that change is possible, even if it is also difficult.
As I waited for some epiphany to strike while embarking on this concluding paragraph, I read an article entitled “10 Need-to-Know Ways to Minimize Distraction While Writing.” When those tips didn’t work, and still no spark arrived, I realized that, too, can hold a truth. Sometimes, all there is is the work, slow and steady and sparkless, and then more of it, until there’s nothing left but to say, Okay. Enough now.
Collage by Madeline Montoya.
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A Summer Capsule Wardrobe for Maximalists Like Me
Despite only recently realizing it even existed, becoming more mindful about this collection of things I routinely gravitate toward has been an unexpected boon to my process of getting dressed. On top of that, it’s also proven to me that clothes don’t have to be basic in order to function as basics. Scroll down to see the various components of my summer wardrobe core, and feel free to steal it (I can vouch for its efficacy)—or (!) jump to the comments and tell me what’s in yours.
SZ Blockprint Kitty Dress
I wear (and will continue to wear) this caftan at least once a week all summer. It’s super lightweight cotton to the point of being almost sheer, which makes it the perfect weight for sticky subway rides and long walks alike. It’s comfortable but still makes me feel put-together, and it looks good with a tweed jacket or sweater when confronted with an AC-blasted office—something you can’t say about every lightweight cotton caftan.
Entireworld Muscle T-Shirt
I’ve already written about this tank in my story about summer turtlenecks, but I would be remiss if I didn’t also include it here. It is the *perfect* cut for a muscle t-shirt hitting (and not hitting) at all the right places. I love it so much I will continue to wear it incessantly despite the fact that a pair of red underwear smuggled its way inside my white laundry load last week, thus dying it faintly pink. This item is probably the most basic basic in my wardrobe core, but seems to stand out nonetheless. I can’t tell you how many times people have asked me where it’s from, but my vague estimate is: a lot.
& Other Stories White Denim Midi Skirt
My skirt from & Other Stories is old, so I linked to this seriously IDENTICAL one from Urban Outfitters above, but here it is again for good measure. It actually costs exactly the same amount as what I paid for mine in 2016, which is $60. A veritable steal for a skirt you’ll wear with everything and anything from now until September, but also probably long past that as well because this baby looks great with tights, too.
Leather Ancient Greek Sandals
I buy a new pair of leather Ancient Greek Sandals every summer because I’ll have inevitably worn through my last pair the summer prior due to such frequent use (I have yet to find a pair that withstands it, but do tell if you have!). In addition to being the ideal strappy summer sandal aesthetically speaking, they’re also one of the few that requires no breaking in. Yep. No blisters, even the first time you wear them. This summer, I got these.
Repeller Jumbo Barrette
The Repeller Jumbo Barrette has been available to shop since midnight this morning, but I received my personal order last week and LET ME TELL YOU it’s as great as it looks. I have a ton of hair and it holds it super securely, but I also let a friend with much thinner hair try it on and it did the job swimmingly for her as well. It’s a necessary component of my summer wardrobe core in that it keeps my hair sweater off my sweaty face and is neutral yet spicy enough to take any (and I mean any) outfit from zero to 60.
LoveShackFancy Flower Cardigan
The blue flower cardigan I have from LoveShackFancy seems to be sold out everywhere from here to kingdom come (I searched and searched 4 u!), but I found this pink version on sale at Poshmark, and this fun argyle alternative. Also a big fan of this one dropping in the fall. Anyway, there’s something about the floral appliqués that make a cozy knit feel irreverently defiant against the idea that it might be a little bit cold, which is why it’s such a great summer sweater. It keeps you warm physically while reminding you emotionally that ’tis the season for flower petals, not snowflakes. A very important task for any member of my wardrobe core.
Tory Burch Wide-Leg Pants
One of my more recent wardrobe core acquisitions, these pants earned their place as a surefire summer staple the moment I tried them on. They’re the perfect weight and silhouette for this season—light and accommodating, but not to the extent that they lose the integrity of structure and fit. As a bonus, they also humor my fantasies of making this past winter’s #stickofbutter rampage a 365-day affair. Oh also! They’re on sale and qualify for an extra 25% off with the code EXTRA according to Tory Burch’s website.
Jockey Full-Cut Briefs
Okay, I lied when I said the Entireworld muscle tee was my most basic summer basic, but do these high-waist briefs get extra fashion points for basically being what Carrie Bradshaw wears in that scene when she tugs on Aidan’s you-know-nuts? Regardless, putting these on feels like giving your hips the hug they deserve. I love wearing them under slightly sheer white dresses during the summer–and/or nightgowns I’m appropriating as daywear.
What’s in your summer wardrobe core?
Photo by Madeline Montoya.
The post A Summer Capsule Wardrobe for Maximalists Like Me appeared first on Man Repeller.
Repeller Drop #3: More Earrings, THE Headband, & Barrettes!
ello and welcome to Repeller drop three. Third time is the charm they say and we have got charms for days! By now you may have met the tomato, dolphin, turtle, and tiger charms, but we’ve got two new additions to our growing cavalcade of dangling darlings. Meet the cocoon charm and the orange cosmos charm, pretty groovy, aye??
Next, let’s travel a little further north, from the earlobes to the forehead where you will find The June.Indulge in some splendor in the grasscloth with this wide headband that is a nice neutral brown with a little pearly pizazz. It’s the perfect flourish for summer uniforms of all stars and stripes, and don’t let the name fool you, The June is good all summer long.
And now we circumnavigate around to the back or side or very top of the head where we happen upon not one, but two new Repeller flagpoles! As one so often finds in nature, these species share a similar makeup but vary in size and color. The Repeller Flagpole in foxfire burns brightly with sensual, fiery hues that seem to say “I’m the kind of person who has nice sheets and never gets seasonal allergies!” The JUMBO (emphasis mine) Repeller Flagpole takes up plenty of real estate on your hairstrands while loudly proclaiming that you are a fashionable person who can chew lots of ice without getting a headache!
8 PHOTOS
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Now here’s the wildcard, we could stay on our grand tour of the cranium, or move to the neck, or the wrist or the shoulders, one never knows where one might find the Sir-Scarf-A-Lot in tie-dye. A 100% safe and legal acid trip, the scarf is funky, festive, and ready to go wherever the wind takes it (tie it tight though, so the wind doesn’t, like, literally take it).
Isn’t it nice to know that you could pack up all of the aforementioned goodies into the final individual goodie, the Sailor Tote in algae and still have room for a bag of grapes? It’s green, it’s satin, it’s luxurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrry. Looks just as good with a rhinestone-studded caftan as it does with a pair of cut-offs (all in a days outfit I say) so what are you waiting for???????
Oh. You’re waiting for a bundle? Smart gal. Your patience and fortitude shall be rewarded with two bundle buds. First on ze list: the Grown-Ass Woman Bundle everything you need to handle your biz. A fiery Sir-Scarf-A-Lot, the newest Repeller Flagpole annnnnnnd the Sailor Tote in algae. Ina Garten herself couldn’t come up with a better recipe for summer flair. And bundle number two, well it sort of defies definition because it’s the Just Because Bundle. The cocoon charm, the tiger charm, and the JUMBO barrette all requested to bunk together for this one, and how could we say no! Party in their cabin!
That’s all, for now, corndogs and nacho chips, but I will see you oh so very soon for our next (and final) drop!
Art Direction/Production: Dasha Faires
Photography & Prop Styling: Leila Fakouri
Photography Assistant: Ben Mistak
Prop Assistant: Steven Cablayan
Production Assistant: Maggie Hoyle
Stylist: Harling Ross
Market: Elizabeth Tamkin
Hair: Tomoaki Sato
Makeup: Maggie Mondanile
Food Stylist: Tyna Hoang
Models: Brianna Cherniak, Elanor Grace Bock, Bianca Valle
Wardrobe: Datura green silk set, LESYANEBO red suit, Entireworld yellow tank, Tibi yellow high-rise jeans, Khaite red smocked peplum top via MATCHESFASHION.com, Entireworld white T-shirt
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June 24, 2019
Jacquemus’ Spring 2020 Collection Is JUST the Whiff of Lavender I Needed
It was, in fact, a veritable pastel dreamboat of proportional, wizardly, delectable pairings, shape revelations, and cases made for the elusive board short cum culotte hybrid. A reminder that the collections shown in early summer—whether resort or men’s spring or haute couture—are routinely some of the most compelling.
What is it about this time of year that draws out creativity so acutely? I’m getting ahead of myself! Please scroll for a rundown of summer outfit strategies courtesy of a field of lavender gorgeous enough to make me relish each inevitable sneeze.
1. The Perfect Not-Too-Basic Black-Tie Ensemble
If you find the usual black-tie fare of midi dresses and the occasional cool suit tiresome, feast your eyes upon this alternative courtesy of Jacquemus: a lace tunic layered over white trousers and an oversized coordinated blazer. Dare I call it the perfect marriage of sensual (see: lace tunic) and masculine (see: trousers and blazer)? I do dare, yes. Speaking of marriage, someone needs to plan a ceremony so I can wear this ASAP.
2. The Excuse to Skip the Tailor and Keep Your Pants a Little Long
Roll ’em up, babycakes! Your pants, I mean, but if you thought I was talking about pizza slices I’m comfortable with you doing both in tandem. As for the pants, though, please do pair them in all their cuffed glory with some stodgy-looking sandals and a button-down shirt layered with an anorak. Don’t have an anorak? Me neither, but I plan on searching for one the rest of the day so I can recreate this outfit before the summer is over. I’m currently eyeing this one from ALEXACHUNG’s collaboration with Barbour and invite your pupils to join mine.
3. The Playdate With Proportions
This outfit exemplifies one of my favorite adages to embrace while getting dressed: opposites attract, so why not let them do exactly that, hmm!? Pair a tight shirt with a too-big blazer. Pair short shorts with high platforms. You get the gist. It’ll work like a charm you might find in a bowl of cereal that’s shaped like a rainbow and tastes like a marshmallow, I guarantee it.
4. The Inside-Out Approach to Layering
Whilst convention dictates that a pullover sweater should be pulled over the button-down shirt you are conceivably wearing with it, Jacquemus demonstrates that convention rarely leads to the most exciting outcome. Not only is this switcheroo cool by virtue of simply being different, but it also gets bonus points for making the styling of the outfit more visible and therefore enjoyable. What would have been covered up is made better by being visible instead, and that is a metaphor for L-I-F-E, my friends.
5. The Best Outfit Since Sliced Bread
As promised, the aforementioned board short cum culotte hybrid, styled with a knit tank, a colorful cargo jacket, and strappy sandals. I want nothing more than to copy-paste the whole thing upon myself and wear it until I meet my maker, but first let’s talk about what makes it work so well. There’s a lot going on, both proportion-wise and saturation-wise, and yet it doesn’t feel like “too much,” likely because the color palette is so synchronized. In other words, it’s an utterly unique, non-obvious outfit composed of things that look like they should obviously go together, which is what I would consider the holy grail of designations. Scroll for the biggest treat of all, though: a necklace-ized version of Jacquemuss signature baby bag.
15 PHOTOS
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What are your thoughts on the collection? I’m dying to talk about it with someone! Anyone! Mom?
Photos via Vogue Runway.
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Men Share Their Abortion Stories: “I Was a Playboy”
When we set out last month to create an abortion series that featured men’s perspectives, we had two goals in mind: The first was to ease the burden on women, who often feel called to lay their hearts out to defend their bodily autonomy, sometimes at the expense of their comfort; The second was to create a more balanced dialogue in general, since the right to choose benefits all of society. First, Natalie interviewed Rob about the abortion she went through with him, then Alana interviewed Lock, and last week, Violet interviewed Matthew. The interview format came about organically, as women expressed interest in guiding the conversations versus stepping back completely, and it led to some really enlightening exchanges.
The responses have been really interesting. Many readers have appreciated finally hearing from a group that is so often silent; others have wondered what it would look like if the women conducting the interviews weren’t involved in the stories at all. Some have pointed out that the first three couples had some similarities—women who were quite emotional about their choice, and men who were supportive through it all—which isn’t representative of everyone. If nothing else, the comments have revealed how varied and nuanced the modern abortion experience is, and how it’s important to always acknowledge that.
This week, I did something a little different. I personally interviewed Jon*, a 43-year-old music photographer who reached out to me when I called for participants. Jon has been a part of five unwanted (and aborted) pregnancies, many of which were the result of unprotected sex. Talking with someone who seemingly represents what many in the anti-abortion movement malign—those who use abortion as birth control—was a difficult exercise for me. Not only did it force me to face the reality that, in rare cases, the assertion that choice may incite careless behavior is true, but it highlighted how much our sexual education system is failing us. And it reminded me that abortion is not a singular issue; it intersects differently with every social strata.
To be honest, this conversation hit neither of the goals we set out with. It showed us that asking people to speak up doesn’t always mean we’ll like what we hear, but it can reveal some urgent truths. We’re running this interview because it underlines some of the changes we as a culture have to make—in educating our youth, in educating men, in recognizing the breadth of experiences—before reproductive autonomy actually feels like freedom.
Haley: You’ve been through more than one abortion. Can you tell me about the most recent one?
Jon: I was in my late thirties. It was in maybe the first two months of seeing each other that she got pregnant, and I remember her blaming me. Part of the reason I was having unprotected sex was because I thought, Hey, if it happens, I’m emotionally ready to move forward and have a child. Especially with her—even though I’d just met her, I thought we had this connection, I thought we were on the same level. Well, obviously, we weren’t, and after she got the abortion she didn’t want anything to do with me. She didn’t even want me to go with her. She was embarrassed, I believe.
Why did she think it was your fault?
Because I guess she’s had unprotected sex with other men before, and she’s never gotten pregnant. It was her first time.
Did you two have a conversation about birth control and verbally decide not to use any, or was that something you talked about afterward?
Honestly, I don’t remember. We were drunk and it just happened.
You said you’ve been through other abortions as well. Can you tell me about some of those?
There was one when I was in my late twenties, I think 29. I wasn’t in a relationship with the woman, but the condom broke. When I got the phone call, it was like being in a movie. I was sitting there playing PlayStation with my friends, and I get the call: “Hey, can you talk?”
That was a situation where I was like, Whoa, we can’t have a child. Well, not “we can’t,” but I wasn’t in a position to have a child. We also were not in love, and both of us agreed on that choice.
Was that your first time getting a woman pregnant?
No, that wasn’t my first time. I think I’ve had five partners get abortions in my life. There was a situation where I was in a relationship and we were deeply in love, but again the stars weren’t aligned. I wasn’t financially ready. She wasn’t financially ready. We were both at crossroads in our careers. We weren’t even sure the relationship was going to last. Luckily we were able to have the choice to not continue on with the pregnancy. If we hadn’t, I wouldn’t be where I am, happily married and celebrating my son’s first birthday. Having that decision available to us was a big factor in my becoming the man I am today.
So you’ve been a part of five unwanted pregnancies. Were you worried about getting women pregnant? Was that a concern for you or was it something you kind of assumed wouldn’t happen?
Honestly, it was about being young and dumb and thinking, Oh, it’s never going to happen, it’s hard to get a woman pregnant, and it’s not going to happen to me. And then it happens. And then you think you’re smarter than science, which you’re not. And it happens again, and then you do the same stupid shit again, and then you do it again and then do it again because you’ve done it other times. And you keep making the same mistake until you actually really fucking learn your lesson. And that’s what it took for me: one final, miserable, embarrassing time.
I think a lot of people who are anti-abortion argue that people are not careful about sex because they use abortion as birth control. I think that tends to get overblown, but I’m curious: Do you think you would have been less careless had abortion been illegal?
Shit, that’s a good one. I think those people are somewhat right, honestly. Yes, I have been one of those people who thinks, Fuck it, lets just do it, there’s the morning-after pill. I’ll pay for it. I’ve been that guy. I know many friends who have done that as well. [Ed note: The morning-after pill does not incite abortion; it is a form of emergency contraception.]
Is that a regret for you or do you feel like those decisions were your right?
Both. It’s a regret and I believe it was my right. At the same time.
What was your sex education like in high school? And do you want your son’s to be different?
Yes, absolutely. I’m about to be 43, so my sex education was very old school—this was in the 80s. They popped in the video and we half-paid attention and laughed, and it wasn’t very serious. And I don’t ever remember having the “birds and the bees” conversation with my father or my mother. It was just very basic.
When my son comes of age, his sex ed is going to be totally different. I just want to be more realistic with him and make it not so childlike, the way it felt when I was getting it. I want him to learn from me and my past mistakes and understand that if it weren’t for the laws that are in place today to protect the right to choose, he probably wouldn’t be here because my life would be totally different.
Right. Your life would have changed drastically as a result of poor sexual education, which is similar to what many kids are receiving today.
Right—poor education. Exactly.
So I know you have a few different experiences with abortion, but can you dive into the emotional experience of one of them—of being told about the pregnancy and then coming to the conclusion that abortion was the right choice?
The one I recall most vividly was in my late twenties, when I was sitting around having a normal day with the fellas and got that phone call. When she said it, my heart dropped. It was heartbreaking. Especially hearing it from a woman I was not romantically involved with—where it was just sex. With her, it became more like a business transaction or something. I felt like I had to be very direct because I knew her emotions were running wild too. But both of us knew we weren’t ready to have a child. It just wasn’t the right situation.
So the decision for you guys was pretty easy.
Yeah, that was pretty easy. Honestly, all of them were pretty easy because I was just… I wasn’t the man I am today. My career wasn’t where it is. I was a playboy. And I was very honest with women about that, but I also tried not to be an asshole.
Why do you think that time when you were 29 is so much more emotionally resonant or sharper in your memory than the other ones? Is it because you weren’t in love, as you put it?
I think because of the way it happened. I remember getting off the phone and telling my friends, and going from playing games to actually talking about real life. And what was I going to do? If there was a mirror turned on me, I know I just had this blank stare on my face. And I had this blank feeling, all inside of me. I felt empty. Because I knew I was going to support her either way, even if I didn’t want a child. It wasn’t ultimately my decision, it was up to her. If she would have said yes, then I would have two kids. And possibly just that one kid and not the child upstairs.
How did you support these women? Did it differ from time to time?
I would usually ask, “Hey, would you like for me to pay for this? It’s the least that I could do. Would you like me to come with you?” But zero women wanted me to come with them.
Really?
Never went. The closest I ever got was outside of Planned Parenthood. Downtown. Waiting. That was it. No woman ever wanted me to go with them. After the most recent one, I remember just trying to support her, being there for her as much as I could because I felt really bad about the situation.
How about financially, did these women have insurance that covered abortion?
I know that with the last one, she did not want my money. She had a pretty good job, so I’m assuming she had insurance. The one that I remember from my twenties, I gave her money to put into it, to cover it.
Did you ever think about what having a child might be like?
Definitely. In my late 30s, I remember sitting in her living room in Williamsburg and daydreaming about being in that place with a child. I remember thinking: This is small, but we could do it. I can’t really afford the movers to a new place and everything, but it’s doable. People do it for a lot less. There are families in Queens where 10 people are sharing a studio apartment. I feel blessed just to be able to sit here in this 500-square-foot studio. We can make this work. But I don’t think I ever told her my feelings like that. We were focused on how she was feeling, and it was a no-brainer for her.
Was that the first time you kind of thought, Yeah, I can do this?
Yeah.
But for the other ones, you said if they decided to keep it, you would make it work.
Oh, absolutely. There is no doubt. I was going to be a dad, and a great dad. My father is one of my best friends. Although my mom and dad were never together, my father always was there for me through every moment in my life. He’s on his way down here now for my son’s birthday. That’s my dad.
You’ve mentioned that your career got to where it was because you were able to wait to have children until you were ready. Can you tell me a little about that?
Not having children has allowed me to travel and see the world. To become the photographer I am today. I’m known as one of the top hip-hop music photographers in the world. I wouldn’t be able to get to this point if I had kids. Even if it happened five years ago, I wouldn’t have been able to get here. The progress would have stopped for me—I would have to be home more often. Especially if it was under the circumstances of a broken home. It just wouldn’t be right to leave. I would have to move out of New York. But without those things, I was able to progress, let my career flourish, and become, in my mind, the great man that I am today.
Have you noticed that most abortion experiences are shared by women?
Yeah, I have noticed that.
Do you think that it would be helpful to hear from men more?
Yeah, because I think especially with a story like mine, you can learn. Young men can learn to not make the same mistakes I made. Having an unwanted pregnancy can change your life in ways you’re not prepared for. It can fuck you up. If you’re not about that life, if you’re not ready to make that decision with a woman, it can be ultimately heartbreaking.
Why is “wrap it up” not good enough?
It’s too simple. Also condoms break. And if she’s on the pill, she can still get pregnant. [Ed note: The pill is 99.7% effective with perfect use.] You have to protect yourself and protect the world. If you’re one of those people who doesn’t believe abortion should be legal, and you have a kid you’re not ready for, somebody else might have to take care of that kid. It affects everyone.
In response to this series so far, some people have said, “Hey, it’s not always so heartbreaking to have an abortion. Some people view it like a medical procedure.” Of the women you went through this with, do you know where they fell on that spectrum?
I think every single woman that ever got pregnant in my life was happy as hell to get an abortion. I guess I’m not sure if they were heartbroken afterwards, but I know that when it was done and they were able to move on with their lives, they seemed happy. I’ve had friendships with some after the fact, and I remember one woman telling me that although it was a big decision, it was the best decision she ever made. She was like, “Look at me now.”
How have you been feeling as legislation is being proposed to limit reproductive rights?
I think it’s horrible. I really do. I think no one should tell a woman what to do with her body. She should be able to do what she wants—it’s not hurting anyone else. Let people make up their own minds, especially if it’s safe. If it becomes illegal, all people are going to do is go underground, where it’s unsafe.
[Ed note: As Our Bodies Ourselves reports, “Each year around 7 million women are admitted to hospitals for complications of unsafe abortion and between 4.7% – 13.2% of maternal deaths can be attributed to unsafe abortion. Highly restrictive abortion laws are not associated with lower abortion rates.]
Do you feel you know how to support women right now?
No, I don’t. I think I would be a fool to say that I totally know how to support a woman. I’m still learning how to support my wife—we have our fourth anniversary coming up—but I’m constantly learning.
Do you talk about the abortions you’ve been through very often, or is it something you keep quiet about?
The last time I talked about this was not too long ago, maybe last year. It was guys talking and getting to know each other and the topic came up. But it was brief. It was not deep, not like this.
So what made you want to respond to my call for participants in this series?
I’ve never heard of Man Repeller. But I think that a person like me should tell their story. Maybe someone can learn from my mistakes. I felt like, Hey, why not? Why not help out?
What was your sexual education like? Did it change the way you had or have sex? Have you ever had unprotected sex when you weren’t looking to conceive?
*Name has been changed
Illustration by Andrea Smith.
The post Men Share Their Abortion Stories: “I Was a Playboy” appeared first on Man Repeller.
I Recreated 5 MNZ Runway Looks With My Own Wardrobe
While this long, hot stretch of time is fabulous for my mental and physical well-being, it is indubitably strenuous on my wardrobe. It doesn’t take long for the sundress-and-sandals combination I was yearning for all winter to begin to feel strangely like the turtleneck-and-jeans trap from which I sought to liberate my body back in February. Extremes of temperature demand a certain utility from clothing, and this utility slowly laps away at my ability to layer on a creative outfit. It’s at this precise juncture in the summer that I find myself turning to Maryam Nassir Zadeh for inspiration.
Zadeh has carved out a particular place for herself in the world of fashion thanks to what the designer herself describes as the “odd elegance” of her eponymous brand. The signatures of her look–oversized glass pendants, awkward-length bike shorts, and underwear-as-outerwear — sound ridiculous on paper, but somehow appear both effortless and compelling in practice. This accomplishment is partly a testament to her skill as a designer (I believe I’ve gone on record on this very site proclaiming my love for her supremely comfortable Palma sandals), but the MNZ look is also an exercise in unorthodox styling. Zadeh’s own Instagram account is a veritable guidebook to throwing together a warm-weather outfit (might she suggest a blue flamenco skirt and a zebra-print tube top?), and her runway shows are the product of her years-long collaboration with Haley Wollens, the undisputed queen of unexpected styling. (She’s responsible for putting this lobster on Chloe Sevigny’s crotch).
I find myself particularly drawn to MNZ style in the summer, given the brand’s propensity to use the aforementioned bike shorts and bra tops in conjunction with sheer fabrics and a rainbow of colors that look good against a particularly juicy sunset. As someone who loves swimsuits and is steadfastly dedicated to maximizing the cost-per-wear out of every garment in my closet, Zadeh’s idea of tying a bathing suit top over a shirt shook my world last summer. What other secrets are in the MNZ bag (preferably this clear one) of tricks? You know the drill by now–I’ll comb my closet to find out.
#1: Resort 2018, Daisy Chain
I was pleasantly surprised when I first saw this picture from MNZ’s Resort lookbook last year, as the top here is so similar to a vintage one already in my closet! If you don’t have a dead ringer on hand, any floral top belted around the waist would suffice. I’m not typically a belt person, but they’re one of the cornerstones of the MNZ look, and I actually found myself rather enjoying the pannier effect of the top belted over the skirt here. Also, if you’re like me and missed your window of opportunity to snag one of the coveted MNZ glass heart necklaces, Lolo and Friends has a competitively-priced, handmade twin that’s chunky enough to store a love potion.
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#2: S/S 2019, Bikini Kill
Was this look all up in your Instagram a couple months ago? I’ll bet it was. I’ll also bet that you have everything that you need to recreate it on hand: a floaty summer dress, a bikini top, and strappy sandals. Apply said ingredients in reverse order to what your intuition tells you (unless your intuition tells you to put the bikini top on last, in which case you no longer need me). For what it’s worth, these Triangl bikinis are also my favorite for wearing in standard beach settings as well. They hold everything in place during a long day in the water, come in a range of delicious velvets and metallics, and you can mix-and-match your top and bottom sizes!
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#3: S/S 2019, Short Suit
Zadeh is probably the only person who could convince me that vests are the best part of a three-piece suit. I don’t have one in my wardrobe yet, so I delved into my fiancé’s side of the closet (my closet extension, as we call it in the biz), to put together a summer suit. I love the playful combination of a dressy jacket with shorts, and the addition of sandals felt like a sexy elevation from the loafers I would’ve chosen had I been left to my own devices. (Psst…if you like MNZ sandals, they’re on sale over here).
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#4: S/S 2018, The Ultimate Summer Friday
Ostensibly, this combination of khakis and a swim top could take you straight from the office to the beach. My sister and I have recently agreed that we both possess some kind of genetic incapability to feel embarrassment, so this is something I would likely actually wear–and likely the reason a gallery where I used to work added a ‘Dress Code’ section to their handbook the summer that I started there. I’ll consider relegating this look to the weekends this year, wearing it to stroll through farmer’s markets and sprinklers alike. My Repeller bag is covered in leaping dolphins–what could be more summery or “oddly elegant” than that?
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#5: S/S 2019, Pirate Athleisure
This is probably the most honest approximation of what I wear in the summer, wandering out bleary-eyed for my morning matcha or piling on everything I brought in my beach bag when it’s time to schlep my umbrella home. There’s a certain irreverence to all MNZ looks. The brand eschews the notion of looking “put together” in favor of tossing things on and figuring out what works, even if that means belting, tying, or unbuttoning as you go. I’m relishing the combination of two of my favorite summer items: a big, puffy blouse and miniature bike shorts.
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I know you’re probably still in the process of unpacking your flouncy cotton dresses and silky slips from their wintry dungeons right now–I am, too. Feel free to mentally bookmark these looks and return to them in a couple weeks when you’re rifling through your closet, sweating bawlz, and repeating a phrase that I can only assume dates back to the advent of the loincloth: “I have nothing to wear!”
In response to that timeless lament, MNZ style gives you permission to throw caution to the wind. To layer what you have on hand with reckless abandon. To dress with the exuberance of a kid on summer vacation. To reach into the recesses of your closet and pull on whatever feels right. Head outside without giving yourself a moment to overthink. Maybe throw a bikini top over the whole thing on your way out the door. If you need to splash some water over yourself en route to wherever you’re headed, you’ll be nothing if not prepared.
Photos via Ruby Redstone and Vogue Runway.
The post I Recreated 5 MNZ Runway Looks With My Own Wardrobe appeared first on Man Repeller.
David Hockney Is the Best Kind of Style Icon
ast year, a signed David Hockney print of a painting of flowers in a vase hung in the living room of my Brooklyn apartment. It was found in the storage unit of my roommate’s relative, who loaned it to her for the year as temporary apartment decor before it was sent to a wall meant for art more prestigious than our polaroids from college parties.
Until last week, the extent of my relationship with Hockney was my morning ritual of eating Honey Nut Cheerios on my couch while staring at the loopy signature on the flower print that I suspected had a value higher than my cumulative belongings. It was only after I found myself basking in free air conditioning at a Metrograph screening of A Bigger Splash that the man behind the signature became my new summer style icon.
Those more versed in David Hockney’s legacy already know him as a British artist whose revolutionary paintings deeply influenced the pop art movement. They’re also likely to know that the 4K restoration of the 1974 Hockney Biopic A Bigger Splash is being re-released in New York today, timed to pride month, and will be followed by a nationwide expansion. Hockney’s work has inspired the likes of Michael Kors, Edith Young, Luke Edward Hall, and Frank Ocean. You may also recognize him as the man with the charming tie and pocket-square combo tenderly holding hands with Joni Mitchell.
Jack Hazan’s A Bigger Splash documents Hockney’s mid-30s as he regains his footing as an artist following a breakup, leaning on his tight-knit group of muses as he does. Hockney’s rut is finally defeated when he decides to return to his piece “Portrait of an Artist (Pool with Two Figures), which he’d previously scrapped, but decides to take up again after discovering inspiration in his backyard pool. Hockney becomes hypnotized by the ritual of watching his entourage dive into the water again and again, determined to capture the simple beauty of a body distorted by the water’s surface.
It took him two weeks to re-paint the piece, but he holds firm that the previous months were integral to the painting’s creation. The final version of ‘Portrait of an Artist (Pool with Two Figures)’ sold for $90.3 million in 2018, setting the record for a sale by a living artist. (It was a record held until last month when Jeff Koons’ ‘Rabbit’ sold for $91.1 million.)
Approximately seven minutes into the film, I fell back in love with my wardrobe full of secondhand clothing. A Bigger Splash serves up such an abundance of inspiration that I began scrolling through mental images of my closet, concocting all the outfits I never realized I owned. It was like finding a dinner recipe and realizing I already had all the ingredients to make it in my own kitchen.
Why had I never mismatched my socks or realized that vertical stripes look phenomenal when paired with more vertical stripes? Where the heck did I put those fishnet stockings I wore with my eleventh grade Lady Gaga Halloween costume? Why have I been fixated on finding the perfect slip to go under my sheer dresses when I could just add a poppy pair of colored tights instead? Should I strive to own glasses of the Edna Mode variety?
Hockney’s style is as oxymoronically soothing as his on-screen declaration that “nostalgia is a bit…decadent.” A Bigger Splash captures the evidence that his clothes are a pinpoint match on his personality, which then matches the interior design, which then bleeds into the very feeling of the cities he visits. His aesthetic is contagious, like paint from a brush spreading through water.
Each time I finish watching a Wes Anderson film, I always get lured back into outfits composed of peter-pan collars and mary-janes, only to rediscover that outfits alone do not have the power to transform the entire world into a consistent colorful symmetry. Hockney waved his paint-brush like a wand and proved me wrong.
A Bigger Splash is a 35mm candy shop: visually electric and emotionally melancholy. The whimsical plot flips through moments from different cities and time periods and pastel scenes featuring pink tablecloths with teaspoons and lemon slices, not always making clear how they all relate. As a whole, it is a charmingly ineffective history lesson. The film, like Hockney’s work, is a genre of its own. It brings us a nose-length away from Hockney—as himself? Or just a variation of himself? It’s beautifully unclear—as he watches his friends (also played by themselves) see their reflections through his paintings.
In the age of romanticized consistency through clean Instagram grids, I feel like a pinwheel rotation of all the aesthetics I’ve absorbed from films. Approximating the outfits I see on screen always expands my personal style, but A Bigger Splash floated me with more than outfit ideas—it turned my whole day into a cinematic masterpiece. As I got up from my red velvet seat in the Metrograph theater, without meaning to, I imagined a dolly shot tracking the movements of my lime-green toile maxi dress as I moved past the tidy concession stand lined with Topochico waters and yogurt-covered pretzels.
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Hockney’s aesthetic had dripped off the screen and flooded the lobby. That current floated me into the New York streets, which instantly looked more pastel than they did gray. That night, I drifted home and drowned in all the possibilities my closet had held all along. Will I mis-match my socks for the rest of my days? Likely not. But for now, I’m more than willing to swim in a pool of David Hockey’s vision.
Photos provided by Henry Quinson and Metrograph.
The post David Hockney Is the Best Kind of Style Icon appeared first on Man Repeller.
Your Career Questions Answered by MR’s New Managing Editor
Whether you want to be an astronaut, novelist, photographer or you have no idea yet, there’s something cathartic in hearing about the multitude of winding paths. That’s why Man Repeller launched a series wherein various team members answer your career questions — anything from how they got to where they are to what they wish they’d done differently to what they still hope to do. There’s always a lesson to be learned somewhere or, at the very least, relief in knowing that it’s more than okay if you’re still figuring it out. Mallory, Haley and Crystal have already answered your burning career Qs, and up this time is MR’s new Managing Editor, Gyan Yankovich. Below, she introduces herself and answers some of the questions recently posed to her on Instagram.
You’re the managing editor! What does that mean?
My main responsibility is overseeing our editorial calendar. I spend a large chunk of the month working super closely with Mallory and Haley, making sure we have the perfect mix of content coming up each day/week/month. I set a lot of deadlines, schedule a lot of meetings, and own a lot of Google Docs and Sheets. I also write for the site as much as I can.
How did you get started in your career?
On my first day of university, my journalism course coordinator told our entire class, The industry is dying! Half of you will end up working in PR! I had no idea what this “PR” was, but it didn’t sound good. So from that day on, I started trying to get my foot in the door of a magazine.
After many unanswered emails, I eventually landed a week of work experience at Cosmopolitan Australia. I wasn’t in a place (geographically or financially) to do an official internship, but started going into the office for a day or two whenever they needed me—this often meant spending seven hours on a train to do eight hours of unpaid work.
A few months in, they were hiring an Editorial Coordinator and asked if I was interested. I’d just turned 19 and was in my second year of uni. So I switched to going to school part-time, moved to Sydney, and studied by distance while working full-time for the next three years.
And then what?
I stayed at Cosmo for two and a half years, and did a lot of growing up there. My housemate at the time had my dream job: beauty writer at Dolly, Australia’s best-selling teen mag. When she got offered a position at another magazine, I emailed her editor straight away and snuck up to their floor for an interview. I got the job, and to this day, believe I’ll never have a job as fun as that one.
A year later, Dolly was merged with Cleo, an iconic Cosmo-like magazine, and I was lucky to get the position of Beauty Editor across both titles. But eventually, I started to get a little bored of beauty, and was terrified about working in print when magazines were dying, so I started thinking about my next move. When I saw that BuzzFeed was advertising for Staff Writer roles in Sydney, I applied, interviewed, and… didn’t get it.
A few months later, the editor in chief of BuzzFeed Australia got back in touch to tell me they were looking to hire a Lifestyle Editor and encouraged me to apply. I did and this time it was the right fit. I stayed there for a little over two years, then I decided to leave—the job and the country. My boyfriend and I had been planning, and saving, to move overseas for years, and it was time. We went to Japan, drove around the US in a van, and went to South America. While I was traveling, a tarot card reader (not kidding) told me I should start looking for jobs in New York if I wanted to end up there. That night I looked on the BuzzFeed jobs page and saw they’d posted the perfect job listing…three days prior. I emailed some people I knew from the New York office, had four video interviews, and was offered the role while I was backpacking in Chile.
I was Senior Lifestyle Editor at BuzzFeed in New York until the company cut 15% of their staff. My entire team was laid-off. And so, after almost four years at BuzzFeed, my time came to an end and—spoiler alert—I ended up at Man Repeller.
But how exactly did you end up at Man Repeller?
As I started looking for a new job, I remembered a list I’d written back in 2016 when I was dreaming of my New York move titled “Career Goals.” It was an obnoxiously short list of places I wanted to work in New York, and on that list was Man Repeller. I headed to the jobs page, saw they were looking for a Managing Editor, and applied. After my first phone interview I wrote “Managing Editor, Man Repeller” on a Post-It and stuck it above my desk in an attempt to manifest my way to the only job that sounded better than the one I’d just lost. Four interviews and an edit test later, I was offered the position.
What was it like moving to the US from Australia?
There’s no place quite like New York City and there’s no media company quite like Man Repeller—and here I am living inside both. Being here honestly feels like the best kind of fever dream. Logistically, moving countries is tough. I’m exceptionally lucky as an Australian with a university degree to be eligible for a non-immigrant visa, but the visa process is still immensely stress-inducing.
Okay, now, let’s get into the questions readers submitted on Instagram!
“What advice do you have for a fresh-out-of-college writer who doesn’t want to jeopardize her voice to fit a brand but also desperately wants to break into the digital media industry in any way she can?”
Rethink what it means to jeopardize your voice. I’ve written for mainstream women’s mags, BuzzFeed, and now Man Repeller, and for each publication I’ve used a different voice—each has been a version of my own, sure, but part of being a successful writer is knowing how to write for the tone and audience of every publication. Being able to adjust your writing voice is a skill that editor’s notice and appreciate. This is not to say that you can’t be funny, smart, and true to yourself in your writing, but being able to flex different writing muscles when needed is a valuable skill. That said, there is a line, and I don’t think any media job is worth feeling morally or ethically compromised.
“Any advice for taking a two- to three-month career break? And general feelings about doing so?”
Remember that, in the grand scheme of things, three months isn’t a long time. I was so worried that stepping away from the industry would weaken my connections and make it hard for me to find a job again, but the truth is that nobody really even notices you’re gone. For me, taking a six-month break gave me space to grow as a person (cheesy, I know) which, in turn has made me a better writer. It’s all about adjusting your mindset.
If you’re in the financial position to take a break, and you believe one could provide you with what you need emotionally and practically, I say go for it. Personally, I’m glad I waited until I was six years into my career to take my break, because by then I had a solid network and reputation —and the funds to do so— but these details will be a little different for everyone.
“How do you come up with story ideas when you’re feeling blocked?”
I talk to people. I ask my friends and boyfriend what they’re thinking about, reading, watching, and doing, then think about the information gaps that exist within those areas. (It helps if these people aren’t also working in the media and don’t spend all day on Twitter!)
“What’s the best bit of writing advice you’ve ever received?”
Never write anything you wouldn’t want to read yourself.
Photos by Madeline Montoya. Gyan wearing Reformation top, Uniqlo pants, Everlane sandals and Bailey Nelson glasses.
The post Your Career Questions Answered by MR’s New Managing Editor appeared first on Man Repeller.
June 21, 2019
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