Phoebe Alexander's Blog, page 2
February 25, 2016
Fellow Author Friday - Judith Fullerton
One of the things I've really enjoyed this year and has helped me grow as a writer is starting a group on Facebook for fellow indie authors. I can't tell you how much I have learned in only a month or two of interacting with my amazing colleagues. I wanted to give a little back and to facilitate collaboration and exposure for my friends by featuring a fellow indie on my blog every Friday.
So, without further ado, I give you my interview with author Judith Fullerton:
Facebook. https://www.facebook.com/selkiepact
Twitter @JudithFullerton
Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/Judith-Fullerton/e/B00TCR07D2
1. When and how did you decide to become a writer?
My writing journey began as a child. I struggled to read due to a childhood trauma, so was often in the remedial reading group. Luckily for me, my teachers and parents encouraged me to read and write every day. I was determined and it worked. I developed a love of both reading and writing. For years I'd write little stories and keep them in a journal, but no-one ever got to see them, I guess I was embarrassed. A friend finally convinced me to write something longer, as she said I had a natural talent for story-telling. So I did!
2. Where do you get inspiration for your stories?
The inspiration for my stories come from many trips to the Antrim coast (for those of you who don’t know – this is where Game of Thrones is filmed). The place is renowned for its myths and legends, but many stories have been lost through the generations. I wanted to revive these legends and bring them into modern-day storytelling as everyone can, and should be, touched by magic! My first novel, The Selkie Pact was inspired by one of these trips. My husband and I were walking along the beach in Ballintoy when we saw a lone seal swimming out in the fierce waves. For such a little seal, he braved the strong currents and even seemed to be enjoying the experience. It was a magical moment - my first seal encounter - and one I will never forget. Hence my story was born!
3. What makes you unique as a writer? What do you think sets you apart from other writers?
I’m a writer who couldn’t read as a child. That makes me strive to write stories that even the weakest reader can follow. I don’t think that I’m a great writer, but I am passionate about what I do. I firmly believe this gives my stories life, which engages my readers. I’m always learning and not ashamed to say so. I’m not in competition with anyone other than myself, so I enjoy interacting with fellow indie authors – exchanging ideas and worries – the support they provide makes the journey all the more enjoyable!
Thank you, Judith! Join in next week for a new Fellow Author Friday!
February 18, 2016
7 Things You Need to Know About Sex-Positivism
I've been reluctant to take on many labels as an erotic romance author and as someone who has participated in nonmonogamy. But one label I happily subscribe to is sex-positive. Here's why:
I started an Instagram account for my Phoebe Alexander brand this week. (authorphoebealexander if you want to check it out). The two main hashtags I use are #bodypositive and #sexpositive. I think the two are very much related. Body positivism has become pretty mainstream in the past year or two, but I feel there's still some work to be done about sex positivism. Here are 7 things you should know about this movement:
1. Sexy doesn't have a color, race, size, shape, maximum age or gender.
Sexy is truly in the eye of the beholder. We've had the media's idea of sexy shoved down our throat for far too long. It's a very narrow subset of the population that meets the criteria, yet sex is something that most humans enjoy. We all have reasons to feel sexy no matter what we look like or where we come from.
2. Sex is natural.
We are all here because of sex. Sexual desire is natural and beneficial from an evolutionary point of view. Yes, the biological and psychological aspects of it are complex, but on a very basic level we are sexual animals and shouldn't be ashamed to act accordingly.
3. Sex is so much more than penis + vagina.
Toss out old-fashioned (dare I say Clintonian?) perceptions of what sex is. Penetrative penis in vagina sex is but a small subset of the sexual universe. Terms such as "virginity" and "having sex" are meaningless in some contexts. We need to think much more broadly so we can include non hetero-normative sexual activities in our definitions. Part of the sex positive movement in accepting that others' practices may differ from ours and that is OK as long as everyone involved is a consenting adult.
4. Sex positive means no slut shaming and no virgin shaming.
Gone are the days of the double standard where men are encouraged to experience multiple sex partners over their lifetimes but women are not. Gone are the days where it's acceptable to shame, bully, or look down on someone who enjoys sex or enjoys it differently than you do. Gone are the days where it's alright to make fun of someone for choosing not to have sex.
Having sex does not make a person good or bad. Not having sex does not make a person good or bad. Whether a person is good or bad has nothing to do with their consensual sexual choices and everything to do with how they treat other people.
5. Sex positive means no one is being exploited, coerced, or forced to do anything they don't want to do.
That one should really speak for itself. Everyone determines their own boundaries and limits and has the agency to enforce them.
6. Sex ed begins at birth by teaching children to love and respect their bodies.
Fostering sex-positivism begins very early as we teach children about the value of their bodies and the pleasure they are capable of giving and receiving. We send messages to children all the time about sex, whether we intend to or not. It's imperative to teach them about healthy outlets and relationships from the start in age appropriate ways.
7. Sex is good for you!
There are so many health benefits to sex that are often overlooked. This is by no means a definitive list, but here are a few:
- strengthens your immune system
- lowers blood pressure
- reduces stress
- increases heart rate and burns calories
Read more at http://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/guide/sex-and-health.
The sex positive movement has to do with reframing the way we think about sex. Is there anything you would add to this list?
I started an Instagram account for my Phoebe Alexander brand this week. (authorphoebealexander if you want to check it out). The two main hashtags I use are #bodypositive and #sexpositive. I think the two are very much related. Body positivism has become pretty mainstream in the past year or two, but I feel there's still some work to be done about sex positivism. Here are 7 things you should know about this movement:
1. Sexy doesn't have a color, race, size, shape, maximum age or gender.
Sexy is truly in the eye of the beholder. We've had the media's idea of sexy shoved down our throat for far too long. It's a very narrow subset of the population that meets the criteria, yet sex is something that most humans enjoy. We all have reasons to feel sexy no matter what we look like or where we come from.
2. Sex is natural.
We are all here because of sex. Sexual desire is natural and beneficial from an evolutionary point of view. Yes, the biological and psychological aspects of it are complex, but on a very basic level we are sexual animals and shouldn't be ashamed to act accordingly.
3. Sex is so much more than penis + vagina.
Toss out old-fashioned (dare I say Clintonian?) perceptions of what sex is. Penetrative penis in vagina sex is but a small subset of the sexual universe. Terms such as "virginity" and "having sex" are meaningless in some contexts. We need to think much more broadly so we can include non hetero-normative sexual activities in our definitions. Part of the sex positive movement in accepting that others' practices may differ from ours and that is OK as long as everyone involved is a consenting adult.
4. Sex positive means no slut shaming and no virgin shaming.
Gone are the days of the double standard where men are encouraged to experience multiple sex partners over their lifetimes but women are not. Gone are the days where it's acceptable to shame, bully, or look down on someone who enjoys sex or enjoys it differently than you do. Gone are the days where it's alright to make fun of someone for choosing not to have sex.
Having sex does not make a person good or bad. Not having sex does not make a person good or bad. Whether a person is good or bad has nothing to do with their consensual sexual choices and everything to do with how they treat other people.
5. Sex positive means no one is being exploited, coerced, or forced to do anything they don't want to do.
That one should really speak for itself. Everyone determines their own boundaries and limits and has the agency to enforce them.
6. Sex ed begins at birth by teaching children to love and respect their bodies.
Fostering sex-positivism begins very early as we teach children about the value of their bodies and the pleasure they are capable of giving and receiving. We send messages to children all the time about sex, whether we intend to or not. It's imperative to teach them about healthy outlets and relationships from the start in age appropriate ways.
7. Sex is good for you!
There are so many health benefits to sex that are often overlooked. This is by no means a definitive list, but here are a few:
- strengthens your immune system
- lowers blood pressure
- reduces stress
- increases heart rate and burns calories
Read more at http://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/guide/sex-and-health.
The sex positive movement has to do with reframing the way we think about sex. Is there anything you would add to this list?
February 11, 2016
The Club - an Excerpt from The Playground
I have agreed, enthusiastically in fact, to accompany my three muses to a club tonight, and by club, I mean a swing club. They are taking me to a secluded, out-of-the-way retreat in rural Pennsylvania which is not far from my sons' college. I feel both bad and weird about being this close to them without saying hello, but A) they would probably be mortified if my girlfriends and I descended on their campus on a Saturday night and B) they are going to be home for the holidays next weekend anyway. I nearly forgot Point C, which is that they better be studying their asses off for finals.
I feel like we are driving forever, give or take a few miles. Twists, turns, hills (which we don't have in our neck of the woods) carry us closer and closer to our destination. Finally, there's an obscured gravel lane leading to a big warehouse sort of building. At first I'm like, whoa, that place looks scary and deserted, but then we drive behind the building into a large parking lot. It wraps around a smaller building with a porch decorated with strands of blue and green Christmas lights. The neon sign hanging off the porch says "Paradise" in green and blue lights and is accompanied by a tropical flower and a pink flamingo. I have a feeling we're not in Kansas anymore, or southeastern Pennsylvania for that matter.
"How the hell did you find out about this place?" Brandi asks Shanna the question dominating the rest of our minds.
"My friends Joan and Patrick own it," she answers. "They just bought it last year and remodeled, so the doors have only been open a few months now. I kept promising to come up and check it out. So here we are!"
The club has a holiday theme tonight, so we're all sporting bags with our "costumes" to change into. I am not sure how, but they talked me into buying a skimpy red velvet babydoll with white marabou trim around the neckline and flouncy bottom, which barely, and I do mean barely covers my ass. I will have to survey the situation and probably down a drink or two before I will even consider putting it on. Up until that point, I'm wearing a fairly unassuming black wrap dress with little red roses on it. It's not entirely un-christmasy, but it certainly covers plenty of skin.
The hostess is wearing a sexy elf costume. Sexy elf seems like an oxymoron to me, but to each her own, I suppose. She jingles as she gives us a tour of the club, taking special care to point out all the bathrooms and the hot tub room. There's also an area with couches and pool tables, a night-club area with the bar and a stage, a dining room with a food service counter and buffet, and a hallway with a dozen or so bedrooms for playing. She demonstrates how they are equipped with condoms, towels, extra sheets, and so on. One has a sex swing. Another has a Sybian, which Shanna says she will explain later. I feel like I'm being inducted into the strangest summer camp experience of my life.
The decor of the club stays true to the tropical theme established via the neon sign out front. Staff members are festooned with leis and offer leis to guests as they arrive, which is putting off a real Christmas in Hawaii vibe. The night club area furniture is upholstered in a vibrant flower print and bamboo curtains separate some of the play areas in the bigger rooms. The hot tub room is a veritable oasis with two rock-lined tubs, faux palm trees decorated with white lights and strings of colorful paper lanterns hanging overhead.
Our elven hostess, Dawn, asks if we have any questions before turning us loose in the club. "Are Joan and Patrick here?" Shanna asks. "I was hoping to say hi to them. I'm an old friend."
"Of course!" Dawn smiles. "Wait here."
We have returned to the small lobby where another sexy elf, this one male, is processing our membership paperwork. I can't believe everything that has to be filled out, including a non-disclosure agreement. I wonder if anyone balks at providing the proper identification? I might care more if I were in Maryland but I've been told that what happens in PA, stays in PA. We'll see about that!
After a few minutes, the beaded curtain parts and in walks a couple whom I presume to be Joan and Patrick. Joan looks like she could be Shanna's older sister with impossibly long legs propped up on 70's style platform shoes. They're sparkly gold and match her sparkly gold dress. She just needs
some Farrah Faucett hair, and she would look exactly like a dancer on the classic television program Solid Gold. Her partner, Patrick, is a short, wiry man in a three-piece black suit, complete with sparkly gold tie and vest, with a thin, dark mustache and thick glasses. I expect to see a gold chain to complete the look, but fail to find it and I'm slightly disappointed by that. Shanna throws her arms around him, almost knocking him to the ground. Then he stands in between Shanna and Joan as if he's at the height of ecstasy (pardon the pun). With them in their crazy high heels, he comes right up to their boobs. "So, introduce us to all your friends!" Joan schmoozes, giving us all the once over with her heavily made-up eyes. "This is Amanda, she's the pretty one," Shanna begins to introduce us from left to right. "This is Brandi, she's the crazy one!" Then she gestures toward me. "And this is Journey. She's our newbie and the funny one of the group!" I feel like we should each be doing a little curtsy as we're presented to the Queen of Disco.
"Please, call me Josie," I say, wondering how many women there are named Journey in the Great State of Pennsylvania. I'm going to guess zero, and I'm also going to try to get my real name out of their heads before the weirdness-of-it factor starts to set in. Also, I'm the funny one? I'd rather be the smokin' hot one but I guess funny will have to do. To have a shot at the smokin' hot title, I'm probably going to have to put on the aforementioned velvet and marabou get-up. Awesome.
I feel like we are driving forever, give or take a few miles. Twists, turns, hills (which we don't have in our neck of the woods) carry us closer and closer to our destination. Finally, there's an obscured gravel lane leading to a big warehouse sort of building. At first I'm like, whoa, that place looks scary and deserted, but then we drive behind the building into a large parking lot. It wraps around a smaller building with a porch decorated with strands of blue and green Christmas lights. The neon sign hanging off the porch says "Paradise" in green and blue lights and is accompanied by a tropical flower and a pink flamingo. I have a feeling we're not in Kansas anymore, or southeastern Pennsylvania for that matter.
"How the hell did you find out about this place?" Brandi asks Shanna the question dominating the rest of our minds.
"My friends Joan and Patrick own it," she answers. "They just bought it last year and remodeled, so the doors have only been open a few months now. I kept promising to come up and check it out. So here we are!"
The club has a holiday theme tonight, so we're all sporting bags with our "costumes" to change into. I am not sure how, but they talked me into buying a skimpy red velvet babydoll with white marabou trim around the neckline and flouncy bottom, which barely, and I do mean barely covers my ass. I will have to survey the situation and probably down a drink or two before I will even consider putting it on. Up until that point, I'm wearing a fairly unassuming black wrap dress with little red roses on it. It's not entirely un-christmasy, but it certainly covers plenty of skin.
The hostess is wearing a sexy elf costume. Sexy elf seems like an oxymoron to me, but to each her own, I suppose. She jingles as she gives us a tour of the club, taking special care to point out all the bathrooms and the hot tub room. There's also an area with couches and pool tables, a night-club area with the bar and a stage, a dining room with a food service counter and buffet, and a hallway with a dozen or so bedrooms for playing. She demonstrates how they are equipped with condoms, towels, extra sheets, and so on. One has a sex swing. Another has a Sybian, which Shanna says she will explain later. I feel like I'm being inducted into the strangest summer camp experience of my life.
The decor of the club stays true to the tropical theme established via the neon sign out front. Staff members are festooned with leis and offer leis to guests as they arrive, which is putting off a real Christmas in Hawaii vibe. The night club area furniture is upholstered in a vibrant flower print and bamboo curtains separate some of the play areas in the bigger rooms. The hot tub room is a veritable oasis with two rock-lined tubs, faux palm trees decorated with white lights and strings of colorful paper lanterns hanging overhead.
Our elven hostess, Dawn, asks if we have any questions before turning us loose in the club. "Are Joan and Patrick here?" Shanna asks. "I was hoping to say hi to them. I'm an old friend."
"Of course!" Dawn smiles. "Wait here."
We have returned to the small lobby where another sexy elf, this one male, is processing our membership paperwork. I can't believe everything that has to be filled out, including a non-disclosure agreement. I wonder if anyone balks at providing the proper identification? I might care more if I were in Maryland but I've been told that what happens in PA, stays in PA. We'll see about that!
After a few minutes, the beaded curtain parts and in walks a couple whom I presume to be Joan and Patrick. Joan looks like she could be Shanna's older sister with impossibly long legs propped up on 70's style platform shoes. They're sparkly gold and match her sparkly gold dress. She just needs
some Farrah Faucett hair, and she would look exactly like a dancer on the classic television program Solid Gold. Her partner, Patrick, is a short, wiry man in a three-piece black suit, complete with sparkly gold tie and vest, with a thin, dark mustache and thick glasses. I expect to see a gold chain to complete the look, but fail to find it and I'm slightly disappointed by that. Shanna throws her arms around him, almost knocking him to the ground. Then he stands in between Shanna and Joan as if he's at the height of ecstasy (pardon the pun). With them in their crazy high heels, he comes right up to their boobs. "So, introduce us to all your friends!" Joan schmoozes, giving us all the once over with her heavily made-up eyes. "This is Amanda, she's the pretty one," Shanna begins to introduce us from left to right. "This is Brandi, she's the crazy one!" Then she gestures toward me. "And this is Journey. She's our newbie and the funny one of the group!" I feel like we should each be doing a little curtsy as we're presented to the Queen of Disco.
"Please, call me Josie," I say, wondering how many women there are named Journey in the Great State of Pennsylvania. I'm going to guess zero, and I'm also going to try to get my real name out of their heads before the weirdness-of-it factor starts to set in. Also, I'm the funny one? I'd rather be the smokin' hot one but I guess funny will have to do. To have a shot at the smokin' hot title, I'm probably going to have to put on the aforementioned velvet and marabou get-up. Awesome.
January 28, 2016
Mothers Against Body Shaming
MABS? If this is a thing, I'm in.
So today I posted about the mother who called out a saleslady whom she felt body shamed her 13-year-old daughter. Read about it here. I posted the story on my K.L. Montgomery, Author Facebook page because I often share body image-related news stories with my readers. A couple of hours later, I was surprised to see some pretty mean-spirited and ignorant comments on the same story shared by other news outlets. Basically a lot of people were bashing the mom AND calling the teen girl fat.
After I got over my initial "What the fuck is wrong with these people?" reaction, I started wondering how people could be so misinformed about what body shaming is or what kinds of detrimental effects it can have on victims. Yes, I used the word victims. One of the criticisms of the mom was that she was being a whiny, too-easily-offended "pussy" victim. Not even kidding, the P Word was invoked.
Before I go into how troubling that is and why, I want you to imagine this for a moment:
You're in a store shopping for clothes for your 13-year-old son. The salesman says, "I think his body would look just PERFECT in this outfit if he put on this undergarment."
How would you react? I personally would be having a major WTF moment. That's because men and boys don't typically wear undergarments to perfect their bodies. Men and boys aren't typically sent the message from birth that it is their job to look pretty and to maintain a certain figure while still managing to have big boobs and curves. But wait! Not too curvy! That's why we have Spanx, right?
Body shaming happens when someone is told their body is not normal, not attractive, unlovable, undesirable, or somehow inferior to an arbitrary societal ideal. While there is nothing wrong with wanting to look your best or to dress to flatter your figure, when someone ELSE judges what would be best for your body (telling you to lose weight, tone up, wear shapewear, get breast implants, undergo plastic surgery, etc) then THAT is body shaming.
The reason I applaud the mother for bringing this issue to the saleslady's attention - and really, to everyone's attention - is because it probably was a well-intentioned suggestion. We don't think anything of wearing or selling articles of clothing that flatten, compress, or conceal bulges. But this was a 13-year-old girl, a girl probably still getting used to her newly-minted adult-shaped body. I think we need to be careful what messages we're sending to girls and young women. We need to be more careful what messages we send to every woman. We're so conditioned to try to achieve this narrowly-defined societal ideal of "perfection," we don't even realize when we are body shaming. It's just that prevalent.
Oh and, seriously, if you think this girl is fat, then you have other problems entirely.
Body shaming and its cousin fat shaming produce negative effects. Neither activity results in "shaming" victims into eating healthily or taking care of their bodies. Research shows that this type of bullying reinforces bad habits and has serious psychological consequences. For me personally, being body shamed by my mother and others has led to a lifestyle of weight issues and eating disorders.
I applaud this mother who told her daughter that there is nothing wrong with her body the way it is, and she doesn't need to achieve society's very messed-up perception of "perfection." She is beautiful just the way she is. I know so many girls and women who need to hear that message. I'm so glad this young woman did.
So today I posted about the mother who called out a saleslady whom she felt body shamed her 13-year-old daughter. Read about it here. I posted the story on my K.L. Montgomery, Author Facebook page because I often share body image-related news stories with my readers. A couple of hours later, I was surprised to see some pretty mean-spirited and ignorant comments on the same story shared by other news outlets. Basically a lot of people were bashing the mom AND calling the teen girl fat.
After I got over my initial "What the fuck is wrong with these people?" reaction, I started wondering how people could be so misinformed about what body shaming is or what kinds of detrimental effects it can have on victims. Yes, I used the word victims. One of the criticisms of the mom was that she was being a whiny, too-easily-offended "pussy" victim. Not even kidding, the P Word was invoked.
Before I go into how troubling that is and why, I want you to imagine this for a moment:
You're in a store shopping for clothes for your 13-year-old son. The salesman says, "I think his body would look just PERFECT in this outfit if he put on this undergarment."
How would you react? I personally would be having a major WTF moment. That's because men and boys don't typically wear undergarments to perfect their bodies. Men and boys aren't typically sent the message from birth that it is their job to look pretty and to maintain a certain figure while still managing to have big boobs and curves. But wait! Not too curvy! That's why we have Spanx, right?
Body shaming happens when someone is told their body is not normal, not attractive, unlovable, undesirable, or somehow inferior to an arbitrary societal ideal. While there is nothing wrong with wanting to look your best or to dress to flatter your figure, when someone ELSE judges what would be best for your body (telling you to lose weight, tone up, wear shapewear, get breast implants, undergo plastic surgery, etc) then THAT is body shaming.
The reason I applaud the mother for bringing this issue to the saleslady's attention - and really, to everyone's attention - is because it probably was a well-intentioned suggestion. We don't think anything of wearing or selling articles of clothing that flatten, compress, or conceal bulges. But this was a 13-year-old girl, a girl probably still getting used to her newly-minted adult-shaped body. I think we need to be careful what messages we're sending to girls and young women. We need to be more careful what messages we send to every woman. We're so conditioned to try to achieve this narrowly-defined societal ideal of "perfection," we don't even realize when we are body shaming. It's just that prevalent.
Oh and, seriously, if you think this girl is fat, then you have other problems entirely.
Body shaming and its cousin fat shaming produce negative effects. Neither activity results in "shaming" victims into eating healthily or taking care of their bodies. Research shows that this type of bullying reinforces bad habits and has serious psychological consequences. For me personally, being body shamed by my mother and others has led to a lifestyle of weight issues and eating disorders.
I applaud this mother who told her daughter that there is nothing wrong with her body the way it is, and she doesn't need to achieve society's very messed-up perception of "perfection." She is beautiful just the way she is. I know so many girls and women who need to hear that message. I'm so glad this young woman did.
January 19, 2016
Boobs: It's What's For Dinner
Today I found myself in a ridiculous place: arguing with someone about breastfeeding on Facebook. Granted, I was surprised because the woman I was arguing with not only claimed to be a mother who nursed her children, but is also (if I'm not mistaken) a member of the same supposedly sex-positive community I'm affiliated with. It was just another (sorry) reminder that sometimes people who are open-minded sexually are far from open-minded in other arenas.The argument revolved around a video that is making the rounds in which one woman showing a lot of cleavage/boobage is videotaped while sitting on a public bench. Then another woman, showing less boobage but breastfeeding a baby is videotaped. Both times, the comments and reactions of passersby are recorded. The second woman garnered a much more negative reaction, including some comments along the lines of "That's disgusting!"
What's so fascinating to me is that from the dawn of human existence, breasts have filled a dual role: that of sexual body part and that of baby feeding tool. Both of these roles are mentioned in The Bible, for example, yet this far into human evolution, we still haven't quite accepted that these two roles can peacefully co-exist. And I kind of wonder if that person who said the breastfeeding mother was disgusting knows that none of us would be here today if not for our breastfeeding ancestors.
The lady I was arguing with had the following stance on parenting: Women should either plan out their time in public so their babies will not need to eat, or they should not take their infants out in public, instead leaving them with their fathers or grandmothers. She felt mothers should respect other people and not let their children interfere with anyone's experience in public. She really felt like women have no business breastfeeding in public because it may offend someone. And I think she used the word "civility" like four times.
I had quite a different parenting style. First of all, at least one of my sons wouldn't take a bottle at all, so for a whlle, going anywhere without him was not really an option. Because I don't feel like mothers should be forced into seclusion for the first year or two of their children's lives, where I went, my kids went. They learned how to behave in public. And when they were hungry, I fed them. Despite trying to plan nursing times around outings, I found my babies didn't really give a shit if it was time to eat according to my schedule. They sort of had their own agendas. As for ruining other people's experiences in public, this was never really a thing for me. They might have cried once or twice, but guess what shuts up a crying baby pretty fast? A boob in their mouth, that's what!
So I'm not here to argue who is right or wrong (although feel free to share your stance). What I want to know is WHY are we still arguing about this? Women have the legal right to breastfeed wherever they choose. So why is this still such a hot button issue? What will it take to change it?
What's so fascinating to me is that from the dawn of human existence, breasts have filled a dual role: that of sexual body part and that of baby feeding tool. Both of these roles are mentioned in The Bible, for example, yet this far into human evolution, we still haven't quite accepted that these two roles can peacefully co-exist. And I kind of wonder if that person who said the breastfeeding mother was disgusting knows that none of us would be here today if not for our breastfeeding ancestors.
The lady I was arguing with had the following stance on parenting: Women should either plan out their time in public so their babies will not need to eat, or they should not take their infants out in public, instead leaving them with their fathers or grandmothers. She felt mothers should respect other people and not let their children interfere with anyone's experience in public. She really felt like women have no business breastfeeding in public because it may offend someone. And I think she used the word "civility" like four times.
I had quite a different parenting style. First of all, at least one of my sons wouldn't take a bottle at all, so for a whlle, going anywhere without him was not really an option. Because I don't feel like mothers should be forced into seclusion for the first year or two of their children's lives, where I went, my kids went. They learned how to behave in public. And when they were hungry, I fed them. Despite trying to plan nursing times around outings, I found my babies didn't really give a shit if it was time to eat according to my schedule. They sort of had their own agendas. As for ruining other people's experiences in public, this was never really a thing for me. They might have cried once or twice, but guess what shuts up a crying baby pretty fast? A boob in their mouth, that's what!
So I'm not here to argue who is right or wrong (although feel free to share your stance). What I want to know is WHY are we still arguing about this? Women have the legal right to breastfeed wherever they choose. So why is this still such a hot button issue? What will it take to change it?
January 12, 2016
Excerpt from The Playground
Note: This is only a draft
©2016 Phoebe Alexander All Rights Reserved
I count twenty-three people by the time we've finished our tour of the house, minus the bedrooms that had closed doors. It's a little overwhelming, but I am relieved there aren't more in attendance. I can't remember anyone's names. Actually, I remember faces and names, but cannot attach the correct names to their corresponding faces. There was a Cathy, a Mike, a Joe, a Beverly, a MaryAnn. Maybe another Mike? I'd say most everyone seems to be in the 30-50 year age range. A nice mix.
Amanda gestures from the kitchen. "Come and get a drink! I'll introduce you to my fiancé!"
I wonder how I missed him the first time around. But then again, I also missed Shanna's husband, Tony, so that makes me wonder if they are (were) behind one of the closed bedroom doors, and if so, with whom? I see Amanda's fiancé leaning against the granite countertop and he does not appear to have recently exerted himself, sexually or otherwise. He's tall, tan and lean with blonde hair and blue eyes, almost as young and fresh-scrubbed as she is. They pretty much make the most adorable couple ever.
I say hi and he gives me a kiss on the cheek., filling my nose with the scent of a fruity craft beer or possibly a cider. I watch Amanda put her arm around his waist and lean into him and he bends to kiss the top of her head. I can't help but let the following thought swirl around in my brain vigorously enough to start the rumblings of a headache: Andy and Amanda are pretty much Ken and Barbie. They even have matching names. What is lacking between them? Why do they feel like they need to be with others? Why do Shanna and Tony?
I mean, I know why I'm interested. I have a sexy husband at home, but he doesn't want to put out. Or he can't. I need to feel wanted again. But if Rob wanted to knock the boots a few times a week, would I even be here? Probably not. Looking at Andy and Amanda, I would bet money they are taking the skin boat to tuna town every chance they get.
I end up in the living room with Brandi. “So how does this work?” I ask, watching Shanna flirt with a group of three men near the doorway to the hall where the bedrooms are.
“Just like any party, really,” she answers. “You chat someone up, talk about what you like, dislike. And if there's enough interest and agreement between partners, you go off to find an empty room. Closed doors mean don't come in. Open means you can watch or ask to join.”
“Wow, okay, that seems weird.”
“How so? People hook up at all kinds of parties. Here there's actual deliberation and consent. It's much safer,” she explains.
“So you don't end up waking up hungover underneath some smarmy frat boy like you did in college,” I say, and she nods. Not that I ever did that in college. Nope, I was the world's most straight-laced co-ed. But sometimes I feel a little left out that I don't have any tales to tell.
Shanna disappears on the arm of a broad-shouldered younger man with a shaved head and a tattoo on his forearm of a skull with a snake coming out of it. He looks a little rough for my tastes, but to each her own, I suppose. She is wearing that dress she showed us last night, and I've personally witnessed every male in the house undressing her with his eyes. I imagine a good number of them are hedging bets about whether or not they'll be able to literally undress her by the end of the night.
Some women wouldn't want to feel objectified like that. Is it any mark of accomplishment to have an entire roomful of men salivating as they plan what they'd do with your body if given the green light? Some women would be disgusted by that prospect. Some would find it utterly humiliating.
But I'm absolutely fascinated. While everyone is nice to me and even mildly flirtatious, I don't get the vibe that men are drooling over me or that anyone is chomping at the bit to bump uglies with me. So I have to wonder what it would be like to be viewed that way, the way Shanna is. She's like a golden-haired, bronze-skinned sorceress, a legion of men under her magical spell. I've always wondered what it would be like to have that power. Even if I'm just now admitting it.
Rob has never made me feel sexy. And since he's the only man I've ever been with, I don't really know what it's like to feel that way. From the moment we started dating, he cast me in the role of “good girl,” setting me on a virtuous pedestal apart from all the promiscuous sexpots he dated from the cheerleading squad. He's never once called me sexy; he's always said he respects me, that he admires me for the way I think. As if being sexy and being admirable are mutually exclusive.
Is it disrespectful to find a woman sexy? Does it take away from her intellectual prowess? I've always bought into that dichotomy of good girl versus slut, but I'm starting to come around. I wonder why a woman who wants to be regarded as a sexual creature with needs and fantasies and desires is so intimidating. And I know I'm wondering this because of the changes that are happening in me. I'm a good person, a mother and wife, a teacher. I'm not a slut. So why am I apologetic about wanting my sexual needs addressed? I can see how someone like Shanna – also a wife, mother, teacher – would feel empowered by embracing her natural, primal femininity. This lifestyle is a celebration of womanhood, not an exploitation of it.
©2016 Phoebe Alexander All Rights Reserved
I count twenty-three people by the time we've finished our tour of the house, minus the bedrooms that had closed doors. It's a little overwhelming, but I am relieved there aren't more in attendance. I can't remember anyone's names. Actually, I remember faces and names, but cannot attach the correct names to their corresponding faces. There was a Cathy, a Mike, a Joe, a Beverly, a MaryAnn. Maybe another Mike? I'd say most everyone seems to be in the 30-50 year age range. A nice mix.
Amanda gestures from the kitchen. "Come and get a drink! I'll introduce you to my fiancé!"
I wonder how I missed him the first time around. But then again, I also missed Shanna's husband, Tony, so that makes me wonder if they are (were) behind one of the closed bedroom doors, and if so, with whom? I see Amanda's fiancé leaning against the granite countertop and he does not appear to have recently exerted himself, sexually or otherwise. He's tall, tan and lean with blonde hair and blue eyes, almost as young and fresh-scrubbed as she is. They pretty much make the most adorable couple ever.
I say hi and he gives me a kiss on the cheek., filling my nose with the scent of a fruity craft beer or possibly a cider. I watch Amanda put her arm around his waist and lean into him and he bends to kiss the top of her head. I can't help but let the following thought swirl around in my brain vigorously enough to start the rumblings of a headache: Andy and Amanda are pretty much Ken and Barbie. They even have matching names. What is lacking between them? Why do they feel like they need to be with others? Why do Shanna and Tony?
I mean, I know why I'm interested. I have a sexy husband at home, but he doesn't want to put out. Or he can't. I need to feel wanted again. But if Rob wanted to knock the boots a few times a week, would I even be here? Probably not. Looking at Andy and Amanda, I would bet money they are taking the skin boat to tuna town every chance they get.
I end up in the living room with Brandi. “So how does this work?” I ask, watching Shanna flirt with a group of three men near the doorway to the hall where the bedrooms are.
“Just like any party, really,” she answers. “You chat someone up, talk about what you like, dislike. And if there's enough interest and agreement between partners, you go off to find an empty room. Closed doors mean don't come in. Open means you can watch or ask to join.”
“Wow, okay, that seems weird.”
“How so? People hook up at all kinds of parties. Here there's actual deliberation and consent. It's much safer,” she explains.
“So you don't end up waking up hungover underneath some smarmy frat boy like you did in college,” I say, and she nods. Not that I ever did that in college. Nope, I was the world's most straight-laced co-ed. But sometimes I feel a little left out that I don't have any tales to tell.
Shanna disappears on the arm of a broad-shouldered younger man with a shaved head and a tattoo on his forearm of a skull with a snake coming out of it. He looks a little rough for my tastes, but to each her own, I suppose. She is wearing that dress she showed us last night, and I've personally witnessed every male in the house undressing her with his eyes. I imagine a good number of them are hedging bets about whether or not they'll be able to literally undress her by the end of the night.
Some women wouldn't want to feel objectified like that. Is it any mark of accomplishment to have an entire roomful of men salivating as they plan what they'd do with your body if given the green light? Some women would be disgusted by that prospect. Some would find it utterly humiliating.
But I'm absolutely fascinated. While everyone is nice to me and even mildly flirtatious, I don't get the vibe that men are drooling over me or that anyone is chomping at the bit to bump uglies with me. So I have to wonder what it would be like to be viewed that way, the way Shanna is. She's like a golden-haired, bronze-skinned sorceress, a legion of men under her magical spell. I've always wondered what it would be like to have that power. Even if I'm just now admitting it.
Rob has never made me feel sexy. And since he's the only man I've ever been with, I don't really know what it's like to feel that way. From the moment we started dating, he cast me in the role of “good girl,” setting me on a virtuous pedestal apart from all the promiscuous sexpots he dated from the cheerleading squad. He's never once called me sexy; he's always said he respects me, that he admires me for the way I think. As if being sexy and being admirable are mutually exclusive.
Is it disrespectful to find a woman sexy? Does it take away from her intellectual prowess? I've always bought into that dichotomy of good girl versus slut, but I'm starting to come around. I wonder why a woman who wants to be regarded as a sexual creature with needs and fantasies and desires is so intimidating. And I know I'm wondering this because of the changes that are happening in me. I'm a good person, a mother and wife, a teacher. I'm not a slut. So why am I apologetic about wanting my sexual needs addressed? I can see how someone like Shanna – also a wife, mother, teacher – would feel empowered by embracing her natural, primal femininity. This lifestyle is a celebration of womanhood, not an exploitation of it.
December 31, 2015
6 Things That Will Not Change in 2016
When we're on the threshold of a new year, everyone is caught up on things they want to change about themselves. They want to be thinner, healthier, richer, happier, etc. It's not that I don't see the value of self-improvement, but I also think it's important to recognize the things you got right in the previous year. That's why I'm posting this list of things that will NOT change in 2016:
1. I'm still going to be a kick-ass mom to three ridiculously smart and handsome sons and three feline fur-babies (and maybe more by the end of 2016).
2. I'm still going to be in love with an amazing man and strive to be the best wife I can be.
3. I'm once again going to publish two incredible novels that will engage and entertain a wide variety of readers while not always pleasing every taste because THAT IS IMPOSSIBLE (have to remind myself that!)
4. When I feel so moved, I'm going to write sometimes hilarious, sometimes poignant, sometimes sexy and sometimes thought-provoking blog content.
5. Also when I feel so moved, I'm going to indulge my exhibitionist streak by sharing photos of myself in which I feel sexy, desirable and beautiful.
6. I'm going to continue to reject society's outdated, misogynistic mandate that women suppress their sexual urges. I will have sex with whomever I want whenever I want and I will not feel ashamed or guilty about it.. In doing so, I will send the bold and glaring message of FUCK YOU to slut-shamers and misogynistic asshats the world over.
What do you resolve not to change in 2016?
1. I'm still going to be a kick-ass mom to three ridiculously smart and handsome sons and three feline fur-babies (and maybe more by the end of 2016).
2. I'm still going to be in love with an amazing man and strive to be the best wife I can be.
3. I'm once again going to publish two incredible novels that will engage and entertain a wide variety of readers while not always pleasing every taste because THAT IS IMPOSSIBLE (have to remind myself that!)
4. When I feel so moved, I'm going to write sometimes hilarious, sometimes poignant, sometimes sexy and sometimes thought-provoking blog content.
5. Also when I feel so moved, I'm going to indulge my exhibitionist streak by sharing photos of myself in which I feel sexy, desirable and beautiful.
6. I'm going to continue to reject society's outdated, misogynistic mandate that women suppress their sexual urges. I will have sex with whomever I want whenever I want and I will not feel ashamed or guilty about it.. In doing so, I will send the bold and glaring message of FUCK YOU to slut-shamers and misogynistic asshats the world over.
What do you resolve not to change in 2016?
December 22, 2015
The 12 Messages Women Get on Adult Sites
I think I can break down about 99% of the messages I have received on AdultFriendFinder over the years into the following categories:
Note: These are not REAL messages, just parodies.
1. The Illiterate"Waz gud babee if u lyk dis giv me a holla."
2. The Braggart"My 2 feet long cock wants to probe your Moist Caverns of Pleasure at your earliest convenience, so let me know when I can slide this baby into you. Preferably tonight."
3. The Long Distance Runner"I know I live 3000 miles from you, but maybe we could just Skype? I'm sure your highest aspiration in life has always been to have an awkward, fruitless webcam session with a complete stranger who lives on the other side of the country."
4. The Apologist"I don't match any of your preferences, so I'm very sorry, but I just had to write you on the off chance that you're bored, desperate, and have exhausted the pool of suitable candidates. Please write back and I can further confirm that I'm totally wrong for you."
5. The Flatterer"You are hands-down the most beautiful, angelic, desirable creature that God in Heaven has ever put on the Good Green Earth, and I would never be able to live with myself if I didn't seek a tiny golden chance to worship at the altar of your Goddessy Awesomeness."
6. The Insulter
"I don't have any interest in you whatsoever because you are too fat, ugly, and boring, but I still felt compelled to write you because you are ruining my aesthetic experience of this website just by having a profile here. Once again, I AM NOT INTERESTED so fuck off."
7. The Conquistador"I am attaching this photo of my Glorious Purple-Headed Warrior who has never been defeated in battle and whose prowess is renowned throughout the universe. I know when you see this Massive Weapon of Fuckstruction, you will immediately lose control of all your mental and physical faculties and desire, nay DEMAND that this soldier go to war on your hopelessly wanton and fertile soil."
8. The Entitled Traveler"Hey baby, I don't have a photo or anything but I'm going to be in your town tonight. I'm staying at the Hilton in room 574. By virtue of your being on this site, it is your civic duty to welcome me to your neck of the woods by showing up around nine o'clock and sucking my cock?"
9. The Punctuation Enthusiast"OMFG!!! I just spooged all over my keyboard because your pics are fucking amazing!!! OMFG I just can't even!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
10. The Weird Fetishist"Hey just wondering if you are into men who like to have their pubic hair pulled and nut-sacks twisted whilst being smacked on the ass with a large, pine switch. Me wearing diapers and a bib is completely optional. I can also take a cucumber up the ass. Or a can of whipped cream. Totally your choice. You know, if you're into that sort of thing."
11. The Job Seeker"I'm 6'2", 185 pounds, truly a perfect male specimen with six pack abs, a full head of hair, straight white teeth and piercing blue eyes. I am a heart surgeon, a former Army Ranger and Olympian, and I speak six languages. I am also a MENSA member and in my spare time I rescue and rehome abandoned puppies."
12. The Honest-to-God Prospect"Hi, I read your profile and it seems like we are looking for the same things. I'm open-minded and local to you, and would love to meet for a drink to see if we click. Please look at my fully filled-out profile and let me know if you have any interest. Oh, and here's a recent photo that shows my face."
Ever seen any of these? Ever sent any of them?
Note: These are not REAL messages, just parodies.
1. The Illiterate"Waz gud babee if u lyk dis giv me a holla."
2. The Braggart"My 2 feet long cock wants to probe your Moist Caverns of Pleasure at your earliest convenience, so let me know when I can slide this baby into you. Preferably tonight."
3. The Long Distance Runner"I know I live 3000 miles from you, but maybe we could just Skype? I'm sure your highest aspiration in life has always been to have an awkward, fruitless webcam session with a complete stranger who lives on the other side of the country."
4. The Apologist"I don't match any of your preferences, so I'm very sorry, but I just had to write you on the off chance that you're bored, desperate, and have exhausted the pool of suitable candidates. Please write back and I can further confirm that I'm totally wrong for you."
5. The Flatterer"You are hands-down the most beautiful, angelic, desirable creature that God in Heaven has ever put on the Good Green Earth, and I would never be able to live with myself if I didn't seek a tiny golden chance to worship at the altar of your Goddessy Awesomeness."
6. The Insulter
"I don't have any interest in you whatsoever because you are too fat, ugly, and boring, but I still felt compelled to write you because you are ruining my aesthetic experience of this website just by having a profile here. Once again, I AM NOT INTERESTED so fuck off."
7. The Conquistador"I am attaching this photo of my Glorious Purple-Headed Warrior who has never been defeated in battle and whose prowess is renowned throughout the universe. I know when you see this Massive Weapon of Fuckstruction, you will immediately lose control of all your mental and physical faculties and desire, nay DEMAND that this soldier go to war on your hopelessly wanton and fertile soil."
8. The Entitled Traveler"Hey baby, I don't have a photo or anything but I'm going to be in your town tonight. I'm staying at the Hilton in room 574. By virtue of your being on this site, it is your civic duty to welcome me to your neck of the woods by showing up around nine o'clock and sucking my cock?"
9. The Punctuation Enthusiast"OMFG!!! I just spooged all over my keyboard because your pics are fucking amazing!!! OMFG I just can't even!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
10. The Weird Fetishist"Hey just wondering if you are into men who like to have their pubic hair pulled and nut-sacks twisted whilst being smacked on the ass with a large, pine switch. Me wearing diapers and a bib is completely optional. I can also take a cucumber up the ass. Or a can of whipped cream. Totally your choice. You know, if you're into that sort of thing."
11. The Job Seeker"I'm 6'2", 185 pounds, truly a perfect male specimen with six pack abs, a full head of hair, straight white teeth and piercing blue eyes. I am a heart surgeon, a former Army Ranger and Olympian, and I speak six languages. I am also a MENSA member and in my spare time I rescue and rehome abandoned puppies."
12. The Honest-to-God Prospect"Hi, I read your profile and it seems like we are looking for the same things. I'm open-minded and local to you, and would love to meet for a drink to see if we click. Please look at my fully filled-out profile and let me know if you have any interest. Oh, and here's a recent photo that shows my face."
Ever seen any of these? Ever sent any of them?
December 11, 2015
Victim of My Own Body-Shaming
I remember the first time I suspected that my weight had held me back or caused me loss.
It was 2006 and I had interviewed for a job in North Carolina. It was one of those grueling academic interviews that takes 48 hours and you meet with a search committee, a dean, as well as many other groups, and are tasked with presenting a "mock lesson." I didn't get the job, and for some reason, I came away with the impression that my size 18/20 body had something to do with it. The entire search committee was made up of thin-to-average-built people.
Later I convinced myself I was being silly. I was letting my own insecurities cloud my usual rational judgment. Obviously, I wasn't hired because they found a more suitable, more experienced candidate. Someone who was a better "fit." Not necessarily someone who could fit into a size 8. They were hiring a librarian, not a model.
Now, nearly a decade later, during which my weight has bounced around but stayed in the size 16-18-20 range, I have an entire catalog of experiences that have made me question whether or not my weight played a role in a negative outcome. Did I not get that promotion because of my size? Did that guy not call me after our date because he thought I was too big? Did my boyfriend not want to propose to me because I'm fat? Did that saleslady ignore me because I'm obviously too large to be shopping in this store? Did that waitress roll her eyes at me because I'm not ordering a salad?
Even as recently as today, I have wondered if my weight is holding me back professionally. My job duties include going out into the community to recruit students into an academic program as well as convincing local businesses to hire our students for internships and jobs. My whole job is about making connections. I can't help but wonder sometimes if I would have an easier time forging relationships and coming off as professional, polished, and persuasive if I were thinner.
I'm being ridiculous, right?
Do a google search on obesity discrimination or stigma and see if you think it's ridiculous. It's a thing. A real, empirically-studied thing. And because I'm a former research librarian, check out this article in specific, which provides the following quote:
"The present research demonstrates that, in addition to poorer mental health outcomes, weight discrimination has implications for obesity. Rather than motivating individuals to lose weight, weight discrimination increases risk for obesity."
But here's the thing, the thing that bothers me most: I've never felt like other people were to blame for judging me by my size. I always felt like it was up to me to diet and be thinner so I could be more closely aligned with societal expectations and standards.
And that, I now realize, is pretty fucked up.
I'm part of the problem. But that's how deeply entrenched these prejudices run, that even though I consider myself an advocate for body positivism, I am not able to extend that understanding and acceptance to myself. I wrote a whole book on these ideals and I still haven't internalized them for myself.
I have a long way to go.
December 2, 2015
Tim Tebow and the Case for Minding Your Own Sex Life
I never thought I'd blog about Tim Tebow. But this crossed over into I Need To Make A Statement Territory. Tim Tebow.
Prior to now, every time I have heard a story about him in the media, I've pretty much tuned out. I am just not interested in someone who continues to drink the Evangelical Holier-Than-Thou Christian Kool-Aid. That was me prior to 2007 when I got a clue. I'm still a Christian, but not the judgy asshole type.
But this new story about how he and Miss Universe have parted ways because she wanted to have premarital sex and he didn't has crossed into Hmm I Need To Make A Statement About That territory.
Why?
It's a classic case of sexism and misogyny with a side of slut-shaming and virgin-shaming.
Apparently wanting to be abstinent till marriage is not very manly. That's some sexist bullshit right there.
And people are saying she's crazy for missing out on a good man. She should have just sucked it up and done without sex. That's some rampant slut-shaming.
I love when people give themselves the authority to comment on other people's perfectly legal and acceptable sexual choices. What the actual fuck? Both of their decisions are valid.
She wants the cock. He wants to be faithful. THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH EITHER OF THESE CHOICES. I applaud them for figuring out that they are not compatible and moving on with their lives.
As I have said a zillion times, if you feel the need to analyze what's going on in someone else's bedroom, you don't have enough action in your own.
- See more at: https://scriggler.com/DetailPost/Opin... never thought I'd blog about Tim Tebow. But this crossed over into I Need To Make A Statement Territory.Tim Tebow.
Prior to now, every time I have heard a story about him in the media, I've pretty much tuned out. I am just not interested in someone who continues to drink the Evangelical Holier-Than-Thou Christian Kool-Aid. That was me prior to 2007 when I got a clue. I'm still a Christian, but not the judgy asshole type.
But this new story about how he and Miss Universe have parted ways because she wanted to have premarital sex and he didn't has crossed into I Need To Make a Statement About This Territory.
Why?
It's a classic case of sexism and misogyny with a side of slut-shaming and virgin-shaming.
Apparently wanting to be abstinent till marriage is not very manly. That's some sexist bullshit right there.
And people are saying she's crazy for missing out on a good man. She should have just sucked it up and done without sex. That's some rampant slut-shaming.
I love when people give themselves the authority to comment on other people's perfectly legal and acceptable sexual choices. What the actual fuck? Both of their decisions are valid.
She wants the cock. He wants to be faithful. THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH EITHER OF THESE CHOICES. I applaud them for figuring out that they are not compatible and moving on with their lives.
As I have said a zillion times, if you feel the need to analyze what's going on in someone else's bedroom, you don't have enough action in your own. Tim Tebow.
Prior to now, every time I have heard a story about him in the media, I've pretty much tuned out. I am just not interested in someone who continues to drink the Evangelical Holier-Than-Thou Christian Kool-Aid. That was me prior to 2007 when I got a clue. I'm still a Christian, but not the judgy asshole type.
But this new story about how he and Miss Universe have parted ways because she wanted to have premarital sex and he didn't has crossed into Hmm I Need To Make A Statement About That territory.
Why?
It's a classic case of sexism and misogyny with a side of slut-shaming and virgin-shaming.
Apparently wanting to be abstinent till marriage is not very manly. That's some sexist bullshit right there.
And people are saying she's crazy for missing out on a good man. She should have just sucked it up and done without sex. That's some rampant slut-shaming.
I love when people give themselves the authority to comment on other people's perfectly legal and acceptable sexual choices. What the actual fuck? Both of their decisions are valid.
She wants the cock. He wants to be faithful. THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH EITHER OF THESE CHOICES. I applaud them for figuring out that they are not compatible and moving on with their lives.
As I have said a zillion times, if you feel the need to analyze what's going on in someone else's bedroom, you don't have enough action in your own.
- See more at: https://scriggler.com/DetailPost/Opin...
Prior to now, every time I have heard a story about him in the media, I've pretty much tuned out. I am just not interested in someone who continues to drink the Evangelical Holier-Than-Thou Christian Kool-Aid. That was me prior to 2007 when I got a clue. I'm still a Christian, but not the judgy asshole type.
But this new story about how he and Miss Universe have parted ways because she wanted to have premarital sex and he didn't has crossed into Hmm I Need To Make A Statement About That territory.
Why?
It's a classic case of sexism and misogyny with a side of slut-shaming and virgin-shaming.
Apparently wanting to be abstinent till marriage is not very manly. That's some sexist bullshit right there.
And people are saying she's crazy for missing out on a good man. She should have just sucked it up and done without sex. That's some rampant slut-shaming.
I love when people give themselves the authority to comment on other people's perfectly legal and acceptable sexual choices. What the actual fuck? Both of their decisions are valid.
She wants the cock. He wants to be faithful. THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH EITHER OF THESE CHOICES. I applaud them for figuring out that they are not compatible and moving on with their lives.
As I have said a zillion times, if you feel the need to analyze what's going on in someone else's bedroom, you don't have enough action in your own.
- See more at: https://scriggler.com/DetailPost/Opin... never thought I'd blog about Tim Tebow. But this crossed over into I Need To Make A Statement Territory.Tim Tebow.
Prior to now, every time I have heard a story about him in the media, I've pretty much tuned out. I am just not interested in someone who continues to drink the Evangelical Holier-Than-Thou Christian Kool-Aid. That was me prior to 2007 when I got a clue. I'm still a Christian, but not the judgy asshole type.
But this new story about how he and Miss Universe have parted ways because she wanted to have premarital sex and he didn't has crossed into I Need To Make a Statement About This Territory.
Why?
It's a classic case of sexism and misogyny with a side of slut-shaming and virgin-shaming.
Apparently wanting to be abstinent till marriage is not very manly. That's some sexist bullshit right there.
And people are saying she's crazy for missing out on a good man. She should have just sucked it up and done without sex. That's some rampant slut-shaming.
I love when people give themselves the authority to comment on other people's perfectly legal and acceptable sexual choices. What the actual fuck? Both of their decisions are valid.
She wants the cock. He wants to be faithful. THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH EITHER OF THESE CHOICES. I applaud them for figuring out that they are not compatible and moving on with their lives.
As I have said a zillion times, if you feel the need to analyze what's going on in someone else's bedroom, you don't have enough action in your own. Tim Tebow.
Prior to now, every time I have heard a story about him in the media, I've pretty much tuned out. I am just not interested in someone who continues to drink the Evangelical Holier-Than-Thou Christian Kool-Aid. That was me prior to 2007 when I got a clue. I'm still a Christian, but not the judgy asshole type.
But this new story about how he and Miss Universe have parted ways because she wanted to have premarital sex and he didn't has crossed into Hmm I Need To Make A Statement About That territory.
Why?
It's a classic case of sexism and misogyny with a side of slut-shaming and virgin-shaming.
Apparently wanting to be abstinent till marriage is not very manly. That's some sexist bullshit right there.
And people are saying she's crazy for missing out on a good man. She should have just sucked it up and done without sex. That's some rampant slut-shaming.
I love when people give themselves the authority to comment on other people's perfectly legal and acceptable sexual choices. What the actual fuck? Both of their decisions are valid.
She wants the cock. He wants to be faithful. THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH EITHER OF THESE CHOICES. I applaud them for figuring out that they are not compatible and moving on with their lives.
As I have said a zillion times, if you feel the need to analyze what's going on in someone else's bedroom, you don't have enough action in your own.
- See more at: https://scriggler.com/DetailPost/Opin...
