Brandon Stanton's Blog, page 85

(¼) “My wife had been pushing to expand our family for...

(¼)  “My wife had been pushing to expand our family for eight years, but I kept resisting.  I kept saying:  ‘What’s wrong with you? We’re almost done.’  We were nearly forty years old.  It was the second marriage for both of us.  Our teenagers were about to graduate from high school.  But she couldn’t have children naturally, and there was always a deep yearning to adopt.  She subscribed to a website called ‘Rainbow Kids,’ which featured children with special needs.  She’d show me a profile from time to time.  But I just couldn’t do it.  It seemed like too much work.  Then one day in 2015 we had an outside speaker visit our office.  He talked about his child with Down syndrome.  And my heart was completely changed.  I went home and told my wife the story.  I was crying.  She was crying.  And I think both of us knew what was going to happen.  A few days later she forwarded me an email from Rainbow Kids.  The title was ‘Magnificent Miles.’  He was living in a Taiwanese orphanage.  Just a beautiful little boy.  Fifteen months old.  Fluffy hair.  And all alone.  We knew it was our son.” (Special Olympics World Games, Abu Dhabi, UAE)

“Ms. Purevsuren is everything to me. She’s the best special...

“Ms. Purevsuren is everything to me.  She’s the best special education teacher in all of Mongolia.  She loves all of her students.  When my mother died two years ago, my school wanted to send me to an orphanage.  But Ms. Purevsuren volunteered to take care of me.  She has children of her own and her salary is low, but still she takes care of me.  She lifts me up.  She pays for all my expenses.  She cooks me food every night.  She even gathered a collection to buy me this judo uniform.  It’s the first time I’ve ever worn new clothes.  My mother would be so happy if she could see me right now.  She’d be so thankful.  I want so badly to win a medal, but I know that’s just a small thing.  One day I will truly pay Ms. Purevsuren back.  I will become an adult.  I will make her proud.  And I will take care of her when she’s old,  just like she took care of me.”
(Special Olympics World Games, Abu Dhabi, UAE)

(3/3) “I remember saying these horrible things. Just shut up....

(3/3)  “I remember saying these horrible things.  Just shut up.  Just please stop crying for a second.  I even had these thoughts about putting her outside.  These aren’t good memories to have.  But those first years were so dark.  There was no respite.  No days with grandma.  Nobody to tell me: ‘She has a problem and here’s how you get through it.’  We were all on our own.  And I acted pretty ugly.  There were times when I hated her.  There was a lot of yelling.  I’d get mad when we didn’t know math today that we knew yesterday.  We’d spend hours on every assignment.  And then there was the movie thing.  I’m not sure if she told you about the movie thing.  But every time she felt overwhelmed she’d recite movies word-for-word.  And she’d come home with tears on her glasses because the other kids would make fun of her.  And I just wanted her to stop.  It’s not difficult.  Just stop talking to yourself.  Everything was so hard, and I wanted it to hurry up.  It was so much work.  I couldn’t relax.  I couldn’t get out of my own head.  I was never able to say: ‘Fuck it. We’re not doing this today. You don’t have to improve today.  It’s OK for you to be who you are.’  I never got there.  But I know I’m forgiven.  The Bible doesn’t say that you have to forgive yourself.  I know I’m forgiven.   And Renee forgives me of course.  I’ve apologized so many times.  She doesn’t like to see me cry, so she just pats me on the back and says: ‘I know, Mom. I know.’  I just wish I could have known that we’d get here one day.  I never thought she’d find her way out.  That she’d find her voice.  That one day she’d be able to tell me how lonely she felt.  And that I could tell her how sorry I am.”            
(Special Olympics World Games, Abu Dhabi, UAE)

(2/3) “My passion is movies and I can talk about those nonstop....

(2/3) “My passion is movies and I can talk about those nonstop.  Some people with autism have a keen interest in things like birds and how fast they can soar.  But for me it’s movies.  I’ve memorized Land Before Time.  And a lot of Disney movies.  And most of Star Wars.  Sometimes when I was younger I’d quote entire movies word-for-word because it was my way of calming down.  Like rocking in a chair.  Or swinging on a swing.  But I kept getting in trouble at school.  Even though school was hard at least I had stuff to do.  Because when I turned nineteen, I just lived at home with my family and I was pretty much left alone.  I would just swing on our outside swing and daydream, and while that was great and stuff, it was pretty much like my life had ended.  When I first joined Special Olympics I was nervous because whenever we played tetherball at school, kids would sigh and say: ‘Renee!’  And that never helped.  But Special Olympics was different.  It showed me- well actually God showed me that there are people just like me.  My teammates don’t even mind my movie quotes because almost everyone has something they love.  Duncan loves sports and talks like a broadcaster.  And Nicole loves to write in her diary.  It’s great to be around people like me.  I’m not even sure where I’d be without Special Olympics.  I’d probably still be on the swing.”
(Special Olympics World Games, Abu Dhabi, UAE)

(1/3) “It was obvious from the very beginning. Abnormal wrist...

(1/3)  “It was obvious from the very beginning.  Abnormal wrist and ankle movements.  No eye contact.  Poor eating patterns.  She didn’t sleep until she was 2.5 years old.  And she never liked to be rocked or snuggled.  There’s a groove you get into with a child, and we just never got there.  The bonding didn’t happen: not for her, and not for me.  Those first couple years were so dark.  Every day I thought it was going to get better.  I’d tell myself: ‘I’ll get it right today.’  But I never did.  Our pediatrician didn’t have any experience with this stuff.  I never even heard the word ‘autism’ until she was two years old.  And I’ll tell you what: it was a relief to finally hear that word.  To finally learn there was something wrong… but let’s not say ‘wrong’,  something different about her.  It wasn’t just that she didn’t like baby food.  Or that she didn’t want her mom.  It was something else.  It was something different.  When I walked out of the doctor’s office that day, it was the first time I felt like I wanted to defend her.  It was the first time I felt like we were on the same team.”
(Special Olympics World Games, Abu Dhabi, UAE)

“When I was little I’d have like five seizures a day. It was...

“When I was little I’d have like five seizures a day.  It was horrible and I was always scared.  But one week after my eleventh birthday, my mom and dad decided to get me brain surgery.  Now I don’t have to worry about seizures and falling all the time.  But I can only use one arm now.  And because of the surgery there’s a lot of stuff I don’t know if I can do, like living on my own and stuff.  I met Katie at the Special Olympics office.  We’re part of a program where you team up with someone who doesn’t have a disability and become like best buds and stuff.  At first I didn’t know what to do because, you know, new people.  But then it was like OK, I’m making a new friend.  A real friend.  We only see each other every couple weeks, but we’ve watched so much Brooklyn Nine-Nine.  And we have so many inside jokes.  And we even have our own hashtag.  And without Katie, I don’t know man.  It would be just like it was before, but I wouldn’t have somebody to do this stuff with.  I’m having a really hard time right now.  My brother was diagnosed with schizophrenia and he’s going through so much and it’s so, so hard.  And sometimes he calls me names but I know he doesn’t mean it.  And it’s just so hard.  But whenever I feel down and stuff, I can just go in my room and think about all the fun memories I have with Katie.”
(Special Olympics World Games, Abu Dhabi, UAE)

“You know that feeling when you walk up to somebody, and they...

“You know that feeling when you walk up to somebody, and they don’t really give you eye contact, because they don’t want to talk to you?  Well a few of the kids in school started treating me that way.  Other people saw it happening and it spread so fast.  Because everyone learned that it was the normal way to behave.  And everyone wanted to be normal.  It jumped from grade to grade until the whole school was avoiding me.  I’d get cyber bullied.  My phone would vibrate all night with mean messages.  I had such a negative view of myself.  I was self-harming.  I felt so trapped in the moment.  It was so hard for me to realize that eventually it was going to stop.  Then one day I was out on the playground and the usual group of kids were picking on me.  And an older boy walked over.  He knew me from cycling.  He had a bit of power because he was from a higher grade.  He said: ‘Stop this now.  Don’t you understand what you’re doing to her?’  The whole playground saw him do that.  And after that things began to turn around.  Because people learned that was the normal way to behave.”
(Special Olympics World Games, Abu Dhabi, UAE)

(3/3) “I wanted to quit Special Olympics after the very first...

(3/3)  “I wanted to quit Special Olympics after the very first day.  It took me two hours to get there.  It was raining the whole time.  But my mom forced me to keep going, and I learned to enjoy it.  We’d go run in the park once a week.  I was around people who didn’t tease me.  Nobody called me names.  I wasn’t made to feel stupid.  After a few months our coach convinced my mom to let me go to an overnight event.  It was at Westchester State University Teachers College.  I did three events: the long jump, the softball throw, and the 50-yard dash.  I won all three.  And I’ve been competing ever since.  It’s changed my life so much I can’t explain.  I’m more confident.  I speak at schools and colleges.  I own a house.  I pay property taxes.  If there’s something not going right in my town, I’ll go down to city council and complain.  And I’m still competing.  I’m sixty-five and this year I tried out for the tennis team.  I picked weeds off a public court and spent hundreds of hours hitting the ball against a wall.  But I didn’t make the team.  And I’ll tell you what, I went back to my dorm and cried.  And it takes a lot to make me cry.  But I wanted compete so badly, because this is where I feel important.  I think the feeling I get when I win a medal is the same feeling a President gets when they’re getting elected.  It’s the feeling of achieving something that you dreamed about.  And people with intellectual disabilities don’t get to feel that enough.”  
(Special Olympics World Games, Abu Dhabi, UAE)

(2/3) “School was hell. There were just a few of us in special...

(2/3)  “School was hell.  There were just a few of us in special education and they taught us in the basement.  They offered to let me stay until I was twenty-one, but I wanted out.  So I went to a workshop for people with intellectual and physical disabilities.  Vietnam was going on back then, so we were making lots of bomb stuff.  And we made it for cheap.  I got a six dollar check for two weeks of work.  I was still very rough back then.  I was angry.  And one morning I took a hammer to a guy for picking on me.  The bosses called me to the office.  I thought for sure they’d throw me out.  But my counselor said: ‘I’ve seen you running to work every day.  And think I have something you’re going to like.’  He handed me a piece of paper and told me to take it home.  My mom didn’t like it.  She didn’t want me joining anything that cost money.  But when she noticed the line that said ‘free to participate,’ she crumpled up the piece of paper and put it in her pocket.  I thought she’d forgotten about it.  But early Saturday morning she started knocking on my door, and said: ‘You need to wake up and go to that damn Special Olympics!’”
(Special Olympics World Games, Abu Dhabi, UAE)

(1/3) “I was the easy one to pick on. I was born blind. I...

(1/3)  “I was the easy one to pick on.  I was born blind.  I didn’t walk until the age of four.  I repeated kindergarten, first, second.  They just called it mental retardation back then.  They tried to place me in hospitals.  And the other kids in the housing projects would torment me.  They’d call me Bozo and Clarence the Cross-Eyed Lion.  They’d chase me with broken bottles.  I felt worthless.  I felt like a thing.  My only protector was my older brother Hank.  He had learning problems too but he was a male so he had power.  He was state champion in running and cross-country.  Whenever he practiced, he’d let me follow behind him and carry his towels.  Eventually I got to where I could keep up with him.  No other girls were running back then.  There weren’t any female sports teams.  So people would look at me like I was crazy.  They’d say: ‘That’s Rita’s daughter.  She runs.’  A lap around the projects was one mile.  I’d run it three times every night.  It gave me solace and peace.  None of the punks who picked on me could keep up.  I grew really strong.  I had rough edges on me.  Word got around: ‘Put your hands on Loretta, and she’s gonna eat you up.’”
(Special Olympics World Games, Abu Dhabi, UAE)