Brandon Stanton's Blog, page 216

“I never imagined that I’d be happily married. My parents...

“I never imagined that I’d be happily married. My parents weren’t happily married. And not many of my parents’ friends were happily married. I’m sure they had been happy together at first. But it didn’t seem to last, so I assumed the same thing would happen to me. I just got lucky and fell in love with a genuinely nice man. He’s a great father. He sees the best in people. He’s not mean. I can’t really say that we were always happy, because happiness comes in spurts. Sometimes the stress of your career makes it hard to be a good partner. Or the disappointment you feel from not achieving personal goals. But there was never a time that I thought we were going to leave each other. And even today I still feel those spurts of happiness with him. Like when we laugh at something and I remember the times that we used to laugh a lot more together. Or when we find ourselves particularly engaged in a conversation, and I realize that after all these years, we’re still finding new things to talk about.”

“My mother was a school principal. A lot of times she worked...

“My mother was a school principal. A lot of times she worked until 8 pm, so my grandfather would always pick me up from elementary school and help me with my homework. He loved to help me with school because I was his first grandchild to get an education. He especially loved book reports. He always insisted that we decorate the cover of the report in case we needed an extra bump in our grade. If it was a Halloween book report, he’d make a witch out of toilet paper and straws. He always told me that it was his dream to see me finish college. But the day before I graduated high school, his hand started shaking and he dropped a bowl of cereal while we were eating breakfast. It turned out he had a major stroke. He was minimally responsive after that but we kept him on life support. We thought if we prayed hard enough and believed enough, he would recover. He held on for a few years. I ended up going to the Fashion Institute of Technology, and I’d stop in every once in awhile and tell him about my grades. Toward the end, he grew very sick and blind, and his body was rejecting food. I finally graduated from FIT, and I brought him my graduation photos. Even though he couldn’t see them, I described the graduation to him. He died that night.”

“I try to come out here in the mornings before work. I know...

“I try to come out here in the mornings before work. I know what it’s like to be hungry and not have a voice. I grew up 50 years ago in the housing projects of London. We didn’t starve, but a lot of times we had nothing for dinner but beans, or maybe some ham on toast. So I went to bed hungry a lot. And when you’re a kid, you don’t really have a say in the matter. So I feed the animals because they can’t really tell you if they’re hungry. I’m not changing the fucking world. But it’s better than not doing it.”

“Before my bone marrow transplant, I had to have my immune...

“Before my bone marrow transplant, I had to have my immune system completely wiped out with chemotherapy. I went into the hospital thinking that I was going to do a lot of reading and watch old movies and catch up on work. One thing that I didn’t fully anticipate was the isolation that I’d feel. I knew I’d be physically isolated. The doctors and nurses wore masks so all I could see were their eyes. And nobody touched me unless they were administering medicine. But the pain and weakness brought me to a place where I felt completely alone. I got so weak that I couldn’t even formulate a thought. I dropped to 115 lbs. The pain got so bad that I felt like I’d swallowed a blowtorch. At one point I actually gave up. I made everyone leave my room, even my partner, and I started slipping away. I hallucinated my mother’s voice calling my name. I heard it very distinctly. But when I opened my eyes– it was my nurse Jenny that was calling me. At the point of my greatest isolation, it was almost as if my mother used Jenny’s voice to call me back.”

“We’re on the slow plan to get over her terrible beginnings. ...

“We’re on the slow plan to get over her terrible beginnings. She has a lot of PTSD. She was born in a kill shelter so she spent the first four months of her life in a cage. She’s terrified of the outside world. When I first brought her home, she wouldn’t even leave her carrier for the first three days. I had to buy a white noise box and insulate the whole apartment because she was so scared of noise. It took us a whole year before I could get her to leave the apartment. But now there are some mornings when she even asks to go outside. She tends to change her mind once we get to the elevator, but I always give her time to regroup, and she’s happy when we finally get outside. It’s so great to see her enjoy the outdoors. The happiness may only stick for a few moments at a time, but it’s so great to see.”

“Not long ago it looked like I was about to get everything. I...

“Not long ago it looked like I was about to get everything. I was one of the first employees at a company that sold for a billion dollars. So I started a new company, and everything seemed to be going perfectly, but suddenly everything came apart. This has been the toughest year of my adult life. I went bankrupt, my company failed, and the person I was in love with died. I didn’t commit suicide—though I considered it. But my ideas of myself have definitely died. I thought I was better than everyone. I saw my success as the culmination of all my positive merits. Losing everything forced me to realize how much of my good fortune was due to things that had been given to me.”

“My friend and I played on the same team since we were seven...

“My friend and I played on the same team since we were seven years old. In middle school we won the state championship together. I had 37 points. The head coach for Penn State was there, and he pulled us both aside after the game and told us that he wanted us to come play for Penn State. But I lost focus in high school. I started hanging out with friends and partying. Soon I was missing practice and the coach wouldn’t put me in the game. I got frustrated and quit my junior year. But my friend was more determined. He was always the first one at practice and the last one to leave. He always did what the coach told him. Now he starts for Villanova. And I’m back out here. I haven’t given up though. Maybe I can play overseas.”

“The first ten seconds after meeting someone new is like a...

“The first ten seconds after meeting someone new is like a valley of death for me. I don’t know how to get through it. A lot of times I’ll have a plan of something to say, like: ‘You have nice socks.’ Or maybe something nice about their hair. But the plan never works because my mind goes blank and I freeze. If the person is more outgoing than me, a lot of times they will bail me out. But if we’re both shy, we just stare at each other until one of us leaves. Recently I had an idea that I could pretend like I’m an actor playing a role. Maybe it would be easier to talk to people if I imagined I was a guy named Bill. But that didn’t work. I wasn’t very good at being Bill either.”

“I work at a tech start-up. We design sailing drones. I was...

“I work at a tech start-up. We design sailing drones. I was the tech guy but my cofounder quit and moved to Singapore. So I just bought three suits at a Brooks Brothers outlet, and now I’m the CEO.”

“I was a maintenance man for fifteen years. But then my mother...

“I was a maintenance man for fifteen years. But then my mother got cancer and she needed somebody with her all the time. I had to cook for her, clean her, help with her medicine— everything. I ended up losing my job because I’d missed so many days of work. But by that time, I started to realize that I was really good at taking care of people. So now I’m studying to be a registered nurse.”