Brandon Stanton's Blog, page 215

“I lost my ID twenty years ago, and haven’t been...

“I lost my ID twenty years ago, and haven’t been able to get a new one, so technically I don’t exist. But for the record— I do exist, my name is Paul Ambrose, I was born on July 4th, 1948, I grew up in Tennessee, and on the day Martin Luther King was killed, I said ‘fuck this shit’ and bought a bus ticket to New York because it was $20 cheaper than a ticket to California.”

“When I was first learning to drive as a teenager, it was a...

“When I was first learning to drive as a teenager, it was a completely different experience depending upon whether my father or mother was in the passenger seat. My mother was calm, so I was able to make good decisions. But my father criticized everything I did, so I overthought everything and would end up making mistakes. And that’s what my marriage was like. I based all of my decisions on how my wife would respond. Once we got divorced I moved into a small apartment. And the first morning at my new place, I slept until 11 AM. I hadn’t done that in years. And it felt great.”

“We were two incompatible people, and I made my share of...

“We were two incompatible people, and I made my share of mistakes, but it just seemed like nothing could ever make her happy. I sensed that she was upset even on the night of our wedding. She had just met my parents for the first time, and my dad was a scientist, and he showed slides from my childhood where the whole family was wearing mismatched plaids. She was a sophisticated Southern California girl, and I think that it began to dawn on her that I didn’t fit her idea of a Prince Charming. After that it was twenty-eight years of going downhill. We should have ended it. But both of us came from a religion that taught us if you went to church together, and prayed together, then everything would fix itself. But nothing I did made her happy. She wanted a house, so I bought a house and spent one thousand hours remodeling it. She claimed that I had no style, so I tried to wear new clothes. I tried dying my hair. She complained that I didn’t know how to dance, so I privately took dance lessons for two years. But when I finally surprised her by taking her out to dance, she was unimpressed. I even went to a hypnotherapist to try to be more exciting. But in the end, she basically said: ‘You’re a great father and a nice guy. You’re just too boring.’’

“I got into a very desperate situation last year. I was under...

“I got into a very desperate situation last year. I was under a lot of stress because my dad was in the hospital with a terminal illness. I didn’t have much income, my credit was bad, and I needed a new place to live. So I responded to a listing on Craigslist. And because of my desperation, I ended up living with a hoarder. I was completely despondent. So for the next two days, I walked around New York and asked hundreds of people to say a prayer for me. Or if they didn’t want to pray, I asked them to say something nice to me. Most people just said: ‘God bless you’ or ‘I hope things work out.’ I asked priests, monks, bank tellers, security guards, homeless people, mentally ill people… everyone. I’d say that I approached about 200 people. Then at the end of the two days, a post from a friend popped on my newsfeed. It said: ‘I have an empty room and need someone to move in today.’ So one of those prayers worked. I’m just not sure which one it was.”

Reviews are just starting to pour in for Luis’s performance at...

Reviews are just starting to pour in for Luis’s performance at the book launch last night. “A new era has dawned in book launches,” said the chief book launch critic of a major international newspaper. “Luis has set a new high water mark that might not be matched for decades.” Another world-renowned book launch critic, known for her unrelenting cynicism, could not help but gush: “It might have been the best knock-knock joke that I’ve ever heard—hilarious, yet nuanced, and ultimately hopeful. And that brain teaser kept me awake all night!” The event culminated with a special surprise from Ricky Syers, who presented Luis with his very own marionette, who quickly made friends with Mooshe The Guinea Pig. Mooshe was also praised by critics for a “quiet, understated performance that helped highlight the forceful brilliance of Luis.”

“I want to design Lego sets. I already have two ideas:...

“I want to design Lego sets. I already have two ideas: ‘Attack On The Bat Cave’ and 'Attack Of The Supervillians.’”

IT’S RELEASE DAY! HONY Stories is now available wherever books...

IT’S RELEASE DAY! HONY Stories is now available wherever books are sold. Always a fun day because I get to see the pictures and posts pour in from everyone who’s book just arrived on their doorstep. Hope you guys love it. I gave it everything I had. For anyone who hasn’t gotten a copy yet and would prefer to remain on the couch, the book can be ordered online for 40% off:

AMAZON: http://amzn.to/1aXqwEk
BARNES AND NOBLE: http://bit.ly/1KCQeOt
INDIEBOUND: http://bit.ly/1GUl4L6

“I had one friend, but he went to the next grade. To make a...

“I had one friend, but he went to the next grade. To make a friend, you have to talk to them which can be very hard. Most of the time, when I try to talk to them, I fail. Everyone thinks I’m a geek. I want to be a lawyer when I grow up. But just a defense lawyer. Because I’m much better at defending people than I am at accusing people. But I’d only want to defend kind people. You can tell if someone is kind by their aura. Plus, I’m smart. I know so many math facts. Ask me any math fact. Do you want a strategy for multiplying double digit numbers? If you want, I can teach you a strategy for multiplying double digit numbers.”

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Luis will be co-hosting the HONY Stories Book Launch tomorrow night at the Union Square Barnes and Noble. I don’t want to shoot off ALL our fireworks before the event, but Luis tells me there is a high probability that he will warm up the crowd with at least one knock-knock joke, as well as a particularly challenging brain teaser. There is also an 87.4 percent probability that Moochie The Guinea Pig will join us on stage. Luis also claims that he will ‘easily’ sign more books than me, but seeing that it’s a school night, I’m forced to question if he possesses the requisite endurance to back up such wild claims. We shall see. The event starts at 6PM, but capacity for the store is 1,000 people. So Barnes and Noble will be giving out wristbands beginning at 9 AM to anyone who purchases a book. Looking forward to seeing everyone who can make it.

“Luis is different. He’s got two moms. He’s an old soul. We...

“Luis is different. He’s got two moms. He’s an old soul. We live in the projects, and he doesn’t know who Michael Jordan is, or anything about rap music. He dresses himself in the morning. He chooses a button down and slacks, and sits in the kitchen with his legs crossed and reads the newspaper. But he’s still got the heart of a child. Yesterday he had $5 to buy himself a Halloween costume, and he saw a boy he knew while he was walking to the store, and he chose to buy him a costume instead. I always tell him: ‘You’re different, Luis. And that’s OK.’ When he wants to play, I walk him all the way down to Central Park, because I don’t really want him to change.”

“He likes when I give him hugs.”

“He likes when I give him hugs.”