Brandon Stanton's Blog, page 16

“We do a lot of old lady shit together: reading in the park,...

“We do a lot of old lady shit together: reading in the park, going to the grocery store, going to sleep early, cooking breakfast the next morning. I took a super iconic photo of Erin at 9 PM on a Saturday night, on the couch, wrapped in a blanket, doing Sudoku puzzles with curlers in her hair. I’m going to surprise her with it during the slideshow at our throuple wedding with our third roommate, when all of us are old and alone.”

“Every time Muhammad Ali had fights, the Blacks would show out....

“Every time Muhammad Ali had fights, the Blacks would show out. There’d be pictures in Jet Magazine. Everyone would be by the ring in their macrame hot pants and gold belts. I was inspired. I took a pair of pants and cut them so fucking short my pockets were coming out the bottom. Then I put on a baby blue ribbed lycra sweater. I was all of maybe nine years old, but I felt like the world was mine. I strutted over to my best friend’s house, and rang the doorbell. I said: ‘Is Brad home?’ His mom took one look at me and said: ‘Oh no, baby. He ain’t here.’”

“Last night I watched Casablanca for the 400th time on Channel...

“Last night I watched Casablanca for the 400th time on Channel 82. That’s enough. I don’t care what kind of bug is going around. I’m going to the movies!”

“It’s like being in Hawaii. That’s the feeling. There’s no...

“It’s like being in Hawaii. That’s the feeling. There’s no pressure, and you never want to leave. You want to stay right there and relax. You want that temporary feeling forever. But it goes away, and the pressure always comes back. Life is pressure: job interviews, things you’ve got to do, every day, getting up. It makes you want to go back to that place. I’ve been out here eight years. When I see people go by, I hear different things. People quoting and phrasing what their life is—I only get bits and pieces: ‘We’re going to the movies. We’re getting married. We’re going to Santa Cruz.’ Stuff like that. I can hear it. I know that life is out there; but you have to earn it. Determination and willpower, that’s what I need. There’s a seed in me that wants to stop. There are days I don’t want to get high. I love life. I love life, and I’m gifted. I’m gifted with age. I just turned fifty, and I think there’s more to come. I have the desire to keep going. Sometimes I think, without the drugs– what am I going to do? That voice is there too. But I have to get rid of that. Because there’s a life out there. There’s a lot more than just getting high.”

“I’m aware of it all day, every day. We’re triggered all the...

“I’m aware of it all day, every day. We’re triggered all the time, even the best of us. On the plane ride here. I’m sitting next to a casting director from Broadway, and I asked him what he thought about a particular show. He took a long pause. So I say: ‘I guess you didn’t like it.’ And he tells me: ‘The entertainment industry is forced to put on stories from marginalized communities, even if they’re not good.’ He said that to me. As a Black person. It’s like, dude. I’m just trying to make conversation. And there it is. Suddenly I’m back in my blackness. What am I supposed to do? Do I engage? Do I turn this into a learning moment? Or do I l just let him off the hook? It’s work. That’s what it is. It’s work. That’s my challenge. To walk into a room, and not have to work mentally. To be aware of my blackness; to not forget it. But to also be present. And focused. And productive. Right now I’m at a climate change conference, and I’m one of the only Black people in the room. I’ve had decades of practice, but it still takes me five minutes. To transition. To stop worrying if people believe that I belong here. To stop feeling like a unicorn. It’s five minutes of work that nobody else in the room has to do. It’s a choice to be aware of your whiteness. It’s not a choice to be aware of your blackness. It’s the difference between going to a new upscale restaurant, and going home to Mom’s table. At Mom’s table there’s nothing to figure out. You don’t have to think about what to order. Or what you’re wearing. Or what you’re going to say. You’re at ease. That’s why people go home: so they can feel at ease.”

“He doesn’t have no sibling either.”

“He doesn’t have no sibling either.”

“Get a plant and name it after yourself. I tell that to...

“Get a plant and name it after yourself. I tell that to everyone, especially if they have trouble with self-love. Take care of your plant every day. Water it, make it beautiful. If your plant is growing and nourishing, that means you’re growing and nourishing. If it’s dying, you have to ask: ‘What’s going on with me?’ Every time you see a dead leaf, pluck it off. Say out loud: ‘Get rid of dead relationships in my life.’ That means anyone who is lingering, stealing your energy, blocking your blessings. You need to put yourself first, second, and third. When you’re back to one hundred, then you can take care of the world. I learned that the hard way. I’ve been working since the age of twelve. I’ve been on my own since the age of sixteen. In my apartment there are four plants named after me. There’s Jiu Jitsu Deisy; she’s delicate but dangerous; the vines look like they’re choking each other out. There’s Yoga-Horoscope Deisy; she represents my spiritual life. There’s Rocio, which is the middle name of both me and my mother. I hated that name for a long time, until last year, when I made amends with my mom. Then the last Deisy is Little Deisy. She’s between six other plants, named after women in my life who have nourished me.”

“I packed on the muscle to cover it up. What our neighbor did to...

“I packed on the muscle to cover it up. What our neighbor did to me; when I was a kid. It left such a darkness and shadow inside me. So much anger and sexual confusion. My high school wrestling coaches used to test me for steroids every single week; that’s how much anger and aggression was inside of me. But I didn’t beat up my body with drugs, like some people do. I beat it up in the gym. Working out made me feel embodied. Like nobody would fuck with me. At the age of 21 I decided to train for the Mr. Olympia competition. I was down to 4 percent body fat. I was getting striations like crazy. Then one day I’m riding the elevator at my office, and it froze. It hovered for one second. Then it dropped. I thought I was going to die. It fell three stories before the emergency brakes kicked in. Four herniated discs in my back. Three in my neck. I needed two shoulder operations, a knee operation. I had platinum and titanium wires put into my back. It was months and months of not being able to work out. Sitting in this dark room. No sunshine. All that pain and suffering from my childhood just rushed out. I remember sitting in my wheelchair, next to a busy street, and wanting so bad to just roll over the curb. But this is a comeback story. I’m having a little bit of a comeback right now. After my last spinal surgery, I got the sense that I could lift again. I put on a garbage bag, and walked 2.5 miles a day, in 95-degree heat, carrying weights. I lost 75 pounds. The entire time I was listening to the Rocky music. Eye of The Tiger, on repeat. Rocky is my hero. He wasn’t super smart and neither am I, especially since the brain injury. But we both know how to keep fighting. I even got a tattoo of a tiger on my chest. Its mouth is open. It’s scaring the pain away: not just the physical pain, all of the pain. Right now I’m training for my first competition. It’s a just small one in December, called Classic Physique. But I went hard today, and I’m feeling super strong. I don’t want anyone feeling sorry for me. I want people to see me on the podium. I want to engrave a sentiment. That if this man can do it, anybody can. This isn’t gonna be a sad story. It’s gonna be a Rocky story.”

“It’s just nice to find someone who doesn’t...

“It’s just nice to find someone who doesn’t judge you that you can judge other people with.”

“My wife was the quarterback. Listen, I’m man enough to say...

“My wife was the quarterback. Listen, I’m man enough to say that. I led the way on the exciting stuff like vacations and road trips: ‘Let’s go to Maryland for no reason,’ and stuff like that. But she led the way at home. Our kids are sweethearts because of her. She paid all the bills. She cooked all the meals. That was her home. She was the quarterback of the house. Now my whole team got broken up, and all I got was our dog Pinky. You want me to be honest with you? I hated the fucking dog. She’s ADHD, this dog. She’ll look in your eyes and piss on the floor, this dog. We had an understanding: I didn’t like her, she didn’t like me. But on the day my wife kicked me out, I said: ‘At least let me take the dog. So I can have something to cuddle with.’ Pinky and I slept in the bed together that very first night. The next morning we looked at each other like: ‘This is how it is. I guess we gotta love each other.’ My little Pinky. That’s my whole team right now. But Pinky’s not the quarterback. I’m the quarterback.“