Brandon Stanton's Blog, page 147

“People who see us from the outside think that our greatest...

“People who see us from the outside think that our greatest struggle is the disability. It’s not. Our greatest struggle is that we’d fallen out of love with each other. I lost a lot of my independence when Tatiana was born. I fell into a depression. He was working a lot. We grew distant. I didn’t think I could ever love him again. Two years ago I prayed one night, and said: ‘God, you’ve done so much. Please grant me one more miracle and make me love him again.’ The first change came from me. He’s always been the easygoing one, so I had to change first. I started trusting more. I tried to be more forgiving and understanding. I started to cook for him and organize things around the house. And he started spending more time at home. We started enjoying each other’s company. We talked about things other than diseases. And we started going out together– just like this. It was like I suddenly met a friend, who became my best friend, who became my love. And our life started over again.”

(São Paulo, Brazil)

“She has autonomy. She has a strong will. But she can’t move....

“She has autonomy. She has a strong will. But she can’t move. So in many ways her life is my life. It’s bigger than me, it controls me, and it makes me fight like never before. We spend so much time together that she’s a part of me. She knows how important she is to me. She had childhood cancer. Her heart failed three times. And I was by her side the entire time. I never realized that I could love someone as much as this. She could never hurt me. She could never hurt anyone. We always ask her: ‘Are you angry?’, ‘Are you mad?’ And she always says ‘no.’ She laughs when I laugh. And right now I’m trying not to cry. Because she’ll cry if I cry.”

(São Paulo, Brazil)

“I want to grow up and be like my mom because I really like...

“I want to grow up and be like my mom because I really like her. But that’s going to take such a long time. Because it took me so long to turn five. And even longer to turn six. So it must have taken her so long to grow up.”

(São Paulo, Brazil)

“For Heloisa, every elderly person feels like a grandparent....

“For Heloisa, every elderly person feels like a grandparent. And she loves her grandparents. So I asked her if she wanted to have her sixth birthday party at a home for the elderly. She loved the idea. So I contacted a local home and planned everything with the coordinator. We sent invitations to the family members of all the residents. I’m a photographer, so I went a few days early and took nice portraits of all the residents. On the day of the party, I printed out the photographs and brought them as gifts for their family members. We did games and activities. There was so much joy. Everyone had such big smiles. The residents were crying. Their families were crying. I was crying. I think Heloisa will remember the experience forever. Afterward, her school friends came home with us and we had an old-fashioned pajama party.”

(São Paulo, Brazil)

“I’ve got it all figured out. Just let time go by and try not...

“I’ve got it all figured out. Just let time go by and try not to think about very much.”

(São Paulo, Brazil)

“I was voted the first in my pack! Everybody got one vote,...

“I was voted the first in my pack! Everybody got one vote, except for me, because another girl decided to vote for me. I need to show up early now because I’m in charge of making sure that everyone arrives!”

(São Paulo, Brazil)

“The cocaine made me feel important. I thought I was always...

“The cocaine made me feel important. I thought I was always right. I was fighting a lot of people. I was cheating on my wife. I felt like I had superpowers. I was hiding my addiction from everybody. Nobody knew I was using until I had a breakdown. I stayed up doing coke for three days, and became convinced that the television was speaking to me. I tried to get through the front door of the largest television station in Brazil– screaming that I was Jesus. They put me in a clinic for eighteen days. That was three years ago. I don’t mind talking about it. I’m embarrassed by it, but it happened. And it caused me to get clean. It was humiliating, but it’s also the reason I’m able to sit on this bench– calm, relaxed, and not thinking about drugs.” (São Paulo, Brazil)

“When I started being a father, I wasn’t ready. Things are...

“When I started being a father, I wasn’t ready. Things are great now but I struggled with substance abuse for a long time. I have three older children and I wasn’t very present with them. I’m fifty-one now and this is my last chance. So I’m trying to do my best with this one. He’s my little baby. Thankfully I’m good friends with his mother so I’m able to see him every day. But I’ve never lived with him. I don’t wake him up in the morning or help him get ready for school. I hear my other friends talking about these things and I just hate it. It makes me feel so guilty. But I’m doing my best. It’s not the best. But it’s my best.”

(São Paulo, Brazil)

“My father left us when I was two. The last time I saw him was...

“My father left us when I was two. The last time I saw him was my fifth grade graduation. I do know he’s alive because I found him on Facebook. Apparently he drinks a lot and goes to left wing protests. I’m not bothered by it. I think it’s funny. Sometimes I hope he comes looking for me just so I can turn him away. I did find an old journal recently from my childhood. It had The Powerpuff Girls on the cover. Inside were some pages where I had been practicing cursive, and I had written things like: ‘Why don’t you call me?’ and ‘Why don’t you like me?’ So it clearly bothered me then. Even though I don’t care now, maybe it’s impacted me in a way that I’ve yet to discover.”

(São Paulo, Brazil)

“I’ve been doing construction since I was fifteen. I like what...

“I’ve been doing construction since I was fifteen. I like what I do and I do what I like. Every night when I’m heading home, I always look back to see what I’ve built. It gives me a great sense of joy. A few years ago I built a children’s park not far from here, and when they finally opened the gates, and all the children came running in, I started to cry.”

(São Paulo, Brazil)