Brandon Stanton's Blog, page 109

“I was married when I was seventeen. My whole life was my...

“I was married when I was seventeen.  My whole life was my family.  I barely left the house because my husband brought me everything I needed.  I was far too innocent.  I had no idea about anything, but the world has a way of teaching you.  Fifteen years ago my husband died and I had to take the lead of the family.  He owned an upholstery shop.  The workers tried to convince me to let them handle the business, but they were hiding the profits from me.  I had to take over.  There was no other choice.  My kids were still in school and that money belonged to them.  So I began going to the shop every day.  At first the workers tried to box me out.  They knew I didn’t understand the business so they wouldn’t explain anything.  They hid the numbers from me.  And when a client entered the store, they wouldn’t even introduce me as the owner.  But I sat there and watched every move they made.  I memorized everything.  And after forty days, there were some new rules at the shop.  The workers were not allowed to speak to the client directly.”
(Cairo, Egypt)

“I’ve had horrible luck finding a husband. Most marriages in...

“I’ve had horrible luck finding a husband.  Most marriages in this country are traditional, and I have a middleman who arranges interviews with potential suitors.  He probably thinks I’m a snob.  Because I either turn the men down or scare them off.  But you should hear the questions they ask me.  Nothing about personality.  Nothing about character.  Everything is about money: ‘What is your salary?’,  ‘Do you have a car?,  ‘Is this your only apartment?’  I used to answer these questions, but I’m much harsher now.  I’ll dismiss them right away.  I’ve had men ask me to stop working.  I had a professor ask me to stop studying because I have more degrees than him.  Another man ended the interview when he learned that my ‘doctorate’ did not mean I was a medical doctor.  It’s ridiculous.  Some friends and family want me to settle for the sake of having children.  But I have a viewpoint, and I’m not going to sacrifice that viewpoint just because I’m getting older.  I believe in marriage.  And I’d like children.  But if it means I have to accept anything, maybe it’s best to not get married at all.”
(Alexandria, Egypt)

“This is my brother. We’re helping people into their parking...

“This is my brother.  We’re helping people into their parking spots.  School starts in a few days and we’re trying to raise money for our school fees.  Also I want to get a bicycle because all my friends have bicycles.  They use their bicycles to make me angry because I don’t have one.  But wait until I get my bicycle.  They’ll be so angry.  We’ve been saving our money for three months.  But sometimes we buy Pepsi.  And also peanuts.  And yesterday a street vendor came by with jewelry, and my brother bought me this necklace.  And he also bought me a watch but it broke.  And a ring but I lost it.  He really loves me so much.”  
(Cairo, Egypt)

“He always wanted a daughter. He tells me that all the time....

“He always wanted a daughter.  He tells me that all the time.  My friends think I’m so lucky because a lot of their dads aren’t affectionate.  Some have even been forced to stop studying and get married.  But my father wants me to be successful.  He wants me to live abroad.  More than anything, he’s a friend. There was a time in high school when I was extremely depressed.  Mostly just teenage things.  I felt ugly.  I didn’t have confidence.  But it got so bad that I started having scary thoughts.  And I didn’t want to tell anyone, especially my parents.  I was afraid I’d get locked away in the house.  But one night we were sitting in my bedroom, and I finally let him know.  His reaction wasn’t what I expected.  He didn’t panic or scream.  He was calm.  He just kept holding me and saying: ‘We’ll get through this together.’”
(Alexandria, Egypt)

“Mom said: ‘You wear this, and you wear...

“Mom said: ‘You wear this, and you wear that.’”
(Alexandria, Egypt)

“I’d always dreamed of getting a college degree, but I got...

“I’d always dreamed of getting a college degree, but I got married right after high school.  We started having children right away, so it wasn’t easy to convince my husband to let me study.  The one time I tried to mention it, he immediately said ‘no.’  But a few years later we were in the passport office and I saw an advertisement for a university.  I pulled on his sleeve, pointed at the sign, and said: ‘Lets take a look.  It’s only a look.’  That very same day I enrolled in classes.  Each night I’d wait until 2 AM, after everyone’s demands had been answered, and the whole house was asleep.  Then I’d begin my studying. I’d work until morning, wake the children up, and prepare them for school.  Only then could I rest.  It was exhausting but I was so happy.  It felt like I’d gone back in time and my kids were my siblings.  During my third year I was pregnant again, and I was terrified that I’d go into labor during my final exams.  But I got my diploma.  It was the happiest day of my life.  My husband was thrilled for me.  Everything is different now.  I understand the world.  I used to be afraid to leave the house.  But now I feel powerful.  And it shows.”  
(Cairo, Egypt)

“My parents aren’t giving me the freedom to be responsible....

“My parents aren’t giving me the freedom to be responsible.  Mama’s fine.  But Papa is an Egyptian father.  He wants me to always be in a safe, cozy home.  Recently I wanted to go on an educational trip to Sri Lanka.  I begged him.  I said, ‘Please, I’ll be living with a family.  I’ll call you ten times a day.’  But he wouldn’t listen.  I locked myself in my room and cried.  I wanted that experience.  I wanted to meet beautiful people, and eat beautiful food, and take beautiful photos.  I know my dad very well.  He just doesn’t trust people.  He thinks that I’m naïve.  He thinks that everyone who helps you wants something in return.  But that’s not why I help people.  I love people.  I love languages.  I can even speak a little Hindi.  I want to see every village and every city.  I even want to work for NASA one day.  I love physics and astronomy.  But Papa thinks astronomy is a bad idea.  He doesn’t get it.  It’s not that he doesn’t understand the stars.  He just doesn’t understand me.”  
(Alexandria, Egypt)

“I’m from Basra. In the seventies we were the economic...

“I’m from Basra.  In the seventies we were the economic capital of Iraq.  It was beautiful once.  The only city with two rivers.  We had one million people but ten million palm trees.  In those days everyone was optimistic.  Our oil reserves were better than the Saudis.  We assumed the oil would be invested, and that our lives would keep getting better.  But our leaders failed us.  It was war after war.  Without all the fighting, things could have really been great.  But the palm trees are gone now.  There’s no potable water.  We have a shortage of electricity.  Healthcare is very poor, and cancer is everywhere because the Americans used radioactive bombs.  Our whole land is contaminated.  The food that comes from the soil is poison.  But please visit, you’ll be welcome.  The people are friendly.  You’ll be met with hospitality.  We understand that governments are the warmongers.  You’re victims just like us.”
(Cairo, Egypt)

“I have two young boys. And every time we go somewhere, I’m...

“I have two young boys.  And every time we go somewhere, I’m not even thinking about my fun.  I only think about their fun.  I’ve been to the zoo a million times because the small one loves the monkeys.  Last week we went to see Hotel Transylvania III.  I’ve already seen two of those things.  This time the monsters took a vacation.  To be honest, I don’t even think there was a story.  The monsters just kept interacting with people on the boat.  I wasn’t really paying attention, but the boys loved it.  I enjoyed their reactions more than the movie.  I watched their faces the entire time.  And whenever they laughed, I laughed.”   (Cairo, Egypt)

“My mom is in prison. I see her every fifteen days. My...

“My mom is in prison.  I see her every fifteen days.  My siblings take me to visit her, but then they leave me when it’s over.  My grandmother doesn’t want me.  My uncle beats me up.  I have nowhere to live.  The only person I have in my life is my mom.  Every time I visit, she asks me if I’m staying with relatives, and I tell her: ‘Mom, nobody wants me.  I have no one.’  I sleep on the street.  I can’t go to school.  I just hang out with the older kids.  Sometimes we wash cars together for money.  Last week I was washing a man’s car and he bought me clothes and food.  He told me I could sleep at his house.  So maybe I’ll start going there.”
(Cairo, Egypt)