Brandon Stanton's Blog, page 105

“There’s no decorum in this country when it comes to...

“There’s no decorum in this country when it comes to childbirth.  Our society expects you to have children.  People start watching your stomach immediately after marriage.  Soon the questions begin from family, friends, and eventually complete strangers.  Thankfully I have a supportive partner, because we went through seven miscarriages and two stillbirths.  The pressure from family was unbearable.  I was made to drink potions.  I bathed in holy water.  At one point I was even stripped naked in front of people to be scanned in the spirit realm.  It doesn’t matter how much education you have.  You get to the point where you’ll try anything.  You don’t feel like a woman anymore.  After years of trying, we finally visited a special doctor who said: ‘There’s nothing wrong with you.  Go on holiday.  Enjoy life.’  We dismissed his opinion because we’d given up, but nine months later our son was born.  Today I have three children.  Because of my difficulties, I try to help women who are going through the same thing.  I run a little community called My Sister’s Keeper.  We offer free therapy and fertility counseling for women who are having trouble.  But mainly it’s a place to cool off.  To get a free spa treatment.  To feel like a woman.  And to think about anything but having a baby.”
(Accra, Ghana)

(3/3) “It’s not easy being king. I have to follow many of the...

(3/3) “It’s not easy being king.  I have to follow many of the old rituals.  I cannot be seen in public without an escort.  I must always eat alone.  And the power isn’t what it used to be.  We’re living in a different time.  We aren’t battling for territory anymore.  We aren’t petitioning the colonies.  The palace still rules on minor disputes, but mainly my power is indirect.  I advocate for my people when the national government is setting its agenda.  I enjoy the role.  I want to improve the lives of all my subjects.  I want them to have clean water.  I want them to have quality education.  But my main focus is development.  I want our kingdom to become a tourist hub.  The income would transform so many lives, and we have so much to offer.  We have a beautiful river.  We have a great history.  And we have some of the oldest artifacts in Ghana.  In 1680 the Dutch built a castle on our shores, and my people captured it.  It was the first time in history that a black man owned a castle.  We held it for several years.  Eventually we gave it back, on one condition: they had to let us keep the keys.”
(Akwamufie, Ghana)

(2/3) “After I was granted asylum, I moved in with some cousins...

(2/3)  “After I was granted asylum, I moved in with some cousins in the Bronx.  My first job was washing dishes in the kitchen of an adult home.  I was paid $297 every two weeks.  But I noticed that the private nursing assistants were paid a lot more, so I enrolled in some classes and received my certification.  My first assignment was a quadriplegic named Hector.  I ended up staying with him for six years.  I fed him, changed his diapers, helped him go to the bathroom, everything.  I really loved him.  We went all over the place.  We drove to Chicago and California.  My shift was the overnight, so sometimes I’d drive him to the club and he’d go dancing in his wheelchair.  I’d stand right next to him the entire time.  During the day I took classes at Lehman College.  I majored in health services.  After my graduation, the whispers began once more.  Family members were urging me to come home and take my rightful position on the throne.  So I said ‘goodbye’ to Hector and moved back to Ghana.  I got a job in business until the last king passed away in 2011.  And this time when the elders called on me, I was ready.”
(Akwamufie, Ghana)

(1/3) “I’m the 29th King of the Akwamu Empire. Three hundred...

(1/3)  “I’m the 29th King of the Akwamu Empire.  Three hundred years ago we ruled the entire southern part of Ghana.  The English described us as ‘bullies.’  The Danes described us as ‘thieves.’  Today I have 120 towns under my jurisdiction.  But I didn’t always want to be king.  I knew from a young age that it was a possibility.  I’m from the royal bloodline.  But I just hoped they’d choose someone else.  I was in college the first time they tried to coronate me.  I was studying accounting.  I heard a rumor that the king had passed away and that I would be next.  So I panicked.  I googled ‘political asylum.’  I took someone else’s passport.  I didn’t even bother to change the picture.  I’d never left Ghana before, but I took a one-way flight to New York City.  I presented myself at the JFK customs counter, and said:  ‘You have to help me. They’re trying to make me king.’”
(Akwamufie, Ghana)

“When I was eighteen, a large group of students visited Ghana...

“When I was eighteen, a large group of students visited Ghana from the UK for a youth development program.  It was an expensive program.  It cost thousands of pounds.  But I got to join for free because they needed some Ghanaians for a smattering of cultural diversity.  The program was a mixture of community service and adventure.  We actually came canoeing on this very lake.  The whole time I was thinking about how much money was being made from our natural resources.  And how much of that money was leaving Ghana.  I became determined to make Ghana money out of the Ghana environment.  So after graduating college, I set out to build a world-class adventure company.  It’s been over five years now.  We have twelve full time employees and twenty-five adventure locations.  Best of all, I think we’re creating an adventure culture in the country.  Our clients were 70 percent foreign when we started.  Now they’re 80 percent Ghanaian.  Behind me is Survival Island.  It’s my latest project and biggest risk yet.  I constructed a full ropes course, and one day I hope to build the world’s longest zip line.  That would really put Ghana on the adventure map.”
(Accra, Ghana)

“It first happened when I was trying to save money for high...

“It first happened when I was trying to save money for high school.  A man offered to help me.  He’d give me food sometimes.  I’d cook for him and watch his children.  But then one night he asked me to sleep with him, and I refused, so he locked the door and raped me.  A different boss forced himself on me during a trip and gave me $100 to keep quiet.  It’s happened about ten times.  It’s not just employers.  It’s anyone who offers to help.  I’m very religious and my faith would never allow me to do such a thing.  But I’m not strong enough.  There are times when I’m so desperate.  I have kids.  I can’t buy food.  I can’t buy prescriptions.  And someone offers help.  They tell me they just want to help, but I know in the back of my mind what’s going to happen.  I go with them because I have no choice.  And I feel so much guilt afterwards.  Of course I don’t tell anyone.  I just cry and pray for forgiveness.”
(Accra, Ghana)

“A few years ago my marriage was breaking down. I was...

“A few years ago my marriage was breaking down.  I was depressed.  I wanted to leave.  But when I tried speaking to my friends about it, most people told me to ‘suck it up.’  They told me not to be selfish, and to think of my children.  Church members told me that I’d go to hell.  Family members told me that an unhappy marriage was better than being alone.  Above all, everyone told me to keep quiet.  There’s a taboo in our culture against ‘airing dirty laundry.’  Therapy is stigmatized.  So I had nobody to talk to.  During that time, I’d lock myself up for days and cry.  Luckily there was Qwarme.  We grew up together.  We’ve been friends since high school.  He understood me.   But most of all, he just listened.  The experience gave us an idea to start a listening channel for other people who needed to talk.  I bought a new phone number.  We put out a call on social media, inviting anyone to call in anonymously and share their problems.  I do most of the listening.  But if they’d rather speak to a male, then Qwarme steps in.  We’ve helped almost seventy people in the last three years.  It’s become a round-the-clock job.  Some people call us every day.  Others will call once a month but talk for hours.  Occasionally we’ll recommend a therapist if it seems like professional help is needed.  But other than that, we just listen.  And for most people, that’s enough.”
(Accra, Ghana)

“My mom was left with eight children when my father died. I...

“My mom was left with eight children when my father died.  I had to help raise my siblings because I was the oldest.  I tried working as a seamstress, but it wasn’t enough.  I had to supplement my income by selling eggs.  I’d buy my eggs every morning from the same woman.  But one morning she sold me bad eggs.  Twenty crates of them.  They were too small to sell.  But I just started praying, and I heard a voice telling me to come to this spot.  By the end of the day I’d sold every crate.  And this is where my business has been ever since.  I raised my siblings with this business.  I bought land.  I got married.  I divorced my womanizing husband.  I raised my children.  And then I raised my siblings’ children.  I did it all on my own.  I’ve never had help from anybody.  But without this business, I’d have been helpless.”  
(Accra, Ghana)

“I was eighteen years old. I went out one night with a male...

“I was eighteen years old.  I went out one night with a male cousin and his friends.  I felt safe with him.  But he gave me a drink and I started to not feel like myself.  He took me home to his house.  It was dark inside and I could hear people moving around.  I heard murmuring in the shadows.  I tried to lock myself in the washroom.  But they beat down the door.  It lasted all night.  They took turns.  I was still a virgin when it happened.  I had goals for myself.  I’d started reading at a very young age.  I wanted to go to school.  But that night everything changed.  I didn’t leave my bedroom for months.  I wasn’t going to tell anyone.  But unfortunately for me, I got pregnant.  I was forced to tell my family.  My father didn’t believe me.  He said: ‘If you’re old enough to get pregnant, you’re old enough to live on your own.’  He kicked me out of the house.  He told me: ‘You’ve used your body once.  You can use it again.’  I had to beg on the street.  I’d go for days without eating.  I hid in the bushes outside my house and begged my siblings for food.  But they avoided me like I was a disease.  I had to abort the baby.  I wasn’t mad at the child, but I had no choice.  I was completely alone.  That was twenty years ago, and I survived.  I’m financially comfortable now.  And maybe I’ve found some peace.  But I’ve never healed.  I don’t want anyone in my life.  I got married once but I hated the sex too much.  Even then I felt alone.  I’ll always live like I have nobody.  I’ve made a few friends, but in the back of my mind, I’m on my own.  Because I don’t want to feel vulnerable.  I don’t want to feel weak.  I don’t want to cry.  I don’t ever want to need anyone again.”
(Accra, Ghana)

“My father wants me to work in government, but I think there...

“My father wants me to work in government, but I think there are plenty of problems we can solve ourselves.  So I’d rather be an entrepreneur.  Two issues we have in this country are erratic power and excess trash.  So recently I’ve been dreaming of a waste-to-energy plant.  It could be a solution to both problems.  I’ve been researching on the Internet for months.  The technology exists.  But this morning I had a meeting with the electric company, and they told me the power supply is currently stable.  There isn’t a market for extra energy.  So I’m feeling a little disappointed. But I’m going to explore other ideas.  I’m also researching methods to manufacture furniture with leftover sugarcane fiber.  I just want to do something about all this waste.  It makes me so angry.  Our gutters are filled.  Our bins are overflowing.  I’ve been carrying this trash for a mile because there’s nowhere to put it.  And nobody feels responsibility for the problem.  In the village where I grew up, everything was clean.  Because everyone viewed the land as their own.  I wish we’d view our entire country like that.  Personally, I don’t want anyone calling Ghana dirty.”
(Accra, Ghana)