Michelle Proulx's Blog, page 7

How to litter your manuscript with typos (in 9 easy steps!)

Yes, this is based on a recent personal experience. Want the details? Keep reading!

How to litter your manuscript with typos

Create a character with a short name that could easily be found in many longer words — i.e., “Kat”
Write 40,000 words of a story
Realize that you prefer an alternate spelling — i.e., “Cat”
Do a “Search All” and “Replace All” to change the spelling — i.e., “Kat” > “Cat”
Write another 10,000 words
Realize you prefer the first spelling
Do a “Search All” and “Replace All” to change the spelling back — i.e., “Cat” > “Kat”
Casually reread the story and realize you’ve created 218 typos — i.e., “sKatter”, “reloKated”, unsKathed”, “mediKations”
Success!

This definitely just happened to me, and I spent twenty minutes using Ctrl+F to find all my ridiculously spelled words and fix them. Honestly not a big deal, but still a very silly thing I could have avoided. Ahh, the joys of NaNoWriMo!

 

Unrelated media of the day:

This is a fun little song where a YouTuber got his followers to send in clips of them playing musical instruments, and then put all the clips together into a surprisingly catchy tune.

I will be participating in a SF&F short story anthology!

Okay, the title pretty much gave away the punch line on this one, but basically I’ve been asked by fellow blogger Kai Herbertz to write a story for his upcoming short story anthology Arcane Arts. Yay!

The theme of the anthology is, of course, arcane arts. I have absolutely no idea yet what I’m going to write. However, given time and inspiration, I’m sure I’ll come up with something suitably ridiculous. Oh, and the main character will probably die. This isn’t a conscious choice on my part, it just seems to always happen when I write short stories. Weird, right?

Anyway, there’s a Kickstarter going for the anthology right now–check it out here. Feel free to read it through (some of it’s in German!), share the link, contribute if it sounds interesting, etc.

In unrelated news, we’re now on day 7 of NaNowrimo and I am officially three days behind. If anyone is surprised by this, you clearly don’t know me very well. Frankly, I’m surprised I’m not even more behind than that. I’m going off to a cafe this afternoon in a desperate attempt to catch back up, so we’ll see how that goes.

That’s all she wrote!

 

Unrelated media of the day:

Who doesn’t love groovy acapella?

 

 

 

NaNoWriMo! Here we go again …

Okay, so I have a confession to make. I’m terrible at NaNoWriMo. I have attempted it every year since 2006, and I’ve won … three times? Possibly four. The point is, I have a bad habit of starting all gung-ho, getting a week in, falling behind, falling more behind, and then giving up halfway through. Sigh.

So, once again, this year I shall attempt NaNo. Do I plan to succeed? Yes. Will I succeed? Probably not. But I’ll try, dammit. And maybe–just maybe!–this time I’ll succeed.

In flagrant violation of the rules, I have decided to write 50k words of an existing project, the whimsically titled, “Teenagers killing each other in space story”. This is not the final title (although several people have suggested it should be). I started at 30k words, so by the end of the month, God willing, I will have an 80k word story. The story definitely won’t be finished by that point (I seem incapable of writing a first draft under 120k words), but a good chunk of it will definitely be done. Huzzah!

What are your NaNo plans? Please feel free to share your stories of past failures with me so I feel a little better about myself. In the meantime, have an amazing week, and stay awesome!

 

Unrelated media of the day:

How To Count To Ten

Today we’re tackling a tough topic, one that has caused a lot of people a lot of grief. Many are under the assumption that basic counting skills are something everyone has mastered. They are wrong. For every person out there who has successfully counted the fingers on their hands, there’s another person who spends hours staring at a calculator before bursting into heart-wrenching tears. This is not a joke. This is a serious issue plaguing millions–nay, dozens–of people on this planet. And today, I’m here to provide the answer.

If you’re ever in a situation where you need to count to ten and can’t remember how, just follow these simple instructions:

How To Count To Ten

Start at one.
Add one and one together. That gives you two.
Add another one. One plus one plus two plus one is five.
Wait a minute …
Okay, forget that. We’re on step five now. Let’s start from here. Five.
Six.
I’m pretty sure it starts with an S. Or maybe a Z. Zeven?
I forget this next one. It’s like a sideways infinity symbol. Or a not-so-jolly snowman who was robbed of his hat, eyes, nose, mouth, and arms.
I know there’s a four in here somewhere …
F**k it.

So there you go! A simple and foolproof way to count to ten. Never again will first-graders laugh mockingly at you for your inferior counting skills. The world is your oyster, my friend! Fish it out of the ocean of potential, crack it open, and dig out that lustrous pearl of limitless possibility!

 

Unrelated media of the day:

Since it’s Halloween tomorrow …

Writing Prompt Wednesdays! Rhino Castle

Today’s writing prompt is a cool painting by Ray Caesar:

Plodding step by plodding step

He trudges along packed earth

Weighed down by the city

Strapped ‘cross his great girth

His skin thick like chain mail

His horn strong as stone

Feet sturdy like oak trees

And iron in his bones

But why does he wander?

Does he search for his home?

Or is he an aimless nomad

Content simply to roam?

Thus, I present my humble poem for your afternoon amusement. Enjoy at your leisure.

Since I missed my Monday Musings post, we’ll do a quick life update now instead. If you recall, I recently interviewed for a job. I didn’t hear back from them, but I did interview for a different job, and I got it! It’ll be a seasonal position (so, until Jan 8th), which works just great for me. As for the job itself, I’m not going to reveal the company I’m working for, but I will tell you it involves large amounts of delicious tea. Make of that what you will!

On the writing front, I’ve been working on my “teenagers killing each other in space” story (not its actual name). I’m about 30k words in, and I’m pretty happy with it thus far. My only problem is the writing is extremely slow-going. My current writing process is as follows:

Write a chapter.
Re-read and re-write the chapter.
Go on a long walk and realize the chapter is wrong.
Re-write the chapter.
Take a shower and realize I should change something huge.
Re-write the chapter. Perhaps even re-write several chapters, if need be.
Remind myself that you’re not supposed to edit until you’ve finished the first draft.
Edit anyway.
Drown my sorrows in pizza buns.

It’s fairly time-consuming, and results in me eating a lot of pizza buns. But … I mean, the process does seem to be working, albeit slowly, so I think I’ll stick with it. Better that I find and fix issues now, rather than pull a Chasing Nonconformity and literally rewrite the entire book from the ground up.

Oh! And if you have a chance, support fellow indie author Beth Madden by heading over to her Inkitt project page for her story “Stuffed” and vote for it! Takes all of five seconds, and she would really appreciate your help.

That’s all from me! Have a fabulous week, and stay awesome.

 

Unrelated media of the day:

I am completely in love with this song right now. I love the throwback feel, not to mention the beautiful, dreamy chorus. Enjoy!

Cover Reveal — Nightlight Tales by Anthony Renfro

13 tales of terror.

13 tales that will have you reaching for the nightlight before you go to bed tonight.

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Excerpt from Need to Feed:

The house appeared to be silent, but he thought he heard something, something low and almost inaudible coming from one of the bedrooms.

It was a sucking sound, like something feasting.

He made his way towards that sound, boots clicking on the uneven hard wood floor, spurs jingling, hoping he wasn’t right, but pretty sure he was.

He stopped at the door that led into the Master Bedroom, and listened again. Sure enough, the sound he was hearing was coming from this room. He held the holy water vial up, and popped the lid off with his thumb. He aimed his gun forward, and slipped into the room.

The first person he saw was Bob, lying on his back on the floor, and on top of him was a Vampire, fangs sunk into the man’s neck, sucking him dry. The Vampire was so engrossed in his feast that he didn’t hear the sheriff move in behind him.

While this Vampire fed on Bob, the sheriff looked across the room, and sure enough Linda was lying on her back with another Vampire on top of her, fangs sunk into her neck.

The sheriff was surprised to see these two out so late, because night weakened them considerably; it didn’t hurt them or stop them, but it was sunlight that truly gave them strength.

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Get it here:

US: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B015D715VW?*Version*=1&*entries*=0

UK:  http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B015D715VW?*Version*=1&*entries*=0

AU:  http://www.amazon.com.au/gp/product/B015D715VW?*Version*=1&*entries*=0

CA:  http://www.amazon.ca/gp/product/B015D715VW?*Version*=1&*entries*=0

Paperback:

http://www.amazon.com/Nightlight-Tales-Collection-Horror-Stories/dp/1517355818/ref=asap_bc?ie=UTF8

How To Re-Watch Your Favorite TV Show

Friday is How To day, and today we’re tackling the topic of re-watching favorite TV shows!

Now, you might say this is the sort of topic that doesn’t require a How To. And you’d be right. Unfortunately for you, I’m the one writing this post, so I have all the power! AHAHAHAHA!

Right. It’s been a weird day. Moving on.

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How To Re-Watch Your Favorite TV Show

Figure out what your favorite TV show is. If you can’t choose just one, there’s an easy solution. Grab a bunch of your friends and have them line up and write the name of a TV show you like on their shirt. From there, grab a paintball gun and let loose. The first person to break ranks and attack you is the winner!
Acquire said show. DVD, Netflix, borrow it from the library, whatever. Just make sure you don’t pirate it. As that anti-piracy ad from the early 2000s famously said, “You wouldn’t download a car!” Except that anyone in their right mind would definitely download a car if they could, because you’d be stupid not to. So forget that ad. Just try to get your hands on the show without getting arrested. I believe in you!
Create a distraction-free viewing space. This one is tricky. You’re going to be binge-watching this shizzle for at least a full two days, maybe three, so you need to make sure no one and no thing has the potential to interrupt you. If you live alone, perfect. If you have pets, regretfully inform them that everyone has to grow up and take care of themselves sometime, and that day is today. They might whine at first, but eventually they’ll thank you for the gift of adulthood and responsibility you’ve bestowed upon them. If you have roommates, dispose of them. The manner of disposal is up to you. If they’re being particularly difficult to remove, I know a guy.
Plan out your food consumption. Remember, this is a multi-day event, and just stocking up your fridge with groceries isn’t going to cut it. You don’t have time to cook, dammit! You’ve got TV to watch! Instead of stockpiling groceries, stockpile delivery fliers. And don’t forget: you are contractually obligated to leave the show running while you race to answer the door and pay the delivery guy/gal. Pausing is a sign of weakness.
Start watching. Remember, no pausing. You’re allowed to do other things while watching, like play Candy Crush on your phone, or two-monitor it up and check your email on the second screen, but don’t you dare turn off that show for anything less than a zombie outbreak. Even then, zombies are surprisingly polite, and will almost definitely hold off on eating you until you’ve had a chance to finish your marathon if you ask nicely.
Do NOT re-watch the pilot once you’ve finished your marathon. This is a rookie mistake. You finish the last episode, you lie back, and your heart is so full of emotion and heartbreak that you think, “Hey, I know the perfect way to end this marathon–I’ll re-watch the pilot!” It seems like the perfect solution–you can hold off leaving the show’s magical world for at least another 42 minutes, not to mention you get to see the fun juxtaposition of first episode vs. last. IT IS A TRAP. Watching the pilot leads to watching the next episode. And then the next after that. Soon enough, it’s a week later, you’re halfway through your third re-watching, you’ve lost your job, your significant other has left you for an attractive panini artisan, and your landlord is knocking on the door to make sure you haven’t died and been eaten by cats.
Wait 14-16 months, and do it all over again. The time gap is necessary to help you forget how royally you screwed up your life during your previous marathon.

Hehehe. I laugh, but honestly, binge-watching TV shows is one of life’s small pleasures. My current show of choice is Avatar: The Last Airbender / Legend of Korra. Don’t worry, I haven’t assassinated my roommates or been eaten by cats. Yet. I’m only halfway through, so there’s still time.

Unrelated media of the day:

I’m pretty sure I’ve shared this before, but since we’re all freaking out over the newest Star Wars trailer …

Source: https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/2vetjw/han_yolo/

Writing Prompt Wednesday! Hidden Agendas

Today’s writing prompt is borrowed from S. Page Reiring. Here it is:

Character A and Character B are best friends. A is hiding something from B that would allow B to complete their goal.

Fun, right? Now it’s time to see how ridiculous we can get with this. Onwards!

Every morning, Timmy gets on his red tricycle and wheels over to Bobby’s house down the street. He walks in the front door, and the most delicious smell fills the entire house–the smell of freshly baked cupcakes. Timmy runs into the kitchen, hugs Bobby good morning, and the two boys spend the next hour icing the cupcakes with the most beautiful designs imaginable.

Bobby bakes cupcakes every morning because he wants to be a baker like his mom. His mom leaves every morning to go work at her bakery, and she gets home so late at night that her only interaction with her son is to kiss him goodnight. Bobby has to fend for himself. But he knows that if he can present his mother with the perfect cupcake, she’ll realize how amazing a baker he is, and then she’ll let him go to the bakery with her and they can spend all day, every day together.

Timmy does not want to be a baker. He doesn’t even like cupcakes. The reason he helps his best friend decorate his cupcakes every morning is because he has a secret. There is a monster living under his bed. It’s actually the spawn of an ancient god of all-consuming hunger, but Billy doesn’t know that. He just calls it Licky, because it licks his toes when he gets out of bed. Licky has to eat exactly one dozen cupcakes every morning, or else he will double in size. Which Billy didn’t think was a big deal at first, until his brick-sized monster turned into a shoebox-sized monster. Once it got big enough to barely fit under his bed, he realized that if he didn’t do something soon, his monster could get big enough to crush an entire city under one of its scaly feet.

Which is why every morning, after Bobby finishes icing the cupcakes and runs upstairs to hop in the shower before school starts, Timmy grabs all the cupcakes, loads them onto his tricycle, and takes them down the street to feed his monster under the bed. He always gets back just in time for Bobby to walk down the stairs, go into the kitchen, and see that his cupcakes are gone. Bobby asks where his cupcakes went, and Timmy says they disappeared. Then Timmy and Bobby grab their bags and go to school.

One day, while feeding his monster a selection of red velvet cupcakes with chocolate buttercream roses, a strange thought hits Timmy. He wonders why Bobby always just accepts that his cupcakes have disappeared. Bobby never tries hiding the cupcakes while he showers, or making double the recipe and stashing half away for later. He doesn’t even suspect Timmy is the one who’s taking them. Timmy is grateful that his best friend is so gullible, but he also worries, because he knows Bobby is a smart kid. How can someone so smart be so stupid?

Timmy decides to figure out what’s going on once and for all. The next morning, when Bobby goes for his shower, Timmy runs home to feed his monster and gets back twice as fast as usual. He runs upstairs, but as he reaches the landing, he hears footsteps. Crouching down, he peers around the corner and sees four men in black suits and sunglasses standing outside the bathroom door. The shower shuts off, and after a few seconds the door to the bathroom opens in a cloud of steam. Bobby steps out, wrapped in a towel, and the four men swarm forward.

One grabs Bobby’s arms, another grabs Bobby’s head, and a third holds a little metal device up in front of the boy’s eyes. The device starts to flash a series of colored lights, and the man says in a deep voice, “When you walk downstairs, your cupcakes will be gone. You are not upset by this. Cupcakes disappear all the time. This not surprising. But you must continue to make cupcakes. You love making cupcakes. If you make enough cupcakes, your mother will love you.”

Bobby repeats the words back to the man in a flat, robotic voice. The men release him, and he walks off toward his bedroom to get dressed for school.

The men turn and head for the stairs–the stairs where Timmy is hiding. He thinks about running, but his feet won’t move. He’s too scared. The men round the corner and stop when they see Timmy lying on the stairs.

“What did you do to my friend?” Timmy asks bravely.

The men glance at each other. Then one steps forward and says, “We brainwashed him.”

“Why did you brainwash my friend?”

“Do you know what lives under your bed?”

Timmy nods.

“So do we. There are many mysterious things in this world–dangerous things–that we must keep track of, and control. When we figure out a way to contain a threat, we do whatever is necessary to make it happen. Which is why we make sure Bobby doesn’t wonder where his missing cupcakes go–if he did, he might stop making them, and then the whole world would be in danger.”

Timmy’s lip starts to wobble. “But why does it have to be Bobby who bakes the cupcakes? Couldn’t you take the monster away somewhere and feed him all the cupcakes it wants?”

“Monsters have very particular tastes,” the man says. “For whatever reason, Bobby’s cupcakes are what he craves. Bobby has to make them. That’s just the way it is.”

The man kneels down in front of Timmy and removes his sunglasses. Timmy gasps when he sees the man has no eyes–just skin stretched across his eye sockets.

“Tell me, Timmy,” the man says. “Do you want us to take your friend away somewhere where you’ll never see him again?”

“No!” Timmy shouts. “Don’t take Bobby!”

The man puts his sunglasses back on and stands up. “If you don’t want that to happen, then you have to keep helping Bobby make his cupcakes every day, and then feed them to your monster. Can you do that, Timmy?”

“I can! I promise!”

“You’re a good boy, Timmy,” the man says.

Two of the men in suits dart forward and grab Timmy by the arms and head. A third pulls out the metal device and aims it at Timmy’s face.

“You do not remember seeing us,” he says, as colored lights flash wildly.

Timmy’s eyelids start to grow heavy. “I do not remember seeing you,” he agrees.

“You must not tell Bobby about us.”

“I must not tell Bobby about you.”

“You must not tell Bobby about the monster under your bed.”

“I must not tell Bobby about the monster under my bed.”

Timmy blinks a few times, and suddenly he’s in Bobby’s kitchen, waiting for his friend to finish getting dressed so they can go to school. The cupcakes have vanished from the counter. He must have already fed them to his monster, although he doesn’t remember doing it. Bobby walks down the stairs and, seeing the vaguely confused look on his friend’s face, says, “Are you okay, Timmy?”

“Of course I am,” Timmy says.

“Where are my cupcakes?” Bobby asks.

“They must have disappeared,” Timmy says.

“Oh,” Bobby says. “Okay. Let’s go to school.”

The boys grab their backpacks, hop on their tricycles, and hurry off to school.

A few houses down the the street, the monster under Timmy’s bed chomps down on the last cupcake and belches loudly in approval. His insatiable hunger had started causing his body to swell, but now the cupcakes have made him drowsy. Instead of growing in size, he instead settles down for a nice long nap.

Outside the window, four men in suits and sunglasses watch the monster with their infrared goggles. When they see it close its eyes and fall asleep, they let out a chorus of relieved sighs.

“And so the world lives to fight another day,” one of them says.

“Call it in,” another says. “Specimen 3219391 sated and sleeping like a baby. Potential crisis with the Deliverer avoided. The Baker remains unaware. Situation under control.”

“Where to next?”

“Greenland. The living statue got loose and killed 37 people before someone managed to look it in the eyes and stop the rampage. We’re on clean-up duty.”

“Dammit. The dry cleaner charges me an arm and leg to get blood out of my suits. We should wear ponchos or something.”

The men laugh, climb into a black SUV, and drive away.

Okay, that took a weird turn a few paragraphs in, but I decided to just go with it. This story was inspired by the SCP Foundation, which is a website that lists all sorts of crazy cool stuff. Check it out! And if you feel like tackling the writing prompt yourself, write your own post about it, or paste it in the comments below!

Monday Musings — My first job interview in 5 years!

I am pleased to announce that today I successfully had my first job interview in 5 years!

I won’t jinx it by revealing what job I’m applying for, but let’s just say I’m really excited about it, and it would let me do some real good in the community if I end up getting it. Not to mention — money! Being a starving author is tons of fun, of course, but money is nice too.

For anyone wondering how the heck I got away with not interviewing for anything in 5 years, the story is as follows. In 2010, I graduated from university and interviewed for a job teaching English in South Korea. Failed the first interview, nailed the second one, and spent the next year in the land of the morning calm (as opposed to the land of the mourning clam, which is just a depressing place to visit). When I got back, no interviews necessary because I went back to the eLearning job I’d been doing throughout part of university. Did that until this past winter, when the oil prices plummeted and all my projects got cancelled. Thus, here I am today, five years later!

Anyhoo, I was so excited about getting through the interview without saying anything too silly that I rewarded myself with pad thai and a chocolate ganache tart for lunch. I also stopped on the way home to vote (Canadian election day!), which was shockingly well-organized. Which is a good thing, I guess, but I’m so used to government events being poorly organized that I was honestly taken aback at how efficient everything was. The only hiccup occurred when some foolish person decided to park their truck directly behind me (there was also a car in front of me, thank you weird parking lot layout), so I ended up doing a really awkward 34-point turn to escape.

In writing news, Chasing Nonconformity has sold a grand total of 26 Kindle copies! Which is nowhere near getting me onto the bestseller list, but I’m proud of myself, dammit. Thanks so much to everyone who’s grabbed a copy!

That’s all for today. Have a kick-a$$ week, and try not to let the autumn chill get you down!

 

Unrelated media of the day:

This feel-good song tells the story of a young man who buys a moped and goes downtown to show it off and pick up chicks.

How To Add Headers To Your Book

Scenario: You’ve recently self-published your first ebook, it’s doing awesome, and fans are clamoring for a print copy. You’re eager to oblige them, so you start formatting the book for print. But you just can’t figure out how to get those damn headers to cooperate with you!

Never fear, friend. I’ve got your back.

Note: I’m using Microsoft Word. These steps won’t make sense if you’re using a different program. Ye have been warned.

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Step 1: Double click in the Header area of the page  

Now the Header box opens! Huzzah!

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Step 2: Get yo Header settings in order, son!

The Header & Footer Tools tab should appear once you’ve opened up the Header area. Click the Design tab and make sure the following boxes are checked:

Different First Page
Different Odd & Even Pages
Show Document Text

Reasoning:

Different First Page > This allows you to make the first page in each section have a different header than the rest of the section. The point here is to avoid having a header on the first page of the chapter, as it looks cluttered. (See this post for details)
Different Odd & Even Pages > This lets you have your book name on the left page, and your author name on the right page (or vice versa!)
Show Document Text > This one’s just for practicality. If it’s not clicked, your document text vanishes. Which is silly, so keep the box checked.

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Step 3: Set up your sections

So Word has this tricky little function called “section breaks”. To get to it, hit the Page Layout tab and click “Breaks”. At the end of each chapter, click “Next Page” to start a new section on the next page.

How can you tell if inserting the section break worked? On the Home tab, there’s a little backwards “P” button. Click it, and Word will show you all the formatting in the document. Like so …

So you need a different section for every chapter, along with a different section for all the stuff that comes at the start of your book (title page, front matter text, table of contents, etc.), and a different section for all the stuff that comes at the end of your book (acknowledgments, about the author, etc.)

Seriously, you need each chapter to be a different section. I’m not screwing around here. Do it. There are no shortcuts. Just make it happen.

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Step 4: Let’s start at the top …

For the start of your book (title page, etc.), you don’t want any headers or page numbers. So leave the Header blank.

Easy, right?

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Step 5: The first chapter

In the Header & Footer Tools tab, there’s a tricky little button called “Link to Previous”. For your first chapter, this needs to not be active. You don’t want to link your Chapter 1 header to the first section, because the first section is blank. That means your Chapter 1 header is also going to be blank. Which you don’t want. So make sure it’s not active!

Important! You need to deactivate “Link to Previous” for both the even and odd page header. Otherwise one will stay linked to the previous section, and therefore remain blank. Conversely, if you type something in a linked header, it will change all the text for both this section and the previous section. Which you don’t want.

Next up, you need to actually enter text into your header. Woo! Starting on the second page (remember that we don’t want a header on the first page of the chapter), type in either your author name or your book title (depending on which side you want each one). For the sake of this example, let’s say type in your author name.

Now pop over to the next page and add in your book title. If you did this right, your name and title should appear on alternating pages throughout the rest of the chapter, but should not show up on the first page.

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Step 6: Time to set up the rest of the chapters!

The rest of the book is really easy. In each chapter, enable the “Link to Previous” button on both the even and odd page. This should copy over the header text from the previous section (i.e. your name and title) and apply them to this section. Do that for every chapter, and boom! Header success!

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Step 7: If you have non-story stuff at the end of the book …

If you have a section at the end of the book that you don’t want to have a header, just click your way into the Header in that section and disable the “Link to Previous” button. Then go into the odd and even headers and delete the text. Make sure you disable “Link to Previous” — otherwise you might delete the headers for the rest of the document.

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But Michelle, what if I want a different header for every single chapter?

No problem! Just make sure “Link to Previous” is disabled. Then you can type whatever the heck you want in the headers for each section.

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That’s it, folks! If you have any header formatting questions or issues, comment below and we’ll work it out. Word is a frustrating and enigmatic program, and will do random s*** to screw with your document, so you might run into problems that aren’t addressed here. For example, right now my Word likes to add a black line to the header when I delete text. Fun! So if you have any problems, let me know.

Happy Friday, and stay awesome!

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Unrelated media of the day:

Courtesy of Imgur …