Ailsa Abraham's Blog: Ailsa Abraham, page 13

Broad Thoughts From A Home: WORTHY OF ATTENTION – an interview with Ailsa Abraham

Source: Broad Thoughts From A Home: WORTHY OF ATTENTION – an interview with Ailsa Abraham

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My latest novel, a departure from magical realism into murder, mystery, and lots of blood!

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Crooked Love Cat is proud to announce that this Romantic Suspense novel is available to pre-order on Amazon Kindle from today.

Use this link to see it in YOUR Amazon

 

Known to the Authorities

I’m an inveterate “wave-and-smile”er at people. This is because around here I usually know most of them and they certainly know me. So it has become a habit to grin and raise a paw at anyone on the road who nods, smiles or acknowledges me.

Yesterday I waved madly at what I thought was a Gendarmes’ car. It was only when they went past I realized that it was the Douanes – Customs. Oh [image error]dear.

You see, I do know most of the Gendarmes around here because I translate for them when they have foreign tourists who don’t speak French but have some English and my long history with my British Honda meant that I was marked as “illegal but harmless” all over the county.

It wasn’t my fault I couldn’t get the correct bit of paper to register my wee motorbike correctly with a [image error]French number plate. I took my two-inch-thick file down to two major Gendarmeries to show them that I was trying. By then they agreed that I was very trying indeed and gave me a little note saying “Leave Elise alone” to show to any policeman who stopped me for riding an illegal bike.

This meant that I could pootle about on my 125 smiling and greeting all the forces of law and order in my path. Street cred zero, easy life!

The Customs officers over here are less tolerated than the “flicks” because they can be hard-nosed bastids who empty the boot of your car on the side of the road and then leave you to put it all back. There are a lot of problems with wine and booze smuggling within France itself, to the point that there is a limit to how much alcohol one can carry in one’s vehicle. If there is a legit reason, you should have proof otherwise you will be asked to produce a tax-paid receipt.

In this area we are on the rat-run between Switzerland and north/south divide, avoiding motorway tolls. We are, therefore, down by the head with lorries, some of which are transporting illegal immigrants. The Old Feller and I have seen them being allowed off the lorry in a lay-by, legging it into the fields.

[image error]Cars are regularly stolen to order to be delivered to Eastern Europe. So, despite appearances, we are in a hot-spot as far as the law is concerned. Those Customs officers would have been wondering why that woman was greeting them like family. Hardly surprising really, when two of my best friends in La Roche Bernard where I lived aboard my boat in Brittany, were the local Customs blokes. I met them when they came to arrest me. I had, apparently, pre-EEC days, outstayed my permit. As I was expecting my boyfriend back for lunch, like a good French housewife, I explained I’d have to cook, invited them in for coffee and offered to present myself at their office later.

It was a weird experience showing up with my terrier, briefcase with papers, asking to be arrested. It turned into a farce. They were mistaken. My boat was my home. I owned no property in the UK and this should have been noted by their brother-officers when I arrived in Concarneau. We got me a coffee mug, they shouted at the Concarneau folks on the phone and then tried to type a report.

By this time Bodkin was sat on the boss’ knee and, as I am an experienced typist, I took over the typewriter. They dictated and I wrote the report. The only glitch came when I had to sign the end which said that I understood French perfectly well enough to know what I was signing. I giggled and refused.

“Aww, come on, Elise. If you don’t, we’ll have to get an interpreter in from Nantes. That’ll take two hours and we’ll all be late for dinner.”

After that we were great mates. They always popped in for coffee if they were at the harbour, I helped out as interpreter and they out-did themselves when we were moving up the river and they organised the local Customs officers to be our reception committee.

Having grown up in a Met Police home I suppose it’s like being a Freemason – we recognise each other. Or maybe it is just that, like with animals, I show no fear and treat them nicely without grovelling.

Here, copper, come n have a bikkie!

[image error]Pa 3rd from right back, Ma in middle

Neil Randall – Coming out of Isolation

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As my guest today, is very busy and rather cold, so warming himself by the stove, we’ll make this rapid, and get right into the questions. Let’s start with your books. Do you write under just one name or several? How many genres do you cover? How much have you had published including anthologies etc?

I write under my own name – Neil Randall. Originally, I started out writing historical fiction, but have since focused more on contemporary stories, mainly in the thriller/mystery genre. In all, I’ve had five novels published, including Isolation (Crooked Cat Publishing, January 2017), a collection of short stories and had two shorts included in anthologies.

How long have you been writing professionally? I imagine that, like all of us, you wrote all your life before “turning pro”.

I’ve been writing full-time for a number of years now, although financial restraints mean a return to the “real world” may well be imminent.

I’m sure we all understand that situation. What was your first published work, short story, magazine article,or poem?

My first published work was a short story called Kilngsor’s First Summer, in a print magazine (now out of circulation, I think) called Twisted Tongue.

What are your ambitions and hopes for your writing career?

Ultimately, to be able to support myself through my writing, to, as the late, great Leonard Cohen put it: “to be paid for my work as opposed to work for my pay”.

Great quotation! Now on to you, the author. Where do you live? Describe a perfect day at home.

I live on the North Norfolk Coast. A perfect day is a few hours writing in the morning followed by a big ten mile run along the cliff tops and beach.

Wow! That would be my last day on earth. I can’t run ten metres! Do you have a “day job”?

Not at present.

Outside of writing and any other work, what is your main passion?

Reading, listening to music, travelling, Russian vodka.

Finally and most importantly – Bio and links please.

BIO :[image error]

Neil Randall is a novelist and short story writer. His debut novel A Quiet Place to Die (Wild Wolf Publishing) was voted e-thriller book of the month February 2014. His historical novels, The Holy Drinker and The Butterfly and the Wheel (both Knox Robinson) have been widely praised. His new thriller, Isolation, has just been picked up by Crooked Cat Publishing and is slated for release early in 2017. His debut short story collection Tales of Ordinary Sadness (Knox Robinson) was published in October of this year. Darkness Reigns at the Foot of the Lighthouse, from the collection, was short-listed for the prestigious Wasafiri New Writing Prize 2009, and another story Hands was long-listed for the RTÉ Guide/Penguin Ireland Short Story Competition 2015. His short stories and poetry have also been published in Wild Wolf’s Twisted Tails, The Siren literary magazine’s Fugue, Ether Books, Beatdom, Twisted Tongue, Notes from the Underground, The Bear Review, narrator INTERNATIONAL, Squawk Back, Death Throes, Black Heart, Alfie Dog Books, Dagda Publishing, Thunderclap Press, and 1a, Horror, Sleaze, Trash and Rusty Nail.

Links:

Twitter: @NARandall1

Website: http://www.neilrandall.net

Blog: http://www.narandallblogspot.com

Never on a Saturday

[image error]The weather has turned so cold these days that the magic carpet has gone into the garage for the winter. I’ve whisked over today’s guest, my friend, co-author, and Crooked Cat editor, Sue Barnard by other magical means.

We’re cozy in my kitchen, tucking into tea and cake, while Lilydog makes a fuss of one of her favourite “aunties”.

So, Sue. You have a new book coming out soon. Give us a few hints. I’ve been lucky enough to have a sneaky peek. It’s not Shakespeare this time, is it?

No, not this time. That doesn’t rule out going back to him in the future, but I think he deserves a rest for the moment.

But, it is founded on a historical or mythical tale, right?

Yes, it’s inspired by an old French legend. Unfortunately I can’t say which legend, as that would give away too much about the plot.

How long has this one been brewing? When did it first come to you?

Overall, it’s been on the go for quite a long time. I first came across the legend a few years ago, when I visited the area of western France where the original story is set. A few weeks after that visit, I had a sudden flash of inspiration whilst I was gardening (I get quite a lot of my writing ideas when I’m gardening!). A single line of dialogue popped into my head: My name isn’t [X], it’s [Y] – where [Y] was the name of the character from the legend. The main character is reluctant to reveal her real name, and is quite happy to let people believe that she’s called something different.

I first wrote a short story based on this idea, but then decided to develop the idea a bit more and turn it into a full-length book.

I’m glad you did. Who is your favourite character? If it were a film, who could you see playing the leads?

I don’t think I can nominate a favourite character. But I can imagine Mel being played by Jenna Coleman, with David Tennant as Ray.

I know I love the book already but anything with Mr. Tennant would get me as a viewer Without giving too much away, anything else you’d like to tell us?

It’s a time-slip romance novella with a touch of the paranormal. It’s set partly in medieval France and partly in present-day North Wales, and uses a lot of the history and folklore of both places. Here’s the blurb:

About

Leaving her native France and arriving in North Wales as a postgraduate student of History and Folklore, Mel is cautiously optimistic that she can escape from her troubled past and begin a new and happier life. 

She settles into her student accommodation and begins work on her thesis, concentrating particularly on one fascinating manuscript: a compelling and tragic tale of a cursed medieval princess. 

Then she meets Ray – charming, down-to-earth and devastatingly handsome. Within days, Mel’s entire world has transformed from lonely and frustrated to loving and fulfilled. Despite her failure with previous relationships, she allows herself to hope that this time, at last, she can make it work.

But Mel’s dreams of happiness are under constant threat. She is hiding a dark and terrible secret, which Ray – or indeed anybody else – must never ever discover…

And this book is being released very shortly – when exactly?

It’s due out officially on 9 February 2017, but it’s available for pre-order now.

Paperback: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Never-Saturday-Sue-Barnard/dp/1542479541/[image error]

Kindle: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Never-Saturday-Sue-Barnard-ebook/dp/B01N4DOV64

BIO AND LINKS

Sue Barnard is a British novelist, editor and award-winning poet whose family background is far stranger than any work of fiction. She would write a book about it if she thought anybody would believe her.

Sue was born in North Wales but has spent most of her life in and around Manchester. She speaks French like a Belgian, German like a schoolgirl, and Italian and Portuguese like an Englishwoman abroad.

Her mind is so warped that she has appeared on BBC TV’s Only Connect quiz show, and she has also compiled questions for BBC Radio 4’s fiendishly difficult Round Britain Quiz. This once caused one of her sons to describe her as “professionally weird.” The label has stuck.

Sue joined the editorial team of Crooked Cat Publishing in 2013. Her first novel, The Ghostly Father (a new take on the traditional story of Romeo & Juliet) was officially released on St Valentine’s Day 2014. Since then she has produced three more novels: Nice Girls Don’t (2014), The Unkindest Cut of All (2015) and Never on Saturday (2017).

Sue now lives in Cheshire with her extremely patient husband and a large collection of unfinished scribblings. You can find her on Facebook, Twitter (@SusanB2011), Amazon, or follow her blog here.

CAUGHT BETWEEN TWO WORLDS

BY JUNE MOONBRIDGE

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Genre: CONTEMPORARY ROMANCE

Release Date: 1 st February 2017

A vacation on the shores of the Egyptian Red Sea was Veronica Blake’s long lasting dream.

But dreams turn into nightmares. Controlling boyfriend Peter complains and embarrasses her frequently in front of everybody from the start. A trip to the ancient sites turns into a disaster. But the salvation comes in the form of the mysterious Nicholas, a blue-eyed man she remembers from the hotel.

Deep in the Sahara desert Veronica encounters a totally different way of life. She desperately seeks the truth about everything that happened. Alone and afraid of her new written future she finds consolation with Nicholas, the only man she’s left to trust.

Will she ever accept the truth she seeks, the whole truth and nothing but the truth? Will she be able to find a way back to the life she was forced to leave behind?

BUY LINKS

https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B01NAQ25FR

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01NAQ25FR

ABOUT JUNE MOONBRIDGE

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June was born in June and she always loved the moon.

She studied economics, and quickly realised she hated it. She started to write in high school and was criticised by her teacher. Stubborn as she is, that didn’t stop her. Under different pen names, she had stories published in magazines, and then went on to publish three books.

After having two children, and learning that her second child has autism, she married their father and carried on working. Work and family life left her with little free time. But the desire to write didn’t die. When life somehow sorted itself out, she decided to write a novel in English…

For what happened then, re-read the second paragraph, third sentence…

Facebook: www.facebook.com/JMoonbridge

Twitter: https://twitter.com/JMoonbridge

Goodreads Author Page: https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/13887820.June_Moonbridge

Google+ https://plus.google.com/u/0/+JuneMoonbridgedreams

LinkedIn: https://si.linkedin.com/in/jmoonbridge

Blog: www.junemoonbridge.com

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The Return of the Jurassic

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Coming back for what is becoming his annual visit, is Seumas Gallacher. In case you missed last year’s chat you can read it here

I hope you found the magic warmth cloak I put on the carpet or you’d have frozen to death. Welcome, Seumas. Lovely to have you back. Get you into the kitchen and keep cozy. No, Cameron isn’t here, so don’t jump like that when the door opens.

Now keep us up to date on your books – how many now? How are they doing?

Well, like that Ol’ Man River, they just keep rollin’ along – five Jack Calder Crime thrillers already on Auntie Amazon, and the sixth, NO IMPUNITY, is a WURK-in-Progress, albeit in-Progress at its own good speed… I continually say I’m happy to see even one single sale from time to time for any of my wee literary babies, but recently, a really neat new avenue has opened up for the books – KINDLE UNLIMITED… I was a tad leery about the thought of downloads getting paid a mere fraction of a penny or cent per page, but of late, the volume across all the titles on there has developed nicely – think about it, 300 pages or so equals one book, and the royalties kick in accordingly, even after just 1 page! a lot of little makes a lot…and I’ve no idea what has triggered the interest from that source, as the titles have all been available on there for some months… but whatever’s causing it, no complaints from me!

How did you come up with the idea for this series?

When I was in the Philippines during a project some years ago, as a corporate trouble shooter doing a turnaround for a shipping company, I fired 600 trade union workers on the dockside, as well as policemen and locally elected officials in some of the ports we served…many of them were filling their pockets rather than looking after the company’s interests on their respective patches… it didn’t take long for me to be removed from their Christmas card list… and news came in that I was a ‘marked man’… the upshot was the engagement of a group of armed bodyguards and an armoured car for three years during the clean up… the men who protected me were trained by a former SAS (British Special Forces) officer… there’s the genesis for Jack Calder and his specialized security firm…

Did you always mean it to be a series or are you like me and your creations run away with you?

It truly began as a proposed one-off, just to prove to myself that I could actually write a full-length novel… then as you rightly say, the thing just took over, with a life all of its own, and voila, here comes book number 6… I try assiduously to ensure that each book can stand alone, and still constitute part of a recognizable series…

Do you ever manage to get to book signings? Are there enough English-language readers near you to do that? Or do you make special guest appearances in places?

There are many opportunities for events such as book signings here in the Middle East, and it’s not only European readers, but the entire gamut, Indian, Asian, Arabic, and Westerners… on top of formal book signings there are Arts and Crafts Fairs galore, where local writers, of which I’m now considered one, are invited to offer their masterpieces and sign, of course… wonderful selfie events! I also get invited to talk as an author at local universities and colleges, which is a real blast… younger lively minds, with terrific, insightful questions…

What is your best advertising?

I work hard on the web and via my blog, as you probably know, at ‘building the platform’ of relationships associated with the industry… readers, other writers, editors, magazine article producers, and just as importantly, maintaining these relationships… they are all part of my ‘business of writing’…

Any questions for me?

Tons, but let me restrict it to a few:

What are you currently writing now? Books 3&4 in Shaman series and a new series which is coming out in March 2017
How do you balance your time between so-called ‘everyday living’ and the writing process? I don’t (hysterical woodpecker laugh) I’m always writing if only in my head. I don’t work so can write any time I like.
Have you made a pact with your insurance company not to exceed 150kph on your bike? No, they have made me promise never to change my 125 for a bigger one.
Where’s your favourite place in the whole world? Honestly? I don’t mind, it’s the company, not the place, although Carnac in Brittany is one of them

Thanks for letting me back into the Bingergread House, m’Lady… mwaaah…You know the road, as we say in Scotland the door is always open. Haste ye back, mwaaaaah

New Year’s REVOLUTION

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[COUNTABLE] a sudden or major change, especially in ideas or methods

Last year I came up with the idea of “wisholutions” to avoid the feeling of remorse when breaking “resolutions”.

Now I’ve changed my mind again and decided that “wisholutions” are wishy-washy. Do or not do, there is no “try”.  To this end, I resorted to some old Celtic magic which is normally used at Samhain (the Celtic New Year) or Yule the Winter Solstice. “Ah buggrit”, I was ill then and it’s the intention that counts most, not the timing. I can do spells at midday that demand the full moon if I feel like it.

I wrote several words on a bit of paper representing things I would like to remove from my life, expel, expunge, give the order of the boot. I won’t tell you them all because having done my WooWoo on them and consigned them to the fire I feel a heap better and more energized. That’s one of the things, you see…continually being dropped on my head recently has left me lethargic and lazy when I’m not flat-out asleep.

One of the reasons I’m not as successful a writer as I could be is that my productivity is woefully low. Wrote two good books in quick succession, did a circus dismount from my motorbike and couldn’t write for nearly two years. That was a disaster for my sales.

[image error]Idle paws

Having got tired, CFS, ME and all the other alphabet soup of lazy…I rather got used to lying on my bed doing bugger all. No more. You remember my friend Otter down on the river? She sneaked into my room and whispered in my ear that her great-grandmother said, “Idle paws get caught up in weeds”. That would mean drowning! I realised what she was telling me. The way I was going on I was quite literally drowning my writing ability and any chance of success.

My health problems have mainly been down to my own dyspraxia (clumsiness) brought about my brain injury. I can get around this by practising “looking where I’m going” more esoterically known as “mindfulness”

Another by-product of spending most of my time reclining is that I have ballooned up. OK I can’t  do much exercise with my jiggered spine and [image error]arthritis but I’m going to ask Lisa, my physiotherapist, to give me some ideas next Wednesday. A very good on-line friend, who specialises in this subject, offered to look at my diet and exercise log for a month and give me pointers after I wrote and told her I’d bought one of her books. She has motivated me and I’m logging every dog-walking minute and so far, just doing that has put me off chocolate, biscuits etc as I’d hate to see them written down for someone else to see.

So that’s a very healthy little dog Lily enjoying more walks, a happy advisory otter and me, wishing you all the best for your own New Year (with or without Revolutions)

 

 

The Fascinating Becky Robertson

Here comes the carpet, making a wobbly landing and here’s Beck Robertson, another of my Crooked Cat pals.

[image error]Waves madly and stumbles off the carpet looking a bit dazed and windswept. Hi, sorry I know I’m a bit late but I took the opportunity to see the local sights for free. Saves on transport costs you know? That carpet’s a bit unreliable, though. Twice I almost got stuck suspended over the wrong cottage. I only realised it wasn’t yours when I looked at the sign, Gin and Bread Cottage. Honest, I wasn’t tempted to hop off at all I swear. I’ve eaten quite enough bread over the Christmas holidays.

First off – what would you like to drink?

Can I have some ruby port? I usually drink wine but I’m still in the festive mood. And I think port’s a bit stronger than wine which is good for the spirit isn’t it? I do like a nice stiff drink on social occasions. Just as long as it’s not that cheap Tesco value stuff as it can be a bit vinegary on the teeth. I don’t want to be talking with most of the skin removed from my lips for the rest of our chat, that would never do.

Perish the thought – we have some great port from the local shop. Have to admit I’ve had a nip or two over the festives!

I’d love some smelly strong cheese to go with the port if you’ve got any, maybe a nice Stilton? But since this is Bingerbread cottage I think it would be rude not to ask to binge on your gingerbread as well, as I’m sure it’s quite lovely.

Here’s the cheeseboard, all kinds of local cheese and some Roquefort which is even smellier than Stilton! Now, let’s start with your books – do you write under just one name or several? How many genres do you cover? How much have you had published including anthologies etc?

I write under my real name, Beck Robertson for paranormal romantic suspense, and mystery/ crime thrillers, and also under a variation of my name, Bec R. Robertson for my YA urban fantasy series, The FallenTrilogy.

That’s about three main genres I think, and my faves to write in, though I have dabbled in others. I’ve completed four novels and had two published. Blood Hunger, a paranormal romantic suspense, was published by Totally Bound, and One By One, a psychological crime thriller, will be released by Crooked Cat Books in March 2017.

I’m currently indie publishing Fallen Heart, the first book in my YA trilogy, and have the second book The Descent all written with plans to release that myself in Spring 2017. But if the right publisher came along I wouldn’t say no! I’m not above a bit of blatant pleading with publishers. Subtlety was never my strong point.

As for other work, I’ve also had a regency romance novella published by Xcite, and have indie pubbed a prequel novella for the YA series, the book’s called Before The Fall. Oh and I’ve had a short horror story of mine featured on The Midnight Circle podcast, narrated by an actor. That was quite fun.

How long have you been writing professionally? I imagine that, like all of us, you wrote all your life before “turning pro”.

I’ve been writing fiction seriously since 2013 but before that I trained as a journalist and worked as a copywriter, an occupation which I still work in to pay the bills today. I actually really enjoy my copywriting work, I enjoy anything that involves me getting paid to write. I think I’m just grateful I get to do something I genuinely love for money really.

For years before I actually sat down to write my first novel I dreamed about it and wish I hadn’t procrastinated so much about it now. But I console myself with the fact that in the four years since I started writing fiction, I’ve averaged out at about a novel a year, plus four novellas, and a pile of short stories that are currently sitting on my hard drive. So I’ve been fairly productive, though could definitely do with a kick up the bum sometimes.

Journalism AND a really productive author! Wow, I’m impressed. What was your first published work? Short story, magazine article, poem?

My first published work was an article in the Hammersmith and Fulham news covering a local non-profit radio station. I was working as a trainee on work experience at the paper at that time and was over the moon that I had a byline. I bought about 8 copies of the newspaper and kept looking longingly at my name in print.

(woodpecker laugh) I still do that! What are your ambitions / hopes for your writing career?

My ultimate dream is to pay my bills solely by writing fiction and also for more people to read (and hopefully enjoy) my work. And I think it would be totally amazing to have things happen like people dressing up as characters from my urban fantasy novels, that would be something I would fantasise about late at night definitely. That sounds a bit strange actually doesn’t it? Maybe you shouldn’t publish this?

Hrmm, moving on, regarding my work, I want to focus on just one or two genres for now, and plan to write another crime thriller in 2017, followed by the start of a fantasy series aimed at adults. Fantasy and crime are two of my favourite genres to read, so it’s only natural I love writing about them too.

Now on to you, the author. Where do you live and with whom? Describe a perfect day at home for me. (Where else have you lived?)

Currently I live on a houseboat with my wonderful partner of over a decade, Steven. I lived in London for years but now I live near the South Downs. We do plan to relocate to London again sometime in the next five years. It’s beautiful where I am now but I miss London, I know it’s a bit filthy and smelly but it’s almost like it’s part of my DNA.

When I was growing up I lived in a small town in Essex. The place was quite conservative at the time, so I was definitely the weird kid there with my left wing politics and penchant for dressing like a goth. I think it’s got a bit better now, as I left when I was about 25 which was over a decade ago.

Ye gods! I lived aboard a boat for six years and I’m still a Goth at 60! High five, sister!

A perfect day for me would be getting up and browsing the news and having a chat about what’s going on in the world with my partner over a steaming mug of coffee. Then, a fry up, followed by a productive morning writing, and then I think dinner in a nice restaurant followed by a film, or maybe a trip to the ballet.

People wouldn’t necessarily expect this from me as I look a bit punk but I’m a secret ballet fan. It probably comes from training as a dancer when I was really young, it stays with you. So do the memories of the dance teacher screaming at you to clench your buttocks tighter I suppose. Going to the movies might be nice too because there’s something about the atmosphere in a cinema that’s so exciting to me. I’m not a huge fan of clubs though I used to enjoy them. I’m probably showing my age (37) now!

Do you have a “day job”?

Yes, to pay the bills, I’m a copywriter. Basically I create the copy in all those really annoying pamphlets, flyers, sales letters, and emails that spam your inbox or get shoved through your front door. Sorry about that, It actually is still quite creative, in its own way. There’s a certain art to copywriting, so I would never dismiss it. Plus of course, it can be fairly lucrative, which can be remarkably persuasive.

Outside of writing and any other work, what is your main passion (greatest pleasures?)

Food. And reading. I read absolutely everything, even the back of cornflakes packets, and am always endlessly researching new subjects I’m fascinated by. Reading is my ultimate pleasure but I am also partial to the odd glass of wine or three. If I had to choose between reading, alcohol , or a really good roast dinner, reading would win every time, though I admit I might be thinking about the roast a bit while I was doing it.

Tell me two or three interesting facts about you that I haven’t asked.

I’m transsexual so I’m kind of a Mr Ben figure in that I went into the closet as one thing and came out as another. I don’t know if anyone reading this remembers Mr Ben on tv but I loved the way he went into that wardrobe and came out as a different character. That’s probably quite a strange way to describe being transsexual I know but then I am quite strange.

Hahhaha – and I’m gender queer so we have something else in common!

Another fact about me that I suppose could be quite interesting is that I have a total obsession with Tudor, and to a lesser degree, medieval history. In particular the Tudor period though, I consume everything Tudor, from books to bad to shows.

It’s actually an incredibly rich period in history though I think my obsession has now gone to new extremes as I’m coercing my partner to accompany me to a Tudor recreation in full costume this summer. It’s going to be quite funny to see people’s reaction to a pierced transsexual rocking aTudor minstrel’s outfit I think.

Finally and most importantly – Bio and links please.

I’m a 37-year-old mystery suspense and fantasy author, moonlighting as a professional copywriter so I can afford my own port and cheese. Sometimes I fantasise about living in Tudor times but then I remember they had no internet and didn’t take regular baths and quickly change my mind.

I’ve written a fantasy series aimed at young adults that‘s full of angels, demons, and magicky type things, called The Fallen Trilogy. You can get the first book in the series free by signing up to my mailing list here: http://beckrobertson.weebly.com because I’m nice like that.

My latest novel One By One is published by Crooked Cat and will be released on March 23rd. If you like twisty crime thrillers written by transexuals with multiple facial piercings you might enjoy it. Stalk me on[image error]

Twitter http://twitter.com/beckrobertson01

or Facebook http://Facebook.com/beckwrites. Please?

No need to beg, Becky, You have given us so much interesting info I’m sure that all my readeres are going to be flocking to follow you. And you can put me down on your mailing list too, of course!

Thanks so much for being here today, here, have some more port and we can finish the cheese while we continue a bit of chatting.

Last try…

There had been some changes in the Boardroom. The Director, disgusted with the way his Creation had gone, had decided to take an era off.

In his place, a Management Team had taken over, and they called an extraordinary meeting at the end of 2015 to try to find a solution to the problems, perhaps to allow the Director to return.

A round table replaced the rectangular one and everyone, even the Janitor, gathered there, armed with files and notebooks, taking a place at the table. Admittedly nobody wanted to sit next to the Janitor as he gave still gave off a great deal of heat and smelt strongly of sulphur.

Taking it in turns to chair the meeting proved impossible, even for these enlightened beings so they resorted to the ancient method of “talking stick” which, once the Goddess had grabbed it, poked several saints in their holy eyes and fended off other contenders, stayed in her hand.

“We all said at the beginning that Free Will was a bad idea!” She began but was howled down by various true-blue supporters of the Director. “However!” She thundered brandishing the talking stick, “we were over-ruled and that is the way things are with humanity.

I am therefore taking an idea of their own to turn back on them and I hope you will agree that it might work, although the preparation may be messy.”

The assembled religious founders, leaders and holy people cleared their throats and waited to hear her suggestion.

“It is not a huge component of the humans but if we can tap into “Compassion” we may be able to do it.”

A very fat Oriental at the end of the table sighed and smiled pleasantly. “I have been saying that for some time.”

“I have some personal experience of their compassion and I doubt it;”  The bearded young man at the side of the oriental gentleman rubbed his palms ruefully.

“Perhaps if we could take it apart, make the bowl of sweeties identifiable?” An elephant headed being opposite the Goddess asked, sniffing a toffee up his trunk and blowing it into his mouth.

His neighbour, a monkey-shaped deity, nicked another toffee and giggled “If we can take a tip from them it would make a change. Been trying to get them to copy us long enough!”

Next to the Goddess, a young man with antlers began to explain.

“The lady and I very much enjoyed an act of charity which the humans invented for themselves. Very rich and sometimes talented performers gave their time freely to make money for the poor and hungry. All the people contributed to hear the performance and the proceeds went to the needy.”

Many of the meeting looked thunderstruck. They did not, of habit, take an interest in the daily activities of the world, relying on incoming prayer to keep them abreast of things.

The Janitor grinned and tapped one of his vast logbooks.

“Got a lot of contracts coming up soon.” He sniffed half a bucket of what sounded like wallpaper paste up his nose and twitched his tail.

“Usual thing. Sold their soul for rock and roll, got their glory, got their dosh and now…payback time.”

Gabriel was on his feet but the antlered man tapped with the Talking Stick.

“If you wish your turn, Archie, you must ask for it.”

“If I may…Lady?” Gabriel turned a shade of crimson and bowed in apology to the woman in blue and white who waved to the Goddess. “OK with you Sis?”

“Gabriel has the Talking Stick”

“These musicians and entertainers are damned to eternity. How can the end of their contract have anything to do with helping humanity?”

“Because, old love, the basement is getting overcrowded. With all the terrorism and horror that Free Will has wrought on your beloved creation, I can’t bloody move down there. These guys wanted sex and drugs and rock and roll. I don’t see they deserve as much punishment as some of the buggers I have coming in now”

The Janitor was never one to mince his words.

The woman in blue and white snatched the Talking Stick from Gabriel.

“I agree. The deal they made with our dear Lucy, erm the Janitor, excuse me, has given a huge amount of pleasure to so many. I think a deal would be a good idea.”

“Maaaaaaaam!” the bearded man complained.

“You don’t have the stick, Mummy does!” she snapped. “They can buy their redemption by performing up here. We’ll do our own Band Aid.”

There was a silence for a moment while everyone digested this suggestion. “If I may?” A turbaned man held out his hand for the stick. “I, of all of us, want to make amends for the current situation but may I ask what we, as deities and holy people can do with a concert?”

The fat bald man giggled. “Well I have a huge amount of “Om Mani Padme Hum”, buckets of them. Each one worth salvation for humanity. Surely you must have the same things in your warehouses. Your people pray every day, and not just for themselves. Can’t you sift out the ones that are for the good of the world and pay for your concert tickets with them?”

A stunned silence followed. Each saint was counting up the approximate number of pleas for the good of humanity offered up daily.

Another elderly man with a grey beard nodded. “Oi but this is going to be awkward” Nodding around the table. “So we take their great entertainers all in this year? We are going to be so popular already!”

The meeting finished when the Janitor pointed out that all those who would finish on earth were already coming to the end of their contract. Their allocated time was expiring.

Lord Shiva picked up his flute and Lady Saraswatee her lute and they began to practice, anticipating performing with some of the greatest entertainers the world had ever known.

“It could work, “ the young bearded man admitted. “And it if doesn’t. Things can’t get much worse.” [image error]