S. Simone Chavous's Blog, page 35
February 1, 2013
Journey and struggles of a self-published writing mother
It's only been about 7 months since I decided I was going to self-publish a novel, and boy has it been an interesting ride! I've started and stopped multiple times, getting this idea or that which seem like the one, my voice, the story I have to tell, until the day that it's not. Then one day, Isabella, my then nine month old daughter did something that gave me THE idea. I scooped her up laughing and spinning around, so thrilled as the story seemed to be writing itself in my head in those moments. Unfortunately, she had learned to walk a couple of weeks prior to that and was getting into EVERYTHING, so most of my writing consisted of sloppily written notes on envelopes, and eventually a notepad that I bought to outline my story. Forget about trying to type it while she was awake. She was, and still is obsessed with my "puter" and attempts to type anytime I have it open.
Did I mention I also have a day job as a tax accountant at a CPA firm over an hour away? Yeah, having another job and a commute really impedes on my writing time. So over the last few months I've found myself staying up ridiculously late at night writing some and reading a lot. Afterall, the reading is what started me on this journey in the first place.
I've always been an avid reader, but nearly a year ago I discovered the world of independent authors when I purchased "Tall, Dark, and Lonely" by R.L. Mathewson through iBooks on my new iPhone for $0.99. I adored it and within the span of a few weeks I had purchased and read everything she had published and quickly moved on to discover the work of many more independent authors.
At this point, I have to give a big thank you to R.L., she has been such an inspiration to me. Without her work, I never would have started on this journey in the first place. Up until that point I had no idea that self-publishing was even a possibility. I became a friend of R.L's on Facebook, finding it shocking that such a talented author was so accessible.
And one day, it hit me. She was just like me. She was a mother, a normal person and she had done it, put herself out there. I wanted to write too. It had always been in the back of my mind, but I never seriously considered it as a possibility. When I was in highschool and college, the industry was too tough, it was too hard to get published, so I wrote off being an author in the same way one might being a famous actor or pop star. I chose a practical route and majored in accounting.
So here I am, nearly ten years later and everything has changed. The literary world is now open to all who have the drive to access it. Can't get a contract with a traditional publisher, tired of all the rejected queries? No big deal, publish it yourself.
So here I am. I've made the decision to be a writer. I have the idea and I've started writing it, but it is not so easy. The words don't flow in an endless stream day and night ready to be put to paper every time I have a spare moment. More often than not the ideas come at inopportune moments, while I'm at work, changing a diaper, or driving to cheer practice. Thank God for technology! I've recently discovered the miracle of voice notes so I can record ideas when I'm in the car, which is where I spend a large chunk of my free time. But even with the miracle of technology, it is really hard to make time to write as the mother of a fifteen month old and a twelve year old with a job. All of those voice notes need to be transcribed, and to be honest, when I'm listening back to them, they don't always make sense.
Oh, and then there is the self-doubt. The thoughts that no one will want to read your book, or those that do will hate it. That every author that came before you is far more talented and that you are just fooling yourself in thinking you can do this. Somehow, by some miracle, I have gotten by all of that and have pushed forward.
At the end of the day, I find that I'm exhausted. I don't get enough sleep, I don't work out anymore, and I never feel like I've gotten enough writing done. But there's a light at the end of the tunnel. In just a few months my first book will be published and I will be well into the second. Hopefully, my books will be successful enough to allow me to leave my current job to pursue my career as an author full-time, but even if that never happens, I can be proud of myself. I did it. I made something all my own and put it out there for the judgment of others.
People are mean and inconsiderate, especially in the virtual world, so anyone who is brave enough to put themselves out there, to put their baby, their work, out into the world should hold their heads high and be proud of the accomplishment that comes from being brave and taking a chance on yourself.
Did I mention I also have a day job as a tax accountant at a CPA firm over an hour away? Yeah, having another job and a commute really impedes on my writing time. So over the last few months I've found myself staying up ridiculously late at night writing some and reading a lot. Afterall, the reading is what started me on this journey in the first place.
I've always been an avid reader, but nearly a year ago I discovered the world of independent authors when I purchased "Tall, Dark, and Lonely" by R.L. Mathewson through iBooks on my new iPhone for $0.99. I adored it and within the span of a few weeks I had purchased and read everything she had published and quickly moved on to discover the work of many more independent authors.
At this point, I have to give a big thank you to R.L., she has been such an inspiration to me. Without her work, I never would have started on this journey in the first place. Up until that point I had no idea that self-publishing was even a possibility. I became a friend of R.L's on Facebook, finding it shocking that such a talented author was so accessible.
And one day, it hit me. She was just like me. She was a mother, a normal person and she had done it, put herself out there. I wanted to write too. It had always been in the back of my mind, but I never seriously considered it as a possibility. When I was in highschool and college, the industry was too tough, it was too hard to get published, so I wrote off being an author in the same way one might being a famous actor or pop star. I chose a practical route and majored in accounting.
So here I am, nearly ten years later and everything has changed. The literary world is now open to all who have the drive to access it. Can't get a contract with a traditional publisher, tired of all the rejected queries? No big deal, publish it yourself.
So here I am. I've made the decision to be a writer. I have the idea and I've started writing it, but it is not so easy. The words don't flow in an endless stream day and night ready to be put to paper every time I have a spare moment. More often than not the ideas come at inopportune moments, while I'm at work, changing a diaper, or driving to cheer practice. Thank God for technology! I've recently discovered the miracle of voice notes so I can record ideas when I'm in the car, which is where I spend a large chunk of my free time. But even with the miracle of technology, it is really hard to make time to write as the mother of a fifteen month old and a twelve year old with a job. All of those voice notes need to be transcribed, and to be honest, when I'm listening back to them, they don't always make sense.
Oh, and then there is the self-doubt. The thoughts that no one will want to read your book, or those that do will hate it. That every author that came before you is far more talented and that you are just fooling yourself in thinking you can do this. Somehow, by some miracle, I have gotten by all of that and have pushed forward.
At the end of the day, I find that I'm exhausted. I don't get enough sleep, I don't work out anymore, and I never feel like I've gotten enough writing done. But there's a light at the end of the tunnel. In just a few months my first book will be published and I will be well into the second. Hopefully, my books will be successful enough to allow me to leave my current job to pursue my career as an author full-time, but even if that never happens, I can be proud of myself. I did it. I made something all my own and put it out there for the judgment of others.
People are mean and inconsiderate, especially in the virtual world, so anyone who is brave enough to put themselves out there, to put their baby, their work, out into the world should hold their heads high and be proud of the accomplishment that comes from being brave and taking a chance on yourself.
Choices of Fate - Teaser #3
Before she could blink he was over the center console kissing her fervently as he pressed his knee between her legs sending a jolt of arousal through her.
And just like that he pulled back, hovering over her and looking into her eyes while she panted with desire.
“Alexa, I can’t come up with you tonight.” Her expression became one of hurt and confusion, until he continued, “But I am going to make you come, I have to taste you.”
And just like that he pulled back, hovering over her and looking into her eyes while she panted with desire.
“Alexa, I can’t come up with you tonight.” Her expression became one of hurt and confusion, until he continued, “But I am going to make you come, I have to taste you.”
Choices of Fate - Teaser #2
They arrived at her building and he pulled the car into a space right in front of the entryway that was miraculously vacant. She usually had to park on the other side of the lot by the dumpsters. As Ethan removed his seatbelt and reached for the handle to get out and open Alexa’s door she blurted, “Do you want to spend the night with me.”
Her cheeks immediately flushed with color as the awkwardness of the question registered in her mind.
Ethan took a deep breath and sighed. “I do not think that is a good idea tonight.”
“Oh, ok. Well…goodnight then.” Alexa struggled to say the words as she choked back an embarrassed sob. She felt so stupid for even asking.
Before she could make her escape, Ethan hit the door locks and reached over to grab her hand as she struggled with the handle trying to fight back the tears.
“Alexa, please wait. “ He took another deep breath, struggling to restrain himself but not wanting her to leave feeling like he didn’t want her. “Listen, you have to know how much I want to come up. I do not think I have ever wanted anything more in my life, but I think we should wait. There is so much we need to talk about, learn about each other. I do not want to rush you and I want you to be able to make an informed decision about me and what you really want.”
He moved his hand up to lightly grip her chin and turn her face towards him, seeing a lone tear sliding down her cheek.
“Oh, amor, please do not cry. You must trust me.”
He leaned over and kissed away the tear on her cheek and lingered there breathing shallowly and she closed her eyes. Before he could think better of it his mouth was slanting over hers again. She immediately opened to him and his tongue slipped inside, lightly teasing hers. He kissed down the line of her jaw to her neck, then abruptly pulled away and pressed himself back against the door of his car panting, as if he couldn’t get far enough away at the moment.
She opened her eyes to see him looking as if he was in pain. Not knowing what to think or say, she instinctually opened her mind and was met with a feeling of struggle like she had never felt, but she couldn’t hear any real thoughts. As she reached out to him, his face changed and the torment that she felt was replaced with what she could only describe as conditioned restraint.
“I’m sorry, Alexa. Please understand this is incredibly difficult for me.” He leaned in and placed his forehead against hers. “I want you so badly right now, but I want you forever more. That is why I am going to wait.”
Her cheeks immediately flushed with color as the awkwardness of the question registered in her mind.
Ethan took a deep breath and sighed. “I do not think that is a good idea tonight.”
“Oh, ok. Well…goodnight then.” Alexa struggled to say the words as she choked back an embarrassed sob. She felt so stupid for even asking.
Before she could make her escape, Ethan hit the door locks and reached over to grab her hand as she struggled with the handle trying to fight back the tears.
“Alexa, please wait. “ He took another deep breath, struggling to restrain himself but not wanting her to leave feeling like he didn’t want her. “Listen, you have to know how much I want to come up. I do not think I have ever wanted anything more in my life, but I think we should wait. There is so much we need to talk about, learn about each other. I do not want to rush you and I want you to be able to make an informed decision about me and what you really want.”
He moved his hand up to lightly grip her chin and turn her face towards him, seeing a lone tear sliding down her cheek.
“Oh, amor, please do not cry. You must trust me.”
He leaned over and kissed away the tear on her cheek and lingered there breathing shallowly and she closed her eyes. Before he could think better of it his mouth was slanting over hers again. She immediately opened to him and his tongue slipped inside, lightly teasing hers. He kissed down the line of her jaw to her neck, then abruptly pulled away and pressed himself back against the door of his car panting, as if he couldn’t get far enough away at the moment.
She opened her eyes to see him looking as if he was in pain. Not knowing what to think or say, she instinctually opened her mind and was met with a feeling of struggle like she had never felt, but she couldn’t hear any real thoughts. As she reached out to him, his face changed and the torment that she felt was replaced with what she could only describe as conditioned restraint.
“I’m sorry, Alexa. Please understand this is incredibly difficult for me.” He leaned in and placed his forehead against hers. “I want you so badly right now, but I want you forever more. That is why I am going to wait.”
Choices of Fate - Teaser #1
Taking the opportunity to make her escape unchallenged while her companions were busy ogling some stranger, Alexa stood making her excuses about having to get an early start the next morning even though it was obvious the two women weren’t hearing a word of it. She grabbed her clutch and turned to make her way to the coatroom, walking right into someone in her hurry to get away.
“Excuse me, I’m really sorry,” she blurted without even looking up.
“I’m the one who is sorry, if you’re leaving. I just spent the last ten minutes gathering up the courage to come and ask if you would let me buy you a drink.”
Her breath caught as the stranger’s accented voice registered in her mind and tingling warmth gathered in her core and washed over her entire body. She turned to look up at him and felt her knees start to buckle as he swiftly wrapped his arm around her waist to steady her on her feet. Where his voice had made her feel warm, his touch set her body on fire. Unable to speak, or remember her own name for that matter, she drank in the physical perfection of the man who seemed to be quite at home holding her. His nicely tousled chestnut locks made him look like he had just rolled out of bed in the best way possible and were just long enough to make her think how good it would feel to run her fingers through them while he was pressed up against her so closely. Moving her shameless stare down to look into his beautiful eyes that fell somewhere in between green and grey, she almost melted as the darkness of desire clouded them while he stared down at her lips. Following suit, she gazed down to his full lips and felt her lacy black panties flood as he wet his lips with his tongue and held on to the bottom one with his teeth.
Oh. My. God. She thought he was going to kiss her. A complete stranger whom she had bumped in to literally 15 seconds ago was going to kiss her in a crowded bar and God help her, she had never wanted anything so badly. As she held her breath, waiting, hell, practically praying that he would lean down and press his mouth to hers, he turned and pulled out the chair that she had vacated just a few moments earlier and eased her onto it effectively snapping her back to reality.
“Excuse me, I’m really sorry,” she blurted without even looking up.
“I’m the one who is sorry, if you’re leaving. I just spent the last ten minutes gathering up the courage to come and ask if you would let me buy you a drink.”
Her breath caught as the stranger’s accented voice registered in her mind and tingling warmth gathered in her core and washed over her entire body. She turned to look up at him and felt her knees start to buckle as he swiftly wrapped his arm around her waist to steady her on her feet. Where his voice had made her feel warm, his touch set her body on fire. Unable to speak, or remember her own name for that matter, she drank in the physical perfection of the man who seemed to be quite at home holding her. His nicely tousled chestnut locks made him look like he had just rolled out of bed in the best way possible and were just long enough to make her think how good it would feel to run her fingers through them while he was pressed up against her so closely. Moving her shameless stare down to look into his beautiful eyes that fell somewhere in between green and grey, she almost melted as the darkness of desire clouded them while he stared down at her lips. Following suit, she gazed down to his full lips and felt her lacy black panties flood as he wet his lips with his tongue and held on to the bottom one with his teeth.
Oh. My. God. She thought he was going to kiss her. A complete stranger whom she had bumped in to literally 15 seconds ago was going to kiss her in a crowded bar and God help her, she had never wanted anything so badly. As she held her breath, waiting, hell, practically praying that he would lean down and press his mouth to hers, he turned and pulled out the chair that she had vacated just a few moments earlier and eased her onto it effectively snapping her back to reality.
Choices of Fate synopsis
On her own since the day she turned eighteen and left the group home where she grew up, twenty-five year old Alexa Ryan has made a comfortable life for herself. She has a great job, the perfect apartment, every material possession a girl her age could desire. Unfortunately, she also has an unusual condition that has forced her to keep everyone at a distance.
Ethan Kellar has spent his entire life running from destiny. When he was just a boy, a powerful seer prophesized his role in events that would determine the outcome of the secret war his people had been fighting for centuries. A role he was determined not to accept, leading him to avoid letting anyone get too close, until the night Alexa fell into his arms.
Drawn to her in a way that he has never experienced, Ethan decides to take the ultimate risk by trusting Alexa and revealing to her all that he truly is. Thinking she is an ordinary woman, he believes that she is the key to preventing the prophecy from being fulfilled and allowing him to live the life he has always wanted, one that he chooses. Having been so consumed with the desire to determine the course of his own life he wants no less for Alexa and knows he must tell her everything, give her a choice. Before that happens they surrender to the intense physical attraction between them and he realizes too late that in trying so hard to change his fate, he may have set the events of the prophecy in motion.
In that moment, Ethan makes the most difficult decision of his life and does the only thing he can to save Alexa. He walks away.
Consumed by grief, Alexa falls into a deep depression until she learns that her brief encounter with love resulted in a child and somehow finds the strength to put herself back together for the sake of her baby Chloe.
Nearly two years after Ethan walked out Chloe develops an unexplained illness that sends Alexa in search of anything that can help. Her pursuit leads her back to Ethan and thrusts her into his dark and mysterious world, unlocking the secrets of her past and revealing threats to their future. Together, Alexa and Ethan fight to protect Chloe and their love, but there is one battle Ethan fights alone as he struggles to choose his own path and avoid the choices of fate.
Ethan Kellar has spent his entire life running from destiny. When he was just a boy, a powerful seer prophesized his role in events that would determine the outcome of the secret war his people had been fighting for centuries. A role he was determined not to accept, leading him to avoid letting anyone get too close, until the night Alexa fell into his arms.
Drawn to her in a way that he has never experienced, Ethan decides to take the ultimate risk by trusting Alexa and revealing to her all that he truly is. Thinking she is an ordinary woman, he believes that she is the key to preventing the prophecy from being fulfilled and allowing him to live the life he has always wanted, one that he chooses. Having been so consumed with the desire to determine the course of his own life he wants no less for Alexa and knows he must tell her everything, give her a choice. Before that happens they surrender to the intense physical attraction between them and he realizes too late that in trying so hard to change his fate, he may have set the events of the prophecy in motion.
In that moment, Ethan makes the most difficult decision of his life and does the only thing he can to save Alexa. He walks away.
Consumed by grief, Alexa falls into a deep depression until she learns that her brief encounter with love resulted in a child and somehow finds the strength to put herself back together for the sake of her baby Chloe.
Nearly two years after Ethan walked out Chloe develops an unexplained illness that sends Alexa in search of anything that can help. Her pursuit leads her back to Ethan and thrusts her into his dark and mysterious world, unlocking the secrets of her past and revealing threats to their future. Together, Alexa and Ethan fight to protect Chloe and their love, but there is one battle Ethan fights alone as he struggles to choose his own path and avoid the choices of fate.
Choices of Fate cover reveal
Big day today! The cover of Choices of Fate was exclusively revealed at Stick Girl Book Reviews!Stick Girl Book Reviews
