Jim Palmer's Blog, page 3

Sorting out victimhood and personal responsibility

Most people's lives are being guided along by low-level insights that really don't go anywhere worthwhile and usually keep us stuck in places of brokenness. Higher insights that can lead to true healing and wholeness often contradict or refute the low-level insights. For example, it's easy to build a lot of energy and consensus around a "victim mentality" - the idea that others are to blame for the difficulties, hardships, and shortcomings of our lives, and believing that our well-being is out of our control and primarily the responsibility of others. The reason this is debilitating is NOT because it's not true that our lives can be negatively and unfairly impacted by people and circumstances outside our control. Of course this happens. A few unfortunate realities about our human journey are that life is unfair, we experience suffering, and people do evil, selfish, unjust and harmful things. The victim mentality is debilitating because it undermines our ability to do anything about our situation. If you are having difficulties in any area of your life, and you believe you are capable of being the fundamental cause or agent in managing your life, you can devise a strategy to improve your situation. And if one solution doesn’t work, you can learn from your experience and try again. But if you have a victim mentality — in other words, if you feel powerless to affect your circumstances or you are making others responsible for your life, well-being and happiness — you are less likely to see yourself as the most important person in the equation. Here is a way I reasoned out putting personal responsibility over the victim mentality in my own life: 1. Have I actually been victimized in some way? Yes. 2. Was the person who victimized me guilty and wrong, and their actions evil and inexcusable? Yes. 3. Did the experience of being victimized impact me and my life in unfortunate and destructive ways? Yes. 4. Is life unfair and sometimes tragic? Yes. 5. Are the determining factors for my well-being, healing and wholeness my choices and personal responsibility? Yes. 6. Even if others are to blame for my current demise, are the determining factors for my well-being, healing and wholeness my choices and personal responsibility? Yes. 7. Even if the system is rigged against me, are the determining factors for my well-being, healing and wholeness my choices and personal responsibility? Yes. 8. Is it okay to ask for the help and support of others in my journey toward healing and wholeness? Yes. 9. Is it normal to feel sadness, sorrow, and anger about being victimized and toward the person who victimized me? Yes. 10. Am I capable of taking responsibility and making the choices necessary for my well-being? Yes. 11. Will doing so be difficult? Yes. 12. Will it be worth it? Yes.13. Are there cases where vulnerable people throughout our world are being controlled, enslaved and oppressed in which I should work towards their liberation in any way I can? Yes.14. Should I be willing to change my own mindsets and actions that are directly or indirectly complicit in causing suffering and making the well-being of others difficult? Yes. During a season of my life I traveled abroad with an international human rights agency, confronting forced child prostitution and child slave labor. I posed as a customer in brothels where girls as young as 12 years of age were forced to provide sex to "customers" four or five times a day, six days a week. I also posed as an investor in a child slave labor camp where little boys are whipped with electrical cords if they don't meet their impossible quota of rolling cigarettes. I witnessed all of this up close and personal with my own eyes. Of course these girls and boys are truly victims. I also visited the NGO's that worked with the kids lucky enough to be rescued from the brothels and child labor camps. I met many young women and young men who - through years of professional physical, emotional and psychological care, support, and treatment, and the love and nurture of people who care - have grown in self-confidence and have learned the skills and tools to take responsibility for and direct their lives. It's a beautiful thing to see.

Isms and Identity Politics

"Jim, do you think Humanism is the best non-religious philosophy to follow?"*Humanism is an outlook attaching prime importance to being human. Humanist beliefs stress the value and goodness of human beings, emphasize common human needs, and seek solely rational ways of solving human problems. Outside the framework of religion or supernaturalism, Humanism affirms our ability and responsibility to lead meaningful, ethical lives capable of adding to the greater good of humanity. Many people tend to equate morality, ethics, spirituality, goodness with religion or belief in God, while a Humanist sees these as innate and inherent human characteristics and interests.Humanists also view science as the best framework for understanding the origins of the universe and for creating a coherent and meaningful understanding of our place in the world, as opposed to the narratives of religion. Whereas atheism is more of a position (disbelief in the existence of God or gods) humanism is more of a practice - living a meaningful, ethical, responsible, altruistic, spiritual life.The potential problem I see is in the last three letters - "ism." Any "ism" runs the risk of taking on the same characteristics that make religion problematic. An "ism" typically starts dividing up the world into who's in and who's out. Think of the language people use around isms - "I AM a Christian, "I AM a Buddhist," "I AM an Atheist," "I AM a Humanist" - we adopt these "isms" as our identify and then soon become another religion. Isms can lead to a tribal mentality that separate and divide people, and pit them against each other. When we are entrenched in our isms, we tend to obsess over what makes us different, and lose sight of what makes us similar or unites us as one human family. For example, Abraham Maslow created the "Hierarchy of Needs" as a way of describing the universal needs and desires we all have as human beings. There is much more common ground for cultivating a meaningful unity and harmony, but we struggle to see this when we are entrenched in our tribes, warring against one another. A term that has especially risen to prominence in recent years is "identity politics," which are groups of people having a particular racial, religious, ethnic, social, or cultural identity who tend to promote their own specific interests or concerns without regard to the interests or concerns of any larger group. You can believe something without making it an ism. I have a firm conviction in gravity but I do not tell people I am a Gravitist or follow Gravitism. Consider the possibility of finding a bigger game in life than following an ism. For example, why not decide that what you ultimately want in life is to actualize the fullest extent of your potentialities and possibilities as a human being. Then you can incorporate what you find as meaningful from various philosophies, without becoming attached to one of them as a religion. Even if you find one philosophy to be sufficient as a framework for a meaningful life, you don't have to make it an ism or turn it into a religion.One of the themes of my upcoming book is how to cultivate a meaningful and fulfilling life without getting sucked into the ism-mentality.

My Life in One Question (The story behind my new book)

Wanting my life to make a difference in this world has been an enduring aspiration of mine. It was religion that first kindled this yearning. As a freshman in college, I found a comforting and meaningful sense of order and structure to religion that gave my existence an anchor. It was also the arena in which my social life flourished and deep relationships formed. Through my involvement in a Christian campus ministry, I discovered I had leadership and speaking abilities that I could use to inspire and galvanize groups of people. It turns out that I was one of those persuasive, charismatic, and catalytic figures that others like to follow. All of this convinced me that I was called by God to be a pastor and engineer a spiritual revolution.After graduating college, I was accepted into a seminary in Chicago where I earned a Master of Divinity degree. In my final year of studies, I joined the pastoral staff team of a mega-church – at the time, the largest in North America. The sprawling church campus covered 155 acres and attracted 26,000 people to its weekend worship services. My three-year experience at this church is what formed my thinking about ministry and fueled my ambitions to change the world.With the blessing of this church, I set out on my own. I started a church in Nashville, Tennessee where I was the Senior Pastor for seven years. We began as a group of five people in a front room and grew to fill a movie theater where we gathered for worship services each Sunday morning. We especially attracted singles and young families with our hip music, practical teaching, social events, outreach mindset, and an overall renegade style to doing church.In 2004 I had a crisis of faith. Things weren't adding up. Despite the appearances of success, we were having serious problems within the church. My weekly teaching of upstanding biblical theology did little to stave off issues in our congregation such as depression, addiction, domestic violence, divorce, and suicide. In a moment of brutal honesty, I admitted to myself that my pastoral persona did not line up with my internal brokenness, disharmony, and suffering. One day I realized that some of the theology I signed up to represent, I could not in good conscious believe or teach anymore. Shortly thereafter I resigned as senior pastor, left professional Christian ministry, and began searching for answers. I created a blog where I began sharing the challenges and struggles of questioning my faith and leaving my professional ministry calling and career. What I shared touched a nerve with many others who were also in the throes of their own crisis of faith. Upon the encouragement of a friend who worked at a major publishing house, I started writing about my journey out of religion. I have published five books to date, spanning nine years.Over the course of those years and books, my beliefs evolved considerably as I left behind most of the central doctrines of orthodox Christianity. I made a good faith effort to salvage what I believed to be the most useful ideas of the Christian religion, and even argued for the significance and relevance of Jesus regardless of one’s religious or non-religious beliefs. It wasn’t always smooth sailing. My books were becoming increasingly controversial to the Christian establishment, and ties were cut with my publishing house when the contents of my third book led to the charge of heresy.Meanwhile, my Inbox was blowing up with emails from people who were sharing their stories of being deeply damaged and feeling betrayed by their involvement in religion. I addressed these issues in my later books, began working individually with people in recovering from harmful religious beliefs and practices, and created a course and other online tools to assist those in addressing the damage of toxic religious indoctrination and spiritual abuse. In recent years, the mental health field has invested more time and energy in understanding the psychological damage caused by some forms of religion. Religious Trauma Syndrome (RTS) is the clinical terms used to identify the chronic abuses of harmful religion and the impact of severing one's connection with their faith and faith community.The desire to be a change-agent and make a difference in the world did not die off after abandoning religion, it just took different forms. For a season of my life, after leaving professional ministry, I served as the Executive Director of a non-profit social work agency in my city, and later as the U.S. Director of Education for an international human rights organization.I wasn’t quite sure what to do with religion – write it off entirely or take on the role of a reformer. Ultimately, I decided that the interfaith movement was a strategic investment of my time and energy. There’s no debate that people of different faiths, getting along peacefully and working together for a common good is a monumental victory for humankind. I created a five-point manifesto, outlining the basis for interfaith unity and action, and shared it with imams, rabbis, priests, pastors, ministers and monks throughout my city.Our common humanity is reason enough for all people to coexist peacefully, and operate with justice, equity, and compassion in our human relations. I believe in a Homo sapiens solidarity where all humans cooperate and collaborate to reduce suffering and increase flourishing. In my view, whatever your religious, spiritual, secular or philosophical beliefs are, you are responsible for thoughtfully scrutinizing them and dismissing what doesn't promote a common good. Even as a staunch critic of harmful religious beliefs and practices, I can find something enriching and meaningful within every religious and spiritual tradition. But in my personal spiritual journey, I was finding more affinity with non-religious philosophies of life such as transcendentalism, stoicism and humanism.I particularly found the philosophy of humanism appealing. Humanism asserts human responsibility for solving our problems, shaping our destiny, forging lives of meaning, virtue and wellbeing, and building a world of less suffering and more flourishing. Not just that we are responsible, but that we are up to the task based solely upon the merits of being human, making belief in deities or the supernatural unnecessary.In time I became certified as a Humanist Chaplain through The Humanist Society and started a chapter of the American Humanist Association in Nashville TN. This increasingly brought me into contact with a variety of secular, humanist and atheist organizations and initiatives. The more involved I became, the more I noticed a disconnect between the secular movement and ordinary everyday people.Though I believed in the fundamental principles of humanism in theory, what I observed among those who identified themselves as humanists and other non-religious philosophies, was troubling. Some of them were combative and caustic against all religion and seemed to enjoy attacking, belittling and slandering all people of faith. It was also clear that the secular community was highly political and expected all non-religious people to adopt and advance a political ideology and agenda. I recorded and posted a series of videos on YouTube, sharing my concerns about the modern secular movement.I learned from my experiences that both religion and non-religion were equally disappointing and failed people in their quest to lead meaningful, whole and fulfilled lives. Whether you are a zealous believer or devout atheist, you’re just as likely to be living a malcontent life.Why?People don’t realize they are making God and religion the reference point of their lives, whether they are for it or against it. The Christian and the Atheist suffer from the same problem. They both put supreme importance on God and religion, the former as a proponent and the latter as an opponent. Either way, their identity and fundamental philosophy of life is based on their view of God and religion.Being zealously for or against religion can be rewarding, especially if you fashion a professional career, public persona or income stream out of it. People who are public figures because of their stance for or against religion have large followings, and cash-in with books, speaking events, organizational positions and social clout. I’m not pointing the figure. For many years my vocation and income stemmed from being a professional minster. Upon leaving religion, the books I’ve written about my journey as well as my professional work, helping people recover from the damage of harmful religion has made me a public figure and generated a modest stream of income.But in the last couple years some significant shifts have occurred inside me. I don’t claim a side in being for or against God and religion. I affirm what I see as good in religious faith or belief in God, and I speak out against the misuse of religion and the ways some forms of religion damage and poison people. I continue to offer various resources to those who are suffering the effects of Religious Trauma Syndrome and are in the process of disentangling themselves from toxic doctrines.In my personal journey, I have pivoted away from religion to a different reference point for my life. I am no longer interested in investing my time and energy in making a case or perpetuating a persona either for or against God and religion. The last few years I have grown more indifferent toward the grand theological and existential questions about matters such as the origins of the universe, the meaning of existence, if there’s a God, and the afterlife.Instead, the direction, inspiration and focus in my life was seized by one simple question: Am I living life well?On the surface, it seems like a rather mundane and humdrum question. Compared to the ultimate questions about the universe, existence, God, death, and immortality, the matter of “living life well” appeared peripheral and inconsequential. But the more I drilled into the layers of this question, the more I was convinced that this is the most significant question a person can ever ask.My upcoming book is meant to catapult that question into our collective consciousness as human beings. It’s the question I believe every person must stop and deeply consider, the implications of which are far more consequential than debating theological or existential questions for which there are no conclusive answers.Am I living life well? When properly understood, it’s a question that I believe can transform the world if each of us individually and all of us collectively devote ourselves to answering. The contribution I am now compelled to make is to lay this question before our human species.

My Life in One Question (Why I'm publishing one last book)

Wanting my life to make a difference in this world has been an enduring aspiration of mine. It was religion that first kindled this yearning. As a freshman in college, I found a comforting and meaningful sense of order and structure to religion that gave my existence an anchor. It was also the arena in which my social life flourished and deep relationships formed. Through my involvement in a Christian campus ministry, I discovered I had leadership and speaking abilities that I could use to inspire and galvanize groups of people. It turns out that I was one of those persuasive, charismatic, and catalytic figures that others like to follow. All of this convinced me that I was called by God to be a pastor and engineer a spiritual revolution.After graduating college, I was accepted into a seminary in Chicago where I earned a Master of Divinity degree. In my final year of studies, I joined the pastoral staff team of a mega-church – at the time, the largest in North America. The sprawling church campus covered 155 acres and attracted 26,000 people to its weekend worship services. My three-year experience at this church is what formed my thinking about ministry and fueled my ambitions to change the world.With the blessing of this church, I set out on my own. I started a church in Nashville, Tennessee where I was the Senior Pastor for seven years. We began as a group of five people in a front room and grew to fill a movie theater where we gathered for worship services each Sunday morning. We especially attracted singles and young families with our hip music, practical teaching, social events, outreach mindset, and an overall renegade style to doing church.In 2004 I had a crisis of faith. Things weren't adding up. Despite the appearances of success, we were having serious problems within the church. My weekly teaching of upstanding biblical theology did little to stave off issues in our congregation such as depression, addiction, domestic violence, divorce, and suicide. In a moment of brutal honesty, I admitted to myself that my pastoral persona did not line up with my internal brokenness, disharmony, and suffering. One day I realized that some of the theology I signed up to represent, I could not in good conscious believe or teach anymore. Shortly thereafter I resigned as senior pastor, left professional Christian ministry, and began searching for answers. I created a blog where I began sharing the challenges and struggles of questioning my faith and leaving my professional ministry calling and career. What I shared touched a nerve with many others who were also in the throes of their own crisis of faith. Upon the encouragement of a friend who worked at a major publishing house, I started writing about my journey out of religion. I have published five books to date, spanning nine years.Over the course of those years and books, my beliefs evolved considerably as I left behind most of the central doctrines of orthodox Christianity. I made a good faith effort to salvage what I believed to be the most useful ideas of the Christian religion, and even argued for the significance and relevance of Jesus regardless of one’s religious or non-religious beliefs. It wasn’t always smooth sailing. My books were becoming increasingly controversial to the Christian establishment, and ties were cut with my publishing house when the contents of my third book led to the charge of heresy.Meanwhile, my Inbox was blowing up with emails from people who were sharing their stories of being deeply damaged and feeling betrayed by their involvement in religion. I addressed these issues in my later books, began working individually with people in recovering from harmful religious beliefs and practices, and created a course and other online tools to assist those in addressing the damage of toxic religious indoctrination and spiritual abuse. In recent years, the mental health field has invested more time and energy in understanding the psychological damage caused by some forms of religion. Religious Trauma Syndrome (RTS) is the clinical terms used to identify the chronic abuses of harmful religion and the impact of severing one's connection with their faith and faith community.The desire to be a change-agent and make a difference in the world did not die off after abandoning religion, it just took different forms. For a season of my life, after leaving professional ministry, I served as the Executive Director of a non-profit social work agency in my city, and later as the U.S. Director of Education for an international human rights organization.I wasn’t quite sure what to do with religion – write it off entirely or take on the role of a reformer. Ultimately, I decided that the interfaith movement was a strategic investment of my time and energy. There’s no debate that people of different faiths, getting along peacefully and working together for a common good is a monumental victory for humankind. I created a five-point manifesto, outlining the basis for interfaith unity and action, and shared it with imams, rabbis, priests, pastors, ministers and monks throughout my city.Our common humanity is reason enough for all people to coexist peacefully, and operate with justice, equity, and compassion in our human relations. I believe in a Homo sapiens solidarity where all humans cooperate and collaborate to reduce suffering and increase flourishing. In my view, whatever your religious, spiritual, secular or philosophical beliefs are, you are responsible for thoughtfully scrutinizing them and dismissing what doesn't promote a common good. Even as a staunch critic of harmful religious beliefs and practices, I can find something enriching and meaningful within every religious and spiritual tradition. But in my personal spiritual journey, I was finding more affinity with non-religious philosophies of life such as transcendentalism, stoicism and humanism.I particularly found the philosophy of humanism appealing. Humanism asserts human responsibility for solving our problems, shaping our destiny, forging lives of meaning, virtue and wellbeing, and building a world of less suffering and more flourishing. Not just that we are responsible, but that we are up to the task based solely upon the merits of being human, making belief in deities or the supernatural unnecessary.In time I became certified as a Humanist Chaplain through The Humanist Society and started a chapter of the American Humanist Association in Nashville TN. This increasingly brought me into contact with a variety of secular, humanist and atheist organizations and initiatives. The more involved I became, the more I noticed a disconnect between the secular movement and ordinary everyday people.Though I believed in the fundamental principles of humanism in theory, what I observed among those who identified themselves as humanists and other non-religious philosophies, was troubling. Some of them were combative and caustic against all religion and seemed to enjoy attacking, belittling and slandering all people of faith. It was also clear that the secular community was highly political and expected all non-religious people to adopt and advance a political ideology and agenda. I recorded and posted a series of videos on YouTube, sharing my concerns about the modern secular movement.I learned from my experiences that both religion and non-religion were equally disappointing and failed people in their quest to lead meaningful, whole and fulfilled lives. Whether you are a zealous believer or devout atheist, you’re just as likely to be living a malcontent life.Why?People don’t realize they are making God and religion the reference point of their lives, whether they are for it or against it. The Christian and the Atheist suffer from the same problem. They both put supreme importance on God and religion, the former as a proponent and the latter as an opponent. Either way, their identity and fundamental philosophy of life is based on their view of God and religion.Being zealously for or against religion can be rewarding, especially if you fashion a professional career, public persona or income stream out of it. People who are public figures because of their stance for or against religion have large followings, and cash-in with books, speaking events, organizational positions and social clout. I’m not pointing the figure. For many years my vocation and income stemmed from being a professional minster. Upon leaving religion, the books I’ve written about my journey as well as my professional work, helping people recover from the damage of harmful religion has made me a public figure and generated a modest stream of income.But in the last couple years some significant shifts have occurred inside me. I don’t claim a side in being for or against God and religion. I affirm what I see as good in religious faith or belief in God, and I speak out against the misuse of religion and the ways some forms of religion damage and poison people. I continue to offer various resources to those who are suffering the effects of Religious Trauma Syndrome and are in the process of disentangling themselves from toxic doctrines.In my personal journey, I have pivoted away from religion to a different reference point for my life. I am no longer interested in investing my time and energy in making a case or perpetuating a persona either for or against God and religion. The last few years I have grown more indifferent toward the grand theological and existential questions about matters such as the origins of the universe, the meaning of existence, if there’s a God, and the afterlife.Instead, the direction, inspiration and focus in my life was seized by one simple question: Am I living life well?On the surface, it seems like a rather mundane and humdrum question. Compared to the ultimate questions about the universe, existence, God, death, and immortality, the matter of “living life well” appeared peripheral and inconsequential. But the more I drilled into the layers of this question, the more I was convinced that this is the most significant question a person can ever ask.My upcoming book is meant to catapult that question into our collective consciousness as human beings. It’s the question I believe every person must stop and deeply consider, the implications of which are far more consequential than debating theological or existential questions for which there are no conclusive answers.Am I living life well? When properly understood, it’s a question that I believe can transform the world if each of us individually and all of us collectively devote ourselves to answering. The contribution I am now compelled to make is to lay this question before our human species.

How to write yourself into a better life

What if you could write yourself into your best life? I have written six books and the process of writing each of them has been transformative and life-changing. But you don't have to be an author to benefit from the cathartic and metamorphic power of writing. This is why I created the Use Your Words Workshop. Any person can harness the craft of writing as a catalyst for a breakthrough, personal growth, and development. Introspective writing Creative writing (fiction) Op-ed writing (non-fiction) Memoir writing Private letters writingThese are the five kinds of writing we explore as a catalyst for personal growth and development in my new Use Your Words workshop.The 5-week journey will explore a different type of writing each week. You don't have to be a writer to participate; the workshop focus is exploring the depths and layers of your life through the act of writing.I have poured myself into the development of this new workshop, and I hope people enjoy participating in it as much as I did while creating it. There is a limited number of spots available because I will be giving individual attention to each participant's workshop assignments. The workshop begins in June. Registration is based on a first come first serve basis. When the workshop is full, it will be closed for registration. You can learn the details and register by visiting THIS LINK

28 Signs of Personal Metamorphosis

I have discovered the following 28 signs of personal metamorphosis. Any one of these is a pathway toward actualizing the fullness of who you are as a human being and realizing the fullest possibilities for your life. 1. Dissatisfaction with the way it's "supposed to be" 2. Intolerance of inauthenticity 3. Casting off of rules, regulations, and restrictions 4. Resurgence of individuality 5. Openness to new possibilities 6. Desire to grow, learn, and expand 7. Freedom of self-expression 8. Establishment of personal boundaries 9. Reshaping of one's relational world 10. Greater acceptance and compassion for others 11. Deprogramming of false beliefs and mindsets 12. Grounded in one's own inner truth and guidance 13. Refusal to conform 14. Disdain for superficiality 15. Greater capacity for both sorrow and joy 16. Unwillingness to accept injustice and oppression 17. Deeper connection to nature and all living things 18. Inhabiting the fullness of one's humanity 19. Disinterest in creating or participating in drama 20. Greater ability for complex reasoning 21. Taking responsibility for one's own happiness and well-being 22. Commitment to doing one's personal inner work 23. Nurturing mutually beneficial and healthy relationships 24. Looking upon oneself with greater acceptance and compassion 25. Incorporating daily practices of self-care 26. Seeing deeper than a person's label, ism or stereotype to the deeper realities that unite us all as one human family 27. Moved to alleviate human suffering 28. Compelled to advance human flourishing

10 writing lessons (from writing my new book)

I've been in the process of writing my new book. The first draft is complete. Each book I have written has been a transformative experience, and this one is no different. In addition to my own writing, I also coach other writers who creating and publishing books. Here are 11 writing lessons I've learned over the course of writing my current book:1. Completing the first draft of a book is a major accomplishment and the world is filled with people who never get that far, but a book is truly made in the subsequent revision drafts. It's necessary for a manuscript to go through multiple rewrites based on the scrutiny of each word and sentence. This is where the magic (hard work) happens. 2. While it's true in most cases that any sentence will be better and stronger if it was shortened, the point is not the number of words. What's important is that a sentence employ only those words it needs - nothing more or less. 3. One good, pointed, perfectly-suited adjective is better than a pile of them trying to cover your bases. 4. Every writer has unhelpful habits of writing that they cannot see for themselves. 5. Writing when you are mentally or physically tired will cause you to settle for words and constructions that you shouldn't; it's best to take a break and come back to it with a fresh mind and rested body. 6. It's best to print your manuscript and read it page-by-page, which gives you a feel for it that you can't get on a screen. 7. When writing I use a thesaurus constantly. However, I also find it fruitful to examine the actual definitions of words and even their etymology, which aids in determining the best word or phrases to use to express my thoughts. 8. You're always taking some risk when specifically mentioning movies, books, or notable people because not everyone may know those you mention or have negative feelings about them. Keep this in mind when you weigh your options. 9. Just because words exist doesn't mean you have to use them. Generally, keeping it simple is a good rule of thumb. Just because you CAN use "sangfroid" or "pulchritudinous" doesn't mean you SHOULD. 10. There's a cat and mouse game to finding the right words, achieving the optimal grammar construction, and writing your best. It is both rewarding and maddening. A writer has to be willing to accept this cat and mouse game, and perhaps even love it. 11. I have spent all day in the revision process of my first draft manuscript. Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: I have rebuked many writers for their transgressions of lazy and cluttered writing - of whom I am the worst of sinners.

What does purpose look like outside of religion?

“Hi Jim, Can I ask you a question? I was wondering if you've ever tackled the subject of purpose. I get confused - is living a life of so-called significance a product of my religious conditioning? Why do I feel driven to "make a difference" in this world, but in the end find that I can make very little difference - I can only change myself really. So is this conditioning - the need to help others or to be of service in order to feel like I matter? What does purpose look like outside the walls of religion?”Thanks for your question.First let me say that there is much more that could be said about your question than I could answer in one blog post. This issue of negotiating one's mindset about "purpose" as part of the shedding religion process is something I often address with people in my spiritual direction practice. It's also a matter I deal with in my online Life After Religion Course.Okay, let me map out some concepts here. Hang with me.Depending on your background, your question relates to three notions that are common in Christianity: (1) God’s will; (2) God’s plan; (3) God purpose. All three of these have a macro and micro version. The macro version is that God is engineering his divine will, plan and purpose for all things – directing and guiding the saga of human history according to his intentions. The micro version is that God has a specific will, plan and purpose for each individual’s life. This is why you find many people who pray to know “God’s will” for their lives, or take comfort in the idea that whatever befalls them in life is “part of God’s plan,” or seek to discover their God-given purpose or fulfill “God’s Calling” for their life. People also fear missing God’s will, plan, purpose and calling for their lives, and can have great angst about it.Keep in mind that the above notions are common of Monotheism such as Christianity – the belief in the existence of one God who created the world, is all powerful, intervenes in the world, and is achieving a grand plan. But even within this framework, there is more than one way to work out the idea of life’s purpose. In my second book, Wide Open Spaces, I wrote a chapter entitled, Spiritual Living: Do We Need a Purpose in Life to Live. In that chapter I wrote:“My drive for determining a purpose in life was much ado about nothing… Purpose is not something you have – a specific skill, gift, interest, passion, endeavor, vocation, volunteer involvement, or grand achievement. Instead, your existence is one unifying purpose, and every facet of your life is part of it. That unifying purpose is this: knowing God… God’s purpose is not fulfilled by doing a lot of religious things you may or may not want to do. The things you love doing, what you are most passionate about, are the most significant avenues through which God wants to be known… My next email or phone call, the next person I encounter, the next place I go, the next set of circumstances in my life, what I see outside my living room window or rearview mirror, the next words spoken, the next song on my playlist… are all part of my life purpose of knowing God.”There are other belief-systems about God in which the notion of purpose would be seen differently. Take Deism for example. Deism is a religious belief holding that God created the universe and established rationally comprehensible moral and natural laws but does not intervene in human affairs through miracles or supernatural revelation.In his book The Age of Reason, Thomas Paine proposes a new religion/philosophy called Deism. In Deism he argued God could become known through reason, science and nature. There would be no need for faith or blind belief in revelatory religions. God could be known to the individual without the need for priests or prophets simply through the application of the individual's own reason and intelligence and the study of science and nature. Given this premise, by studying science and nature one might conclude that the purpose of life is to evolve.Thinking as a Deist, evolution is Darwin’s great gift to theology. An evolutionary worldview sees the purpose of everything and everyone as part of the grand narrative of an evolving universe. The enticing elements of this view are: it’s a creation story not yet over; a planetary perspective that could be embraced by diverse cultures and open to multiple interpretations; it marries science and religion; it’s a perspective that could be embraced from any religious, spiritual or philosophical tradition. In terms of one’s “purpose” in life in this Deist framework, consider the possibility that each of us individually and collectively at every level consciously participate and influence the evolutionary trajectory of our universe. This evolution encompasses our own individual personal growth. Abraham Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs identifies “self-actualization” as the highest need and desire of the human being – to realize one’s fullest potential or to actualize oneself as fully as possible. A Deist point of view is that our purpose individually and collectively is to evolve, and we can consciously participate in this process. In your question, you wrote, “Why do I feel driven to "make a difference” in this world?” You put “make a difference” in quotes, which seems to imply that making a difference was some sort of burden or expectation placed on you through religion – you SHOULD make a difference in the world, you’re SUPPOSED to DO something GREAT, the significance of your life is measured by the impact you have. In my view, that entire mindset is problematic, and I understand why you would want to disentangle yourself from it. So let’s simplify this.A couple questions I would ask you is: Do you genuinely WANT to make a difference in the world? If the answer is yes, the next question is: How do you want to make a difference in the world? In other words: In what specific way are you compelled to serve humankind, meet a need, alleviate hardship and suffering, address systemic injustice and oppression, and build a world that works for everyone? Whatever you come up with, do your investigation and homework, connect with like-minded people, and determine the best way for you to get involved and make your contribution.People every day who hold no belief in God are actively engaged in doing this. Why? Because it’s a natural human thing to do. Caring about the plight of human beings and all living things is an integral aspect of what it means to be human. We don’t need God or guilt to prod us; these are natural impulses of our humanity.The problem, however, is that religion made “making a difference” a burden to carry, and equated your worth, value and significance with what kind of “difference” you made. That’s the part you need to let go of. This is why you are so concerned with the outcomes of your efforts. You have observed that the best you can do seems imperceptible in the bigger scheme of things. So why try? Despite all your effort, it seems to not to add up to much.Margaret Meade wrote, “A small group of thoughtful people could change the world. Indeed, it’s the only thing that ever has.” Mother Theresa said, “Never worry about numbers. Help one person at a time and always start with the person nearest you. If I look at the mass, I will never act. If I look at the one, I will.” Gandhi said, “It's the action, not the fruit of the action, that's important.” He also said, “In a gentle way you can shake the world.” This is the part of my answer trying to refute your idea that what you do doesn’t really matter. In my view, anything and everything any individual does, matters, including your own personal growth and transformation. Every time a person turns away from just one false belief, mindset or mentality, it makes a difference in concentric circles in the world.Every day there are countless people who feel they are not making a difference. They wake up with this burden and go looking for something to do or achieve to feel significant. People will go to great lengths to alleviate this burden. But consider this. Humankind is interconnected and interrelated in the same way as the cells of our human body. The cell is the basic structural and functional unit of all known living organisms. It is the smallest unit of life that is classified as a living thing, and is the building block of life. Humans contain about 100 trillion cells, but the condition of one individual cell has an effect on the wellness of the whole body. So it is with the body of humanity. Each of us are individual cells – 7 billion of them. The healing of the body of humanity can only occur in the measure of its single cells healing themselves. Each time a human being changes his or her mind from false perception to true perception, the effect on humanity is immeasurable. The effect of one individual releasing fear, the cause of all spiritual disease in the body of humanity, is beyond measure. The impact of one person being liberated from the illusion of separation is incalculable. By healing ourselves, we heal the world. If only we knew what absolutely extraordinary healing power we have as single individuals, we would not hesitate one second in wanting to transform our ways from fear to love, and the healing of one’s own separation.We feel we are not making a difference in the world and then we run out the door, expending tremendous energy doing nothing more than addressing symptoms, and applying band-aids. We are also very good at pointing the finger and blaming others for the problems and conditions of our world. Look no further than yourself. Nothing will change in our world until we address the root problem. More specifically and importantly, nothing will change until you address the root problem within yourself. Do you want to change the world? Change yourself. Do your personal work. Address the root cause of suffering within yourself – there is no greater difference that one can make than this. Humanity is aching, needing your cooperation. When you awaken, the energy and reality of your awakening reverberates through all humankind like the concentric circles of a pebble tossed in a pond. That doesn't mean we don't take action in the world. I have written quite a bit about spirituality and social revolution. But we tend to want peace and harmony in the world but refuse to have them within ourselves. We are very aware of where peace and harmony are breaking down out there, but often unaware or dispassionate about the absence of peace and harmony within ourselves. We are embroiled in all kinds of thoughts, concerns and actions to solve the disharmony and suffering we see in the world, but leave our own disharmony and suffering unattended. We have failed to recognize the connection between our own disharmony and the disharmony that plays our everyday before our eyes. We want to remove the speck of discord and distress in the circumstances that surround us, but we are content to accept the log of discord and distress within ourselves. We want to make it about them and not about us, and fail to realize that there will be no peace and harmony in the world unless or until it is within us. How can there be a world of peace and harmony if that world is not real within ourselves? To summarize my answer: Religion burdened you with the idea that you should make a difference in the world, and that the significance of your life is measured by how big a difference you actually make. Forget this idea. Along with that idea, get rid of the notion that whatever you do doesn’t really make any difference. That’s not true either. You are a human being. Being human means caring. You get to decide what caring means for you. Whatever it means, do that and forget about the scope or size of your impact.

The truth and lies about personal transformation

People are led to believe many false things about personal transformation. I want to address a few of them in this post:False Idea #1: Transformation in a one-time experienceI remember back in the day, being asked to write out my “personal testimony.” The three parts of a good testimony were: (1) How messed up you were before meeting Christ and getting saved; (2) Your getting-saved/ come-to-Jesus experience; (3) How your life miraculously changed with Jesus now in my life.This idea of transformation can be detrimental. Rather than fully engaging a process of personal growth and doing the personal work involved, we become passive, waiting for the next big God-experience or encounter to miraculously change, transform, fix, or heal us. Transformation is not something that happens ‘to’ you or someone (including God) does ‘to’ you. If you’re waiting for transformation to happen in your life, you’re going to be waiting a loooong time.Your active, ongoing, and evolving relationship with yourself, others and life is all part of personal transformation. Even breakthrough moments of transformation are preceded by all kinds of factors that made such a moment possible. People sometimes feel shame (what’s wrong with me) because they have not had one of those God-miraculously-changed/healed-me experiences. People pray day after day that God will change, transform, fix or heal them, and feel betrayed that it doesn’t happen.Even the scriptures say we already have everything we need for life and wholeness. But it’s a journey to discover, access and re-condition ourselves according to the truth of we are and what we have. People wish God would just zap them and be done with it. Not gonna happen! The reality is that personal growth and true transformation isn’t for the faint of heart, which is why everyone isn’t doing it.The personal work of transformation is messy. It will take you to places you’ve spent your whole life running from, ask you to let go of those things you have held onto for comfort and security, confront you in areas that feel too much to bear, require you to do the very thing you know you cannot do, and drive you to the very end of yourself where you must face your fears, and be vulnerable.Transformation is not a linear process – a line of growth and maturation steadily going up. It’s one step forward, two steps back. It doesn’t happen all at once… it happens in bits and pieces and stages over time. For every one breakthrough, there are five breakdowns. Transformation is not something that happens at a point in time. Transformation is happening all the time, and sometimes we don’t even recognize it. I’m not even sure it’s advisable to make transformation a goal as if it is something to achieve. Life is inherently a transformative process – it’s like a dance. You just have to keep dancing.False Idea #2: Transformation is overcoming, improving, fixing or transcending your humanity.Shame corrodes the very part of us that believes we are capable of change. Too often the underlying premise of religion is that human beings are inherently bad, born “sinners,” and repulsive to and deserving of God’s wrath because of our natural state of being. It may not be articulated quite this way but for all intents and purposes the so-called “Gospel” of Christianity-gone-astray demands people to essentially say, “God, please forgive me for being me.” I don’t get why these people don’t consider that we were created in the image of God. Factoring that in, the request would more accurately be, “God, please forgive me for being the me that you made me to be.” Huh???Religion insists that at the core we are bad – that something is inherently wrong with us that needs to be fixed and overcome. Well, actually, it doesn’t even say it can even be fixed, just forgiven. This message gets pounded in our head continuously, and it erodes that part of us, which Brené Brown pointed out, we need intact to be capable of growth. Religion sabotages our relationship with ourselves, eliminating the possibility of ever taking on the fullness of who God created us to be.Part of this view includes a faulty understanding of something that religion enjoys focusing on, “sin.” Contrary to what many of us have been told, sin is falling short of experiencing the love, peace, freedom, wholeness, and well-being that God desires for every person. Sin is an orientation toward illusion and falsity – it’s a diminishment of our true identity as good and beautiful children of God. Each person is shadowed to some degree by a false self, and when we give expression to that false self we sow seeds of disharmony in our world. God’s love and acceptance of each of us does not fluctuate based on where we are on the journey or in the process of becoming who we really are. Transformation is not behavior modification but a fundamental and profound shift in knowing who we are. Spiritual battle is the conflict between the false and true self.It has always seemed curious to me the double-standard for a religious leader to say essentially, “You are human, which means you are a sinner, which means you cannot trust yourself. So instead, trust me and what I tell you.”Too often religion cuts us off at the knees by telling us all the things that we can’t do or not capable of… because we are flawed, defective, broken, inadequate, and worse.Transformation isn’t about depending on a higher power outside of you, it’s about accessing the divine resources inside of you.Transformation isn’t about seeking forgiveness for who and what you are, it’s about bringing full-expression to who and what you are.Transformation is not about overcoming yourself, it’s about shedding the story that diminishes your worth, and writing a new one that honors it.Transformation is not an apology for yourself, it’s staking claim to yourself.Why is it that we want to demonize our humanity when Jesus came to demonstrate the power and beauty of it? The problem isn’t that we are too human; it’s that we are not human enough.Falsehood #3: Be leery and protect yourself from outside influences Isaac Newton stated, in his first law of motion, that: “An object in motion tends to stay in motion with the same speed and in the same direction unless acted upon by an unbalanced force.” I think this law of motion applies to our personal and spiritual growth and evolution.Religion can sometimes be a hindrance to our growth journey by creating a separatist mentality among its members. When we become entrenched in a particular sub-culture we cut ourselves off from connection and relationship with others outside that sub-culture, which significantly limits who and what is contributing to our journey of growth and transformation. In other words, the “us” and “them” mentality is just as detrimental to “us” as “them” – it’s a “lose, lose” scenario that stunts our growth.Thinking of Newton’s first law of motion, when we are locked away in our religious sub-culture, there is little or no “unbalanced force” present. This can easily create an environment of “groupthink,” which is the psychological phenomenon that occurs within a group of people, in which the desire for harmony or conformity results in a minimization of conflict and an absence of critical evaluation of alternative ideas or viewpoints. Rather than critically evaluating information, the group members begin to form quick opinions that match the group consensus. Groupthink seems to occur most often when a respected or persuasive leader is present, inspiring members to agree with his or her opinion.I have an Inbox filled with emails from people who share they never felt church was a place they could be honest about their questions and doubts, and instead were sometimes demonized as a result of respectfully questioning the prevalent view. People who express differences of opinion or who want to probe and explore beyond the status quo are often viewed as a threat in their religious sub-culture.Contrary to popular belief, just like you don’t become a Big Mac by walking into a McDonald’s, a person isn’t going to become an Atheist, Buddhist, or whatever because they have a friend who is or because they want to explore and increase their understanding of views and beliefs that are different from their religious sub-culture. Sometimes it feels like religious leaders don’t give people much credit or trust to think for themselves.I have good friends who are Atheists, Buddhists, Wiccans, Catholics and about everything else under the sun, and my friendships with them have contributed much to my own growth journey. I have learned that EVERY human being knows something that I need to know.The only way to keep groupthink going is through fear and ignorance – fear of diverging from the prevailing view, and a mischaracterization of other views and beliefs, which is nothing more than ignorance. But sadly, it works on too many people.There’s much more to say about this than I have time for right now, and so I’ll have to come back to it later.Many people who are on the front end of shedding religion will sometimes be deterred by fear tactics often used to scare people from continuing on their path. A question I often get is how to dethrone the religious voices in your head that judge, shame, condemn, manipulate, induce fear, and seek to control you.On your new-found path to freedom, here are 3 things you may hear from religious leaders to scare and control you:“Self-realization is idolatry; you’re supposed to be worshiping God and not yourself.”The truth is that self-realization is why you are here, and every step in your personal evolution brings glory to God. The image, likeness, and being of God is the fundamental. underlying, and unchanging nature and essence of who you are. The point of your human existence is to discover this and bring full expression to it through your humanity or human personhood. This is what Jesus did and was, which is why he said, “I am the truth.” Self-actualization is the most spiritual and sacred endeavor of our human experience. The religious notion that your relationship with yourself and self-actualization is somehow a selfish pursuit and diversion from true godliness is a false notion that is not supported by Jesus or founded in the Bible.“You are deceived. You are following false ideas that sound hopeful and beautiful but they’re darkness masquerading as light.”You have to get straight in your head and heart that God and fear do not go together… ever. If you hear any religious teaching or idea and induces fear, dismiss it swiftly and entirely. God never stirs feelings of shame or fear to motivate people on the path of truth and freedom. The above condemnation is projection – you are actually exploring and embracing the truth. Meanwhile, the religious views that induce fear and shame are the teachings that are “darkness masquerading as light.” Come on; you’re smarter than that. Of course religious leaders who are intent on perpetuating the system aren’t going to take too kindly to people who challenge it. Freedom is a threat to people who would level the above condemnation. Just expect it. It might even get nasty.“The Bible clearly states that you’re beliefs are wrong, and you are in danger of God’s judgment.”Geesh! This one drives me crazy. Basically this erroneous view goes like this, “My interpretation of the Bible is the correct one… because I say so… so there!” There’s a saying that goes, “Just because it’s on the Internet, doesn’t mean it’s true.” Well guess what? Just because some religious leader tells you that the Bible means something, doesn’t mean that’s what it means. Just a cursory study of the history of Christianity shows a diversity of views on the most fundamental matters of the Christian faith. The notion that there is one “orthodox” view of Christianity that has persisted through time (and is therefore correct) is simply not true. Stop externalizing authority and repair your relationship with yourself. You already know the truth inside, and you don’t need anyone to tell you.(Photo by Darla Winn)

Connecting spirituality and social revolution

Social justice has been a significant part of my journey. Years ago it’s what led me to take the helm of an NGO that works with juvenile delinquency, structural injustice, impoverished communities and at-risk families. For a season I traveled abroad with a human rights agency in Washington, D.C., working cases of forced child prostitution, human trafficking, and child slave labor. I was heavily involved in Occupy Nashville, and led an Occupy Religion effort that worked to unify different religious and spiritual groups together as advocates and support systems for those in crisis and need in our communities. In the process I got a very close look at our citywide mental health systems and services, which are grossly inadequate and negligent.At the same time, I have also been very drawn to the exploration of the inner life. At first this took me down the path of religion. But ultimately I shed this part of me to seek more expansive spiritual vistas beyond the mindsets and mentalities of religion. Over the years I have paid several visits to the nearby Abbey of Gethsemani (Thomas Merton monastery) to send extended periods of time in quiet and solitude. I am more in-tune these days with a higher spiritual presence or awareness within me, which is a source of deep joy, peace, freedom, harmony, homecoming and well-being. The last few years my inner work has involved turning away from the false religious and worldly beliefs, mindsets, narratives and ideologies that were programmed into my head, and switching to a different source and authority within myself. I have found it to be as simple, effortless and natural as a child at play, but difficult to the extent that this natural place has been greatly assaulted and driven out of us.The term “inner anarchy” truly fits where I am now. That higher spiritual dimension of my inner life fuels my passion to eradicate the systems, structures, powers and hierarchies of our world that operate upon those false and oppressive mindsets, narratives and ideologies. In its place I want to birth a new reality with others that is an expression of that world of love, harmony, oneness and abundance that is within us.There is a lot of chatter these days of elaborate spiritual systems, beliefs, concepts and explanations. It lacks credibility in my mind if there is not an outward expression and manifestation of it in terms of active engagement in our world and the affairs of humankind. Otherwise, it starts to feel like Starbucks spirituality - a class-privilege “spirituality” where people sit around all comfy drinking their gourmet coffee and pontificating all their nice-sounding spiritual platitudes and formulas, but never taking any direct action. Inner anarchy is turning away from the false beliefs, mindsets, narratives and ideologies that have been programmed into our heads, and turning toward, listening, following, speaking and acting from our higher spiritual awareness. Authentic spirituality cannot tolerate those systems and structures in our world that violate the truth of our higher awareness, and perpetuate greed, injustice, oppression, division, fear and scarcity. Jesus lived inner anarchy. For Jesus, following the spirit meant confronting, challenging, subverting and undermining the religious and worldly hierarchies of dominance, control, injustice and oppression. If Jesus came back today, I’m not sure what would anger him more – the lies of false religion, or the bankruptcy of Starbucks spirituality. This doesn’t have anything to do with one’s personality (introvert vs extrovert) or the “inner” work needing to come before the outward expression. The two should have never been divided, as if they are two different and unrelated things. There is no “process” of spiritual growth that doesn’t involve both… simultaneously… always. This doesn’t mean that one has to run out into the world and single-handedly achieve some great victory or epic change. What it does mean is that we take direct action where we are as an expression of our higher awareness. We do not idly stand by or turn a blind eye to the false mindsets, beliefs, narratives and ideologies at work in our world that cause of human division, injustice, oppression and suffering. We confront, challenge, subvert, and undermine those beliefs, mindsets, narratives and ideologies, and the systems and structures that perpetuate them. In there place, we lift up the alternative. We build and create new ways of operating in the world based on what we know is real and true in our innermost being. This is going to require some real thinking, effort, and self-organization on our part. Thinking is not the antithesis of spirituality. Action is not the antithesis of spirituality. Effort is not the antithesis of spirituality. Self-organization is not the antithesis of spirituality. Confronting, challenging, subverting, and undermining the status quo is not the antithesis of spirituality. Authentic spirituality is not rainbows, ponies, and nice-sounding spirtiualese, or elaborate/heady and ego-gratifying pontifications. Of course, there is a deep and abiding reflective, contemplative, and inward aspect of our spiritual lives. But authentic spirituality is also powerful, authoritative, robust, vigorous, scrappy, and gritty. I hear people say how revolution has to happen inside a person first. But too often one’s own individual change and revolution never moves beyond me, myself and I. Authentic spirituality involves both inner transformation and skillful participation in the transformation of society.