Jim Palmer's Blog, page 80

The journey of UNlearning

“And then one day, like Forrest Gump abruptly being done with running, I was suddenly done deconstructing my Christianity. DONE! I just fell dead to it. If I had to have one more theological discussion I was going to either commit a violent crime, start smoking, or become a Six Feet Under fan.

I didn’t care anymore. I knew I was supposed to care…I still didn’t. These were the really big, important litmus-test God questions that you should have the right answers for. I still didn’t care!

Something shifted inside of me. The best way I know to explain it is to say that I didn’t need to have answers anymore. It wasn’t necessary for me to arrive at some defined set of concrete and conclusive beliefs about God in order to keep living life or even be at peace or content inside. The big theological questions became increasingly irrelevant and felt more like a distraction. I was more interested in ground truth―the stuff you need to know on location in your life in order to navigate the twists and turns of daily human existence.”

- Jim Palmer, Notes From (over) The Edge

*

“Previously, my old way of thinking was always pushing to control, regulate, contain, protect, tame and systematize spiritual realities. God was defined by a creed, Church was squeezed into a 501c3, and unconditional love…well…had conditions. I talked a lot about “becoming like Christ” and asked “What would Jesus do?” but it never occurred to me back then that the answer might involve an entirely different way of thinking and living that would necessitate breaking from with my religious tradition, even if it was “Christian” one.”

- Jim Palmer, (explorefaith.org interview)

*

“As my spiritual journey continued I expended tremendous effort trying to fit my experience of God into the language, concepts, and practices of my previous religious life. It just wouldn’t fit anymore. Jesus himself warned, “You can’t pour new wine into old wineskins.” This is but one of many Jesus sayings that I previously managed to gloss over.”

- Jim Palmer, Wide Open Spaces: Beyond Paint-by-Number Christianity

*

“One of the big questions I came to on the journey was whose interpretation of scripture is right and who’s to say? This question never really occurred to me during my 25-year odyssey through evangelicalism. Back then, there was no other interpretation. It was understood that there was only one interpretation―the right one, which was ours. Outside of my particular Christian sub-culture, I discovered many different views and interpretations of the Bible, stretching all the way back to the earliest days of Christianity.

In Wide Open Spaces I wrote about discovering for myself a reliable way to discern and determine truth. Jesus taught that the distinguishing characteristic of truth is that it brings freedom. I found this thing deep inside my gut that would tell me so. You’ve heard the phrase of how something can have “a ring of truth to it.” What part of you detects or experiences that “ring?”

I dubbed it as my “freedom filter.” Here’s how it worked for me. Whenever I was presented with an opinion or view of interpretation about God, my “freedom filter” would test it by asking, “Will this lead to freedom?” If the answer was “yes,” I went with it. If the answer was “no,” I didn’t.”

- Jim Palmer, Notes From (over) The Edge

Dear Jim (letters from the frontlines of shedding religion)

I’ve collected a few things people are sharing with me about their journey of shedding religion:

“Overall, I have to say that I lost my individuality through my experience with organized religion…. I felt “forced” to fit in, to fit some type of mold or shape or way to be. I joined group after group looking for acceptance… I changed my appearance, my language, even some of the things I enjoyed I gave up in order to fit in. I lost me in the process, the real me. That has damaged me more than anything. Now I’m trying to find the real me.”

*

“I was and Evangelical for 27 years of my life. What I got most out of church was: read and pray every morning, go to church every Sunday and Wednesday, tithe (one church wanted a tithe of my student loans), be republican, it’s okay to joke about gays, liberals, and Muslims, Harry Potter is bad, but magic in Narnia is good, alcohol is bad, sex is bad, woman are inferior to men, the bible is just doctrine and theology, etc.”

*

“I learned intolerance at church. Church insisted that only THIS church has the right answers, and that any other church, even another Christian church, is to be avoided because they don’t have the whole Truth. Church taught me to be prejudiced. I learned at church that women are lesser beings than men, that only men were capable of teaching, leading or making important decisions. At church, I learned that God loves me less because I’m female. Organized Christianity insisted that I am a filthy, stinking, horrible, sinful person deserving of Hell. I’m less than worthless, and knowing so is a godly attribute. Church taught me to despise myself and be afraid of God. In church, I learned that a grand performance as the ultimate Christian is preferable to an honest confession of failure, and that the honest, broken people are shunned, gossiped of, and never forgiven.”

*

“Through a lot of thinking and reflection I have come to realize that the times I felt closest to God were not through all by business and conscious effort on my part but just the opposite. It was in the quiet still moments. It was while driving in my car or standing in line at at the check out counter. It was while staring at tree and seeing its branches move by an unseen force. It is in the quiet enjoyable moments and sometimes even in the daily mundane moments that I find myself growing closer and more aware of God. There is no magic formula to use or class to take. All I need to do is be open to Him and be His Love wherever I am.”

*

“For me, religious detox has involve a LONG, drawn out, painful, excruciating, lonely, heartbreaking, freeing, exhilarating, sometimes mind boggling, angry, happy, sad time in my life. It is confusing at times, totally clear at times. I mostly think I’m losing my mind. Unlearning everything I “learned” in the last ten years.”

*

When I really became honest with myself, I realized that my involvement with organized religion comprised of two main things – trying to figure out what the rules to be accepted were, and trying in futility to obey these rules. As much as I heard the popular rhetoric, “it’s about relationship, not rules” I realized that this was, for the most part, just talk. It was about rules, always was, always will be. This is the crux of religion. Yeah, on the surface, it did not seem this way. The last organized church I was part of regularly had a very casual and dress down style. It was not uncommon to see people coming to church in shorts and flip flops on the Saturday evening service that I attended, and the praise team usually incorporated secular songs that could have a spiritual interpretation into their routine. But after I got really involved in the church, I realized that there were some who were more acceptable than others….The straw that broke the camel’s back for me, however, came when I opened up to an influential church member about some personal struggles in my life…I have struggled with an addiction to porn for some time now and I know it is wrong. I have done everything in my power to rid myself of this addiction from prayer to Bible study, group sessions therapy, support groups, and even demon deliverance services. But I was given the added implication by this influential church member that I struggled because I was not dedicated enough to God, not persistent enough, not faithful enough.”

*

“I was taught that this God who loved me demanded perfection and nothing short of perfection could please him. Since I could not be perfect, he would accept Jesus’ perfection in my place. Since I deserved to be killed and then eternally tortured, he’d take Jesus in my place for that, too. He could only bear to look upon me if he saw me wrapped up in Jesus’ bloody body. I get the image of a wolf literally wrapped in a sheep’s carcass when I think of those days.

Serving this type of perfectionist and schizophrenic God made me fearful, demanding and judgmental myself. I knew that even my love for him was a sham because how can you love a monster who creates a helpless, sinful creature then tortures it for being exactly what he created it to be? How can you love in “free will” someone who says “Love me or I’ll send you to hell for eternity.” How others around me could love this god made me feel inferior and evil. I knew that even though I had done the right things, said the prayer, gotten baptized, even spoke in tongues that I hadn’t really appeased him because I could never truly love him, only fear him.”

That is how I was most hurt by organized religion. Organized religion presented me with the picture of a schizophrenic, perfectionist, masochistic God and demanded that I love an unlovable tyrant.”

*

“Leaving the church and more recently, just giving up on the whole damn thing. I am now an open minded agnostic vs. a liberal minded Christ follower. I still think Love is the most important thing but I don’t know if God and Love are the same.”

*

“I just got tired of wearing the ‘Christian mask’. Sick of it, actually. I grew up in a conservative evangelical household where we read the Bible, went to church on Sunday and I attended the youth group. We were all expected to talk the same, pray the same, interpret scripture the same, and above all else, vote the same. It was more like we were members of some spiritually exclusive club. Yet I experienced deep loneliness. As my disconnect grew, I started to look outside organized religion and evangelical settings for some answers. I just wanted to be emotionally whole, but when I brought my issues up I was told to read more scripture. When my father found out I was looking for answers elsewhere, he told me I was going to Hell if I believed anything other than how I was raised (a nice conversation starter, huh?). Anyway, that was the day I left the institutional church and it became the first day of Freedom. I’ve never looked back. I don’t hold grudges against other Christians but my crap-detector goes off immediately when I meet anyone who’s wearing the ‘Christian mask’. I consider myself a follower of the teachings of Jesus and I strive to be like Him. The term ‘Christian’ carries too much baggage for me.”

*

“I’ve had many people question my “Christianity” over the past few years because my ideas don’t fit into their boxes. So to me, being a Christian has nothing to do with doctrines, even beliefs about Jesus himself. Whether or not somebody believes he was just a dude, was God, or didn’t even exist at all doesn’t matter to me. I’m more interested in following the recorded faith of Jesus, rather than the faith about Jesus.”

*

“Religious detox over all has been lonely as I am leaving much of my illusional security I collect over the past 30 plus years. I am developing my own personal life with Jesus and has little of the clichés and patterning that I so easily embraced. I kinda like it!!”

(Photo by Darla Winn)

On being off the grid of Christendom

When I went off the grid of organized Christianity, I went through this blackout period when I could not stomach hardly anything to do with God, Christianity, the Bible, prayer, etc… An interesting place to be for a former seminary grad and successful Senior Pastor. Didn’t go to church, didn’t converse about God or Christianity, didn’t pray, didn’t read my Bible, didn’t listen to “Christian music”… nothing! It was during this period when I, in many respects for the first time, became deeply connected to myself, others, the divine, and life, and became a new foundation for forging ahead, including my interests in Jesus.

*

There was a way that art opened me. It was the poets, painters, photographers, musicians, dancers, writers, tattooers, playwrights and performers who emboldened me to plummet the depths of my own soul, and travel the distance of my deepest feelings.

*

I found that most people don’t really want to know the truth. There are plenty of people who want to know the truth on their terms or require that the truth be contained within certain boundaries of comfort. But truth can never be known this way. You have to seek truth from a place of not knowing, and that can be a very threatening place because we think we already know the truth or we are afraid of what the truth might be.

*

I came to a decision. Whatever anyone said they believed, including myself, if it didn’t produce love, freedom and beauty, I didn’t want to have anything to do with it.

*

Jesus said “I am the truth,” which we mistakenly turned into some kind of a theological proposition about God, the gospel, eternal life, etc… Jesus confronted this mentality when he scolded the religious leaders for burying their heads in the scriptures while missing the truth that Jesus was, lived, and expressed. Jesus’ words “I am the truth” have so many layers of profound significance that many Christians never discover because they plug these words into some sort of formula for “being saved” or theological litmus test. We have pressed no further than the foot of Mt. Everest, when it comes to these words of Jesus, and speak as though we have reach the summit.

*

So much of religion seems to be about fear:

fear of going to hell;

fear of having bad theology;

fear of not satisfying your end of the bargain so God will favor you and bless you;

fear of others finding out how much you’re not really like the person you project and pretend to be;

fear of trusting your own inner guidance and fear of thinking for yourself;

fear of not upholding the expectations of your religious sub-culture;

fear of sexuality;

fear of people who are different;

fear of the world…

I spent over a year soaking in one verse of scripture, “God is love” and every one of those fears disintegrated. There is no fear in love, or so I learned.

What if in 2013 you became… YOU

You think you know yourself. But what if you are really only accessing 40%, 25%, 5% of who you are? What if there is an entire unknown and unexplored universe inside you… that is you? How can you be still and know God when you cannot be still and know yourself? The most sacred purpose of your life is being yourself! That’s God’s gift to you. That’s your gift to the world. What would life be like for you if you could access, and give expression to all of who you are? And what if you started to actually like this person… you, and discovered a whole new love-relationship with yourself? There are all kinds of things to unlearn and new possibilities to try on when it comes to the journey of being you. Starting in January, I want to facilitate a 6-week cohort group that enters into a dialogue and process that explores all of above. It would involve a weekly 60-minute individual call, and a dedicated group Facebook Page for ongoing interaction. If this would be worth $50 a week for you, send me an email and let me know. What if your New Year’s Resolution for 2013 was… the year you finally became… you!

If this is something that interests you, you can contact me on Facebook or my regular email: nobody.jimpalmer@gmail.com

Deliver me… from what they want me to be.

Deliver me… from what they want me to be.

Deliver me… from what they expect me to be.

Deliver me… from the script written in my head.

Deliver me… from the people-pleaser inside me.

Deliver me… from the fear of creating me.

Deliver me… from the fear of expressing me.

Deliver me… from the fear of being me.

- Jim Palmer

(Photo by thephotozoo / Flickr)

“Sometimes it’s easier to be in Chains.”

Jean-Jacques Rousseau said, “Men are born free, but everywhere they are in chains.” Bob Dylan added, “How many years can some people exist before they’re allowed to be free?”

We tend to think of freedom as escape FROM something. I’ve been thinking of it lately more as freedom TO something – mainly, freedom to choose. Freedom to choose… to be and express ourselves… to think for ourselves and honor our thoughts, views and deepest feelings… freedom to follow our path… freedom to listen to out intuition… freedom to create the lives we want.

Freedom means that we’re not imprisoned by anyone else’s words, deeds or thoughts. People have been trained to love permission instead of freedom. Can we break out of the cocoon of imposed thoughts or is that idea too frightening for us? William Wordsworth said, “We tire easily of Freedom.” And Kafka observed, “Sometimes it’s easier to be in chains.”

We are free. But being free is not so easy. We have been conditioned otherwise for many years. Embracing our freedom will often put as odds with the people and world around us. Rosa Luxemburg wrote, “Freedom is always and exclusively for the one who thinks differently.” Just think what your life would have been like if you were, as Alexander Dubek said, “As free as nature first made man to be!”

Jesus said that knowing the truth would set you free. What truth exactly is that? To re-phrase Jean-Jacques Rousseau’s quote, “Jesus offered freedom but everywhere Christians are in chains.” I think this is so because we miss the truth Jesus was referring to. Why? Because that truth is too threatening to the person we have been conditioned to be. It’s just simpler and more comfortable to settle for a lesser truth, and settle for a pseudo-freedom, and then conveniently pin our focus on the afterlife and wait to die to be free.

(Photo from koolyogagirl1.tumblr.com)

Everything I needed to know about life I learned in a taxi

The Last Cab Ride by Kent Nerburn

“Twenty years ago, I drove a cab for a living…

When I arrived at 2:30 a.m., the building was dark except for a single light in a ground floor window. Under these circumstances, many drivers would just honk once or twice, wait a minute, then drive away.

But, I had seen too many impoverished people who depended on taxis as their only means of transportation. Unless a situation smelled of danger, I always went to the door.

This passenger might be someone who needs my assistance, I reasoned to myself. So I walked to the door and knocked. ‘Just a minute’, answered a frail, elderly voice. I could hear something being dragged across the floor.

After a long pause, the door opened. A small woman in her 80′s stood before me. She was wearing a print dress and a pillbox hat with a veil pinned on it, like somebody out of a 1940s movie. By her side was a small nylon suitcase.

The apartment looked as if no one had lived in it for years. All the furniture was covered with sheets. There were no clocks on the walls, no knickknacks or utensils on the counters. In the corner was a cardboard box filled with photos and glassware.

‘Would you carry my bag out to the car?’ she said. I took the suitcase to the cab, then returned to assist the woman. She took my arm and we walked slowly toward the curb. She kept thanking me for my kindness. ‘It’s nothing’, I told her. ‘I just try to treat my passengers the way I would want my mother treated’. ‘Oh, you’re such a good boy’, she said.

When we got in the cab, she gave me an address, then asked, ‘Could you drive through downtown?’ ‘It’s not the shortest way,’ I answered quickly. ‘Oh, I don’t mind,’ she said. ‘I’m in no hurry. I’m on my way to a hospice’.

I looked in the rear-view mirror. Her eyes were glistening. ‘I don’t have any family left,’ she continued. ‘The doctor says I don’t have very long.’ I quietly reached over and shut off the meter. ‘What route would you like me to take?’ I asked.

For the next two hours, we drove through the city. She showed me the building where she had once worked as an elevator operator. We drove through the neighborhood where she and her husband had lived when they were newlyweds.

She had me pull up in front of a furniture warehouse that had once been a ballroom where she had gone dancing as a girl. Sometimes she’d ask me to slow in front of a particular building or corner and would sit staring into the darkness, saying nothing.

As the first hint of sun was creasing the horizon, she suddenly said, ‘I’m tired. Let’s go now.’ We drove in silence to the address she had given me. It was a low building, like a small convalescent home, with a driveway that passed under a portico.

Two orderlies came out to the cab as soon as we pulled up. They were solicitous and intent, watching her every move. They must have been expecting her. I opened the trunk and took the small suitcase to the door. The woman was already seated in a wheelchair.

‘How much do I owe you?’ she asked, reaching into her purse. ‘Nothing,’ I said. ‘You have to make a living,’ she answered. ‘There are other passengers,’ I responded. Almost without thinking, I bent and gave her a hug. She held onto me tightly. ‘You gave an old woman a little moment of joy,’ she said. ‘Thank you.’ I squeezed her hand, then walked into the dim morning light. Behind me, a door shut. It was the sound of the closing of a life.

I didn’t pick up any more passengers that shift. I drove aimlessly lost in thought. For the rest of that day, I could hardly talk.

What if that woman had gotten an angry driver, or one who was impatient to end his shift? What if I had refused to take the run, or had honked once, then driven away?

On a quick review, I don’t think that I have done anything more important in my life.

We’re conditioned to think that our lives revolve around great moments.

But great moments often catch us unaware―beautifully wrapped in what others may consider a small one.

People may not remember exactly what you did or what you said, but they will always remember how you made them feel.”

16 things people report about their shedding religion journey

16 things people report about their shedding religion journey:

1. You’re losing your religion but gaining your sanity.

2. Maybe you left church because it wasn’t helping you know God or grow spiritually.

3. You know you are on the right path but trying to explain that path to others is like nailing Jello to a wall, and you often feel misunderstood.

4. Your new life beyond religion isn’t quite as defined as things used to be.

5. You have twice as many questions as you do answers but strangely you’re okay with this.

6. Sometimes you doubt yourself, and crave a religious fix to make you feel better.

7. You desperately wish someone (anyone!) would just accept you where you are right now.

8. Oh, for just a couple of people you could sit down with face-to-face and talk with about all this stuff without the threat of judgment and condemnation!

9. On Monday you feel free, and on Tuesday you wonder if you are going crazy.

10. Christ without Christianity, truth without theology, and community without church makes complete sense to you but it also makes you a heretic among some of your former friends who avoid you in the grocery store.

11. You don’t know how to answer the question, “Are you a Christian?”

12. You refuse to divulge the books you are currently reading because you know it’s going to alarm the people who already think you’ve gone off the deep end.

13. You get nauseated when you hear Christanese.

14. You’re not sure where your Bible is.

15. Suddenly you’re liking the people who were previously classified as “them.”

16. Prayer is more an authentic and powerful desire for the liberation of others and contributing to it, rather than a magic God-wand to save the day.

Does any of this sound familiar?

What would you add?

God… the wind outside my window

God… my next breath

God… the life running through my veins

God… the wind outside my window

God… the music in my ears

God… the sunrise in my eyes

God… the smell of approaching rain

God… the laughter with my daughter

God… the ecstasy with my partner

God… the sorrow in my heart

God… the warm sun on my face

God… my awareness that I am complete and whole

God… the next pair of eyes I meet

God… the feeling of peace inside

God… in my passion

God… in my openness

God… in my sensitivity

God… in my anger

God… in my letting go

God… in my holding on

God… in my wonder

God… in my courage

God… in my fear

God… in my confusion

God… in my heartache

God… as my next encounter

God… as my next text, email or phone call

God… as the next person

God… as me

God… the next moment

God… the next feeling

God… my next creation

God… in all things

God… through all things

God… as all things

God inseparable from life and living.

The lie about tomorrow

On my way driving…….it suddenly hit me that life isn’t going to show up any more opportunistically tomorrow for my growth, transformation, peace and happiness. Sometimes I get lulled into this idea that tomorrow will be a better day for creating the life I want to live.

The Bible says, “Now is the day of salvation.” I take that to mean things like…

Now is the day to let go.

Now is the day to stop hiding and pretending.

Now is the day to make amends.

Now is the day to say what needs said.

Now is the day to do the thing you think you cannot do.

Now is the day for a new relationship with yourself.

Now is the day to walk away.

Now is the day to express what you most deeply feel.

Now is the day to make peace with your past.

Now is the day to take a stand.

Now is the day to start anew.

Now is the day to act on your passion.

Now is the day to break your silence.

Now is the day to ask for help and support.

Now is the day for creating the life you desire.

Now is the day to step out in faith and courage.

Now is the day to vulnerable.

Now is the day for establishing that boundary.

Now is the day to stop saying you can’t.

Now is the day to declare what truly matters to you in life.

Now is the day to stop withholding love.

Now is the day to take back responsibility for your life.

Now is the day to stop making excuses.

Now is the day to stop all of that berating self-talk.

Now is the day to be fully present.

Now is the day to move past what has been holding you back.

Now is the day to be honest with yourself.

Now is the day to think for yourself.

Now is the day to follow your path.

Now is the day to listen to your heart.

Now is the day to live your life.

Today…

the same day as

yesterday;

the same day as

tomorrow;

the only day there is,

and ever will be.

(Photo by Husein Anis)