Liz Everly's Blog, page 136

Androgyny is Hot

by Madeline Iva

Don’t you think so? I’ve been thinking a lot about this lately, but I know a number of people feel uncomfortable with it. I was at a dinner the other night where this guy was talking about his son who wears pink shirts, has painted nails, but also has had a girlfriend for the last two years.  Dad was not happy.  If he’s gay, the dad sad, he can support him 100% and walk that walk, talk that talk.  Having a son something short of gay is what is making daddio unhappy.  He doesn’t know what to do with that middle ground.

I have a single gal friend who shared the story of the guy she met at work and how he seemed to be letting her do all the work, but he did seem to like her.  She didn’t know though. What was his deal?  Was he too passive? Shy? Uncertain? It was turning her off by the minute, but you know, if she were a guy, she wouldn’t necessarily say that about a woman.  So is she sexist? Or is she stuck in a fog of gender uncertainty.  I’ve seen a certain kind of metro guy play the come-hither card.  And it works in a smooth, sensuous way, though it requires a woman who’s sure of herself to go-hither confidently.

Welcome to the gender wars.  I’ve been wondering where we are with gender in our society.  Mostly because I saw this CRAZY movie called Tiresia.  It’s about a French prostitute who’s transgendered (chemically), then kidnapped and deprived of her hormones so she starts turning back into a man. (It gets pretty gruesome from there.  The film is all about duality – unlucky vs. lucky, male vs. female, handicapped vs. blessed.  And it’s kind of like a play too—talk, talk, talk.  Those wacky French.)

Anyway, I was FASCINATED just looking at the main actress (actor?).  Androgyny can be totally hot, I think.

But I’ve also kind of wondered about androgyny and attraction.  Is it meant to be a part of our world growing up? Like in high school, I would perseverate on this popular boy who dated this popular girl who practically was a boy herself. She was a track star, completely flat chested, no hips, boy short hair.  I had to wonder if he was dating her because he was popular, or because he was attracted to her—and if to her then was he attracted to boys? I just couldn’t stop wondering.

Tweener girls often crush out on boy-girls.  Take the Hansons.  I used to wonder about them too.  Did they feel odd about growing their hair out, wearing lipstick? I always felt squeamish looking at them.  Like as boys made to look like girls, did they like it? Were they made to do it? Were they resigned to it?

Then there’s the Beibs. I swear the first time I saw him, I was confused and thought he was Hilary Swank. But like, on a good day.  Really I did. You know what I mean?

I want to go out on a limb here and say that androgyny is in it’s own tiny way sinking into the romance world.  Quelle horror you say.  No, how could this be? Romance? Where men always have massive tools, and women have curves for days, etc?

Well but if you think about it, the men also tend to have a ton of hair—often long gorgeous abundant hair.  I think I’ve only read one story—one where the guy had the suggestion of a receding hairline or was bald.

And romance is often about attractive men who can mind read, anticipating the wants/needs of his partner. (Like women do.)

Check out the hunched Japanese-Korean actor at the bottom right. Androgyny bliss! So hot!

Romance is often about men who are tender.

There’s a whole line of romances devoted to secret babies.  We’re basically talking about are men who are good fathers (nurturing)

Then there’s women in romance.

Women who are sassy (assertive)

Women who are kick-ass in urban fantasy (aggressive)

Women who are dominant sexually, (older women, dominatrix women, and pro-slutty bad girls)

Even historicals are full of tomboys these days– Young women who can shoot guns, arrows, swordfight, read Greek, do tricks on horseback, etc.

At this point I have to bring up go-to favorite movie character Legolas.  Face it, he’s androgyny on a stick.  In Peter Jackson’s world, elves are all about long hair, amazing cheekbones, and are kinda interchangeable.  The boys are lithe, the girls all seem to have low voices and can fight and ride like men.  I myself would not mind joining into an elf dog pile with any of them, truth be told.  Even with Legolas’s dad who’s a total wanker.

Maybe this is because I never really embraced the whole beefy male thing in a way – massive thighs, super hairy chest, and big powerful ass – (although I will confess the covers of Laurann Dohner erotic romances makes me eat those words every time.)

I notice the model world is embracing androgyny.  It can give certain models celebrity status (examples).  Perhaps in their biz anyone who makes you give a double take is valuable.

It’s like androgyny is this attractive third gender where everyone embraces that middle ground of boy-girl pretty.

Just for fun I took the Bem test, which is supposed to tell you if you’re masculine, feminine or androgynous.

http://androgyne.0catch.com/gentest1.htm

I actually scored -7, which is androgynous.  (Shocker!)

What about you?

There are bold souls in our pop world marching off into androgyny territory. Lady Gaga, etc. Psychology today talks about them here.  Check it out!

Tilda Swinton is my fav. androgynous actress.

Check her out in Orlando–best androgyny movie evah!

And to improve your own locks and cheekbones, don’t forget to follow gender bending Lady Smut today.

Is Manscaping Manly?

Hot – and hairless!

By Elizabeth Shore

Back in 1972, Cosmopolitan magazine published a centerfold of Burt Reynolds in his birthday suit stretched out on a bearskin rug. The photo was no less than a media sensation and was considered groundbreaking for the female sexual revolution. After all, ladies have been strutting their naked selves for the entertainment of men for years. At last we gals had the favor returned (although, to be honest, Burt’s strategically draped arm hid the essential bit). That one photo skyrocketed Burt Reynolds’ career from actor to sex star. In fact, the picture was so popular that it spurred the launch of Playgirl. But isn’t it interesting how tastes change? If that photo were published today, instead of feeling euphoric over the progress in gender equality, I’d take one look at Burt’s gorilla chest and think: that dude’s in need of some serious manscaping.

If you do a Google images search on “sexy men” (go ahead, I’ll wait), you’re not going to get much in the way of body hair. What you are going to get are pictures similar to Mr. Ripped Abs above. When it comes to today’s hotties, the ladies like ‘em smooth. We can deal with a bit of facial hair – five o’clock shadow’s pretty sexy – but plush mats of chest fur resembling a chia pet are a total turn-off. As writer Ryan McKee states on the website Ask Men, “chest hair should never be so thick that it appears a guy’s T-shirt is levitating off his chest.” Right on, Ryan.

The same rule-of-thumb holds true for excessive leg hair. Some, sure, unless you’re dating a swimmer in which case you can expect his thighs to be smoother than yours. What we don’t want is for men’s legs to look like they’re covered in carpet. As for other hirsute habits, under arm hair should be nicely trimmed. No visible tufts, please. Back hair, nose hair, ear hair let’s not even think about. But what about . . . down there? Should the lawn be trimmed around the tree?

In the porn industry men are always shaved to the nines. Not a stitch to be found below the face. But here’s the thing: for a guy to be that hairless requires a lot of upkeep. Is all that manscaping manly? Do we want our guys to be higher maintenance than we are?

Consider this scenario. You’re getting ready for a night on the town. You’ve spent the better part of the past hour making sure your make-up looks great and your hair behaves. You’ve got your outfit picked out and are nearly finished. Suddenly your guy scoots you aside and says he’s gotta jump in the shower because he needs to shave his balls. Say what?! Talk about being doused with a cold bucket of reality. Is this information that we really wanted?

People have said about sausage that they love to eat it but don’t want to know how it’s made. Perhaps we can equate manscaping to sausage. We like the results, but have no interest in knowing how they were achieved. I mean, seriously, would it be cool for your guy to cancel a date because he’s got an appointment for a back wax?

What do you think? How much is too much when it comes to men’s maintenance? Sound off in the comments below. Oh, and don’t forget to follow us at Lady Smut. We’ll keep you properly maintained.

On Writing Rituals

By Liz Everly

I recently picked up “Daily Rituals: A Guided Tour of Writer’s and Artist’s Creative Habits” by Mason Currey.

I love these kinds of books between reading other books. (Right now, I’m writing a lot of fiction and tend not to read a lot of fiction at the point in my process.)  I think it’s a good idea to reflect over your own writing or creative rituals and wonder how you might possibly change things up a bit so that creativity doesn’t get stale for you.

When I dream about my ideal writing day, it would include the lighting of candles, a little meditation, good music playing, and the drinking of plenty of good tea and coffee. I have thought about adding wine to my ideal routine, but anytime I’ve written while drinking has not turned out well. But throughout my writing life, I’ve always had to just sneak in the writing where I could. And I think it’s been a great teacher for me. If you want to write, you will find a way in between jobs, kids, and a million other things pulling at you.

Before I had children, I use to rise early in the morning before work (as an editor) and write poetry. I wrote everyday. Some of these meditative pieces later became real poems. But many of them did not. It simply did not mater. I was practicing. I was all about Natalie Goldberg’s writing practice, which looking back, has help me a great deal in the long run. (Her book Writing Down the Bones, remains one of my favorite writing books.)

After having children, writing became a whole new exercise in flexibility and self-expectation. Okay, if I can’t write now because the child wants to play or eat or whatever, I need to write when I can. In some way, it’s still like this for me as the mom of a 15-year-old and a 12-year-old. I write when they are in school. Period. It’s gotten to the point that when they are home and occupied and do have the time to write, I still find it hard to write because they are in the house—even though they are no bother at all.

At this point in my life, my routine includes getting up earlier than everybody else and cranking out at least 1,000 words on my work in progress. After everybody is out of the house, I shift gears and either go for run or to the gym. Exercise has become key in getting my brain cells fired up for the rest of the day. Then I sit down and write. Now, it may be blog posts, or social media posts, but I am writing, right? Having a break like this in the day helps me when I’m writing two very different books—cozy mysteries and erotic romances.

As a mom, my schedule is sometimes completely affected by my kids. And I think that’s okay at this point in my professional life and this point in my girls’ lives. I’m sure my routine will change the older they get. I just need to be open to it. But at this point one of the things I can’t imagine writing without is my exercise. Seriously. It’s become so ingrained in the creative process for me.

What about you? What does your writing routine or creative process look like? Do you have a ritual?

Nothin’ Casual About Casual Sex

by Kiersten Hallie Krum

Casual sex.

Oh sure, now I’ve got your attention.

I stumbled across this article on therichest.com—which right away should tell you something—about the most promiscuous cities in the world. Not along the lines of “Berlin, you slut,” but rather which cities are the ones whose residents are most comfortable with and most inclined toward having casual, non-romance or relationship seeking sex. The places that attract the most tourist traffic of those looking for a little bang bang on their break. But before it got on with the city hopping, the tour bus hit some talking points about casual sex, and just like that, my flight was delayed.

Nothing like The Big Easy for some easy lovin’

The majority of women surveyed for the article admitted to having casual sex as some point in their lives and a very small percentage of that number regretted doing so. The article mentions how “experts” blame the increased acceptance of casual sex in society for puberty occurring at younger ages in adolescents leading to the rise of sexual activity in teenagers. I think it’s more due to the media targeting teens as a demographic more and more over the last 20 or 30 years, particularly as advertisers try to grab onto their disposable cash, but they likely go hand in hand chicken and egg style. As casual sex gains more overt acceptance in society, the business world capitalizes on it by making more sexually explicit ads. Western society’s increased acceptance of casual sex is arguably most evident in movies, television and books (ahem), though I find it telling that, despite this, it’s the depictions of violence (and especially violence against women) that are ever more accessible to younger viewers more so than any sexual content, but that’s a different post. Overall, the article’s general consensus is that most people feel more comfortable engaging in casual sex when in a separate environment, like on vacation, but whether at home or away, setting is key for letting inhibitions fly free and indulging in some no-strings casual sex.

Nothin’ at all casual about it.

But can sex ever truly be casual? My gut response to sex is never as simple as to be termed “casual”, so the idea of viewing sex merely as an adult theme fascinates me. This may be why I write sexy romantic suspense stories in which my characters get hot and heavy not long after they lay eyes on one another. 

Countless romance novels, erotic or otherwise, have launched with a hot one-night stand but the story starts not with the sex, fun as that is, but with the emotions, the connection the characters inevitably find in that scorching first hook up. But it’s not casual. It’s far from casual.

Do you think sex can ever really be casual? Which of the ten cities on that list would be on your bucket list given the chance for a tour of the most promiscuous cities of the world?

Follow LadySmut. Nobody would dare suggest we’re casual about anything.

 

How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Robot Bartender

By Alexa Day

I first heard about the robotic bartender a little over a week ago. It’s a smart looking black box, not unlike the replicator on Star Trek, that dispenses a perfectly blended cocktail into a glass at the touch of a button. The robot bartender keeps track of what you’ve been drinking and how much you’ve been drinking, so it knows what to recommend for you and it knows when to cut you off. It knows all the recipes, too, and it has nothing to gain by watering down your drink while it stiffens someone else’s. Unless you just want a gentler drink. You can use a little slider on the touch screen to adjust the strength of your beverage.

The robot bartender is called Monsieur, and in its own way, it’s just like any other technology. The developers recognize that it can’t replace a man (or a woman), but it can free the man to do his job more effectively. And the fact is that actually making the drinks is only a small part of your favorite bartender’s job, even though there is an element of performance art to swirling a martini or taking the torch to some 151.

Look at Sam go! He’s working with his eyes closed.

Your human bartender is the ultimate confidant. His quiet presence invites you to share your deepest, darkest secrets with him. He won’t judge. He knows when to offer advice and when to offer a sympathetic ear and keep his mouth shut.

The bartender flirts. He flirts with everyone, and you both know it, but somehow it’s different when he is flirting with you. He also doesn’t mind when you flirt with him. He knows exactly what buttons to push, and he has a way of making you feel like the most seductive person in the room.

And just to take it dirty, because that’s what I do, have a nice long look at your bartender’s hands. It’s okay. He expects it. Doesn’t the bartender have nice, strong, capable hands? Are you going to find a robot anywhere in the world with hands like that?

Now that glass really can fill itself — sort of.

There are still loads of places perfect for Monsieur. It’s always at your side for table service. Monsieur’s ready to step in when the crowd at the bar is so thick that you can’t even see the human bartender. Monsieur will even work your annual backyard grillfest so your human bartender friend can enjoy your party as a guest, without having to work.

Most importantly, the robot bartender frees the human bartender to do more of the things only a human bartender can do. Like carding you when you don’t really need to be carded.

Why? Well, the better to flirt with you, my dear. In my own past as a bartender, I’ve used that handy-dandy ID info to ask about motorcycles, eye color, any number of fascinating things. Monsieur won’t do that to you, but that’s just one of the services a human bartender will provide.

Are you down with Monsieur? Do you insist on a flesh-and-blood bartender? Or are you thinking of a very hot cyborg bartender hybrid? I know I wouldn’t mind having Monsieur around for my personal home use. It would pour me a double if I’m coming home from work late, which is a really sweet gesture, and it’d take care of my friends, who can be a handful once the party’s underway. For going out, however, I must insist on the personal touch. Or a cyborg.

Make sure you follow Lady Smut while you consider these all-important questions. We’ll be sure to keep you in the mix.

Sexy Saturday Round-Up

by Liz Everly and the Lady Smut Bloggers

Photo by Dollen

Hello Sexy! Hope you’re having a fabulous Saturday! To help you out with that, we’ve come up with some fun, informative and sexy blog posts this morning. Take a load off, sit back and relax. It’s Sat-ur-day!

From Liz:

More about erotic romance. We like it.

What is your responsiblity as an erotic romance author? Joelle Casteel weighs in.

Facebook Do’s and Don’ts for authors.

From Elizabeth:

If you’re waiting to be courted, better not hold your breath. It’s over.

In response, Ask Men says it’s not that guys aren’t in to courting women, but most of them just aren’t worth it.
 
What women really think of getting laid app, Tinder. 
 
American Apparel is using pubic hair on their mannequins. Lots of pubic hair.

From Madeline:

Cuddle me! For $10.00

An Indie-Publishing Survey to beat all other indie-publishing surveys.

Cards against humanity make-over.

A funny from The Onion on Golden Globe fashion.

Say YAY to this broadway baby!

Better not mess with Mindy Kaling’s fans.

You’ve heard of Feminism? Well here’s Meninism.

Stay Hungry,

Liz

P.S. Please don’t forget to subscribe to Lady Smut!

 

Unlikable Characters

By C. Margery Kempe

There’s been a lot of discussion lately about the likabilty of characters in the publishing world, especially female characters. Sometimes I think it’s the greatest taboo to be unlikable (although promoting yourself seems to be right up there, too).

I have been turning this over idly because one of my all-time favorite television characters is back in a second series of The Bridge (Bron/Broen), Saga Norén, played by Sofia Helin.

The Swedish/Danish production makes much of the location of the Øresund Bridge that runs between Malmö and Copenhagan. The Swedes are stereotyped as uptight killjoys in Denmark, while Danes are often seen as decadent hedonists. While the Danish cop, Martin, tries to be a nice guy and get along with everyone while they deal with a bizarre murder in the first series (and an outbreak of plague in the second). Saga, however, is nigh on Asperger-ish (the show never ‘diagnoses’ her, though her co-workers giggle when Martin arrives wondering how he will deal with her ‘special’ personality) and finds most of the delicate dance of ‘getting along with people’ either a waste of time or simply incomprehensible.

It’s great that she has the confidence to walk into a bar and ask a man to have sex. He tries the usual ploy of asking her if he can buy her a drink when she tells him this, and he’s nonplussed and then suspicious. After the vigorous sex, she falls right to sleep and later he awakes to find her reviewing case photos including a cut in half torso. He leaves in a hurry.

Saga is very smart and knows that she is not like other people. In the midst of a real tangle of a case, she’s motivated by Martin’s example to attempt to actually try out more ‘normal’ pursuits. Part of the fun is the two of them always being at odds, but there’s so much refreshing about a woman who feels no need to please other people. It’s fun when she bluntly asks Martin, “How’s your scrotum?” after he’s injured, but it’s also kind of delicious that she seldom has any self-doubt whatsoever.

She may not be likable, but Saga is certainly fascinating and I’m so glad there’s a second series of The Bridge. I have had a few characters that I think might be considered something less than “likable” even among my romance  titles, like Shai in the first Man City novella. She doesn’t exactly cheat on her boyfriend but she’s not willing to settle for just him alone. She wants more more more. Does that make her unlikable?

Do heroines need to be likable? Do you feel the pressure to be likable?

Lady Smut’s Top 10 Sexiest Guys N Gals in 2013

by Madeline Iva

You hear a lot of snark about sexism in our universe, and it’s true–there are definitely some big ole nasty problems out there in our world when it comes to sexism, etc.  Yet in a profoundly flawed universe I’d like to take a second to canvas the sexiness of our world in a limited way, and give props to Maxim for picking out a rather diverse group of women for their Sexiest Women and Hottest Celebrities of 2013. 

Out of all the Hollywood Starlets – the talent-less line up of Pussycat Dolls and other starving, plasticized bimbettes –Maxim has included some ethnicity, some varied body shapes, and enough quirky brainy women to prove that clearly guys are getting more interested in what’s going on inside a woman, rather than just picking out a standard bra cup size.

I think they deserve a little spoonful of sugar.  A little encouragement for the new year.  What follows is a messy, opinionated, idiosyncratic, annotated list.  These are the top picks that made me want to give at the very least a small thumb’s up of approval for Maxim. Enjoy!

#1 Scarlet Johanssen – I think most men would think she’s the most sexy.  One guy I know said: the reason why no guy wants to go see Don Jon is because of the ridiculous premise: that any guy would rather watch porn than shag Scarlet.

I put her at the top of my list because I’m also so thrilled she dropped Ryan Reynolds (Who? He seems to have dropped off the map without her.  Thank goodness.)  Why isn’t she #1 on Maxim’s list? She was #15.  I don’t get it.  I think their voting–which is alphabetical by first name–works against her.  Most of the women in the top ten had names that came before the middle of the alphabet.

#2 Kat Denning. I’m fascinated by her.  First of all, you can’t help but notice that her boobs are, like, crazy amazing. She looks like a super-hero to me.  She’s the Clark Kent of Hollywood, hiding in plain site. And she’s a great actress–any time she’s on screen, I’m interested—and not just because of her super-hero/super-power boobs.

#3 Zooey Deschanal: I’m excited she made the list.  Because quirky + earnest + square = sexy, dammit.  Also she gets my vote because her mom was on Twin Peaks.

#4 Aubrey Plaza: She’s on my list for proving sullen is fun.

#5 Janina Gavankar – You know her from TRUE BLOOD.  I know her as the former high school geek/secret crush turned into trophy goddess/urologist on The LEAGUE.  Yes to plot lines where a secret crush grows up to be sexy women doctor expert on a guy’s vulnerable junk.  In some way I think this says something good about men who came up with this character.  Not sure exactly what—just a gut feeling.

A guy’s fantasy version of Mindy Kaling

#6 Jessica Chastain –Okay, I don’t think she’s sexy at all, though I do think she’s beautiful.  But props for having someone on the list who played a determined CIA woman in charge – I mean, it’s not like Maxim’s readers voted Hilary Clinton into the top 50 or anything, but in a way, it’s like Maxim says yes to powerful women!

#7 Yes to Amanda Seyfried – again, she looks so odd in a way. She’s not the typical blonde, but I still love her for the wild pony role she played way back in Veronica Mars.

#8 Props to Maxim for including some older women,  (Cameron Diaz) as well as including some not so obvious choices like Lea Michelle—the Barbara Streisand of our time–and Emma Watson (another not so obvious a choice) – who again, is another actress who has an intelligence that outshines the appeal of her gamin cuteness.

She’s a wild pony. I get the feeling that half her roles aren’t as strange as she’d like them to be.

#9 Here’s to a variety of body types represented.  From the flat-chested, to very curvy (Kat Denning), from very young (Salina Gomez) to over forty (Clooney’s ex Stacey Kiebler), from tall to short (Haden Panettiere), muscular and could kick your ass (Gina Carano) to brainy they seem to be trying to find and represent a nice wide spectrum of beauty, charisma, and appeal.  I like it.

But Maxim, being Maxim, will always leave a bad taste in the mouth.  The big sad ending of their list is that they picked Miley Cyrus as #1 for 2013.  Boo!  

Now for the Men:  I mean, I guess I was a little more picky here.  This list is drawn from Glamour’s The Top 100 Sexiest-Hottest Men of 2013.  

Thumb’s down: I would say—unlike Maxim’s picks – the choices presented in Glamour were close to 50 percent pre-pubescent.  Or that’s how it felt anyway…baby men under 21 just don’t do it for me, I guess.

Thumb’s up: Yet I was pleased to see that there were some men included who were obviously gay – so glad we can recognize this and we’re all okay with it.  Maybe Hollywood’s closet door isn’t shut so tightly anymore.

Tom Mison. Yup.

#10 and of course there were some great, obvious choices.  I mean, George Clooney, Hugh Jackman, Chris Hemsworth, Orlando Bloom, Robert Pattison, yeah yeah yeah. But where’s Tom Mison????

Despite missing Tom, here were the interesting men Glamour picked that I say yes to:

 #9 Damian Lewis – I’m not especially attracted to his looks but his chemistry with Claire Danes in Homeland was smoking.  This is a guy who could act his way into your pants.

#8 Aaron Taylor Johnson – not sure how much of what I love about him is him—his looks and performance in the Kick Ass movies, and how much of his appeal is the way he fell for an older woman, married her, and (in Hollywood terms) now they’ve been together for forever.

#7 Martin Freeman! Bromancey is so sexy on Martin.  When he’s ready to tumble off the edge in Sherlock —either into being ‘deadly’ or into being Cumber-bitch’s outright boyfriend is when he makes me purr.

#6 Tom Hardy – think I’ve done a post on Tom.  I can’t find it, though.  :(  Anyway, his voice, his lips — he’s pretty freakin’ appealing.

Pharrell is drinking blood to look this young–he’s actually 40.

#5 James Franco.  He first won me over in Tristan and Isolde. The movies he’s in have been uneven, I grant you that.  But you have to give him credit for slicing open his leading man body so that his inner crazy character actor could crawl out.  If you’ve seen Spring Breakers, you’ve seen that James Franco is not afraid of anything.

#4 Pharrell Williams.  Ow.  He’s so cute/hot/soft spoken.  Damn, just can’t get enough of him.  Give me a spoon please.

#3 Alexander Skarsgard – He’s a Svensk hunk of manflesh who always seems a little tortured.  I can’t resist.

#2 Channing Tatum.  I got on the Channing ride when he did 21 Jump Street.  A pretty boy, but I can’t hold it against him when he obviously has a great sense of humor and is very willing to laugh at himself.  That kind of thing just destroys me.

British & smoking hot.

#1 Idris Elba made it to #8.  The George Clooney of England. He should be #1.  Obviously.  Do you agree? Or do you agree?

Let me know in the comments below — I welcome all challenges to either list.  Want to hang out with us Lady Smut folk more often? Use the follow button to your right.  

The Unfortunate Allure Of Affairs

By Elizabeth Shore

“The allure of affairs is that they’re not bogged down with the realities of everyday life.”

So I’m at home, indulging in one of my true guilty pleasures: the ID Channel. I really shouldn’t be watching this channel. I mean, I really shouldn’t. After all, I’ve got books to write. Deadlines to meet! Luckily my guilty pleasure hasn’t gotten out of hand. So far. I dole it out to myself a little at a time, like candy to a child, so as not to OD on it and fall into an ID Channel stupor.

But anyhoo, I’m watching one of my favorite shows, Wicked Attraction, whose premise is stories about two people who hook up for scorching hot sex that ultimately leads to bad things in the end. One of them murdering the other’s spouse, for example. Interspersed in the story are comments from folks such as the detectives who investigated the situation and noted authorities who lend expertise, such as forensic psychologists. On an episode I watched recently, a forensic psychologist stated the quote above, about affairs not being bogged down with the realities of everyday life, and it got me thinking. Is that what’s so darn enticing about affairs? Is it the escape from the daily grind, the stolen moments of suspended reality where nothing matters except the pursuit and achievement of outrageous, passionate sex? The opportunity to set aside the mundane and wallow like a pig in mud in lots and lots of amazing sex.

The start of a relationship is an intoxicating experience, isn’t it? Chemistry picks up steam, hormones are flying, and the intimate journey is a thrilling, hedonistic process of discovery. There’s nothing tired or boring about a brand new lover, no siree. What’s not to love about a fresh touch on your skin, a new lover’s mouth devouring yours, a sensual exploration of what drives you wild. The mere thought of it gets the  heart pounding and the panties damp. And if that relationship happens to be an affair – no strings attached! There can’t be, right? ‘Cause it’s an affair. One or both of the involved parties is linked with someone else. Someone who would be devastated to learn of this clandestine tryst. So affairs are kept quiet, and secret, which only serves to heighten the dangerous allure. It’s like parents locking the liquor cabinet to a teen. He must have that alcohol, if for no other reason than he’s not supposed to. It’s the wild excitement of forbidden fruit.

When it comes to sex, we like it new. It’s exciting and adventurous, which sadly is another attraction to an affair. It’s a lot more work spicing things up with a well-known lover versus simply taking on someone new. Why is that? Why are some unable to resist the allure of a heated affair while fidelity for others is indeed a sacred oath?

There are those who argue that we humans are simply not wired for fidelity and that the expectation of monogamy is unrealistic. Certainly there’s support from the animal kingdom, where scientists have discovered that animals formerly thought to mate for life do indeed have animal affairs. But animals don’t have the same desire we humans do for things like truth and security. They also may not know the meaning of jealousy. Now, obviously, I’m not a . . . I dunno, coyote or anything, so I don’t actually have inside information. But I’m just sayin’.

In any case, the unfortunate truth is that affairs for many are far too tempting to resist. There’s even a website, ashleymadison.com, for those who like to cheat. Their tagline: “Life is short. Have an affair.” And the worst part – Ashley Madison boasts a membership of over 23 million.

I’ll watch my show because, after all, it’s got that trainwreck element where I just can’t look away. But I’m curious what others think about why affairs are – for some people – impossible to deny. Sound off below ’cause we love to hear from readers. And while you’re at it, be sure to click the little follow button to the right.

Readers: How Much Sex in Your Story?

By Liz Everly

Very few people in my real life know that I write sexy romances, labeled as “erotic romance.” But a few trusted souls know—one of whom told me she was shocked when she read SAFFRON NIGHTS and CRAVINGS because the books have a lot of story in them. She expected more sex, less story. Hmmm. Look at my covers…is that what they say to a potential reader? No story, lots of sex?

As a writer, I’d have to say I’d get bored quickly if all I wrote was sex scene after sex scene with not much story. I mean, there IS a place for that—just not for me. And as a reader, I usually don’t read the ten-page sex scenes. (Okay, maybe the first few, but then…I just skim.)

It’s very hard on writers of genre fiction these days to accurately label ourselves. First, I think it’s in our nature to actively resist labeling. Grin. But second, the lines between contemporary romance, steamy romance, and erotic romance are often blurred. A publisher will call your book by whatever their own formula tells them to do—or whatever the hottest sub-genre is. Sylvia Day is one of my favorite erotic romance writers and she gives a great definition of the sub-genres here. http://www.sylviaday.com/extras/erotic-romance/

Going by her definition, I’m writing something between erotic romance and steamy romance. Because while a good bit of development happens while my characters are having sex, a lot happens when they are not—and the stories could be tweaked for “closed door” sex scenes and you’d still have a sexy-food-suspense story. But as they are now, yes, they are “erotic romance.”

For example, in CRAVINGS Sasha is an ex-dominatrix (professional). She was taken off the street as a young woman and taught how to be one. Now, she’s uncertain how to have regular sex and to be with a man, let alone how to have a relationship. So, Sanj shows her the way. Part of this is through the sex. As a writer, I could have chosen to finagle the sex out of it. It just depends on where the writer places the focus. How she or he feels the story MOST benefits.

My friend’s remark sent my head spinning. Because here’s the thing: another reader reviewed SAFFRON NIGHTS and said it was porn. Okay—can you see my head spinning all the way around now? I think readers have to take some responsibility in this paradigm. (Like maybe learn what porn is before you write a review saying something is porn when it is not? Just because there’s graphic sex in a story doesn’t mean it’s porn. ) Make no mistake, writers are here to entertain and to please readers. We don’t want you to pick up our book and be turned off because it’s not what you expect. We want to exceed expectations, if anything.  What can we do to help meet those expectations? Are the covers leading you down the right or wrong path? How about the publishers—are they labeling books so that you see clearly what you’re purchasing in terms of heat level? How much sex is too much?