Harvey MacKay's Blog, page 6

Appreciation increases your value

A man attending a seminar on interpersonal relationships became convinced of the need for him to begin showing appreciation to people.  His family seemed like an appropriate place to start.  So on his way home, he picked up a dozen long-stem roses and a box of chocolates.  This was going to be a real surprise, and he was excited to begin showing his wife how much he appreciated her.

Arriving home, he walked up to the front door with his hands full, rang the doorbell and waited for his wife to answer.  Immediately upon seeing him, she began to cry.

“What’s the matter honey?” asked the confused husband.

“Oh, it’s been a terrible day,” she responded.  “First, Tommy tried to flush a stuffed animal down the toilet, then the dishwasher quit working, Sally came home from school sick, and now … now you come home drunk.”

Oops.

Maybe this husband had bad timing or he should have shown more appreciation in the past.  Or maybe he was suffering from the taking-things-for-granted syndrome.  Many of us are comfortable with our lives and we often fail to appreciate our loved ones, friends, people we work with, our health, and on and on.

Whether spoken by you or to you, two words are among the most meaningful in the language.  We teach them to tots learning to talk, to get them in the habit of showing gratitude.  We write them when we receive a gift or a special favor.  We say them when we remember to, which is often not enough. 

“There are two words that, when spoken, have the most unfathomable power to completely change your life,” wrote Rhonda Byrne, author of “The Secret.”  “Two words which, when they pass your lips, will be the cause of bringing absolute joy and happiness to you.  Two words that will create miracles in your life.  Two words that will wipe out negativity.  Two words that will bring you abundance in all things.  Two words which, when uttered and sincerely felt, will summon all the forces and vibrations in the Universe to move all things for you.  The only thing standing between you, happiness, and the life of your dreams is two words … THANK YOU!” 

William James, psychologist and philosopher, said, “The deepest principle of human nature is a craving to be appreciated.”

Studies by other psychologists reflect this as well.  Psychologists Michael E. McCullough and Robert A. Emmons performed several studies in which participants were asked to practice exercises of “counting their blessings” either on a weekly basis for 10 weeks or on a daily basis for a couple weeks.  Participants were asked to record their moods, coping behaviors, health behaviors, physical symptoms and overall life appraisals.  Their research is one reason many people believe appreciation is the most essential and powerful constituent of well-being.

The cost of praising someone is nil – but a recent study has found that the payoff can be huge.  Employees want to be seen as competent, hardworking members of the team.  Good managers want satisfied, motivated, and productive staff members.  What better motivation than thanking employees for their contributions to the company’s success?

Showing appreciation also generates respect and builds relationships.  The keys are to be sincere and specific.  Whether it’s in person or in writing, it’s always good to praise others in public, which raises morale.  Just keep it genuine – going overboard can have the reverse effect.

Fortunately there are many simple ways to show appreciation to people at work:

Take note of a talent or skill they have and compliment them.
Ask co-workers about their lives outside of work.  Show a genuine interest.  Everything doesn’t have to be about business.
Give recognition for a job well done.
Offer to help if you know a co-worker is in a bind.
Buy lunch. 
Tell their boss what a good job they did on a project.

Little things mean a lot … not true.  Little things mean everything.

Just remember:  You get what you give.  When you give appreciation and acknowledgement, you are showing that you value the people around you.  You might be just one person, but hearing a simple “thank you” may be all it takes to turn someone’s day around.  I guarantee that you will get something in return – the satisfaction of knowing that you have made a difference for someone.  And that’s all the thanks you need.

Mackay’s Moral:   “Thank you” is always a welcome message.

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First impressions last

There are many things in life that you can do multiple times.  Making a first impression isn’t one of them.

First impressions are lasting.  Once a first impression is made, if it’s less than great, unfortunately it takes a long time to change it. 

Experts say it takes between five and 15 seconds for someone to form a first impression about a person.  According to William Thourlby in his book “You Are What You Wear:  The Key to Business Success,” the first time we meet someone, we’re trying to size them up.  People look at socio-economic status, level of education, social position, level of sophistication, economic background, social background, moral character and level of success.

First impressions are influenced by our backgrounds, including our families, friends, education, religion, jobs and other factors.  These include body language, dress and appearance, and voice.  Your body language and appearance speak much louder than words.  Use your body language to project appropriate confidence and self-assurance.  Stand tall, make eye contact, greet with a firm handshake.

Quite possibly, one of the most important and terrifying times to make a spectacular first impression is when you are interviewing for or starting a new job. 

The first day of a new job can be exciting and nerve-racking at the same time.  Even if you never plan to leave your current job, you’ll probably be promoted or switch to a new position at some point, and the experience will be much the same.  There are some guidelines for relieving some of that stress on day one that you should keep in mind.

Don’t be late.  In fact, it’s best to be a little early.  Double-check where you’re supposed to be and what time you’re expected to start.  If it’s a new workplace, test your route and give yourself extra time for a prompt arrival.


Learn the lay of the land.  Your manager will probably show you around, but make an extra effort to remember what you see so you don’t have to repeat the same questions.  Yes, you can always ask for directions later, but you’ll impress people more by being a quick study.


Master people’s names.  Again, you’ll gain a reputation for attention and thoughtfulness by memorizing the names of everyone you meet.  There are a variety of memory strategies that will help you match names and faces.  There is no bigger compliment than using someone’s name when you speak to them.


Bring your lunch.  Maybe the boss or co-workers will take you out to lunch on your first day, but don’t count on it.  Stay in the workplace and eat in the lunchroom so you get a chance to meet more people.  Just don’t waste too much time chowing down on your first day – demonstrate your eagerness to get back to work.


Smile.  Put a pleasant expression on your face.  Be friendly.  Show that you’re glad to be there.  People respond to smiles and sincerity.  Ask questions and be interested in your new co-workers.  They’ll remember and appreciate your effort.


Restrain your instincts.  Your first day is a time to learn, not to show off what you think you know.  So show you are glad to be there, but don’t let your enthusiasm get the best of you lest you come off as insincere.  Concentrate instead on what you can contribute and how you can fit in to the culture. 

On the other side of the equation, when I hire people, I am acutely aware of the first impression they leave on me.  Will a customer have the same reaction?

We’ve all had cringe-worthy moments hoping we came across as positive as we could.  Remember the movie, “Pretty Woman”?   Julia Roberts’ character goes into a swanky Beverly Hills shop looking for a wardrobe upgrade, wearing a very casual and somewhat provocative outfit.  The saleswomen ignore her, thinking she can’t afford their clothing.  She gets the message and walks out of the store as quickly as she came in.

But a couple days later, she returns, dressed to the nines.  The sales staff is most attentive, anticipating a huge sale from this elegant woman.   They obviously don’t recognize her.  So she reminds them that they had snubbed her and so she took her business elsewhere.  Nothing could make up for their pathetic first impression.    

   

Mackay’s Moral:   You never get a second chance to make a good first impression.

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Brevity is the soul of communicating

A third grader had to do a book report, and he chose a Socrates biography.  His report consisted of three succinct sentences:

Socrates was a philosopher.
He talked a lot.
They killed him.

Not much more to say about brevity.  Maybe that’s why U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt said, “Be sincere.  Be brief.  Be seated.”

Another U.S. President, Woodrow Wilson once said:  “If I am to speak for 10 minutes, I need a week for preparation; if 15 minutes, three days; if half an hour, two days; if an hour, I am ready now.” 

This is a good explanation for why people are so long-winded.  It’s easier.  You don’t need to think and prepare as much.  Just let it roll.

Maybe that’s why William Shakespeare said, “Brevity is the soul of wit.”

One thing I know is that brevity is powerful.  People who can speak or write concisely and to the point are more successful.

The late comedian George Burns was right on when he said, “The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible.” 

I have a little different take on preparation.  The nature of my public speaking engagements usually requires me to present for longer periods.  But that doesn’t mean I don’t need to be completely ready and well-researched to keep my points brief and interesting.

If I have to make a 60-minute speech on a new subject, I figure it will take 60 hours of preparation.  It’s almost one hour of preparation for every minute, if you want your message to be good.  You never want your audience to wonder if you will ever stop talking.  You want to leave them wanting more – more fabulous content, not just more words.

Are you one of those people for whom conveying information can sometimes turn into the unraveling of a saga?  Here are some tips adapted from iVillage.com on how to keep your conversations short and sweet when necessary.

Don’t get bogged down with irrelevant details.  Get to the meat of the information as directly as possible.  “I talked with Jim Thursday, or was it Wednesday?  No, I think it was Thursday …”  Does anyone really care?  Get to the point.


Don’t repeat information.  Unless the person with whom you’re talking indicates that he or she didn’t hear what you said, say things only once.  I can’t tell you how many times I hear the same message repeated over and over with different words.  Don’t rehash old news. 


Take a writing class.  A good writing class can teach you to make your points using the fewest words possible.  The training can also benefit your spoken communications. 


Eliminate non-word fillers.  I am very aware (and annoyed) when people use too many “ums” … “likes” … and “you knows.”  It’s better to pause briefly and say nothing.


Bring up information that is relevant to most of the group.  Save any questions specific to you or any specialized conversations for later discussion.

Here’s a grand example of when short is sweet.  One of the most memorable Academy Award acceptance speeches was delivered by Patty Duke, who won the Oscar for Best Supporting Actress for her role in “The Miracle Worker.”  She uttered just two words:  Thank you. 

If all the winners were so succinct, the entire program would last about an hour instead of three or four.   

But my choice for best short speech ever goes to Winston Churchill, Great Britain’s prime minister during World War II.  He led the British through the darkest days of the war, rallying spirits with his soaring rhetoric.   

Churchill, rarely recognized as a man of few words, was invited to address the graduating class of Oxford University in his later years.  Following his introduction, he walked to the lectern and simply said, “Never, never, never give up.”  Then he sat down.  Memorable?  Absolutely.

The lesson in writing for newspapers is always “Be brief!”  However, a certain beginner in journalism picked up what seemed to him to be a big story.  He hurried to text his editor what he had uncovered. 

The editor responded promptly, “Go ahead and write 600 words.”

The enthusiastic young reporter was depressed and fired back a text, “Story can’t be told in less than 1,200 words.”

The editor’s reply said, “Story of world’s creation was told in 600 words.  Try it.”

Mackay’s Moral:   Short speeches often deliver big messages.

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Sales techniques that work as hard as you do

Whether you run your own business or work for a company in a sales-related role, you’re always looking for sales techniques that work.  I’ve developed and learned many over the years from readers providing great advice.

One person advised me to ask yes and yes questions.  He worked for Hyatt and asked himself, “What else can I do for Hyatt?”  Then it hit him – “Increase the average check price.”

He said:  “Restaurants are always looking to grow the average amount of money their diners spend.  Usually, they do this by pushing wine and other alcoholic beverages, and dessert.  But those weren’t options for a place that served so much breakfast.  I was going to have to be more creative.

“The impressive fresh-squeezed orange juice maker we had … gave me an idea.  I had just learned about the “Yes or Yes” theory at a sales seminar.  I put a big display of oranges outside the entrance to the restaurant, and while guests were lined up to get in, I had a waitress ask each customer if they would like coffee or juice.  Little room for a “no” in that question.

“As it happened, most people said, ‘Both.’  Pretty soon, the coffee or juice proposition became standard operating practice at all Hyatt coffee shops – along with the welcoming display of fresh oranges.  Never ask a person a Yes or No question when it could be Yes or Yes instead.”

My good friend Brandon Steiner, founder and owner of one of the largest memorabilia dealers in the country, Steiner Sports, has another good suggestion.  And I might add, one that I’ve used quite often.

Say you’re having a tough time getting a meeting with someone – a potential client, investor or mentor.  You try everything:  persistent calls, emails, tweets, carrier pigeon.  But nothing works. 

This happened to Brandon a couple years ago when he was trying to get a meeting with a bigwig at a bank in Midtown Manhattan.   He figured since his target was a New Yorker, he might be a Yankees fan, so he called Mr. Big’s assistant.  Before she could pass him to voicemail for the umpteenth time, Brandon learned he was a huge admirer of Yankees reliever Mariano Rivera.  With that news, Brandon saw the light.  He immediately sent Mr. Big an empty baseball case with a note attached.

It read:  “I heard you love Mariano Rivera.  Here’s a case for a Mariano-signed baseball.  When you and I meet within the next two weeks, I’ll bring you the ball.”

Wouldn’t you know it?  Mr. Big called Brandon that day, and they met the next week. 

A florist celebrating its hundredth year in business explained its success as staying in touch with customers.  The owner “has one employee responsible for sending out reminders of who-sent-what-to-whom last year at a particular time, and many repeat orders are generated by this simple call.”

I am inspired by Elbert Hubbard, a very successful soap salesperson who retired in 1894 at age 35. He lived by this credo:

“I believe in myself.  I believe in the goods I sell.  I believe in the firm for whom I work.  I believe in my colleagues and helpers.  I believe in American business methods.  I believe in producers, creators, manufacturers, distributors, and in all industrial workers of the world who have a job and hold it down.  I believe that truth is an asset.  I believe in good cheer and good health, and I recognize the fact that the first requisite in success is not to achieve the dollar or to confer a benefit, but that the reward will come automatically and usually as a matter of course.  I believe in sunshine, fresh air, spinach, applesauce, laughter, buttermilk, babies, and chiffon, always remembering that the greatest word in the English language is sufficiency.  I believe that when I make a sale, I make a friend.  And I believe that when I part with a person, I must do it in such a way that when they see me again, they will be glad and so will I.  I believe in the hands that work, in the brains that think, and in the hearts that love.”

Mackay’s Moral:   Don’t just make a sale, make a friend.

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Decide to be a decision maker

A confused young man went to a psychiatrist.  The psychiatrist intently listened to his patient and then offered his insight.

“It appears to me you have trouble making decisions.  Would you agree?”

The young man pondered for a moment and then responded, “Well, yes and no.”

Many people struggle with making decisions.  Whether the issue is personal or professional, the inability to decide on a course of action can ruin relationships or careers.

“Inability to make decisions is one of the principal reasons executives fail,” said leadership guru John Maxwell.  “Deficiency in decision-making ranks much higher than lack of specific knowledge or technical know-how as an indicator of leadership failure.”

Remember the time-tested adage:  Not to make a decision is a decision.  Or as the always entertaining Yogi Berra put it, “When you come to a fork in the road, take it.”

To make better decisions, or to teach employees to do so, try this counterintuitive approach:  Assume that whatever decision you make will be wrong.  If you have a choice between several options, just ask yourself which alternative you would regret most.

This will help you identify the option that, even if wrong, would cause you the fewest problems.  You may not arrive at the perfect answer, but you’ll at least identify the decision you can live with most comfortably.

Here’s a perfect example.  General Dwight Eisenhower struggled mightily with the timing for D-Day because he could not make up his mind about the best moment for the attack.  The strategy had been planned for years, but it came down to the weather conditions.  The airborne attack needed a full moon and the navy needed low tide. 

He had teams of meteorologists advising him, who determined that June 5 would be disastrous because of a looming storm.  The weight of the decision was enormous for the more than 150,000 Allied troops involved. 

Finally, he came to a decision to postpone the operations for a day.  “No matter what the weather looks like, we have to go ahead now.  Waiting any longer could be even more dangerous.  So let’s move it.”   As the history books tell us, the June 6, 1944, attack marked a historic shift in World War II.

Few of us will ever face such a momentous decision.  But for many day-to-day problems, we must recognize that there is a point at which we need to take a leap of faith, because there comes a point after that when the right decision becomes the wrong decision because it was made too late.

Consider these basic strategies for making good decisions most of the time:

List the pros and cons.  This is a time-honored practice, but it’s still useful.  Document the reasons for and against each option.  Don’t make it an election – one strong factor on the “yes” side can outweigh a dozen items on the “no” side.  Sort out the issues and determine which way the facts and your emotions point.


Take other people’s reactions and needs into account.  You might not make everyone happy, but you want people to know you didn’t ignore their feelings.  Warning:  What’s popular isn’t always right, and what’s right isn’t always popular!


Visualize the work.  Develop a step-by-step list of what you’ll actually need to do to reach your objective, and then picture yourself doing it.  Will you be happy (or at least satisfied) along the way? 


Start with a small step.  Before implementing a decision, try working on one specific aspect of it.  Can you do a good job?  Or do you suddenly notice problems you hadn’t anticipated?  A test run can tell you a lot about whether or not a course of action is right for you.


Don’t waste time.  Take action once you’re confident you’ve acquired the information you need.


Be decisive.  Stick to your decision once you’ve made it.  Change it only if the situation shifts.  Take responsibility for your decisions.


Rely on your values.  It is so much easier to make decisions when you have values that help you set guidelines for your decision-making.      

You will occasionally second-guess yourself, and you might make a bad decision from time to time.  But Robert H. Schuller’s sage advice will help you:  “Never make your most important decisions when you are in your worst moods.  Wait.  Be patient.  The storm will pass.”

Mackay’s Moral:   A good decision is the best thing you’ll ever make.

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Take a few minutes to learn the 2-minute drill

I could fill volumes about chance meetings that have changed people’s lives, led to jobs, business opportunities, partnerships, new ideas . . . all because people sought other people with similar interests.

The secret is to seek them out.

Every time I’m in a line, on a plane, at a sporting event, wherever … I introduce myself.  I’ve met some of my best customers on a plane, resulting in millions of dollars in business.  You always have to have your antennae up.

I think this is one of the biggest mistakes people make.  They don’t introduce themselves when they have an opportunity.  It seems like no one talks to anyone anymore.  Social media is a wonderful tool, but it shouldn’t be the only tool in your toolbox.  There is no substitute for personal interaction.

You’ve heard me expound on the notion that our lives basically change in two ways – the books we read and the people we meet.  I hammer that message home every time I speak to a group.  I also tell the audience that the people on your left, right, front and back, might be more important in building an effective network than any speaker you will hear over a lifetime.  Your network will have a tremendous impact on your net worth.

I’m not the only one who thinks that way.  Warren Buffet, the billionaire investment genius, claims, “If you improve your communication skills, I will guarantee you that you will earn 50 percent more money over your lifetime.”

When I speak I share a time-tested exercise to help develop communication skills – the two-minute drill.  I did this two-minute drill for the first time in my hometown of Minneapolis in the early ’90s with 1,000 people in the audience.  Within two weeks, I received over 35 letters and cards telling me that thanks to the drill they were either doing business with the person they met or had a high probability of doing business with them.  And I’d bet there were plenty of others who struck oil but didn’t bother to write.  This exercise is meaningful because almost invariably my mail tells me that it really “jump starts” the habit of networking.

Here’s how the drill works:  I ask the audience to look around and ask someone they don’t know to be their partner.  When the whistle blows, they have two minutes to tell that person everything about themselves that they regard as worth telling.  A total of two minutes for background, achievement, hopes, dreams, goals, hobbies, marriage, children, frustrations over the hometown team’s latest trade – everything they can think of.

When the two minutes are up, the whistle blows again, and it’s the other person’s turn.  It’s amazing what you can learn about another person in just two minutes.

I’ll be out of their lives and back home on my deck before the day is over.  But the person they just met might be in their lives forever.

Get out and get to know people all around you.  Volunteer work.  Political clubs.  Hobby groups.  Service clubs.  Church groups.  Industry associations.  Extension courses.  The internet.  The outernet… whatever.

By doing your own “two-minute drill” once a day, you’ll meet at least 365 new contacts in just a year’s time.  Isn’t that worth a two-minute investment each day?

In football, if you mess up the two-minute drill there is a very good chance you’ll lose the game.  In networking, if you mess up the two-minute drill there is a very good chance you will miss a major opportunity.

I learned this first-hand on a flight.  I was on my way to do a speech, and I wasn’t as prepared as I wanted to be, so I planned on using the time on the plane to make revisions, instead of networking.  So, when the woman next to me tried to strike up a conversation, I smiled and told her I was working on deadline.  Finally, about 10 minutes before we were to land, I finished my work.  I put away my briefcase, and offered my hand to introduce myself and really looked at my seatmate for the first time.

She looked familiar.  She looked very familiar.  She looked a lot like Diane Sawyer of ABC News.  In fact … she was Diane Sawyer.

I missed my “Prime Time” with Diane Sawyer.  It may be a while before I get another chance.  Maybe never.

Mackay’s Moral:  When you expand your network, you expand your opportunities. 

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Stop procrastinating before it stops you

Procrastination is a thief.  It robs you of the one commodity that you just can’t buy back:  time.  It throws off schedules.  It replaces accomplishment with inaction.  It turns dreams into nightmares.

When faced with a task that you just don’t want to do, many of us simply put it off until tomorrow.  That’s why tomorrow is often the busiest day of the week.  And one of these days become none of these days.

Putting off an unpleasant task until tomorrow simply gives you more time for your imagination to make a mountain out of a possible molehill . . . more time for anxiety to sap your self-confidence.

Most of us can relate to occasional bouts of procrastination – the phone call you have been dreading to place, the project that you just can’t get excited about, the meeting that you should have scheduled two weeks ago.  But why can’t we just get in gear?

Thomas A. Harris, author of “I’m OK, You’re OK,” said there are three things that give people the “wantivation” to change:  They must hurt sufficiently, they must experience despair or boredom, or they must suddenly discover they can change.

He explained, “Until one of these three is realized, any excuse not to change will suffice.  As Mark Twain once said, ‘Why put off until tomorrow that which you can put off until the day after tomorrow?’”

Dr. Gail Saltz, author of “Becoming Real:  Defeating the Stories We Tell Ourselves That Hold Us Back,” says that 20 percent of Americans are considered “chronic procrastinators.”  But it’s not about laziness, it’s about fear, she says.  Among the reasons:

Fear of failure.  Are you so paralyzed by the fear of failure that you’d rather just not try at all?


Fear of success.  Do you think that if you succeed at something then the bar will be set so high that you will never reach it again?  Or are you afraid that you don’t deserve success?


A need to be defiant.  Is life generally a battle for control?  Are you taking a passive-aggressive approach to control by procrastinating?


A thrill-seeker procrastinator.  Are you trying to avoid the boredom of daily tasks?  Does boredom terrify you?  Do you need to create a crisis to keep things interesting?

Understanding procrastination will help you break the paralyzing habit of putting off what you need to do.  Then you can begin to make the changes that will help you tackle your work with more determination.

Start prioritizing so you won’t get overwhelmed.  Create to-do lists and figure out what’s important.  As the old saying goes, “Well begun is half done.”  Knowing what you need to do is not enough.  You need to plan to track your progress.

Then do just one step.  Gather some preliminary information, call one person, or figure out what tools you need.  Once you’ve completed that task, give yourself permission to do something else.  In many cases, once you’ve begun you’ll be more inclined to keep on working.  Even if you don’t, you’ll be one step closer to success when you come back to the task later.

I find it helpful to set a deadline, even when the project isn’t time-sensitive.  That way, there’s nothing hanging over my head that is cluttering up the rest of my workload.  I also write down my to-do list so that I can focus on one item at a time.

Procrastination is a problem at all levels.  Charles M. Schwab, who founded Bethlehem Steel Company in 1904, was a master of his schedule.  He made it a practice of investing five minutes each day analyzing the problems he should tackle the next day.  He would write down those tasks in the order of priority.

When he arrived at his office the next morning, he would start with the top issue on his list and move on in order.  “This is the most practical lesson I’ve ever learned,” he claimed, and shared this example to prove his point:  “I had put off a phone call for nine months, so I decided to list it as my number one task on my next day’s agenda.  That call netted a $2 million order.”

I’m not sure what that would translate to in today’s economy, but I’d be happy with a $2 million order any day!  Make the call!

Mackay’s Moral:   Overcoming procrastination helps your to-do list become your all-done list.

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Parents take on the hardest job

The Boy Scouts were at camp.  In an inspection, the director found an umbrella neatly rolled inside the bedroll of a small Scout.  An umbrella was not listed as a necessary item, so the director asked the boy to explain.

“Sir,” answered the young man with a weary sigh, “did you ever have a mother?”

Everyone has heard of Mother’s Day and Father’s Day, but do you know about Parents’ Day?  In 1994 U.S. President Bill Clinton established Parents’ Day as the fourth Sunday in July for “recognizing, uplifting and supporting the role of parents in rearing of children.”  This year, Parents’ Day is on Sunday, July 23.

I always end my columns with a moral that wraps up the message in a tidy little package.  These lessons are kind of like that:  you get the gist without any extra words.  This kind of education will especially bring back memories to baby boomers and older, who can attest to the tremendous “home schooling” we received.  As I look back on things, moms and dads got their points across, often in a humorous way.

I can’t claim credit for them, and the authorship (perhaps Bert Christensen?) is variously attributed on the web.  But they are gems, and in the middle of the long, hot summer, a little humor might brighten your day.  Here goes:

My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.  “If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside.  I just finished cleaning.” 

My mother taught me RELIGION.  “You better pray that will come out of the carpet.”

My father taught me about TIME TRAVEL.  “If you don’t straighten up, I’m going to knock you into the middle of next week!”

My father taught me LOGIC.  “Because I said so, that’s why.”

My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.  “If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you’re not going to the store with me.”

My mother taught me FORESIGHT.  “Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you’re in an accident.”

My father taught me IRONY.  “Keep crying, and I’ll give you something to cry about.”

My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.  “Shut your mouth and eat your supper.”

My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.  “Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!”

My mother taught me about STAMINA.  “You’ll sit there until all that spinach is gone.”

My mother taught me about WEATHER.  “This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.”

My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.   “If I told you once, I’ve told you a million times.  Don’t exaggerate!”

My father taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.  “I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.”

My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.  “Stop acting like your father!”

My mother and father taught me about GRATITUDE.  “There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don’t have wonderful parents like you do.”

My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.  “Just wait until we get home.”

My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.  “If you don’t stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way.”

My father taught me HUMOR.  “When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me.”

My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.  “If you don’t eat your vegetables, you’ll never grow up.”

My father taught me WISDOM.  “When you get to be my age, you’ll understand.”

And my favorite:  My parents taught me about JUSTICE.  “One day you’ll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!”

Humor aside, parents are smart.  Despite what their children think, they have been around the block a time or two and know what they are doing.

Let me close with an old story about a king who had a beautiful ring and three sons who each wanted the ring.  When the king died, he left three rings for his sons and a note that said, “My dear sons, one of these rings is real, and two are fake.  The way you will know who has the real ring is that the son with the real ring will be kind and generous to all people.”

Each of the three sons spent the rest of his life being good to others to prove that he had the real ring.

Mackay’s Moral:   A child’s life is really determined by just how hard his mother and father work at being parents.

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The best lessons are short, sweet and useful

Readers of this column are remarkable when it comes to telling me what they like most about my weekly musings.  Of course, I’m honored when they tell me they have posted my words on company bulletin boards or used the lessons as motivation.

But without question, the most frequent feedback I get is that the column-ending morals are a very useful summation of the message.  Occasionally I compile a list of my favorite morals from the past couple of years.  Be my guest to share them!

Whatever you’re selling, you’re selling yourself first.


Don’t presume what you assume is correct.


If you live by a great value system, your life will have great value.


Accountability is the ability to accept responsibility.


You are only as happy as you decide to be.


To be a standout, you must stand for only your best.


Some of the best lessons we ever learned, we learned from our mistakes and failures.


A sense of humor is almost as important as our other five senses.


Be respectful or be regretful.


Don’t let excess stress get in the way of extreme success.


Teamwork divides the task and multiplies the success.


Even if you can’t achieve perfection, you should never stop trying.


Unhappiness always seeks to get.  Happiness always seeks to give.


If you want to have the time of your life, make the most of your minutes.


Great brainstorms should produce plenty of en-lightning!


If you are persistent, you will get it.  If you are consistent, you will keep it.


Clean up your act, or be prepared to clean out your desk.


Your job is always to make someone else’s job easier.


You can’t buy confidence, but you can sell it!


Parents teach lessons even when they think no one is watching.


You are only one question away from success, if it’s the right question.


Negotiation is not just about winning, it’s about win-win.


A little hiccup won’t end your career, but be careful not to let it choke you.


Confidence is keeping your chin up.  Overconfidence is sticking your neck out.


Optimists are people who make the best of it when they get the worst of it.


Persuasion is an art.  The tongue can paint what the eye can’t see. 


Talk is cheap, but misunderstandings can be costly.


Let curiosity turn “I don’t know” into “I want to find out.”


The biggest mistake you can make is pretending that you didn’t make one. 


When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at often change.


When you talk to yourself, make sure you listen carefully.


Don’t let your fears get in your head – get ahead of them.


Take control of your attitude before it takes control of you.


Don’t worry about what you could do if you lived your life over; get busy with what’s left.


A little spark can lead to a blazing success.


You don’t have to uproot the whole tree to turn over a new leaf.


Vision without action is a daydream.  Action without vision is a nightmare.


Optimal customer service is not optional.


Don’t let your mood turn into your doom.


The hardest sale you’ll ever make is to yourself.  But once you’re convinced you can do it, you can.


When life tests your mettle, nothing succeeds like an iron will.


Solving employee turnover is easier when they own a piece of the pie.


Selling isn’t rocket science – it’s people science. 


Humor is more than funny business.


The friendships you cultivate will help you grow.


It’s just as easy to look for the good things in life as the bad.


Make your stumbling blocks your stepping stones.


Admitting your own weaknesses is a sign of strength.


Hope is what allows us to remember yesterday’s disappointments and still look forward to tomorrow. 

Mackay’s Moral:   Don’t just make a living, make a life worth living.

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Don’t give up on your dreams

J.C. Penney, founder of the retail giant that bears his name, once evaluated one of his young clerks, stating he “wasn’t thorough and wouldn’t have much of a future in the retail business.”  The employee?  Sam Walton, founder of Wal-Mart.

Despite Penney’s hopeless prediction, Sam Walton built the largest retail empire in the world.  The opinions of honest, well-intentioned people can sometimes be off the mark.  Don’t let misguided judgments keep you from pursuing your dreams.

I love to read about people throughout history who were told they couldn’t do something, or wouldn’t amount to anything and then achieved great success.  Never give up your dreams just because someone said something negative about you.  It doesn’t matter what anyone says; the only thing that matters is what you say and do and think about your ability.

Throughout my life I’ve taken it to heart when someone doubts me or says I can’t really do something.  First I examine myself and evaluate if I think they are right or wrong.  And if I think they are wrong, just stand back and watch my determination grow.

When I thought about running my first marathon at age 56, many of my friends thought I was crazy.  I’ve completed 10 marathons to date and two half-marathons the last two years.

Naysayers said I couldn’t buy this struggling, tiny, rundown envelope manufacturing company and turn it into anything.  Dozens of years later we’re not just in business still, we’re thriving.

If you have a dream that is reachable, and you really want something and are willing to work to achieve it, the sky is the limit.  History has shown us this many times.

Michael Jordan was cut from his high school basketball team.  He was later named the greatest athlete of the 20th Century by ESPN.

Barbra Streisand’s Broadway debut opened and closed on the same night. 

One of Mark Cuban’s first jobs out of college was as a salesman at a computer store. However, he was more interested in cultivating new business than running a cash register.  After he failed to open the store one day because he was busy with a potential client, his managers cut him loose.  That was the last time he ever worked for someone else.  Shortly after his termination, Cuban started his first company, MicroSolutions.  Since then, he’s made billions of dollars.

Lucille Ball was told by the head instructor of the John Murray Anderson Drama School, “Try another profession.  Any other.”

John F. Kennedy lost the election to be President of his freshman class at Harvard.  He failed to win a post on the student council as a sophomore and later dropped out of Stanford Business School.

Steven Spielberg’s mediocre grades prevented him from getting accepted to UCLA film school.

Barbara Walters was told to “stay out of television” in 1957 by a prominent producer. 

Bob Dylan was booed off the stage at his high school talent show.

Randy Travis was rejected by every major record label twice. 

Michael Bloomberg was fired as a partner at Salomon Brothers, which eventually became Citigroup, and used his hefty severance check to start Bloomberg Communications, one of the country’s greatest companies.  He is one of the richest people in the world and, of course, became the mayor of New York City.

Julia Child and two collaborators signed a publishing contract in 1953 to produce a book tentatively titled French Cooking for the American Kitchen.  They worked on the book for five years.  The publisher rejected the 850-page manuscript.  Child and her partners worked for another year totally revising the manuscript, only to be rejected again.  She and her collaborators went back to work, found a new publisher, and in 1961 they published “Mastering the Art of French Cooking,” which has sold more than 1 million copies.

Social media has provided seemingly unlimited opportunities for testing your dreams. Musicians and performers credit YouTube for launching careers.  Writers self-publish and promote their works through a variety of platforms.  Start-up companies have Facebook connections that broadcast their messages to audiences they could never have imagined reaching.

In short, technology has become a productive partner in dreaming.    

The only thing stopping you from living out your dreams is you.  It takes determination, motivation, confidence, desire, patience, perseverance and hard work.  If you can muster all those elements, you will be unstoppable. 

Mackay’s Moral:  You must be wide awake to make your dreams come true.

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