Michelle Hauck's Blog, page 89
November 13, 2014
Fall First Hop Critique 3
I'll give a shot at some first page comments. Keep in mind that feedback on a first page is subjective by nature. What does and does not catch the eye is going to vary by person. Each writer must weigh the comments they get against their own judgement and make the changes that resonate with them.
Anyone with a finished or unfinished manuscript is welcome to join until November 14th. Go here to join.Random number generator picks 17!
Here is the first page without comments:Genre: YA Science Fiction (historical-type setting)
My rope arced up through the moonlit night and slid down the wooden fence. Again. Damn.
The sound of panting echoed through the empty yard beyond the eight-foot fence—the blacksmith's dog must have heard me. I coiled the rope and tossed it a third time. Finally, it caught the top of the post. I yanked it several times to test the strength, then braced my feet against the planks and scrambled up.
At the top, the points of the planks dug into my torso as I twisted the rope around so it would fall into the yard and provide me an escape route. The big, black mutt stood silently at the bottom, gazing up at me, sniffing for the treat I'd brought him. Or smelling me. By now, we were old friends. He hadn't barked at me in weeks.
I held onto the top of the fence and dangled my legs into the yard, wood scraping my hands as I fell onto my backside. When I stood, I wiped my palms on my thighs. Barely a scratch, no big deal.
The dog whined softly, and I pulled my ration of meat for this week out of my pocket. My mouth watered, but I tossed it to the dog. A small price for a glimpse of freedom. The chicken wing and breast disappeared in seconds.
The fence cast deep shadows where I stood, so I moved out into the yard, straining to glimpse silver or black in the sand.
And with my crazy comments:
Genre: YA Science Fiction (historical-type setting) (Not sure what a historical type setting would be for science fiction.)
My rope arced up through the moonlit night and slid down the wooden fence to land at my feet?. Again. Damn. (like how they experience failure right off the bat.)
The sound of panting echoed through from the empty yard beyond the eight-foot fence—the blacksmith's dog must have heard me. I coiled the rope and tossed it a third time. Finally, Luck.(or something voicy.) It caught the top of the post. I yanked it several times to test the strength, then braced my feet against the planks and scrambled up.
At the top, the points of the planks (slats instead of planks?) dug into my torso as I twisted the rope around so it would fall into the yard and provide me an escape route. The big, (Many times commas aren't put between an adjective and a color anymore. My test is can you reverse the order of the adjectives and it still makes sense/sounds right. If you can't reverse them, then no comma.) black mutt stood silently at the bottom, gazing gazed (silent can be implied) up at me, sniffing for the treat I'd brought him. Or smelling (scenting?) me. By now, we were old friends. He hadn't barked at me in weeks.
I held onto the top of the fence and dangled my legs into the yard, wood scraping my hands as I fell onto my backside. When I stood, I wiped wiping my palms on my thighs. Barely a scratch, no big deal.
The dog whined softly, and I pulled my ration of meat for this week out of from my pocket. (If that's all they get for a week, what do they give the dog the rest of the time. Or are the visits only weekly? Just idle thoughts.) My mouth watered, but I tossed it to the dog. A small price for a glimpse of freedom. The chicken wing and breast disappeared in seconds. (Their life must not be so bad if they get chicken.)
The fence cast deep shadows where I stood, so I moved out into the yard, straining to glimpse silver or black in the sand. (feels awkward. ) The fence cast deep shadows, forcing me to move out into the yard to glimpse silver or black in the sand.
Pretty strong entry that does raise curiosity.I felt like there should be another word after 'silver or black.' There's a fine line between making someone curious and leaving someone too much in the dark. And to me, it needed more explanation at that point. Silver and black what?Also I'm wondering about the science fiction. I'm guessing that's why the addition to the genre, because there's nothing futuristic about this page. I'm assuming it's in the query which makes it not a problem.
Anyone with a finished or unfinished manuscript is welcome to join until November 14th. Go here to join.Random number generator picks 17!
Here is the first page without comments:Genre: YA Science Fiction (historical-type setting)
My rope arced up through the moonlit night and slid down the wooden fence. Again. Damn.
The sound of panting echoed through the empty yard beyond the eight-foot fence—the blacksmith's dog must have heard me. I coiled the rope and tossed it a third time. Finally, it caught the top of the post. I yanked it several times to test the strength, then braced my feet against the planks and scrambled up.
At the top, the points of the planks dug into my torso as I twisted the rope around so it would fall into the yard and provide me an escape route. The big, black mutt stood silently at the bottom, gazing up at me, sniffing for the treat I'd brought him. Or smelling me. By now, we were old friends. He hadn't barked at me in weeks.
I held onto the top of the fence and dangled my legs into the yard, wood scraping my hands as I fell onto my backside. When I stood, I wiped my palms on my thighs. Barely a scratch, no big deal.
The dog whined softly, and I pulled my ration of meat for this week out of my pocket. My mouth watered, but I tossed it to the dog. A small price for a glimpse of freedom. The chicken wing and breast disappeared in seconds.
The fence cast deep shadows where I stood, so I moved out into the yard, straining to glimpse silver or black in the sand.
And with my crazy comments:
Genre: YA Science Fiction (historical-type setting) (Not sure what a historical type setting would be for science fiction.)
My rope arced up through the moonlit night and slid down the wooden fence to land at my feet?. Again. Damn. (like how they experience failure right off the bat.)
The sound of panting echoed through from the empty yard beyond the eight-foot fence—the blacksmith's dog must have heard me. I coiled the rope and tossed it a third time. Finally, Luck.(or something voicy.) It caught the top of the post. I yanked it several times to test the strength, then braced my feet against the planks and scrambled up.
At the top, the points of the planks (slats instead of planks?) dug into my torso as I twisted the rope around so it would fall into the yard and provide me an escape route. The big, (Many times commas aren't put between an adjective and a color anymore. My test is can you reverse the order of the adjectives and it still makes sense/sounds right. If you can't reverse them, then no comma.) black mutt stood silently at the bottom, gazing gazed (silent can be implied) up at me, sniffing for the treat I'd brought him. Or smelling (scenting?) me. By now, we were old friends. He hadn't barked at me in weeks.
I held onto the top of the fence and dangled my legs into the yard, wood scraping my hands as I fell onto my backside. When I stood, I wiped wiping my palms on my thighs. Barely a scratch, no big deal.
The dog whined softly, and I pulled my ration of meat for this week out of from my pocket. (If that's all they get for a week, what do they give the dog the rest of the time. Or are the visits only weekly? Just idle thoughts.) My mouth watered, but I tossed it to the dog. A small price for a glimpse of freedom. The chicken wing and breast disappeared in seconds. (Their life must not be so bad if they get chicken.)
The fence cast deep shadows where I stood, so I moved out into the yard, straining to glimpse silver or black in the sand. (feels awkward. ) The fence cast deep shadows, forcing me to move out into the yard to glimpse silver or black in the sand.
Pretty strong entry that does raise curiosity.I felt like there should be another word after 'silver or black.' There's a fine line between making someone curious and leaving someone too much in the dark. And to me, it needed more explanation at that point. Silver and black what?Also I'm wondering about the science fiction. I'm guessing that's why the addition to the genre, because there's nothing futuristic about this page. I'm assuming it's in the query which makes it not a problem.
November 12, 2014
The Submission Call with Holly Jennings
This is the best kind of story ever! And I think Mike, SC, and I are all begging for copies when Holly's book is released! (Hint, hint, I have a kindle or paperback would be fine.) Thank you Holly for giving us a little insight into what submission is like from an author's viewpoint.
Did anyone else see summer this year? I think I blinked when it whizzed by. In fact, the entire year soared past but it turned out to be one that would change my life.
In September 2013, I started writing a novel about a Chinese-American girl kicking butt and taking names inside a virtual reality tournament. In May 2014, I entered QueryKombat and by August I had an agent. We started submissions less than two weeks later.
If you think you check your email a lot when submitting to agents, trust me, it goes to a level never before known by mankind when editors come into the picture. I half expected the computer itself to pop up a message that said: STOP ALREADY.
The cure? Work on another book. Focus on something different than the one on submission. While I recommend having a synopsis of a sequel or possible series ready in case the editor asks, it's also a good idea to have a separate book in progress in case your first doesn't sell. The submission process can be an agonizing process, maybe even more so than the hunt for an agent. Luckily for me, it didn't take long. I had a book deal by the end of September.
Things don't normally move this fast. This is a story of serendipity.
Somewhere at the crossroads of fairy dust and destiny (or more likely my agent's superpower skills), my sci-fi novel about video games and Chinese culture landed in the lap of an editor who (get this) loves science fiction, video games, and Chinese culture.
BAM!
My agent called me at home on a Friday. Normally, I'm not at home on Fridays but I had this particularly Friday off (and he didn't even know that!) See the theme here?
"We have interest from an editor at Ace."
At least, I think that's what he said. There were angels singing, so he was a bit muffled. Almost all the genre books I read are published by Ace. They take up a good portion of my bookcase. In fact, they take up a good portion of my house. When I didn't think it could get any better, I found out the name of the editor, who edits -- wait for it...
My. Favorite. Series. Ever.
I got an email from the editor the following week saying she'd like to talk and was wondering if I'd be available during the day. Usually I work an 8-5 job, but serendipitously (see? SEE?), the following Monday was a Canadian holiday. She would be at work, and I'd be at home. We had the call. Yes, after having the call with my agent, I had another with the editor. This was something unexpected for me, but I'm so glad it happened. Between gaming and ComicCon, we geeked it up on the phone for a good hour. When it came to possible edits, we were on the exact same page. In fact, some of the changes she mentioned were tweaks I'd already made myself and was going to discuss with her. She ended the call by saying how excited to work with me. No, no, no. It was the other way around, I assured her. She must have missed her morning coffee.
So, while edits and everything else that follows won't begin until next year and I'm currently deep at work on the sequel, I'm happy to say I've signed a two-book deal with Ace Books and will be working with Anne Sowards (editor of the Dresden Files - Squee!)
Again, big thanks to Michelle, Mike, and SC for hosting QueryKombat, which started me down this path. More thanks to the mentors, judges, and other contestants (because you guys just plain rock). And, of course, thanks to my uber agent Leon Husock for bringing in the deal and being awesome in general.
---------------------------------------------------------
BIO: Holly Jennings is a member of SF Canada and writes from her home in Tecumseh, Ontario. Her debut novel Virtual Rebel is forthcoming from Ace Books early 2016. For more, check out her website atwww.hnjennings.com or follow her as she attempts to understand Twitter @HollyN_Jennings.
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Did anyone else see summer this year? I think I blinked when it whizzed by. In fact, the entire year soared past but it turned out to be one that would change my life.
In September 2013, I started writing a novel about a Chinese-American girl kicking butt and taking names inside a virtual reality tournament. In May 2014, I entered QueryKombat and by August I had an agent. We started submissions less than two weeks later.
If you think you check your email a lot when submitting to agents, trust me, it goes to a level never before known by mankind when editors come into the picture. I half expected the computer itself to pop up a message that said: STOP ALREADY.
The cure? Work on another book. Focus on something different than the one on submission. While I recommend having a synopsis of a sequel or possible series ready in case the editor asks, it's also a good idea to have a separate book in progress in case your first doesn't sell. The submission process can be an agonizing process, maybe even more so than the hunt for an agent. Luckily for me, it didn't take long. I had a book deal by the end of September.
Things don't normally move this fast. This is a story of serendipity.
Somewhere at the crossroads of fairy dust and destiny (or more likely my agent's superpower skills), my sci-fi novel about video games and Chinese culture landed in the lap of an editor who (get this) loves science fiction, video games, and Chinese culture.
BAM!
My agent called me at home on a Friday. Normally, I'm not at home on Fridays but I had this particularly Friday off (and he didn't even know that!) See the theme here?
"We have interest from an editor at Ace."
At least, I think that's what he said. There were angels singing, so he was a bit muffled. Almost all the genre books I read are published by Ace. They take up a good portion of my bookcase. In fact, they take up a good portion of my house. When I didn't think it could get any better, I found out the name of the editor, who edits -- wait for it...
My. Favorite. Series. Ever.
I got an email from the editor the following week saying she'd like to talk and was wondering if I'd be available during the day. Usually I work an 8-5 job, but serendipitously (see? SEE?), the following Monday was a Canadian holiday. She would be at work, and I'd be at home. We had the call. Yes, after having the call with my agent, I had another with the editor. This was something unexpected for me, but I'm so glad it happened. Between gaming and ComicCon, we geeked it up on the phone for a good hour. When it came to possible edits, we were on the exact same page. In fact, some of the changes she mentioned were tweaks I'd already made myself and was going to discuss with her. She ended the call by saying how excited to work with me. No, no, no. It was the other way around, I assured her. She must have missed her morning coffee.
So, while edits and everything else that follows won't begin until next year and I'm currently deep at work on the sequel, I'm happy to say I've signed a two-book deal with Ace Books and will be working with Anne Sowards (editor of the Dresden Files - Squee!)
Again, big thanks to Michelle, Mike, and SC for hosting QueryKombat, which started me down this path. More thanks to the mentors, judges, and other contestants (because you guys just plain rock). And, of course, thanks to my uber agent Leon Husock for bringing in the deal and being awesome in general.
---------------------------------------------------------
BIO: Holly Jennings is a member of SF Canada and writes from her home in Tecumseh, Ontario. Her debut novel Virtual Rebel is forthcoming from Ace Books early 2016. For more, check out her website atwww.hnjennings.com or follow her as she attempts to understand Twitter @HollyN_Jennings.
November 11, 2014
Fall First Hop Critique 2
I'll give a shot at some first page comments. Keep in mind that feedback on a first page is subjective by nature. What does and does not catch the eye is going to vary by person. Each writer must weigh the comments they get against their own judgement and make the changes that resonate with them.
Anyone with a finished or unfinished manuscript is welcome to join until November 14th. Go here to join.Random number generator picks 11!
Here is the first page without comments:Adult ThrillerThe Drought of Sam DakotaA missed court appearance early in the morning and an emergency custody hearing later in the day sent Sam’s planned day into the crapper. Practically before the judge’s gavel came down, he sprinted from the courthouse. Kansas City’s bumper-to-bumper rush hour hadn’t prevented him getting home before Danny got off the school bus. Not once since Kate died, had he failed to get home. He pulled into the driveway, slammed the truck into park, and leapt out. He hollered Danny’s name as he entered, pausing long enough to glance at the wood floor where his son always dropped his Spiderman backpack. Sam had tripped over it too many times to count.The wide planks gleamed, unmarred by black and red.He looked at his watch. 4:45. The bus always arrived by 3:50. “Danny!” The dining room and kitchen were empty. No apple or glass of milk, no sign of snacking. On the back porch, he searched the corners of the yard. Humidity caused wisps of hair to curl around his face, and he swiped them back. It hadn’t been easy scheduling his court cases early in the day, but he’d made it a priority after Kate died. Now what?There was no boy smell, no stinky shoes, no fresh from outdoors odors. No mud or dirt in evidence.
And with my crazy comments:Adult ThrillerThe Drought of Sam DakotaA missed court appearance early in the morning and an emergency custody hearing later in the day sent Sam’s planned day into the crapper. Really long sentence to start and it's telling. I'd start with him moving and then give this bit of tell. Practically before the judge’s gavel came down, he sprinted from the courthouse. Kansas City’s bumper-to-bumper rush hour hadn’t wouldn't prevented him getting home before Danny got off the school bus. Not once since Kate died, had he failed to get home. He pulled into the driveway, slammed the truck into park, and leapt out. (Don't start with 'he' again.) Inside, he hollered Danny’s name as he entered, pausing long enough to glance at the wood floor where his son always dropped his Spiderman backpack. Sam had tripped over it (A place for voice.) the dang thing too many times to count.The wide planks gleamed, unmarred by black and red any school books. Maybe a little too fancy.He looked at hHis watch showed 4:45. The bus always (You used 'always' a few sentences ago. 'By' already says always.)arrived by 3:50. “Danny!” The dining room and kitchen were empty. No apple core or empty glass of milk, no sign of snacking. On From the back porch, he searched the corners of the yard. Humidity caused wisps of (girly) hair to curl around against his face (sounds too girly), and he jabbed swiped (again girly) them back. It hadn’t been easy (get rid of that 'it hadn't' for more active verbs.) No matter the difficulties, he made it a priority to scheduleing his court cases early in the day, but he’d made it a priority after since Kate died. (You've already said since Kate died. Why not change it a little? Since the accident? Since the funeral?) Now what?There was No boy smell greeted him, no stinky shoes, no fresh from outdoors odors. (You covered smell twice already. I'd go with something else at the end here. Maybe no crooked smile?) No mud or dirt in evidence.
I like this a lot. Something is happening already. There is a reason for us to be curious. And we already know a lot about the personality of the main character and a little about Danny. He likes outside. He leaves his stuff lying around. What I don't like so much is starting out with the tell for a first sentence, even though it has a nice hook at the end. The length of that sentence put me off somewhat. I'd maybe make it the second or third sentence and put some action first--like driving through traffic or running out of the courthouse. That's a subjective call so feel free to ignore. I hope this helps.
Anyone with a finished or unfinished manuscript is welcome to join until November 14th. Go here to join.Random number generator picks 11!
Here is the first page without comments:Adult ThrillerThe Drought of Sam DakotaA missed court appearance early in the morning and an emergency custody hearing later in the day sent Sam’s planned day into the crapper. Practically before the judge’s gavel came down, he sprinted from the courthouse. Kansas City’s bumper-to-bumper rush hour hadn’t prevented him getting home before Danny got off the school bus. Not once since Kate died, had he failed to get home. He pulled into the driveway, slammed the truck into park, and leapt out. He hollered Danny’s name as he entered, pausing long enough to glance at the wood floor where his son always dropped his Spiderman backpack. Sam had tripped over it too many times to count.The wide planks gleamed, unmarred by black and red.He looked at his watch. 4:45. The bus always arrived by 3:50. “Danny!” The dining room and kitchen were empty. No apple or glass of milk, no sign of snacking. On the back porch, he searched the corners of the yard. Humidity caused wisps of hair to curl around his face, and he swiped them back. It hadn’t been easy scheduling his court cases early in the day, but he’d made it a priority after Kate died. Now what?There was no boy smell, no stinky shoes, no fresh from outdoors odors. No mud or dirt in evidence.
And with my crazy comments:Adult ThrillerThe Drought of Sam DakotaA missed court appearance early in the morning and an emergency custody hearing later in the day sent Sam’s planned day into the crapper. Really long sentence to start and it's telling. I'd start with him moving and then give this bit of tell. Practically before the judge’s gavel came down, he sprinted from the courthouse. Kansas City’s bumper-to-bumper rush hour hadn’t wouldn't prevented him getting home before Danny got off the school bus. Not once since Kate died, had he failed to get home. He pulled into the driveway, slammed the truck into park, and leapt out. (Don't start with 'he' again.) Inside, he hollered Danny’s name as he entered, pausing long enough to glance at the wood floor where his son always dropped his Spiderman backpack. Sam had tripped over it (A place for voice.) the dang thing too many times to count.The wide planks gleamed, unmarred by black and red any school books. Maybe a little too fancy.He looked at hHis watch showed 4:45. The bus always (You used 'always' a few sentences ago. 'By' already says always.)arrived by 3:50. “Danny!” The dining room and kitchen were empty. No apple core or empty glass of milk, no sign of snacking. On From the back porch, he searched the corners of the yard. Humidity caused wisps of (girly) hair to curl around against his face (sounds too girly), and he jabbed swiped (again girly) them back. It hadn’t been easy (get rid of that 'it hadn't' for more active verbs.) No matter the difficulties, he made it a priority to scheduleing his court cases early in the day, but he’d made it a priority after since Kate died. (You've already said since Kate died. Why not change it a little? Since the accident? Since the funeral?) Now what?There was No boy smell greeted him, no stinky shoes, no fresh from outdoors odors. (You covered smell twice already. I'd go with something else at the end here. Maybe no crooked smile?) No mud or dirt in evidence.
I like this a lot. Something is happening already. There is a reason for us to be curious. And we already know a lot about the personality of the main character and a little about Danny. He likes outside. He leaves his stuff lying around. What I don't like so much is starting out with the tell for a first sentence, even though it has a nice hook at the end. The length of that sentence put me off somewhat. I'd maybe make it the second or third sentence and put some action first--like driving through traffic or running out of the courthouse. That's a subjective call so feel free to ignore. I hope this helps.
November 10, 2014
Fall First Hop Critique 1
I'll give a shot at some first page comments. Keep in mind that feedback on a first page is subjective by nature. What does and does not catch the eye is going to vary by person. Each writer must weigh the comments they get against their own judgement and make the changes that resonate with them.
Here is the first page without comments:
Adult Paranormal Mystery
Celina’s grin widened after the flash of lightning illuminated through the night sky. The thunder that followed made the window she held onto vibrate. The sound of the rain pounded against the windows in the kitchen as she continued to look out into the storm. Her husband, Thomas, moved toward her and wrapped his arms around her waist.
“You shouldn’t stand so close to the window,” he said with a gentle tone.
“Did you feel the house shake?”
“Another reason not to be so close to glass then.” He leaned his mouth in the nape of her neck and kissed her gently.
“Yes, boss.”
He chuckled and let her go. Celina moved into the living room just as another lightning flashed outside, and made the large room look infested with shadowy monsters. She went to the television and turned it on. As she sat on the couch, she pressed the rubbery buttons on the remote, surfing across the channels. She let her thumb hang in midair when she found an old black and white horror movie, and set the remote next to her.
“What's playing?” Thomas called out from the kitchen.
“Something as fun as what’s going on outside.” She grinned - she really did love horror movies.
He came into the living room and looked from the television to Celina; his blue eyes always such a vivid color. Celina's own eyes - gray - were pale, and she often joked that nature had forgotten to color in her irises.
And with my crazy comments:
Adult Paranormal Mystery
Celina’s grin widened after with the flash of lightning illuminatinged through the night sky. Reads a little awkward. And 'through' is an unneeded word. The thunder that followed vibratedmade the window she held. onto vibrate. Vibrate is a more interesting verb than 'made.' The sound of the Rain pounded against the windows in the kitchen as she continued to look out into at the storm. Her husband, Thomas, moved toward her and wrapped his arms around her waist.
“You shouldn’t stand so close to the window,” he her husband said with a gentle tone. I think wrapping her in a hug implies gentle.
“Did you feel the house shake?”
“Another reason not to be so close to glass then.” Keep your dialogue spare. People chop off words when they speak. He leaned his mouth in to the nape of(I might cut 'nape of') her neck and kissed her gently.
“Yes, boss.”
He chuckled and let her go. Celina moved into the living room just Really be aware that just is a useless word in most cases. as another lightning strike flashed Feels like a word is missing. outside, and made infused the large Not an important adjective. room look infested with shadowy monsters. She went to the television and turned it on. Too much did this then did that. I think they will assume she turned it on. As She sat on the couch, she pressinged the rubbery buttons on the remote, surfing across the channels. She let her thumb hang in midair when she found (filtering) at an old black and white horror movie, and set the remote next to her.
“What's playing?” Thomas called out from the kitchen. Another unneeded word.
“Something as fun as what’s going on outside (change 'as what's going on outside' to the weather?) .” She grinned - she really did love horror movies.
He came into the living room and looked from the television to Celina; his blue eyes always such a vivid color. Celina's own eyes - gray - were pale, Celena's own eyes were so pale grayand she often joked that nature had forgotten to color in her irises. I don't think we need to know this yet. It doesn't really raise the stakes or make the page end on something curious or exciting. I'd push this down a little in your chapter. You want to end with a bang (literally in this case as the story is paranormal :-)
I like the storm, and it's great that not much description is wasted on it, but it's painted vividly. I like the unhurried pace. I like the little detail that she loves horror movies and the word 'boss.' But it's a little dull if intended to catch an eye in a contest.
All that is here is an everyday scene of life. There's nothing to raise curiosity, except maybe the color of her eyes. There's nothing to make us want to know what happens next. A couple is watching TV late at night. Could there be a noise? Something to raise a bigger question about their personalities? Something to raise suspicion? Otherwise it doesn't really stand out.
I hope this helps!
Here is the first page without comments:
Adult Paranormal Mystery
Celina’s grin widened after the flash of lightning illuminated through the night sky. The thunder that followed made the window she held onto vibrate. The sound of the rain pounded against the windows in the kitchen as she continued to look out into the storm. Her husband, Thomas, moved toward her and wrapped his arms around her waist.
“You shouldn’t stand so close to the window,” he said with a gentle tone.
“Did you feel the house shake?”
“Another reason not to be so close to glass then.” He leaned his mouth in the nape of her neck and kissed her gently.
“Yes, boss.”
He chuckled and let her go. Celina moved into the living room just as another lightning flashed outside, and made the large room look infested with shadowy monsters. She went to the television and turned it on. As she sat on the couch, she pressed the rubbery buttons on the remote, surfing across the channels. She let her thumb hang in midair when she found an old black and white horror movie, and set the remote next to her.
“What's playing?” Thomas called out from the kitchen.
“Something as fun as what’s going on outside.” She grinned - she really did love horror movies.
He came into the living room and looked from the television to Celina; his blue eyes always such a vivid color. Celina's own eyes - gray - were pale, and she often joked that nature had forgotten to color in her irises.
And with my crazy comments:
Adult Paranormal Mystery
Celina’s grin widened after with the flash of lightning illuminatinged through the night sky. Reads a little awkward. And 'through' is an unneeded word. The thunder that followed vibratedmade the window she held. onto vibrate. Vibrate is a more interesting verb than 'made.' The sound of the Rain pounded against the windows in the kitchen as she continued to look out into at the storm. Her husband, Thomas, moved toward her and wrapped his arms around her waist.
“You shouldn’t stand so close to the window,” he her husband said with a gentle tone. I think wrapping her in a hug implies gentle.
“Did you feel the house shake?”
“Another reason not to be so close to glass then.” Keep your dialogue spare. People chop off words when they speak. He leaned his mouth in to the nape of(I might cut 'nape of') her neck and kissed her gently.
“Yes, boss.”
He chuckled and let her go. Celina moved into the living room just Really be aware that just is a useless word in most cases. as another lightning strike flashed Feels like a word is missing. outside, and made infused the large Not an important adjective. room look infested with shadowy monsters. She went to the television and turned it on. Too much did this then did that. I think they will assume she turned it on. As She sat on the couch, she pressinged the rubbery buttons on the remote, surfing across the channels. She let her thumb hang in midair when she found (filtering) at an old black and white horror movie, and set the remote next to her.
“What's playing?” Thomas called out from the kitchen. Another unneeded word.
“Something as fun as what’s going on outside (change 'as what's going on outside' to the weather?) .” She grinned - she really did love horror movies.
He came into the living room and looked from the television to Celina; his blue eyes always such a vivid color. Celina's own eyes - gray - were pale, Celena's own eyes were so pale grayand she often joked that nature had forgotten to color in her irises. I don't think we need to know this yet. It doesn't really raise the stakes or make the page end on something curious or exciting. I'd push this down a little in your chapter. You want to end with a bang (literally in this case as the story is paranormal :-)
I like the storm, and it's great that not much description is wasted on it, but it's painted vividly. I like the unhurried pace. I like the little detail that she loves horror movies and the word 'boss.' But it's a little dull if intended to catch an eye in a contest.
All that is here is an everyday scene of life. There's nothing to raise curiosity, except maybe the color of her eyes. There's nothing to make us want to know what happens next. A couple is watching TV late at night. Could there be a noise? Something to raise a bigger question about their personalities? Something to raise suspicion? Otherwise it doesn't really stand out.
I hope this helps!
November 7, 2014
Fall 1st Page Critique Blog Hop
Hey everyone! Ready for more fun?
I'm going to give a blog hop of 1st Page Critiques a try! Everyone is welcome to join if you have a blog and a 1st page: Beginning writers to the published and agented!
Here's how it will work:
Post your first page onto your blog. It can be any genre or age category, but please list this crucial information at the top. Keep your first page to no more than 250 words, give or take a few. (That's a few. Not ten.) No indents and put space between paragraphs. Example:
YA Epic Fantasy
Ramiro guided his horse to the waiting ranks of the pelotón, taking his position at the back of the long file of riders along the dusty road. Sweat slicked his palms inside his leather gloves. He maneuvered Sancha into position by carefully sidestepping the mare. In their rightful place, he laid the reins across his knee, signaling to the grito de guerra warhorse that he’d be using his legs to guide her, not the leather straps.
Ramiro wedged his feet in the stirrups as Alvito moved his mount alongside, pinning Ramiro between himself and Gomez. “Don’t look so pale,” Alvito said with a grin. “You’ll not earn your beard this day.” He stroked his own neatly sculpted black whiskers, adding a wink to cut the sting of his words.
From Ramiro’s other side, Sergeant Gomez gave him a playful push with a fist the size of a ham. The force would have knocked Ramiro off his saddle, if he hadn’t locked his legs. Gomez’s beard was a study in opposites from Alvito. A nest of brambles to his chest, his hair grew wherever it could sprout. “You’ll stay the bisoño until we tell you otherwise, kiddo.”
“Peach face,” someone said. A gentle ribbing to let Ramiro know they remembered his first real ride.
First ride. First time as something other than a trainee squire brought along to clean armor or mind the warhorses. First chance to earn his beard and be considered a man. Bare chin or not, he was a part of it now.
Take the url link from your post and add it to the linky list below. Use the list to critique the five people above and below your listing. If you are number 6 then you would feedback numbers 1,2,3,4,5,7,8,9,10,11 on the list. Please leave constructive criticism, but also say what you like about the piece. Don't worry if it's not your genre, just do your best to give your thoughts.
Of course you may also get super enthused and critique more than ten entries. Feel free to jump around and help out as much as you can!
Bonus: I will randomly choose entries from the linky list to feedback on my blog. (A few a week.) Please watch for these entries and leave additional feedback here. If no one else comments, I will cease and desist these bonus critiques.
You are welcome to update your 1st page post with revisions. The linky list will remain open through November 14th. After that time, you may not join. The bonus critiques will not include everyone. I will do as many as I can while still having time for my own editing.
If you fail to critique the five entries above and below your spot, well... that's sad and I'm sure karma will know.
Need more critiques? Advertise your willingness to give to get feedback on twitter under the hashtag #Fall1stHop
The fun starts immediately!
An InLinkz Link-up
I'm going to give a blog hop of 1st Page Critiques a try! Everyone is welcome to join if you have a blog and a 1st page: Beginning writers to the published and agented!
Here's how it will work:
Post your first page onto your blog. It can be any genre or age category, but please list this crucial information at the top. Keep your first page to no more than 250 words, give or take a few. (That's a few. Not ten.) No indents and put space between paragraphs. Example:
YA Epic Fantasy
Ramiro guided his horse to the waiting ranks of the pelotón, taking his position at the back of the long file of riders along the dusty road. Sweat slicked his palms inside his leather gloves. He maneuvered Sancha into position by carefully sidestepping the mare. In their rightful place, he laid the reins across his knee, signaling to the grito de guerra warhorse that he’d be using his legs to guide her, not the leather straps.
Ramiro wedged his feet in the stirrups as Alvito moved his mount alongside, pinning Ramiro between himself and Gomez. “Don’t look so pale,” Alvito said with a grin. “You’ll not earn your beard this day.” He stroked his own neatly sculpted black whiskers, adding a wink to cut the sting of his words.
From Ramiro’s other side, Sergeant Gomez gave him a playful push with a fist the size of a ham. The force would have knocked Ramiro off his saddle, if he hadn’t locked his legs. Gomez’s beard was a study in opposites from Alvito. A nest of brambles to his chest, his hair grew wherever it could sprout. “You’ll stay the bisoño until we tell you otherwise, kiddo.”
“Peach face,” someone said. A gentle ribbing to let Ramiro know they remembered his first real ride.
First ride. First time as something other than a trainee squire brought along to clean armor or mind the warhorses. First chance to earn his beard and be considered a man. Bare chin or not, he was a part of it now.
Take the url link from your post and add it to the linky list below. Use the list to critique the five people above and below your listing. If you are number 6 then you would feedback numbers 1,2,3,4,5,7,8,9,10,11 on the list. Please leave constructive criticism, but also say what you like about the piece. Don't worry if it's not your genre, just do your best to give your thoughts.
Of course you may also get super enthused and critique more than ten entries. Feel free to jump around and help out as much as you can!
Bonus: I will randomly choose entries from the linky list to feedback on my blog. (A few a week.) Please watch for these entries and leave additional feedback here. If no one else comments, I will cease and desist these bonus critiques.
You are welcome to update your 1st page post with revisions. The linky list will remain open through November 14th. After that time, you may not join. The bonus critiques will not include everyone. I will do as many as I can while still having time for my own editing.
If you fail to critique the five entries above and below your spot, well... that's sad and I'm sure karma will know.
Need more critiques? Advertise your willingness to give to get feedback on twitter under the hashtag #Fall1stHop
The fun starts immediately!
An InLinkz Link-up
Getting the Call with Melissa Caruso
Welcome back to the blog Melissa! So happy that something you learned here helped you on your way to an agent! The bumpy road can make the journey so much sweeter. And wonderful that the call came after you had given up!
And for those interested in a critique such as what Melissa suffered through learned from, good news! I'll be doing a series of first page critiques starting next week! Watch for a sign up sheet this weekend.
The hardest part of writing this story is knowing when to start, because I’ve been writing since I could pick up a crayon. This particular book’s odyssey began a couple years ago, when I decided to try writing a middle grade novel. I’d previously written mostly YA fantasy, but I was reading a lot of MG with my kids and loving it, so I wanted to give it a go.
After seven drafts and multiple rounds of CP and beta reader feedback, I was ready. My hopes were high as I fired off a bunch of queries to agents an author friend had recommended. While I waited to hear back, I thought hey, maybe I should also check out some of those online resources she also recommended.
If I’d done that first, this might have been a much shorter story. I fell down the rabbit hole into the online writing community and found myself exploring a Cave of Wonders full of amazing advice, cool resources, and incredibly helpful people. I cringed as I discovered newbie mistakes I’d made in the query I’d already sent to too many agents, and sighed over all sorts of opportunities I’d missed. But it wasn’t too late to start doing things right — so I got feedback on my query, shined it up, and entered some contests.
I didn’t get my agent from a contest. But I can tell you confidently that if it weren’t for contests, I wouldn’t have an agent. Contests helped me hone my query and first page, introduced me to fellow writers who gave me amazing feedback, and provided a look at how incredibly good the competition is out there (which I found heartening and instructive on so many levels). I did get requests from one contest as well, but the feedback and support were the real prizes.
My big turning point came when I took advantage of a query & first 250 workshop Michelle was kindly hosting on this very blog. Michelle and the others who gave me feedback all said the same thing: your voice is YA, not MG. This mirrored advice I got from the amazing Tatum Flynn when she kindly critiqued my novel. I found myself facing a dilemma: should I revise the book from MG to YA?
It would be a ton of work, and it might not go anywhere. But then I realized if I turned a low-key MG crush in the book into a full-blown YA romance, it would raise the stakes through the roof because of certain plot twists involving the love interest. I started to get really excited. I did the revision, reworked the query, and changed the name to JANUARY IN SHADOW.
When I started querying again, I got way more requests than I had for the MG version. My hard work had paid off! But at the same time, I worried my big revelation had come too late. I’d already queried a lot of my best fit agents with the MG version, and it was still basically the same book — I couldn’t query them again. To take my mind off the stress of of waiting, I focused on my new WIP.
And it swept me away. I became convinced this new book was the one. I stopped querying JANUARY and mentally wrote it off, even though I still had several fulls and partials in agent hands and was working on an R&R. This new book was better, I was in love, and this time I was going to do it right. No more newbie mistakes.
I submitted the new novel to PitchWars, and was thrilled to be selected as a mentee. Goal one in my new plan, check! I got a couple more requests for JANUARY IN SHADOW a few days after getting into PitchWars, but sent them off distractedly — they didn’t matter, because I could see the flaws in my old book too clearly now and was head over heels for the new one.
But then one of the requesting agents sent me an email, less than 3 hours after I sent her my full. She said she was a third of the way through and loved it so far, and asked about the revisions I’d mentioned I was working on.
I started to panic. I’d sent this query two months ago, and had given up on the agent before she sent the full request — I actually had her down as Closed/No Response on my spreadsheet. My brain was so wrapped up in the new book that I could hardly remember what the old one was about. And besides, how could she love JANUARY? What about all those flaws I was planning on dealing with in my R&R? What about my new book? This wasn’t part of my plan!
The next day — less than 24 hours after I sent her the full — the agent emailed me asking for a phone call. This was my cue to run around flailing my arms. I hadn’t even had time to do deep, next-level research on this agent, because I’d assumed she’d take months with my full like everyone else. What about the new book, and my perfect plans for it? What about PitchWars? I wasn’t mentally prepared for this at all.
And that’s actually what saved me. You see, I’m terrified of the phone, and I tend to babble incoherently. In the past, whenever I fantasized about The Call, it turned quickly from a dream to a nightmare in which I sounded like a crazy person and did nothing but make stupid jokes and apologize endlessly. I didn’t see how I could possibly get through a phone call with a real live agent without making a complete idiot of myself. But I hadn’t completed my mental whiplash enough to have the huge level of investment in The Call that would have paralyzed me — my brain was still off in New Book Land. I had a great Plan B (which had been Plan A until a few hours ago), so if I blew it, really, nothing terrible would happen. I went in feeling almost detached.
But that changed quickly. The agent had so much enthusiasm for my book. She wanted it to be published even more than I did (which was a bizarre and wonderful realization). She had great insight into ways to make it better, and clearly had a strong understanding of the target audience. She was easy to talk to, open, dedicated, and everything I wanted in an agent.
She was relatively new, and I used to think back when I started querying that I wanted a highly experienced agent. But everything I’d learned since then told me the enthusiasm and commitment this agent had for my book was worth its weight in gold, and better for me than an agent with tons of clients for whom I’d be a mere drop in their huge bucket of awesome. Soon after informing the other agents considering my book of the offer, I got restless for the grace period to be over so I could sign with her and make official what I already knew in my heart.
I’m thrilled to report that I am now represented by Naomi Davis of Inklings Literary!
And now I’m just as excited about my revisions for JANUARY IN SHADOW as I was about that new book (though it’s definitely next in line). Letting go gave me the perspective I needed to pick it back up again and make it really shine.
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Melissa Caruso was born on the summer solstice and went to school in an old mansion with a secret door, but despite this auspicious beginning has yet to develop any superpowers. She graduated with honors in Creative Writing from Brown University and has an MFA in Fiction from the University of Massachusetts - Amherst. Melissa writes YA fantasy and is represented by Naomi Davis of Inklings Literary.
Website: http://melissacaruso.netTwitter: @melisscaru
And for those interested in a critique such as what Melissa suffered through learned from, good news! I'll be doing a series of first page critiques starting next week! Watch for a sign up sheet this weekend.
The hardest part of writing this story is knowing when to start, because I’ve been writing since I could pick up a crayon. This particular book’s odyssey began a couple years ago, when I decided to try writing a middle grade novel. I’d previously written mostly YA fantasy, but I was reading a lot of MG with my kids and loving it, so I wanted to give it a go.
After seven drafts and multiple rounds of CP and beta reader feedback, I was ready. My hopes were high as I fired off a bunch of queries to agents an author friend had recommended. While I waited to hear back, I thought hey, maybe I should also check out some of those online resources she also recommended.
If I’d done that first, this might have been a much shorter story. I fell down the rabbit hole into the online writing community and found myself exploring a Cave of Wonders full of amazing advice, cool resources, and incredibly helpful people. I cringed as I discovered newbie mistakes I’d made in the query I’d already sent to too many agents, and sighed over all sorts of opportunities I’d missed. But it wasn’t too late to start doing things right — so I got feedback on my query, shined it up, and entered some contests.
I didn’t get my agent from a contest. But I can tell you confidently that if it weren’t for contests, I wouldn’t have an agent. Contests helped me hone my query and first page, introduced me to fellow writers who gave me amazing feedback, and provided a look at how incredibly good the competition is out there (which I found heartening and instructive on so many levels). I did get requests from one contest as well, but the feedback and support were the real prizes.
My big turning point came when I took advantage of a query & first 250 workshop Michelle was kindly hosting on this very blog. Michelle and the others who gave me feedback all said the same thing: your voice is YA, not MG. This mirrored advice I got from the amazing Tatum Flynn when she kindly critiqued my novel. I found myself facing a dilemma: should I revise the book from MG to YA?
It would be a ton of work, and it might not go anywhere. But then I realized if I turned a low-key MG crush in the book into a full-blown YA romance, it would raise the stakes through the roof because of certain plot twists involving the love interest. I started to get really excited. I did the revision, reworked the query, and changed the name to JANUARY IN SHADOW.
When I started querying again, I got way more requests than I had for the MG version. My hard work had paid off! But at the same time, I worried my big revelation had come too late. I’d already queried a lot of my best fit agents with the MG version, and it was still basically the same book — I couldn’t query them again. To take my mind off the stress of of waiting, I focused on my new WIP.
And it swept me away. I became convinced this new book was the one. I stopped querying JANUARY and mentally wrote it off, even though I still had several fulls and partials in agent hands and was working on an R&R. This new book was better, I was in love, and this time I was going to do it right. No more newbie mistakes.
I submitted the new novel to PitchWars, and was thrilled to be selected as a mentee. Goal one in my new plan, check! I got a couple more requests for JANUARY IN SHADOW a few days after getting into PitchWars, but sent them off distractedly — they didn’t matter, because I could see the flaws in my old book too clearly now and was head over heels for the new one.
But then one of the requesting agents sent me an email, less than 3 hours after I sent her my full. She said she was a third of the way through and loved it so far, and asked about the revisions I’d mentioned I was working on.
I started to panic. I’d sent this query two months ago, and had given up on the agent before she sent the full request — I actually had her down as Closed/No Response on my spreadsheet. My brain was so wrapped up in the new book that I could hardly remember what the old one was about. And besides, how could she love JANUARY? What about all those flaws I was planning on dealing with in my R&R? What about my new book? This wasn’t part of my plan!
The next day — less than 24 hours after I sent her the full — the agent emailed me asking for a phone call. This was my cue to run around flailing my arms. I hadn’t even had time to do deep, next-level research on this agent, because I’d assumed she’d take months with my full like everyone else. What about the new book, and my perfect plans for it? What about PitchWars? I wasn’t mentally prepared for this at all.
And that’s actually what saved me. You see, I’m terrified of the phone, and I tend to babble incoherently. In the past, whenever I fantasized about The Call, it turned quickly from a dream to a nightmare in which I sounded like a crazy person and did nothing but make stupid jokes and apologize endlessly. I didn’t see how I could possibly get through a phone call with a real live agent without making a complete idiot of myself. But I hadn’t completed my mental whiplash enough to have the huge level of investment in The Call that would have paralyzed me — my brain was still off in New Book Land. I had a great Plan B (which had been Plan A until a few hours ago), so if I blew it, really, nothing terrible would happen. I went in feeling almost detached.
But that changed quickly. The agent had so much enthusiasm for my book. She wanted it to be published even more than I did (which was a bizarre and wonderful realization). She had great insight into ways to make it better, and clearly had a strong understanding of the target audience. She was easy to talk to, open, dedicated, and everything I wanted in an agent.
She was relatively new, and I used to think back when I started querying that I wanted a highly experienced agent. But everything I’d learned since then told me the enthusiasm and commitment this agent had for my book was worth its weight in gold, and better for me than an agent with tons of clients for whom I’d be a mere drop in their huge bucket of awesome. Soon after informing the other agents considering my book of the offer, I got restless for the grace period to be over so I could sign with her and make official what I already knew in my heart.
I’m thrilled to report that I am now represented by Naomi Davis of Inklings Literary!
And now I’m just as excited about my revisions for JANUARY IN SHADOW as I was about that new book (though it’s definitely next in line). Letting go gave me the perspective I needed to pick it back up again and make it really shine.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Melissa Caruso was born on the summer solstice and went to school in an old mansion with a secret door, but despite this auspicious beginning has yet to develop any superpowers. She graduated with honors in Creative Writing from Brown University and has an MFA in Fiction from the University of Massachusetts - Amherst. Melissa writes YA fantasy and is represented by Naomi Davis of Inklings Literary.
Website: http://melissacaruso.netTwitter: @melisscaru
November 5, 2014
Cover Reveal for HEARTSICK
Quinn is looking forward to her senior year. She has big plans to hang out with her best friend Mandy, flirt with cute boy-genius Rashid, party at her favorite dive bar, and figure out what she’s going to do after graduation with her not-so-useful art major degree. But that is before she meets Luke, a hot townie who moves back home to help take care of his dying sister. And it is before the weird epidemic that starts sweeping campus in which people’s eyes mysteriously turn purple. Is it an odd side effect from a new party drug? Is it a rogue bacteria that was developed in a campus lab? Whatever it is, tensions are heating up as the town starts blaming the university, and the student religious group is convinced that it’s the mark of the devil. Quinn and Luke are caught in the middle, especially when Quinn learns that Luke isn’t just a happy-go-lucky, redneck boy-next-door—he is a detective—a fact that triggers Quinn’s phobia of guns and memories of her deceased uncle. In spite of herself and her desire to remain unattached and independent, Quinn finds herself falling for him. But when town and gown relations heat up even further, and Quinn’s friend Danny mysteriously falls to his death, Quinn vows to discover the truth behind the epidemic. As she searches for the people responsible, she realizes that sometimes to gain your independence, you have to be willing to give a little bit of it up.
Excerpt
“Did you go to college?” His jaw is tight. “Yes.”“Do you think I could guess your major?” I ask. “Probably not,” he says.I don’t like that I don’t even get a hint at what he did before or what he studied. I shrug, start on my second hotdog and then lean back, really aiming for a glint in my eye, if that’s possible to control. I’ll make this a game. “Well, do you think you can guess mine?”He smiles. “Do I get something if I guess right?”I hop up onto a stool and let the tip of my toe brush against his knee. When I make contact, he starts, before leaning in. “What do you want?”“I want a lot of things…” He stares at me. “But for now, I’d settle for a second date.”“Okay, if you can guess my major, on the first try—” I emphasize that bit with a pointed finger, “—then I’ll reluctantly agree to go out with you again.”“I don’t like the reluctant part, but I’ll take what I can get. Now, let’s see…” He rubs his chin as though he’s an old-timey detective. He’s ready to pace back and forth across the room with a pipe and a deerstalker hat. “You like photography.”Shit, he does know that. I start to hum the Jeopardy!theme song. Maybe if time is running out he’ll be more likely to guess quickly and get it wrong? Do I want him to get it wrong?“Okay, I got it.” He rubs his hands together. “You’re an art major.” His cheeks swell with the weight of his smile. “You got that just because I take pictures?” I rub my forehead. “I know more than that.”“Someone told you,” I say. “If this bet was rigged, it doesn’t count.”He jerks back and shakes his head, frowning. “No, I wouldn’t do that,” he says. “I noticed you had some pottery on your coffee table, with initials on it, a Q. B.?”I nod. He’s talking about the bowl I made last year. Initials usually go on the bottom, but I painted them big and proud in the middle. And the bowl is empty. Mandy and I haven’t decided what to put in it. We narrowed it down to fake fruit (lame), M&M’S (which we would devour) or Micro Machines. Clearly, we’re leaning toward Micro Machines.Luke takes my hand. I think he’s trying to convey his earnestness, his respectability and seriousness of not tricking me into a bet. The pads of my fingers brush against his rough palms and I suppress a sigh. His thumb runs along my pointer finger, sliding to the fingernail. “You also have paint under your nails.” His victorious, smug smile is in full bloom. I pull my hand away, embarrassed. “Yeah, it’s hard to get all the paint off.”“I’m sure,” he says.
Links
Website Goodreads Amazon Barnes & Noble Kobo -----------------------------------------------------------------------
Caitlin Sinead’s debut novel will be published by Carina Press in 2015. Her writing has also appeared (or is forthcoming) in The Alarmist, The Binnacle, Jersey Devil Press, and Northern Virginia Magazine, among other publications. She earned a master’s degree in writing from Johns Hopkins University. She tweets at @CaitlinSineadJ.
November 4, 2014
Review of CATCH ME WHEN I FALL
Recruited at his death to be a Protector of the Night, seventeen-year-old Daniel Graham has spent two-hundred years fighting Nightmares and guarding humans from the clawed, red-eyed creatures that feed off people’s fears. Each night, he risks his eternal life, having given up his chance at an afterlife when he chose to become a Protector. That doesn’t stop a burnt-out Daniel from risking daring maneuvers during each battle. He’s become one of the best, but he wants nothing more than to stop.
Then he’s given an assignment to watch over sixteen-year-old Kayla Bartlett, a clinically depressed patient in a psychiatric ward. Nightmares love a human with a tortured past. Yet, when they take a deep interest in her, appearing in unprecedented numbers, the job becomes more dangerous than any Daniel’s ever experienced. He fights ruthlessly to keep the Nightmares from overwhelming his team and Kayla. Soon, Daniel finds himself watching over Kayla during the day, drawn to why she’s different, and what it is about her that attracts the Nightmares. And him.
A vicious attack on Kayla forces Daniel to break the first Law and reveal his identity. Driven by his growing feelings for her, he whisks her away to Rome where others like him can keep her safe. Under their roof, the Protectors discover what Kayla is and why someone who can manipulate Nightmares has her in his sights. But before they can make a move, the Protectors are betrayed and Kayla is kidnapped. Daniel will stop at nothing to save her. Even if it means giving up his immortality.
Find Catch Me When I Fall Online:
Goodreads | Amazon US| Amazon UK | Barnes & Noble My Review:
I expected this to be like so many other paranormal books, and was so surprised. First off the main character is a man. Seventeen-year-old Daniel is one of a large group who protect their assigned humans from Nightmares. In another surprise, the Nightmares take the form of vicious creatures instead of the usual ghosts! Daniel is assigned to Kayla as her protector only to find that the number of Nightmares assaulting her far surpasses the normal number. Another twist from the normal, the 'special' one isn't the main character, but Kayla.
Besides the plot twists, what made this book stand out for me was the depth of the characters. They weren't flat stereotypes, but flesh and blood with real likes and dislikes. Daniel had a great voice and will be very attractive to female readers. He comes across as, well, male and as a strong person who is full of determination. Unlike so many other male leads, he wasn't interested to the point of blindness in Kayla, but still had time for his job and his friends. I especially appreciated that Daniel actually suffered and was injured, that made the action even more real.
The end keep up a fast pace and left me guessing. Characters stepped up. Other characters proved less than loyal. Without giving anything away, there were just a lot of well-written, believable action scenes.
My only gripe would be that Kayla cried too much. But as she wasn't the main character, that can totally be passed over.
I highly recommend Catch Me When I Fall for an entertaining read.
I received my copy for Curiosity Press for an honest review.
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About The Author:
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Adopted at three-days-old by a construction worker and a stay-at-home mom, Vicki Leigh grew up in a small suburb of Akron, Ohio where she learned to read by the age of four and considered being sent to her room for punishment as an opportunity to dive into another book. By the sixth grade, Vicki penned her first, full-length screenplay. If she couldn’t be a writer, Vicki would be a Hunter (think Dean and Sam Winchester) or a Jedi. Her favorite place on earth is Hogwarts (she refuses to believe it doesn’t exist), and her favorite dreams include solving cases alongside Sherlock Holmes.Vicki is an editor for Curiosity Quills Press and is represented by Sarah Negovetich of Corvisiero Literary Agency.Find Vicki Leigh Online:Website | Facebook | Twitter | Goodreads
November 3, 2014
Submission 101- Literary Agent Submission to Editors
So you've earned the support of a literary agent. Someone fell in love with your story and has agreed to sell it to editors at publishing houses. What happens with your book next? How do editors get your story and what does an agent actually do? This no doubt varies by agents, but I'll try to share the details I've learned from my own and from speaking with other authors. Hopefully others who have been through it will chime in if their experience differs.
Once you sign a contract with an agent, whether that be for one particular book or for your whole career, the first thing that usually happens is revisions. Your agent will have suggestions for making your book more appealing to editors. They'll take their experience on what is marketable and share that with you to shape your book and get it into the best shape possible. Of course, that also means fixing typos, writing structure, and big picture items. You're taking your already very clean manuscript and bringing it to its shiny best. This process can be anywhere from a week to months depending on the amount of work involved.
When your manuscript is ready, the next step is putting together an editor list. Your agent will study editors and the "want" lists from different publishers and their imprints. He/she will take a look at what each publisher has bought lately and what genre/topics interest particular editors. Then your agent will take your query letter--or sometimes start from scratch depending on the agent--and craft a pitch letter.
During the submission process, you've gone from querying to pitching, though the concept remains the same--enticing attention for your story. Bad news folks, you still need a query letter and synopsis even after you have an agent. You want to give as much help to your agent as possible so they can come up with the strongest pitch letter. That means tight paragraphs about what is unique with your characters and plot, and who knows that information better than the author. In other words a query letter.
And certain publishers do request a synopsis (just like certain agents), so your agent will need one written by you to send with your submissions. (Total bummer, I know.) The synopsis never die, it just gets more crucial.
At this point some agents will telephone or otherwise meet with an editor to gauge interest. Other agents simply email the pitch letter and whatever else the editor requires be sent--pages or synopsis--in order to get started. You've entered the first round stage. Just like in querying, agents send small batches of around ten pitches at a time. Usually, the first round aims at large imprints and might throw in a medium print or two.
Your agent should show your the list your manuscript has gone out to, including the editor names. Now you can either obsess by searching out those editors on the internet and following them on social media, or you can try and keep it cool and aloof and wait for news. Your agent should warn you (or common sense should do this) that you are not to contact or bother said editors. Your job is to wait.
Also if you have a preference for a particular publisher, you can share this with your agent. He/she is most likely happy to research that publisher and find the right editor to send your submission. Just don't go shouting about 'your favorites' in public. In fact, don't talk about submission at all in public. You want the best possible outcome and that means keeping everything quiet and not getting in your agent's way.
And so you're waiting. In my own experience the majority of editors respond in just a few days--either they will ask for more or reject because they have something too similar. (Obviously if your agent called editors first, your submission moves right to what in querying is considered a full request.) There are basically no partials in submission. Editors either want to see the whole manuscript or they reject it outright for various reasons.
Unlike querying the request rate at this stage is usually close to 90 percent. That's because your agent has done their research and editors figure this is submitted by an agent, the manuscript is worth seeing. There will be the odd editor who never responds to the pitch. It happens. People are busy. Your agent will nudge and eventually write-off no response pitches.
Now you are waiting patiently and nervously, trying not to check your email inbox every two seconds. The roller coaster has started and it has higher hills and sharper curves than querying. This time control is out of your hands and you must have faith and trust your agent. Not always easy to do. Expect to have times when you patience vanishes and you absolutely MUST know what is happening. Do your best to put that energy elsewhere. Try and hold your concentration enough to work on a new story or go run circles around the neighborhood. Speak privately to your CP. Eat chocolate. Whatever works for you to stay calm.
Some editors will respond quickly, some not so much. At the one month mark, you agent should give a polite nudge just as reminder. At this point editors are reading and deciding whether to acquire. To acquire your manuscript, they must pass you up the food chain, so to speak. They must take you before the acquisitions board where your story will be read by others and evaluated about its marketability. Many people will now read it and 'vote' yes or no. Is it worth while financially to acquire this story? Will the sales be high enough? The higher your story goes, the longer the whole process will take. Thus no news is good news is actually true.
Somewhere along this line, you might be asked to do some revisions so the story can be consider all over again. You'll have your agent's help as to whether the revisions are worth doing or not and how serious the publishers is about acquiring if they are done. I've seen authors say that even after the revisions, that publisher rejected the story, so consider carefully.
Your agent should forward responses from editors to you or possibly just give you parts of what they have received. You can let your agent know if you prefer not to know the details of bad news or if you prefer to have it only sent to you once a month. Either way, decide together what type of communication you prefer. Do you want to know all the results or do you want to wait for good news?
Most passes from editors are very kind and full of compliments. It might not be what they're seeking or they might have something too similar. Some might give more specifics and others might be vague. There's often not much to guide you or your agent in what could be changed or improved upon.
If no publishers decide to acquire on the first round, then your agent will send another round of pitch letters to new imprints. There are usually three or four months months in between rounds. And even after a second or third round is sent, there may still be editors considering from earlier rounds. The whole submission process can take a year or longer of sending out pitches and waiting to hear from editors. And there is no guarantee. Some stories will fail to sell.
If you do receive an offer, your agent will spring into action to negotiate the best deal possible for you and the best contract terms. This also can take many months. Months where you can't share your good news with anyone.
So that's the basics of a normal submission. Sometimes an agent will feel there is so much interest they will jump straight into an auction where your manuscript goes to the best offer during a short time frame for publishers to express interest. That can happen with a small number of books but is not the usual path.
I hope this clears up some of the mystery behind literary submissions through an agent. Intense is the best word to describe it. Feel free to ask questions or share your own experiences.
Once you sign a contract with an agent, whether that be for one particular book or for your whole career, the first thing that usually happens is revisions. Your agent will have suggestions for making your book more appealing to editors. They'll take their experience on what is marketable and share that with you to shape your book and get it into the best shape possible. Of course, that also means fixing typos, writing structure, and big picture items. You're taking your already very clean manuscript and bringing it to its shiny best. This process can be anywhere from a week to months depending on the amount of work involved.
When your manuscript is ready, the next step is putting together an editor list. Your agent will study editors and the "want" lists from different publishers and their imprints. He/she will take a look at what each publisher has bought lately and what genre/topics interest particular editors. Then your agent will take your query letter--or sometimes start from scratch depending on the agent--and craft a pitch letter.
During the submission process, you've gone from querying to pitching, though the concept remains the same--enticing attention for your story. Bad news folks, you still need a query letter and synopsis even after you have an agent. You want to give as much help to your agent as possible so they can come up with the strongest pitch letter. That means tight paragraphs about what is unique with your characters and plot, and who knows that information better than the author. In other words a query letter.
And certain publishers do request a synopsis (just like certain agents), so your agent will need one written by you to send with your submissions. (Total bummer, I know.) The synopsis never die, it just gets more crucial.
At this point some agents will telephone or otherwise meet with an editor to gauge interest. Other agents simply email the pitch letter and whatever else the editor requires be sent--pages or synopsis--in order to get started. You've entered the first round stage. Just like in querying, agents send small batches of around ten pitches at a time. Usually, the first round aims at large imprints and might throw in a medium print or two.
Your agent should show your the list your manuscript has gone out to, including the editor names. Now you can either obsess by searching out those editors on the internet and following them on social media, or you can try and keep it cool and aloof and wait for news. Your agent should warn you (or common sense should do this) that you are not to contact or bother said editors. Your job is to wait.
Also if you have a preference for a particular publisher, you can share this with your agent. He/she is most likely happy to research that publisher and find the right editor to send your submission. Just don't go shouting about 'your favorites' in public. In fact, don't talk about submission at all in public. You want the best possible outcome and that means keeping everything quiet and not getting in your agent's way.
And so you're waiting. In my own experience the majority of editors respond in just a few days--either they will ask for more or reject because they have something too similar. (Obviously if your agent called editors first, your submission moves right to what in querying is considered a full request.) There are basically no partials in submission. Editors either want to see the whole manuscript or they reject it outright for various reasons.
Unlike querying the request rate at this stage is usually close to 90 percent. That's because your agent has done their research and editors figure this is submitted by an agent, the manuscript is worth seeing. There will be the odd editor who never responds to the pitch. It happens. People are busy. Your agent will nudge and eventually write-off no response pitches.
Now you are waiting patiently and nervously, trying not to check your email inbox every two seconds. The roller coaster has started and it has higher hills and sharper curves than querying. This time control is out of your hands and you must have faith and trust your agent. Not always easy to do. Expect to have times when you patience vanishes and you absolutely MUST know what is happening. Do your best to put that energy elsewhere. Try and hold your concentration enough to work on a new story or go run circles around the neighborhood. Speak privately to your CP. Eat chocolate. Whatever works for you to stay calm.
Some editors will respond quickly, some not so much. At the one month mark, you agent should give a polite nudge just as reminder. At this point editors are reading and deciding whether to acquire. To acquire your manuscript, they must pass you up the food chain, so to speak. They must take you before the acquisitions board where your story will be read by others and evaluated about its marketability. Many people will now read it and 'vote' yes or no. Is it worth while financially to acquire this story? Will the sales be high enough? The higher your story goes, the longer the whole process will take. Thus no news is good news is actually true.
Somewhere along this line, you might be asked to do some revisions so the story can be consider all over again. You'll have your agent's help as to whether the revisions are worth doing or not and how serious the publishers is about acquiring if they are done. I've seen authors say that even after the revisions, that publisher rejected the story, so consider carefully.
Your agent should forward responses from editors to you or possibly just give you parts of what they have received. You can let your agent know if you prefer not to know the details of bad news or if you prefer to have it only sent to you once a month. Either way, decide together what type of communication you prefer. Do you want to know all the results or do you want to wait for good news?
Most passes from editors are very kind and full of compliments. It might not be what they're seeking or they might have something too similar. Some might give more specifics and others might be vague. There's often not much to guide you or your agent in what could be changed or improved upon.
If no publishers decide to acquire on the first round, then your agent will send another round of pitch letters to new imprints. There are usually three or four months months in between rounds. And even after a second or third round is sent, there may still be editors considering from earlier rounds. The whole submission process can take a year or longer of sending out pitches and waiting to hear from editors. And there is no guarantee. Some stories will fail to sell.
If you do receive an offer, your agent will spring into action to negotiate the best deal possible for you and the best contract terms. This also can take many months. Months where you can't share your good news with anyone.
So that's the basics of a normal submission. Sometimes an agent will feel there is so much interest they will jump straight into an auction where your manuscript goes to the best offer during a short time frame for publishers to express interest. That can happen with a small number of books but is not the usual path.
I hope this clears up some of the mystery behind literary submissions through an agent. Intense is the best word to describe it. Feel free to ask questions or share your own experiences.
November 2, 2014
NoQS 2014 Sum Up
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There can't be any doubt that Nightmare on Query Street was a huge, gigantic success once again. This was thanks to the agents and the writers who sent in their entries! And this year I want to give a huge thanks to the mentors!
I had the best time and hope everyone else did too! I hope to see you for Sun versus Snow in January. (hint, hint)
So now some statistics because (like in sports) you have to endlessly rehash the numbers.
Overall, between the three blogs and 39 entries, there were 86 requests! That is one amazing number!
Team Minion had 32 requests. Sadly, not every entry got request this year.
Princess Not So Charming- Your first page drew me right in and let me know this was a story I'd like. It made me think of fun!
Crossing Brielle- Your revision blew me away. Your entry went from strong to outstanding with its intensity!
Troll Diaries- Your voice stands out from a mile away. I love the humor and this is a MC I want to get to know!
Keep in mind the small number of agents attending and the subjective nature of contests. Keep pushing forward!
Minions had:4 Screams32 Requests
Monsters had:
9 Screams22 Requests
Spooks had:9 Screams32 Requests
Any ninja agents are very, very welcome to make further request now that the contest is over. I'm sure the Minions, Monsters, and Spooks won't mind in the least.
Thanks to everyone and see you next year!
