Michelle Hauck's Blog, page 114
February 18, 2014
Cover Art Release for Winter's Regret
Isn't it beautiful!
I'm very please to be part of another anthology of short stories from the Elephant's Bookshelf Press. This time the anthology covers the season of winter and they are tales of regret.
Being the crazy person I am, my story has a girl and a dragon. As for the regret ... we'll you have to read it on February 28th to find out where the regret comes into play. Are they friends or foes? A girl and her pet dragon or maybe not so friendly. Oh, there are so many possibilities!
February 17, 2014
Writing Lessons from Odd Places
I’ll bet you thought the band Nickelback was just a rock group. You couldn’t be more wrong. They and other artists are actually dealing out writing lessons on the side. Genius advice for those keen enough to paying attention!
Don’t believe me? Let me show you.
Proof number one from the song HERO by Chad Kroeger of Nickelback. You might remember this from the first Spiderman movie, but it goes so much further. It’s actually a subliminal reminder.
They say that a hero can save us. I’m not gonna stand here and wait.
What is this but a clue that your MC cannot be passive. The MC has to jump in there and get their hands dirty. They have to make decisions and take charge, even if they fail. Never let your MC wait for a hero, they have to bethe hero. This song is an ode to avoiding passive characters!
Next proof of the genius of Nickelback, the song BURN IT TO THE GROUND . Is this an innocent go out and get drunk and cause trouble song or something more?
We’re going till the world stops turningWhile we burn it to the ground tonight.
Perhaps it means a little bit more. There are even TWO hints in this song. Taken from the point of view of a character could it mean that they have to keep moving? That letting your characters sit around and plot/plan/talk is not a great idea. (I know this because it’s what happened in my first manuscript.) Characters have to act and do things.
But it could also be saying that we can’t coddle our MC? What if you take this song from the writer’s point of view? Then it seems like it’s saying an MC should have to suffer. That everything around them should be burning to the ground and falling around their ears. That as the author it’s our job to make our character’s world fall apart physically and emotionally!
Need more proof?
Let’s consider the song, IF TODAY WAS YOUR LAST DAY . Obviously this is a song about living life to the fullest. But does that apply to writing?
Against the grain should be a way of lifeWhat’s worth the prize is always worth the fightEvery second counts ‘cause there’s no second trySo live like you’ll never live it twice.
The only thing harder than becoming a successful rock band is becoming a published writer. It’s a fight that you have to give your all. And not only is there a lesson in there about never giving up on your writing journey, there is something more—something deeper. Against the grain should be a way of life?
Again writing genius. What could this be but a reference to putting the unexpected into your writing! Don’t do what the reader is expecting. Take a twist, take a turn, be unique! Do the unforeseen! Pure genius!
FAR AWAY is beautiful love song with something to teach us.
This time, This placeMisused, MistakesToo long, Too lateWho was I to make you waitJust one chanceJust one breath
This seems to be about getting back the person you love. But maybe it’s more—maybe it’s a lesson on dialogue. Looking closer isn’t it showing that people don’t speak in complete grammatical sentences? That people take short cuts when they speak. That they use contractions and drop words. Brilliant!
These lessons could go on and on. SAVIN’ ME has more to teach us.
Say it for meSay it for meAnd I’ll leave this life behind meSay it if it’s worth saving me
Anybody want to make a guess on this one? Simple isn’t it, but understated genius as always. I’ll leave this life behind me! Here Nickelback is warning us that a MC must have a character arc. They must change and leave their old bad habits behind to become a stronger, smarter, nicer character! The point of a story is to change the MC and make them undergo a transformation.
And one last example from GOTTA BE SOMEBODY:
Cause nobody wants to be the last one thereCause everyone wants to feel like someone caresSomeone to love with my life in their handsThere’s gotta be somebody for me like that
Here Nickelback runs the gamut of the writer journey by capturing the true spirit of the querying writer as they search for an agent. An agent that will take your life (story) in their hands.
Like inspiration, lessons can come from some very unexpected places.
Do you find inspiration and lessons in your favorite music? Share a little of it in the comments.
February 15, 2014
Critique Workshop Part 2--Saturday
Here we go for another round!
Let's see if we can still make it helpful. Critiquing queries not only helps the owner of the query, it also builds valuable skills in what makes a query work and what doesn't. The more you help others with their queries, the more you can learn about how to make your own query successful.
Please leave comments for all of our entrants. And make those comments as helpful as possible. You can take a week if needed to get them all done, but please don't skip anyone.
If you'd like your query added to the group, contact me in the comments or on twitter.
Let's see if we can still make it helpful. Critiquing queries not only helps the owner of the query, it also builds valuable skills in what makes a query work and what doesn't. The more you help others with their queries, the more you can learn about how to make your own query successful.
Please leave comments for all of our entrants. And make those comments as helpful as possible. You can take a week if needed to get them all done, but please don't skip anyone.
If you'd like your query added to the group, contact me in the comments or on twitter.
Critique Workshop #9: THE PRINCESS OF TYRONE
Title: The Princess of TyroneGenre: New Adult Sci-Fi/FantasyWord Count: 71,000
Query:
All her life, Apolline heard the story of the lost Princess of Tyrone and the sleeping curse the sorceress placed on her at birth. But never once did she consider she could be the princess. She’s happy hunting magical creatures on her pirate infested outer-perimeter planet, betrothed to someone she doesn’t even know.
Then Allard appears. Handsome, charming—suddenly everything becomes complicated. But he’s not hers to have. He’s betrothed too. Despite her guardians warning her against her new found friendship, she and Allard meet in secret, and their love blossoms.But the deadline for the sleeping curse is approaching. If Apolline falls in love with the wrong person, she could end up sleeping forever.
The Princess of Tyrone is a New Adult Sci-Fi/Fantasy at 71,000 that tells the Grimm fairytale of Sleeping Beauty in a futuristic and lighthearted manner. It is a standalone novel, but it part of a series based in the same galaxy.
First 250:
Apolline giggled from under her bed. She watched her Aunt Fantine’s feet as she paced the room.
“Apolline? Where has she gone?”
Apolline giggled again.
“I thought I heard something.”
Apolline gasped and covered her mouth.
The bed skirt flew back and the round face of Fantine appeared, making Apolline screech and giggle.
“Found you!”
“No!” Apolline dashed out, wrapping her arms around Fantine’s wide waist. “I got you, Aunt Fantine!”
Fantine laughed and lifted her up in a tight squeeze. “It’s getting late now, dearie.”
“Tell me a story.”
“All right.” Fantine set her on the bed.
Apolline grasped her blankets and wrapped herself up so only her face showed. Aunt Sophronia, a tall, slender woman with cropped auburn hair, glanced into the room with a scowl. “Why is she still awake?”
“Hush, Sophronia,” Fantine scolded. “A few minutes of extra play and a story won’t hurt.”
Sophronia sighed. “Just keep her quiet.”
Apolline poked her tongue out as Sophronia moved on.
“I saw that!” The youngest of the three, Aunt Ashlan, appeared in front of Apolline with a pinkish glow. She bent over and kissed her forehead. “Don’t sass her, Apolline.”
“She’s a mean fairy,” Apolline responded with a frown. “Fairies are supposed to be nice.”
“I heard that,” Sophronia called down the hall.
The three of them giggled. Ashlan kissed her head again. “Don’t forget her potion, Fantine.”
“I know. I never do.” Fantine sat in the chair beside Apolline’s bed with a book in her lap, and slipped a small bottle and spoon from the satchel attached to her skirt waistband.
Query:
All her life, Apolline heard the story of the lost Princess of Tyrone and the sleeping curse the sorceress placed on her at birth. But never once did she consider she could be the princess. She’s happy hunting magical creatures on her pirate infested outer-perimeter planet, betrothed to someone she doesn’t even know.
Then Allard appears. Handsome, charming—suddenly everything becomes complicated. But he’s not hers to have. He’s betrothed too. Despite her guardians warning her against her new found friendship, she and Allard meet in secret, and their love blossoms.But the deadline for the sleeping curse is approaching. If Apolline falls in love with the wrong person, she could end up sleeping forever.
The Princess of Tyrone is a New Adult Sci-Fi/Fantasy at 71,000 that tells the Grimm fairytale of Sleeping Beauty in a futuristic and lighthearted manner. It is a standalone novel, but it part of a series based in the same galaxy.
First 250:
Apolline giggled from under her bed. She watched her Aunt Fantine’s feet as she paced the room.
“Apolline? Where has she gone?”
Apolline giggled again.
“I thought I heard something.”
Apolline gasped and covered her mouth.
The bed skirt flew back and the round face of Fantine appeared, making Apolline screech and giggle.
“Found you!”
“No!” Apolline dashed out, wrapping her arms around Fantine’s wide waist. “I got you, Aunt Fantine!”
Fantine laughed and lifted her up in a tight squeeze. “It’s getting late now, dearie.”
“Tell me a story.”
“All right.” Fantine set her on the bed.
Apolline grasped her blankets and wrapped herself up so only her face showed. Aunt Sophronia, a tall, slender woman with cropped auburn hair, glanced into the room with a scowl. “Why is she still awake?”
“Hush, Sophronia,” Fantine scolded. “A few minutes of extra play and a story won’t hurt.”
Sophronia sighed. “Just keep her quiet.”
Apolline poked her tongue out as Sophronia moved on.
“I saw that!” The youngest of the three, Aunt Ashlan, appeared in front of Apolline with a pinkish glow. She bent over and kissed her forehead. “Don’t sass her, Apolline.”
“She’s a mean fairy,” Apolline responded with a frown. “Fairies are supposed to be nice.”
“I heard that,” Sophronia called down the hall.
The three of them giggled. Ashlan kissed her head again. “Don’t forget her potion, Fantine.”
“I know. I never do.” Fantine sat in the chair beside Apolline’s bed with a book in her lap, and slipped a small bottle and spoon from the satchel attached to her skirt waistband.
Critique Workshop #10: CHEMICALS COLLIDE
Title: Chemicals CollideGenre: YA ContemporaryWord Count: 75,000
QUERY:
Sixteen-year-old Sara knows the name of every single cleaning product under the kitchen sink. She knows which to use before school and which to use after to ensure each day runs as efficiently as possible. Which isn’t an easy feat when you’re an only child living with your chronically OCD mother. But all of her self-preservation skills don’t tell her how to deal with Harvey, a boy who seems to pop up at the most inopportune moments.
Harvey is polite, intelligent, and even a little charming but Sara doesn’t have time for the Harvey’s of the world. She’s got her arms full with the dreadfully dull Tristan, who her mother adores, and bad boy Speedway racer Logan, who appeases Sara’s desperate need to rebel. In between being the perfect, immaculate daughter at home, and the exact opposite in town, Sara is starting to think that maybe anxiety runs in the family. With her first love and graduation on the line, Sara needs to get her life together before her shaky relationship with her mother collapses completely.
Chemicals Collide is a 75,000 word, young adult novel that delves into the world of obsessive-compulsive disorder. It tells the tale of a girl learning to stand on her own two feet with the help of those who want to build her up, not tear her down.
FIRST 250:
Getting ready was exhausting.
The smell of chemicals filled the air and I struggled not to gag as I scoured the bottom of the shower. My wet hair hung on either side of my face, almost dangling in the suds as I leaned forward as far as possible without actually entering the stall. The bathroom was already immaculate but if I left without removing the watermarks, my mother would panic and spend the rest of the afternoon doing a job I could do in five minutes.
My phone buzzed to life on the counter and I wiped my hands on my towel before stretching out to grab it with my fingertips. “Hello?”
“You’re late, Sara.”
I closed my eyes and cursed under my breath. “I’m sorry, Tahina. We were supposed to meet for ice-cream, weren’t we?”
“Fifteen minutes ago. So come on, lay it on me, what’s your excuse?”
“Um…” I glanced around the bathroom. How could I even begin to explain that I was wrapped in a towel, up to my elbows in suds, and not even close to being ready?
“Actually no,” Tahina interrupted, her voice cheerful, even over the phone. “I don’t want to know. You can make it up to me by coming to the Speedway tonight.”
My mouth dropped open. “What? No. Tahina, I hate the Speedway.”
“You’ve never even been to the Speedway,” she reminded me.
“I know, but…” All of that dirt, all of that dust, my mum would have a fit!
QUERY:
Sixteen-year-old Sara knows the name of every single cleaning product under the kitchen sink. She knows which to use before school and which to use after to ensure each day runs as efficiently as possible. Which isn’t an easy feat when you’re an only child living with your chronically OCD mother. But all of her self-preservation skills don’t tell her how to deal with Harvey, a boy who seems to pop up at the most inopportune moments.
Harvey is polite, intelligent, and even a little charming but Sara doesn’t have time for the Harvey’s of the world. She’s got her arms full with the dreadfully dull Tristan, who her mother adores, and bad boy Speedway racer Logan, who appeases Sara’s desperate need to rebel. In between being the perfect, immaculate daughter at home, and the exact opposite in town, Sara is starting to think that maybe anxiety runs in the family. With her first love and graduation on the line, Sara needs to get her life together before her shaky relationship with her mother collapses completely.
Chemicals Collide is a 75,000 word, young adult novel that delves into the world of obsessive-compulsive disorder. It tells the tale of a girl learning to stand on her own two feet with the help of those who want to build her up, not tear her down.
FIRST 250:
Getting ready was exhausting.
The smell of chemicals filled the air and I struggled not to gag as I scoured the bottom of the shower. My wet hair hung on either side of my face, almost dangling in the suds as I leaned forward as far as possible without actually entering the stall. The bathroom was already immaculate but if I left without removing the watermarks, my mother would panic and spend the rest of the afternoon doing a job I could do in five minutes.
My phone buzzed to life on the counter and I wiped my hands on my towel before stretching out to grab it with my fingertips. “Hello?”
“You’re late, Sara.”
I closed my eyes and cursed under my breath. “I’m sorry, Tahina. We were supposed to meet for ice-cream, weren’t we?”
“Fifteen minutes ago. So come on, lay it on me, what’s your excuse?”
“Um…” I glanced around the bathroom. How could I even begin to explain that I was wrapped in a towel, up to my elbows in suds, and not even close to being ready?
“Actually no,” Tahina interrupted, her voice cheerful, even over the phone. “I don’t want to know. You can make it up to me by coming to the Speedway tonight.”
My mouth dropped open. “What? No. Tahina, I hate the Speedway.”
“You’ve never even been to the Speedway,” she reminded me.
“I know, but…” All of that dirt, all of that dust, my mum would have a fit!
Critique Workshop #11: NATALIE KNOZE
TITLE: NATALIE KNOZE [The Case of the Missing Teacher]GENRE: MG Chapter Book : Mystery (3-4 grade)WORD COUNT: 10,000 wordsQUERY:Dear Agent,Ten-year-old, Natalie Knoze has always been intrigued by mysteries. But she never had a mystery of her own to solve…Until Friday morning when Natalie and her best friend, Emma, stroll into Social Studies class revved up for a movie pick from their favorite teacher. But the teacher is missing. “A leave of absence,” is what know-it-all Eli informs them. Suddenly, Natalie realizes she and Emma have their first real live mystery to solve.As the sleuth duo nose around for clues, get into trouble with the principal, and almost get lost, they discover that Mrs. Gold’s leave of absence is a not a missing person case after all but instead it’s a cause for celebration.Natalie Knoze and The Case of the Missing Teacher combines the fun aspects of Nancy Clancy and the mystery solver in Nancy Drew in this new twist on a Middle Grade Chapter Book.
First 250:
NATALIE KNOZE [The Case of the Missing Teacher]Chapter 1 The Substitute“Sit beside me during the movie,” Natalie said to Emma.It was Friday morning and that meant movie day in Social Studies. Social Studies was Natalie and Emma’s favorite class. Mrs. Gold was awesome. She has gold hair, just like her name. She traveled all over the world before coming to Pebble Creek Elementary. And every Friday, she would bring a movie from her own collection for us to watch.“I wonder what movie Mrs. Gold has for us today,” Emma asked.In her best Sherlock Holmes impression, Natalie said “I hope it’s another mystery movie. Those are the coolest.”“Me, too,” Emma agreed.Natalie and Emma giggled as they walked into Room 10. The two girls had been best friends since first grade. That was when Emma’s mom threw a Clue party for Emma’s sixth birthday. A Clue party is a game that let’s everyone be a sleuth as they search for clues to find out the truth of a crime. Natalie and Emma were the best sleuth’s at the party.“Guess what?” Eli said. “Mrs. Gold isn’t here. She took a leave of absence.” Eli thought he knew everything about everything. But in reality, all he knew how to do was ease drop on everyone’s conversion.“A leave of absence! What for?” Natalie asked.“Don’t know, no body’s talking,” Eli shrugged and dashed off to his seat.“But…but…but…what about movie Friday?” Emma asked.“No movie today, today we will be talking about the revolutionary war and why it was important to America,” a woman with a gray-haired bun on top of her head said. “Everyone take your seat, I am Miss Grimes. I will be your substitute teacher while Mrs. Gold is away.”“You know what this means!” Natalie whispered to Emma. “We have our first real case to solve. To find Mrs. Gold!”
First 250:
NATALIE KNOZE [The Case of the Missing Teacher]Chapter 1 The Substitute“Sit beside me during the movie,” Natalie said to Emma.It was Friday morning and that meant movie day in Social Studies. Social Studies was Natalie and Emma’s favorite class. Mrs. Gold was awesome. She has gold hair, just like her name. She traveled all over the world before coming to Pebble Creek Elementary. And every Friday, she would bring a movie from her own collection for us to watch.“I wonder what movie Mrs. Gold has for us today,” Emma asked.In her best Sherlock Holmes impression, Natalie said “I hope it’s another mystery movie. Those are the coolest.”“Me, too,” Emma agreed.Natalie and Emma giggled as they walked into Room 10. The two girls had been best friends since first grade. That was when Emma’s mom threw a Clue party for Emma’s sixth birthday. A Clue party is a game that let’s everyone be a sleuth as they search for clues to find out the truth of a crime. Natalie and Emma were the best sleuth’s at the party.“Guess what?” Eli said. “Mrs. Gold isn’t here. She took a leave of absence.” Eli thought he knew everything about everything. But in reality, all he knew how to do was ease drop on everyone’s conversion.“A leave of absence! What for?” Natalie asked.“Don’t know, no body’s talking,” Eli shrugged and dashed off to his seat.“But…but…but…what about movie Friday?” Emma asked.“No movie today, today we will be talking about the revolutionary war and why it was important to America,” a woman with a gray-haired bun on top of her head said. “Everyone take your seat, I am Miss Grimes. I will be your substitute teacher while Mrs. Gold is away.”“You know what this means!” Natalie whispered to Emma. “We have our first real case to solve. To find Mrs. Gold!”
Critique Workshop #12: DARKENWEAR INC.
Title: DARKENWEAR, INC.: FEATHERS VS. SCALESCategory/Genre: MG fantasy/adventureWord count: 46,000
Query:
Dear (Well-Researched Agent’s Name):
Persephone Stone is thirteen and has no clue she’s becoming a dragon. She doesn’t even remember being bitten as a child, though she’s haunted by the nasty scar down her left arm. But the arrival of Serpenestro, a mysterious green-and-white-haired boy, stirs lost memories and plunges Persephone into a conspiracy of wild couture that threatens her existence.
DarkenWear Inc. is the hottest fashion label taking over two worlds. Literally. When the feathered fashionistas come pushing their designs and looking for new materials, Persephone and her friends uncover their secret: every piece in the DW collection is an imprisoned magical creature. Unicorns live in the linings of jackets, goblins lurk in the shimmery folds of sequined dresses, and dragons trapped in garments top the list of trends for the season. Serpenestro reveals himself as the one responsible for Persephone’s bite as the kids hop worlds to a floating NYC-esque city. They must stop production of the creature-inhabited clothing before every enchanted creature is transformed into a handbag or a fabulous pair of shoes, including Persephone.
DARKENWEAR, INC., FEATHER VS.SCALES is a Fantasy Adventure with series potential and is complete at 46,000 words. This story will appeal to fans of THE SCHOOL OF GOOD AND EVIL by Soman Chainani and Rick Riordan’s PERCY JACKSON series.
(Add brief bio and closing)
First 250+ words:
The vortex howled around the dilapidated brick school, throwing crows against the glass and filling the air with feathers. The old panes rattled in their paint-caked frames, drawing every student’s gaze toward the tall windows of the eighth-grade humanities pod.
With a flash and a boom, the lights flickered and a ripple, like someone was adjusting a TV screen. A twenty-sixth student appeared in the last seat at the back of the class.
No one seemed to notice the boy as the room fell into chaos over the advancing storm.
Mystery Student Twenty-Six sat reading his X-Men comic and watching a group of students settle back into their Edgar Allen Poe projects, unaware that he was no longer invisible.
Storms create lightning. Lightning makes fire. Fire ruins lives. It happened then, and it could happen now. Persephone splattered red paint on her papier-mâché rendering of The Masque of the Red Death. She grimaced and pinched the silvery swirl of scar tissue that peeked out from underneath the top of her arm warmer. The skin burned and itched with newfound intensity. “Storms conjure change.”
“Huh, what did you say?” Kendall flopped back in his chair and turned around.
Persephone noticed him looking at her bad arm. Her dark eyes slashed from underneath her bangs as if to say, I dare you to stare a second longer.
“Sorry.” He tousled his mop of chestnut hair and flashed a smile.
Ignoring Kendall and the tingling pain, she pulled the striped woolen sleeve back up to cover the wound. “Hey, who the heck is the new kid?”
Query:
Dear (Well-Researched Agent’s Name):
Persephone Stone is thirteen and has no clue she’s becoming a dragon. She doesn’t even remember being bitten as a child, though she’s haunted by the nasty scar down her left arm. But the arrival of Serpenestro, a mysterious green-and-white-haired boy, stirs lost memories and plunges Persephone into a conspiracy of wild couture that threatens her existence.
DarkenWear Inc. is the hottest fashion label taking over two worlds. Literally. When the feathered fashionistas come pushing their designs and looking for new materials, Persephone and her friends uncover their secret: every piece in the DW collection is an imprisoned magical creature. Unicorns live in the linings of jackets, goblins lurk in the shimmery folds of sequined dresses, and dragons trapped in garments top the list of trends for the season. Serpenestro reveals himself as the one responsible for Persephone’s bite as the kids hop worlds to a floating NYC-esque city. They must stop production of the creature-inhabited clothing before every enchanted creature is transformed into a handbag or a fabulous pair of shoes, including Persephone.
DARKENWEAR, INC., FEATHER VS.SCALES is a Fantasy Adventure with series potential and is complete at 46,000 words. This story will appeal to fans of THE SCHOOL OF GOOD AND EVIL by Soman Chainani and Rick Riordan’s PERCY JACKSON series.
(Add brief bio and closing)
First 250+ words:
The vortex howled around the dilapidated brick school, throwing crows against the glass and filling the air with feathers. The old panes rattled in their paint-caked frames, drawing every student’s gaze toward the tall windows of the eighth-grade humanities pod.
With a flash and a boom, the lights flickered and a ripple, like someone was adjusting a TV screen. A twenty-sixth student appeared in the last seat at the back of the class.
No one seemed to notice the boy as the room fell into chaos over the advancing storm.
Mystery Student Twenty-Six sat reading his X-Men comic and watching a group of students settle back into their Edgar Allen Poe projects, unaware that he was no longer invisible.
Storms create lightning. Lightning makes fire. Fire ruins lives. It happened then, and it could happen now. Persephone splattered red paint on her papier-mâché rendering of The Masque of the Red Death. She grimaced and pinched the silvery swirl of scar tissue that peeked out from underneath the top of her arm warmer. The skin burned and itched with newfound intensity. “Storms conjure change.”
“Huh, what did you say?” Kendall flopped back in his chair and turned around.
Persephone noticed him looking at her bad arm. Her dark eyes slashed from underneath her bangs as if to say, I dare you to stare a second longer.
“Sorry.” He tousled his mop of chestnut hair and flashed a smile.
Ignoring Kendall and the tingling pain, she pulled the striped woolen sleeve back up to cover the wound. “Hey, who the heck is the new kid?”
Critique Workshop #13: THE SPACE BETWEEN
Title: THE SPACE BETWEEN
Genre: Adult Contemporary SuspenseWord Count: 90,000
Query:
Dear Agent:
Yelling hurtful words to a best friend is one thing, but dedicated DEA agent Deanna Ellis belittles her partner moments before hellish gunfire kills her. Now choked by haunting survivor’s guilt, Ellis vows to uncover the reason their biggest case yet nosedived into chaos. First, she must find the at-large murderer.
Everyone impedes her pursuit. The DEA head honchos deny her involvement into the official investigation while her boss argues she’s unfit for active duty. A colleague blatantly accuses her of selling out her partner and threatens revenge. Worsening matters, her partner’s family demands answers to their sister’s death as the killer tries unnerving Ellis with taunting phone calls.
When the new Special Agent in Charge suspiciously transfers Ellis to help an undercover FBI agent in Miami, Ellis fears another deterrent. But then the killer hints he’s in Miami too. Neck-deep in the new assignment, she discovers macabre betrayal; she’s entrapped. Several agents’ lives rest in her hands, forcing her to reach within for courage as she learns both justice and treachery can be bought, and whatever skulks in the void between guilt and redemption is, to her, the space between.
THE SPACE BETWEEN is a 90,000 word contemporary suspense novel set in Atlanta and a rainy Miami.
First 250:
Fifteen days after the worst night of her life, DEA agent Deanna Ellis stood outside the dark entrance of O’Grady’s Bar in Atlanta. The neon sign above the wooden door buzzed an incomprehensible beat with the O flashing at random. The air hung heavier than a typical June evening, the result of a hard afternoon rain.
Ellis inhaled an unsteady breath, moved her hand to the brass doorknob, and stopped. Her thoughts replayed the funeral she attended a few hours earlier. She turned to Senior Special Agent David Ambers. Her boss had changed into a fresh white shirt for his black suit. His brown curly hair kinked tighter when wet.
“You okay?” Ambers asked. His musk cologne filled her with warmth and teased reassurance.
“I still don’t understand why I can’t be involved with the investigation,” Ellis said.
He sighed, his brown-eyed gaze softening. “Let’s not get into this now. Everyone’s waiting.”
Her trembling fingers clenched. She didn’t want to go inside.
Ambers escorted her across the threshold.
Two dozen pairs of eyes studied her. Colleagues, all passing judgment. On the landing, three steps higher than anyone else, Ellis’ shoulders sagged under their scrutiny. After hours of interrogation, the official report concluded she acted with courage. No fault rested with her, yet she continued to doubt her conscience.
She did everything possible that night, didn’t she? With the van’s high beams blinding her, she aimed and shot the best she could. Hadn’t she?
Genre: Adult Contemporary SuspenseWord Count: 90,000
Query:
Dear Agent:
Yelling hurtful words to a best friend is one thing, but dedicated DEA agent Deanna Ellis belittles her partner moments before hellish gunfire kills her. Now choked by haunting survivor’s guilt, Ellis vows to uncover the reason their biggest case yet nosedived into chaos. First, she must find the at-large murderer.
Everyone impedes her pursuit. The DEA head honchos deny her involvement into the official investigation while her boss argues she’s unfit for active duty. A colleague blatantly accuses her of selling out her partner and threatens revenge. Worsening matters, her partner’s family demands answers to their sister’s death as the killer tries unnerving Ellis with taunting phone calls.
When the new Special Agent in Charge suspiciously transfers Ellis to help an undercover FBI agent in Miami, Ellis fears another deterrent. But then the killer hints he’s in Miami too. Neck-deep in the new assignment, she discovers macabre betrayal; she’s entrapped. Several agents’ lives rest in her hands, forcing her to reach within for courage as she learns both justice and treachery can be bought, and whatever skulks in the void between guilt and redemption is, to her, the space between.
THE SPACE BETWEEN is a 90,000 word contemporary suspense novel set in Atlanta and a rainy Miami.
First 250:
Fifteen days after the worst night of her life, DEA agent Deanna Ellis stood outside the dark entrance of O’Grady’s Bar in Atlanta. The neon sign above the wooden door buzzed an incomprehensible beat with the O flashing at random. The air hung heavier than a typical June evening, the result of a hard afternoon rain.
Ellis inhaled an unsteady breath, moved her hand to the brass doorknob, and stopped. Her thoughts replayed the funeral she attended a few hours earlier. She turned to Senior Special Agent David Ambers. Her boss had changed into a fresh white shirt for his black suit. His brown curly hair kinked tighter when wet.
“You okay?” Ambers asked. His musk cologne filled her with warmth and teased reassurance.
“I still don’t understand why I can’t be involved with the investigation,” Ellis said.
He sighed, his brown-eyed gaze softening. “Let’s not get into this now. Everyone’s waiting.”
Her trembling fingers clenched. She didn’t want to go inside.
Ambers escorted her across the threshold.
Two dozen pairs of eyes studied her. Colleagues, all passing judgment. On the landing, three steps higher than anyone else, Ellis’ shoulders sagged under their scrutiny. After hours of interrogation, the official report concluded she acted with courage. No fault rested with her, yet she continued to doubt her conscience.
She did everything possible that night, didn’t she? With the van’s high beams blinding her, she aimed and shot the best she could. Hadn’t she?
Critique Workshop #14: GRUDGING
Title: GRUDGINGGenre: YA FantasyWord Count: WIP
Query:
To follow his brother into the pelotón and earn his beard as a fighting man is all seventeen-year-old Ramiro ever wanted. His mother can nag he belongs safely in the saint’s priesthood, but his father understands the military is ceremonial, a holdover from a more violent history of their city-state.
Until Ramiro's home is surrounded on all sides by the invading armies and siege machines of the Northerners.
Cut off from allies and outnumbered behind their walls, their only escape lies to the west in the acres and acres of swamp inhabited by the witches. The witches' mythic ability to hypnotize and control by voice may be the only equalizer. But the witches have no love for men, even unbearded ones. Ramiro's brother leads a small expedition to sway their hereditary enemies into becoming partners.
The saints abandon them and disaster strikes, leaving Ramiro alone with only the witch's nit of an apprentice to show for their mission. Ramiro is staggered by the loss of his beloved brother and dogged by duty. When the girl resists, he’s forced to drag her bound and gagged every step before his home succumbs to the armies. To win her over, they must speak, but the girl's voice could prove to be the last thing Ramiro hears.
250:
Ramiro guided Sancha to the back of the waiting ranks of the pelotón, taking his position at its rear along the dusty road. Moisture slicked his palms inside his leather gloves, and his helmet wobbled as if it were several sizes too big, though the chin straps secured it. He sidestepped Sancha until she maneuvered into position. In his rightful place, he laid Sancha’s reins across his knee, signaling to the Grito de Guerre that he’d be using his legs to guide her, not the leather straps.
Alvito moved his mount alongside, pinning Ramiro between himself and Gomez. “Don’t look so pale,” Alvito said with a grin. “You’ll not earn your beard this day.” He stroked his own neatly sculpted black whiskers, adding a wink to cut the sting of his words. His beard was artwork, all straight lines and right angles, shaved to the edge of the jaw line with a square patch under his lower lip. His hair tended to curl, a fashion Alvito encouraged with musk-scented oil. The heavy aroma didn’t seem to detract women; Alvito never had less than one or two hanging on his arm.
Gomez gave Ramiro a playful push from the other side with a fist the size of a ham, enough to knock him off the saddle if Ramiro hadn’t locked his legs. Gomez’s beard was a study in opposites from Alvito. A nest of brambles to his chest, hair grew wherever it could sprout. “You’ll stay the bisoño until we tell you otherwise, kiddo.”
Query:
To follow his brother into the pelotón and earn his beard as a fighting man is all seventeen-year-old Ramiro ever wanted. His mother can nag he belongs safely in the saint’s priesthood, but his father understands the military is ceremonial, a holdover from a more violent history of their city-state.
Until Ramiro's home is surrounded on all sides by the invading armies and siege machines of the Northerners.
Cut off from allies and outnumbered behind their walls, their only escape lies to the west in the acres and acres of swamp inhabited by the witches. The witches' mythic ability to hypnotize and control by voice may be the only equalizer. But the witches have no love for men, even unbearded ones. Ramiro's brother leads a small expedition to sway their hereditary enemies into becoming partners.
The saints abandon them and disaster strikes, leaving Ramiro alone with only the witch's nit of an apprentice to show for their mission. Ramiro is staggered by the loss of his beloved brother and dogged by duty. When the girl resists, he’s forced to drag her bound and gagged every step before his home succumbs to the armies. To win her over, they must speak, but the girl's voice could prove to be the last thing Ramiro hears.
250:
Ramiro guided Sancha to the back of the waiting ranks of the pelotón, taking his position at its rear along the dusty road. Moisture slicked his palms inside his leather gloves, and his helmet wobbled as if it were several sizes too big, though the chin straps secured it. He sidestepped Sancha until she maneuvered into position. In his rightful place, he laid Sancha’s reins across his knee, signaling to the Grito de Guerre that he’d be using his legs to guide her, not the leather straps.
Alvito moved his mount alongside, pinning Ramiro between himself and Gomez. “Don’t look so pale,” Alvito said with a grin. “You’ll not earn your beard this day.” He stroked his own neatly sculpted black whiskers, adding a wink to cut the sting of his words. His beard was artwork, all straight lines and right angles, shaved to the edge of the jaw line with a square patch under his lower lip. His hair tended to curl, a fashion Alvito encouraged with musk-scented oil. The heavy aroma didn’t seem to detract women; Alvito never had less than one or two hanging on his arm.
Gomez gave Ramiro a playful push from the other side with a fist the size of a ham, enough to knock him off the saddle if Ramiro hadn’t locked his legs. Gomez’s beard was a study in opposites from Alvito. A nest of brambles to his chest, hair grew wherever it could sprout. “You’ll stay the bisoño until we tell you otherwise, kiddo.”
Critique Workshop #15: SHRIVING FIRE
Title: SHRIVING FIREGenre: FantasyWord Count: 86,000
Query:
Jalana's surprise over learning that her boyfriend, Nick, is an angel, is nothing compared to the shock of accidentally sending him to another dimension.
Jalana's discovery places her squarely in the middle of a supernatural war as she works with Nick to streamline what had been thought to be impossible—crossing between dimensions without a waypoint. That is, until she stumbles on a kidnapping and watches her own work used to rip a child away from any hope of rescue.
Now Jalana is scrambling to fix her mistakes and stop the enslavement of humans. But to do this, she must team up with Takat, a dragon who already tried to kill her once. Takat soon shatters her misconceptions and she finds herself falling for him. However, nothing is going to stop Jalana from fighting the slavers.
And in war, there are casualties.
Please let me know if you would like to see SHRIVING FIRE, my fantasy manuscript that is complete at 86,000 words. Thank you for your consideration.
250:
Fire raged in front of me as my fingers danced over the input terminal pulling wisps of color into twisting tendrils. I paused trying to figure out the best way to integrate the flames over the landscape but finally pushed it to the side deciding that it would better fit the bird that was drifting in the sky. I muttered about how much work it would take to turn the tiny form into something majestic enough for the flames but luckily there was no one there to hear me talking to myself, again. I cupped my hands around the flames and the display form shimmered ever so slightly as my fingers passed through it. It looked so real that I could almost feel my hands beginning to warm up when an awful noise broke me out of my reverie.
Jerking to the side, I realized that it was my phone. As I scrambled towards the bedroom, where the perpetrator had last been seen, I saw colors misting off my hands towards the open window. Looking back at my computer in confusion I gasped realizing too late that I had never saved my picture. The screen was blank. I was still blasting obscenities in its general direction as I picked up the phone and heard a bemused “Is this a bad time, Jalana?”
“No,” I sighed, “your timing is fine. I somehow managed to magically delete what I'd been drawing and I'm pretty sure that it's gone for good.”
Query:
Jalana's surprise over learning that her boyfriend, Nick, is an angel, is nothing compared to the shock of accidentally sending him to another dimension.
Jalana's discovery places her squarely in the middle of a supernatural war as she works with Nick to streamline what had been thought to be impossible—crossing between dimensions without a waypoint. That is, until she stumbles on a kidnapping and watches her own work used to rip a child away from any hope of rescue.
Now Jalana is scrambling to fix her mistakes and stop the enslavement of humans. But to do this, she must team up with Takat, a dragon who already tried to kill her once. Takat soon shatters her misconceptions and she finds herself falling for him. However, nothing is going to stop Jalana from fighting the slavers.
And in war, there are casualties.
Please let me know if you would like to see SHRIVING FIRE, my fantasy manuscript that is complete at 86,000 words. Thank you for your consideration.
250:
Fire raged in front of me as my fingers danced over the input terminal pulling wisps of color into twisting tendrils. I paused trying to figure out the best way to integrate the flames over the landscape but finally pushed it to the side deciding that it would better fit the bird that was drifting in the sky. I muttered about how much work it would take to turn the tiny form into something majestic enough for the flames but luckily there was no one there to hear me talking to myself, again. I cupped my hands around the flames and the display form shimmered ever so slightly as my fingers passed through it. It looked so real that I could almost feel my hands beginning to warm up when an awful noise broke me out of my reverie.
Jerking to the side, I realized that it was my phone. As I scrambled towards the bedroom, where the perpetrator had last been seen, I saw colors misting off my hands towards the open window. Looking back at my computer in confusion I gasped realizing too late that I had never saved my picture. The screen was blank. I was still blasting obscenities in its general direction as I picked up the phone and heard a bemused “Is this a bad time, Jalana?”
“No,” I sighed, “your timing is fine. I somehow managed to magically delete what I'd been drawing and I'm pretty sure that it's gone for good.”
