Michelle Hauck's Blog, page 107
May 15, 2014
Spring Query Extravaganza #10
It's here!! I'll be doing a limited number of query critiques in the next few weeks to celebrate spring. Right now I have no spots open. If you'd like to polish your query, I have an editing service. Contact me through the twitter or the contact form on this blog. Query critiques are on sale for $20, payable through PayPal, and include two revisions.
Participants must comment on other Spring Query entries to pay it forward. If I notice someone not leaving comments, their query will get skipped.
Now to the fine print:
All query critiques are subjective. And rabbits don't come out of my hat, but I'll do my best. Objects in mirror may be closer than they appear. Buy one and I'll throw in a set of free steak knives, just pay separate shipping and handling fees. Plus, you know, I'm leaving pink comments in celebration of spring so you have to be able to tolerate pink.
As sent to me:
Dear [Agent’s Name]:
According to [my research], you represent fantasy novels. My epic fantasy novel, ADAMANT: ENEMY OF ELSINAIRE, is complete at 131,000 words.
In this GRACELING meets GAME OF THRONES epic, the more Ange and Nellwyn Ormonde demand to know why their father banished them, the closer they come to unearthing a secret with the power to ignite a civil war.
Sixteen-year-old Nellwyn worries her younger sister Ange is dying, but as two bastard girls living in near total exile, access to healers is limited. An invitation to a royal gala arrives — along with a revelation: they are legitimate daughters of Melandor Ormonde, the second most powerful man in Elsinaire. Though wary, Nellwyn agrees to attend, if only so City Throne healers can examine Ange.
The world beyond their modest home is not what they expect. Here, a tavernkeep must have a flame license to light his hearth, and a tree is worth more than gold. The King’s torch-lit gala gathers people who want to use the Ormonde girls for their own gains. The spoiled Elsinairian prince wants to marry the beautiful Nellwyn at first sight, and a wealthy seductress decides to manipulate Ange for self-preservation. Meanwhile, a first generation Stalfen slave questions his loyalty to a land he’s never seen, while his fellow slaves plot to take the Ormonde girls hostage. Lastly, a tattooed outlaw lurks amongst the crowd, armed with the mystery behind the Ormonde girls' parentage. But the Ormonde girls do not meet their father; he is absent, and Ange’s health is declining fast.
What’s worse: the erupting slave revolt and inferno ravaging wood-built City Throne are merely a cover. Someone wants both Ormonde girls silenced, and without the protection of their father, they must rely on the few relationships they formed at the gala. Betrayal follows. A tragic death snaps the branches of power, and the unlikeliest person ascends the throne with a deep-rooted rage destined to change Elsinaire forever.
I have an international M. Phil. degree in Creative Writing from Trinity College Dublin and am a managing editor for nationally distributed medical newsletters. Thank you so much for your consideration, and I look forward to hearing from you!
With my crazy comments:
Dear [Agent’s Name]:
According to [my research], you represent fantasy novels. My epic fantasy novel, ADAMANT: ENEMY OF ELSINAIRE, is complete at 131,000 words. High word count even for epic. Make sure the query and first pages are edited for unnecessary wordage.
In this GRACELING meets GAME OF THRONES epic, the more Ange and Nellwyn Ormonde demand to know why their father banished them(How do they speak with him if they are banished?), the closer they come to unearthing a secret with the power to ignite a civil war. Honestly, I fear this doesn't have enough specific details to create interest. We don't yet know any thing about the girls or their country to make us care about either. You might consider skipping this and going straight for the paragraph below. Or trying something more dramatic.
Long before they could walk or talk, Nellwyn and Ange Ormonde were banished to a cold exile. Now they might be able to find out why.
Sixteen-year-old(16? Is this YA then? That makes the word count really too high.) Nellwyn worries her younger sister Ange is dying(More interesting if we know what she's dying of.) , but as two bastard(Sounds like this is why they got banished.) girls living in near total('Near total' weakens the effect you're trying to create. It robs your sentence of oomph.) exile, access to healers is limited. An invitation to a royal gala arrives(Raising questions: If Ange is sick, how can she go?) — along with a revelation: they are legitimate daughters of Melandor Ormonde, the second most powerful man in Elsinaire.(This raises the question did they even know they were exiled until this point. And if they aren't really bastards, why did you say they were?) Though wary, Nellwyn agrees to attend, if only so City Throne healers can examine Ange. Pare it down just a little.
Kinless and alone, sixteen-year-old Nellwyn lives hand to mouth far from civilization, worrying her younger sister Ange is dying of her cough. Amazingly, an invitation to a royal gala arrives, along with a revelation: they're the legitimate daughters of the second most powerful man in Elsinaire. Distrustful and wary, Nellwyn can't miss this opportunity for City Throne healers to save Ange.
The world beyond their modest home is not what they expect. Here, a tavernkeep must have a flame license to light his hearth, and a tree is worth more than gold.(Neat, but I'm unsure if this worldbuilding belongs in a query. Maybe start with the girls being used.) The King’s torch-lit gala gathers people who want to use the Ormonde girls for their own gains. The spoiled Elsinairian prince wants to marry the beautiful(This may backfire because it's cliche. You want to interest because your mc is interesting, not good looking.) Nellwyn at first sight, and a wealthy seductress decides to manipulate Ange for self-preservation(This second part is too vague to have meaning. It's basically rehashing that people are trying use them.). Meanwhile, a first generation Stalfen slave questions his loyalty to a land he’s never seen(Without reading the story this has no meaning for us.), while his fellow slaves plot to take the Ormonde girls hostage. Lastly, a tattooed outlaw lurks amongst the crowd, armed with the mystery behind the Ormonde girls' parentage(Now this is important but I almost missed it. It blended with the crowd of other facts you threw at us.). But the Ormonde girls do not meet their father; he is absent, and Ange’s health is declining fast. (This sentence is sort of synopsis like.)
Nellwyn is disappoint when no long-lost father appears at the gala to speed them to the healers, just people determined to use the girls. The spoiled Elsinairian prince wants to marry Nellwyn. Rebelling slaves plot to take the Ormonde sisters hostage. With Ange's health declining fast, they bump into a tattooed outlaw lurking in the crowd who may hold the secret to their parentage.
What’s worse: the erupting slave revolt and inferno ravaging wood-built City Throne are merely a cover. Someone wants both Ormonde girls silenced, and without the protection of their father, they must rely on the few relationships they formed at the gala. Betrayal follows. A tragic death snaps the branches of power, and the unlikeliest person ascends the throne with a deep-rooted rage destined to change Elsinaire forever. (This kind of goes all over the place. Keep it tighter in focus. What happened to the tattooed outlaw? Him we want to know more about. What are the stakes? What good outcome does Nellwyn seek? What bad thing will happen if she fails?)
In the cover of the fiery slave revolt, someone tries to silence Nellwyn and does manage to snap the branch of power(only be more specific), putting an unlikely(only be more specific) tyrant on the throne. Now only the tattooed outlaw can reveal their mysterious heritage and save them long enough for a healer to reach Ange. Or he might just turn them over to the tyrant destroying Elsinaire.
I have an international M. Phil. degree in Creative Writing from Trinity College Dublin and am a managing editor for nationally distributed medical newsletters. Thank you so much for your consideration, and I look forward to hearing from you! (Good bio. You could cut 'I look forward to hearing from you.')
In spots this query goes all over the place. Keep the end focus on Nellwyn and what she want to happen. Contrast it with the worst that could happen if she fails. Don't forget to get that intriguing figure of the outlaw back and keep Ange's health over our head.
I remember this also from PitchSlam and it was on my maybe list. I'm a sucker for epic fantasy.
Participants must comment on other Spring Query entries to pay it forward. If I notice someone not leaving comments, their query will get skipped.
Now to the fine print:
All query critiques are subjective. And rabbits don't come out of my hat, but I'll do my best. Objects in mirror may be closer than they appear. Buy one and I'll throw in a set of free steak knives, just pay separate shipping and handling fees. Plus, you know, I'm leaving pink comments in celebration of spring so you have to be able to tolerate pink.
As sent to me:
Dear [Agent’s Name]:
According to [my research], you represent fantasy novels. My epic fantasy novel, ADAMANT: ENEMY OF ELSINAIRE, is complete at 131,000 words.
In this GRACELING meets GAME OF THRONES epic, the more Ange and Nellwyn Ormonde demand to know why their father banished them, the closer they come to unearthing a secret with the power to ignite a civil war.
Sixteen-year-old Nellwyn worries her younger sister Ange is dying, but as two bastard girls living in near total exile, access to healers is limited. An invitation to a royal gala arrives — along with a revelation: they are legitimate daughters of Melandor Ormonde, the second most powerful man in Elsinaire. Though wary, Nellwyn agrees to attend, if only so City Throne healers can examine Ange.
The world beyond their modest home is not what they expect. Here, a tavernkeep must have a flame license to light his hearth, and a tree is worth more than gold. The King’s torch-lit gala gathers people who want to use the Ormonde girls for their own gains. The spoiled Elsinairian prince wants to marry the beautiful Nellwyn at first sight, and a wealthy seductress decides to manipulate Ange for self-preservation. Meanwhile, a first generation Stalfen slave questions his loyalty to a land he’s never seen, while his fellow slaves plot to take the Ormonde girls hostage. Lastly, a tattooed outlaw lurks amongst the crowd, armed with the mystery behind the Ormonde girls' parentage. But the Ormonde girls do not meet their father; he is absent, and Ange’s health is declining fast.
What’s worse: the erupting slave revolt and inferno ravaging wood-built City Throne are merely a cover. Someone wants both Ormonde girls silenced, and without the protection of their father, they must rely on the few relationships they formed at the gala. Betrayal follows. A tragic death snaps the branches of power, and the unlikeliest person ascends the throne with a deep-rooted rage destined to change Elsinaire forever.
I have an international M. Phil. degree in Creative Writing from Trinity College Dublin and am a managing editor for nationally distributed medical newsletters. Thank you so much for your consideration, and I look forward to hearing from you!
With my crazy comments:
Dear [Agent’s Name]:
According to [my research], you represent fantasy novels. My epic fantasy novel, ADAMANT: ENEMY OF ELSINAIRE, is complete at 131,000 words. High word count even for epic. Make sure the query and first pages are edited for unnecessary wordage.
In this GRACELING meets GAME OF THRONES epic, the more Ange and Nellwyn Ormonde demand to know why their father banished them(How do they speak with him if they are banished?), the closer they come to unearthing a secret with the power to ignite a civil war. Honestly, I fear this doesn't have enough specific details to create interest. We don't yet know any thing about the girls or their country to make us care about either. You might consider skipping this and going straight for the paragraph below. Or trying something more dramatic.
Long before they could walk or talk, Nellwyn and Ange Ormonde were banished to a cold exile. Now they might be able to find out why.
Sixteen-year-old(16? Is this YA then? That makes the word count really too high.) Nellwyn worries her younger sister Ange is dying(More interesting if we know what she's dying of.) , but as two bastard(Sounds like this is why they got banished.) girls living in near total('Near total' weakens the effect you're trying to create. It robs your sentence of oomph.) exile, access to healers is limited. An invitation to a royal gala arrives(Raising questions: If Ange is sick, how can she go?) — along with a revelation: they are legitimate daughters of Melandor Ormonde, the second most powerful man in Elsinaire.(This raises the question did they even know they were exiled until this point. And if they aren't really bastards, why did you say they were?) Though wary, Nellwyn agrees to attend, if only so City Throne healers can examine Ange. Pare it down just a little.
Kinless and alone, sixteen-year-old Nellwyn lives hand to mouth far from civilization, worrying her younger sister Ange is dying of her cough. Amazingly, an invitation to a royal gala arrives, along with a revelation: they're the legitimate daughters of the second most powerful man in Elsinaire. Distrustful and wary, Nellwyn can't miss this opportunity for City Throne healers to save Ange.
The world beyond their modest home is not what they expect. Here, a tavernkeep must have a flame license to light his hearth, and a tree is worth more than gold.(Neat, but I'm unsure if this worldbuilding belongs in a query. Maybe start with the girls being used.) The King’s torch-lit gala gathers people who want to use the Ormonde girls for their own gains. The spoiled Elsinairian prince wants to marry the beautiful(This may backfire because it's cliche. You want to interest because your mc is interesting, not good looking.) Nellwyn at first sight, and a wealthy seductress decides to manipulate Ange for self-preservation(This second part is too vague to have meaning. It's basically rehashing that people are trying use them.). Meanwhile, a first generation Stalfen slave questions his loyalty to a land he’s never seen(Without reading the story this has no meaning for us.), while his fellow slaves plot to take the Ormonde girls hostage. Lastly, a tattooed outlaw lurks amongst the crowd, armed with the mystery behind the Ormonde girls' parentage(Now this is important but I almost missed it. It blended with the crowd of other facts you threw at us.). But the Ormonde girls do not meet their father; he is absent, and Ange’s health is declining fast. (This sentence is sort of synopsis like.)
Nellwyn is disappoint when no long-lost father appears at the gala to speed them to the healers, just people determined to use the girls. The spoiled Elsinairian prince wants to marry Nellwyn. Rebelling slaves plot to take the Ormonde sisters hostage. With Ange's health declining fast, they bump into a tattooed outlaw lurking in the crowd who may hold the secret to their parentage.
What’s worse: the erupting slave revolt and inferno ravaging wood-built City Throne are merely a cover. Someone wants both Ormonde girls silenced, and without the protection of their father, they must rely on the few relationships they formed at the gala. Betrayal follows. A tragic death snaps the branches of power, and the unlikeliest person ascends the throne with a deep-rooted rage destined to change Elsinaire forever. (This kind of goes all over the place. Keep it tighter in focus. What happened to the tattooed outlaw? Him we want to know more about. What are the stakes? What good outcome does Nellwyn seek? What bad thing will happen if she fails?)
In the cover of the fiery slave revolt, someone tries to silence Nellwyn and does manage to snap the branch of power(only be more specific), putting an unlikely(only be more specific) tyrant on the throne. Now only the tattooed outlaw can reveal their mysterious heritage and save them long enough for a healer to reach Ange. Or he might just turn them over to the tyrant destroying Elsinaire.
I have an international M. Phil. degree in Creative Writing from Trinity College Dublin and am a managing editor for nationally distributed medical newsletters. Thank you so much for your consideration, and I look forward to hearing from you! (Good bio. You could cut 'I look forward to hearing from you.')
In spots this query goes all over the place. Keep the end focus on Nellwyn and what she want to happen. Contrast it with the worst that could happen if she fails. Don't forget to get that intriguing figure of the outlaw back and keep Ange's health over our head.
I remember this also from PitchSlam and it was on my maybe list. I'm a sucker for epic fantasy.
May 14, 2014
Getting the Call: Olivia Hinebaugh
What happens if you get an agent, but it doesn't work out? You get your butt right back out there. Which is exactly what Olivia Hinebaugh did! I'm so happy to share her bright, sparkling new story. What a great way to move on for this classy lady after a big disappointment. And pay special attention to her advice in the last paragraph!
Hooray! I have a Getting The Call story!
Rewind to October 2013. My second completed manuscript PLAY IT COOL, CLAIRE was doing fairly well in queries but I hadn’t nabbed an agent after 6 full requests and a handful of partials. A short time later, I signed with an agent and realized before going on submission, that it wasn’t a good fit. So I left. And at the beginning of 2014, I was starting from square one.
In February I finished my third manuscript LEAVING PEACESYLVANIA. I did the CP thing and the beta thing and I had written a query letter, a twitter pitch, a 100 word pitch, a 35 word pitch. I was going to do two contests in March and sort of see how it was doing before querying in earnest.
Fast forward. I not only made it into the agent round of Pitch Plus 1 on Adventures in YA publishing, I got 2 full requests out of it and I won. (Holy freaking, cow, that was a good day.) So I sent a couple queries out to my tippy top choices because in case one of those requests turned into an offer, I wanted to have reached out to everyone I thought might be a good fit.
Then I entered Brenda Drake’s Pitch Madness and made it into the agent round there. (Hooray!) I was on Becca Weston and Marieke Nijkamp’s team. And I had 2 more fulls out from queries. So I had 4 fulls out total and I got another request on Pitch Madness.
5 fulls! At once! Cue fingernail biting and exciting DMs on twitter. (Please follow my fave cheerleaders @allodoxoph0bia@natalie_blitt@jessie_devine@AJ_Pineetc etc. Full list available upon request.)
And I realized then that I needed to get my last few queries out. I was lucky enough to have a referral from a CP. I was able to send the query to her agent directly.
Are you ready for some awesomesauce? I queried said agent. (We will call her Awesome Agent.) And Awesome Agent immediately wrote back saying she took referrals seriously and wanted to see the full manuscript. WITHIN 1 HOUR OF SENDING THE QUERY. A few hours later Awesome Agent had downloaded the file and told me she looked forward to reading. THE VERY NEXT MORNING (no seriously, cue the freakout) she emailed me and said she had read the entire manuscript in one sitting and wanted to talk.
And when we talked, it was awesome. She was clearly enthusiastic. It checked a lot of her boxes. It even fit one of her #MSWL tweets from earlier in the year. She had some great editorial suggestions.
So I nudged. And everyone I nudged was super nice. Although, let’s face it, nudging is nerve-wracking. In my previous experience on my last manuscript, everyone I nudged stepped aside. And I was totally okay with that, because Awesome Agent was, well, awesome.
An hour after I sent the nudge I got an email from another agent. We’ll call her Outstanding Agent. And Outstanding Agent basically said: “rats! I was going to offer and I can’t believe someone beat me to it.” I read that email, like a dozen times. Her enthusiasm was also apparent. She said she was going to finish her close read and call me the next day.
I heard back on quite a few nudges. 1 Super Agent said she would have offered an R&R but understood why I’d jump on an offer. Another passed because she was out of the country. I read and re-read Dahlia Adler’s blog poston nudging. And I couldn’t believe this was my life.
Then I talked to Outstanding Agent. I was skeptical that she could top Awesome Agent. Seriously. I had really high expectations. Since I had an agent before and it hadn’t worked out, I was really clear on what I was looking for. And somehow, Outstanding Agent completely wowed me. We talked on the phone for a long time. (A long long long long time. Like two and half hours long.) Her editorial suggestions resonated even better with my vision for the book. She was really confident she could find it a publishing home. And I just really liked talking to her. But she knew I had another offer on the table. And I was waiting on a two agents who were still reading and a couple other queries and other loose ends.
That week...was slow. And I fretted a bit about my decision. I would have been happy with either agent, but my gut was saying to go with Outstanding Agent. The day before I was going to accept the offer, one last agent said she wanted to talk to me!
I fretted even more. When I spoke with that agent, she just didn’t meet the enthusiasm of the other two, so it was a short call. And it was really weird for me to say “thanks, but no thanks.” Because this agent was awesome too! Sigh.
But finally, I called Outstanding Agent to accept. And there was much rejoicing. Seriously. I was giddy. Outstanding Agent was excited.
I had to send a very sad and difficult email to Awesome Agent. (This was really really hard!)
And then there was even more rejoicing! So now I am represented by Carrie Howland at Donadio & Olson. She is lovely. And her clients love her. And she sells books. And I loved chatting with her on the phone and she was enthusiastic about all my projects. What more could you want?
The takeaway: do contests! If you can get a referral from an existing client: great! And know what you want. Don’t query agents you aren’t super enthused about or that might not be a good fit. You want someone on your side who is as enthusiastic as Carrie or Awesome Agent.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bio: Olivia Hinebaugh is a write-at-home-mom of two. When her babies are sleeping and she isn’t writing parenting articles for Mothering Magazine (or neglecting her messy house) she can be found dreaming up Young Adult stories. Baby snores and clacking keyboards are her favorite sounds. Visit her website! And if you are in the DC area, she would love it if you would check out the production she is performing in later this month: This Is My Brave. (If you aren’t in the area, check out all the great work the non-profit behind the show does.) And for the love of all that is caffeinated, please follow her on twitter. XOXO
Hooray! I have a Getting The Call story!
Rewind to October 2013. My second completed manuscript PLAY IT COOL, CLAIRE was doing fairly well in queries but I hadn’t nabbed an agent after 6 full requests and a handful of partials. A short time later, I signed with an agent and realized before going on submission, that it wasn’t a good fit. So I left. And at the beginning of 2014, I was starting from square one.
In February I finished my third manuscript LEAVING PEACESYLVANIA. I did the CP thing and the beta thing and I had written a query letter, a twitter pitch, a 100 word pitch, a 35 word pitch. I was going to do two contests in March and sort of see how it was doing before querying in earnest.
Fast forward. I not only made it into the agent round of Pitch Plus 1 on Adventures in YA publishing, I got 2 full requests out of it and I won. (Holy freaking, cow, that was a good day.) So I sent a couple queries out to my tippy top choices because in case one of those requests turned into an offer, I wanted to have reached out to everyone I thought might be a good fit.
Then I entered Brenda Drake’s Pitch Madness and made it into the agent round there. (Hooray!) I was on Becca Weston and Marieke Nijkamp’s team. And I had 2 more fulls out from queries. So I had 4 fulls out total and I got another request on Pitch Madness.
5 fulls! At once! Cue fingernail biting and exciting DMs on twitter. (Please follow my fave cheerleaders @allodoxoph0bia@natalie_blitt@jessie_devine@AJ_Pineetc etc. Full list available upon request.)
And I realized then that I needed to get my last few queries out. I was lucky enough to have a referral from a CP. I was able to send the query to her agent directly.
Are you ready for some awesomesauce? I queried said agent. (We will call her Awesome Agent.) And Awesome Agent immediately wrote back saying she took referrals seriously and wanted to see the full manuscript. WITHIN 1 HOUR OF SENDING THE QUERY. A few hours later Awesome Agent had downloaded the file and told me she looked forward to reading. THE VERY NEXT MORNING (no seriously, cue the freakout) she emailed me and said she had read the entire manuscript in one sitting and wanted to talk.
And when we talked, it was awesome. She was clearly enthusiastic. It checked a lot of her boxes. It even fit one of her #MSWL tweets from earlier in the year. She had some great editorial suggestions.
So I nudged. And everyone I nudged was super nice. Although, let’s face it, nudging is nerve-wracking. In my previous experience on my last manuscript, everyone I nudged stepped aside. And I was totally okay with that, because Awesome Agent was, well, awesome.
An hour after I sent the nudge I got an email from another agent. We’ll call her Outstanding Agent. And Outstanding Agent basically said: “rats! I was going to offer and I can’t believe someone beat me to it.” I read that email, like a dozen times. Her enthusiasm was also apparent. She said she was going to finish her close read and call me the next day.
I heard back on quite a few nudges. 1 Super Agent said she would have offered an R&R but understood why I’d jump on an offer. Another passed because she was out of the country. I read and re-read Dahlia Adler’s blog poston nudging. And I couldn’t believe this was my life.
Then I talked to Outstanding Agent. I was skeptical that she could top Awesome Agent. Seriously. I had really high expectations. Since I had an agent before and it hadn’t worked out, I was really clear on what I was looking for. And somehow, Outstanding Agent completely wowed me. We talked on the phone for a long time. (A long long long long time. Like two and half hours long.) Her editorial suggestions resonated even better with my vision for the book. She was really confident she could find it a publishing home. And I just really liked talking to her. But she knew I had another offer on the table. And I was waiting on a two agents who were still reading and a couple other queries and other loose ends.
That week...was slow. And I fretted a bit about my decision. I would have been happy with either agent, but my gut was saying to go with Outstanding Agent. The day before I was going to accept the offer, one last agent said she wanted to talk to me!
I fretted even more. When I spoke with that agent, she just didn’t meet the enthusiasm of the other two, so it was a short call. And it was really weird for me to say “thanks, but no thanks.” Because this agent was awesome too! Sigh.
But finally, I called Outstanding Agent to accept. And there was much rejoicing. Seriously. I was giddy. Outstanding Agent was excited.
I had to send a very sad and difficult email to Awesome Agent. (This was really really hard!)
And then there was even more rejoicing! So now I am represented by Carrie Howland at Donadio & Olson. She is lovely. And her clients love her. And she sells books. And I loved chatting with her on the phone and she was enthusiastic about all my projects. What more could you want?
The takeaway: do contests! If you can get a referral from an existing client: great! And know what you want. Don’t query agents you aren’t super enthused about or that might not be a good fit. You want someone on your side who is as enthusiastic as Carrie or Awesome Agent.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bio: Olivia Hinebaugh is a write-at-home-mom of two. When her babies are sleeping and she isn’t writing parenting articles for Mothering Magazine (or neglecting her messy house) she can be found dreaming up Young Adult stories. Baby snores and clacking keyboards are her favorite sounds. Visit her website! And if you are in the DC area, she would love it if you would check out the production she is performing in later this month: This Is My Brave. (If you aren’t in the area, check out all the great work the non-profit behind the show does.) And for the love of all that is caffeinated, please follow her on twitter. XOXO
May 13, 2014
Query Questions with Maria Vicente
This will probably be the last Query Questions until Query Kombat wraps up. There is just so much happening that my blog is packed! Don't miss submissions for Query Kombat on May 22nd!
Writers have copious amounts of imagination. It's what makes their stories so fantastic. But there's a darker side to so much out of the box thinking. When a writer is in the query trenches, their worries go into overdrive. They start pulling out their hair and imagine every possible disaster.
Here to relieve some of that endless worrying is a new series of posts called Query Questions. I'll ask the questions which prey on every writer's mind, and hopefully take some of the pain out of querying. These are questions that I've seen tossed around on twitter and writing sites like Agent Query Connect. They are the type of questions that you need answers for the real expert--agents!
If you have your own specific query question, please leave it in the comments and it might show up in future editions of Query Questions as I plan to rotate the questions.
A big welcome to Maria Vicente of P.S. Literary Agency. Thanks to her for taking the time to answer some questions.
Is there a better or worse time of year to query?This is one of those silly querying myths. Agents read queries year-round. It doesn’t matter what time of the year, or time of the day, you send a query letter—agents read queries when they have some spare time, not the moment they arrive in our inbox. The only bad time to query is when an agent is closed to submissions. Check agency and/or personal websites to make sure the agent is currently accepting queries.
Does one typo or misplaced comma shoot down the entire query?No. We all make mistakes. It’s still important to edit your query letter—multiple grammar or spelling errors is a red flag—but if you accidentally hit an extra key on your keyboard, your query won’t be automatically rejected.
Do you look at sample pages without fail or only if the query is strong?At P.S. Literary we don’t ask for sample pages with query letters, so we only request material if the query successfully catches our attention.
Do you have an assistant or intern go through your queries first or do you check all of them?I go through all of the queries on my own. We share a query inbox at P.S. Literary, so we all read every query that is submitted to the agency.
If the manuscript has a prologue, do you want it included with the sample pages?Yes. The prologue should be meaningful enough to the story for you to include it in your manuscript in the first place, so if I ask to see the first few chapters then I also want to see the prologue.
Do you prefer a little personalized chit-chat in a query letter, or would you rather hear about the manuscript?I prefer when a query letter is personalized. Tell me why you’re querying me specifically, whether it’s because you noticed one of my #MSWL tweets or something on my website’s wish list relates to what you’ve written.
Most agents have said they don’t care whether the word count/genre sentence comes first or last. But is it a red flag if one component is not included?I always want to know the word count and the category/genre, so yes it’s a “red flag” if this information is not included. I personally prefer this sentence at the start of the query letter, just so I know what to look for in the pitch. Like you’ve said, it doesn’t really matter whether it comes first or last—just as long as it is there.
Writers hear a lot about limiting the number of named characters in a query. Do you feel keeping named characters to a certain number makes for a clearer query?Yes! Queries should deal with the main character(s) and the main plot. Including too many characters or minor subplots runs the risk of confusing the reader. Like Don Draper said: “Make it simple, but significant.”
Should writers sweat the title of their book (and character names) or is that something that is often changed by publishers?The title of your book makes a strong first impression, as do your characters’ names. That being said, book titles often change throughout the publication process so it’s best not to get too attached.
Many agents say they don't care if writers are active online. Could a twitter account or blog presence by a writer tip the scales in getting a request or offer? And do you require writers you sign to start one?An online presence definitely impacts a request or offer for nonfiction writers. When it comes to fiction writers, I think social media only works if it comes naturally. There’s no point in starting a blog if you don’t have the motivation to keep it regularly updated. Similarly with social media accounts: followers can tell if you’re being genuine or not.
Some writers have asked about including links to their blogs or manuscript-related artwork. I’m sure it’s not appropriate to add those links in a query, but are links in an email signature offensive?If I am interested in a writer, I always search for them online. Having those links in the query letter—or the email signature—makes that process a lot easier. If someone is an author/illustrator, I absolutely want a link to an online portfolio. Other than that, it’s usually easier to include links to websites and social media accounts in the signature so that they are out of the way, but still accessible for those agents who want to learn more.
If a writer makes changes to their manuscript due to feedback should they resend the query or only if material was requested?If an agent still hasn’t responded to your initial query, chances are good that they won’t see your email with the revised manWhat bio should an author with no publishing credits include?It’s okay to mention that you’re a debut writer. You can include any writing affiliations you may have (degrees, certificates, workshops, conferences), any websites or blogs you may contribute to, and tell us a little about your personality—your day job, your hobbies, etc.
What does ‘just not right for me’ mean to you?Well, it means exactly that. When readers walk into a bookstore, we don’t want to buy every book that we examine. Even if you love YA Fantasy, that doesn’t mean you’re interested in every YA Fantasy book ever published. Querying works the same way: even if agents represent your category/genre, that doesn’t mean the concept is what they are looking for or that your writing style is something that they will fall in love with.
What three things are at the top of your submission wish list? 1. Magical realism for adult literary fiction, YA, or middle grade. 2. Contemporary YA with a focus on friendship rather than romance. 3. Something really scary.
What are some of your favorite movies or books to give us an idea of your tastes?
My favourite TV shows are probably the best indicators of my eclectic taste: Dawson’s Creek, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Dexter, White Collar, Fringe, Friends, How I Met Your Mother, Glee, Firefly, and Modern Family. My favourite books are similarly random: Wicked, The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay, The Big Sleep, Watership Down, Of Bees and Mist, The Great Gatsby, and Winesburg, Ohio. My favourite movies are About A Boy, Moulin Rouge, and Wall-E.
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Maria Vicente began her publishing career as an intern with Bree Ogden at D4EO Literary Agency. She was an intern at PSLA before joining the Agency as an associate agent. Maria has a B.A. in English Literature from Carleton University and a B.Ed. from The University of Western Ontario. Her reading preferences vary across categories and she is interested in writers with unique and creative concepts. Maria is actively looking for Literary and Commercial Fiction, LGBT, New Adult, high-concept Young Adult, Middle Grade, high-concept Picture Books, and nonfiction in the Pop Culture, Pop Psychology, Design, and Lifestyle categories. She does not represent poetry or screenplays.
Writers have copious amounts of imagination. It's what makes their stories so fantastic. But there's a darker side to so much out of the box thinking. When a writer is in the query trenches, their worries go into overdrive. They start pulling out their hair and imagine every possible disaster.
Here to relieve some of that endless worrying is a new series of posts called Query Questions. I'll ask the questions which prey on every writer's mind, and hopefully take some of the pain out of querying. These are questions that I've seen tossed around on twitter and writing sites like Agent Query Connect. They are the type of questions that you need answers for the real expert--agents!
If you have your own specific query question, please leave it in the comments and it might show up in future editions of Query Questions as I plan to rotate the questions.
A big welcome to Maria Vicente of P.S. Literary Agency. Thanks to her for taking the time to answer some questions.
Is there a better or worse time of year to query?This is one of those silly querying myths. Agents read queries year-round. It doesn’t matter what time of the year, or time of the day, you send a query letter—agents read queries when they have some spare time, not the moment they arrive in our inbox. The only bad time to query is when an agent is closed to submissions. Check agency and/or personal websites to make sure the agent is currently accepting queries.
Does one typo or misplaced comma shoot down the entire query?No. We all make mistakes. It’s still important to edit your query letter—multiple grammar or spelling errors is a red flag—but if you accidentally hit an extra key on your keyboard, your query won’t be automatically rejected.
Do you look at sample pages without fail or only if the query is strong?At P.S. Literary we don’t ask for sample pages with query letters, so we only request material if the query successfully catches our attention.
Do you have an assistant or intern go through your queries first or do you check all of them?I go through all of the queries on my own. We share a query inbox at P.S. Literary, so we all read every query that is submitted to the agency.
If the manuscript has a prologue, do you want it included with the sample pages?Yes. The prologue should be meaningful enough to the story for you to include it in your manuscript in the first place, so if I ask to see the first few chapters then I also want to see the prologue.
Do you prefer a little personalized chit-chat in a query letter, or would you rather hear about the manuscript?I prefer when a query letter is personalized. Tell me why you’re querying me specifically, whether it’s because you noticed one of my #MSWL tweets or something on my website’s wish list relates to what you’ve written.
Most agents have said they don’t care whether the word count/genre sentence comes first or last. But is it a red flag if one component is not included?I always want to know the word count and the category/genre, so yes it’s a “red flag” if this information is not included. I personally prefer this sentence at the start of the query letter, just so I know what to look for in the pitch. Like you’ve said, it doesn’t really matter whether it comes first or last—just as long as it is there.
Writers hear a lot about limiting the number of named characters in a query. Do you feel keeping named characters to a certain number makes for a clearer query?Yes! Queries should deal with the main character(s) and the main plot. Including too many characters or minor subplots runs the risk of confusing the reader. Like Don Draper said: “Make it simple, but significant.”
Should writers sweat the title of their book (and character names) or is that something that is often changed by publishers?The title of your book makes a strong first impression, as do your characters’ names. That being said, book titles often change throughout the publication process so it’s best not to get too attached.
Many agents say they don't care if writers are active online. Could a twitter account or blog presence by a writer tip the scales in getting a request or offer? And do you require writers you sign to start one?An online presence definitely impacts a request or offer for nonfiction writers. When it comes to fiction writers, I think social media only works if it comes naturally. There’s no point in starting a blog if you don’t have the motivation to keep it regularly updated. Similarly with social media accounts: followers can tell if you’re being genuine or not.
Some writers have asked about including links to their blogs or manuscript-related artwork. I’m sure it’s not appropriate to add those links in a query, but are links in an email signature offensive?If I am interested in a writer, I always search for them online. Having those links in the query letter—or the email signature—makes that process a lot easier. If someone is an author/illustrator, I absolutely want a link to an online portfolio. Other than that, it’s usually easier to include links to websites and social media accounts in the signature so that they are out of the way, but still accessible for those agents who want to learn more.
If a writer makes changes to their manuscript due to feedback should they resend the query or only if material was requested?If an agent still hasn’t responded to your initial query, chances are good that they won’t see your email with the revised manWhat bio should an author with no publishing credits include?It’s okay to mention that you’re a debut writer. You can include any writing affiliations you may have (degrees, certificates, workshops, conferences), any websites or blogs you may contribute to, and tell us a little about your personality—your day job, your hobbies, etc.
What does ‘just not right for me’ mean to you?Well, it means exactly that. When readers walk into a bookstore, we don’t want to buy every book that we examine. Even if you love YA Fantasy, that doesn’t mean you’re interested in every YA Fantasy book ever published. Querying works the same way: even if agents represent your category/genre, that doesn’t mean the concept is what they are looking for or that your writing style is something that they will fall in love with.
What three things are at the top of your submission wish list? 1. Magical realism for adult literary fiction, YA, or middle grade. 2. Contemporary YA with a focus on friendship rather than romance. 3. Something really scary.
What are some of your favorite movies or books to give us an idea of your tastes?
My favourite TV shows are probably the best indicators of my eclectic taste: Dawson’s Creek, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Dexter, White Collar, Fringe, Friends, How I Met Your Mother, Glee, Firefly, and Modern Family. My favourite books are similarly random: Wicked, The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay, The Big Sleep, Watership Down, Of Bees and Mist, The Great Gatsby, and Winesburg, Ohio. My favourite movies are About A Boy, Moulin Rouge, and Wall-E.
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Maria Vicente began her publishing career as an intern with Bree Ogden at D4EO Literary Agency. She was an intern at PSLA before joining the Agency as an associate agent. Maria has a B.A. in English Literature from Carleton University and a B.Ed. from The University of Western Ontario. Her reading preferences vary across categories and she is interested in writers with unique and creative concepts. Maria is actively looking for Literary and Commercial Fiction, LGBT, New Adult, high-concept Young Adult, Middle Grade, high-concept Picture Books, and nonfiction in the Pop Culture, Pop Psychology, Design, and Lifestyle categories. She does not represent poetry or screenplays.
May 12, 2014
Query Kombat Free Pass!
Before the free pass, how about a party?! The best thing about contests is they create a sense of fun community among writers. SC, Mike, and I are all about having fun! So we thought we give you a little something to do before and after the Query Kombat submissions are sent.
Twitter party! There will be topics and things to talk about on May 21 and during the wait time until the chosen entries are released on May 30th. We’ll start with naming your category/genre to help those who may not be so sure to finalize their answers.
Just tweet your answers under the hashtag #QueryKombat and have some fun meeting and talking with other Kombatants, judges, and your hosts.
May 21st Tweet your category and genre. Ask questions about genre if you’re unsure where your manuscript fits.
May 22-23rd Tweet what time you submitted your entry to our QK email. Nerves and jitters can be calmed by sharing with others. Also tweet out what you find the hardest about writing. Is it keeping out telling? Writing action scenes? What’s hard for you?
May 24th Tweet your main character’s name and a special tidbit about them. See what sorts of names are popular and if anyone else shares MC’s names with you.
May 25th Tweet your entry Nickname and why you choose it.
May 26th Tweet out those first lines.
May 27th Tweet the very last lines of your manuscript.
May 28th Tweet us your villain’s name and something evil about them.
May 29th Tweet the title of a soothing song that is helping you get through the day before the picks are revealed. Hold hands and sing Kumbaya lyrics like the band of friends you’ve become. (We’ll be running around like crazy gerbils getting everything ready.)
The hosts will post reminders for you in the #QueryKombat feed. It’s all about “Getting to know you, Getting to know all about you” and having fun!
Now on to the Free Pass Opportunities!
With 64 Kombatants, we get to make 21 picks each! (Mike as creator of the contest gets 22.) Our generous spirits want to make it easy for our contestants. What better way than to spare someone from the slush pile?
One lucky winner times three! Mike, SC, and I are each setting up our own contests to find one Free Pass winner to go straight into the Query Kombat first round. (Find Mike's contest here and SC's here. You can enter all three, but you only have to win one!) **Free Pass does not guarantee a spot in the agent round, but will get you feedback from our fabulous judges.
What to do? What to do?
A Simple Wish
I was going to do the usual rafflecopter contest. Follow me here, like me there. Then I watched Saving Mr. Banks last night and had a new idea.
You see in that movie Walt Disney loved Mary Poppins so much he was ready to undergo whatever a rather difficult author, who didn't want to release control, required. And it touched me to think someone could love a story so much that they'd do anything to share it. We all have that simple wish for our stories.
So in honor of that sentiment, I want to hear your simple wishes for your stories or your writing career. Reach down to that secret corner of your heart where wishes hide and share just a little. I'll even go first.
My simple wish would be for the dystopian market to pick up again so one of the stories of my heart will have a chance.
Now your turn. Leave your simple wish as a comment. One comment per person. Be sure to include a twitter handle or email address so I can reach you.
On May 20th I'll use a random number generator to pull one winner.
May there be many agent/writer connections in Query Kombat!
And if you'd like to follow or like me, well, that would be nice. Here's my handy-dandy links:
Twitter: @Michelle4LaughsBlog: Michelle4Laughs: It’s in the DetailsFacebook: Michelle Hauck, AuthorGoodreads: Kindar’s CureTumblr: Michelle4Laughs
Kindar’s Cure on Amazon PaperbackKindar’s Cure on Barnes and Noble
Twitter party! There will be topics and things to talk about on May 21 and during the wait time until the chosen entries are released on May 30th. We’ll start with naming your category/genre to help those who may not be so sure to finalize their answers.
Just tweet your answers under the hashtag #QueryKombat and have some fun meeting and talking with other Kombatants, judges, and your hosts.
May 21st Tweet your category and genre. Ask questions about genre if you’re unsure where your manuscript fits.
May 22-23rd Tweet what time you submitted your entry to our QK email. Nerves and jitters can be calmed by sharing with others. Also tweet out what you find the hardest about writing. Is it keeping out telling? Writing action scenes? What’s hard for you?
May 24th Tweet your main character’s name and a special tidbit about them. See what sorts of names are popular and if anyone else shares MC’s names with you.
May 25th Tweet your entry Nickname and why you choose it.
May 26th Tweet out those first lines.
May 27th Tweet the very last lines of your manuscript.
May 28th Tweet us your villain’s name and something evil about them.
May 29th Tweet the title of a soothing song that is helping you get through the day before the picks are revealed. Hold hands and sing Kumbaya lyrics like the band of friends you’ve become. (We’ll be running around like crazy gerbils getting everything ready.)
The hosts will post reminders for you in the #QueryKombat feed. It’s all about “Getting to know you, Getting to know all about you” and having fun!
Now on to the Free Pass Opportunities!
With 64 Kombatants, we get to make 21 picks each! (Mike as creator of the contest gets 22.) Our generous spirits want to make it easy for our contestants. What better way than to spare someone from the slush pile?
One lucky winner times three! Mike, SC, and I are each setting up our own contests to find one Free Pass winner to go straight into the Query Kombat first round. (Find Mike's contest here and SC's here. You can enter all three, but you only have to win one!) **Free Pass does not guarantee a spot in the agent round, but will get you feedback from our fabulous judges.
What to do? What to do?
A Simple Wish
I was going to do the usual rafflecopter contest. Follow me here, like me there. Then I watched Saving Mr. Banks last night and had a new idea.
You see in that movie Walt Disney loved Mary Poppins so much he was ready to undergo whatever a rather difficult author, who didn't want to release control, required. And it touched me to think someone could love a story so much that they'd do anything to share it. We all have that simple wish for our stories.
So in honor of that sentiment, I want to hear your simple wishes for your stories or your writing career. Reach down to that secret corner of your heart where wishes hide and share just a little. I'll even go first.
My simple wish would be for the dystopian market to pick up again so one of the stories of my heart will have a chance.
Now your turn. Leave your simple wish as a comment. One comment per person. Be sure to include a twitter handle or email address so I can reach you.
On May 20th I'll use a random number generator to pull one winner.
May there be many agent/writer connections in Query Kombat!
And if you'd like to follow or like me, well, that would be nice. Here's my handy-dandy links:
Twitter: @Michelle4LaughsBlog: Michelle4Laughs: It’s in the DetailsFacebook: Michelle Hauck, AuthorGoodreads: Kindar’s CureTumblr: Michelle4Laughs
Kindar’s Cure on Amazon PaperbackKindar’s Cure on Barnes and Noble
May 10, 2014
Write Club
Does your writing have the stuff?
Here's a chance to find out and maybe secure bragging rights. DL Hammons is having his annual contest called Write Club. Submissions are the entire month of May. Enter with a 500 word story in any genre. A panel of judges will pick the best 32, which will anonymously go head to head. Twice a week he'll post matchups of flash fiction over the next eight weeks, and the winner will move forward until there is one standing.
Sound familiar?
Unlike Query Kombat, this is about flash fiction. Crafting amazing stories in very few words. Bringing a scene to life by making every word count. Who could resist!
See you there anonymously.
Here's a chance to find out and maybe secure bragging rights. DL Hammons is having his annual contest called Write Club. Submissions are the entire month of May. Enter with a 500 word story in any genre. A panel of judges will pick the best 32, which will anonymously go head to head. Twice a week he'll post matchups of flash fiction over the next eight weeks, and the winner will move forward until there is one standing.
Sound familiar?
Unlike Query Kombat, this is about flash fiction. Crafting amazing stories in very few words. Bringing a scene to life by making every word count. Who could resist!
See you there anonymously.
May 9, 2014
Behind the Scenes: Thereafter Cover Art
Nothing in life is free. Turns out, nothing in the afterlife is, either.
When recently-deceased Irene Dunphy decided to “follow the light,” she thought she’d end up in Heaven or Hell and her journey would be over.
Boy, was she wrong.
She soon finds that “the other side” isn’t a final destination but a kind of purgatory where billions of spirits are stuck, with no way to move forward or back. Even worse, deranged phantoms known as “Hungry Ghosts” stalk the dead, intent on destroying them. The only way out is for Irene to forget her life on earth—including the boy who risked everything to help her cross over—which she’s not about to do.
As Irene desperately searches for an alternative, help unexpectedly comes in the unlikeliest of forms: a twelfth-century Spanish knight and a nineteenth-century American cowboy. Even more surprising, one offers a chance for redemption; the other, love. Unfortunately, she won’t be able to have either if she can’t find a way to escape the hellish limbo where they’re all trapped.
Cover Art, Marketing, and You
Hi everyone! Did you know that today is the first day of Lemuria or Lemuralia—an ancient Roman festival to placate and exorcise the restless dead? Make sure you follow the traditional rituals to drive out evil spirits that may try to take up residence in your home! J
I’m thrilled to be here today, talking about the cover art and marketing of Thereafter, the second novel in my Afterlife series. I’ve had the unique experience of being able to redesign my book covers/re-issue my books with different covers—and not just with different covers but with covers that convey a completely different genre/feel of my books—and I wanted to share with you a bit of what I’ve learned from this.
Originally, my first and second books (Hereafterand Thereafter) were published with a publisher, which means I had very little input into the covers. When I received the cover art for the first book, I was over the moon. It was beautiful. I loved it to death. It was bright, it was vivid, it was eye catching, and it captured the main highlights of the book (sexy red-haired chick, city of Boston in the background, ghostly glow around the woman). However, I wasn’t sure it fit the genre of my book.
Book covers are the primary marketing tool of any book; they don’t have to just grab readers’ attention, but they also subtlety convey a lot of information about the quality of the book (low quality cover suggests low quality editing and writing), the genre of the book, and the overall tone of the book. Chick lit book covers tend to be drawn and have a kitschy/cartoony feel. Women’s fiction and literary fiction tend to feature photographs of people, usually with their heads out of frame/cut off (why is that?). Mysteries and thrillers usually have dark covers, featuring a gun, a policy badge, a bomb, a dagger, or some other weapon. Et cetera. Et cetera.
If you’re an author, it behooves you to spend some time scrolling through book blogs, just to look at covers. Check out blogs that specialize in a particular genre or two and then scroll through all their book posts (book hauls, reviews, and spotlights) to get a feel for the cover conventions of that genre. I had spent a lot of time doing just this when I got the cover art for the first edition of Hereafter so I was pretty familiar with the different genres’ covers’ look and feel; looking at the Hereafter artwork, I felt that it had an urban fantasy vibe, which worried me, because my story wasn’t urban fantasy. However, the books are hard to classify—they are a combination of women’s fiction, literary fiction, and contemporary fantasy. It’s hard to convey all that in a cover. Sometimes you just have to pick one genre and go with it. So I went with it.
It turns out I was right—people assumed the first edition of Hereafter was urban fantasy, or, at the very least, it drew a lot of urban fantasy fans. But this wasn’t a bad thing. Many urban fantasy readers cross genres, enjoying paranormal romance, chick lit, general fantasy, and literary fiction with fantasy elements (like The Time Traveler’s Wife and The Lovely Bones). So for every person that went, “Um, this was advertised as urban fantasy and it really isn’t,” there was another person who went, “Not what I expected, but I loved it!” So I wasn’t unhappy with the original cover, but I was aware that it didn’t quite fit the book.
When it came time for me to re-release the books under my own imprint, I knew I wanted covers that more accurately reflected the books’ women’s/literary fiction with fantasy elements content, getting completely away from a paranormal romance and urban fantasy feel. But I also knew this meant my marketing was going to take a hit. I was going to lose the market segment that had been drawn to the old cover’s urban fantasy vibe. I agonized over this decision for quite a while—did I want to keep going after readers who happened to like my book despite the fact that it wasn’t what they expected (the people who thought they were getting urban fantasy but ended up getting something else) or did I want to go after readers who were purposely looking for the type of book Hereafter is? Ultimately, I decided on the latter; It just didn’t feel right to be advertising the book as something it’s not—it’s not a plot-driven, action-adventure story featuring a kick-ass heroine. It’s a slow, thoughtful, character-driven story and I wanted the cover to show that.
I spent a lot of time trying to figure out what style I wanted the new covers to be in—more women’s fiction or more fantasy? When I saw Shelby Robinson’s artwork, I knew the answer was, “BOTH!” What drew me to her art is that it looks almost like a painting. Not quite a photograph, not quite a painting. They are somewhere in between, just like Hereafter and Thereafter—not quite fantasy, not quite literary fiction. Her work also has a unique mix of whimsy and melancholy, realism and fantasy, also exactly like my books. The first comment everyone made when they saw the new cover of Hereafter was that it fit the book much better than the old cover, which is what I wanted. Yes, the old cover was gorgeous and eye catching, but it also seemed to make a promise it couldn’t keep: “Read me—I’m urban fantasy!” The new covers definitely say something very different.
Giveaway Details and Rafflecopter Code
Launch Party Blog Tour Giveaway – May 1st – May 31st2 $50 Amazon gift cards5 signed paperback copies of Thereafter (U.S./Canada Only)
a Rafflecopter giveaway Read More: http://terribruce.net/index.php?optio...
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Author BioTerri Bruce has been making up adventure stories for as long as she can remember and won her first writing award when she was twelve. Like Anne Shirley, she prefers to make people cry rather than laugh, but is happy if she can do either. She produces fantasy and adventure stories from a haunted house in New England where she lives with her husband and three cats.
Email: tbruce@terribruce.net
Website/Blog: www.terribruce.net
Goodreads: www.goodreads.com/TerriBruce
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/authorterribruce
Twitter: @_TerriBruce
Book Buy Links (available at all major book retailers)
Amazon - http://www.amazon.com/Thereafter-Afterlife-Series-Volume/dp/0991303628/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8
Barnes & Noble - http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/thereafter-terri-bruce/1115324247?ean=2940149344697
Smashwords: https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/423765
May 8, 2014
Spring Query Extravaganza #9
It's here!! I'll be doing a limited number of query critiques in the next few weeks to celebrate spring. Right now I have no spots open.
Participants must comment on other Spring Query entries to pay it forward. If I notice someone not leaving comments, their query will get skipped.
Now to the fine print:
All query critiques are subjective. And rabbits don't come out of my hat, but I'll do my best. Objects in mirror may be closer than they appear. Buy one and I'll throw in a set of free steak knives, just pay separate shipping and handling fees. Plus, you know, I'm leaving pink comments in celebration of spring so you have to be able to tolerate pink.
As sent to me:
I am seeking representation for my 94,000 word romantic suspense KNOW WHEN TO RUN.
She thought he was locked away. But a United States Penitentiary isn’t enough to stop the past. And it wants her back…
Cadence Samuels lives life by facts and logic, a trait that won’t win her any popularity contests but fits perfectly with her position as a profiler on the FBI’s Behavioral Science Unit. Sent to the city hiding the secrets of her past, she’s asked to profile the poisoning deaths of two marathon runners. But she’ll need more than her 162 I.Q. to work with long, lean, gorgeous trainer, Nolan Cross. She’ll have to set the tangible aside and learn to rely on her instincts. Even if he’s not the killer, he’s definitely a danger to her self-control.
Quick feet and infallible instincts have brought marathon trainer Nolan Cross’ career to the cusp of big league territory. Until a serial killer poisons two of his clients during the very races he’s trained them for. Not only is he the killer’s ultimate target, he’s at the top of the FBI suspect list. To prove his innocence and save his life, he’ll need to bring the real killer to justice, and that requires answers—not the psycho-babble theories of socially awkward, Cadence Samuels. He sure as hell doesn’t need the fire her intellect and sultry voice ignite in his blood. He has his innocence to prove, she has a job to do, and neither can afford to give in to the sexual tension that sizzles between them.
This could be the high-profile case of Cadence’s career, but with each runner down, another enemy steps from the shadows. Forces other than her ambition are pulling strings, and if she and Nolan can’t catch the killer soon, it might be too late to run for their lives.
KNOW WHEN TO RUN can stand alone or be the first in a series. I’m an active member of two local RWA chapters. Thank you for your time and consideration.
With my crazy comments:
I am seeking representation for my 94,000 word romantic suspense KNOW WHEN TO RUN. Maybe a touch high on the word count, which means you need to make sure the query doesn't brim with unneeded words.
She thought he was locked away. But a United States Penitentiary isn’t enough to stop the past. And it wants her back…This is more like a back cover blurb. The italics made me think it was a quote from the manuscript, and quotes are big no-nos. The problem is it isn't specific enough. It doesn't give a name to your MC. We don't know why 'the past' wants her back or even what the problem with the past is. My guess, and this is totally a guess, is this won't help your query.
Cadence Samuels lives life by facts and logic, a trait that won’t win her any popularity contests but fits perfectly with her position as a FBI Behavioral Science profiler on the FBI’s Behavioral Science Unit.(This is what I meant about wordy.) Sent to the city hiding the secrets of her past(Wouldn't hometown be shorter or maybe old home ground. We would assume she has a past there. Otherwise this is confusing. Sent to her hometown), she’s asked to profile the poisoning deaths of two marathon runners. But she’ll need more than her 162 I.Q. to work with long, lean, gorgeous trainer, Nolan Cross(First off, why is she 'work'ing with a trainer? Especially if he's a suspect. Second, flaunting her smarts might turn people off. It somehow comes across as bragging.) Her high I.Q. won't help her tease out the secrets of gorgeous trainer and suspect, Nolan Cross. . She’ll have to set the tangible aside and learn to rely on her instincts. Even if he’s not the killer, he’s definitely a danger to her self-control. If 'ly words don't add a fresh meaning, cut them.
Quick feet and infallible instincts have brought marathon trainer Nolan Cross’ career to the cusp of big league territory(Nice use of specific words to add voice). Until a serial killer poisons two of his clients during the very races he’s trained them for their first race.(You don't have to be 100% accurate in a query if there's a shorter way to give the same impression.) Not only is he the killer’s ultimate a prime target(How would he know this? And again it feels like bragging to say 'ultimate.'), he’s at the top of the FBI suspect list. To prove his innocence and save his life(Understood from the last sentence.To bring the real killer to justice, he'll need answers--not the psycho...), he’ll need to bring the real killer to justice, and that requires answers—not the psycho-babble theories of socially awkward, Cadence Samuels. (He sure as hell doesn’t need the fire her intellect and sultry voice ignite in his blood. He has his innocence to prove, she has a job to do, and neither can afford to give in to the sexual tension that sizzles between them. I'd cut one of these two sentences as they pretty much say the same thing. Plus the second sentence is a recap. And you should really keep the paragraph to Nolan's motivation/goals and not let Cadence creep in. This is his paragraph.)
This could be the high-profile case of Cadence’s career and make or break Nolan, but with each runner down(Down is not giving me a good picture, even though it's a runner term. each runner murdered), another enemy steps from the shadows(I'd consider using a specific example here of these enemies appearing. This should be the paragraph about the both of them. Keep it about both.). Forces other than her their ambition are pulling strings, and if she and Nolan they can’t catch the killer soon, it might be too late to run for their lives.
The big problem I'm having here is that the author made a big deal about Cadence's past. Even using the back cover blurb about 'the past.' But there's no sign of her past in the rest of the query. Did she know Nolan before? What happened to her past being a big factor? Nor is there anything about the Penitentiary. Consistency in a query is important. If you mention a theme, you need to carry through with that theme.
KNOW WHEN TO RUN can stand alone or be the first in a series. I’m an active member of two local RWA chapters. Thank you for your time and consideration. Nice and concise.
Keep the theme consistent. Cut down extra words. Be more specific about the enemies. Keep that nice voice!
Participants must comment on other Spring Query entries to pay it forward. If I notice someone not leaving comments, their query will get skipped.
Now to the fine print:
All query critiques are subjective. And rabbits don't come out of my hat, but I'll do my best. Objects in mirror may be closer than they appear. Buy one and I'll throw in a set of free steak knives, just pay separate shipping and handling fees. Plus, you know, I'm leaving pink comments in celebration of spring so you have to be able to tolerate pink.
As sent to me:
I am seeking representation for my 94,000 word romantic suspense KNOW WHEN TO RUN.
She thought he was locked away. But a United States Penitentiary isn’t enough to stop the past. And it wants her back…
Cadence Samuels lives life by facts and logic, a trait that won’t win her any popularity contests but fits perfectly with her position as a profiler on the FBI’s Behavioral Science Unit. Sent to the city hiding the secrets of her past, she’s asked to profile the poisoning deaths of two marathon runners. But she’ll need more than her 162 I.Q. to work with long, lean, gorgeous trainer, Nolan Cross. She’ll have to set the tangible aside and learn to rely on her instincts. Even if he’s not the killer, he’s definitely a danger to her self-control.
Quick feet and infallible instincts have brought marathon trainer Nolan Cross’ career to the cusp of big league territory. Until a serial killer poisons two of his clients during the very races he’s trained them for. Not only is he the killer’s ultimate target, he’s at the top of the FBI suspect list. To prove his innocence and save his life, he’ll need to bring the real killer to justice, and that requires answers—not the psycho-babble theories of socially awkward, Cadence Samuels. He sure as hell doesn’t need the fire her intellect and sultry voice ignite in his blood. He has his innocence to prove, she has a job to do, and neither can afford to give in to the sexual tension that sizzles between them.
This could be the high-profile case of Cadence’s career, but with each runner down, another enemy steps from the shadows. Forces other than her ambition are pulling strings, and if she and Nolan can’t catch the killer soon, it might be too late to run for their lives.
KNOW WHEN TO RUN can stand alone or be the first in a series. I’m an active member of two local RWA chapters. Thank you for your time and consideration.
With my crazy comments:
I am seeking representation for my 94,000 word romantic suspense KNOW WHEN TO RUN. Maybe a touch high on the word count, which means you need to make sure the query doesn't brim with unneeded words.
She thought he was locked away. But a United States Penitentiary isn’t enough to stop the past. And it wants her back…This is more like a back cover blurb. The italics made me think it was a quote from the manuscript, and quotes are big no-nos. The problem is it isn't specific enough. It doesn't give a name to your MC. We don't know why 'the past' wants her back or even what the problem with the past is. My guess, and this is totally a guess, is this won't help your query.
Cadence Samuels lives life by facts and logic, a trait that won’t win her any popularity contests but fits perfectly with her position as a FBI Behavioral Science profiler on the FBI’s Behavioral Science Unit.(This is what I meant about wordy.) Sent to the city hiding the secrets of her past(Wouldn't hometown be shorter or maybe old home ground. We would assume she has a past there. Otherwise this is confusing. Sent to her hometown), she’s asked to profile the poisoning deaths of two marathon runners. But she’ll need more than her 162 I.Q. to work with long, lean, gorgeous trainer, Nolan Cross(First off, why is she 'work'ing with a trainer? Especially if he's a suspect. Second, flaunting her smarts might turn people off. It somehow comes across as bragging.) Her high I.Q. won't help her tease out the secrets of gorgeous trainer and suspect, Nolan Cross. . She’ll have to set the tangible aside and learn to rely on her instincts. Even if he’s not the killer, he’s definitely a danger to her self-control. If 'ly words don't add a fresh meaning, cut them.
Quick feet and infallible instincts have brought marathon trainer Nolan Cross’ career to the cusp of big league territory(Nice use of specific words to add voice). Until a serial killer poisons two of his clients during the very races he’s trained them for their first race.(You don't have to be 100% accurate in a query if there's a shorter way to give the same impression.) Not only is he the killer’s ultimate a prime target(How would he know this? And again it feels like bragging to say 'ultimate.'), he’s at the top of the FBI suspect list. To prove his innocence and save his life(Understood from the last sentence.To bring the real killer to justice, he'll need answers--not the psycho...), he’ll need to bring the real killer to justice, and that requires answers—not the psycho-babble theories of socially awkward, Cadence Samuels. (He sure as hell doesn’t need the fire her intellect and sultry voice ignite in his blood. He has his innocence to prove, she has a job to do, and neither can afford to give in to the sexual tension that sizzles between them. I'd cut one of these two sentences as they pretty much say the same thing. Plus the second sentence is a recap. And you should really keep the paragraph to Nolan's motivation/goals and not let Cadence creep in. This is his paragraph.)
This could be the high-profile case of Cadence’s career and make or break Nolan, but with each runner down(Down is not giving me a good picture, even though it's a runner term. each runner murdered), another enemy steps from the shadows(I'd consider using a specific example here of these enemies appearing. This should be the paragraph about the both of them. Keep it about both.). Forces other than her their ambition are pulling strings, and if she and Nolan they can’t catch the killer soon, it might be too late to run for their lives.
The big problem I'm having here is that the author made a big deal about Cadence's past. Even using the back cover blurb about 'the past.' But there's no sign of her past in the rest of the query. Did she know Nolan before? What happened to her past being a big factor? Nor is there anything about the Penitentiary. Consistency in a query is important. If you mention a theme, you need to carry through with that theme.
KNOW WHEN TO RUN can stand alone or be the first in a series. I’m an active member of two local RWA chapters. Thank you for your time and consideration. Nice and concise.
Keep the theme consistent. Cut down extra words. Be more specific about the enemies. Keep that nice voice!
May 7, 2014
Getting the Call with Isabel Bandeira
Which comes first the agent or the publishing deal? Isabel Bandeira had her Calls a little backwards from the traditional, but it couldn't have worked out better! Her story is almost like a fairy tale. Congrats, Isabel! Thanks for sharing your inspiration with other writers.
Photocredit: Rachel McCalley, http://www.rachelmccalleyphotography.com/
When I was a senior in high school, I went to an *event* packed with famous people who were supposed to mentor and inspire us kids. At the *event*, a best-selling children’s series author talked about publishing, his writing process, and life as an author. It was fantastic… until the Q&A. I raised my hand and asked if someone could become a writer without studying English/creative writing and working in publishing, and he said no. Seventeen year-old me, heading to college to study engineering, was crushed.
That author was so incredibly, damagingly wrong. It took until 2011 for me to get over what he had led me to believe.
Fast forward to spring 2012. I was querying my first manuscript, had just wrapped up the first draft of a middle grade, and an idea for a YA contemporary popped into my head. I decided to write this book out just for fun, just for me, just to get it out of my system. I had the best time writing BOOKISHLY EVER AFTER, because I thought no one would ever see it. But, when I finished revising in 2013, it had grown into a book-shaped thing that I wanted to share.
I started querying in March of 2013. By August and Write On Con, I was maybe only ankle-deep in the query pool, since I queried in small batches. Because of my day job, most of the Write On Con live events just didn’t work for me… except for the live pitch session with Patricia Riley and Danielle Ellison of Spencer Hill Press. THE Spencer Hill Press, where Jennifer Armentrout first published, and home to quite a number of books I love. They were offering live critiques of twitter pitches and, while I didn’t get my hope up they would be interested in my contemporary, I tweeted my pitch, anyway, and hoped for advice on how to make it better.
My pitch went up on the screen (http://writeoncon.com/08/13/live-event-twitter-pitches-google-hangout-with-spencer-hill-press-editors-danielle-ellison-and-patricia-riley/ at 23:46) and the second I heard: “I will request that” from Patricia, I went into shock, followed by flailing around my apartment like a madwoman. I sent out my query and waited, which turned into a full and more waiting.
While waiting, I signed up for Brenda Drake’s Pitch Madness in September and made it onto team Fizzee, hosted by Summer Heacock and Dee Romito. I managed to get quite a few requests during both the blog agent-round and during #PitMad, especially from a few of my dream agents. Again, queries, partials, and fulls went out. One agent who had favorited my pitch was Carrie Howland, and she replied back about a month later asking if I was up for some changes—what she suggested really resonated with me, so I answered back with “Sure!”… and waited (can you see a theme in writing?)
Then, in November, Patricia sent me an email inviting me on a google hangout call with her and one of her editors. Not only did I get a “CALL,” in December, but a video chat, where I panicked about everything from my hair to the state of the wall behind me beforehand. But when I got on the call with Patricia and Asja, I forgot about my hair and the wall and being awkward. It was fun talking with them and I loved that the parts of my book they wanted to fix were exactly what I knew needed work. I knew they could help me make this story shine. When Patricia said they wanted to acquire BOOKISHLY EVER AFTER and two other companion books, I said yes!
My favorite moment of the entire call was when I mentioned I really loved SHP because of their books, the creativity in past and upcoming releases, and their author support. Then, I went into fangirl mode about the Camp Boyfriend series, especially the novellas—and it turned out Patricia had edited the series. I may have fangirl flailed a lot, especially when Patricia offered to send me a copy of the next novella a few days before it released (BTW, Camp Christmas is my favorite of the series. Oh, Julian *swoons*)
Yes, I fangirled on my own “CALL.”
After our chat, Patricia gave me time to contact everyone with fulls to see if they were still interested in representing me and my projects. I sent out emails and two of the “OMG, they are rockstars” agents got back to me. Carrie was one of those two. Her first e-mail asking if I had time for a call came the next morning, when I was at a cadaver lab for work. Out of all the surreal situations on the planet, I never thought I would literally be in a lab, listening to design feedback from surgeons operating on dead people the exact moment I was getting emails from my future agent. Every time my phone buzzed in the pocket of my scrubs, I had to restrain myself from running out of the lab to check my email.
Somehow, between breaks and lunch, I managed to set up a time to call Carrie right after the lab that would have given me time to clean up and call from home… if the lab cleanup hadn’t run over schedule. My second CALL was while I was in my car, in scrubs, in the parking lot of a work cadaver lab. We chatted about BOOKISHLY, the other two books, and my other projects. Carrie talked about some of her other clients (This is the second time I fangirled on a CALL, because Carrie had offered representation to another Pitch Madness participant, Melissa Gorzelanczyk, whose book ARROWS had been one of my favorites in the contest, and which is slated to release around the same time as mine!) I liked what she had to say, and I liked how we clicked.
Choosing between Carrie and the other absolutely wonderful, sweet agent was so hard. Emailing one of Carrie’s other clients helped, and every time I made pros and cons lists or talked with my friends about it, I found myself leaning towards taking Carrie’s offer of representation. Right before Christmas, I sent her my “yes, I’d LOVE to work with you” email.
My journey to an agent and book deal was a bit sideways and very internet-modern, with plenty of fangirling thrown in. BOOKISHLY EVER AFTER is currently scheduled for a fall 2015 release. (Take that, big name author with the bad advice!)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Isabel Bandeira grew up surrounded by trees and lakes in Southern New Jersey, right on the edge of the Pine Barrens. Her summers were always spent in Portugal, where the cathedrals, castles, and ancient tombs only fed her fairy tale obsession. Between all those influences and her serious glitter addiction, it wasn’t a surprise when she started writing stories of her own.
In her free time between writing and her day job as a Mechanical Engineer who designs and develops medical devices, she reads, dances, figure skates, and knits.
Isabel lives in New Jersey with her little black cat, too many books, and a closetful of vintage hats. She is represented by Carrie Howland of Donadio and Olson, Inc. BOOKISHLY EVER AFTER is her debut novel.
website: http://www.isabelbandeira.com/twitter: https://twitter.com/EmberchyldGoodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/7944475.Isabel_BandeiraPinterest: http://www.pinterest.com/emberchyld/
Photocredit: Rachel McCalley, http://www.rachelmccalleyphotography.com/When I was a senior in high school, I went to an *event* packed with famous people who were supposed to mentor and inspire us kids. At the *event*, a best-selling children’s series author talked about publishing, his writing process, and life as an author. It was fantastic… until the Q&A. I raised my hand and asked if someone could become a writer without studying English/creative writing and working in publishing, and he said no. Seventeen year-old me, heading to college to study engineering, was crushed.
That author was so incredibly, damagingly wrong. It took until 2011 for me to get over what he had led me to believe.
Fast forward to spring 2012. I was querying my first manuscript, had just wrapped up the first draft of a middle grade, and an idea for a YA contemporary popped into my head. I decided to write this book out just for fun, just for me, just to get it out of my system. I had the best time writing BOOKISHLY EVER AFTER, because I thought no one would ever see it. But, when I finished revising in 2013, it had grown into a book-shaped thing that I wanted to share.
I started querying in March of 2013. By August and Write On Con, I was maybe only ankle-deep in the query pool, since I queried in small batches. Because of my day job, most of the Write On Con live events just didn’t work for me… except for the live pitch session with Patricia Riley and Danielle Ellison of Spencer Hill Press. THE Spencer Hill Press, where Jennifer Armentrout first published, and home to quite a number of books I love. They were offering live critiques of twitter pitches and, while I didn’t get my hope up they would be interested in my contemporary, I tweeted my pitch, anyway, and hoped for advice on how to make it better.
My pitch went up on the screen (http://writeoncon.com/08/13/live-event-twitter-pitches-google-hangout-with-spencer-hill-press-editors-danielle-ellison-and-patricia-riley/ at 23:46) and the second I heard: “I will request that” from Patricia, I went into shock, followed by flailing around my apartment like a madwoman. I sent out my query and waited, which turned into a full and more waiting.
While waiting, I signed up for Brenda Drake’s Pitch Madness in September and made it onto team Fizzee, hosted by Summer Heacock and Dee Romito. I managed to get quite a few requests during both the blog agent-round and during #PitMad, especially from a few of my dream agents. Again, queries, partials, and fulls went out. One agent who had favorited my pitch was Carrie Howland, and she replied back about a month later asking if I was up for some changes—what she suggested really resonated with me, so I answered back with “Sure!”… and waited (can you see a theme in writing?)
Then, in November, Patricia sent me an email inviting me on a google hangout call with her and one of her editors. Not only did I get a “CALL,” in December, but a video chat, where I panicked about everything from my hair to the state of the wall behind me beforehand. But when I got on the call with Patricia and Asja, I forgot about my hair and the wall and being awkward. It was fun talking with them and I loved that the parts of my book they wanted to fix were exactly what I knew needed work. I knew they could help me make this story shine. When Patricia said they wanted to acquire BOOKISHLY EVER AFTER and two other companion books, I said yes!
My favorite moment of the entire call was when I mentioned I really loved SHP because of their books, the creativity in past and upcoming releases, and their author support. Then, I went into fangirl mode about the Camp Boyfriend series, especially the novellas—and it turned out Patricia had edited the series. I may have fangirl flailed a lot, especially when Patricia offered to send me a copy of the next novella a few days before it released (BTW, Camp Christmas is my favorite of the series. Oh, Julian *swoons*)
Yes, I fangirled on my own “CALL.”
After our chat, Patricia gave me time to contact everyone with fulls to see if they were still interested in representing me and my projects. I sent out emails and two of the “OMG, they are rockstars” agents got back to me. Carrie was one of those two. Her first e-mail asking if I had time for a call came the next morning, when I was at a cadaver lab for work. Out of all the surreal situations on the planet, I never thought I would literally be in a lab, listening to design feedback from surgeons operating on dead people the exact moment I was getting emails from my future agent. Every time my phone buzzed in the pocket of my scrubs, I had to restrain myself from running out of the lab to check my email.
Somehow, between breaks and lunch, I managed to set up a time to call Carrie right after the lab that would have given me time to clean up and call from home… if the lab cleanup hadn’t run over schedule. My second CALL was while I was in my car, in scrubs, in the parking lot of a work cadaver lab. We chatted about BOOKISHLY, the other two books, and my other projects. Carrie talked about some of her other clients (This is the second time I fangirled on a CALL, because Carrie had offered representation to another Pitch Madness participant, Melissa Gorzelanczyk, whose book ARROWS had been one of my favorites in the contest, and which is slated to release around the same time as mine!) I liked what she had to say, and I liked how we clicked.
Choosing between Carrie and the other absolutely wonderful, sweet agent was so hard. Emailing one of Carrie’s other clients helped, and every time I made pros and cons lists or talked with my friends about it, I found myself leaning towards taking Carrie’s offer of representation. Right before Christmas, I sent her my “yes, I’d LOVE to work with you” email.
My journey to an agent and book deal was a bit sideways and very internet-modern, with plenty of fangirling thrown in. BOOKISHLY EVER AFTER is currently scheduled for a fall 2015 release. (Take that, big name author with the bad advice!)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Isabel Bandeira grew up surrounded by trees and lakes in Southern New Jersey, right on the edge of the Pine Barrens. Her summers were always spent in Portugal, where the cathedrals, castles, and ancient tombs only fed her fairy tale obsession. Between all those influences and her serious glitter addiction, it wasn’t a surprise when she started writing stories of her own.
In her free time between writing and her day job as a Mechanical Engineer who designs and develops medical devices, she reads, dances, figure skates, and knits.
Isabel lives in New Jersey with her little black cat, too many books, and a closetful of vintage hats. She is represented by Carrie Howland of Donadio and Olson, Inc. BOOKISHLY EVER AFTER is her debut novel.
website: http://www.isabelbandeira.com/twitter: https://twitter.com/EmberchyldGoodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/7944475.Isabel_BandeiraPinterest: http://www.pinterest.com/emberchyld/
May 6, 2014
Spring Query Extravaganza 8
It's here!! I'll be doing a limited number of query critiques in the next few weeks to celebrate spring. Right now I have no spots open. Keep watching and it's likely I'll reopen in a week or two. Or if you can't wait, I have an editing service. Contact me through the twitter or the contact form on this blog. Query critiques are on sale for $20, payable through paypal, and include two revisions.
Participants must comment on other Spring Query entries to pay it forward. If I notice someone not leaving comments, their query will get skipped.
Now to the fine print:
All query critiques are subjective. And rabbits don't come out of my hat, but I'll do my best. Objects in mirror may be closer than they appear. Buy one and I'll throw in a set of free steak knives, just pay separate shipping and handling fees. Plus, you know, I'm leaving pink comments in celebration of spring so you have to be able to tolerate pink.
As sent to me:
Twenty-year-old Aidelle had everything she’d desired: new home, new brothers-in-law, and an old passion for Phillip. Then she broke time.
Just as they’ve unpacked in their new house, Phillip reconsiders their engagement contract. Apparently, she’s not ‘high society’ enough for his upper-class parents. As he slams the door on their relationship, Aidelle does what any love-scorned woman would do: she chucks the mantelpiece clock at him. Now, thanks to that broken timepiece, Aidelle’s sealed in a frozen version of their house in-between realities. She can’t search for the man she still loves, but maybe patching up the clock will patch up the past. Right? But time, with all its bumps and eddies, doesn’t play fair.
When Aidelle catches a glimpse of Phillip through a temporal fissure – another reality growing in her sitting room, of all things – she realises he’s tearing apart every reality to find her. As the fissure closes, Aidelle is more alone than ever. If she doesn’t find a way to rewind time – and, in the process, win back the man she adores – every fissure in time will seal, erasing from existence their future, present and past.
WHEN THE CLOCK BROKE is an NA Fantasy Romance complete at 80,000 words about love, loss and temporal paradoxes. The novel explores a Neovictorian universe and will appeal to fans of Gail Carriger’sParasol Protectorate series.
With my crazy comments:
Twenty-year-old Aidelle had everything she’d desired: new home, new brothers-in-law, and an old passion for Phillip.(I like the voice at the end of this sentence. It has a nice simplicity but stands out. At least when someone is reading it slowly and analyzing every word.) Then she broke time. (Not sure this hook is as strong as it could be, just because it lacks specific details. It does have the plus of being straightforward, concise, and direct.)
Just as they’ve unpacked in their new house(Does it matter where she is when it all happens?), Phillip reconsiders their engagement contract. Apparently, she’s not ‘high society’ enough for his upper-class parents. As he slams the door on their relationship(Understood), Aidelle does what any love-scorned woman would do: she chucks the mantelpiece clock at him(Ha! Nice one! But seems like this could be shortened and tightened to allow room for other information. While Aidelle is unpacking in the new house, Phillip announces she's not 'high society' enough for his upper-crust family, engagement reluctantly cancelled. Aidelle does what any love-scorned woman would do--chucks the mantelpiece clock as he slams the door.) . Now, thanks to that broken timepiece, Aidelle’s sealed in a frozen version of their house in-between realities(Not sure what this means. Time doesn't move?). She can’t escape to(to clarify) And here's where you could add a little wordage to give us a better idea of what's happening. This is the meat of the story, but it feels a little glossed over. She can't eat, can't affect things around her, can't escape to search for .... search for the man she still loves, but maybe patching up the clock will patch up the past. Right? But time, with all its bumps and eddies, doesn’t play fair. (Not so sure of the question. Could be dangerous in a query. Better safe than sorry. Sadly, time, with all its bumps and eddies, doesn't play fair.)
When Aidelle catches a glimpse of Phillip through a temporal fissure(How does she know this phrase? She's a Victorian lady, not a scientist in our era. through an unnatural fissure in the air? Maybe it's part of the Neovictorian aspect you mention below, so ignore.) – another reality growing in her sitting room, of all things – she realises (English spelling.) he’s tearing apart every reality to find her.(Then why did he break off their marriage? Maybe it's just guilt, instead of love. I added 'reluctantly' above to explain.) As the fissure closes, Aidelle is more alone than ever. If she doesn’t find a way to rewind time – and, in the process, win back the man she adores – every fissure in time will seal(How does she know this? What sign does she have this is happening? I'm guessing trying to break through will erase her and the space around her is shrinking. As the fissure closes and her space shrinks? the time bubble grows unstable?... Also it seems like her success depends on getting back her love. Not sure if that is strictly true. I guess what's bugging me is the last sentence is not straightforward. If she doesn't find a way to rewind time, every fissure in time will seal, erasing her love and life whether in future, present or past.), erasing from existence their future, present and past.(I do like how you ended with a reference to time.)
WHEN THE CLOCK BROKE is an NA Fantasy Romance complete at 80,000 words about love, loss(Not a fan of the Oxford comma, I see.) and temporal paradoxes. The novel explores a Neovictorian universe and will appeal to fans of Gail Carriger’s Parasol Protectorate series. (Hello! I remember this pitch from PitchSlam. It was among my maybes, but someone else snatched it up. Good one!)
Strong query with a nice bit of voice to characterize the main character. The love situation is very clear in this query. That's why you might consider cutting a little wordage from it to spend more on clarifying the time issue. Good luck!
Participants must comment on other Spring Query entries to pay it forward. If I notice someone not leaving comments, their query will get skipped.
Now to the fine print:
All query critiques are subjective. And rabbits don't come out of my hat, but I'll do my best. Objects in mirror may be closer than they appear. Buy one and I'll throw in a set of free steak knives, just pay separate shipping and handling fees. Plus, you know, I'm leaving pink comments in celebration of spring so you have to be able to tolerate pink.
As sent to me:
Twenty-year-old Aidelle had everything she’d desired: new home, new brothers-in-law, and an old passion for Phillip. Then she broke time.
Just as they’ve unpacked in their new house, Phillip reconsiders their engagement contract. Apparently, she’s not ‘high society’ enough for his upper-class parents. As he slams the door on their relationship, Aidelle does what any love-scorned woman would do: she chucks the mantelpiece clock at him. Now, thanks to that broken timepiece, Aidelle’s sealed in a frozen version of their house in-between realities. She can’t search for the man she still loves, but maybe patching up the clock will patch up the past. Right? But time, with all its bumps and eddies, doesn’t play fair.
When Aidelle catches a glimpse of Phillip through a temporal fissure – another reality growing in her sitting room, of all things – she realises he’s tearing apart every reality to find her. As the fissure closes, Aidelle is more alone than ever. If she doesn’t find a way to rewind time – and, in the process, win back the man she adores – every fissure in time will seal, erasing from existence their future, present and past.
WHEN THE CLOCK BROKE is an NA Fantasy Romance complete at 80,000 words about love, loss and temporal paradoxes. The novel explores a Neovictorian universe and will appeal to fans of Gail Carriger’sParasol Protectorate series.
With my crazy comments:
Twenty-year-old Aidelle had everything she’d desired: new home, new brothers-in-law, and an old passion for Phillip.(I like the voice at the end of this sentence. It has a nice simplicity but stands out. At least when someone is reading it slowly and analyzing every word.) Then she broke time. (Not sure this hook is as strong as it could be, just because it lacks specific details. It does have the plus of being straightforward, concise, and direct.)
Just as they’ve unpacked in their new house(Does it matter where she is when it all happens?), Phillip reconsiders their engagement contract. Apparently, she’s not ‘high society’ enough for his upper-class parents. As he slams the door on their relationship(Understood), Aidelle does what any love-scorned woman would do: she chucks the mantelpiece clock at him(Ha! Nice one! But seems like this could be shortened and tightened to allow room for other information. While Aidelle is unpacking in the new house, Phillip announces she's not 'high society' enough for his upper-crust family, engagement reluctantly cancelled. Aidelle does what any love-scorned woman would do--chucks the mantelpiece clock as he slams the door.) . Now, thanks to that broken timepiece, Aidelle’s sealed in a frozen version of their house in-between realities(Not sure what this means. Time doesn't move?). She can’t escape to(to clarify) And here's where you could add a little wordage to give us a better idea of what's happening. This is the meat of the story, but it feels a little glossed over. She can't eat, can't affect things around her, can't escape to search for .... search for the man she still loves, but maybe patching up the clock will patch up the past. Right? But time, with all its bumps and eddies, doesn’t play fair. (Not so sure of the question. Could be dangerous in a query. Better safe than sorry. Sadly, time, with all its bumps and eddies, doesn't play fair.)
When Aidelle catches a glimpse of Phillip through a temporal fissure(How does she know this phrase? She's a Victorian lady, not a scientist in our era. through an unnatural fissure in the air? Maybe it's part of the Neovictorian aspect you mention below, so ignore.) – another reality growing in her sitting room, of all things – she realises (English spelling.) he’s tearing apart every reality to find her.(Then why did he break off their marriage? Maybe it's just guilt, instead of love. I added 'reluctantly' above to explain.) As the fissure closes, Aidelle is more alone than ever. If she doesn’t find a way to rewind time – and, in the process, win back the man she adores – every fissure in time will seal(How does she know this? What sign does she have this is happening? I'm guessing trying to break through will erase her and the space around her is shrinking. As the fissure closes and her space shrinks? the time bubble grows unstable?... Also it seems like her success depends on getting back her love. Not sure if that is strictly true. I guess what's bugging me is the last sentence is not straightforward. If she doesn't find a way to rewind time, every fissure in time will seal, erasing her love and life whether in future, present or past.), erasing from existence their future, present and past.(I do like how you ended with a reference to time.)
WHEN THE CLOCK BROKE is an NA Fantasy Romance complete at 80,000 words about love, loss(Not a fan of the Oxford comma, I see.) and temporal paradoxes. The novel explores a Neovictorian universe and will appeal to fans of Gail Carriger’s Parasol Protectorate series. (Hello! I remember this pitch from PitchSlam. It was among my maybes, but someone else snatched it up. Good one!)
Strong query with a nice bit of voice to characterize the main character. The love situation is very clear in this query. That's why you might consider cutting a little wordage from it to spend more on clarifying the time issue. Good luck!
May 5, 2014
QUERY KOMBAT 2014 ANNOUNCEMENT
Query Kombat is back!
Bloggers SC, Michael, and Michelle are teaming up once again to bring you the second annual Query Kombat tournament. It’s a new year, so we’re bringing in some new rules!
The Basics
Query Kombat will host 64 kombatants in a single-elimination, tournament style query-off. Entries will go head to head (one on one) with one another until only ONE entry remains. There will be a total of six rounds in Query Kombat. 64 entries in round one, 32 in round two, 16 in round three, 8 in round four, 4 in round five, and 2 in round six.
As we said, some things have changed. We’re doing away with tournament brackets this year. Instead, Kombats will be matched up based on target audience and genre. We'll continue grouping that way until it's no longer possible.
If you secure a spot in the tournament, your query and the first 250 words of your manuscript (to the end of a complete sentence) will be pitted against another query and first 250 words. Judges will read each match-up and vote 'Victory' on the best entry. Remember, this is subjective. Considering last year, votes may come down to personal tastes.
The entry with the most ‘victories’ at the end of the round will advance to the next round until only one champion remains.
One of the biggest changes we’re implementing this year is doing away with the mentor round. Why? Because we're moving up the agent round. Yes! You read correctly. This year the agent round will be held right after the first round. That mean 32 entries will make it into the agent round. 32!.
Of course, there's a twist!
This is what happened when we came up with this twist.The agent round will be conducted in secret. And by secret, we mean TOP SECRET. Entrants won't know who requested what--or how much--until that entrant has been eliminated from the contest. Evil. We know. On the plus side, winners of the first round will be able to resubmit their entry prior to the agent round. So, any feedback the judges give you can be implemented before the agents see your work.
The Query Kombat tournament is open only to unagented writers seeking representation. Your manuscript must be complete, polished, and ready to submit. Submissions for MG, YA, NA, and Adult works will be accepted. No picture books or non-fiction.
The submission window will open on May 22nd at noon and close at 11:59pm on May 23rd, OR WHEN WE RECEIVE 225 ENTRIES. We will have email confirmation. If you don't receive it within an hour of submitting your entry, contact us via twitter and let us know. You may submit entries for two manuscripts (in the same email) but we will only consider the second entry on the last day of the submission window. Kontestants will be revealed on May 30th, and the tournament will kick off on June 1st.
Important: The Query Kombat team reserves the right to disqualify any entrant at any time. If an entrant is disqualified before the agent round, an alternate will take its place. If an entrant is disqualified after the agent round, the opposing entry will automatically advance to the next round.
So...none of this!In order to enter the contest you MUST follow formatting guidelines, and submit during the contest window. All entries that follow those guidelines will be considered. In the event that we receive more than the available spots, Michelle, SC, and I will savagely attack the slush pile in attempts to build the best team. We will pick (and announce) three alternates in case a submission is disqualified.
Entries will be sent to: QueryKombat (at) yahoo (dot) com
Formatting guidelines:
Font: Times New Roman, 12pt font, single-spaced with spaces between each paragraph.
Subject line of the Email: A short, unique nickname for your entry [colon] your genre (audience included). Do not skip this step or your entry will be deleted. (ex. Death Isn't So Bad: YA Magical Realism)
For the nickname, make it as unique as possible so that there are no duplicates. These will be the names used in the tournament (or an abbreviated version if it's too long) so keep it PG-13 and try to have it relate to your story in some way.
In the body of the email (with examples):
Entry Nickname: Death Isn't So BadName: Mike AnthonyEmail address: QueryKombat (at) yahoo (dot) com
Title: My Best Friend DeathWord count: 66KGenre: YA Magical Realism
Query:
Damien Crown devotes his life to being his brother's superman. Like all heroes, he's locked in a deadly war with a formidable foe—his brother's depression. Instead of perishing in a climatic battle as comics suggests, he dies at the screech of tires and the blare of a car horn. But in those last precious moments, he regrets not taking off the cape and living his own life.
But that changes when Death becomes his life-coach.
Given a new body and one more year to live, Damien seizes the opportunity to reinvent himself. Forbidden from making contact with his old family, he know the trek will be hard, but he's happy to have a clean slate. At least, until his brother attempts suicide.
Knowing the only way to help his brother is by breaking Death's rules, Damien finds himself stuck between who he was, and who he wants to be. With a life any kid would kill for, he has a hard choice to make—don his cape and die for his brother, or hang it up and finally live for himself.
(Only include the meat of your query. No bio. No Dear, and no sincerely. Just the good stuff. Queries may be up to 350 words, but 250 is preferred.)
First 250 words:
First 250 words. Don't include the chapter title and please, don't stop in the middle of a sentence.
Also, no indentations. Indentations are evil. Put line spaces between paragraphs please!
All queries submitted are FINAL. We will not edit them in any way, shape, or form. Please read, reread, and rereread your submission before you hit send. You have several weeks to polish your work. Take advantage of it. Competition will be fierce.
Because the immense amount of work ahead of us, the tournament will be hosted on three separate blogs. In order to enter the contest, you MUST following all three blogs. All three blogs will host the first round and agent round. The second round will be hosted by Michael and Michelle. The third round will be hosted by SC. The fourth round will be hosted by Michael. The fifth round will be hosted by Michelle. The final round will be hosted by SC. Have no fear, each blog will have links to all rounds so you will not get lost.
Agents and judges will be revealed soon. (As of now we have 10 agents and 20 judges!)
Questions can be left in the comments and I'll answer them as quickly as possible. As always, Query Kombat announcement call for celebration.
Hit it Poképeeps
Can't wait to read your submissions. Pam van Hylckama and Christa Heschke are two of our agents.
