Allison Knight's Blog, page 20
November 16, 2013
The Journey
I can't believe people do drugs for recreation! Started a new med yesterday. Boy! did I react. I felt like I was floating away, or at least part of me, then the other was going in another direction. Things looked a bit blurry at times, I had no energy at all, and my balance was nonexistent. I almost fell over a couple of times.
It was a narcotic (in a small dose) to keep any pain I might have at a low or undetectable level. Forget that! I didn't like the funny feelings one little bit. Couldn't think, couldn't put things into any kind of mental order. That is not for me. Maybe if and when the pain gets so bad I can't put things together, then we might consider something like that, but not yet.
In the meantime, most of yesterday and all morning, today, were a complete waste. I got a couple of things done in the morning, yesterday, then the meds hit and forget it. I spent the day sitting, and trying to figure out what was going on. Same this am. I did get the first load of laundry finished, thanks to my DH. And he went out and got lunch, most of which I couldn't eat. Then I called the hospice people and asked if I should continue with the meds.
They agreed, bad reaction, stop medication. I'm drinking lot of water to wash this stuff our of my system, and we won't do this again.
And I repeat - people do this for fun? They really are crazy is they think this is fun.
Tomorrow will be a better day. Thank the Lord!
Allison
It was a narcotic (in a small dose) to keep any pain I might have at a low or undetectable level. Forget that! I didn't like the funny feelings one little bit. Couldn't think, couldn't put things into any kind of mental order. That is not for me. Maybe if and when the pain gets so bad I can't put things together, then we might consider something like that, but not yet.
In the meantime, most of yesterday and all morning, today, were a complete waste. I got a couple of things done in the morning, yesterday, then the meds hit and forget it. I spent the day sitting, and trying to figure out what was going on. Same this am. I did get the first load of laundry finished, thanks to my DH. And he went out and got lunch, most of which I couldn't eat. Then I called the hospice people and asked if I should continue with the meds.
They agreed, bad reaction, stop medication. I'm drinking lot of water to wash this stuff our of my system, and we won't do this again.
And I repeat - people do this for fun? They really are crazy is they think this is fun.
Tomorrow will be a better day. Thank the Lord!
Allison
November 15, 2013
The Journey
I don't know what happened to yesterday's post. It must be floating out someplace in cyberspace, because it wasn't here. Sorry about that. It was a busy day, and I didn't check to see if it posted.
Now, I have a confession to make. I feel like such a fraud. I don't feel sick. There's almost no pain and only a twinge now and again. Oh, I get very tired, but other than that... But they tell me that's not unusual. So, because I feel decent, I'm getting some of the things wrapped up I needed to do.
Today they, my doctors and nurses started me on a new med. If this is what people take drugs for, forget it! I feel like I'm out in space, floating around. Sleepy, and not quite put together right. Surely, people don't want to feel like this and are willing to pay money to get this way. This is worse than too much to drink, however there are some similarities. Anyway, I don't like it.
My nurse said as my body gets used to it, I'll adjust. I sure hope she's right, because I can't imagine trying to function feeling like this. Maybe the dose is too high. I'll have to ask her the first of the week if I'm floating over the weekend.
And to my horror, here I was thinking my chapter seventeen was going to be the last chapter of my historical romance. Low and behold, my characters are not ready to call it quits. They want to get married at the end of the book, so the next chapter will be a wedding and then the wrap up, which means I have to go back and read the first book to figure out how old one of the secondary characters would be by the end of the series. Darn, and I don't remember her name either.
A lesson to any author trying to write a series. Keep a list of characters names, ages when they first show up and the time period of the book in which they put in their first appearance. A list like that would really help me now, because, once I've written and published the book, I don't go back and read it again.
Funny really, because I do reread my favorite authors over and over. I could list maybe ten or fifteen authors whose books I've read at least twice, some three or four times. Well, a good book is always
worth a second or third reading. Like a good movie. You can watch it over and over, even though you know how it ends,
See, the meds are playing tricks with my mind. I'm rambling. No novel writing for me today, because it probably wouldn't make sense.
Allison
Now, I have a confession to make. I feel like such a fraud. I don't feel sick. There's almost no pain and only a twinge now and again. Oh, I get very tired, but other than that... But they tell me that's not unusual. So, because I feel decent, I'm getting some of the things wrapped up I needed to do.
Today they, my doctors and nurses started me on a new med. If this is what people take drugs for, forget it! I feel like I'm out in space, floating around. Sleepy, and not quite put together right. Surely, people don't want to feel like this and are willing to pay money to get this way. This is worse than too much to drink, however there are some similarities. Anyway, I don't like it.
My nurse said as my body gets used to it, I'll adjust. I sure hope she's right, because I can't imagine trying to function feeling like this. Maybe the dose is too high. I'll have to ask her the first of the week if I'm floating over the weekend.
And to my horror, here I was thinking my chapter seventeen was going to be the last chapter of my historical romance. Low and behold, my characters are not ready to call it quits. They want to get married at the end of the book, so the next chapter will be a wedding and then the wrap up, which means I have to go back and read the first book to figure out how old one of the secondary characters would be by the end of the series. Darn, and I don't remember her name either.
A lesson to any author trying to write a series. Keep a list of characters names, ages when they first show up and the time period of the book in which they put in their first appearance. A list like that would really help me now, because, once I've written and published the book, I don't go back and read it again.
Funny really, because I do reread my favorite authors over and over. I could list maybe ten or fifteen authors whose books I've read at least twice, some three or four times. Well, a good book is always
worth a second or third reading. Like a good movie. You can watch it over and over, even though you know how it ends,
See, the meds are playing tricks with my mind. I'm rambling. No novel writing for me today, because it probably wouldn't make sense.
Allison
November 13, 2013
The Journey
DH, sweetheart that he is, helped with breakfast. Then I needed a bit of a rest. I think I dozed for all of about ten minutes. Then a trip to the pharmacy to update all the meds. The cool (no, make that cold) air helped a lot. I came home after a couple of short stops and nope, I didn't get out of the car, feeling more like I belong to the human rest.
The tiredness has been a surprise. I expected pain, not much yet (yes, I'm thanking the Good Lord for that) but I'm so tired.
I did discuss that with the hospice nurse and that's part of it. I mentioned that yesterday. Other than that, I am getting things wrapped up. A good feeling.
I've had an experience with what today is termed a ghost. We had one in our last house. I guess she left a lot unfinished, because she didn't want to leave our house. It had been her house first. Whether that's the case of not, I do not want to leave a lot unfinished. When I go, I want to GO! None of this staying behind to try and finish things up. That is not for me.
Allison
The tiredness has been a surprise. I expected pain, not much yet (yes, I'm thanking the Good Lord for that) but I'm so tired.
I did discuss that with the hospice nurse and that's part of it. I mentioned that yesterday. Other than that, I am getting things wrapped up. A good feeling.
I've had an experience with what today is termed a ghost. We had one in our last house. I guess she left a lot unfinished, because she didn't want to leave our house. It had been her house first. Whether that's the case of not, I do not want to leave a lot unfinished. When I go, I want to GO! None of this staying behind to try and finish things up. That is not for me.
Allison
November 12, 2013
The Journey
Ya learn something new every day. Yesterday, with a visit from my hospice nurse, I learned this tiredness I'm feeling is associated with the disease. No one mentions cancer and the exhaustion that goes with it. I don't remember Dad or Mom complaining about being tired. Maybe this is just with Lung Cancer. I'll have to ask.
So I have a reason for the unbelievable feeling like I'm going to collapse, or on some day can't take another step. Interesting though, how on one day, not so much, but the next, a 'WOW' explains it best. Getting up to do anything takes a lot of effort. Not good when there is much to do, but people are stepping up to help and that also makes a difference.
Now if I could just figure out how to do the cooking without it taking everything I've got to give for the day.... Yes my DH can cook, if I want canned soup, toast, or scrambled eggs to eat. He can handle a microwave but so far, not too many of those taste like food??? I'm a good cook. No, let me rephrase that, I was a good cook. I did a couple of things that were outstanding. But now, it simply takes too much. Wonder if I could sit and direct. Nay, I'd want to jump up and do, if he wasn't doing it my way. So that probably wouldn't work.
I'll just have to think about this. A solution has to be forthcoming. I'll find it.
Off to write the last few pages of my historical romance. Almost finished with the first draft. Then to the edits. YahOOOOO!
Allison
So I have a reason for the unbelievable feeling like I'm going to collapse, or on some day can't take another step. Interesting though, how on one day, not so much, but the next, a 'WOW' explains it best. Getting up to do anything takes a lot of effort. Not good when there is much to do, but people are stepping up to help and that also makes a difference.
Now if I could just figure out how to do the cooking without it taking everything I've got to give for the day.... Yes my DH can cook, if I want canned soup, toast, or scrambled eggs to eat. He can handle a microwave but so far, not too many of those taste like food??? I'm a good cook. No, let me rephrase that, I was a good cook. I did a couple of things that were outstanding. But now, it simply takes too much. Wonder if I could sit and direct. Nay, I'd want to jump up and do, if he wasn't doing it my way. So that probably wouldn't work.
I'll just have to think about this. A solution has to be forthcoming. I'll find it.
Off to write the last few pages of my historical romance. Almost finished with the first draft. Then to the edits. YahOOOOO!
Allison
November 11, 2013
The Journey
Decisions, decisions, decisions! Tomorrow I've supposed to post to the Writers Vineyard, something I've been doing for a bunch of years now, and I don't know whether to say goodbye, or try for another month. Think I'll go for another month. Of course I my change my mind later today.
In the mean time, I finally made a list of things to do, prioritized this time. They have to be done, and of course, this has been a case of procrastination, big time.
I'm going to be taking Sundays off from blogging, as a day of reflection and prayer from now on, so don't think I've quit. Nope, I'm thinking.
Today is a good day, so I'm hoping to get a lot done. Made several phone calls, two more to go, and then I want to write. Time to wrap Lovesong up with the surprising ending. At least I hope it's going to be a surprise ending. After that Edits, and then off to the company editor. (I'm repeating myself.)
Time now to fix lunch. I wonder how much longer I'm going to be able to work in the kitchen. Many steps to cooking a meal and that takes a lot of effort. Then I kinda collapse. I have to learn to sit down more during the process. Maybe today, I'll trying sitting as I cook. A quick thought. Can I cook sitting down? Well, we'll find out.
Allison
In the mean time, I finally made a list of things to do, prioritized this time. They have to be done, and of course, this has been a case of procrastination, big time.
I'm going to be taking Sundays off from blogging, as a day of reflection and prayer from now on, so don't think I've quit. Nope, I'm thinking.
Today is a good day, so I'm hoping to get a lot done. Made several phone calls, two more to go, and then I want to write. Time to wrap Lovesong up with the surprising ending. At least I hope it's going to be a surprise ending. After that Edits, and then off to the company editor. (I'm repeating myself.)
Time now to fix lunch. I wonder how much longer I'm going to be able to work in the kitchen. Many steps to cooking a meal and that takes a lot of effort. Then I kinda collapse. I have to learn to sit down more during the process. Maybe today, I'll trying sitting as I cook. A quick thought. Can I cook sitting down? Well, we'll find out.
Allison
November 9, 2013
The Journey
I wasn't sure I'd get to post anything today. For the first time, I can say, I suffered some pain, and it didn't stop. In the past, it's just been a flash and then gone, Today it stayed and stayed. This was very much like the pain when you get a rib caught (well, actually, you don't get a rib caught, but it feels like it.) I tried the Alieve. Didn't do a thing. So a cut a lortab in have and now, I'm sleepy.
But the pain is gone, or the lortab masked it, so I can get to things that have to be done.,
I think this was a wake up call. I need to stop procrastinating. There are things to be done and I need to start doing them.
I also need to exercise a bit of better judgment because I did too much yesterday. I will have to consider my limits each day and work around them.
Not like me, but you can always teach an old dog new tricks.
Allison
But the pain is gone, or the lortab masked it, so I can get to things that have to be done.,
I think this was a wake up call. I need to stop procrastinating. There are things to be done and I need to start doing them.
I also need to exercise a bit of better judgment because I did too much yesterday. I will have to consider my limits each day and work around them.
Not like me, but you can always teach an old dog new tricks.
Allison
November 8, 2013
The Journey
For those of you who have no faith in the hereafter, you might not want to read any further. I do. It is the only thing that helps through thoughts of dying. You see, I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, there is something more after this.
I have faith that, for all the problems I've had, the pain I've caused others, my faults (and there are many - all you have to do is ask my DH. He can list the worst ones.) there is something better waiting.
Why do I think that? Well, I've always considered myself a logical person. I'm also into science. After all, I did take four years of Chemistry in college. I can not look at reactions, either in the lab, on what takes place everyday, without seeing a organization to it all that has no other explanation for me than a grand designer. I choose to call him God.
Even the ancients believed in some kind of organizer. Nothing that has occurred, is occurring, or will occur, can happen without following preordained events. It's never happened. So, today I've turned my thoughts to what is coming after my life force, my soul, whatever you choose to call it, leaves my body. Something does leave, that's for sure, because all of a sudden, life as we know it is gone.
That leaves lots of room for speculation, but without that original organizer, you end up floating around with nothing but empty thoughts.
I love the big bang theory. Makes a great deal of sense to me. By one question always intrigues me. How do the theorists who say there is no real beginning explain the mass the suddenly flew apart to make the universe? There had to be a beginning, an organizer, a rule maker, someone to get the explosion started. That someone I call God, and if I go along with that idea, then the rest of my thesis, there is something after this life, hold true. It just makes sense. At least to me. And therein lies the greatest comfort. Something great to look forward to.
Allison
I have faith that, for all the problems I've had, the pain I've caused others, my faults (and there are many - all you have to do is ask my DH. He can list the worst ones.) there is something better waiting.
Why do I think that? Well, I've always considered myself a logical person. I'm also into science. After all, I did take four years of Chemistry in college. I can not look at reactions, either in the lab, on what takes place everyday, without seeing a organization to it all that has no other explanation for me than a grand designer. I choose to call him God.
Even the ancients believed in some kind of organizer. Nothing that has occurred, is occurring, or will occur, can happen without following preordained events. It's never happened. So, today I've turned my thoughts to what is coming after my life force, my soul, whatever you choose to call it, leaves my body. Something does leave, that's for sure, because all of a sudden, life as we know it is gone.
That leaves lots of room for speculation, but without that original organizer, you end up floating around with nothing but empty thoughts.
I love the big bang theory. Makes a great deal of sense to me. By one question always intrigues me. How do the theorists who say there is no real beginning explain the mass the suddenly flew apart to make the universe? There had to be a beginning, an organizer, a rule maker, someone to get the explosion started. That someone I call God, and if I go along with that idea, then the rest of my thesis, there is something after this life, hold true. It just makes sense. At least to me. And therein lies the greatest comfort. Something great to look forward to.
Allison
November 7, 2013
The Journey
YUCK! This is not the time to come down with a touch of the flu. Yet, that's what I think I have. The usual, hot, cold, chills, stomach rolling. Ya'll don't need details. Wouldn't be bad, 'cause I did get a flu shot, but my breathing's not too swift.
I had things to do today, things I didn't get down yesterday that I wanted to accomplish today. They will have to wait another day, it seems. Wonder if this is going to be the story of my life from this point on. Hmmmmmm. Food for thought.
We live with the attitude in this house - feel lousy? Get up and get going. You'll feel better. To which I say, today. B.S. I tried. I fix my DH breakfast and then that was it. So here I am trying again. I'm not about to quit. Doesn't fit in my vocabulary. I have things to do. I will do them.
Maybe, if I keep saying it outloud, I can get going here. I'll let you know tomorrow.
I'm intent on doing some more writing - today and tomorrow. I have a book to finish.
And right now, DH is in his chair, reading the last two chapters I wrote. I can just imagine all the red marks he's going to make.
I'll end up another YUCK! I'll probably have to rewrite part of those chapters. And the questions. What is the motivation for that, why did the character say that..... There are times when living with your first editor strains your writing creativeness.
Allison
I had things to do today, things I didn't get down yesterday that I wanted to accomplish today. They will have to wait another day, it seems. Wonder if this is going to be the story of my life from this point on. Hmmmmmm. Food for thought.
We live with the attitude in this house - feel lousy? Get up and get going. You'll feel better. To which I say, today. B.S. I tried. I fix my DH breakfast and then that was it. So here I am trying again. I'm not about to quit. Doesn't fit in my vocabulary. I have things to do. I will do them.
Maybe, if I keep saying it outloud, I can get going here. I'll let you know tomorrow.
I'm intent on doing some more writing - today and tomorrow. I have a book to finish.
And right now, DH is in his chair, reading the last two chapters I wrote. I can just imagine all the red marks he's going to make.
I'll end up another YUCK! I'll probably have to rewrite part of those chapters. And the questions. What is the motivation for that, why did the character say that..... There are times when living with your first editor strains your writing creativeness.
Allison
November 6, 2013
Day three - The Journey
Today, I'm going to do a little complaining.
Yesterday afternoon, I had to say good bye to someone, not a close friend, but someone I doubt I'll ever see again. That was hard. And today, I have to let two friends know what's going on. That's hard too.
And then I've discovered that on some days, I can't get anything done. I'm either just too tired, or I'm having trouble breathing. Goes with the disease of course, but I do have my list of stuff to get done, and at this rate, some things are not getting done.
I've also noticed that bedtime has changed. I used to go to bed after eleven, never before, then it was by ten thirty, now I'm ready to go at nine thirty. I get very tired. I'll have to check with my hospice nurse and see if this too is part of the disease.
So, today isn't one of the better ones. Thank the Lord for my wonderful DH. He's willing to sweep the floor, take care of the dishes and eat micro wave meals. Unfortunately, that's what he's going to get today. Now, on to those letters to friends I don't want to write.
Allison
Yesterday afternoon, I had to say good bye to someone, not a close friend, but someone I doubt I'll ever see again. That was hard. And today, I have to let two friends know what's going on. That's hard too.
And then I've discovered that on some days, I can't get anything done. I'm either just too tired, or I'm having trouble breathing. Goes with the disease of course, but I do have my list of stuff to get done, and at this rate, some things are not getting done.
I've also noticed that bedtime has changed. I used to go to bed after eleven, never before, then it was by ten thirty, now I'm ready to go at nine thirty. I get very tired. I'll have to check with my hospice nurse and see if this too is part of the disease.
So, today isn't one of the better ones. Thank the Lord for my wonderful DH. He's willing to sweep the floor, take care of the dishes and eat micro wave meals. Unfortunately, that's what he's going to get today. Now, on to those letters to friends I don't want to write.
Allison
November 5, 2013
Day two - The Journey
As an author, I've always need a title for my stories. So I now have a title for this adventure. This will be call the journey, because, it is.
After much thought, I've had a chance to reflect on something my dad said. He also died of cancer, and at a young age, younger than I am, but still young. The ironic thing is most of our relatives have lived very long lives. Late eighties, into the nineties was the norm. No, I'm not complaining, but I do find it ironic. I had expected to last at least another ten years.
Back to what Dad said. He commented to my brother, that at least with this disease, you get a chance to plan. Oh and that is so true. I have so much to finish. I have one more chapter to go on the last book of my 'song' series, and I have a regency period historical to finish. So I do need to get crackin'
Also, there are all kinds of details that I want resolved. Things like the right homes for some of the multitude of 'stuff' I've collected over the years. A garage sale took care of a small part of it, but there is much more.
And of course, there is my business. There's good advice on the 'net' for authors, and I'm researching and copying what I find. I'll weigh that with what my lawyer told me and make my decisions there as well.
Yep! It's good to know you have a limited time to 'put things in order'. What a shame there will be some things that can not be 'put right'. Like leaving my beloved mate. After 53 years together, that part will be hard - for both of us. After all, saying good bye to best friends is never easy.
Allison
After much thought, I've had a chance to reflect on something my dad said. He also died of cancer, and at a young age, younger than I am, but still young. The ironic thing is most of our relatives have lived very long lives. Late eighties, into the nineties was the norm. No, I'm not complaining, but I do find it ironic. I had expected to last at least another ten years.
Back to what Dad said. He commented to my brother, that at least with this disease, you get a chance to plan. Oh and that is so true. I have so much to finish. I have one more chapter to go on the last book of my 'song' series, and I have a regency period historical to finish. So I do need to get crackin'
Also, there are all kinds of details that I want resolved. Things like the right homes for some of the multitude of 'stuff' I've collected over the years. A garage sale took care of a small part of it, but there is much more.
And of course, there is my business. There's good advice on the 'net' for authors, and I'm researching and copying what I find. I'll weigh that with what my lawyer told me and make my decisions there as well.
Yep! It's good to know you have a limited time to 'put things in order'. What a shame there will be some things that can not be 'put right'. Like leaving my beloved mate. After 53 years together, that part will be hard - for both of us. After all, saying good bye to best friends is never easy.
Allison
